Before I begin this chapter I'd like to thank Ben for all his input on medical and hospital stuff in the last and next few chapters and another thanks to Piet and again Ben for their input on lawyerly attitudes. And as always a big huge thanks to Rock for his tireless editing, J

---

Luke

After we left the hospital and headed home, I could tell that Matt had drawn in on himself. Riding down the freeway on a motorcycle is no place to have a conversation, so I just hugged him tightly and waited to get home.

As we parked the bikes in the garage, Farr and John were quiet, too. I knew it had to be about Patrick lying in the hospital in a coma, but I didn't quite understand the whole thing. Patrick had been such a pompous ass that I kind of figured he was where he belonged.

When we went in the house, Matt headed up to our room, so I followed him. He dropped his jacket on a chair, unlaced his boots and toed them off, flopped on the bed with his hands behind his head and stared at the ceiling. I took my jacket off, sat down beside him and placed a hand on his chest. He glanced at me with a loving half smile. I pinched his nipple and he winced, but continued to stare off into space.

"You gonna tell me what's going on in your head?"

He glanced at me again and sighed. I quietly waited. He eventually sighed again before saying, "You know - I really don't like the man, but I feel like I'm kind of responsible for where he is now. He was so angry and frustrated when he left Pete and Dan's - I'm sure that's why he lost control of his car."

"You don't know that was the reason. He may have been driving too fast and had a blowout, or maybe he was stupid enough to be texting. So don't go beating up on yourself. As far as his being angry and frustrated … hell, Matt, if he was a decent human being like his brothers, he'd have been repentant and really apologized for what he did and said to you, but then again, he wouldn't have done it to begin with. He's an ass, Matt, that's a fact."

"Hey, Babe," he said, pulling up to lie on his chest while he rubbed my back, "I agree with you. That's why I treated him like I did. He doesn't respect me, so how can he expect me to respect him? Still … I feel kind of responsible, you know?"

"Well if it's really bothering you, why don't you talk to John and Farr - get their perspectives."

"I think I will, as soon as I get some lovin'."

Looking into his handsome face, I thought, 'Damn, I love Matt so much. It's not fair to him to not give him expressions of my love. I'm just going to have to close out the memories of my past and do it.'

I sat up and pulled his tee shirt up, exposing his big fleshy nipples. He grinned at me as I leaned forward and tongued his left one. He groaned when I nipped it with my teeth. His hands came down and landed on the back of my head, urging me to do more. I let go of his nipple, bucked my head against his hand and sat up. "Put your hands back behind your head and keep them there," I commanded.

His eyes widened and he grinned as he complied. I went back to his nipples and slowly worked my way down to his navel. I'd never paid any attention to it before. I stuck my tongue in it. He made a funny little noise as his firm belly bounced. I sat back and grinned at him. He had a serious look. "Please don't stop."

I ducked back down and poked my tongue in his inny again, getting the same response. I was getting so aroused trailing my tongue down the line of fine hair that disappeared into the top of his pants that I'd come to the point where I had to do something. I'd kept my mind closed to doing it for so long that I wondered if I could. With determination, I sat back and undid his belt buckle, then unbuttoned his 501s. "Raise your butt," I commanded. When he did, I pulled down his underwear along with his jeans. I slid off the end of the bed, grabbed the bottoms of his pants and pulled them off.

He was watching me closely. I was sure he didn't know what to expect since I hadn't done this kind of thing to him before - taken control. My need to please him - to pleasure him - drove all thoughts of anything past out of my mind as I licked my way up his strong hairy legs. When my nose touched his balls, I breathed in deeply and wondered why I had denied myself this heady pleasure until now. God, he smelled so wonderful. I felt like I could cum just sniffing him. Never having touched him except with my hands, I licked his sack and he pushed his body up, begging for more… so I opened my mouth and sucked one in. It was so big all I could do was run my tongue over it. But that was enough to make him whimper and call out my name.

His reaction made me feel more urgent. I had to have his cock in my mouth. I'd been forced to learn to open my throat when I lived on the streets, but I refused to think about those times. I crawled around to Matt's side where I could take his big rod straight down my throat.

"Oh my God, Luke," he yelled, "what are you doing?". His hands were back on my head, on my shoulders - rubbing -massaging - loving me. I pulled almost all the way off and sank it back in, then I began to swallow, caressing his cock with my throat muscles. He came and came and came. And I swallowed it all like the pro I once had been - and filled my briefs.

As his cock softened, I let it slide out of my mouth. I became aware of the cooling wet mess in my pants, and everything crashed. All those bastards who had used me were in my head laughing at me, telling me what a little slut I was. I slid off the bed and curled up, covering my head, trying to block them out.

Matt

It took me a bit to get my head together as I came down from the most fantastic thing that I'd ever experienced. As I became conscious of my surroundings, I realized that Luke had disappeared. I sat up and called out his name, then I heard a whimper and peered over the side of the bed to see him curled into a tight ball with his arms covering his head. I slid to the floor and gathered my wonderful little lover to my chest.

"What is it?" I asked. "What's wrong, Babe?"

"Please don't hate me. I'm just a slut. I belong on the street."

He started struggling, so I let go of him. "I don't deserve you or any of this life that John and Farr have given me. I should just disappear."

"What the fuck are you talking about? I don't understand what you're saying. You're one of the most special people in the world. I love you, Luke. What you just gave me was so wonderful."

He disappeared into his closet and came out clutching a grungy old back pack. I stood there like an idiot in my socks with my tee shirt up around my pecs, my wet dick dangling - not comprehending what he was up to. Then it hit me. He was packing clothes into the pack.

I scrambled into my jeans, grabbed him around his waist and carried him downstairs, yelling for John. Luke was squirming, pushing away from me and bawling. John met me at the bottom of the stairs with Farr right behind him. He took Luke in his arms and cuddled him like a baby while making soothing shushings. "What's wrong, Luke? What happened?"

Luke burrowed his head in John's chest while Farr and I looked helpless. John looked at me, and asked again, "What happened?"

I put my hand on Luke's head. He tried to burrow deeper. "May I tell them, Babe?"

Luke blubbered, then said, "You might as well. They'll know soon enough anyway."

John looked at me expectantly. I could feel my face turning bright red. Farr took hold of John's arm, "Come, sit down," he said, and led him into the living room. John sat in the middle of the sofa with Farr on one side and me on the other - both of us caressing Luke. John kissed the top of his head, looked at me and said, "Okay, go ahead and tell us what happened."

Still flushed with embarrassment, I started telling them about our conversation and then stumbling over my words, I told them how Luke had pulled my pants off and given me a blowjob. Luke all the while kept his head buried against John's chest. "He'd never done that before. I do him all the time, but he's only jacked me off." I could feel my face flush again.

Farr, always the one to get to the heart of the matter, asked me, "How did you feel about it?"

"It was the most wonderful experience I've ever had. I thought we'd made a big breakthrough, but when he finished, he slid to the floor and curled into a ball. I tried to tell him how much I liked it, but he started saying that he was just a slut and didn't deserve the life you've given him … that he didn't deserve me. I was dumbfounded. It took a couple of minutes for me to realize that he was stuffing clothes into a back pack … that he was going to leave. That's when I grabbed him up and yelled for you. He can't leave, I love him."

"So you've sucked him off?" Farr asked, reiterating what I'd just told him.

I nodded. "All the time … but that's as far as we've gone."

Luke had stopped blubbering and was sniffling. John continued to hold him snuggly and gently rock him. Farr caressed the back of Luke's head. "Luke, Sweety, do you think that Matt's a slut?"

I looked at him sharply. He winked at me.

Luke's voice was muffled as he said, "No."

"So if he sucks your cock all the time and you do it just once, why does that make you a slut?"

Luke kind of shrugged.

"John and I do it to each other all the time. Does that make us sluts?"

Again a muffled, "No."

"So why are you one?"

For a minute there was no response, just an occasional sniffle. Then Luke raised his head and fisted his eyes. "I guess I'm not."

Farr's voice was stern when he took Luke's face between his hands and forced him to look at him. "There is no guessing, Luke. You definitely are not a slut. Tell me that you are not a slut… say it."

Luke stared at Farr for several seconds before he haltingly said, "I'm… not… a slut."

"Say it again and mean it."

I guess Luke was really thinking about it. He slowly straightened up and looked Farr in his eyes and said, "I am not a slut." I could hear the conviction in his voice. But Farr wasn't quite through with Luke.

"It is perfectly okay for you to give Matt a blowjob anytime you want to." Farr grinned at him. "Well, as long as Matt wants you to, too." Luke's smile was tenuous, but at least he was smiling. Damn, Farr is so good.

Farr

Ah, the trials of fatherhood. Who woulda thought I'd ever be telling my son - my adopted son - that it's okay to suck his boyfriend's cock. John was quietly holding Luke, grinning at me with a slight headshake of disbelief. Matt's eyes were ready to pop out of his head. "Hey, we're all gay, so get over it," I growled at them as I watched Luke come around.

A thought occurred to me at that point. If Luke reacted like that giving Matt head, what would his reaction be to Matt wanting to penetrate him anally?

I silently prayed that they'd never attempt it unless they decided to become life partners. That way it would always be something very special for them to share.

John

Farr constantly amazes me the way he meets life head on. It just bowled me over the way he handled Luke's reaction to giving in to his desire to show Matt how he felt about him. I'd have pussyfooted around and probably not accomplished a damned thing. In just a few minutes after Matt had scared the shit out of us yelling for help while Luke was wailing like the end of the world was upon him, Farr had gotten right to the heart of the matter, straightened out Luke's thinking and had our boys headed back upstairs with Matt asking Luke to teach him how to deep throat, so he could show Luke how fantastic it felt. Go figure.

After Farr's direct approach in straightening Luke out, and the two had headed back upstairs, I sat at the kitchen table thinking. Luke had been with us almost two years now. We've been sending him to a psychiatrist, and yet he'd still had this bad reaction to just sucking off Matt. It reminded me of what a lot of my buddies went through when they came back from Iraq. I wondered if we should find an expert on PTSD. God knows how traumatic it had to have been for the little guy trying to survive on the streets. It would have been difficult for an adult to go through the horrors that Luke did. Luke survived it, but was still dealing with the trauma. We had to get him the professional help he needed.

When I hit Farr with the idea of getting a PTSD expert to help Luke get past the trauma of trying to survive on the streets, he immediately Googled to see what he could find on the subject, then spent the next couple of hours reading. We decided to talk it over with Luke in the morning.

Luke

Talk about a day of highs and lows. I felt like my world had crashed when the 'guilties' hit me and knocked me down after the intoxicating high from giving Matt head for the first time. I was seriously thinking that the best thing would be to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge. I wasn't ready for Matt's reaction when he grabbed me up like a rag doll and hauled me down to Farr and John.

There is no comfort in the world like having John hold me. Matt holding me is wonderful, but John is my daddy. His hugs are in a class by themselves. Then there's Farr. He's my no bullshit daddy. No matter what my problem, Farr can get right to the heart of it and straighten it out. The way he handles my fucked up thinking is nothing but mind boggling.

I could hardly believe that I was headed back upstairs eager to teach Matt how to deep throat, I didn't have the least idea of how to explain to him how to do it. It had been forced upon me … learn to do it or suffocate. My friend that I'd lived with briefly in Hollywood had explained how he relaxed his throat muscles and just let it slide in, but when it came to the reality of having a big fat cock hitting the back of my throat, none of what he said worked. Physical force had. The man had literally pushed his cock down my throat, past my gag reflex while threatening to beat the shit out of me if I puked on him. The threat and force worked. I never gagged on another cock. How was I ever going to explain that to Matt?

But first, I felt I needed to talk to him about my reaction earlier. When I did, Matt just blew it off, saying he understood what was going on in my head. We talked for a long time about what those men did to me. In all the time I'd been seeing the shrink, I'd always been detached talking about it. With Matt it was different - personal. I really got into what I felt. Matt cried as much as I did while I talked it all out. I wondered why I hadn't done this before. I guess I just hadn't been ready. When I'd gotten it all out of my system, I knew what I wanted and needed to do.

Matt

I wasn't sure what to expect when Luke got up and firmly closed our bedroom door. I stood there waiting for him to tell me. He stood facing the door for a second, then turned around and grinned at me. "I love you, Matt."

I slid off the bed and walked over to him, took him in my arms, and just held him. "You know I love you, Luke. I'm so glad that you finally opened up to me. Now you can forget about it all, and concentrate on our future."

"I like that - our future," he said, and grinned as he unbuttoned my jeans and instructed me to lose them and lay down in the middle of the bed. I did. He shucked out of his clothes and went into the bathroom telling me to relax, he'd be back in a minute. Several minutes later he came back out, being shy and demure - nothing like the bossy boy who went into the bathroom.

I watched him crawl up the bed and settle between my spread legs. Starting on my inner thigh, he kissed and licked his way up to my balls. I've constantly felt remorse for the life that Luke led before Farr and John saved him, but in the next hour I became very appreciative of what he'd learned on the streets - in other men's beds. At one point, he had me on all fours with my butt up in the air while he licked and bit me. I never dreamed that I'd be begging him to fuck me. I'd never even considered anyone doing that to me, although I've long had a dream of someday being inside Luke.

He had his face buried in my furrow, his tongue embedded in my hole, and all I wanted was more of him in me. When I begged for his cock, he replied, "Some other time."

He had me back on my back sitting astride my legs while licking my stiff stick like a lollypop. I thought he was going to swallow me again, but he instructed me to hold my rod straight up while he stood astride my hips and slowly sat down, impaling himself on my cock. I'd never dreamed it would be so good, so hot, tight and mind consuming.

He laid forward and relaxed on my chest. "I always hated doing this before. But, God, Matt, you feel so good in me. I don't ever want to let you go. Roll us over and fuck me."

I did. I don't know where I found the control, but I was determined I wasn't going to climax until Luke did. And when he did, I thought I'd simply die it felt so wonderful. I wondered if it was possible to stay embedded in my baby forever.

A few minutes later, after we'd recovered, Luke was lying on my chest again.

"Did you really enjoy that, Babe?" I asked.

He sat up with tears in his eyes. "I… I never felt anything like it, Matt. Those men who used me never cared whether I liked it or not. One or two of them managed to make me cum while they fucked me, but it was for their own enjoyment. You weren't fucking me for your own enjoyment - you were loving me. It was so totally different. I love you, Matt."

"Oh, Luke, I love you. Thank you for trusting me enough to show your love for me like you just did."

Luke was quiet for a moment, then in a quiet voice I could barely hear, he said, "We need to thank Farr."

Luke

When I'd recovered and returned to earth, Matt blew me away telling me it was my turn to make love to him. I'd never allowed myself to think of doing that. I know I come off as cocky and confident most of the time. A lot of it is just blustering cover up.

"Are you sure?" I asked. "I mean … I'm so small and you're so big."

Matt grinned at me. "Hey, you're almost as big as I am where it matters." He squeezed my cock to make his point.

"Okay," I said, "but I've never done this before."

"Luke, I'd never done it before either. Just go with what you think will feel good."

"That sure worked."

He laid spread eagle across the bed, grinning at me. "So what are you waiting for?"

I spent a long time driving Matt out of his mind. I love playing with his big nipples. I swear they're connected directly to his big cock.

"I think it will be a lot easier for you if you get on your hands and knees, Matt," I suggested, after spending a long time on his scrotum and what I'd heard someone refer to as one's taint.

He rolled over and stuck his big beautiful butt up again. I'd often admired it, but before today I'd never done more than run a hand over it. I kissed each big globe and then trailed my finger from his tailbone down to his puckered hole.

Then … I just had to follow with my tongue. I gave no thought to what I was doing , but the noises from Matt said that I was doing it right. When my tongue touched his hole, he gasped and I almost came. I sat back and took a deep breath, trying to control myself. I'd never even touched his hole before I'd buried my face in it earlier and here I was doing it again. I discovered that my man loves hole play.

I dived back in, burying my face between his cheeks, I poked my tongue as deep as it would go. Matt pushed back with lots of groaning and gasping. Then I started using my fingers. That got him going even more. I stretched him- like I wished some of the men in the past would have done me. No! I won't think about that anymore, besides it doesn't have anything to do with now.

He was so relaxed I could have stuck my whole hand in and he'd have been begging for more, but he brought me back to the moment when he groaned, "You gotta fuck me Luke. Stick your cock in me now."

Matt must have felt me hesitate. He smiled and urged me on. I had him all lathered up with spit, so I spit on my cock and touched it to his hole. "Stick it in, Luke. Stop playing around." He pushed backwards, almost knocking me over, and suddenly I was inside him. We both yelled, and a moment later the door flew open. John and Farr, both naked, stood there a moment gaping before apologizing and pulling the door closed.

Matt started laughing. It got me over my shock and I laughed with him. The sensations it was causing down below brought us back to the seriousness of the moment.

"Back off for a moment, Babe," Matt said.

I pulled out of him, wondering what he was up to. He rolled over and pulled his legs up and said, "Now do me while I watch you."

It was a whole nuther trip doing it face to face with me on top. Well, given our size difference, I wasn't exactly on top, but with Matt on his back I was nudging his nut constantly, and suddenly he shot his load up his belly and chest, which caused me to explode inside him.

I collapsed on top of him and he pulled me up so we were face to face and we kissed like we never had before.

"I love you, Luke," he whispered to me.

"I love you, Matt," I responded, knowing that we had purged my past. I wished that this could have happened when I first met Matt. It would have saved my dads a lot of money. But at least it had finally happened.

Farr

Awaking to yells coming from the boys' room, I glanced at the bed side clock as John and I fell out of bed on the run. It was just after two. Their bedroom door was closed, but without a thought I threw it open to see Luke between Matt's upraised legs. I caught on to what was happening faster than John, and pulled the door closed with an apology for interrupting their privacy. I took his hand and led him back to our bed.

"Is that what we look like when you're topping?" John asked.

I grinned at the memory of seeing out little son banging away on his big lover's rear. I nodded. "Most likely."

As we crawled back into bed, John pulled me tightly against his big body. "What do you think of getting some big mirrors so I can see you from that angle? That was so hot."

"Are you perving on our boys, Love?" I asked.

"No. I'm just imagining what it would be like to watch your cute butt as you fuck me."

It must have been really turning him on; I could feel his big rod nudging my rear end.

* * *

The whole thing of dealing with his PTSD became moot the next morning when Luke and Matt came down to breakfast.

John set his cup down when they entered the kitchen and just stared at them, then said, "Farr, I think our research last night is not going to be needed."

It was then that I took notice of their expressions. I've often heard the expression 'freshly fucked look,' but didn't know the look until I saw their radiant faces. I raised an eyebrow and Matt turned a bright red, but Luke just grinned like Alice's Cheshire. They gingerly sat down and Luke stated that they were both starved.

"Now why would you be starved?" I asked.

Matt ducked his head while Luke looked from John to me and then back to John. "I've read that doing it as an expression of love is so much more wonderful than doing it for fun. And doing it for fun is a hell a lot better than doing it to survive."

John blinked and cleared his throat. I sat down.

"So this means … what?"

Luke looked at Matt, and Matt's returned look was so full of love for our boy that I got a lump in my throat just watching. Matt looked at me, then at John and said, "As you saw, I'm not a virgin any longer." I didn't think it was possible, but he turned a brighter shade of red.

"And I got past my hang ups about my past," Luke added. "We talked a long time about what I went through. Telling Matt was more cleansing than all the hours I talked to the shrink." He paused lost in thought, then said, "I always hated having to let those men do it to me. It was nothing like what Matt did last night. Matt made love to me." His eyes filled with tears as he looked again at each of us, then let his eyes rest on Matt.

Matt forgot about blushing as he gazed at Luke. As I watched, I glanced at John and saw the same expression in his eyes as Matt had for Luke. I had to push away the urge to grab John's hand and take him back to the bedroom.