Matt

Don't ask me what I expected to accomplish by heading out like I did. I was just running scared and not really thinking. I suppose one major thing that it did was make everyone aware of what was going on. I'm still not convinced that anything positive would have happened if I'd gone to John or GP like Luke suggested. One thing I know now is that if it came right down to it, anyone of the Bailey's would take me in. I've grown up a lot in the last few days. I still have a hard time believing I talked to my mother the way I did. I guess she realized, too, that I'm growing up.

Farr told me that Patrick is seeking psychiatric help. That, along with him making amends with me should be enough for Mom to take him back. I know she is angry with him, but I suspect that she's just as angry with herself. She's always been an efficient person taking care of every little detail. I guess involvement with Patrick made her slip up.

She used to come home and share all the good things that happened during her day and want to know all of mine. I suppose that as I became a teenager I began to slip away from all that and started making my own life, but still, something as important as her engagement should have been something for her to share with me. Later, after I gave her my speech, I realized that even then she didn't apologize for the neglect. I'm beginning to think that maybe she and Patrick deserve each other.

On the whole, I think Patrick might be a decent guy despite being a lawyer and a closet case. I mean he must have something good about him if my mom loves him. And all his brothers seem to love him even though they're angry at him. Maybe this shrink can fix his thinking.

Luke

When I walked in on a phone conversation and heard Farr say, "Everything's set. Stop worrying, he doesn't suspect anything," pushy teenager that I am, I asked, "Who doesn't suspect anything?"

I could see that he was thinking fast. "Uh, Matt. We're setting up this weekend for him… to show him that we all love him and will protect him."

I mentally grinned and thought, 'Right, Matt appears to have been right on when he told his mom what was going to happen.' But I said, "Oh, that's cool," and headed up to my room, anticipating how it was going to happen. Patrick might fool everyone else by making apologies to Matt, but I've caught the way he covertly looks at him - like he'd like to rape him. I suspect that he's so deep in his closet that turning on Matt was the only way he could deal with it. I've also seen the disdainful looks I get when he thinks no one is looking. He's an asshole.

Farr

Friday evening we headed down to Gilroy on our bikes. Dad still rides on the back of Rich's big ol' Harley - says it's a lot more fun to have his legs squeezing Rich's butt than a metal gas tank. He's got a good point.

Pat (GP)

Riding behind Rich with my head encased in a helmet, I felt like I was alone in my own private world. We have transistorized mikes and earphones, but when we're flying down the freeway at 65mph I turn mine down to minimize the wind static. With nothing to do but hang on to Rich, I let my mind wander free. I ended up thinking about Farr's conversation with Paddy.

When Luke told me what Paddy had done to Matt, I'd been outraged -furious. Had his acceptance of us - his brothers, me, John and Rich and all our friends just been a front? Had it taken a sixteen year-old boy to bring out his phobia?

Then when Farr confronted him and he more or less admitted his attraction to Matt, I could see how he could react the way he did. Paddy had always been so straight. I suspect that he never even went through the experimenting stage with other boys as he entered puberty. And to discover at the age of thirty-nine that he was attracted to a sixteen year-old boy had to have been shattering.

I'd never approved of his choice of careers. I've never met a lawyer I thought was completely honest. But I'd always withheld judgment on Paddy, until Farr told us of his confrontation. Now I can see that his thinking is as warped as most other lawyers. I've often gotten the feeling that he thinks that since he's a lawyer, he's better than Farr, his two farmer brothers and me. I almost hate to see him get back together with Matt's mother. But then, Carla, who is a head nurse in a hospital, can't be all that naïve and innocent.

Matt is one of the sweetest, gentlest boys I've known. God knows my brood was rambunctious at his age, and especially Dan and Pete. I repeatedly prayed as we sped toward Gilroy that we were doing the right thing.

Matt

It's so much fun getting out on the open road with Luke and his dads. I like the way they keep changing the lead. Rich, I guess, isn't as nervy as the rest of us. He's happy to just bring up the rear all the way.

John had gotten us these little headsets so we can all talk to each other. They're so cool; you don't have to press any buttons or anything. The only thing is there is no privacy. If I say anything to Luke everyone on our frequency can hear.

At one point, Luke said, "Hey, Matt."

I responded with "Yeah?"

"Just wanted to say I love you, Babe."

I reached down and patted his leg, but didn't say anything back 'cause I knew that everyone could hear. John pulled up beside me and I glanced at him. He had a big grin on his face. "Lukey loves you, Matt, aren't you going to respond?"

"I don't have to tell the world. He knows how I feel about him."

I guess I came across as angry because there was no conversation the rest of the way down. I wish I could ride without having my head confined inside the helmet my mom insisted I use. No one can see my face with this plastic shield. As soon as I stopped on the driveway, I pulled my helmet off and apologized to John and to Luke, and explained that anyone on that wave length could have heard, and that there's a lot of homophobes out there. John nodded his agreement and apologized in return.

Dan and Pete came out and jovially greeted us. It was good to see my two favorite uncles again.

Luke

You've heard the expression 'nervous as a hen when a fox comes snooping'? Well, that's how all the adults were acting as soon as we were all sitting around the pool. Matt ignored it for the most part, until I asked him if he'd noticed how they were acting.

He smiled and whispered, "I think they're expecting Patrick. I don't know why they haven't talked to me about it. You heard what I told Mom."

"Aren't you the least bit scared?"

He laughed, "You're kidding. With six mother hens to protect me?"

I grinned. "Yeah, foolish question."

John walked over and sat on the edge of the pool and put a friendly arm around Matt's shoulders. "How're ya doin', Buddy?"

Matt grinned at him. "John, have you noticed that there's a big elephant in the pool?"

I laughed out loud at Dad's nonplussed expression. "What're you talkin' about, Matt?"

"Well, we're all sitting around nervously waiting for Patrick to show up. And none of you know how I'm going to react. Right?"

Matt was talking loud enough for everyone to hear him. It was obvious that he'd hit the nail on the head when all six men turned red. He laughed, "Relax, I figured out days ago that this was what today is all about. I told Mom I'd accept his apology if he was even half way sincere, so relax and enjoy the day."

Didja ever feel like you're the only kid in a group of adults. Matt is a couple of months younger than me, but somewhere in the last week or so he entered adulthood, leaving me feeling left behind. I guess I was too young when I was put out on the street to grow up and assume responsibility for myself. I still feel like I've got a ways to go. I like the security that my dads give me. I'm not ready to leave the nest.

As I think about it, I suppose Matt really isn't either. He's got a couple more years before he'll be allowed to strike out on his own. Besides, we've still got at least four years of college before we're really independent.

Rich

When Patrick 'helloed' over the side gate, the tension in the back yard rose dramatically. Pete, the most gregarious of the Baileys, welcomed him and told him to come on in. If Patrick had thought to gain any points with his family, he lost them by the way he was dressed. We all knew that he'd been invited to this afternoon's 'casual' get together, yet he came dressed as though he'd just left the office - suit jacket slung over his shoulder, tie loosened, collar unbuttoned and sleeves rolled, and we were all shirtless and in swimwear. I noticed Farr shake his head with a look of disgust.

Patrick gave his father and two big brothers an 'A-frame' hug with exactly two pats each on the back. When he got to Farr he hesitated and Farr jumped on him - feet first. "You are a dumbfuck, Patrick. You were told this would be a casual backyard barbeque. Why in hell are you dressed like that?"

I glanced at Matt who still sat on the edge of the pool looking a bit apprehensive, but amused at Patrick's discomfort. John just nodded at Patrick, making no move to even shake his hand. From John's expression, Patrick knew he'd royally fucked up again, but he covered well by saying he'd just come from an unexpected meeting. "I've got clothes to change into, if I may."

He headed back to his car and returned with some casual clothes - no swimsuit - but everyone looked a bit mollified. After changing and getting a beer, he stood on the deck looking uncertain of what to do next. I found it amusing that he finally turned to Farr for direction.

"Why don't you simply walk over and ask Matt if you may talk to him? There's a couple of chairs over there under that tree. That would be a good place."

"It's not very private," Patrick objected. I'd heard of sparks flying from someone's eyes, but until I saw the look that Farr gave Patrick I hadn't really understood.

"That's as much as you get, Patrick. And if I even suspect that you ever attempt to see the boy without one of us, I'll turn you every way but loose."

John was right behind Farr glaring at Patrick. Patrick glanced at him, then at each of his brothers and dad. They each nodded their agreement with Farr. Patrick grimaced, shrugged, then walked around the pool to the two boys who sat there watching and listening.

He stopped about four feet from them, cleared his throat then said, pointing, "Matt, may I speak to you over there by the chairs?"

If it had been me with that commanding tone of voice I'd have told him to fuck off, but Matt just placidly nodded and followed him across the yard. Motioning at a chair, Patrick said, "Sit down."

Matt looked at him and shook his head. "I'll stand, thank you."

"Fine," Patrick said and sat down. This man is supposed to be a defense lawyer. By sitting, he'd just lost the upper hand.

Matt stood before him, hands stuck in the back of his swimsuit waist band. I could tell by the fleeting expression that passed over Patrick's face as he looked up at Matt that he realized his mistake. Before Patrick could speak, Matt asked, "What did you want to talk about?"

Patrick had his arms folded across his chest as he stared up at the boy. "I want to apologize. The way I treated you was abominable."

Matt nodded his head - once. They stared at each other, Matt waiting, Patrick apparently wondering what the boy was waiting for.

Finally Patrick said, "Well?"

Matt held his hands out from his sides. "Well, what? You said you want to apologize, I'm just waiting to hear you say it."

"You're a smart ass, Boy." Patrick growled.

"No, Sir, I'm not. You're the lawyer. You know the difference between wanting to do something and doing it. I'm simply politely waiting for you to do it."

I glanced at John and the Baileys. They were all trying to hide a smirk.

Patrick stood, forcing Matt to step back. We all tensed.

"Alright… I'm sorry for the things I said… and I'm sorry for hitting you."

Matt bobbed his head from side to side, as he said, "I told my mother that if I thought you were even partly convincing I'd accept your apology and forgive you, so that she could accept you back. Beats me why, but she seems to love you. Of course I added that if you two get married, I'm moving out. There's no way I trust you to keep your hands off me."

Patrick's countenance darkened. He turned away and stared up into the tree. "I tell you what. You accept the apology and I'll put you through four years of college."

Matt laughed. "That's no kind of bribe. Between my grandparents and being a G.I. dependant, my education is taken care of."

"So what do you suggest, Smartass?"

"Well, how about … ahh … saying in a sincere, heartfelt manner, 'I'm sorry, please forgive me.'"

Patrick stared disbelieving at Matt. Matt simply stared back - not giving an inch. We were all holding our breath wondering what was going to happen. Then Patrick dropped to his knees, clasped his hands to his chest and said, "I'm sorry, Matt. Please forgive me."

Matt laughed, "That wouldn't get you an Oscar, but I'll tell Mom you apologized and convinced me that you were sincere." He trotted towards the pool, but stopped and turned back towards Patrick who was still on his knees, looking anything but repentant. Murderous was more like it. "Oh, one other thing, Sir, there's no way I'll put up with anymore of your bullshit and if you ever try to hit me again you won't get up off the floor." He trotted over to Luke, picked him up and tossed him in the pool, then dove in after him. As the two boys frolicked, Patrick got to his feet, glared at us for a moment, walked over to where he'd left his suit, picked it up and walked towards the gate.

"Patrick," Farr called out.

Patrick stopped, but did not look back.

"You got what you asked for. Remember my promise to you… and we'll be getting a court order to make it legal. So stay away from the boy."

Patrick nodded once and walked out the gate.