Beep beep beep beep beep I smacked at where I thought the alarm clock was, and realized that it's on the other side, because I'm not home anymore, but in my dorm room. I finally found the alarm clock, in my half awake state of mind, and layed back down. 'Fuck!' I mutter. 'Whoever happily gets up at five-thirty in the fucking morning has got to be insane. I wouldn't if my swim coach didn't schedule our practices for six am.' Today was only my second day here, and already I'm a slave to my swim team. Now don't get me wrong - I love to swim, because when I'm in the pool I can clear my mind of everything and just concentrate on swimming as fast as I can, but that doesn't mean I love getting up this early in the morning to practice. I looked over at Justin, with just his boxers on, and when I saw his morning hard on peeking out through his boxers, I gasped. Shit! That thing looks huge! It looks like it's about nine inches. You don't know how tempted I was to just reach out and touch it, but I held back and, instead, forced myself to get dressed. I did so quietly, and left to make my way to the pool. When I got to the pool, the coach was there with some of the team. I made my way over to the other players, and sat down. The other members were showing up one or two at a time, and looked just as bad as I felt, and probably looked. The coach started calling names, and when he got to Noah Watkins, nobody answered, and he repeated the name. Not getting a response, he looked pissed (note to self: always be on time to swim practice!). Man, I'd hate to be on his bad side! He called my name next and, seeing that I was here, continued onto a last name, and then said, "Ok, men. I am Don Smith. I will be your coach. You can call me coach or Don or Coach D or whatever you want, besides bastard or asshole", chuckling as he said the latter. "I expect the best out of my team; that includes both in the pool and out. I want you to be a team, and to be a team you have to treat all your teammates with respect. You are going to be relying on each other when you are racing to win, and some of the events will require you to work together, but regardless of whether you are in an event alone or with a few of your teammates, I expect you to support any teammate who is competing, and to cheer them on and congratulate them when they win, and console them when they lose. One thing I will not tolerate is one of you disrespecting someone, so the first time you get a warning; the second time you are suspended for two weeks; and the third time you are off the team permanently. Scholarship? Don't care. Mommy and Daddy throws a fit? Too bad. NO EXCEPTIONS!" "Now today, I want to see where everybody is, so I want everybody to swim backstroke, butterfly, breaststroke, and freestyle as fast as you can, and then I want you to use what you think is your best stroke and do laps. Get goin'." I did all four strokes, and then started doing the butterfly stroke for my laps. I don't really have a favorite, but it's the one I'm fastest at. Finally, when I thought I would die from exhaustion, and long after I lost count of how many laps I had done, he blew his whistle and said, "Ok. You're done. Go hit the showers. We'll discuss how you did at tomorrow's practice." I went to the locker room and found mine, stripped, and headed to the showers; I love the shower after practice. I have long perfected the art of looking discretely, and what a sight it was! After drool… I mean showering, I got dressed and left. It was eight am, and since classes don't start until tomorrow, I'm going back to my room and crash. When I got back to my room, I quietly opened the door, went inside, and started stripping, before collapsing onto my bed, falling asleep quickly.
When I got back from the student union, I fell asleep and forgot to set my alarm, so when I woke up and looked at my clock and saw nine twenty-three, all I could think was 'oh, shit! I can't believe I missed swim practice! I've got to go see the coach, and try to keep him from killing me. I quickly got dressed and left to go find his office. I can't believe I missed practice. The whole reason I was able to go to school here after my parents kicked me out was because I got a scholarship if I agreed to join the swim team. If I get kicked off the team, I have no money to go to school, and nowhere to live either. All this was in my head, as I walked to his office. When I got there, I nervously knocked on the door, and I heard a deep "Come in." "Coach?" "Yes?" "I'm, Noah, sir; Noah Watkins. I missed practice today because I…" He held up his hand to stop me, and said, "I don't want to hear any excuses; I've heard them all. One thing I won't tolerate is missing practice. If you miss practice, you not only let me down, but you let the team down, and you also let yourself down. Don't miss practice again, or you might not have to worry about coming to practice, because you won't be on the team, understand?" "Yes. sir." "Anything else?" "No, sir. See you tomorrow." He nodded, and I left. I decided to get something to eat at the student union, so I made my way across campus, and then stood in line for what seemed like forever, before getting something to eat. I ate most of it, but I just don't really have much of an appetite, and I'm always tired. It helped when I was living with Isaac, because he would drag me out to do things, and he wasn't afraid to listen to me ramble. I don't know how many times he just held me. When a straight friend isn't afraid to hold you, even hold you while you sleep, you know he is a good friend, and I really miss him, but he went to a school out of state. Isaac's parents are great, but I feel like they have already done too much for me as it is, so I really am alone. Sometimes I feel like that's a good thing; that maybe I deserve to be alone, but sometimes it really bothers me. I just don't have the energy it takes to go out and meet people. Maybe I'm just crazy. After I eat, I head back to my dorm room and do what I do best - I go to sleep, but not before I set the alarm.
I wake up to find the room empty. I look at my clock and find its one pm, and the first thing I can think of is food. I get up and I'm about to leave, when Justin comes in with a couple of bags. "I just went and bought my books, and was going to head to lunch, but I thought I'd come back and drop these off and see if you want to go with me. I was going to go check out this new restaurant that serves Mexican food; it's off campus, but I've got my car. What do ya think? Wanna go?" "Yeah, sure. That's actually where I was going - to get something to eat." He put the bags on his bed and said, "Let's go." We headed down to his car, which was a newer mustang, and headed to the restaurant. When we got seated, the waitress, with a big chest and blonde hair, came up and said, "Hi. I'm Jennifer, and I'll be your waitress. What would you like to drink?" "Pepsi," I said. "Coke," Justin said. "Ok, I'll be right back with your drinks." "Man! She is hot! I'd like to get some of that." It took everything I had to keep my jaw from dropping. 'Damn! He's straight! Great! Just what I have always wanted - a straight roommate to lust over. Now I really do have to watch what I do.' I must have drifted off for a while, because Justin was waving his hand in front of my face. "Josh, Josh. Hey! Are you in there?" he said, laughing. "Oh, sorry," I said blushing. "I guess I was in my own little world for a while." "Yeah, I guess so. I was just sitting here talking to you, and when I asked you a question, and you didn't say anything, I realized you left me." "What were you asking me?" "Oh, well, I was saying how hot the waitress is, and I asked what you thought of her. But then she came by with the drinks, and I didn't notice that you didn't answer. I asked if you have a girlfriend, but you just stared off somewhere, so that's when I started saying your name and waving my hand. You should have seen your face when you realized what you had been doing." "So?" "So what?" I asked. "Do you have a girlfriend?" "Oh, umm… no, I don't." "Me either. I just broke up with my girlfriend. She was going out of state, and we just decided that it would be better to be single again." About that time, the waitress came back and asked if were ready to order. "I'll have the cheese enchiladas," I said. "Taco platter for me, please." After we got our food, I guess we realized just how hungry we were, because we just sat there, stuffing our face instead of talking. When we finished and paid our bill, we headed back to the dorm, and I told Justin that I wanted to go buy my books. So I left him there, and headed to the bookstore. I handed my schedule to the sales person, and she started grabbing books and handing them to me. Finally, after I had about 50 lbs of books, I went to pay for them. "Is this all?" the person behind the counter asked "Yes, sir" "That will be $633.89." For the second time that day, I had to keep my jaw from dropping, and I was really glad that I had a scholarship. I handed the man the card I was given, that had my book money, and would have my stipend put on it every month. I lugged all the books back to my room, only to find Justin gone. I put my books down by my desk, grabbed my laptop, and lay down on my bed. I checked my email: Viagra? No. Make your dick longer? No. Prescription pills? No. Email from Andy. "Hey, bro!" "I miss you, asshole! Why the fuck did you have to go half way across the country to go to school? Oh, well. I have the room to myself now, bitch." "Talk to your stupid ass later." 'Ha! ha! ha! ha! Sorry. You have to know my brother to find that funny. We are always swearing at each other, and if you didn't know us, you would think we hate each other.' I shut my laptop, and lay back on my bed. 'Man! I can't believe Justin is straight, but really, how can I be lucky enough for anything different.' But as I'm lying there, my mind wandered to that guy at the student union. I've been so focused on Justin that I actually forgot about him, until now. The sadness in his eyes literally made my stomach drop. The more I think about it, the more I have this overwhelming feeling to just hug him, and do everything I can to make him feel better. Not only does he seem sad, but lonely. He almost had this hopeless look to him. 'You know what? If I ever see him again, I'm going to make an effort to get to know him.' I actually feel this happy feeling come over me at that thought, and, before I know it, I fall asleep.
Thank, god I don't have practice until this afternoon, because when I heard Josh's alarm go off, I wanted to throw it across the room. Oh, well. I have to get used to it, because he has practice every fucking day. He was trying to be quiet which was nice, but I was already awake. But not wanting him to feel bad, I just acted like I was still asleep. I must have fallen asleep again, because the next thing I knew it was eleven am. I decided to go get my books, so after taking a shower and getting dressed, I walked over to the bookstore. After getting my books and paying for them (I don't think they charge enough! Relax. That's sarcasm.), I realize I'm hungry. So I decide to drop off my books at my dorm room. I've been wondering if that new Mexican restaurant is any good? Hmm I think I'll try it; maybe I'll drag Josh with me. When I get up to the room, he looks like he is getting ready to leave, so I offer to take him with me, and he accepts. When we get there, the waitress introduces herself, and all I can think is 'Fuck! She's hot.' I mention it to Josh, but he doesn't say anything. I tell him about breaking up with my girlfriend, and ask him if he has a girlfriend, but he doesn't. We finish, and he tells me that he wants to buy his books, and leaves before I have a chance to tell him I have football practice. I had to be there in about thirty minutes, so I decided to head over there. When I get there, I join the other guys, and the coach eventually stands up. "I'm Coach Johnston. You are here because I consider you the best of the best - do not make me wrong about you. I expect the best; if you don't think you can do that, then you should leave now." He paused, like he really expected some of us to leave, and then continued. "Ok, I want to see how you play together, so I'm assigning you different positions, I don't care what position you played in high school, I'll put you where you shine the most, and where the team can benefit from it. I want you each to try different positions; most likely you will be where you have always played, but, again, that might change." He gave us our assignments, and we practiced for two and a half hours. By the time I got out of practice, I was exhausted and irritated. One thing you have to know about me is...when I'm really tired, everything irritates me; so that's probably why I reacted so strongly about what happened next. I went to the student union to grab something to eat. When I got my food, I sat down and started eating. I was looking around the room, when I saw this guy just sitting there, looking like he was waiting for someone. I watched him look around, and then smile as another guy walked up to him. He stood up to greet the other guy, but what he did next both pissed me off, and disgusted me at the same time. He leaned over and kissed the guy! Ugh! That is so disgusting! All of a sudden, I wasn't hungry. I got up to throw my food away, was just walking towards the door, when they got up and left, holding hands. Why do they have to do that shit! My hands were shaking by now, and I knew I needed to calm down and get as far away from them as possible. I headed back to the room, but in opening the door and slamming it shut, I realized I woke up Josh (oops!). He could tell I was pissed, so he asked what was wrong, and I told him.
I woke up when Justin slammed the door, and, right away, I could tell he was angry about something. When I asked what was wrong, he started to rant. "I went to go get something to eat after practice, and these fucking, disgusting faggots were kissing and holding hands in the student union! I can't fucking believe they were doing that shit. Why the fuck are they even here? They should have separate schools or something so we don't have to be around them! I had to throw my food away, because they grossed me out so much. They were fucking disgusting. I need a shower; I'll be back in awhile." As soon as he left, I literally broke down, and I'm not someone who does that easily. I can't believe he has so much hatred for gay people. Oh, my god! I can never let him find out I'm gay; he would kill me! I have to get out of here. I just can't be here right now. I grabbed my wallet, keys, and cell phone, and left. I don't know where I'm going, but I have to get away. I walk down the sidewalk, and the people who pass me look at me like I'm crazy, because I'm still crying, but I don't fucking care. I came here to be myself, and now I'm just going to get in the same rut I've been trying to escape from. I had planned on telling Justin that I'm gay after we got to know each other better, but now I'm going to have to hide like I have always done. Fuck! Maybe I should have stayed in Michigan, because at least there I would have my family. I sat down on a bench, and couldn't help but think of Andy, my little brother; he is only a year younger than me, at seventeen. We have always shared a room, and we always joke around, but when one of us needs the other to be serious, we know that we can be. All of a sudden, for the first time, I felt like I needed to tell Andy that I'm gay. I have never told anybody, so that kind of shocked me, but even as I was shocked, I found myself pulling out my cell phone. Shaking so hard I could hardly dial the number, I finally got all the numbers punched in, and pressed 'talk'. "Hey, bitch!" Since I was not only nervous, but still crying, I could barely get out "Andy...." "What's wrong, bro?" "I hate it here!" "What? Why? I thought you would love it." "I'm sorry; I feel like a girl acting like this. It's just that my roommate is a real asshole." "What did he do to make you think that?" "He hates me." "Josh, nobody could hate you." "He doesn't know he hates me." "What? What do you mean? Josh, you are not making any sense." "Andy, I, umm, I have to tell you something, but you have to promise you won't say anything to anybody," "Bro, you know I won't" "Andy, I'm…..I'm gay."
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