As soon as Johnny left, Tim stripped out of his clothes, stretched out on his bed and fondled his manhood as he fantasized about Detective Paolini. All too soon, because of the state of arousal Johnny had left him in, he was spent and fell asleep, only to dream about Johnny.

He had a hard time concentrating on his classes the next morning. He kept replaying the whole scene with the handsome blonde detective, wondering if there was the slightest chance that he'd ever see him again. Despite what had occurred in his apartment last night, Tim still couldn't believe that the man was gay and wanting him. When his classes were over for the day he was glad it was time to go to work. Maybe he could stay busy enough between the job, and his studies, not to think about Johnny.

When Dave walked into the lobby of the Tower that evening, he caught the moony expression on Tim's face as he sat with chin in hands gazing off into space. He stopped to chat as he did most evenings. Dave had few answers for all the questions Tim had about Joe's brother. But he left with the impression that the young fellow was thoroughly smitten with the detective.

Joe had started dinner preparations, but everything was put on hold while several minutes were spent with Dave wrapped in his arms, their lips locked together. Dave broke away gasping for air. Joe loved doing that to him, and of course Dave had no objection for Joe was always gasping for oxygen, too.

"I think I'd better go change into something more suitable for wrestling with you," Dave said pushing away Joe's grappling arms.

He returned a few minutes later wearing a pair of Joe's boxers that hung loosely on his hips and a baggy old T-shirt. Joe's wry expression told him that he had been expecting something a little sexier.

"Why are you hiding that beautiful physique from me? You know I love looking at you."

"I'm just giving your poor tired ol' eyes a much needed rest."

"You're mean to me Dave. I've hardly seen you all day," Joe whined.

Dave ignored him and dug the bag of charcoal briquettes out of the pantry. "Are you aware of what's going on with your brother and Tim McFadden?" he asked.

"What are you talking about?" Joe asked and then thought a moment. "Tim? You mean that hunky young guard on the desk downstairs?"

"Tim's moony-eyed over your brother. He couldn't stop talking about his meeting Johnny yesterday."

That set Joe onto a different tangent. "Speaking of yesterday, it really upsets me that you insist on walking home, Dave."

"Joe." Setting down the bag of charcoal, Dave walked over to him and wrapped his arms around his chest. He laid his head against Joe's strong back. "I can't let what happened yesterday change my life. The perpetrators have been arrested. Joiner and the kid that kidnapped me are in jail. Mrs. Way has been ordered to stay away from me. I won't live my life in fear of what could happen. Geez, I could get hit by a car crossing the street. Or could trip and fall, cracking my head open. I'm not going to stop crossing streets nor stop walking."

Joe turned in Dave's arms and embraced him, then kissed him on the tip of his nose. "Well, I'd feel better if you just stayed home where you're safe. Maybe I'll stay home and take care of you."

Dave pushed away and looked into Joe's eyes to see if he was really serious and caught a twinkle of amusement. "Yeah, I can just see us after having been locked up together for six weeks. I wouldn't have to worry about the outside world, you'd be ready to kill me yourself."

"Never." Joe pulled him back against his chest.

Dave laughed. "Right."

He let go of Joe and picked up the charcoal. As far as he was concerned the subject of walking a little over a block from the book store to the condo was closed. He could see in Joe's stance as he turned back to the stove that, joking aside, he was still upset about the kidnapping. He sighed and said, "Anyway, I didn't finish telling you about Tim and Johnny. I couldn't sleep last night after we went to bed, so I went out on the terrace. While I was leaning on the parapet looking out over the city, I noticed Johnny's car parked on the street. I watched him follow Tim when he got off duty."

"How do you know it was Johnny?"

Dave looked at him like that was the stupidest of questions. "His souped-up '56 Chevy isn't exactly unidentifiable."

"Isn't exactly unidentifiable?" Joe laughed.

"Yeah, and neither is Tim's beat-up ol' Mazda."

"It isn't exactly unidentifiable either?"

"Yeah." Dave ignored the teasing about his phrasing and asked, "So do you think they got together and did the big nasty?"

Joe was surprised by the question. He was thinking more along the line of his brother maybe suspecting that there was a connection between the kidnappers and Tim. "You're joking. Johnny and Tim? They are both straight."

"Johnny didn't kiss you. And you didn't see how moonstruck Tim is. If they didn't get together last night, I bet they will tonight. I saw Johnny cruise by as I was walking up the concourse a while ago."

With the bag of charcoal in hand, Dave went out and set up the grill and lit the charcoal. That done, he wandered over to the parapet and scanned the street in front of the Tower. Johnny's car was parked just out of sight of the front door of the building. He trotted into the kitchen and grabbed Joe's arm. "You've gotta come out here and see this for yourself." He dragged Joe over to the edge of the building and pointed down at the car.

"Tell me that car isn't unidentifiable."

Joe grinned. "Yup, I identify that car as Johnny's." Dave poked him in the ribs, Joe danced away from him and suggested, "Let's have some fun with him." He pulled out his cell phone and dialed.

"Paolini," Johnny answered.

"Hey, Bro, did you eat dinner before staking out our front door?"

"No, and how do you know what I'm doing?"

"Well, your car isn't exactly unidentifiable." The middle finger on Dave's right hand shot up at him as Joe grinned at him. "Look up and wave."

"And here I thought I was being discrete," Johnny whined.

"A '56 Turquoise and white Chevy will never be discrete. Why aren't you with Paul if you have the guard under surveillance?"

"Tim isn't under suspicion."

The incredulousness in Johnny's voice made Joe step back and regroup his thoughts. Apparently Dave was right. "Well then, come on up and join us for grilled steaks. I'll even fix one for your boyfriend on the desk downstairs and let you take it to him."

"You'd do that for me, Joe?"

The wonder in Johnny's voice took the momentum out of Joe's teasing mood. Joe had been expecting a vehement denial that Tim was not his boyfriend.

"I'd do that for my little brother," Joe said, but he just had to get one more little dig in, so he added, "and his boyfriend."

"He's not my boyfriend." There was a bit of exasperation in Johnny's voice

Joe smirked at his success in baiting his younger brother.

"Well, I'll still fix him a steak too, if you want to take it down to him."

"Cool. I'll be right up."

Tim smiled as he watched the '56 Chevy pull under the porte cochere. His smile became a grin as Johnny got out and strode into the lobby. With a curt nod of his head toward the elevator, Johnny walked right on by Tim. He pressed the button to open the elevator to the roof, crushed that Johnny didn't even stop to say 'hi'. Johnny stepped in, turned to look sternly at Tim, and said, "Don't eat until I return. Got it?" Tim just stared at him. "Joe's fixing dinner."

Tim turned away just missing Johnny's grin. He felt even more depressed as he wondered why Johnny insisted that he wait while he had dinner with Dave and Joe. Opening his history book, he stared at the print, not registering what he saw.

With his legs crossed at the ankles, Johnny leaned his butt against the counter; his arms were folded defensively across his chest. Joe had just asked him what was going on with the young Mr. McFadden and he was in a quandary of how to answer, so he just stared at the floor as he tried to think.

"I'm your brother, Johnny, you can tell me anything and I'll still love you. Come on admit it. You've got the hots for Timmy. Doncha?"

"If I were to admit that I do, that would make me a fag, wouldn't it?"

"Damn, is that the way you think of me? I'm a fag?"

"No. No, I've never thought of you that way. You're my brother. I love you, Joe."

"Then why are you labeling yourself that way? You're thirty-seven. Can't you just be who you are and accept it? Who cares whether you're gay, bi or straight? You're a real man.... a good, loving, caring man... and that's all that really matters."

"But still I have to account to Mom and Dad."

"Johnny, get real. They realized you'd never find the right girl years ago. They only want you to be happy. If Tim's going to make you happy, go for it."

Joe could see that Johnny was still raging a battle within himself. Finally Johnny raised his eyes to his brother. "Thanks, Joe. You've always been good at straightening out my thinking." He pulled him into a hug.

'Will he let himself win?' Joe wondered.

Half an hour later Tim was still staring at the same page when the elevator doors opened and Johnny pushed a tea cart out laden with two plates, each laden with a big T-bone steak and a baked potato, and two bowls of green salad. Tim paid no attention to the noise Johnny was making as he pushed the cart behind the U-shaped desk, assuming that it was just one of the little ol' ladies from the third floor.

"You want to help me here?" Johnny asked.

Tim jerked like he'd been poked with a cattle prod. "What?"

"Your dinner, Sir."

Tim turned to see the teacart full of food. He hadn't thought that this was what Johnny had been intimating when he got in the elevator. "Wow! I could get used to this kinda service," he said with a huge grin, eyeing the juicy T-bones.

"Don't. It'll probably never happen again in your lifetime."

"Well. A guy can dream can't he?" Tim asked, feeling more than a little hurt that Johnny was putting the damper on what could be a romantic meal, even if it was at his desk in the lobby.

Johnny shrugged. "Sure, dream away."

Tim wasn't sure why Johnny was being so gruff and stand-offish and still wanting to share the meal. He kept glancing up at him, but failed to catch his eye. Neither of them had said a word for several minutes as they quietly ate. With the edge taken off his appetite, Tim reached the breaking point, and asked, "Alright, why are you doing this?"

"Doing what?" Johnny didn't even glance up.

"Why did you bring me dinner? Why are we eating together? Why are you acting like you'd rather be somewhere else? Why are you being so gruff?" Tim's voice broke in exasperation. "Why are you even here?"

Johnny put a bite of steak into his mouth, chewed and then swallowed. After taking a sip of wine he asked, "Can we talk about this after you get off work?"

"We've got three and a half hours to talk about it now."

Johnny shrugged as he cut another bite of meat and stuffed it into his mouth. "So start talking," he said around the big bite of beef. He still hadn't looked at Tim.

Tim laid his knife and fork across his half eaten meal, and turned toward Johnny. "No. I want to hear why you showed up at my apartment last night intent on seducing me and then didn't. And I want to know why you are here now."

Johnny glanced at Tim and said, "There's desert when you've finished that."

"Fuck desert!" Tim yelled as he hit the desktop with his doubled up fist making everything on it bounce. "Stop playing around with me."

Johnny swung around to face Tim. He pointed his steak knife at him as he glared; the point an inch from Tim's nose.

"I'm not playing around, dammit. I'm dead serious and I'm scared shitless. Alright?"

Tim blinked and crossed his eyes trying to see how close the point was. Realizing he was pointing a sharp knife, Johnny stabbed it into his steak. He stared at it for a moment and then looked up at Tim.

"I've seduced hundreds of women. Not for one did I ever feel anything more than lust. I meet you and in one afternoon my life is thrown completely out of kilter. For some unfathomable reason I can see myself spending the rest of my life with you and I want to run away as fast as I can and hide from the chaos in my head." He studied the food on his plate, pushing the food around a bit before he said, "I've always envied how Joe just accepted the way he is, and I've always fought how I am. You know, it's so hard trying to be something I'm really not. I'm tired of the farce." Johnny again started pushing the food around on his plate.

Tim's heart went out to him. Taking the fork out of Johnny's hand, he made him look up at him. "So why don't you give it up and be true to yourself," he asked.

"You don't understand. Everyone expects me to be this straight macho cop."

"So what's the problem?"

Johnny took his fork back and continued to push the food around on his plate. He couldn't look up at Tim. "Maybe I could see you and still keep up the image."

Tim pushed away from the desk and stood up. "Fuck you, Detective Paolini. I'm not some dumb back street bimbo that you can fuck when you feel like it. Just go back into your closet and we'll pretend this never happened."

"I thought you'd understand."

"Oh, I understand where you're coming from. I've been there, done that, and I now have a tee shirt that says, 'I'm out of the closet.' I tried hiding my true feelings with a pretty girl on my arm. But by the time I graduated from high school I couldn't do it any longer. I decided I would be what I am, and if someone couldn't deal with it.... well, that was their problem, not mine."

Johnny had dropped the fork, and was staring at his plate as Tim talked. He wished he had the fortitude to live like that. "I don't know if I can do that."

"Then what the hell are you doing sitting here. Go find yourself a broad and try to convince her you're really the man behind the straight macho cop image you're so good at hiding behind. And stop torturing me."

Johnny looked up at Tim. He wanted to say that he'd change, that he'd give up the straight image to have Tim in his life, but he couldn't find the words. The disgusted way Tim glanced at him and then looked away made him feel ashamed. He dropped his eyes back to his uneaten meal.

"Look," Tim said, "I'm on duty here and can't leave. So why don't you?" He turned and walked over to the plate glass window and stared out into the darkness. "Just go."

Johnny dragged himself up and shuffled over to the door. He turned and looked at Tim. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean for it to end like this."

Tim continued to stare out the window. "Detective, something can't end before it begins." And then he muttered under his breath, "I'd really hoped there would be a beginning."

Johnny nodded his head and shuffled out to his car. He glanced at Tim before getting into his car. Tim just stared right through him. He stood at the window for a couple of minutes after Johnny drove away, firming up his resolve. He then turned and piled the dishes of uneaten food on the cart and left it sitting behind the desk. He didn't feel like talking to Dave or Joe. They'd want to know what had happened and he didn't feel up to telling them. He walked back over to the window and stared into the night.

He didn't know how long he'd been staring out the window before he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned and looked into Joe's eyes. He'd thought Joe and Johnny looked so much alike, but he now realized that there was nothing about their eyes that matched. Johnny's had a guarded look, while Joe's were open and expressive. He wondered why he hadn't noticed that earlier.

"I take it from the look of the plates on the cart that things did not go well," Joe said.

Tim stared back out the window. "That's an understatement."

"Give him time, Tim. He's hidden from himself all his life. You have given him the incentive to come out of hiding."

"After this evening, Joe, I'm not sure whether I care if he comes out or not."

"Well, Tim, just remember that Dave and I think you're a great guy no matter what happens with my brother. And personally I think you are just what Johnny needs."

"Maybe so, but is he what I need?"

Joe squeezed his shoulder. "I guess only you can answer that, Tim."

"I don't know if he's what I need, but he sure is what I want. I just wish he had his head screwed on straight." He looked at Joe's wry smile. "Pun not intended," he muttered.

When Johnny left the Tower he cruised down a side street and spotted a blinking neon sign that said, "Bar." He pulled over and went in. When his eyes adjusted he noticed there were several same sex couples as well as a couple of straight couples in the place. He chose a stool where he could study the whole room in the mirror behind the bar and ordered a long-neck Miller's Lite.

He watched the different couples and how they interacted. He soon noticed that they all, mixed or same sex, acted much the same toward their partners. No one was worried about projecting 'an image.' He studied the men in the room. Only one of them would he ever classify as gay if he saw him on the street. He almost strangled on a swallow of beer when he saw the two guys he'd classified as having to be 'straight buddies out for a beer' stretch across the table and kiss. It made him start rethinking his ideas on image.

A sexy platinum blonde woman entered the bar and sat a couple of barstool from him. He checked her out and then ignored her. After a bit she slid off her stool and sidled over to sit next to him.

"Hi," she said.

He looked at her and said, "Before you make any advances, I should tell you I am a police officer."

"Oh, does that mean you can't have any fun, even when it's offered for free?"

"That depends," Johnny said, amused at her breathless little girl voice.

"Oh, on what?"

"Whether I'm wanting to have fun or not."

"Oh. Well, are you?"

"No thanks. I'm not."

"Oh." She slid off the barstool and went back to the one she'd been sitting on. Johnny watched her go and admired her chassis and found himself comparing her to Tim. He mentally kicked himself and looked her over again. 'What the hell, why not?' he thought. He picked up his near empty bottle and walked down the bar. "Can I buy you a drink?" he asked.

"Oh, sure, thanks."

He motioned for the bartender to bring them both another. He studied her wondering if she had dark roots under her platinum blonde curls. He knew one sure way to find out. "Do you mind if I change my mind?" he asked.

"Oh. About what?"

"Wanting to have some fun."

"Oh, that would be nice. You look so virile."

"So what's you name?"

"Oh, it's Marilou."

Johnny thought to himself that he would've dropped her if she said Marilyn after all the little squealed 'Ohs'. "I'm Johnny."

"Oh, it's nice to meet you, Johnny."

In the past he'd have gotten a kick out of her little charade. Tonight he just wanted to get her in bed and fuck himself into exhaustion so he could stop thinking about Tim. It didn't take much conversation before they were on their way to her apartment. Johnny soon discovered that she was a true blonde and had a beautiful body as he undressed her. Once he had her naked she dropped to her knees and unzipped his pants. Johnny closed his eyes and an image of Tim doing this filled his imagination and he got rampantly hard. But then he felt her nails rake across the tender skin on his cock and he found himself deflating like a punctured balloon.

"Oh, what happened? It was so big and hard."

"You've got to watch your nails," Johnny said lifting her to her feet. He picked her up, laid her in the middle of the bed and started stimulating every G spot on her body; soon she was pleading for him to fuck her.

She pulled a condom out from under a pillow and slapped it into his hand.

"Oh, hurry. I want you in me so bad. Oh, you're so good. Oh, please, hurry." She writhed and squirmed. Johnny found himself completely soft. He jacked it, trying to get it up. That didn't work. He closed his eyes and imagined what Tim's hand would feel like on it and it started growing. 'Yes,' he thought, 'I can do this.' He got the condom on his cock and scooted up. Taking a breast in each hand, he massaged them and pinched her nipples. An image of Tim's hairy chest filled his mind. He was overcome with a feeling of guilt. He sat back and sighed.

She raised her head and looked at him. "What's the matter? Why did you stop?"

Johnny shook his head and slid his feet to the floor. "I'm sorry, Marilou, I can't do this."

She dropped her little girl voice. "Are you a faggot that can't get it up with a real woman? Is that why you were in that bar?"

Johnny shook his head, pulled off the condom, dropped it on the floor, picked up his pants and put them on. She wasn't through with him though. She crawled off the bed, slapped him and said, "You were just playing like you were a big macho cop. You aren't a cop, you're just a God damned queer."

Johnny had taken enough abuse from her. When she tried to slap him again he grabbed her wrist. "I'm sure my wife wouldn't agree to your summation, kitten. Just face it, you're simply not enough to turn me on."

She yanked away from him. "You haven't got a wife. You can't fool me. You just can't get it up." She started pummeling him.

Johnny grabbed both her wrists. "Stop it, right... now."

"Make me," she said struggling to get loose. Johnny let loose of one wrist and she swung at him again. He grabbed her fist, swung her around, and picked her up, then tossed her onto the middle of the bed. She quickly got to her knees and swung at him again as he sat on the edge of the bed to put his shoes on. He caught her fist in his hand and pulled her down across his knees. She tried to wiggle away, but Johnny forcefully brought his opened hand down on her ample naked buttocks.

"Oh," she squealed.

"Are you going to behave yourself or do you want some more?"

She thought about it a moment and started struggling again. Johnny slapped her butt again. She again yelped and struggled harder. Johnny slapped her other cheek and then came back to the first one for another slap. Her yelps changed tenor. Johnny realized that she was getting off on this. He continued slapping one cheek and then the other. She was moaning and grinding against his leg. He let go of her hands and one went to a nipple while the other sought her clitoris. She was soon having multiple orgasms as she masturbated while he continued to spank her. When the orgasms peaked he stopped. She hung limply over his legs.

"God damn, that was good. Oh, Johnny, you do know how to treat me. Let me get you off now."

Johnny stood up dumping her on the floor. "Sorry babe, you just don't have the right equipment to get me off."

She gazed up at him with a big smile. "You may be queer, honey, but you're welcome to come back for a repeat performance anytime."

Johnny grinned at her as he slipped his shirt on and tucked it in. "You never know. I just may do that."

Johnny left her apartment feeling very conflicted. Marilou donned a sheer negligee and stood in the doorway watching him get into his car. Neither one paid any attention to the little beat up Mazda as it passed.

Tim was feeling depressed when he got off duty. He slowly drove down the street toward his apartment. He couldn't believe it when he drove past Johnny's turquoise and white '56 Chevy. Johnny didn't even notice him. Tim looked at the blonde standing in the doorway of the apartment Johnny had obviously just come out of. She had a happy satisfied expression. Tears blurred his vision as he thought, 'I hope he found what he was looking for. It obviously wasn't me.'

He crawled into bed and stared at the ceiling wishing for what might have been. He eventually, in the wee hours, fell asleep and slept right through his first class the next morning. He didn't go to the rest of his classes and only got cleaned up and dressed when it was time to go to work.

Johnny went home to his cold empty condo that looked like no one had ever lived there. He slumped into a club chair and stared into the unlit faux fireplace. He felt satisfied that Marilou had got her jollies, but he still felt empty and unsatisfied himself. He eventually fell asleep to wake up a few hours later with a crick in his neck and a weird twinge in his lower back. He wandered into the bathroom, stared into the mirror and didn't like the person he saw staring back. He growled at his image, turned the shower on as hot as he could stand it and let the spray beat the stiffness out of his neck and back.

When he got to the station Paul looked at him. "Damn, what happened to you? You look like a truck ran over you and then someone roasted you for half an hour."

Johnny grimaced. "In just that sequence. Please, just let me stew in my own juices without any questions. I don't like myself very well today and I just might take it out on you."

Paul barked out a short laugh and spread his arms. "Hey, Buddy, have at it, if it'll make you feel any better."

Johnny just growled and went to find some strong coffee.

By noon Johnny was feeling a little better. He'd decided that he should go apologize to Tim. Around three he broke down and told Paul about the fiasco he'd made of dinner last night. Paul listened sympathetically, shook his head when Johnny finished and said, "You're an idiot, Johnny. Stop fighting yourself and be who you are. And for Christ's sake stop hiding behind skirts."

As soon as he was off duty, Johnny headed over to the Tower and parked just out of sight of the front window. If he could've figured out what to say to Tim, he'd have gone in to talk to him. He was certain that Tim wouldn't make it easy on him. He watched Dave walk up the concourse, cross the street and enter the Tower foyer. From where he sat he could see Dave talking, but he couldn't see Tim at the desk. Soon Dave disappeared and Johnny watched Tim walk out the door, cross the driveway and just stand staring at him. After a couple of minutes Tim turned and went back inside.

An hour later Tim repeated his actions. Johnny wanted to slide down in the seat and hide. Instead he froze and stared back at Tim. When Tim turned and walked back inside Johnny let go of the breath he hadn't even realized he'd been holding. He felt enervated. Resting his head back, he dozed off, only to jerk awake a little later. He looked at his watch. It was twenty of eight. He got out of his car and stretched. If he was going to talk to Tim, he was just going to have to ad lib, because he couldn't think of anything that he thought Tim would want to hear.... that he'd be willing to say.

After crossing the street he hesitated at the edge of the portico. 'I'll just go in and apologize and tell him we need to talk. Surely, he'll go for that. But what will we talk about? He's going to want me to say I'm queer. I don't know if I can do that. But after last night I must be. Hell, the only time I could get hard with that broad was when I thought about Tim. Maybe I should tell him about that.'

At that moment he saw Tim through the window as he walked toward the door. Johnny stepped back against the building. Tim walked out to the far edge of the drive and Johnny followed him. When Tim saw that Johnny wasn't in the car, he turned around and walked right into him. He automatically wrapped his arms around Johnny to keep him from falling backwards. As soon as Johnny recovered his balance Tim let go of him and just stared at him. Johnny nervously chuckled. "That felt so good...your arms around me."

Tim just balefully stared at him, and then asked, "Are you stalking me now, Detective?"

"Why would you think that?"

"You have been sitting in your car for nearly four hours. Why are you here?"

"I'm here to apologize, and to tell you I did just what you suggested last night. It didn't work. I couldn't get it up without thinking about you. I couldn't fuck her."

"So why was she looking so satisfied when you left her?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Johnny, I live just up the street. It was ten minutes after I got off work that you were getting into your car as I drove by. The woman was standing in her doorway looking Very...Freshly...Fucked."

"You saw her, huh?"

"Yup, I saw her."

"I swear she had about ten orgasms before she gave in and collapsed."

Disgusted, Tim pushed Johnny out of his way as he headed inside. "Get the fuck out of here. I do not want to hear about your conquests."

"Tim, I didn't fuck her." Johnny caught Tim's arm and stopped him. "I told you I couldn't get it up without thinking about you." Tim shook his hand off, but didn't turn away. "She got real bitchy and started beating on me and calling me a faggot and a queer. I threatened her and she laughed at me. So I turned her over my knee and spanked her. She got all hot and bothered by that. She started masturbating while I spanked her. Man I've never seen a woman cum like she did."

Tim turned away from Johnny and grasped the door handle. "TMI." He turned back and stared Johnny in the eyes "You know....you are just plain weird."

"Tim? Please. I need you. You've got to help me get my head straighten out."

"Why me? And what about what I need? Huh? Johnny, I don't need a closeted police detective stalking me."

"Please, don't turn your back on me. Tim, I'm begging you to give me a chance."

Tim studied Johnny and shook his head. Johnny was sure he was just going to tell him to fuck off. "I've had a hard time resisting you, Johnny. I'll tell you what. I get off at eleven. Tomorrow is Saturday and I don't have any classes. We can go somewhere and talk. But just talk. Okay?"

"Sure, Tim. That would be great. I'll pick you up at eleven."

Tim watched him walk back across the street to his car. He wondered if there really was any future with Johnny. He began to feel that he had been pushed too fast, and now he was on a Downhill Racer with no shoes on, and the only way to stop was to veer into the curb. He berated himself for giving in so easily. There was no concentrating on his books, so he just stared out the door until eleven.

At eleven his replacement came in and relieved him. Tim hung around and idly chatted while waiting for Johnny to show. At eleven-thirty he gave up and headed home. He sat in his car and stared at the apartment building; the emptiness growing in his chest. Off in the distance he heard a siren, but thought nothing of it. He'd really thought that Johnny was coming to terms with himself earlier. Well, he should have known not to involve himself with someone that didn't know on which side of the fence he belonged.

A great sadness enveloped him. He opened his car door and got out, leaving his books on the passenger seat. He stumbled up the walk. He heard Johnny's car rumble up the street and come to a screeching stop, and then a car door slammed. He heard Johnny call him. He ignored it and continued toward his apartment. Johnny grabbed his arm, and spun him around.

"I'm sorry I'm late. I stopped into the station and got caught up in an arrest they'd just made. I used my siren to run the stops getting back to the Tower, but you had left. Come on, let's go to my place."

Tim was tired of resisting. He let himself be led to Johnny's car. Johnny opened the passenger door and Tim slid in. Both men were silent during the fifteen minute ride across town. Johnny lived in a new development that spread over many acres. Until two years ago it had still been arable farmland. Now rolling lawns and parkways separated the numerous townhouse units. Johnny's place was a two story unit that faced one of several pools.

"I don't need this much room," Johnny said as he opened the door. "Hell, I'm hardly ever here, but it was a good investment." Tim stepped in and looked around the vaulted livingroom, think how un-lived in it looked. He felt Johnny standing beside him and turned. They stared into each others eyes.

"God, you're beautiful, Tim. It's so hard to keep my hands off of you."

Tim's eyes closed as Johnny's hands cupped his face. Soft firm lips grazed his. Tim's hands took on a life of their own as they felt, caressed and kneaded every part of Johnny's anatomy that he could reach. .He may have been a virgin, but when it came to foreplay he was an expert. As his arousal grew he became more and more aggressive. They were two alpha males fighting for dominance. Their rutting, more and more, took on the looks of a wrestling match.'So much for talking,' he thought as he surrendered to Johnny's probing tongue.

Johnny finally broke away, breathing hard. "Goddamn, Tim, you may be more than I bargained for."

He leaned against the wall trying to even his breathing. Tim was bent forward with his hands on his knees. Johnny pushed off of the wall and wrapped Tim in a head lock. Tim pushed up until his face was level with Johnny's and locked lips with him again. Johnny twisted his head away after a couple of minutes and said, "Come on. Let's take this to the bed."

Tim just nodded, he breathing hard too hard to verbalize. When they entered the bedroom Tim started unbuckling his belt.

"No, I get to do that," Johnny said, pushing Tim's hands away. Tim grabbed Johnny's belt and started undoing it as he leaned in and started kissing him again. Trying to undress each other wasn't working. Tim broke away and started unbuttoning his own shirt. Johnny yanked his Polo shirt over his head. As they both bared their hairy chests they stopped and stared.

"You are so beautiful, Tim."

"And you're gorgeous, Johnny," Tim said grinning. His wry sense of humor never turned off.

"I'll give you gorgeous. Get those damned clothes off and get on the bed." Johnny had kicked off his shoes and was pulling his pants off, taking his boxers and socks with them. Tim balanced on one foot as he tried to untie his brogans. He'd had to pull his pants back up to do it, and he was hopping around trying to keep his balance. Johnny pushed him over onto the bed and did it himself, all the while muttering about how some people were just so slow. Tim lay back and watched as he rubbed himself.

"Get your hands off of that, it's mine." Johnny growled as he crawled between Tim's legs and buried his face in his manhood. Johnny had always enjoyed the scent of a woman, but that scent had never exploded in his brain like Tim's masculine scent was doing. Tim's was driving him mad with desire. "Damn, you smell good," he muttered.

Tim's cock throbbed against Johnny's cheek. He pulled back and studied it. He opened his mouth and engulfed it. When it hit the back of his throat he gagged and pulled off of it.

"You're going too fast, Johnny. Come lay on top of me." Tim pulled him up and started kissing him again.

Centuries, maybe eons later as they lay face to face, glued together by their emissions, Johnny caressed Tim's face and kissed him on the nose. Tim's eyes were closed, he just smiled contentedly, Johnny had said that he loved him. Whether it had been said in the heat of passion or if he really meant it; he wasn't about to analyze it right now.

"You know that was the first time since I was a teenager that I've cum without at least manual stimulation."

Tim Chuckled. "Didn't you think that rubbing you cock up against mine in all that lubricated hair was better than any hand job?"

"You know it was. I've never cum so much, nor with such force."

He rolled onto his back. Tim rolled with him ending up plastered against his side, his head on Johnny's shoulder.

"It was fantastic," Tim murmured. "Does it get any better than this?"

"If it does it just may kill me," Johnny said as he let out a huge sigh.

"Johnny, next time I want you to fuck me. And then I want to do it to you."

Tim felt an immediate tenseness in Johnny's body and a laxness in his arms. He raised up on an elbow and looked at him. Johnny turned his head away.

"What is it?"

Johnny rolled away and set up.

"That's queer stuff. I can't do that."

In bewilderment, Tim sat up, too. "And what we just did. All the passionate kissing, rubbing our cocks together, sucking on each other's cocks and balls. That's queer stuff? You even said you love me."

Johnny didn't answer. Tim stared at Johnny's hunched backside for several moments.

"So what you're saying is that I'm a queer for wanting to get more intimate with you? And.... and you're just a regular guy getting his rocks off with his.... buddy?"

"Something like that," Johnny mumbled as he crawled off the bed and shuffled into the bathroom, closing the door.

Tim heard the lock click. It was like a knife twisting in his gut. He stared at the door for a couple of minutes trying to digest what had just occurred. He had just been used by a fucked-in-the-head, queer, closet case cop that thought he could be straight. He slid off the bed, grabbed his shorts, wiped the cum off his torso and tossed them into the middle of the bed, then dressed and left, slamming the bedroom door and then the front door as he passed though them. He didn't know whether he was more disgusted with himself for falling for that s.o.b. cop, or with Johnny for duping him.

Johnny stared at himself in the bathroom mirror as he ran his fingertips though the cum on his chest and belly. His thoughts were in a turmoil. He'd just walked away from the man with whom he had just shared the most fantastic sex he'd ever experienced. What was it that had made it so wonderful? Not that it was with another man. It was wonderful because it had been Tim. And it wasn't just fulfilling his lust for Tim, it was......... he still couldn't make himself say it. He'd daydreamed about being inside Tim and even imagined what it would be like to let Tim inside of him. So why had he jumped and run? Why couldn't he just admit the truth to himself, be a man and face the facts.

Johnny stared into his own eyes reflected in the bathroom mirror and thought, 'You love, Tim. You are a homo, Johnny, so stop making a big deal out of it and get out there and apologize for being such a stupid jerk. And for Christ's sake tell him you love him. Come on, be a man for once and stop hiding behind your stupid macho image.'

At that same moment, he heard the bedroom door slam. He froze. Tim was leaving. Then he heard the front door slam. Tim had walked out on him. He grabbed the doorknob, turned it and yanked. The door wouldn't open. He used two hands and then realized the door was locked. He'd locked Tim out. No wonder he had left.

"God, what a stupid jackass you can be, Johnny!" He screamed out loud. Dressing as fast as he could, leaving off his underwear and socks, he was out the door and into the street yelling for Tim, who was no where in sight. Johnny jumped into his car and sped up the street toward the main avenue through town, towards the university. As soon as he turned onto the avenue he slowed, searching both sides of the street. How could Tim have disappeared so fast?

When Johnny got to the university, thinking Tim might have found a taxi, he went to Tim's apartment and banged on the door. He got no answer. Turning back the way he had come, he continued searching. Still he didn't find him. He returned to Tim's and banged on the door again, calling his name. The neighbor across the way opened his door and informed Johnny that Tim hadn't been in all night.

"I've got insomnia so I read most of the night. I hate TV. I always hear when Tim gets home. He hasn't come home tonight."

Johnny handed the man a card with his cell phone number circled. "When he comes in would you call me at this number? It's important that I speak to him as soon as possible."

The man looked at it. "Police Detective. Tim's in trouble?"

"No, he's not in trouble. I just need to talk to him. It's really important. I'll be waiting for your call."

"Sure, I'll call you."

"Thanks."

The man watched Johnny walk back toward his car and then closed his door. Rehashing how he had fucked up, Johnny slid into his car and collapsed over the steering wheel.

Tim was angry, frustrated, confused and clearly not thinking coherently as he left Johnny's. He strode off up the street cursing himself and Johnny. He should have known that he was just being used, and that the jerk would do or say anything to get into his pants. He figured he was lucky that Johnny hadn't tried to screw him, being as dumb and naive as he was, because he would have definitely let him.

Just as he turned the corner onto the avenue he heard the rumble of Johnny's souped up '56 Chevy. He stepped into the doorway of a shop where he couldn't be seen and let Johnny pass..

His thoughts tumbled around in his head until he wanted to scream out in frustration as he strode up the street. There was no way he wanted to see Johnny again. There was no way he'd be tricked like that a second time. All of his dreams of finding the right man had come true for a moment and then the bubble had burst throwing him back into reality. He relived the past couple of hours, his cock growing hard in his trousers. With no underwear the friction was nearly unbearable. He reached in and adjusted himself so he could walk more comfortably. He cursed Johnny for being so damned sexy that just the thought of him gave him a hardon.

He heard a car approaching from behind. It definitely wasn't Johnny's souped up Chevy, so he just kept on walking. It slowed next to him. He ignored it as his heart started to race. He knew how to take care of himself. He was a big guy, few people would mess with him, but still...

"Tim." He heard a man's voice call out. He'd heard that voice before, but couldn't put a face to it. He looked into the car rolling along beside him. He recognized the driver and immediately saw red. He turned and continued walking.

The car stopped. Tim heard the door slam shut and then running footsteps.

"Tim. Stop."

Suddenly there was a hand on his arm. He flung it off and turned on the man.

"The son of a bitch called out the police force, huh? You can't arrest me. I haven't broken any laws."

He turned and started to walk away.

"Tim. Stop."

"Look, Detective Hansen, if you've got a charge, make it, and I'll submit to arrest. But it will be a hot day in hell before I speak to your partner again."

Paul grinned wondering if Tim was at all aware of the Freudian slip, that he'd just admitted that he'd be willing to talk to Johnny. He had a tough time not chuckling. "First lover's quarrel, huh?"

"There was no quarrel. He so much as told me that I was a faggot and he was straight. And that was after we'd cum all over each other. So he can go straight to hell. The fucked-up hypocrite."

"T.M.I. Come on, let me give you a ride home, Tim."

"Did Johnny call you?"

"No, I was just heading home from a date and recognized you."

"You're not lying to me, are you?"

'Honest, Tim. I haven't talked to Johnny since about five-thirty yesterday evening. Let me take you home. It's nearly two in the morning. Even a big guy like you shouldn't be out on the street."

Tim relented and got into the car. He stared straight ahead as Paul put the car in gear and headed up the avenue. Paul kept glancing at him, then finally breaking the silence he asked, "Wanna talk about it?"

Staring straight in front of him, Tim shook his head. After a couple more minutes of silence Paul started talking.

"I've known Johnny all his life. Joe and I were best buds and Johnny was the little brother I never had. He's had a tough time coming to terms with himself. For a long time after Joe came out to his family Johnny wouldn't talk to him. It was like he doubled his efforts to be straight, dating a new girl every week. I don't believe he ever really got close with any of them. He never seemed to date any of them more than three times. I have never known him to get serious about any woman.

The day he met you, I knew that he was going to have to face up to himself. He is really head over heels in love with you, Tim. I hope you feel the same way about him, because he really needs you, Boy. He's just got to do some adjusting of his mind set and accept what he is. You're going to have to be patient with him. Be there for him, Tim, he loves you and he needs you. In the long run you won't be sorry. He really is the best."

When Paul didn't continue talking, Tim turned to him and said, "He locked the bathroom door."

Paul thought a minute before commenting. "Well, he's running scared. The things he's feeling right now are new to him. They're scary. I don't think he was so much locking you out as he was trying to lock himself in. He'll come around. He'll unlock the door and let himself out. Just be patient with him. Remember, Tim, he may be older than you, but you're the well-adjusted adult here. You know what I mean?"

Tim reluctantly nodded.

"Here's where I let you out. And there's Johnny's car. You better get him inside before he gets a stiff neck sleeping like that. And remember what I said, Tim. Be patient with him, he's worth it."

"So how'd you get to be so smart in matters like this?" Tim asked as he opened the car door. Paul shrugged.

"I believe love's the same on both sides of the street. Good luck, Tim."

"One more question. How did you know where I live?"

Paul raised his eyebrows. "Do you think I'd let my best friend get involved like this without knowing all about you? By the way, your friend, Frankie, said to tell you he's sorry he punched you in the face. It was just a knee jerk reaction. He wants you to call him."

Tim just froze halfway out of the car. He stared at Paul. 'Frankie wants me to be call?' Before he could ask how Paul knew this, Paul said, "Go on. Johnny's going to get a crick in his neck."

His best friend, whom he thought was alienated from him forever, wanted him to call.... it didn't really matter how Paul had learned this. As he closed the door. He ducked down and looked back in at Paul. "Thanks. Friend."

"You're most welcome, Tim. And you got that right.... Friend." Paul grinned at him.

Tim looked down into Johnny's car. Johnny's head was wedged between the door and the edge of the seat back. It pulled at Tim's heart to see the tear streaks on his handsome face. He tapped on the window. Johnny stirred, but didn't awaken. He tapped again and Johnny's eyes opened. He looked up at Tim and quickly sat up wiping his face as he rolled down his window. Paul quickly put his car in gear and drove away. Johnny recognized the sleek black Chevy and smiled to himself and then glanced at Tim.

"Hey, Tim."

Even in the dim light Tim could see the look of adoration in Johnny's eyes. It was hard to let go of his anger, but he forced it away.

"Come on inside. My bed is a lot more comfortable than your car."

He reached through the window and tousled Johnny's short hair.

As Tim fumbled with his keys, Johnny leaned against the wall still half asleep. The man across the way opened his door and peeked out.

"Oh, 'hi', Tim. I was going to tell you there is a police detective looking for you, but it looks like he found you."

"Yeah, Mike. Thank you."

"You're not in trouble are you?"

"No, at least not with the law."

He had the door open, gathering Johnny through it. He smiled at Mike and said good night, closing the door behind himself. He led Johnny into the bedroom and started undressing him.

"I can do this," Johnny mumbled, pushing Tim's fingers away from the button.

Tim pushed Johnny's hands away. "Hold still. I've got it." He undid the button and pulled the shirt over Johnny's head. "Whew. You smell."

Johnny grinned. "And you don't?"

"Sit." Tim pushed him backwards onto the bed. He grabbed the bottom of his pant legs and pulled them off, along with his shoes. He was surprised that he wasn't wearing any underwear or socks. He pulled the covers back.

"Get in. It's going to be a tight fit, but we'll make do."

As Johnny crawled under the covers Tim stripped off his clothes. He sniffed his underarm and shrugged as he turned out the light and slipped in behind Johnny. He wrapped his arms around the man as he cuddled against his back, kissing the nape of his neck.

"Tim, I'm sorry...."

"Shut up and go to sleep. We'll talk tomorrow."

Even though he was exhausted, it took Tim a long time to fall asleep. He listened to Johnny sigh and rubbed his chest to quiet him. Slowly his breathing evened out and he gently snored. Some time after that Tim followed him into slumber.

Waking with a hard cock wedged between his legs was a new sensation for Tim. With his normal morning woody it only made it harder. After listening to Johnny's even breathing for a few moments he decided that he was still asleep. He didn't need to pee bad enough to wake him, so he just lay there enjoying the sensations. Then his nose itched; he had to move Johnny's arm to get his hand up to rub it.

Johnny groaned and thrust his hips against Tim's butt, his cock hit the back of Tim's scrotum. At the same time Johnny's hand slid down Tim's belly and wrapped around his cock. Tim went into overload and filled Johnny's hand with his load. His loud moan as he shot and the arching of his back brought Johnny into full consciousness.

As he realized what had just happened, Johnny started chuckling. "You young sex pig. You can't get enough of me so you use me in my sleep."He wiped his hand down Tim's chest.

Tim rolled off the bed and stood up; his fury from the previous evening returning in full force. "Fuck you, John Paolini. Whose hard cock was thrusting between my legs? Who was humping who in their sleep? And who in hell had their hand wrapped around my cock? Call me what you want, but you're not even man enough to admit that you're just as queer as I am. I've got to go pee."

He stormed into the bathroom and released the flood gates. Johnny jumped off the bed and followed him. He wrapped his arms around Tim and whispered in his ear. "I was teasing you, Babe, I didn't mean to make you angry."

Tim ignored him until he had finished and had shaken off the last drops. That gave him time enough to calm down before he turned in Johnny's arms and looked him in the eyes.

"I love you, Tim. Forgive me."

Tim's heart did a flip at hearing Johnny say he loved him, but he was determined that Johnny was going to get his ass completely out of his damned closet before he gave in to his own feeling towards the man. "I know you love me, Johnny. But you're still going to have to say what I need to hear. You locked the bathroom door last night."

"I'm sorry, Tim, I didn't even realize that I had locked the door until I tried to get out. I'm sorry."

"I accept your apology, but it won't really mean a thing until you say what you need to say out loud."

Tears ran down Johnny's face. He dropped his head to Tim's chest. He held tightly to him as Tim embraced him in return.

"Say it, Johnny. You wouldn't be here if you didn't want to, so go ahead and say it."

There was no movement from Johnny for several moments, he'd even stopped breathing. When he finally raised his head and sucked in a huge amount of air, he looked Tim in the eyes. "Tim, I am as much a queer as you are. I want to feel you pounding deep inside of me. I want you to fuck my ass raw. I want you to ram your cock so deep in me that I can taste it." He gulped and blinked. "And then I want to do the same to you."

Tim grinned. "Damn, you're really verbose once you get started. That wasn't so hard to say now was it?"

Johnny shuddered. "You'll never know how difficult it was. It would have been a lot easier just to go ahead and do it. But I love you, Tim. There's not much that I wouldn't do for you."

"That wasn't for me, Johnny. It was all for you," Tim whispered as he pulled him in for a kiss.