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"When I think of our times together "I...I have to call Chris, Mark's priest, to find out when the memorial service is going to be held and we'll have all that time until then to be together. Let's see how we feel then." "We can still sleep together every night, can't we?" "You'd better plan on it!" "Good. Now kiss me good night or good morning and let's go to sleep!" * * * David, Chris, and Thad decided to have a memorial service for all three, Mark, Alex, and Steve, Saturday evening, two nights from now. Invitations were sent only by word-of-mouth to all three's friends. David and Luke found time given to them as Todd, Marcia, and Andy continued helping Chris with the meal deliveries and Randy spent the following two nights at Thad's. During the day, Randy made phone calls which resulted in food donations from a host of new sources and restaurant equipment to assist in the meal preparation. However, Randy decided that the church's kitchen was too small, so he rented a warehouse and began to transform it into an independent food pantry where Chris would have ample room and supplies to do justice to the service. Randy even had an office built for himself...his first office anywhere, so he could oversee the operation. Although David and Luke spent the next two evenings alone at Randy's, Luke remained nervous about David's decision which would be forthcoming after the memorial service. And David? David was loving just being around Luke. Father 'D' finally learned the truth about Andy's diary, but was still reticent about asking Chris' forgiveness for the rash accusations he had made against the young man, but he did give Chris permission to use the church's smaller sanctuary for the Saturday evening memoriam. Over one hundred friends, former lovers, and one-night tricks showed up Saturday night. A few minutes past eight in the evening, when everyone there had settled down, Chris arose from his chair and took his place at the podium to begin the eulogies. After a few opening remarks, Chris said: "Stephen Sondheim, the brilliant composer, has earned and received every imaginable award...Tony, Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, Pulitzer, the Presidential Medal of Arts Award, the Olivier, on and on. He's been called a genius, Broadway's last and greatest composer/lyricist, and to all that I'd like to add the title of Master of the Metaphor because of his intricate use of the English language. One such metaphor which Sondheim wrote appears toward the end of his musical, 'Into The Woods'. He was describing a tragic death that occurred all too soon, when he wrote, 'Sometimes people leave you halfway through the wood..." but then he goes on to comfort us by saying, 'No one is alone'. "Mark, Alex, and Steve all left us 'halfway through the wood'. Quite often I've recited those lyrics or different parts of them while I stood by someone's bedside, someone who was about to leave me halfway. Sondheim's lyrics seemed starkly prophetic, but still comforting, especially the final couplets, 'Hard to see the light now, just don't let it go. Things will turn out right now. We can make it so...Someone is on your side. No one is alone.' I think that just about says it all. Neither they, nor we, are alone. We come together to comfort one another in times such as these...other times at celebrations. Maybe that's why we call it the 'gay life' because we're supposed to be gay, no matter what hardship we must face. "I'd like to say a few words about our Steve, as I remember him. Most of you know that I have been in charge of supplying meals to various men and women who'd lost their food stamps or free meals as a result of the new state and federal budget cuts. Steve was usually the last person on my morning and evening meal routes because Steve was almost the highlight of my day. His sarcasm and the dry wit he usually used to complain about the food which I had brought was merely an façade, a defense, because Steve was one who didn't know how to say 'thank you', but I know he always appreciated my visits and everything that was done for him. Before he contracted AIDS, most of you remember Steve as being the life of the party, whether it was at a bar, at someone's home, or in his own apartment. I don't know if he ever had a lover before he became ill, but if he did, that lover must've had a wonderful time being with him. When Mark, his roommate, became sicker than Steve, Steve forgot about his own pain and became a regular Florence Nightingale to Mark. Mark couldn't've had a better friend or caretaker. Many nights when Steve was really too sick himself to be out of bed, he stayed by Mark's bedside the entire night just to make sure Mark was comfortable. Steve was a loving man, a kind man, a funny man...and he was my friend." The ensuing pause was broken by audible sobs. Turning his face in Thad's direction, he said, "Thad, would you like to say a few words about Alex?" "I'm not good at speeches, Chris, but I'll try," Thad said as he walked down to the front of the sanctuary. "As I remember Alex...well, as most of you remember Alex, he could be a real pain in the ass. Maybe he was perhaps many years too young to be my lover or maybe I wasn't mature enough to enter into a serious relationship, but I did try. I...I loved Alex, but it wasn't easy because Alex didn't know how to love me, or anyone else, back. Like Steve, Alex loved having fun and when that brand of 'fun' didn't seem to satisfy him any longer, he took his fun to the next level. God! Everyone in this room knows how good-looking he was and how sexy! Yes, he was sexy. He loved sex almost to the point of being insatiable. How he escaped HIV or AIDS is a mystery, but when he died, his autopsy showed him to be virus-free. Because I loved him, I think his untimely passing was meant to act as an example for guys like him...and I'm referring to his use of drugs. Sure, I'm a cop and I arrest drug users nightly. I...I've even arrested some of you. I arrested Alex twice, put him in a couple of drug rehabs...brought him home to live with me just so I could watch over him and take care of him, but I realize I failed him. It was if he had a suppressed death wish; maybe he just wasn't aware of it. I don't know of many other things I could have done to help him. Maybe some of you tried and failed just as I did...but I won't forget him. I can't! I don't want any of you to forget him either. I want you to make his death mean something the next time you light up a joint, snort some coke, get high on smack or ecstasy...or if you see anyone else doing things like that, tell 'em what happened to a wonderful little guy...what he did...and where it led him. As I said, I loved him, but if he were here tonight and alive, I'd like to kick his butt. Yes, I'll remember him and I hope all of you will, too!" Thad had begun his speech quietly, controlled. He choked back tears a couple of times and let his rage show at other times. He didn't know if his eulogy had been heard by those who needed to hear it, but he wouldn't take back a word and he hoped that his friend Alex had not died in vain. He stopped and walked back to the back of the room. Chris walked back to the podium. "I think everyone here knew Mark and I would like to ask Mark's brother, David, down from Virginia, to say something about Mark." David was nervous though had practiced in his mind all the things he wanted to say but as soon as he walked up to the podium, everything he planned to say suddenly left him. "Thank you, Chris," David said quietly. He hesitated for a moment, then opened his heart to speak. "Mark was my brother and we were close for the first sixteen years of his life. But the day he left Virginia to move to Atlanta and then, after I learned the reason why he left, I realized I hardly knew him at all. I think most of you who were his friends knew him better than I ever did.. After he left home, it was only by a dire circumstance that I found out he was gay. I'd always thought Mark and I were as close as two brothers could get, but he'd never confided or even hinted his sexuality to me. I was hurt...hurt because I felt he didn't trust me or feared that I'd judge him and criticize his way of life. Who knows? Maybe I would've, since that's the way I was brought up by my parents. I only assumed that Mark had been instilled with the same ideas that I had." David paused to allow his heart to give him more words, and when he spoke again, his voice was quiet. "Being perfectly honest with all of you, I was ashamed at first. I was also angry that my brother would stoop so low as to engage in sex with another male. To me, the mental picture I had was disgusting, revolting, and almost unforgivable. Having lived in a small Virginia town all my life, I'd never known or even talked with a gay person...male or female. I mean, in my hometown, if it were known that a boy was gay, he would've been looked on the way someone looks and then turns away when he sees a retarded child, an autistic child, or one with cerebral palsy. It wouldn't have surprised me if Jerry Lewis had included a special fund for gay boys on his Labor Day telethon each year. Mark couldn't have been that way! I just refused to believe it. I talked with him a few times on the phone and he said everything he could to open my eyes and to accept him as he was. "So the logical thing to do, as with any abnormal affliction, was to go to the library and read all about the history, symptoms, traits, and possible cures for homosexuality. It took months and many volumes of information before I came to realize that Mark had no choice in the matter any more than if he had been born without an arm or a leg. My biggest mistake, and the one that I'll regret to my dying day, is that I didn't come down here to Atlanta to see him and get to know the 'real' Mark...the one that all of you knew---and I didn't! Me. His brother. "I'm afraid Mark was a much better brother to me than I ever was to him. That's why it sounds almost hypocritical to say that I loved him more than anyone else in my life...but I never showed him how I felt. "During my stay in Atlanta this week, I've gotten to know just what it means to be gay. I've been staying nightly with gay guys and I've come to realize that all gays, maybe gays from all over the world, are like members of a huge fraternity. Because you're beaten down and abused by society and by special laws, you have to come to one another's defense since there's no big leader such as a president, a governor, or even a mayor to give you support. They, as I did in my ignorance, look at gays as if they were lepers who should be cast away on some remote island, far away from the heterosexual world, and then maybe you'd be forgotten when the last of you died out...since gays don't procreate. "Now I'll tell all of you something which may not interest you, or to some, may even shock you, but this week, I had my very first gay experience...and all the books I've read on the subject are totally useless and worthless after you've held a man and been held in his arms. All I could think was, 'God! No wonder the straight world fights homosexuality, because once you've tried it, there's no going back! It had to be the most wonderful and memorable moment of my life. I'm just mad as hell that Mark's not here to let me share every vivid detail with him. "At one of the places I've been staying down here, my host has a large CD collection and a couple of nights ago, he played a song by the Seattle Men's Chorus. It was called, 'As I Remember Him'. I cried when I heard it because every line of the lyrics reminded me of Mark. I listened to it over and over until I grabbed a piece of paper and jotted down the lyrics as fast as I could. I'd like to read them to you now as a special tribute to Mark, my brother. Although I didn't know Alex and barely knew Steve, maybe these words written by the late Portia Nelson will enable you to reflect on Alex and Steve as well." David's voice trembled as he read the song: "As I remember him, he had a gentle way. David left the podium with unashamed tears streaming down his face and went back to sit with Luke, who grabbed his hand and gave it a squeeze. It was Chris' turn now to speak the final words of the service. "Thank you, David, thank you, Thad, and thank you all for coming. It's not easy saying goodbye to someone you love. That is why we all have gathered together, but tonight the grief and heartbreak is tripled because it's just not one someone, but three...three of our closest friends...Mark, Alex, and Steve. The fact that all three were born gay merely bonds them in the brotherhood of all gays. Though we are all different, born with different likes, dislikes, talents, and often with varied status quo positions, we all still share a common brotherhood that is trying diligently to find an equal path in today's society. "Mark and Alex were inflicted with what are called gay diseases. Alex, although his illness was the type that couldn't be found under a microscope, was fighting the endless battle of homosexual acceptance...a place where he shouldn't have needed a reason to hide or try to escape. And yet all three were very young and should have had decades of life still to live and enjoy. Each seemed to welcome his death as a way to rid himself of the pain and mental anguish that befall many gay people. "To me, the only thing worse than having a friend die is having a friend who wants to die. That's when it becomes incomparably more difficult for us, the survivors. We ask ourselves did we do all that we could for our friend to give him a reason to live, if for only one more day? But looking from another perspective, did we love him enough to want to him to live one more day, only to endure his constant misery? Was it our selfishness that wanted him to stay with us because of the loneliness we would experience once he was finally gone? Did I offer him enough love and friendship for him to want to stay with me another day? "These are things for us to decide. Mark, Alex, and Steve, they each made their decisions. I'm sure they loved us, but I suppose all three thought that they had had enough and so they searched for final peace and freedom. "They were gay and there are those, many of whom are world-renowned religious leaders, who would say that, by 'choosing' a gay lifestyle, they forfeited any chance for an eternity with God. I can't say that myself, not because I'm sure they weren't committing a sin against God for living the way they did, but even though I'm a minister of the cloth, I don't know for sure if they forfeited anything. There is no guarantee of an eternity after death...no proof that there's a heaven or a hell...I don't know and neither do those world-wide renown religious leaders. They have no more sure promise of a hereafter than any of us. "I'm reminded of a song which won the late Peggy Lee a Grammy, 'Is That All There Is?' This song was banned by many radio stations for airplay when it was first released back in the sixties because it questioned the Christian afterlife. Toward the end of the number, Peggy spoke, 'I know what you must be saying to yourselves...If that's the way she feels about it, why doesn't she just end it all? Oh, no. Not me. I'm in no hurry for that final disappointment, for I know just as well as I'm standing here talking to you, when that final moment comes and I'm breathing my last breath, I'll be saying to myself, 'Is that all there is?' "We choose the Holy Bible as our guide to perfection, which everyone knows doesn't and can't exist. In the Old Testament, the tribes of Israel were unmanageable, so laws had to be set down. Laws with punishment...sometimes so severe, the punishment would be dying and spending all eternity in a lake of fire...or worse, to spend life alone and absent from the Almighty. "If you count backward in Jewish history, then Adam and Eve lived in the garden of Eden around six thousand years ago. Christ was born two thousand years ago, King David, approximately six hundred years before Christ, and Moses around six hundred years before David...keep going back and you do the math. "Yet we're finding skulls, skeletons, and relics dating back almost a billion years. So, if the God of Abraham dates back five thousand years, then how old is God and when did eternity begin for everyone who died since Adam and Eve? "We live by faith...faith that the Jewish scribes knew what they were talking about and that there is a life after death. But that's when an atheist's reasonable doubt comes into the picture. The modern Christians base their beliefs on the King James version of the Bible. If you know your history, King James was a merry old soul, but not a very good king. He wanted to do something to be remembered for, so he assembled some sixteen thousand scribes and translators to assemble what we know as the King James Version. On the designated date, all books which were finished were set in place with 'nothing to be added'. There were over a dozen books which didn't make his deadline and some churches, including the Anglican and Episcopal include them in their 'complete' Bible. "Christians take every word at face value exactly as the King James writers set them down on paper, but then they interpret every word, every verse, and every chapter as they see fit, twisting them into a dozen variations and no one knows who's right. Each sect insists that it is right...it's way is the only way...the gospel! "So...have Mark, Alex, and Steve found peace with God? No one can actually say. My earnest prayer is that they've all found peace...period! Peace from their pain, from their physical, mental, and emotional torture. I find myself having to forgive them for 'wanting to die'. I'll miss them. All of you will miss them. But none of us would want them back just for our own selfish motives, only to have them suffer through another day just because we wanted to have them around us. "I'll remember them as they were before they got sick...when they had fun, when they were fun to be around...their jokes, their music, even the problems which they shared with us, especially problems we could help solve. If anything, everyone who's gathered here to remember them would like to give them each a hug, an embrace, a kiss, or even have a dance with them. That's the way I'll remember each of them. "And now, I would like to take a few more minutes of your time, away from the service for our three friends to tell you them I'm leaving the priesthood, partly because of my three friends, Mark, Alex, and Steve, have shown me. Being a priest requires a dedication and a sacrifice that sets the religious apart from regular normal human beings. The Church and our parishioners set us up on a pedestal. If one of us strays or does something that a normal person would do, then we are criticized twice as harshly because we are put 'on high' to be role models and supposedly above reproach. "We are allowed to love only God and no other...and after much thought, I don't believe that's the way God meant it to be. Most of the apostles were married with children and Christ called them to serve Him---and to maintain a family. I feel that I have served in my capacity as assistant rector of St. Thaddeus to the best of my ability. My thoughts remained holy and reverent for as long as a human's thoughts can. But I know now that there is nothing 'super' about me, I am human...a human with human needs and desires. I am sure the majority of celibate 'super humans' feel as I do from time to time, some perhaps all the time, but I find this unfair and in some ways cruel. How can we be human role models when we are not allowed to feel and to be human? The adage, 'It takes one to know one', can't apply in this instance as we are not supposed to be like other humans. "Needless to say, I was gay...and very actively gay before I became a priest but is it fair for me to go 'cold turkey' overnight...never to have sex, never to kiss and hold someone close to me at night and instead to try to convince myself that's it's best to deny my human lusts and needs, just because the Church can't or won't adjust to the twenty-first century? Who knows? If I'm wrong and there is a hell, then maybe I can elevate my position and be hell's gatekeeper. "This week, I discovered love and what it feels like to be in love and I must say it's wonderful and I don't feel that I'm blaspheming when I say that love comes from God and humans are supposed to experience it and feel it. I'm not a gray-haired bishop or cardinal-to-be and I hope and pray that one day the Church wakes up and pays some attention to its own, just as we're supposed to pay attention to those whom we serve, such as all of you. "Earlier this week, I googled a phrase on the computer, 'Time is no friend of mine' and found dozens of second lines to that phrase coming from people as different as John Lennon and the Dalai Lama, but I suddenly wanted to cry out, 'No! Time, be my friend!' since time is so precious to all of us. No one knows when his time will run out or the time we share with a friend, a lover, a relative, or an acquaintance! I say to you, embrace the time we have...to ourselves and one another and make each moment of time important. I urge all of you to make time your friend and keep it in your daily thoughts. Our three friends whom we're here to remember tonight were all too young to leave us. Time is never in the present, for, in an instant, it's already passed. Future time is gone almost as quickly. So, from this moment, my new motto will be, 'Time be my friend'. Don't let a second pass by filling it with something you'll regret. Time is the period we're given to make memories. Time spent...time shared...but, please God, never time wasted. "Perhaps this wasn't the time for me to say all of this, but if souls live after death, even if in a time-lock, then I wanted Mark, Alex, and Steve to hear it from me now. Chris asked everyone to stand for a final benediction for their dearly departed brothers. Neither he nor anyone else spoke aloud as they all thought their silent farewells; each in his own thoughts and remembrances...and then Chris quietly said, "Amen". Many of Mark's friends came up to David and introduced themselves, telling him how much Mark was loved and how greatly he'd be missed. David, in turn, thanked each with a handshake, a hug, or a kiss on the cheek. Most didn't know if David was gay or not. David took their heartfelt condolences as meaning he was accepted by them, as if he were now one of them. David, Luke, Randy, and Thad were the very last to leave the church. It was quickly agreed that it would relax them all to go to Randy's apartment for a drink. It was a Saturday night, a night when Randy and Thad usually went to a gay bar or two, but just having come from the memorial service, that idea never occurred to them. This was actually the first time the four of them had been alone together as a group to talk. David and Luke sat close to one another on one sofa while Thad sat on the opposite sofa. He was soon joined by Randy as soon as he had fixed drinks. Each of them having a glass in his hand, they raised them high to toast the three departed amigos, amantes, y hermano (friends, lovers, and brother). "So," Randy began in an attempt to divert the focus, "when are you going back to Virginia, guys? Don't misunderstand-- It's not like I want you to go. Hell, it would be perfect with me if the two of you moved down here permanently." "If I get a flight out tomorrow, I should be home for supper," David replied. "What about you, Luke? I understand that you're not enrolled in college just now? Would you like to stay a while longer? The room and board are dirt cheap." "Honestly, I don't know, Randy. David and I have some more talking to do and then it'll be up to him to decide whether I go with him." "Can I put my two cents' worth in?" Thad asked. "Sure..." "I've known David less than a week, and I hardly know you at all, Luke. The one common bond that all four of us have is Mark. We all loved Mark on different levels...brother, friend, lover, and ex-lover. It's none of my business, but if Mark were here, I think he would want the two of you to get together. I'm no dummy. Neither is Randy, but both of us know that the two of you have been sharing the same bed for the past three nights. Randy's bed hasn't been touched. It's not that cold outside and Randy's apartment is well heated. So I can be pretty sure that you haven't been sleeping together just to keep warm. Which brings up the obvious...I'm no romantic, but I am a damned good detective and it's quite plain to see, by the way you look at each other, something more than just a longtime friendship has bonded the two of you. I would say that one of you--or both?--has fallen in love." Thad's blatant remark made David and Luke drop their heads in embarrassment. Randy kept looking at one and then the other to see how each or both would respond to Thad's keen observance. "David, I know you're straight or so you believe. Hell, you practically had banners strung up all over my apartment with your assertion. But there was a time when I said the same thing of myself. I was a cop and I had to be straight. I dated only women and even fucked half of them. But one dark-driven night when I had spent an hour or so trying to get some bitch to reach an orgasm, I looked down at her and thought, 'What in the fuck am I doing? I'm not enjoying this at all!' I got up, dressed, and went to the nearest gay bar, picked up the roughest, toughest, hombre I'd ever seen and I went home with him and fucked him the rest of the night. I couldn't stop. I reached one climax after another and that's when I realized that I was gay. No more women for me. I was a real man who liked having sex with real men and if anyone in my precinct didn't like it, they could go fuck themselves and I told them as much. After that, I gained my fellow policemen's respect and they accepted me as I am, not as I'd tried to be for them. You can't live your life for someone else's selfish reason. It's your life and you have control over your own destiny and no one else has that right." "What about the two of you?" David asked, hoping to deflect the attention away from him and Luke. "Us?" Randy said. "Thad and I are going to move in together. Not here and not at his place. We've decided to buy or build a home and decorate it room by room, piece by piece, to our own liking. Thad'll have someone to come home to after playing cops and drug dealers all day and night. Me? I'm gonna spend as much time as possible organizing the meal service and see that those guys get proper nutrition and some decent-tasting food. I already have food, equipment, and money donations running out of my kazoo...so no more soup and PBJ sandwiches for an HIV patient to try to survive on. If the budget permits---and I know damned well it will---then they'll get steak, lobster, broiled fish, fresh vegetables, and drop-dead desserts from now on!" "God, Randy, that sounds wonderful!" David exclaimed. "It surely doesn't sound like the old Randy that I knew!" Thad replied. "I'm not exactly sure what brought about the change in him, but somehow during this past week, I discovered that I have fallen in love with the good-looking jerk!" "I could say that I love him too," Randy added, "but he'd forget the real reason why I wanted to get together with him. It was cheaper to hook up and live with a policeman than it was to hire a permanent security guard to keep me and my money safe." "Oh, so you think I don't love you but only your money, huh?" "Thad, I would give away my last dollar to keep you with me from now on." Randy's voice and eyes showed that this was a completely honest statement, made from the heart. "Looks like the two of you have everything worked out between you," Luke said. "We do, Luke, but what about you two?" Thad pressed on. "Whatever we decide tonight, you'll be the first to know in the morning, that is, if you're going to spend the night in Randy's bedroom." "Might as well since this is now my second home. God! I love saying that!" "Well, children, why don't we call it a night and all go beddy-bye and let the two of you find your solution?" Randy suggested. "In the meantime, I bet Thad and I can find something to do in our bedroom." The two couples arose from the sofas, exchanged hugs and each went into their perspective bedroom. Thad and Randy closed their door and soon the sound of silly giggling was heard. David went into the guest room while Luke followed glumly. "What's the matter?" David asked Luke. "I feel like a convict who's supposed to die tomorrow and knows this is his last night to spend in his cell." "What do you mean?" "David, we both know that this is our last night together forever. Tomorrow, Jenny will be the center of your life again. You'll phone her in London and that will be the end of me. You probably won't even turn around to say goodbye." "Is that the only scenario you can envision?" "It's the only one I can expect." "Why don't we go to bed and discuss this at length?" "We can, but once we get in bed, we'll start fooling around...and yes, that's exactly what we'll do...fool around...only you'll be fooling me." "You can't visualize my choosing you over Jenny?" "Not in this world or the next. Remember I've already had one Stanley brother to walk away from me, now I'll have two." "Please, Luke, let's take off our clothes and lie down. OK?" "All right." Both remained totally silent as they undressed down and crawled into the bed. Keeping their heads on separate pillows, they exchanged long glances. Luke appeared as if he was about to cry. "Luke, suppose we did become a couple. Where would you like to live? We both know it would be better if we moved far away." "If I thought you meant that and if it were possible...next door to Randy and Thad's house which they plan to build, wherever that is. Heck, I don't know. We could lease or buy this apartment from Randy. There are dozens of colleges and universities in the Atlanta area. Don't worry about your dad and the tuition. I'll gladly pay all the bills. I'll put my money in a joint account so that half of it will be yours...then you can buy anything you want and pay for it out of our account." "Boy, you sure do drive a mean bargain to get your way, don't you?" "God damn it, David, don't you see I love you?" Luke's tears blurred his vision. "Well, God damn it yourself, Luke, can't you see that I love you too?" David's quiet voice rang with sincerity and warmth. "Oh, fuck! Do you really mean that?" "Bet your bottom dollar I do." "Oh, Jesus! I feel like shouting!" "Don't! Thad might come running in here with his gun drawn, thinking I'm killing you." "Let him shoot me! I'd die completely happy for once in my life!" "Will you just stop talking and kiss me?" David asked. "Now and every day for the rest of our lives." Luke leapt into David's waiting arms and smothered him with kisses which led into an hour of lovemaking, leaving both exhausted and ecstatic. "I don't think I'll live very long if every night is going to be like this!" David said finally, his face buried in Luke's shoulder. "Don't worry, I've got a pamphlet that tells me how to survive it." "Hey, do you think we should go back to Virginia tomorrow?" "And let your dad start trying to take away what we have? No! We should stay another week or two! Randy won't mind. Starting Monday, you can scout around for whichever grad school you'd like to transfer into. Hell, what's in Virginia that we don't have here? We have plenty of clothes or we can buy new ones. We have a place to stay, with plenty of good southern restaurants to try...but most of all, we have each other. It's funny that Thad saw it before you did." "I...I felt it all along, Luke, I was just afraid to admit it to myself." "What? That you're gay now?" "No, that I'm human and in love!" Chris sat alone at his desk in his room adjacent to the church, a shaded desk lamp the only illumination. He was writing a letter, pausing from time to time to formulate the phrases he needed to say. When he was through, he found he'd written only a few short paragraphs.
Chris addressed the envelope to Andy's house. Then he packed his few worldly clothes, leaving behind the priestly vestments. He turned out the lights, got into his car and drove down the street, stopping only at the corner mailbox to mail the letter. Finally, he set off to find his 'someone'. He was no longer a priest, but a man - his own man. fin. |