welcome to crvboy - Nate's Wounded Heart

"I know, but then you have to start convincing him of going with us tomorrow," Julian said as he poured himself some coffee. The steam of the hot coffee danced around in the cold air. The snow had been falling heavy for the last days, and just as the weather had turned everything around them white, Nate had drawn into a shell of loneliness as he stayed in his room for most of the day. Reading repeatedly his favorite classics and some of the newer novels, he liked. Great Expectations, The Feast of All Saints and now he had begun to read The Lives of the Mayfair Witches.

He had read most of the first tome and the more they begged him to come out of the room the more he read. The scrape on his face was healing nicely and it seemed as if there wasn't going to be any visible scars afterwards and the bruising had started to subside, first it looked of a pale purple and then it began to change tonalities until its actual bright red tone. When he heard what Luke had done to Nate he felt like calling Luke and telling him it was all his fault and to leave Nate alone, but he almost lost it when he saw Nate walk in the door and noticed the bruising and scrape in Nate's face. He had to control himself for he was about to drive up there and hunt the bastard down.

It had been almost a week since Nate had gotten there and Christmas was right around the corner. He would still stay at his room, they couldn't get him to do much, after being kicked out of his house, and losing two boyfriends in one year Jules couldn't really blame him. He actually felt guilty for not doing more, but in reality, he didn't know what he could do to help him. All he thought he could do was stay beside him and keep him company. And to top it all up he was beginning to feel the effects of what would be his and Dylan's first Christmas without their dad. 'Quite the trio we are' he thought as he grabbed another mug, filled it with coffee and added a teaspoon of sugar to it.

"You gonna take that up to him?" Dylan asked him.

"Yeah, I hope he's in a better mood today... hey I'm getting an idea why don't we plan a small dinner for Christmas on Saturday? We could invite some of our friends and the added company might get Nate to come out of his shell," Julian asked him back.

"That could be a good idea; do you think we can prepare something nice in time?" Dylan asked him.

"Well today's Wednesday, Saturday will be the twenty fifth, I think we could keep it small and that way we can spend Friday night just the three of us, you know in case anyone gets emotional... or we all get emotional..." he said as he realized how much he missed his father's presence in the house.

"I know man, it's gonna be tough without dad around," Dylan said before looking around the room and then down at his coffee mug.

"I still can't understand how it is that you can't even tell when I'm pissed sometimes and then other times it's just as if you'd read my mind," Julian said smiling and shaking his head.

"Me neither, most of the time you're the freak that tells me what I'm thinking. I guess I'm just not that perceptive most of the time," Dylan said smiling up at him.

"Has the tech called?" Julian asked him.

"Yes, and he said the laptop will be ready tomorrow, he's updated it as best as he could. I think I should go get the book and the other present today, while you try to get him out," Dylan told him.

"Yeah, I think I can get him out for a couple of hours, I'll convince him to go out with me and we'll probably be back by lunch time so try to be back by then," Julian asked him.

"Ok, I'll get going and you try to get him outside for a while, he's going to grow roots at this rate," Dylan said as he dumped his mug in the sink and kissed Julian's cheek before leaving.

"Ok, time to do my job," Julian said to the empty room as he took Nate's mug and went out of the kitchen, then up the stairs and down the hall to the guestroom where Nate was. He took a deep breath before knocking on the door.

"You should know better than to knock, it's your house," Nate said from inside.

"Ok then," he said as he opened the door and walked in to find Nate with a good amount of beard covering his face. He still was surprised when he'd see how grown it made Nate look, the reddish tone of the hair on his chin only accentuated the fact that even though he wasn't even nineteen, he had enough beard for people to think of him as older. But older wasn't the word that came to Julian's mind whenever he'd see Nate with his facial hair, masculine was the first impression he'd get from his cousin's almost fully beard covered face. With the obvious exception of his forehead, nose and a few spots in between his lower lip and his chin, the rest of his face was covered in dark brown hair and in the case of his chin and the area around his mouth, it was red.

"Thanks for the coffee," Nate said smiling at him. He took the mug from his hand and walked to the bed, sitting on the edge and moving the book he was reading to one of his sides.

"You're almost done with that one too huh?" Julian asked him.

"Not really, I'm finishing the family history, then the books tells about the current day events," Nate told him smiling.

"You and your books," Julian said smiling at him.

"I hope I'm not getting you guys bored," Nate said after he took a sip of his coffee.

"Not really, but we are leaving for a while, I'll take you to meet a friend of mine, Dyl and I were thinking of having a small diner or lunch this Saturday with some friends, and you. I want to see if he wants to help and that way the two of you can meet too," Julian told him as he sat down next to him.

"So this friend is this guy you've been seeing," Nate asked him.

"Actually he is," Julian answered.

"And he knows you and I kissed, right?" Nate asked.

"Yes, that too, but he is cool, he even asked how it felt and stuff," Julian said smiling.

"Sounds unconventional, which means we'll probably get along," Nate said.

"Yes, this means you are going!" Julian said pumping his fist in the air.

"I am a little sick of being here all the time," Nate confessed before staring out the window and looking at a tree covered in snow. "Though seeing how cold it must be outside I wish I could just wrap myself in a blanket and stay here..." He said with a smirk on his face.

"Nah, forget about the cold it'll be fun, let's go," Julian said as he got up and Nate downed what was last of his coffee before getting up and following Julian.

"Excuse me ma'am, do you have any copies of a book called A Density of Souls? It's by Christopher Rice," Dylan asked the short, curly haired woman that was behind one of the counters of the bookstore.

"Give me a second and I'll check in the computer for you sweetie," The woman answered as she moved to a smallish computer to her side, she typed and waited for a few seconds before she leaned in to read the contents on the screen more carefully. "Yes we do have it, at the moment we only have it in hardcover presentation, all the paperback and pocket ones are sold," She answered as she scrolled down once again and shook her head.

"That's all right, the hardcover one will be just fine," he answered.

"Ok, then come with me, it's right down a few aisles," she said as she rounded her way to a small exit in between the counter and the wall, then she walked down a few aisles and gave a few steps inside as she searched with her eyes and pointed to the books until she stopped at one. "Uhu, here you have it," she said as she stood on the tips of her toes to reach for the book, it was a black cover book with a picture of an angel statue, a cemetery kind of statue that stood on the background of the book's title and author written in bold golden capital letters.

"Thank you very much ma'am," Dylan thanked her as he eyed the book.

"Oh, anytime sweetie, your brother comes here all the time and he's a very good client, I can see you're just as sweet as he is," she said winking at him.

"So you know Julian huh?" he asked smiling. "He sure loves to read doesn't he, though I don't quite know how you noticed I'm not him," he said wondering aloud.

"Julian always comes in, says hello and then just goes and browses the store on his own to then come and pay for all the books he finds. You came and asked for the book rather than looking for it on your own like he would, and he mentioned having a twin, though I must say the resemblance is incredible," she said smiling.

"I see now, yeah he tends to be a little bit more direct doesn't he?" he asked smiling down at her.

"Yes, but if you ask me you're both just as cute," she said laughing before slapping him on the back and going back to her counter.

"Dylan or Julian?" asked a familiar voice from behind him.

"Dylan, hey Tommy, how's it going?" he asked as he saw who it was. Tommy was and had been since he moved to Missouri, his best friend and closest person, besides from Julian. He was taller than both the twins by about an inch, he had dark short hair and shiny gray eyes. He had a strong jaw line and a killer smile. He had been in the school football team with Dylan since they both joined during their freshman high school year. Football training had done as much good to him as it had to Dylan he had an incredible body. Besides, to make it all better he had been the first person outside the family to find out about Julian's preferences and had become a part of the family and equal friend to the two of them since he had said that he didn't give a shit. After this he had become a very close friend of Julian as well.

"I'm ok, are you getting Julian his present?" Tommy asked him.

"Yup, and my cousin's. He's going to be spending Christmas break with us," Dylan answered.

"The cousin that was there a few weeks ago?" Tommy asked him arching his eyebrows.

"Yeah, the same," Dylan answered.

"And how did things work out for him after... well you know," he asked.

"Not so good, his boyfriend has been really pissy at him and he even threw a boot at his face, poor Nate has a scrape and some bruising on his right cheek," Dylan told him.

"Sounds like the guy needs to grow up, yeah Julian and... Nate kissed," he said taking some time to remember Nate's name. "But if you ask me, a kiss isn't all that much, I wouldn't think of it as cheating, I think the guy is just trying to make your cousin look bad to try and get off the hook from flirting with everyone," Tommy said.

"And here I thought you don't listen half of the time I talk to you," Dylan said shaking his head.

"Well I do listen you bitch, now let's go get lunch, you decide either your house or we eat here, I'm starving man," Tommy said rubbing his stomach through his football jacket.

"Well weren't you going to buy something?" Dylan asked him.

"Oh yeah, a cooking book for my dad, he's been wanting it for a while so I thought I'd get it for him," he said as he started searching among the bookshelves until he spotted the one where the cooking books were on display. Besides his dad, Tommy had no other family, his mom had died of leukemia when he was two years old and he didn't really have any memories of her. That was another thing that had made the bond between him and Dylan grow so tight, Dylan and Julian's mother had died due to complications during labor. They had managed to save the twins but they couldn't stabilize their mother's condition and so she died after giving birth to them.

"Got it?" Dylan asked him as he walked back to where Dylan was standing waiting so they could pay and leave.

"Yup, last one they had, good thing you reminded me about it," Tommy said scratching his head as they walked to the counter where the short woman waited for them with a grin on her face.

"So what did Martin say?" Julian asked.

"Well... he wanted to tell me he got the room assignments and to tell me I was assigned a new room on Becca's floor," Nate confessed as he remembered he had stayed in his room and hadn't come out after Julian had come to tell him that Martin was on the phone for him.

"So, Tommy and Dylan are downstairs and we were about to watch a movie," Julian started to say, then he moved closer to Nate and wrapped his arms from behind him after sitting down on the bed next to him. "Please cous, join us, I hate how long you've spent alone up here, just try to have fun for a while please," Julian asked him as he gently said the words while he had his head nest to Nate's left ear.

"Ok, I guess I should just stop sulking about it, besides it's barely Wednesday, if I keep this up I'll be catatonic for Saturday," Nate told him as he got up and followed him downstairs.

As he sat and on his bed, wrapped meticulously in his thick black bed quilt, he thought the same thing that he had been thinking ever since he saw Nate leave their room with his backpack and the nasty scrape that his rage had turned into. "He's not coming back..." he had even said that when his mother had asked him if Nate had gone to spend Christmas with his family down in Austin.

"What do you mean?" she had immediately asked him.

"It means what it means," he answered dully before getting his luggage and entering the house, leaving her in shock without the answers he was sure she would like to have. And truth be told, he was terrified of having his parents find out how much of a scumbag he had been. Not only that, Martin knew, he had to know, the icy look he had given him when he came to say goodbye before he came home.

"I called Aunt Marla, I'm going to get there next week I'll spend a few days with my grandparents and then I'll stay with you guys," he said without looking at him. "I'll show up probably on Thursday or Friday, we'll talk then," he said before slapping him in the back without making any eye contact at all and then he went back in the building.

Now as he realized that Martin might be showing up any minute he felt his stomach churning and the hairs on the back of his neck standing. He knew that he had screwed up, but he had stubbornly denied his mistakes expecting everyone to let it pass, something his high school friends had learned to do quickly. Every time he'd screw up he'd just fight and pretend he hadn't done anything wrong until they'd drop it and then he'd try to not make the same mistakes and so his friends wouldn't have any reason to bring it up again. This time, however, he hadn't done his part, he had kept at flirting with all the attractive guys that came into his path even though Nate had realized what he was doing and had shared his thoughts on the what Luke was doing, he hadn't stopped his flirting. "Big headed idiot," he said as he spotted his reflection in the cold window of his room.

The snow had become steady and he remembered having promised Nate that they would play in the snow as soon as it started. Nate had never seen snow and he just remembered that it started snowing probably just when he had pushed Nate to the ground on the street where they had been looking at the Mississippi. Nate had never seen snow before in his life and Luke had actually talked him into a few ideas because Nate sounded terrified of even having to go out in the snow, and it started snowing just when he had decided to turn psycho on him. Now he assumed that Nate was probably playing in the snow with... Julian.

"Luke, honey, Martin's here," his mom called from downstairs.

How could Martin be there already? He hadn't even heard the front gate open, or any car honking. He had to give it to Martin, he had been smooth, probably wanted to catch him off guard. Yet he felt like he was about to get the ass kicking he disserved, when he started thinking about the confrontation he had with Becca, he thought it would be easy, that she'd back off on him, but she didn't. She held her ground and fought back as hard as she could, and he felt so worthless that he knew he had no will to fight with anyone, not Martin, not Nate, not his parents, not anymore.

He heard footsteps approaching his room and froze when he heard them at his doorway. "Can I come in?" Martin asked from outside.

"Yeah, you don't have to ask," Luke answered.

"I just wanted to make sure I wouldn't get a boot thrown at my face you know," Martin said as he opened the door and started walking in.

Luke chuckled. "Sly cos, very sly," Luke said as he let himself fall on the bed, he was lying with his back to the door and staring out the window, his blue eyes following the fall of snowflakes hoping Martin wouldn't make him look back.

"So, Aunt Marla tells me your new favorite hobby is to stay up here wrapped in your blanket, not eating, not talking, not doing anything," Martin told him.

He turned around feeling a sting of anger from Martin's words, Martin wasn't even looking at him, his hair was longer now, not really long, but long enough for him to turn it into a spiky mess that actually made him more appealing. His brown eyes were drifting around the room, and then all of a sudden with a slight turn of his head, his eyes locked on Luke, staring right into his eyes. "Leave me alone, I'm not in the mood for company," Luke said, he was about to turn around but Martin reached out with his hand and grabbed him by the chin, keeping him from looking away.

"I think I've let you run rampant long enough little cousin," Martin said looking deep into his eyes with a slight smile forming.

"Let me go," Luke said before he grabbed Martin's hand and tried to push it away, but Martin struggled back, the sleeve of his black sweater rolled down enough for Luke to see that the veins in Martin's arm swelled and its muscles looked hard as rock.

"I might not be as buff or muscled as you are, but I sure won't let you have your way like Nate and Becca did," he said before pulling his arm away from Luke.

"Why won't y'all just leave me alone," Luke muttered before trying to cover himself with his quilt.

"Because you screwed up, that's why, and not only did you screw up, you used what Nate did to pretend like he's the only one that did something wrong," Martin started saying before Luke sat up on the bed.

"Stop it already, I don't want to hear this bullshit anymore," Luke said with tears starting to roll down his face.

"No, you will listen this time and I don't give a shit if you try to attack me, I'll fight back and make you regret it..." Martin said before Luke jumped on him. However Martin already thought it'd be coming so he jumped forward and met Luke halfway in the air, they struggled a bit before Martin managed to push Luke onto his back.

"Get the fuck off me!" Luke yelled.

"In your dreams tardboy, now I don't know what's going on in your head, but I am sick of all of this shit," Martin said as Luke started to struggle again with tears rolling freely down his face. "Stop it, damn it! I love you, but I don't know what's happened to you, we're your friends, me and Becca but you treated her like shit when she wanted to know what happened and you avoided me up until now, but I don't care what you say or how hard you fight back you have to stop this now!" Martin said as he felt himself begin to cry.

Luke took the opportunity and pushed him to the left, making Martin land on the floor. "Leave me alone, I'll work things out with Nate once we're back at the dorm after the break," he said before he started working towards the door.

"That's where you're wrong, if you think you can work things out the way you've been trying you'll fail, and second of all, Nate asked to be reassigned to a new room and got it, he won't be back at your room after the break," Martin said breaking the promise he'd made to Nate of not telling Luke about it.

Luke froze and felt a chill go down his spine and spread through his whole body. "No! He wouldn't... he can't have..." he started saying before he remembered his own words when he had yelled them at Nate -I wish you would just leave and not come back!- He felt like throwing up and heard his first sob escape as he fell to the ground. "I'm such a fucking idiot...," he said before he started crying loudly. He heard his bedroom's door close and saw Martin standing before him. Martin got on his knees and wrapped his arms around him. He tried to escape his embrace but Martin wrapped his arms tightly around him and then placed a kiss on his cheek.