---

"And though I loved the boy for such a little while..."

He hung up and turned to see three faces filled with disbelief - all showing the same question... how could David spend another night with Randy? Was there something between David and Randy that had been kept from them? Was it the fact that Randy was rich and handsome? What was David's attraction to Randy? All three guys were confused, anxious, feeling somewhat rejected, hurt, angry, but mostly jealous.

David was unaware of how the others were reacting as he turned to ask Steve, "Is it all right if I make another call? It's long distance, but I'll put it on my credit card."

"You're... you're gonna call Luke in Virginia?"

"Yeah."

"Then go ahead... what's one more added to the competition?"

"Pardon?"

"Sorry, just a wry joke..." Steve replied as he, Steve, and Thad began to eat their dinner... but still keeping one ear focused on the call David was about to make.

David dialed and waited three rings before Luke answered.

"Hello?"

"Hello, is this Luke?"

"David?"

"Yes...?"

"Thanks for returning my call."

"That's quite all right. I... I suppose I would have called you eventually, but I had no idea where you were. I... I haven't heard from you in a couple of years... not since..."

"Since the night your dad caught Mark and me in bed together?"

"Well... yes. But how are you? I mean, what are you doing? Are you going to school? Are you living at home? Are you working? Are you in good health?"

"Damn, man!" Luke laughed. "You expect me to answer all those questions at once, or one at a time?"

"I'm sorry. It's just that there's so much I'd like to know."

"I suppose there is."

"Jenny told me she broke the news to you about Mark..."

"Yes, she did, David, and I've cried a bucket of tears, and my mind has been racing like a NASCAR 500 ever since."

"Jenny did tell you not to say anything about Mark, didn't she? I still haven't told my mom and dad."

"Don't worry. I haven't spoken to your dad since that infamous night, and I doubt seriously if I'll ever speak to him again... at least, I know he'll never want to speak to me again."

"I wish all that hadn't happened. I didn't learn about it until weeks later when I came home from school, only to learn that Mark had left home. Later, I found out he'd moved to Atlanta."

"I didn't know where he was either. We never saw one another again after that night... we never wrote or talked on the phone. It was as if we had vanished from each other's lives forever."

"I'm sorry, Luke."

"The reason I called... is there going to be a funeral for Mark, either here or in Atlanta?"

"No funeral here or there. There's to be a small memorial service for Mark for a bunch of his friends down here."

"Do you think it would be all right if I came to Atlanta for the service?"

"Sure, I suppose so."

"I'd like to see you again, and there's so much I'd like to talk about with you concerning Mark."

"Y'know, I think I'd like that, Luke. I'm learning things daily about my own brother that I never knew before. I'll bet there's many things that you know that could help put some of the pieces of the puzzle together."

"When is the service?"

"In a couple of days... final plans aren't made yet."

"Would it be all right if I flew down to Atlanta tomorrow? Is there some place I could meet you? I mean, if you're staying at a hotel, perhaps I can stay at the same one, and we could have dinner and spend some time together. There's something very important I have to tell you about Mark, but I'd rather tell you face-to-face."

"The phone number where you tried to reach me today belongs to a friend of Mark's..."

"You mean Randy?"

"Yes."

"We're almost old friends by now, I've called him so many times today."

"Good. Call Randy's as soon as your plane gets in, and we'll make plans, then... about where to stay and so forth."

"I'll come down on the earliest flight I can get to Atlanta. Hopefully, I'll call you around noon."

"Fine, Luke! We'll talk then."

"I... I can't wait to see you again."

"Same here... good night, Luke."

"Good night, David."

David hung up the phone and turned to look at the other three in the room, all looking like frozen statues. Each had his fork halfway between his plate and his mouth - static - none of them were moving.

"Is anything wrong?" David asked.

"No, no," the three said simultaneously.

Finally, it was Steve who was brazen enough to ask, "Would it be rude if I ask just who Luke is...?"

"Not at all," David replied. "Luke was apparently Mark's first boyfriend."

"And he's coming to Atlanta tomorrow?"

"First flight in from Virginia..."

"Oh, my!" Steve said. "The plot thickens..."

Thad and Chris kept eating, remaining silent, while their minds raced even faster.

* * *

After speaking privately with Steve, Chris took Thad and David back to Thad's car in the parking lot at the church. Chris thanked them again for their help, and for their words of comfort and encouragement concerning the dilemma which Andy has caused between Chris, Father 'D' and Andy's parents. David told the young priest that he and Randy would meet him at the church around 3:30 a.m. to help with the breakfast run.

One thing Chris had kept from Thad and David was something Steve had whispered into Chris' ear just before they left for the church. Steve had asked Chris if he could return to Steve's apartment as soon as he dropped Thad and David at the church. Chris was puzzled by the secrecy, but thought it must be important for Steve to make such a private request. Once Thad and David had driven away, Chris got back into the van and headed back to Steve's.

As soon as the 'meal deliverers' left, Steve told Andy that the coast was clear, and it was safe to come out of Mark's old bedroom.

"You didn't say anything to anyone about me?" Andy asked Steve.

"I won't lie, Andy," Steve replied, "I did. I asked Father Chris to come back here by himself."

"But why, Steve? You know I don't want to see him. I... I can't face him... I just can't!"

"Yes, you can, Andy. You have to. It's not fair to keep your parents worrying about where you are. Chris is your best friend, your priest, your confidant, and he's the one you said you were in love with. There's no one better than him for you to talk with and try to get things back to some level of normalcy."

"Did you tell him I was hiding in Mark's room?"

"No, but I want you sitting here in the living room with me when he returns. If you like, I'll stay, and you won't have to face him alone. I trust there's nothing more than what you told me earlier?"

"No… not really."

"Then it'll be old news to me, and I won't be shocked by anything you say to Father Chris. I... I have an extra meal, if you're hungry."

"I'm famished!"

"Then if you're not afraid of eating whatever it is that you serve nightly, there's a plateful of something under that cover on the coffee table. I'll get you a Coke from the fridge."

"Thanks, Steve."

"Sure... oh, do you want me to pray for you before you begin eating... in case you don't live through the entire poisonous meal?"

Andy laughed, then realized that it was the first time he'd laughed since before his talk with Father Chris the day before. "No, I know what's in the food. I make it twice a day."

"So, if everyone on your food route dies from the same meal, that makes you a serial killer!"

"Then if I eat it, that'll be suicide! Jeez! Twice in one day!"

"Shut up and eat. Really, it might taste better if I poured it into a trough rather than a paper plate...!" Steve grunted and squealed like a pig as he went into the kitchen to get the Coke for Andy, who laughed once more at Steve's sarcastic remarks about the food. Andy's laughter came as a hopeful to Steve.

Andy really was hungry and dived into the food. To him, it was manna and ambrosia rolled into one. He finished his plate and was wiping the dish with a piece of bread when Chris knocked on the door… he stiffened in his seat.

"Stay right there, Andy." Steve ordered. "I'll get it, and you be nice. Don't show any anger or embarrassment, no matter what. You're eighteen years old... you're old enough to vote, and you're old enough to act like a man!" With that, he turned and opened the door.

As Chris entered, he came to a sudden halt when he saw Andy sitting on Steve's couch. Andy was looking down toward the floor until he forced himself to look Chris in the eye.

"Andy!" Chris exclaimed. "I... I don't even want to know where you've been. I just thank God that you're all right! You are, aren't you?"

"Yes," Andy replied in noncommittal tone.

"Have you talked to your parents? I can only assume that they don't know that you're here with Steve..."

"No... and at the moment, I have no desire to talk to either of them."

"All right, if those are your wishes." Chris said. He paused and added, "Will you talk with me...?"

"I... I think I've already said more to you than I ever should've."

"Could we talk, please... just you and me...?"

"It's OK, Father," Steve interjected. "Andy's told me everything, and I promised him I'd stay if he wanted while you spoke."

"This might be rather awkward or embarrassing for both of us."

"Hell, I've got one foot in the grave already," Steve said. "Anything else I hear, I'll take with me when I set the other foot down."

After a pause, Chris took a seat beside Andy." Andy, can I ask if what you said to me in the car last night is what prompted you to do what you did? Or was it my reaction to what you said?" Chris asked earnestly.

"A little of both, I guess," Andy replied.

"Andy, I'm so sorry. I had no idea that my... my rejection, I guess, would have such a devastating impact on you. I should have approached the situation differently."

"How? By saying that you loved me as much as I love you?"

"I might not have used those exact words, but I sure could have been more gentle in my reply."

"You don't get it, do you, Father? It was the hardest thing I've ever done... to confess to someone that I was gay and in love with my own priest."

"I hope you won't take this the wrong way, but... it's quite natural for men and women to build up an emotional attachment toward their priest or minister. Many people fall in love with their doctors. Students fall in love with their teachers. Andy, I won't lie… you're not the first person who has said something like that to me."

"Oh? Did they try to commit suicide after you rejected them?"

"Well, no, I don't think any of them did."

"Then maybe they didn't love you as much as I do."

Chris was almost at a loss for words with Steve being present, so he finally stood and said, "Steve, there are things I really need to speak with Andy about... things of a priest/parishioner nature. Could I talk to Andy in private for a few moments?"

"It's up to Andy. If he wants to talk with you privately, then I'll go to my bedroom till you're finished..." Steve said.

"It... it's okay, Steve," Andy said. "I think maybe I'd like to talk with Father Chris alone, if you don't mind."

"I'll be in the next room, if either of you needs me."

"Thanks, Steve."

Steve gave both of his guests a suspicious look before going into his bedroom, then Chris sat down again, rejoining Andy on the couch where the two sat for nearly two minutes without speaking.

"I... I guess you hate me now," Andy finally said.

"No, Andy, there's only one thing you could do, only one thing, that would ever make me hate you. That's if you had succeeded with what you tried to do last night... leaving your parents and me for good in that way."

"Would it matter that much to you?"

"Of course, it would. It'd hurt me just as it would hurt you if Jeff or Tommy tried to leave us as you tried."

"You... you feel nothing toward me, nothing more than you do Jeff and Tommy?"

Chris paused before replying, "Perhaps I do."

"Now that I botched my suicide, I suppose you look at me like I'm some kind of sick kid."

"No, I don't, Andy. First of all, you're not a kid... and second, you aren't sick. You were just lashing out against the world, but mostly at yourself after being hurt - the way I hurt you."

"I... I'm not stupid. I get better grades than Jeff and Tommy... but they're wise and experienced in other areas... things I know nothing about. They know how to love.... and what it feels like to be loved."

"And... you never have?"

"Never! Not once! No girlfriend! No boyfriend! I've never gone out on a date. I've never even kissed anyone besides my parents. I... I've lied in my confessions to you. I've never told you about how many times a day I masturbate. I'm almost an addict."

"Since we're revealing secrets outside of the confessional. I... I suppose I had a similar sex drive when I was your age."

"How long ago was that?"

"Not that long... maybe eight years or so..."

"Then I just don't understand how you could just quit... go cold turkey like when a person gives up cigarettes! How could you just stop and take your priest's vows and just forget about sex?"

"Oh, you can't just forget about it instantly. It takes willpower, and a lot of prayer."

"But don't you still get erections? How do you control them? Do priests masturbate?"

"The Church teaches us not to; and as long as I am faithful, I don't."

"What about blue balls? You must get those a lot?"

"In seminary before we took our vows, we used to put erection inhibitors in our food... ."

"What about now? Do you still have to take pills or something, or don't you get erections anymore?"

"Andy, you sure get to the point quickly. You know that the blessed sacrament is encased in an area we call the holy of holies? You have just entered my personal sanctum, my 'private of privates.'"

"Well, do you or don't you?"

"What difference would it make whether I told you or not?"

"Well, last night, it meant enough to make me want to kill myself. Father, don't you see? I just want to know everything about you."

"Andy, I hope that perhaps you wouldn't blame me for your action, but if I was in any way the cause, then I'll accept full responsibility to see that you don't try it again."

"No, it wasn't your fault. There's no reason for you to feel guilty for the stupid ideas I've filled my head with."

"Andy, Steve said a moment ago that you had told him everything about last night and today. Does anyone else know about the way you feel about me?"

"Gosh, no. I might be stupid, but I'm not crazy."

"You didn't write anything down about your feelings... say, maybe in a diary?"

Andy's face turned white with shock when he heard the word, 'diary'. Chris had tried to find a way to bring up the subject of Andy's diary, which was the incriminating evidence brought against him by Father 'D' and Andy's parents. He had tried to find a way to finagle the topic into their discussion and failed, so he just mentioned it outright.

"You know about my diary?"

"Actually, yes, Andy."

"How?"

"I'm afraid that when your parents were looking for clues as to your whereabouts, they went into your room, found your diary, and read it."

"Oh, God, no!"

"I'm sorry, but they did..."

"And they brought the diary to you?"

"Not exactly. It came to me in a roundabout way..."

"How 'roundabout'?"

"Unfortunately for both of us, they took the diary to Father 'D'..."

"Oh, now I wish I had killed myself."

"No, you don't!"

"So Father 'D' let you see it?"

"He and your parents wanted to know if what you had written about the two of us was true."

"Oh, Jesus! No! I... I made the whole thing up. You know that, don't you?"

"Of course, I do... since I'm the only person besides yourself that knows nothing sexual ever happened between us."

"They have to know that what I wrote never happened but in my mind, I merely described what I dreamed might happen."

"Are you saying that you really wanted me in the way you described in the intimate passages?"

"I'm sorry, Father. I can't help the way I feel. Sure, I'd have risked going to hell just to be with you for one night and have you the way I've imagined."

"Sex is not something to risk eternity for, Andy. Sex shouldn't involve any kind of risk."

"Unless you're in love with a priest, or if you're a priest who wants to be in love."

"Andy, I'm nearly ten years older than you. Why wouldn't you want someone closer to your own age?"

"When I'm with you, you're the only one who makes me feel that I'm a real person... that I matter. I even prayed to St. Jude, the Saint of impossible things, asking him to make you love me."

"Wow, you're asking saints to urge me to have an affair with you? That must have frustrated St. Jude, Andy. You did ask the impossible of him."

"I guess you look at me like a little kid wanting something for Christmas, something he can never have."

"Do you realize what would happen if you and I did have an affair? If the Church found out - and it would... I'd be asked to resign, or I'd be reassigned like others who've been guilty of molestation."

"But I'm of legal age. It wouldn't be molestation, if I gave my consent."

"Andy, even if the Church didn't find out. I'd know, and God would know. I'd have to answer to Him."

"But what if God could see you, see how lonely you are? He'd know how much we need each other..."

"You need me, Andy? Maybe you do… but ask yourself would that be right for me... knowing what I would have to give up?"

"If you loved me the way I love you..."

"You mean that then I wouldn't mind giving up my vocation?"

"Yes." Chris' silence seemed to be the answer Andy had dreaded hearing.

"Father, wouldn't it be best if I just ran away and got out of your life for good?"

"No, Andy, I don't want you to run away."

"You... you'd miss me?"

"Of course, I would. But I'd miss Jeff and Tommy, too, if they ran away."

"Then what you're actually saying is that I mean no more to you than Jeff or Tommy does?"

"No, I didn't mean to imply that... but there's still the matter of your diary. If you ran away without telling your mom and dad the truth… I'd probably lose my priesthood anyway. The diary has stacked evidence against me, if you don't clear up the difference between what's real and what you imagined."

"I... I'll go see Father 'D' first thing in the morning, then I'll tell my parents I made the whole thing up... on one condition..."

"Which is...?"

"Would you take me into your arms just once and let me know how if feels. It doesn't have to last more than a few seconds, but at least, I'll have a memory of what it would be like..."

"Is this a form of blackmail?"

"I guess you could call it that..."

"Just one embrace and nothing more?"

"Nothing more."

"What if Steve should walk in and catch us? How would he ever believe otherwise?"

"We can go into Mark's room and close the door. Steve won't see anything, and he'll never know..."

"Two nights ago, I held Thad in my arms when Alex died. I suppose it would be all right to hold you the same way, if it will give you a bit of comfort. But remember, it's a friendly embrace---nothing else!"

"In your mind, it'll be a friendly embrace, but let me make of it what I want in my mind. I won't tell you… it'll be my secret."

"Very well."

Andy stood up and, putting out his hand to Chris, led him into Mark's bedroom and shut the door behind them.

"Can we keep the lights off?" Andy asked.

"If that's what you want..."

"It is."

The room had no windows and without the lights, it was pitch black… devoid of any light whatsoever. Andy was still holding Chris' hand as the two faced each other. The only sound to be heard was their breath. Andy took Chris' hand and delicately placed it around his back, drawing his body closer to Chris. It seemed an automatic response for Chris to put his other hand behind Andy's back. Andy kept his hands by his side as he slowly moved toward Chris, letting Chris control the embrace. Then Andy took one more step forward and nuzzled his head onto Chris' shoulder, his face touching Chris' neck. Chris could feel Andy's warm breath near his ear lobe.

Suddenly in the blackness, all inhibitions were dropped - Chris pulled Andy into him tightly as Andy sighed and felt his body meshing into Chris'. Ever so slowly, Chris moved his face toward Andy's, and Andy was aware of Chris' hot breath. Then with a fragile motion, Chris placed his lips onto Andy's and a dam of emotion broke soothingly between the two of them, furious… yet gentle. It was like a slow pas de deux performed as an intrinsic Debussy opus played quietly somewhere in the background.

It was Andy's first kiss, and Chris' first since he became a priest, but there was nothing awkward or rushed about it... not even a slight touch of the tip of a tongue... just lips lightly touching, and it seemed more than enough for each of the participants.

Finally, Chris broke the enchanted spell by asking, "Is that what you wanted?"

"Yes..." Andy breathed.

"Was it enough to last you a lifetime without me?"

"I want to say 'no,' but I'll say 'yes,'" Andy whispered.

"Then I guess it's up to me to say otherwise," Chris said, puzzling Andy. "It wasn't enough for me..."

"What do you mean?"

"Only this..." Chris said quickly as he once again put his lips on Andy's; only this time, the kiss wasn't gentle. It was hard passion personified as Chris pressed harder, inserting his tongue in between Andy's lips, as he began to explore uncharted territory where no other tongue had ever been. Andy was more than surprised at first, but soon he was fighting back with his own tongue with a vengeance. With the force of their emotions opened fully, four hands began traveling up and down each other's bodies, groping whenever possible. Nothing Andy had written in his diary could match what he was experiencing in his life for the first time.

Chris, on the other hand, was forced to admit to himself what he had missed since taking his vow of celibacy. Before that time, Chris had loved sex, intimate contact with a male partner. Priesthood be damned! This was what he longed for, and this was who he was. Chris wasn't sure if it was Andy that had caused his suppressed desires to erupt, or if it had been the way he'd been eyeing David for three days. At the moment, it didn't matter to Chris. The physical urges he'd denounced in himself had sprung forth when he realized that Andy was a more than willing partner.

A few minutes later found both of them completely undressed and lying on Mark's bed, locked in continuously changing embraces and kisses. For the next half hour, Chris taught as much about male sex to Andy as he could... more than Andy could imagine. The rage continued until Andy was no longer a virgin orally or anally... as a top or as a bottom.

After many orgasms, they stopped out of sheer exhaustion to rest and catch their breath. Andy was tired, sore, and filled with a wondrous exhilaration. Chris felt more like a normal human male than he had in years. He felt no guilt or remorse. He had denied himself what he enjoyed most... the act of physical love making, and if it meant leaving the Church or changing careers, then so be it! Neither of them had said a word during their love session.

It was Andy who broke the silence.

"Father...?"

"Don't call me that, Andy. Call me Chris like you said I asked you to do in your diary."

"Chris...?"

"Yes."

"What does this mean...?"

"What does 'what' mean?"

"Does this mean that you love me?"

"I... I don't know... but...maybe.... Will you give me a little time to assess my feelings?"