|
"You gave that guy in the restaurant your autograph?" Rex asked, in amazement, as he tried to keep up with his brother, and look over his shoulder at the same time. "Your autograph!" Jak laughed. "Yeah, it's surprising how many people recognize Soren." He turned to his younger brother. "They're not asking for my autograph, Rex; they're asking for Soren's. Jak and Soren are two different people. Those guys who want to say 'hi', or something, don't know Jak Rollins, from Adam. They don't know anything about me. They want to be able to tell their friends they saw the guy from that gay website." "But . . . you act so . . . so . . . casual about it!" Rex skipped a couple steps to keep up, while, at the same time, glancing over his shoulder, half-expecting the man to be following them to ask for something . . . more. "I was really uncomfortable with it, at first. Having guys approach me sort'a gave me the willies. Now . . . it's nothing. Most people are afraid to ask. They just point. If I notice, I smile and wave. It's an easy enough thing t'do to make someone happy. I don't give anyone encouragement though. That might make them think I'm available." Jak's voice sobered. "I'm not. "It's like the other day. Things got sort'a freaky," he said, turning to his younger brother, who walked at his side, like an over-eager puppy. "Keith was at school, so I went down to the hotel's sauna. Ever since I got back in town this time, I can't seem to get warm. Well, I was sitting there, minding my own business, when a couple guys walked in, and recognized me." Jak shook his head. "Those guys weren't shy. They didn't want an autograph, either; they wanted sex." "Hooolllleeeee . . ." Rex murmured, wide-eyed. "So . . . what'd you do?" "I tried to play it cool. When they finally got the message that I don't do sex with strangers, they asked for a show." "What!? A show?" "That made me laugh. I told 'em sure, if they could pay me what I make when I work, I'd be happy to. So, I told 'em what I get for one . . . show . . . and they backed down. I wished them both a good day, wrapped my towel around my waist, and got out of there. Damn it, Rex! I never expected that sort'a thing to happen . . . autographs, yes, but not that. Maybe I was naive, but geez. Just 'cause I do have sex with guys on vids, or with Keith, doesn't mean I wanna fool around with everyone who has a dick! Afterwards, I felt kind'a dirty, like I needed a shower." He shook his head. "It made me start to wonder if I'm nothing more than a high-priced hooker. Y'know . . . pay me enough and I'll do anything, with anyone." He shook his head. "Autographs I can handle; that . . . no." "It doesn't happen only with me, if that's what you're thinking," Jak added, turning to his brother. "I'm sure all the guys have the same thing happen, more or less. I'm sure some of the guys, really get off on it, and will invite one of the bystanders to fool around while everyone else watches, y'know . . . when they're at a bar, or something." "But you?" Rex coaxed, when it appeared his brother would abandon the story. Jak smiled. "No. No free sex for me. Hmmmm," he hesitated. "There's that prostitute-thing again." He grinned. "I've got to watch how I phrase things." Rex's lips twitched, but, uncharacteristically, he remained silent. "I'm down there to earn money. It's like I'm a . . . a . . . product. You just don't give it away, and, if you have a contract, like I do, you do what you hired to do, only on demand. If I give myself away, like those guys do . . . well . . . it just doesn't seem like I'd be treating the folks right who hired me. People who don't know me, but do know what I do for a living, might think I'm really promiscuous. I'm not. I have sex with Keith, period, and I really enjoyed playing with you, but we didn't fuck, and we won't. "When I'm at work, I'm getting paid, and I do what they tell me . . . within reason," he added. "They knew beforehand . . . no women, animals, fisting, double dicks, whips, that sort of thing. I set my limits. They agreed, so when they partner me with someone, I don't argue, because my partner and I both know what's expected of us. "So far, I've not met someone I don't really like, so I haven't had to act excited. That's sure to happen one day." "What's Keith think about you being so popular?" Rex asked, as he stepped onto the elevator, glancing back to the man behind the registration desk, who had waved at his brother, as they passed, and was still watching. 'They're everywhere,' he thought. 'I thought doing what Jak's doing was super-cool. Now, I'm not so sure. Sure, the sex would be sweet, but having people hound you all the time . . .' He wanted to shudder. "I'm his brother!" Rex wanted to shout at the guy behind the hotel's registration desk, followed by, "You leave my big brother alone! Stop bothering him!" "I don't know, for sure, what he thinks." Jak answered the question Rex had forgotten he'd asked. "The first couple times it happened, he was sort'a shocked . . . something like you." Jak grinned, as he opened the door to the hotel room. "After the third or fourth time someone asked, he stopped being bothered. He smiles at the person; then, when the guy leaves, continues the conversation, as if nothing has happened. So . . . I don't know what he thinks. He hasn't said," Jak grinned, "though I have caught him looking pretty smug, from time to time." Rex laughed, knowing exactly how Keith felt. "He's such a sweetheart. In many ways, he's a lot like you," he added, grinning at his brother's pleased expression, as he motioned for Rex to enter the hotel room. "There's a lot I don't know, Rex." Jak unwound his scarf and tossed it, his stocking cap, and his coat onto the bed. He flopped down onto one of the room's easy chairs, gesturing for his brother to have a seat. "I've never told him I love him," Jak murmured, out of the blue, seemingly embarrassed by the admission. "What? Why not? You do, don't you? I mean, you sure act like it. . . . Jak!" Rex leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, and studied his older brother. "Why haven't you told him? What are you afraid of?" He paused, then flopped back. "Don't tell me you're having second thoughts! Keith's a great guy!" Jak gestured for his brother to stop being worried. "Easy, easy. I've asked myself the same question, and no, I'm not having second thoughts. Being apart, though, is rough, on both of us. Emotionally rough, Rex, not rough, as in I want to start fucking around with my coworkers, or anything." Rex pushed himself out of his chair and paced to the window, where he looked out onto the snow-covered city, and the surrounding buildings. "Don't get pissed, okay?" he said, without turning. "About what?" "What I'm gonna say." Rex turned. "Tell me the truth, Jak. I'm not gonna spill any secrets you tell me, but . . . are you really, I meanREALLY, not interested in having sex with your coworkers? Sex, other than during the vids, I mean. Geez, you're always talking about not being interested in them; I'm starting to wonder if you really are, and are trying to convince yourself, and everyone else, that you're not. So . . . are you?" "Why?" "I could comment that by asking 'why' instead of answering my question, you actually answered it." Rex paused. "But, I won't. "You're always talking about your coworkers, as if they're some . . . some sort'a street people, or something. I don't have anything against street people," he quickly added. "I just don't think I wanna have sex with one of 'em. But, Jak, the guys you work with definitely do not need a thorough scrubbing before you touch them. They're perfect! Just like you . . . perfect! That's why you all were hired, for pity's sake! So . . . answer my question . . . honestly. "Are you subconsciously thinking that maybe, just maybe, you'd like to have Keith and one or more of those guys? Y'know . . . Keith, when you're here, and someone else, when you're away? Is that the real reason you haven't told him you love him?" Jak leaned his head against the chair back and heaved a sigh. I don't know, Rex . . . honestly!" He paused. "Wait, that didn't come out right." He thought a moment, while Rex looked on. "Well?" Rex finally asked. "Tell me what you do mean." "I don't know." "Have you been tempted?" "No." "Are you afraid you might be, with someone you haven't met yet? You've seen all the guys on the computer you can expect to work with. Are there any of 'em who get you boned-up, just thinking about . . . ?" Jak shook his head. "No, none. Of course, I'm more interested in some than others, but that's just because they're the type of guy I tend to like. Even those though, are not making me look forward to being partnered with one of 'em. I don't want to hurt Keith!" he blurted. "He's too important to me! He's so kind, and gentle." Jak paused, and grinned. "What?" Rex asked. "When we're having sex, would you believe, he's more like Soren than Soren." "F'real?" Rex asked, unable to quite imagine Keith acting like the totally confident man his brother had created as something like an alter-ego. When Jak nodded, Rex sank onto a chair. "Wow!" "Surprised me, too," Jak grinned, "pleasantly." He shook his head. "Damn, but he's good in bed. If Levi, my boss, ever saw him in action, he'd offer him a job in a heartbeat." Rex blinked, returning to the earlier conversation. "So . . . you don't want to hurt him. Does that mean you're afraid you might . . . or, does it mean that you're unwilling to commit yourself? If that's the case, that doesn't sound like my brother. He was willing to hightail it down to Florida, without a second thought, to take a job which would allow him to pay for school, and for things like that fancy restaurant he took me to, or this hotel room. He wouldn't be afraid to commit himself. So . . . what's happened to my brother?" Jak softly snorted. "Damn, you're rough. Are you sure you're not some fifty-year-old psychiatrist, hiding out in my little brother's body?" "Yep, I'm sure," Rex smiled. "But, if you happen to know of a guy a few years older than you . . . who's available . . . I sure would like him in me." "I thought you and Dad . . ." Rex shook his head. "Nope. It'd be great with me, but Dad can't get over the fact that I'm his son . . . his little boy. Oh, we hug a lot. He'll kiss me . . . if I start it. We sleep together, naked. We cuddle, and lie in bed, talking a lot, but we don't have sex. We have never had sex! Y'know, the sort. . . . throw me on my back and fuck me silly. That sort of sex. I've never been fucked, Jak; by Dad, or anyone else! Here I am, a fourteen year-old virgin!" Rex wailed. "A fate worse than having the plague," Jak commented, dryly. Rex softly snorted, not quite sure if that was the truth. "If not being a virgin means having to kiss a girl I'll stick with virginity, thank you." He shuddered. "Doing it with girls . . . major ick!" Rex sobered, as he plopped down on a nearby chair and studied his brother. "Jak, both Dad and I need affection . . . to be held . . . to feel warm skin against our own. Both of our lives have been changed a lot, in just a short while, and we need one another to keep aware of the fact that we're still loved, and that we're not going to end up alone. "Eventually, when he and Mom finally get off their butts and get a divorce, he'll find someone his own age. Then, it'll be up to me to find someone who's right for me." Rex lapsed into silence, as if imagining that time. "I don't know how I'm going to manage that." He heaved a gusty sigh, then returned his attention to his brother. "You sure are good at deflecting the conversation," he grumbled. "Sounds to me like you're also good at deflecting any uncomfortable thoughts . . . about . . . Keith, and love . . . making a commitment . . . and the guys down in Florida. Do some serious thinking about those things, Jak, and do it fast. "You either love Keith, or you don't. You either really think of those guys you fuck around with, as coworkers, or you don't. There's no middle ground. If one of 'em could be more than a we-do-it-only-when-we're-working-buddy, then all of 'em might be. Are you able to make the tough decisions and figure out what's what . . . like my brother . . . or not? "So . . . think about all those things. I'll leave you to it." Rex heaved himself out of the chair and tugged on his coat. When Jak looked up, Rex leaned down and kissed him on the neck. "You can do it, big . . . brother." * * * "I hate the cold," Jak said, grumbling to the good natured driver, as he stepped off the bus, into a stiff breeze. He tightened the scarf around his neck, tugged the stocking cap over his ears, and did his best to ignore the biting cold, and snow crunching underfoot, as he left the bus stop behind. Since he'd arrived in town, in time for Keith's birthday, the two men had lived in a world of their own, interrupted only by the time Keith grudgingly spent attending classes. The hotel had everything they needed . . . restaurants, pool, sauna, and best of all, a wonderfully . . . warm . . . room, with a big . . . shower with an endless supply of . . . warm . . . water. This morning, he lay in bed and watched Keith stir in his sleep, watching the morning light caress the sleeping man's shoulders, highlighting the slow rise and fall of his chest and his firm nipples beneath the light sheets. 'What is it I feel?' he asked himself. 'If I love him, why am I afraid to say those words? Is Rex right about the guys I'm working with? Am I wishing I was free to be able to play with them? One would never know it, but I think of myself as a one-man guy. So . . . that brings me back to why don't I tell Keith how much I love him?' Sensing Jak watching him, Keith turned his head and opened a bleary eye. "What are you looking at?" he grumbled, in a rough voice. He pulled his pillow over his face. "Wake me when it's noon, okay?" he muttered, then was, again, asleep. Jak grinned, tenderly brushing a strand of hair away from Keith's forehead. 'More than anything, I don't want to hurt him, but how is that possible? I hurt both of us each time I leave and head back to Florida, even if I never have sex with any of the guys. We both hurt the entire time I'm there, wishing we were back together. "There are other types of hurt than being separated," he imagined his brother saying, in a voice which was, only now, settling into the voice of an adult. The things his brother said, sometimes made Jak feel as if he were the younger of the two. "Imagine how he feels never being told that you love him?" Rex would ask. "I'm sure that must hurt. There's nothing you can change about what you do for a living, or having to make trips back back to Florida, but you can utter those three simple words.' "Say 'em," he imagined Rex demanding. "I love you," Jak responded. Rex grinned. "Thanks, and I love you, but it's not me who needs to hear 'em. Still," Rex smiled, "it was great to hear you say them to me. I tell Dad, every day, how much I love him. He needs to know that someone does . . . and no, that wasn't meant to hint that you don't." 'He seems so . . . grounded,' Jak thought. 'At the same time, he's still a fourteen year-old boy.' Jak snorted, as he left the bus stop behind, his breath creating a fog which was whipped away by a gust of wind. 'Get the boy naked, though,' he thought, thinking of his brother, 'and he's no boy. Damn, and I thought I was horny all the time.' Jak grinned, thinking how much his brother reminded him of Dave, back in warm . . . comfortable . . . sunny . . . warm . . . Florida. 'Dave's got the same type of personality. He's always laughing, yet there's an underlying seriousness about him. Same's true of Rex. I bet Dave, Pete, and Levi have some great times in bed. All of 'em are drop-dead sexy. 'Damn, but I can't begin to imagine what getting Rex and Dave together would be like,' he thought, half amused, as he clomped up the snow-free walk, to his boyhood home. He pressed the doorbell. Somehow, it didn't seem using his key would be the right thing to do. "Jak!" Rex called. In an enthusiastic greeting, as he flung open the door. "Welcome back to the ol' homestead!" he said, as he stepped aside, allowing his brother to enter. Before he realized what was happening, Rex had dragged him into the house and had wrapped him in an embrace, and was kissing him. "Down boy," Jak laughed, when they separated. He shook his head in wonder, wiping the back of his hand across his mouth. "Where'd you learn to kiss like that?" "From you. I study your vids. The homework is awesome," Rex answered, smugly. "Did I pass my test, Mister Teacher? Trouble is, I don't get to practice very often, so I have t'sort'a ambush you or Dad, so I can get in some practice time." He looked up. "Speaking of Dad," Rex nodded toward the man who had just passed in front of the living room window. "Hi, Dad," Jak smiled, as his father entered the house. "Jak!" Steve's smile was radiant. He hesitated, glancing at his son's winter coat. "Are you coming or going?" "I just got here and was ambushed by my little brother." "I needed some kissing practice," Rex added, as he pushed his arms into his winter coat. "By the way, I'm going over to a friend's. His mom's a great cook, and it's almost time for dinner." "Rexxxx . . ." The young man waved his father's concern aside. "Don't worry. They invited me." He waved, as he left the house. "Have a good time, guys. Don't do anything exciting until I get back. Okay?" He asked, pressing his nose to the glass of the living room window. "I seeee you!" He laughed, as he pulled away from the window then stopped. "Hey! I froze my nose to the glass!" He checked his hand for any blood. Finding none, he turned away from the window, and waved. Steve shook his head at his youngest son's antics, then turned back to Jak and held out his arms, silently requesting a hug. "Thanks for coming by. I've missed you." Jak stepped into the embrace and found that he wanted to cry. He held his father in a tight embrace, then sniffed. "Sorry," he apologized, grinning crookedly. "It just struck me, how much I love you. "May I?" he asked, as he pulled his father close, realizing that he wasn't the only one who was nearly overcome with emotion. Steve nodded once, then opened his mouth to welcome his son's tongue. * * * "Why wasn't Jak able to come to dinner with you?" Keith's sister, Sharon, asked, as she, Keith, and their father, Henry, settled in the living room. Keith's mother, Joan, had reluctantly left to attend a school board meeting, leaving the rest of the family to do the dinner dishes, and visit. "I came over here directly from school. Since I was going to be occupied almost all day, in classes, he intended to visit with his father. He was feeling guilty thinking he'd been ignoring him. They're really close, and, with me being at school, it was the perfect time for them to get together. "So, what are you gonna do?" his sister asked, after Keith had told them about the hotel, and the fun he and Jak had been having. "Do?" Sharon shook her head in exasperation. "What are you going to do, as in . . . are you going with Jak back to Florida, to be with him, or what?" "I'm in school, Sharon. I can't just pick up and leave." "If you wanted to bad enough, you could. There have got to be schools down in Florida." "Sharon, isn't it a little premature to be thinking about leaving school and moving away from home?" Keith's father asked. "Jak's brother said something just like Sharon, when he and I had dinner a couple weeks ago. Jak was down in Florida, and Rex, that's Jak's brother, called to say hi, and I took him to dinner. He told me I should move." "See!" Sharon crowed. "He's no dummy. Does he really like only boys?" she asked, leaning forward. Keith shrugged. "I don't know, so stop looking at me like I'm supposed to ask him, or something. We didn't sit around and talk about what turns him on. We talked about Jak." "Who turns you on," Sharon smiled. "Yeah . . . well," Keith blushed. "Yeah." "So . . . do . . . something!" she said, throwing her arms into the air as she left the room. "Dad?" Keith asked, turning to his father. His father looked at him with raised brows. "She has a point, and so do you." He leaned forward and briefly grasped his son's hand. 'His touch means love,' Keith thought, 'just as Jak's does. For Jak and me to go our own way would be like never seeing Dad again.' "You'll know when the time is right to make a decision." His father grinned. "There's the old joke about what does a lesbian bring along on her second date? The answer applies here . . . somewhat." When Keith gave him a blank look, Henry continued, providing the joke's punchline. "A moving van." "Well . . . perhaps it loses something in the telling," he grinned, when his son's blank look remained. "Ahem . . . well. The point is, don't rush into anything. Having said that, your sister's right. There are great schools in Florida; however, you have to consider whether you can get a scholarship down there, as good as the one you've got here. Because of that scholarship, you don't have to work while you go to school. You might, if you lived there. It sounds like Jak might be making lots of money, but I doubt you'd want him to support you. "I'm sure you've considered these things, or, if you haven't, you soon will. Your mother and I will support any decision you make. You're a bright guy, Keith, of whom we are extremely proud. Don't let your sister, Jak, or anyone else, encourage you to make a decision to do anything, before you're ready." Henry Massey studied his son. "May I ask you a personal question?" "Um, sure, I guess." "What are your thoughts about what Jak does for a living? I'm talking about how you feel about him having sex with many guys, even if it is for work. How does that make you feel?" Keith bowed his head. "It makes me feel rotten." "Have you thought, why? Don't you believe him when he says what he's doing is only a job, and that you are the person he really cares for?" "Yeah, I believe him." He looked up and met his father's skeptical expression. "I do. I put myself in his place, though, and wonder how I would react to those guys, knowing the two of us are separated by a couple thousand miles. Um . . ." "There's something more?" Keith nodded. "Dad, I can't help but wonder how I must come out on the short end of things whenever he compares me with one of those guys." "Hmm. Have you seen any of those guys, or are you just assuming? Those sorts of assumptions are probably not a wise thing to make. "Of course I'm prejudiced, but I think you're one of the nicest looking young men I've ever met. But," he held up a hand, asking to be heard. "But," he repeated, "You know, I know, and Jak knows, that looks are nothing but a small part of the package. Keith, you are a wonderful man. You're intelligent, and caring. You listen, you know how to laugh, and you don't take yourself, or those around you, so seriously that you spend your days anxious about one thing or another. You have a balance which many people will never have. From what little I've seen of Jak, he appears to have the same qualities. So . . . when you're worrying about how nice looking those guys are he works with, you're taking into consideration only one aspect of them. Jak knows them, and he cares for you . . . not them . . . you. Of course, some of them may be wonderful people, but still Jak cares for you. "Um . . . out of curiosity, have you seen any of his vids?" Keith made a face and bowed his head. "Um . . . no. I'm afraid to. I don't know what I'd think, watching him with someone else. Somehow, it's better for me not to know. "Dad, I don't know what to do. He's told me over and over that I am the guy he cares for. I believe him, still . . ." "If he lived here and worked in a normal every day sort of job, and you guys were in a relationship, would monogamy be really important to you?" Keith thought. "I don't know." He paused. "Yeah, I guess. But, he's not here. His job isn't some regular sort'a job, so what I wish has no meaning. I've been presented with an entirely different situation. I wonder if any of the other guys he works with are involved in some sort of relationship when they go home." "Jak seems to be an honorable sort of fellow. From the point of an outsider who loves you dearly, and very much does not wish to see you hurt, he seems to genuinely care for you. The way he looks at you, the way he touches you, those are not things I believe a person can easily fake. His feelings are obvious in everything he does . . . as are yours." Henry laughed. "I don't know what all that means, other than to say that if Jak tells you you are the man he cares for, I would tend to believe him. "What we're really talking about, though, is not whether Jak cares for you or not, are we?" Keith shook his head. "No . . . not really." "We're talking about jealousy, feelings of inferiority, and all sorts of nasty little things which none of us like to face . . . aren't we?" Henry asked. "I'm going to have to face those things, though, aren't I?" Henry reached out and squeezed his son's shoulder. "I'm afraid so. But, Keith, there is no reason for you to think you have to face them alone. I am here . . . always, as is your mother, and your sister." Henry grinned. "She's always got some piece of advice to impart. "She's very much like you, actually. She, however, has never been faced with the situations you are facing. When she does . . . eventually have to face them, her cavalier attitude, toward many things, will change. Still . . . both of my children are strong individuals, who are more than capable of handling anything they face." "Are you hinting that I shouldn't get more involved than I already am?" "Good heavens! No! Definitely not. I'm not hinting, or suggesting, anything. We've both come to the conclusion that Jak's feelings toward you are genuine, and, so, by extension, his claim that you are the man he cares about, not the guys he works with, must also be true. So . . . we're left with the realization that we're not talking about Jak, here. We're talking about you." "He knows how I feel about seeing his vids," Keith said, speaking slowly, as if forming his thoughts as he spoke. "He knows I'm thinking I'm not able to compare favorably with any of those guys. He's told me those things are nonsense, and has told me why . . . at length." Keith's grin caused his father to smile. "He's asked if I would like to go down there with him, one of these times, when school's not in session. Just to meet the guys," he said, "and to learn how unfounded my fears are." "And?" Keith shrugged, grinning crookedly. "I guess meeting everyone with clothes on, would be better than seeing 'em all naked and screwing around . . . n'stuff . . ." he said, his voice trailing away. "Dad . . ." Keith hesitated. "Thanks, for all those cool things you said about me, and for your support. I'm a pretty lucky guy." "As am I, Keith," Henry Massey said, "As am I." * * * "I've got t'be one of the luckiest guys around," Jak said, as he finished his dinner and looked across the table. Steve Rollins, Jak's father, acknowledged his son's comment with a slight grin and a nod. "Lucky, and troubled, I'd say. Are you and Keith having problems?" Jak's eyes widened. "No! None!" "So . . .?" "I'm worried about you. I feel as if I've abandoned you and Rex, leaving you two guys to handle everything with Mom and . . . and . . ." he hesitated, as if reluctant to use his sister's name, "and, Aubrey," he concluded, doing his best not to make a face, showing his disgust at his sister's behavior. "I don't understand her!" he said, in frustration, his voice rising. "Either of 'em, really . . . Mom, or Aubrey! Well . . . maybe, Aubrey. After all, she's always been like that. But, Mom?" Steve held up a hand. "Whoa, Jak! There's no reason for you to get upset by your sister's behavior, or your mother's. As you said, Aubrey has always been . . . like she is, so we should not be surprised. "As for your mother . . . well," Steve hesitated, looking away from his son, then back. "Jak, your mother has done nothing wrong. In fact, I admire her for not allowing herself to remain in our rut of a marriage." "Rut?" Steve nodded. "Yes." He grinned, crookedly. "Your mother and I remain very good friends, but," he shrugged, "we're no longer in love. She's using Aubrey's departure as a way to get herself out of our relationship, her's and mine. We have never . . . not once . . . argued, or raised our voices at one another. We have just . . . grown apart. If she and I are no longer going to be married, I am pleased we can still be friends, since I continue to care for her, deeply. She has said as much, about me. So, while I am upset about your sister's behavior, I am happy your mother and I feel the way we do about one another. Even though she won't be my wife, se will continue to be parts of one another's life. "Soon, she's going to have her views of me, and of many other things . . ." Steve hesitated, "challenged, and our friendship will be tested." "I don't understand." "Whenever I am fortunate enough to meet a loving man, I will not hesitate to let her know of my happiness. I . . . hope . . . she will be able to handle the news." Steve grinned. "It would certainly be nice to have news to give her. I'm glad our marriage has ended the way it has, rather than in explosive fights and name calling. I don't expect she'll handle the news of me being in a relationship badly, but, one never knows. I am concerned though, that she may believe I've been seeing someone behind her back. If she gets such a notion into her head, I don't see anyway to prove a negative. I'll just have to tell her . . . calmly . . . that she's wrong, and accept the consequences. I shudder to think of Aubrey learning any of this. That girl would think nothing of stooping to attempting to extort money from me by threatening to tell my boss, or whatever of my relationship. "The boss should not be a problem, since I've already spoken to him. Both sets of grandparents are no longer living, so she won't have any satisfaction using that angle. I'll have to corner her uncles and aunts though, before she has a chance. Of course, I must first meet the love of my life," Steve grinned. "Is Mom expecting you to support her and Aubrey?" Steve laughed and shook his head. "No. In fact, your mother told me she's gotten a teaching job, in Detroit. Aubrey was especially pleased to hear the news." Jak snorted. "I'd imagine. I feel sorry for Mom." "Don't. She's aware of what Aubrey is like. If she allows herself to be drawn into the young lady's schemes, she has only herself to blame. Aubrey does know she is not to come crying back to me, when things don't end up going as she would like. I told her that, once she moved away from home, she was on her own . . . period. I told her I would support her as long as she lived under this roof, but the moment she left, any and all financial support I might provide would cease, never to be resumed, for any reason. I reminded her of those statements on the day she left." Steve grimly smiled. "I don't think she believes me." "So . . . what are you going to do?" Steve laughed. "Perhaps, move, and leave no forwarding address?" "I'm going to give things a little while to settle down. Right now, I don't want to start making life-changing decisions, although your mother would like to quickly settle the divorce. That should be possible, since we are not fighting over anything." He shook his head, wearing a rueful expression. "I've got enough life-changing things to deal with." "Like me abandoning you." "No. Jak, you took a job in another state. You did not abandon me, or your brother. I hope he hasn't led you to believe that's how I feel. If he has suggested such is the case, he is mistaken. I miss you. I miss our face-to-face talks, and our hugs, but I do not feel abandoned. When I mentioned life-changing things to deal with, I was thinking more along the lines of my sexuality, and my desire to find someone with whom I can have a good time, both emotionally, and sexually." He heaved a sigh. "Sex. You're aware, I assume, that your brother and I masturbated together, then . . . sucked one another off?" "Um . . . no. Well, I sort'a figured the masturbation part out." "That was the only time we've gotten that intimate, and it has bothered me. Not the sex part; that was fun, but the part about having sex with my own son . . . who happens to be fourteen." "Fifteen, in a couple days." "Nevertheless." "He mentioned you both sleep together." Steve nodded. "Yes. We sleep together. Oh . . . we're naked, we cuddle, and sometimes kiss, but we don't have sex with one another. Rex has said both of us need to realize we're not alone, that we are still loved, and I agree with him. He would like for us to do more, but has not pressured me. He knows I would not agree." Steve grinned. "Feeling him next to me each night has been a comfort. Being with a guy, whether having sex, or hugging, kissing, or lying naked at one another's side, as you sleep, is so much different from doing those same things with a woman. I knew that years ago, and I pushed my desires to the background, ignoring them. "In the meantime, I had three wonderful children. Yes . . . even Aubrey. I have to say that, Jak. She is my daughter. I may not like her behavior, and I do not intend to enable her to continue her behavior, but I do love her, just as I love you and your brother." "I wasn't suggesting otherwise," Jak murmured, in a droll voice. "Yes . . ." Steve seemed to deflate. "Well . . . at least you know where I stand." "So you intend to . . . eventually . . . divorce Mom, and start looking for someone your own age, with whom to have a relationship." "Yeah, I'd like that to happen right away, but, your brother already is feeling abandoned. His life has been turned upside down, and, on a number of occasions, he's told me he fears I'll find someone with whom to spend my life, and then he really will feel all alone. I don't want that to happen, at least until he's a little older and has had a chance to begin to settle into his own sexual orientation." "He's gay, isn't he?" Steve shrugged. "I don't know. Oh, he loves gay sex . . . he thinks, but, I think he's a little too young to really know what he's going to want, for the rest of his life. I think he'll probably end up being gay, but I don't want to make assumptions. What I do know is, he is not interested, whatsoever, in someone his own age. I believe he would want any person he might be interested in to be older than himself, by ten years, or so. Such a age difference makes me a little nervous, because I don't want some worldly person to take advantage of him. Rex needs to mature some more, and I don't want him to be forced to do it without my support. In some way . . . many ways, actually, he's mature beyond his years, but in many other ways, he's a fourteen year-old boy in a young man's body." "But . . ." "Oh, I'll keep on the lookout for someone. I've joined a gym, for instance, with a stellar shower room." He laughed. "Someone asked me the other day what equipment I was using at the gym. I had to think a minute. 'The gym has equipment?' I was about to ask. "'Actually, I come here because of the showers.'" Both Steve and Jak laughed. "That's how I chose the gym," Steve added. "I don't want any part of a gym where everyone hides in a little cubicle, as they're showering, and walks around wrapped in a towel, or worse yet, a bathrobe. I want to see lots of naked skin," he laughed, wiggling his dark eyebrows. "So . . . even though I'll be keeping my eyes open, I want to be here for Rex. He needs me." "As do I," Jak said. "I may be over eighteen, n'all, but, geez Dad, I miss you so much. I hate that we're not able to be t'gether n'all." "We will be, Jak. I'm confident that . . . in the end . . . we will be."
|