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"He turned the darkest day into a world of gold..." During a police interrogation, it's always required of the interrogator that he state if the interviewee was 'oriented times four'... person, place, time, and situation. When Thad awoke to find David sleeping closely to his back with his arm stretched over Thad's waist, Thad felt no connection with any of the four orientation criteria. Moreover, he was afraid to move… and he had no idea what to do. How long had David been in this position? True to his word, Thad had not made any advances, or in any way taken advantage of his 'straight guest,' but he'd go out of his fucking mind if David didn't move and get back to his own side of the bed! Thad wasn't sure how much time passed before David finally did move... was it an hour; two; the entire night? Jesus! Thad's raging hardon was about to burst with untended desire. Finally, when David was sleeping soundly, and once again at a safe distance, Thad had to get out of bed and go to the bathroom for five minutes of relief. What the fuck was wrong with him? Was he really that horny, or had David turned him on that much? Thad had just lost his tentative lover only a few hours ago, but his thoughts now were not about Alex. He couldn't get his mind off the image of David's naked body, the super-masculine body he'd seen as David got out of the shower. A few minutes later, Thad was able to return to the bedroom, a semi-relaxed condition between his legs. He walked quietly back to the bed, hoping to sleep through what few hours were left of the early morning. He gently eased himself back down on the mattress, even though it was the kind which allowed no ripples or disturbance to anyone else who might be sharing it. Carefully he pulled the covers up to his neck once again. The silence in the room might have been peaceful had it only been broken by the sound of David's breathing, which in itself was proving to be arousing and sexually stimulating to Thad's unusual horniness. Under different circumstances, Thad would have flipped his bed partner onto his stomach and plowed his ass like a John Deere tractor on a farm. It turned out that thirty minutes of this emotional stigmatic torture was all Thad could endure. He quietly arose, dressed, left his apartment, and drove to the nearest all-night Dunkin' Donuts for coffee to wash down a cop's best pacifier. With David out of sight and mind, at least temporarily, Thad turned his thoughts back to Alex. He mulled over the relationship that had existed between him and Alex, trying to relive mentally as many episodes of their life together as he could. And now the questions: how much had he actually loved the kid? Had Alex ever really loved him? Had Alex's addiction to drugs been that much stronger than his feelings for Thad? Alex had promised to get 'clean' and stay that way, but he'd failed. But had Thad failed also? Thad's guilt was mounting inside. Why the fuck hadn't he gotten more help for the boy? He quickly dismissed the idea of help, because Thad had no faith in most rehab treatment centers anyway. Back in the late 80s and early 90s, the government had supplied all kinds of financial aid and support for drug, alcohol, and substance abuse facilities... but that had been during the Clinton Administration. Now, under the current Washington regime, social service funding had been cut back to practically nothing. Hell, why not take back the tax cuts from the zillionaires, and give that money to the people who needed assistance? The effectiveness of present day rehabilitation centers was ridiculous… a farce... they were understaffed, underfunded, almost completely ineffectual and useless. And he realized, it was the same with Father Chris' current project. Why should Chris have to bust his ass, scraping up every available nickel and dime in order to supply low budget meals to AIDS and HIV victims, or to the indigent or oppressed? Hell, they'd been better cared for forty years ago... before AIDS, back when LBJ controlled the federal budget! When Thad finished his fourth Boston-creme doughnut and his third cup of coffee, it was nearly 7:30 AM. It was time for him to go home, hopefully arriving before David awoke and missed him. Thad was not skilled in the fine art of making breakfast, so on his way home, he drove by the window at McD's and ordered a dozen sausage and egg burritos and four large coffees, two for each of them, in case either he or David wanted a refill. Thad hadn't had much sleep, but then, being a detective, he was used to that in spite of the attraction of his Simmons Beauty treasure. He had his work cut out for him this morning--so many things to do for Alex; and he was sure David had the same waiting for him concerning his brother. Thad dreaded the job of calling Alex's brother in Chattanooga. As many times in the past as Thad had had to break the news of a death to a victim's loved ones or family, he never ceased hating having to do it. It had never seemed to get any easier over the years--if anything, it seemed to have grown harder. With his trove of breakfast goodies, Thad drove to his apartment, quietly opening the door in order to hide his unexplained absence, in case David had awakened while he was gone. However, David, being used to early classes at the university, had conditioned himself to be an early riser. He was already dressed and making the bed when Thad came in the door. Seeing Thad, he gave him a warm smile. "Good morning, buddy," David said, as he finished tucking the top of the bedspread under the bottom tufts of the pillows. "Well, good morning to you, too" Thad replied, with the realization that David's smile had sparked an unexpected and inexplicable feeling in the pit of Thad's stomach. Oh, God, Thad thought, did David remember rolling over and holding him during the night? "I didn't expect to find you awake. I... I went down the street to get something for breakfast and some coffee." "That's great, man--very thoughtful of you." "I see you made the bed..." "I hope you don't mind...?" "Hell, no, but that's the first time it's been fully made in... hell, I can't remember the last time." "It only took a sec..." "I... I hope you like breakfast burritos..." "They're my favorites! I stopped and grabbed a couple at McD's every morning on the way to my first class." "Thank God, I got something you liked!" "Did you get any mustard?" "No, but I have a jar in the fridge. In fact, mustard is one of the few things in the fridge.." "I like 'em with lots of mustard." "Come on into the kitchen, and I'll get it. The coffee is still nice and hot." "Sounds great. Oh, I hope you don't mind, but I used some of your toothpaste. I promise I didn't use your toothbrush, but I did squirt some paste on my finger to hide morning breath." "For God's sake, you can use anything you want. I know you shaved before coming to bed, but if you want to use some of my Gillette Cool Wave under your arms....." "I already did." David's self-conscious grin eased any possible tension. They exchanged casual smiles, and David followed Thad into his tiny, but very messy kitchen. "Sorry about the debris and the dirty dishes, but..." "Think nothing of it! I know you weren't expecting an overnight guest." "I never do..." Thad said, then wished he could take the words back, realizing that he had revealed a small secret he would just as soon had stayed hidden. "Oh?" "No... no one ever comes here to spend the night. Well, Alex... does ... did... but he was used to my living like a slob." Thad's voice choked a bit, having to speak of Alex in the past tense for the first time. "You... you two? I know I shouldn't ask, but when you two… you didn't…?" "You mean...?" "Sex, yeah." "Oh... okay." The last two responses had been slightly embarrassing for both Thad and David. "Here, David, sit down and I'll get two plates, a couple cups, and your mustard." David complied with relief as Thad joined him, bringing the utensils and the condiment. He opened the McD's bag and poured the contents into a pile in the center of the table. David laughed, "Either you're hungry as hell, or you thought I might be... gee, how many did you buy?" "Twelve, if I didn't get cheated." "Looks like they're all there. I don't believe McD's would dare cheat a detective." "Eat as many as you like." "Thanks, I will." David helped himself to two burritos, unwrapped them, and squirted two long streams of French's mustard on each side of the breakfast treats. He took a hearty bite out of the first. "Hmm... reminds me of home cooking!" Thad laughed. "You don't cook in your dorm room?" "Not as long as I have money to buy fast food. And my mom has a fit if she thinks I'm pushing up my cholesterol level, but she kept sending me money for food just the same while I was in college." Thad, being a slick detective, and an apprehensive one, thought he'd pry into David's memory about his actions in the bed. "Did... did you sleep well?" "God! Like a log. The first thing I'm gonna do when Jenny and I get married is buy a mattress exactly like yours. I've never slept so well." "I'm glad you liked it. The side you were sleeping on has seldom been used. I find that, once I lie down, I never so much as turn over. I wake in the same position I fell asleep in." "I'm the same way. I don't toss and turn either..." David said, but then, noting a small strange look in Thad's eyes, asked "Or do I? Did I turn over and keep you awake?" "Oh, no, no! You stayed put on your side all night long." The answer squashed any hope in Thad's mind that David's hugging him in his sleep had any nefarious intention. In a way, Thad was relieved... and yet, in a smaller way, he found himself disappointed. "Thad, would it be too much trouble, if I asked you to take me to Steve's after breakfast? I... I would like to change clothes. Oh, by the way, I rinsed out the t-shirt and shorts you loaned me and put them on the shower rod to dry; so, I'm going commando for the moment." "Hey, that wasn't necessary." "Maybe not, but I did feel somewhat indebted for your generosity." "You could have kept them..." "Maybe I should have... just to keep something to remember you by." Thad's back was turned at that moment, thank God, for his eyes popped wide open! What did David mean by that? He turned and said "Listen, I don't know your plans... I doubt if even you know what you're gonna do just yet... but if you want, you can get your clothes or whatever and spend tonight here... if you like. I mean, it's cheaper than a hotel... and you already know you can sleep well on my mattress... and... and, well, I didn't molest you, did I?" "No, Thad, I was never worried about that. I told you several times last night that I trust you. I do... and, well, if I should decide to spend a few days in Atlanta, I'd love being your guest." "It would mean a lot to me, too. I...I have to call Alex's brother sometime this morning and break the news to him. I don't know if he'll want to come down to make arrangements, or if he'll leave them to me. I wouldn't mind doing it, if that what he wants. It's... it's the last thing I can do for Alex." "Chris said something about a friend, or one of his parishioners, who does cremation for a nominal fee...?" "Is that what you've decided to do for Mark?" "I think so... that way, I won't have to leave him here. I can always take him back to Virginia and have a service there... if and when I tell our folks." "I hope that's what Alex's brother agrees to do with Alex, too. God knows, I hate fucking funerals - such a waste of money. I think everyone is catching on to that idea. They advertise on TV in Virginia that funerals cost around six-thousand dollars... and that's for a cheap one. I used to hope that if I got killed working a case, the felon would blow up my car, or set it on fire while my body is still inside. No fancy funeral for me!" Thad cleared his throat. "I was six years old when my mother died, and my dad had her buried in a copper casket with a glass cover that was hermetically sealed... like the one he'd seen President Roosevelt buried in. It cost him over ten-thousand dollars, plus a solid steel vault to keep her body dry. Shit! Years later, when I was trying to make ends meet on a rookie cop's salary, he died suddenly. I had him buried in a pine box. I'm not sure, but I think they closed it with nails. Even then, I couldn't really afford that." "You have no brothers or sisters?" "Nope... just me. After Dad died, I was all alone - been that way ever since." "No... no women--ever in your life?" "No, I've known I was gay all my life." "No... steady relationships?" "Y'mean, like a live-in lover?" "Well, yeah." "The closest I ever came to that was Alex... and I've already told you how that was." "Do you mind my asking a personal question?" "Probably not..." "Do... don't you ever get lonely?" "Not really. I've always been alone. Look around! That's why I live like a slob!" "Have... have you ever been in love?" "That's a tough one! Let's say, I... I've... loved, but I've never been in love. Jesus! I loved Alex more than anyone in my life... but I can't honestly say I was in love with him." "Do you... do you think you ever will be? Or hope to be?" "In love?" "Yeah..." "It'd be nice. I mean it would be nice to have someone to come home to. Someone who would keep a tidy house, cook a hot meal--and give me lots of hot sex on that mattress in the bedroom every night!" "But seriously... you've never found that 'someone?'" "That 'someone' doesn't exist in my world. The only people I meet are crooks, thugs, addicts, dealers, and vagrants. The only other people I see are other cops, my co-workers, and I somehow don't think a relationship would last between two cops in the same police department. We'd be laughed out of the precinct, or harassed to the point I'd have to shoot some of my fellow officers." "Thad, if you did meet someone... what would you like him to be?" "First of all... not another cop! That's for damn sure! But seriously? I'd want someone who's educated; a college degree, ya know?" Thad's eyes grew dark as he, for the first time, voiced a quiet dream. "I'd want him to be someone who cared about me... someone I could trust, and someone who would trust me. I wouldn't object, of course, if he was good-looking and had a great body. Speaking of which, I hope you won't mind my saying, but I couldn't help but notice your body in the bathroom last night. You're a perfect example of what I would like, physically, if I ever found that 'someone.'" "My body?" David asked, as he stopped eating his burrito. The sudden change in the atmosphere startled David. "Sure. Haven't you ever taken a good look at yourself? I seemed to have asked you last night if your Jenny had ever noticed how great your body is..." "You mean... I could 'turn you on?'" "Are you trying to get me to confess that you did?" "I did?" "Like chocolate to a diabetic!" "You were tempted to...? When I was naked?" "Shit! You want the truth? I had to jerk off a half-dozen times before I dared to get into bed with you." "My God! I had no idea... I mean, you gave me no indication that..." "Dave, all you would have had to do was look down at my crotch. It was about to burst through the zipper in my fly." "I... I'm sorry I caused you so much discomfort. If I had known..." "You'd have said what? You'd have said, 'Here's my cock... go to it!?'" "No... no, I wouldn't have spent the night. I mean, I knew you wouldn't force me to do anything I didn't want... but..." "But what?" "I… maybe I should think better about your offer to stay here tonight..." "No! I want you to stay... and I want you to feel safe. Hell, I'll even sleep on the couch, if you'll stay." "I'm afraid I'd feel too guilty, Thad." "Jesus Christ! I'm not putting you on trial. It's not like you're guilty of anything! Do you think I'm gonna pronounce sentence on you, and execute you or something?" "It's not like that! I'd just feel guilty about disrupting your sleep and… well, not being able to give you what you might want." "David, why the fuck did you have to bring all this up? I really want you to stay as many nights as you like; and I want you to know I'll never try anything with you. I won't make any advances whatsoever!" "Let me think about it today, Thad, and I'll decide later. Who knows, maybe you'll change your mind by then. Can we leave it at that for now?" "Fine, now let's eat up, and I'll run you over to Steve's. However, you might not be as safe with him as you are with me... the old queen!" David laughed in sheer relief. And after a moment, Thad joined him, replaying what he'd just said in his mind. |