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"When my life is through, "Todd, Marcia...that's the primary reason for my visit this morning. I am torn over what I should do. I am bound by faith to uphold my vow of celibacy, but my feelings for Andy have put my life in a state of...there's a crazy word for it...'Koyaanisqatsi'...life out of balance... and I don't know what to do. So much has happened in the past week. I've lost three good friends..." "Three?" Andy asked. "Who was the third?" "Andy, on the route this morning...we...we found Steve lying on his bathroom floor..." "Dead?" "Yeah, I'm afraid so." "Oh, my Lord, Father!" Marcia exclaimed. "You've had quite a morning." "I can't believe it, Chris..." Andy said as Todd and Marcia gave a quick look at each other, for this was the first time Andy had ever referred to Chris by his first name. "He didn't kill himself, did he?" Andy asked softly. "No, Andy, he...I think he decided he was tired of being sick and decided he was ready to go." "I really liked Steve. He was always so funny." "He enjoyed seeing you, Jeff, and Tommy. You three were almost the highlight of his day. He loved making you laugh." "I...I'll miss him." "We all will, Andy." "Father, I'm sitting here wondering what the two of you should do," Todd said. "I know, Todd. I have some big decisions to make," Chris said. "I realize it's not my place to ask, but since my son's happiness is involved, I will. If you should come out of the priesthood, have you thought about what you would do?" "That's all I've thought about all night and most of the morning," Chris replied. "And...?" "I'm twenty-six. I have two degrees and there are many careers I could pursue. Teaching isn't out of the question. I had many interests before becoming a priest. I have a minor in mathematics. I love architecture. I used to design and build furniture when I was a teen. My career opportunities are limitless." Then he turned to face Andy. "Most of my future depends on you. There's six years difference in our ages. I know you'll be going off to college in the fall. You'll probably meet lots of young guys your own age...maybe one you'll like better than me." "Please don't say any more, Chris," Andy interrupted. "I'm with guys my own age every day and you're still the only person I've ever loved, so why should I look for someone else when it's you that I want. I've dreamed about you since the first day we met. You...you read my diary. You know how I've wanted you and how much I feel for you." "But if I could only be sure..." "Trust me! Let me give you the love you need. I want to be with you. I can go to college here in Atlanta. We can live together." "Hell, you can both live here if you like. I'd love having another son or son-in-law!" Todd said, enthusiastically. "But if you did leave the church, Chris, what would happen to all those guys who look to you for their meals every day?" Andy asked. "You won't believe this, but God opened a new window for the meal program." "What do you mean?" "Only that St. Thaddeus might not have to be the provider of meals any longer. The service may still be supplied, but under new management." "Who? How?" "I'll tell you as soon as it's finalized...but it seems that God sent a very rich angel to visit me. I can't wait for you to meet him. But I don't want you falling for him or his money." "There's no danger in my doing that as long as I have you..." There was a happy silence in the room until Marcia spoke, "Would it be all right if I fixed lunch or brunch or whatever for the four of us?" "Like a family?" Andy asked. "Yes, son, our family," Todd replied. Chris held Andy's hand as Andy sat down in the chair next to him. Todd took Marcia's hand at the same time and everything seemed perfect at the Thompson house. * * * "Hey, Thad," the policeman said, sticking his head in the doorway of the squad room. "Yeah?" "There's someone here to see you..." "Who?" "Me." Randy said, bouncing in. "Hey, man! What's up?" "I know you said you'd be by later, but I wondered if you could take a coffee break if you're not busy." "Why not? I'm doin' nothin' except putting a few reports in the computer data base." "Great!" "Where to?" "Some place nearby in case you get have to go out on a call." "'Denny's OK?" "Swell!" Randy and Thad walked out of the Atlanta precinct and crossed the street to Denny's, happily open 24/7. "Are you all right, bud?" Thad asked as they walked. "I was until we found Steve early this morning." "Poor guy! I'm gonna miss him. He had that dry wit that I liked so much." "That's what everyone said about him." "He suffered long and fought a brave battle against AIDS and yet he was always able to crack a joke with anyone who came to visit him." "Damn that fucking disease! I'll bet if Cheney's daughter caught it, we'd have a cure in less than a week." "You still believe that politics is controlled by the drug industry?" "Or vice versa, depending on who's getting the biggest kickback!" "You're probably right." The two went inside Denny's and found a booth. Randy ordered coffee while Thad ordered a large milk and a slice of lemon creme pie. "So why did you come down for coffee?" Thad asked. "A couple of reasons. First and foremost, I wanted to see you and see if you had changed about the way you said you felt...and second, David and I picked up his friend, Luke, at the airport. I took them to my place and thought they needed some privacy to talk." "That was nice of you. As to your first inquiry...no, I haven't changed the way I feel about you." "Thank God for that. I...I haven't either." "It was strange the way everything happened. All these months I thought I hated you from the way I believed you had left Mark high and dry. But since I now know the whole story...I no longer hold a grudge." "I wish the rest of Mark's friends felt that way." "I got to thinkin' about all the time I wasted by not knowing the truth. I would have asked you out many times. Whether you realized it or not, in spite of our differences, I used to carry a torch for you. I'll admit our attempts at sex weren't always memorable...well, they were memorable, but in the negative sense, but I think we both could have done better." "I think you're right, Thad." "I...I am willing to give it another try...that is, if you're willing." "I think I might like to try again." "Randy, I guess what I'm trying to say, although I'm not very good at verbalizing my thoughts, is I've been so fucking lonesome. I even thought about buying a blow-up doll just to have someone to hold when I go to bed at night." "I...I hug my pillow..." "Looks as if we suffer from the same problem..." "Yes, but neither of us has to suffer. If I had never met Mark, I would have chased after you like a bloodhound on a fox hunt." "It was my stupidity that kept us apart." "Last night when I saw your new apartment and the way you looked, so proud..." "You really liked it?" "Famously!" "I know it's not as plush or expensive as yours, but it's the first time in my life I've haven't felt ashamed of what I owned." "Thad, you could have anything you want. Why did you wait so long?" "Anything?" "Yes." "Would 'anything' include a rich kid with whom you had very bad sex?" "Yes, you can have me, too. You see, Thad, I haven't slept with anyone since Mark and I split up. Oh, I've gotten my rocks off a few times, but I didn't take anyone to bed with me." "You've got to be kidding!" "I wish I were." "And here I thought you must be having sex every night with a different guy. That's another reason why I never called you. Damn! I did waste a lot of time." "We're both still young, healthy, and there's lots of time to make up for the time we both wasted." "You really want us to hook up and be a couple?" "Yes, Thad, I do." "Is this the place in the script where the music swells and I'm supposed to say, 'I love you'?" "Only if you're ready to mean it." "Randy, I'm more than ready." "I think I'm about ready to say it back to you." "Why don't we wait until tonight when I get you in bed?" "I'll count the minutes..." "Hell, I've never been a 'minute man' and you know it!" "I know it all too well. I think it took you close to two hours, the last time we tried." "I just didn't want to hurry it." "Well, you were almost killing me while I waited!" "Let's see if we can improve my timing tonight." "All right. Hey listen, I've got a job!" "Shit! Don't tell me you're running out of money just when we're about to begin a relationship." "Hell, no! I'll never run out of money...just in case that's what you're after." "You know I'm not!" "Just kidding." "So tell me about this job." "You know I went with Father Chris and David on the breakfast run this morning?" "Sure, that's...that's when you found Steve." "That's right...but before that, something strange happened to me. I got a feeling I've never had before in my life." "Did David have something to do with it?" "No, dumbass---far from it! But you know what? David has only been here a few days and I think he's made you and me---and even Father Chris-----horny and awakened us to the way we truly feel about one another." "So David made you horny?" "Sorta..." "Me, too." They laughed. "Any rate, I was tired and sleepy when we began the route but the more houses and apartments we stopped at...and the more people I met who really need help, well, it all changed the way I look at the world and all the needy people in it." "And so you've decided to become a missionary?" "Idiot! No, but I want to do all I can to help with the food service. The crap that they're eating now isn't worth sending to the humane society. I told Father Chris I'd contact some restaurants and food-supply warehouses and keep his pantry filled with good nourishing food. I want to design a proper kitchen with new stoves and appliances. I want to be the operating manager of the food pantry." "Dear God, is this the Randy I know...and love?" "Did you just use the 'L' word? But, really, it doesn't sound like me, does it? But I'm very serious about this undertaking. I'm gonna succeed and make my life have some meaning. Fuck! You know I've got all the money in the world and no one or nothing to spend it on. I can put my money to good use. Of course, if I have a new lover, my new life will be complete." "How about a lonely detective?" "That's exactly what I had in mind." Randy's wink was anything but modest. They sipped their drinks and Thad ate his pie but never losing eye contact with one another until finally Thad decided his coffee break was over. As they got up to leave, Randy said, "Hey, I've got an idea!" "Uh oh..." "No, listen! Why don't you and I take David and Luke to some fancy restaurant tonight? It's Luke's first visit to Hotlanta and he should see something special in our big city. Then afterward, I'll let both of them use my whole apartment if I can spend the evening at the newest and swankiest apartment in town." "You sure you really want to spend the night at my place?" "As they say at Taco Bell, 'su casa, mi casa'. Besides, if we do what we plan to do, I don't want to scare either of my guests with the noise we might make." "What about my neighbors?" "Fuck 'em!" "I'd rather fuck you!" "That was my basic idea!" "Call me when you get home and let me know where to meet you all." "Don't you mean 'y'all', you damn Yankee?" "I suppose, but I don't know anything about birthin' babies, Miss Scarlett!" "Leave that to me!" "Bye, Randy..." "Bye for now, my love." Thad crossed the street and went back into the precinct, happier than he had been in God only knows how long. Randy went home to tell David and Luke about the dinner plans. * * * David was still holding Luke in his arms as he said, "Do you feel better?" "No, not really, David." "Luke, you mustn't blame yourself for what happened to Mark. That was over two years ago. Mark had ample time to seek treatment. He knew I was at college. He called me a couple of times and made no mention about being sick. I would have jetted down on the next flight out of Virginia, had I known. I just thank God that you got well and didn't go through the same ordeal as Mark." "I hope it won't embarrass you, but could I tell you something?" "In the past few days, I learned not to be embarrassed at anything. So go ahead." "While you were holding me, I opened my eyes a couple of times and I..... I felt like it was Mark who was holding me. Your arms felt exactly like his arms. Even your scent reminded me of Mark. It was as if two years hadn't passed, as if Mark and I were continuing where we left off after that horrible night." "Y'know what? That didn't embarrass me. If holding you gave you comfort, then I'm glad I did it. The other night, I encountered a similar situation where I held another man in my arms. It felt strange, almost 'queer', at first. But then I relaxed and the weird feeling went away. I adjusted my hetero way of thinking and suddenly it felt right. Just as now, it felt right holding you in my arms. Mark would have held you... I'm his brother, so why shouldn't I?" "You not afraid that your feminine side might be surfacing a bit too much?" "No, I know I have a feminine side...all men do! I read about it in the school library. I...I never had a homosexual experience when I was going through puberty, like most guys do. I suppose I'm going through a retro-feeling and it doesn't seem to bother me." "You never had a best buddy like Mark and me?" "Nope!" "I'm not trying to say that if you had, you would be gay now, it's just..." "I know what you're saying, Luke, and it's all right." "Then you've never done anything with another guy?" "I...I didn't say, 'never'..." "Oh?" "It happened just this week!" "Here in Atlanta?" "Where else? Certainly not at UV, because there I had Jenny." In his mind, a question followed unbidden. 'But do I still have her?' "Did you have sex?" "I...I'd rather not talk about it, if you don't mind." "Sorry, I was being too inquisitive and I apologize for it." "No need. Say, why don't we unpack your stuff like Randy suggested?" "Fine! By the way, when is the memorial service?" "I'm not really sure now. You see, it was gonna be a double service for Mark and a friend of Randy's ex-lover. Then today, Mark's Atlanta roommate died suddenly and there might be a delay so we can include him in the service." "Death comes in three's." "That's what everyone says." "So it might be the weekend before the service?" "Maybe. Is there any place you have to hurry back to? I didn't ask what you're doing now. Are you going to school? Are you working?" "Not in school and not working at the present time." "Then how are you supporting yourself?" "I'm being supported by my dear late Aunt Delia. She left all her money to me in a trust fund. I haven't worked in over a year." "Are you living at home?" "Not after flunking out of VMI, I'm not. I'm a disgrace to my dad." "So you could spend an extra few days in Atlanta if you had to?" "A few days? I could move here if I wanted to!" "Wow! It must be nice to be independent and not have to rely on your family for tuition, rent, and food." "It is, David, but it's terribly lonely." "No boyfriends?" "No." "None? You are cured aren't you? I mean you can have sex, can't you?" "I'm completely cured. I can't infect anybody, but as far as having sex...that's a little complicated if you're gay and live in River Oaks. Since you're straight, you wouldn't have the foggiest notion of what I'm talking about. I think Mark and I were the last two gay guys to live in River Oaks." "But you said there were 'others' before Mark..." "That's when I went to visit Aunt Delia in Richmond. None of my other partners lived within miles of River Oaks. When Mark left, I was flying solo and I do mean 'solo'. Often, after Mark had moved, I kept hoping that your genes were like Mark's genes and maybe being gay ran in the family." "You were hoping that I was gay?" "You looked so much like Mark. I used to fantasize about you and me having sex. But it seems that every time you broke up with one girlfriend, you replaced her immediately with another. I even kept a close eye on Jenny, hoping that the two of you would break up and I would come running to you to let you cry on my shoulder. Of course, that never happened. Then today, I sorta got my wish when we both cried on each other's shoulders." Just then, Randy came bouncing into his apartment. "Hey, guys! Did you have a nice reunion?" Randy asked. "Yes, we did..." Luke replied. "Listen, I want you two to get all dolled up in your best duds. Luke, if you didn't bring any, then why not let David suit you up out of my closet." "Why? Where are we going?" David asked. "Boys! I'm in love! Tonight, the tab's on me. We're gonna go out for a night on the town! What do you say?" "I feel like I could use a bit of relaxation after all that's happened this week," David replied. "Do you feel like going out tonight, Luke?" "How can I refuse Randy's southern hospitality? Sure, I'll go." "Great! You two can take turns in the guest bathroom while I go shave and shower in mine." Randy bounced out the way he had bounced in, heading for his bedroom. "David, why don't you shower first while I finish unpacking, then I'll shower." "Fine. I can shower and then shave while you're showering." David went into the guest bathroom, turned on the shower faucets and then undressed. He was about to step into the stall when Luke suddenly opened the bathroom door. David was naked, but didn't try to cover himself as Luke just stood in the doorway, staring at him. "I...I'm sorry, David, but I had to see you without any clothes. I couldn't help it. I had to know if you looked like Mark when you were naked." "And...?" "You're almost identical in every way." "Maybe not in every way, Luke." "You know what I mean..." "Yes. Yes, I do." Luke took a final glance and started to leave when David stopped him. "Luke?" "Yes?" "Did you and Mark ever shower together?" "A couple of times. Why?" "Would you like to shower with me?" "You mean...now?" "Uh huh..." "But I thought..." "I know what you thought. So if you want to, then take off your clothes and hop in with me!" "Jesus Christ! I don't know what to say!" "Then don't say anything. Just hurry before I change my mind." |