Tim lay against Johnny who was attempting to watch the sports news on TV without much success. He already had a hardon just from having Tim lying against him. With Tim running his fingers up and down the course Levi's covering his hard cock, and occasionally going lower to cup his balls, Johnny was having a hard time not squirming from the exquisite torment.
"If you don't stop that, you're going to get flung over my shoulder and carried off to the bedroom," Johnny said through clinched teeth.
Tim pushed himself upright and looked at him in mock contempt. "Hot air."
Johnny pushed him over and quickly crawled on top of him. "I'll show you hot air, Mister."
Tim grinned at having succeeded in getting Johnny's full attention. He wrapped his arms around the burly ex-cop and captured his mouth with his. Johnny placed his hands on each side of Tim's head and caressed his temples with his thumbs as he pulled back from the kiss to look at his young lover. "I can never get enough of you, Sweetheart."
"You've got all of me anytime you want me, John." He reached up and nipped Johnny's nose.
Johnny buried his face against Tim's neck. "I love you, Timmy."
"Let's take this to the bed, there's more room there. I want to show you how much I love you."
Johnny rolled off his young lover and offered him a hand. Hand in hand they went into the bedroom.
As Johnny started undressing him, Tim said, "I stopped up to see Jake Shipman* this morning."
"Now why would you do that?" he asked as he pulled Tim's shirt off.
"After all the things we heard about him at dinner last night, I just wanted to meet him." Tim unbuttoned his own pants. He was already bare footed.
Johnny knelt and pulled his pants down. Tim was commando. He leaned forward and kissed the head of Tim's burgeoning cock and then looked up at him. "What do you think of him?"
"He was grouchy, and got me totally muddled. I was trying to explain that Charley had been hired to protect Dave." Tim pulled Johnny to his feet and started unbuttoning his shirt.
"You? Mr. Brainiac got muddled? I can't imagine that." He hugged Tim to his chest and swayed with him.
Tim pushed away and pulled Johnny's shirt loose from his waist band and unbuttoned it. "He's good at word games. However, the thing that really got me was that he didn't act like he even wants to be friends with Charley, much less lovers."
Johnny dropped the shirt from his shoulders and let it fall to the floor."You do know why he's in the hospital don't you?"
"No, no one ever said why." Tim had unbuttoned Johnny's waistband and popped the rest of the buttons. The pants were loose enough that they fell around his ankles and Johnny stepped out of them. "Timmy, he was raped. You know Jim, my granddad's companion?"
"Yeah?" Tim said sliding his hand in the back of Johnny's Jockey shorts and grasping his buns. He loved running his hands over Johnny's hairy ass. He grasped the waist band and shucked them down.
Johnny stepped out of them. "Charley told me that Jim had been Jake's lover and had broken up with him. He ran into Jake in a bar one night, drugged and raped him," he said, sitting down on the bed and scooting to the middle of it.
Tim stood gloriously naked with his hands on his hips, full of indignation."Damn, that's awful. That Jim guy's a registered nurse. Why is he doing shit like that? He should be hung by his balls. Castrated!"
Johnny started laughing and held his arms out to Tim.
"What's so funny?" Tim asked, crawling next to Johnny to be wrapped in a bear hug.
"Jake almost did just that." Johnny said, then kissed his lover's lips.
For the next half hour as they cuddled together, Johnny told him the tale that Charley had told him at the dinner table the night before while everyone else was kibitzing. When Johnny finished the tale, Tim rolled over and pushed his backside against Johnny. Johnny held him close, occasionally kissing the back of his neck. The thought of making love had eluded them as they contemplated Jake's rape and revenge. "I'm hungry. Would you like to go get a burger?" Tim asked.
"I'm happy to just lay here and hold you, but I guess a growing boy has to be fed. Let's do it."
Tim lunged off the bed, pulling Johnny up with him.
Dave was having a hard time containing his excitement as he opened the box from the publishing house where he'd sent the manuscript of the recipes that Angie, his mother-in-law, had given him. He'd taken a photo of her at her stove and sent a biography along with it for the cover. Finally, here was the finished product. He held it up, admiring the cover. It read in big letters, 'Angie's Favorites' and in smaller letters below, 'A Compilation of an Italian Family's Heirloom Recipes.'
He called Joe and told him about it.
"Let's get the whole family together and celebrate it. Make it a surprise for Mom," was Joe's response.
"That's a great idea, Babe. I'll call everyone and we'll get Silvano to cater it. I know Angie will complain, but let her."
Dave started calling everyone in his and Joe's families. He had to visit with each one and spent a couple of hours just inviting everyone. He included Sue, being she ran the bookstore and had been instrumental in getting Angie's handwritten recipes typed into a machine-readable document.
When he did a head-count for the caterer, he was amazed that the number came to twenty-two. He wondered if Gio could get away from the restaurant. The restaurant closed at eight on Sunday evenings so maybe he could get there late. He told the caterer twenty-four just to be on the safe side.
The morning after the family party where Dave had given everyone a copy of the cookbook, Dave sat at the kitchen table perusing it. He grinned to himself when he recalled his mother-in -law's surprise. "Oh my God, Dave, I really didn't believe that you would do this. I'd actually forgotten all about it. Oh, my mother would be so thrilled to see her recipes in print. I'm thrilled.
This is so wonderful. Thank you, Dave." She'd continued effusing in her excitement all evening as she signed each and every cookbook.
Tim was beside himself waiting for his parents to deplane. He still hadn't spoken to them, all communication had been with Johnny as intermediary. He wondered if there would be a scene. Well, even if he walked away again, he'd sent them round trip tickets; they could just head back home.
It had been nearly two years since he'd graduated from high school. When his parents hadn't attended his graduation ceremony, he'd gone home, packed and left; not even saying goodby while they just stood there stony faced and watched him leave. He left them no clue as to where he was going, only a note left on his bed where they would be sure and find it saying that since they couldn't love and accept him, he was out of their lives.
Now he was going to be meeting them face to face. How would they react? How would he react? 'If it wasn't for my love for Johnny,' he thought, 'I might just run and hide again.'
There they were, they hadn't seen him yet. Tears came to his eyes. He furiously wiped them away. Dammit, they were not going to see him cry. The joy on their faces when they saw him filled him with a long missed emotion. They were his parents. He loved them. He was happy to see them in spite of the way he'd left home.
His mother rushed into his arms hugging and kissing him. They were both crying. "Oh, Timmy, it's so good to hold you again. I love you, Son."
"I love you too, Mom. I've missed you so much."
He looked up at his dad and was surprised to see tears in his eyes, too. "My turn, Mother. Let me have a go at my son." His dad grabbed him in a hard hug.
"Can you ever forgive a couple of old fools?" he whispered in Tim's ear.
"It's so good to see you again, Dad."
When Tim stepped away from his dad's hug, he could see that ignoring his question had hurt him. But Tim still had a lot of hurt and anger to deal with before he could honestly say that he forgave his dad for the treatment he'd received from him after coming out to him.
They claimed their luggage and Tim lead them out to his El Camino.
"You finally got it," his dad said, admiring the sleek pickup. "How much did it cost you, Tim?"
"It was a gift, Dad."
"John gave it to you?"
"No, his brother-in-law, Dave Gates, did."
"I've heard that name somewhere before."
"I'm sure you have, Dad. His name has been in the news a lot recently."
"What did you do to deserve such a gift?"
"You'll have to get Dave to tell you."
"So, we will be meeting this Dave Gates?"
"Actually, Dad, he and his partner will be your hosts while you are here."
"Partner, as in Johnny is yours?"
Tim looked at his parents. His mother was sitting in the middle of the pickup's bench seat studying her hands. His dad was leaning forward to see around his wife. He looked Tim in the eyes. Tim tried to think of the last time that had happened. It seemed that his dad had been ashamed of him for a long time before he came out to them. He held his dad's look. "I hope that won't be a problem for you. You'll actually have your own condo to stay in."
"We won't be having any problem with it, Son," his dad said as he took his wife's hand in his own and rubbed it soothingly. She glanced up at her husband, then looked at Tim, smiled and nodded her head.
Tim turned off the freeway and headed toward the Tower. As they passed the University campus he pointed it out to them.
"This is where I go to school."
"We don't even know what you are majoring in, Timmy," his mother said, staring out the window at all the impressive architecture.
"Law enforcement, Mom. I was going to be a policeman, but Dave has offered me a position with his security force when I graduate. I will probably take him up on it. However, I still have two years of school, so I have plenty of time to make up my mind."
"Oh look, what a beautiful building," she said, pointing at the Tower. "It's so light and airy. There are full grown trees on top of it. Oh my."
Tim wondered for a moment if his mother had paid any attention to what he had just told them, and then recalled the first time he had seen the Tower and his reaction to it. Still her actions reminded him of a child's, and he realized that it was a defense mechanism. He spoke more kindly to her. "That's where you will be staying. Three floors from the top."
"Oh my," she repeated.
"You have some impressive friends, Son, I must say," his dad said.
"It was totally serendipitous, Dad. I had a job as a security guard on the desk in the Tower. Dave and Joe met, and Dave moved into the penthouse with him. They call it the Eyrie... that's an eagle's nest. Joe Paolini is Johnny's brother. He's the man who designed and built this building. And then the mother of Dave's deceased partner had him kidnapped. That was when I met Johnny. He was a police detective at the time."
Tim took a deep breath and let it out as he pulled his El Camino under the portico. He grabbed the luggage and led his parents to the door. The guard on duty recognized Tim and released it for them to enter.
"Hi, Mark, these are my parents, Tim and Edie McFadden. They will be staying in 29A for a couple of weeks."
"Hey, Tim." Mark nodded to the McFaddens. "It's nice to meet you folks. Dave told me to be expecting you. I believe he'll be there to meet you."
He helped Tim and his dad carry the luggage into the elevator. When the door closed, Tim told his parents that Mark had taken over his old job when he quit.
"Why did you quit, Son? It looks like an easy job. You have to work to support yourself, especially while going to college."
"Not any more, Dad. Besides, since I had my choice of scholarships when I graduated. I only had to work for spending money and enough to pay for my books. I'm attending school full time and keeping a 4.1 grade average."
"Well, the money we put aside for your education is just sitting in the bank accruing interest. It's all yours, Tim."
"I don't need it, Dad. Why don't you and Mom use it? Take a vacation. Go to Hawaii or someplace."
Edie had been following along, ogling all the clean lines and rich appointments in the building as if she wasn't really paying any attention to the conversation. When they stepped into the condo, she immediately went to the floor to ceiling windows looking over downtown.
"Oh my, I've never been so high up," she said, then she turned and glared at her son. "Timothy Michael McFadden, your father and I scrimped and saved for years to save that money for your education. How dare you refuse to take it. We know we were wrong in our response when you told us you are a-a----."
"Gay, Mom. The word is gay."
"Edie, please. It's Tim's right to refuse it if he feels he must."
"Dad, you don't understand. I really do appreciate what you and Mom had to do to save that money for me, but I don't need it. I've got all the money I could ever want."
"You're right. I don't understand. Where would you get that kind of money?"
"It was a reward."
"A reward."
"Yes, along with the El Camino."
"So, this Dave person just gave you a huge sum of money as a reward. For what?"
"For helping him out."
"For helping him out," his dad contemptuously repeated.
"Yes."
"I take it you aren't going to explain."
"Ask Johnny or Dave. I find it embarrassing."
"I shall."
Tim watched his dad stride across to the balcony windows and stare out for several slow seconds before he turned to pin him with his eyes. "I'm not sure I approve of you taking that kind of money."
Tim bristled and glared back. He tried to stay calm as he countered, "It's not up for your approval, Dad. I am twenty-one."
"You're still my son. I brought you up knowing that you work for what you get in life. Nothing is free."
His mother injected, "Sounds to me like this Dave has bought you. You bring more shame upon us."
Tim looked at her as if she'd just slapped him. It took him a moment to get his brain to function. "I knew it. I knew you were still ashamed of me for being something I have no choice in. You condemn me, not even knowing the facts. I don't understand why you even bothered to come since you're so ashamed of me." He fumed for a moment as he glanced from one parent to the other. "You know what? I'm out of here. You've got your return tickets... you can leave anytime you wish."
He slammed the door and punched the button for the elevator. Apparently, it had been called back down. When it didn't open immediately, Tim turned to the stairwell using his personal key, impatient to be away from his parents. Taking the stairs two at a time, he ended up in the outer foyer to the Eyrie. For several moments he stood looking back and forth between the door that went out on the deck and the one that went into the Eyrie, then chose the one to the outside. He strode over to a chaise lounge by the pool and collapsed on it.
Dave hadn't been back in the Eyrie ten minutes before he heard the chime indicating the stairwell door had been opened and went looking to see who had come up at this hour of the morning.
Roger, Dave's personal guard, was sitting in the living room reading the paper. When the door to the foyer didn't open, he assumed whoever had come up had gone into the pool area. He stepped through the door into the stairwell landing and out the other where he saw Tim flop onto a chaise with an arm thrown over his eyes. As he started toward him to greet him, he saw Dave step out the kitchen door and look around. He waved at Dave to get his attention and pointed at Tim. Dave waved Roger away, sat down on the edge of the chaise, placing a hand on Tim's chest. "Tim? Are you alright?" he asked.
"No, I'm not alright. My parents are downstairs," Tim answered without lifting his arm from his eyes to acknowledge Dave.
"Oh, I was going to be there when you arrived. I got busy and forgot all about it."
Tim spilled the whole conversation he'd just had with his parents.
"Would you mind if I talked to them?" Dave asked.
"It won't do any good. Their bigotry is too ingrained. They'll never change. I don't know why I let Johnny sucker me into this. Damn him! Why couldn't he have just left things alone?"
Dave patted Tim's arm which was still over his eyes. "I'll be back."
Tim 'humphed' in answer.
"Just call me Dear Abby, out of one crisis into another," Dave said to Roger as they headed down the stairs. He decided that he'd play it as if he were unaware of Tim's upset.
"Do you want me to come in with you or wait here in the foyer?" Roger asked.
Dave looked at Roger. "You know I think I'm beginning to like you. At first I thought you didn't have any sensitivity. Tim's parents are probably just as upset as he is. Please wait out here."
Roger nodded and stood to the side as Dave knocked on the door to the condo. Dave smiled when Tim Sr. opened it. "Hello, I'm Dave Gates," he said, introducing himself to Tim's father when he opened the door. "I just dropped down to welcome you. Did I miss Tim?"
"Nice to meet you, Dave. I'm Timothy McFadden and this is my wife Edie. Yes, Tim had to leave... school or something."
Dave noticed the tears that Edie was trying to hide and the tightness around her husband's eyes. "Yes, he's always studying. You must really be proud of him. He tells me he's been on the honor roll since he was in grade school. Smart young fellow with an amazing memory. You know if it wasn't for his remarkable memory, I wouldn't be around today," Dave told them. "Tim helped save my life when I was kidnapped. His ability to describe the kidnapper and the car along with the license plate number helped the police locate, within an hour, where I had been taken. If it hadn't been for Tim, they may never have found me."
"Our boy did that?"
"He sure did. I was so grateful to him that I searched for that El Camino he drives and gave him that and a reward."
"Tim said he'd never need all you gave him."
"Well, it's not my place to tell you how much. It was really just a pittance."
"Where we come from, we work for our money. Tim was not raised to take handouts like this."
"Handouts?" Dave suddenly understood Tim's frustrated anger at his dad. "Mr. McFadden, just how much do you think a life is worth? Let's say your life in particular, or your wife's. Would you say it's worth everything you have?"
"Well, yes. I would give everything I own to save my wife's life. And I guess I would my own, too."
"Timothy, you know I would forfeit everything we have to save yours," Edie asserted.
"Your son saved my life," Dave said. "How do you put a price on that? Would you say my life is worth a thousand, ten, a hundred thousand? How about a million? I have much, much more than that, so shouldn't I have given him a lot more? My partner, Joe, was ready to give a huge fortune to the kidnapers to save me. Don't you think that a part of that should be Tim's? I mean he did save my life after all."
Timothy gulped. Before he could formulate an appropriate answer, Dave continued.
"There isn't a finer man I know than your son. And here you're acting like you are ashamed of him." Dave paused as though a thought had just occurred to him. "Ohhh, I think I know why. You are ashamed that he is gay. That is a shame. Here is something that he had no choice in being, and you are ashamed of him for it."
"We're trying to learn to accept that. It's just that we've been taught all our lives that it is an abomination," Edie answered.
"Tim told me that you are religious. Do you study the bible?" Dave asked. Edie's expression made Dave back track. "I'm not trying to insult you, but I am curious. Do you read whole books and complete chapters, or do you study only the particular verses that your preacher suggests?"
"I attend a regular study group."
"And you take particular verses to study and discuss their meaning, right?"
"Of course, that's how all study groups do it."
"Have you ever sat down and read the complete Book of Leviticus?"
"The complete Book?" Edie thought a minute. "I don't think I have."
"Well, before you condemn your son, may I suggest you read and study the whole Book. By the way, that's a lovely red dress you're wearing, Edie."
"Thank you. I wore it because I know Timothy likes it." She smiled at her husband.
"Oh, I don't know if Tim told you," Dave said, changing the subject, "the kitchen is fully stocked. The fridge is full of food, so if you want a snack, help yourselves. However, you're invited to have dinner with us tonight on the terrace. If you need anything, there is a list of telephone numbers beside the phone. Don't hesitate to call me. It was nice meeting you, I've got to run."
After Dave left, Edie commented about the oddity of Dave talking about the Book of Leviticus. "I don't think I've ever read more than the verses that are always recommended," she said as she dug into her suitcase for her ever present Bible.
She opened it to the Book of Leviticus and sat down to read the entire book. Her husband walked over to the French doors that opened onto the balcony and stared out at the city. Noticing a couple of lounge chairs, he opened the door and stepped out. The air was fresh, he took in a deep draught. Going to the railing, he looked down on the University's huge complex of buildings. He thought about his confrontation with his son and sighed. It seemed that every time he tried to talk to Timmy it turned into a battle of wills.
He admired his son and was proud of what he had accomplished in his young life. Why was it that he always ended up condemning him? He regretted that he'd let Edie hold him back from going to Tim's graduation ceremonies. Those damned religious beliefs of hers certainly had messed up their lives. He made the decision that it wasn't going to influence him anymore. He loved Edie, but he hated how she raptly accepted everything as the gospel her church leader told her. And he hated himself for not being strong enough to stand up to her and her church. He was going to have to sit down alone with Timmy and straighten out things between them.
He sighed again and lay down on the chaise. With his hands behind his head, he stared into the blue sky. 'Dave sure is an attractive fellow. He kind of reminds me of Mike.' God, he hadn't thought about Mike in such a long time. He'd loved Mike. Maybe even more than he loved Edie. He'd seriously thought about breaking his engagement to her and trying to make a life with Mike. However, the choice had been violently ripped from him.
He closed his eyes and ventured back to his days as a soldier in Nam. He was back in the jungle. Sniper fire. His squad had been pinned down for hours, and was slowly being picked off by a damned Cong sniper. From their location they couldn't see him. Mike had kissed him on the cheek saying he was going to flush the son-of-a-bitch out. Before he could collect his wits, Mike had sneaked away.
He and the other three unwounded grunts had waited. Hyper-alert. Suddenly, the silence was broken with several bursts of machine gun fire. He pinpointed where the firing was coming from and sent a burst of bullets into the bush. There were two screams of pain at once, from two different directions.
He knew Mike had been hit. Nothing had mattered except getting to him. Expecting to be gunned down any moment, he rose from his hiding place and ran in the direction Mike had gone. Nothing happened. He'd succeeded in taking out the sniper. He yelled out Mike's name and heard a whimper and a groan. Rushing in the direction of the sounds, he found Mike.
Just as he got to where he was lying, he simultaneously heard another shot ring out and felt a searing burn in his side. He toppled over Mike and lay there trying to catch his breath and stop the pain. He turned around and crawled to Mike's side. He gathered the dying man in his arms. Mike's last words still rang in his ears. "This is for the best, Buddy. Never forget I love you." Tears coursed down Timothy's cheeks as he remembered the feel of Mike's life force leaving his body.
After getting out of the hospital, he'd been shipped back stateside and processed out of the Army. He'd stopped in Phoenix to visit Mike's grave and to give his parents his condolences. It was only two months later that he'd married Edie.
Timothy drifted into a light troubled sleep and dreamed that Dave was Mike reincarnated and had come back to set his life on the right track.
He was awakened by Edie sitting on the edge of the chaise and taking his hand in hers. She had tears running down her cheeks. "Why are you crying, Sweetheart?" he asked.
"Timothy, we've gravely wronged our son. And I've been wrongly misled by Pastor Barnum. Surely he knows what the rest of Leviticus says, yet he's never mentioned any of it except the verse condemning people like our Timmy. I should be stoned for just wearing this dress. That's what Dave was saying when he complimented it. He was basically saying I'm a hypocrite. And I...I am."
"Edie, my love, one thing that no one seems to take into account is that all that stuff was written a long long time ago... a long time before Christ even. Times change. And along with it, laws must change, too. The laws in Leviticus were laid down for the people of that time. Jesus never condemned love of any kind. He admonished the people to love each other and not to judge them. We've both wronged Timmy. We judged him and withheld our love. And there is the sin."
"I know that now." Edie wept into her hands.
Timothy slid off the chaise and stood offering his hands to his wife. She took them and allowed him to pull her up to stand facing him.
"We must seek Timmy's forgiveness before we can seek God's." He took his wife's head between his two hands, wiped her tears away with his thumbs, then pulled her to his lips and wrapped her in his firm embrace. "Come, let's go find him."
Tim eventually got past his anger at his parents, but felt saddened that they still couldn't accept him. He stood and stretched, wishing that Johnny was home to commiserate with him. He wandered into the Eyrie looking for Dave and found him in the kitchen peeling carrots for a pot roast. When Dave saw him standing in the doorway, he smiled.
"Feeling better?" he asked.
"Some, I guess."
"I met your parents. They seem like very nice people."
"They are." Tim sighed. "Except when it comes to their faggot son."
"Has either one of them ever used that word?"
"What? Faggot? No, they won't even say gay."
"Okay, so why do you use it?"
"Why? Because that is what they make me feel like."
Dave dried his hands and walked over to Tim and rested them on his shoulders. "Have you sat down and talked with them about this, Tim?"
"What's to talk about? Mom bursts into tears, and Dad gets critical of things he doesn't even know anything about."
"And you get angry and supersensitive, don't you?"
"Are you blaming me?"
"No, Tim, I'm not blaming you. However, I'm not blaming your parents either."
"What are you trying to tell me, Dave?"
"Tim, your parents love you. I could see it in their eyes when I was talking to them."
"Strange way they show me."
"Look, I've invited them up for dinner. You and Johnny are invited, too. You are a very intelligent fellow. Try to see their side of the issue. You might discover none of you are right, or wrong."
"For you, Dave, I'll try."
"No, Tim. Do it for yourself. I think you'll be surprised."
Tim went home thinking about what Dave had said. He'd been to church with his mother enough as a youngster that he knew where most of her precepts came from. By the time he was sixteen, he'd decided that the Baptist church was a self-righteous, hypocritical, hate-mongering institution and refused to go with his mother anymore.
As he thought about his father, he realized that his dad had never really said anything negative to him about being gay. He'd just become more critical of everything he did. It was as if he expected Tim to be more perfect because he was gay. Furthermore, when he wasn't being critical, he just seemed to ignore Tim, closing himself into a pained shell. Tim wondered why. He could think of no logical reason his dad would act that way, unless......no, that was out of the realm of possibilities.
He tried to get into his school work, but he just couldn't concentrate on the text. His mind kept wandering back to what Dave had suggested, and that was like a dead end street, so he put on his jogging shorts and went for a run.
As Tim approached the apartment at the end of his run, he saw his parents walking away. He called out to them as he ran to catch up with them. All three of them were trying to apologize at the same time and no one was listening to the other. They all stopped talking and smiled uncomfortably. "Come on up, I'll put on a pot of coffee. We need to talk," Tim said.
Timothy and Edie followed their son back to the small two bedroom apartment. As Tim opened the door, he explained that he and Johnny were looking for a house to buy and that the apartment was only temporary.
Once they were all settled around the table in the small kitchen and the coffee was brewing, Tim took the lead. "Dad, Mom, I would like to explain where I'm coming from in my perception of being gay."
His parents nodded and gave him a small smile. They both noticed how Tim had matured. He'd left home a teenager, and now he was a man. Timothy chuckled to himself thinking about how Tim had fallen back into being a headstrong boy this morning. He had a feeling that Dave might have had something to do with Tim's more mature attitude.
"You know I was raised to believe in God. And you both know how I feel about your church, Mom, especially after I discovered my sexual orientation. I have done a lot of research and a lot of soul searching in the time since I left home. I find that I have a stronger belief in God now. And I feel closer to Him, too. Two things that I believe about God are that he is infallible, and that he loves all of his children. He doesn't make mistakes. I am the way God intended me to be. I am not a mistake. To condemn me is to demean God, for I am his creation just as you are. That I truly believe.
"Many people say," Tim continued, "I had a choice... that I chose to be gay. That's totally ridiculous. Can any sane sensible person believe that given a choice, I would choose a life that is looked down on and despised by the general population? That I would choose to be ridiculed, maybe tortured and even killed for my choice? No one, given a choice, would choose that. I can no more be straight than either of you could be gay."
Timothy blushed and bowed his head at his son's last statement. Tim saw it and wondered why, but didn't comment on it. Edie was staring at her son as tears flowed unchecked down her cheeks. She didn't notice her husband's reaction.
"I love you. You've been good parents. I hope that you can learn to understand who I am... and accept me. I won't apologize for what I am, for I have done nothing wrong. I try my best to be the honest upstanding moral person I was raised to be. I don't see that my sexual orientation belies that. I was a virgin when I met Johnny. And I will be true to him for life. I can't be any more than that." He closed his eyes and then looked at each of his parents. "The ball is in your court."
Edie wiped her eyes and smiled at her son. "Timmy, I was blind because I refused to see. Rather than think for myself, I took the easy route and let another person dictate what I should believe. This morning after you left, Dave came down to welcome us. He opened my eyes to my blindness. Well, your dad helped with what he said, too. Timmy, I'm so sorry for the way I've been treating you. I haven't been a very good mother... trying to be holier than thou. Can you forgive me? It may take me a bit of time to completely accept that you are gay, but I'm sincerely going to try. No, I'm going to do it. I love you, Son. And I am proud of you. Although, right now, I'm not very proud of myself."
"There's nothing to forgive, Mom. I love you and Dad very much."
"I need your forgiveness too, Tim. I know I've been critical and have ignored you recently. I won't anymore. I love you, too, Son."
That evening at Dave's was one of the best that Tim could remember. Johnny, Joe and Dave all loved Tim's parents. And the feeling was mutual.
Edie insisted on helping Dave clean up after dinner. Timothy discreetly asked his son to take a walk with him, excused himself to the two Paolini brothers, put an arm around Tim's shoulders and guided him to the back side of the roof top garden.
"Son, I think it's time to share something with you that I have hidden for most of my adult life. As much as I love your mother, I've never told her what I'm going to tell you."
He commenced to tell Tim about Mike and how he'd felt about him. Tim held his dad as he wept. Timothy had never let himself mourn Mike's death until now. Not even when he'd visited Mike's grave had he let his emotions go.
"I always wondered where my middle name came from. So, I was named after him?" Tim asked.
"Yes, Son, it was the least I could do for him."
"That's so romantic, Dad. I'm sorry you lost him."
"I am too... but if I hadn't, Tim, I wouldn't have you."
"Yeah, Mike gave his life so that I could be. Wow, he was really something wasn't he, Dad?"
"Yes, he was, Son. And you are the 'best'."
"You think that's what Mike meant?"
"I do, Tim, I really do."
Johnny had gotten worried when Tim and his Dad were gone for so long. He wandered around the house and stopped when he saw Tim holding his dad as he wept. He smiled with satisfaction, knowing everything was going to be all right between his lover and his lover's dad. He returned to the den where Joe and Dave had retired for coffee and desert with Edie. As he sat down in a big comfortable leather arm chair, she asked, "Are they okay?"
"Yeah, they're just doing a little father and son bonding. They're fine."
Outside, Timothy was trying to get his emotions under control. He finally felt at peace with his loss of Mike. It had been cathartic to tell his son about him and to finally mourn his death. Tim stood next to his dad, his arm around his shoulders, consoling him and offering him companionship. He'd never felt so close to his dad before. For the first time, Tim realized that his dad was just a fallible human being. And now, he wasn't just his father's son, he was his confidant... his comrade, too.
"Good grief, I can't go back in there with my eyes all red from bawling," Timothy muttered, wiping his face with his palms.
"Well, they're probably in the den, so you can go wash up in the guest toilet just inside the French doors." Tim led his dad to the door of the guest toilet, went into the den, sat on the arm of Johnny's chair and leaned against him, then smiled sweetly at his mom.
When Timothy entered the den, he saw his son sitting next to Johnny, who had his arm around Tim. He noticed that Dave and Joe were sitting close enough to touch and that Edie was smiling. She seemed to be okay with it all. He sat down next to her and put an embracing arm around her shoulders.
"Life's good, Mom," he said, "Our boy is getting hitched to a fine man, and he is surrounded by good friends that love him. What more could we want?"
Edie smiled and shrugged. "As long as he is happy, I can ask for no more."
*Jake's story is told in 'Rough Road Ahead'.