Matt

They'd started to take their new pickup until it dawned on Dan that since I'm as big as the two of them, I'd be miserable riding in that little back seat- even having it all to myself. So, with my bike tied down in the back of Pete's restored ol' '58 Ford pickup, and with Dan insisting on riding shot gun after I'd teased him about sitting in the middle so he could keep a hand on Pete's thigh while he drove. We headed for 101, up to the City, with his hand firmly planted on my thigh just above my knee. I did my best to ignore it by looking out at the fields and pretending that it wasn't affecting me. But Dan made a point of teasing me more by looking at my growing bulge and smirking. Pete slapped Dan's hand and said, "Stop teasing the boy."

"He knows I'm only kidding with him. Don't you, Matt? You know I'd never touch you inappropriately."

I nodded, and he grabbed me around the neck and gave me a noogy. I couldn't help but blush.

Just before the freeway entrance, Pete pulled into an Arco station to gas up. While he put the gas in, Dan, with an arm around my neck, headed inside to get drinks and snacks. Heading back to the pickup, I let him get ahead of me and let him think he'd beat as he slid to the center of the bench seat. He made a point of smirking at me as he possessively caressed Pete's thigh. I just shook my head and grinned at him.

As I rode along not paying any attention to the conversation between them, I thought how lucky I was to have them as 'uncles.' Then I thought about Patrick. I hadn't told Luke the whole truth - the full conversation that had led up to Patrick threatening me and punching me in the stomach. I hadn't told him about the way Patrick looked at me as he demeaned me with his foul nasty words. After waking me up to say those things to me, I could see that the things he accused me of wanting to do to him were really what he wanted to do to me.

Then the afternoon he caught me at home while Mom was at work, I accused him of it and threatened to tell Mom about it if he didn't leave me alone. That was when he hit me. I'd learned enough in my martial arts classes to protect myself. He'd surprised me with the first punch, but when he'd tried to hit me again, he ended up on his back on the floor. That had surprised him and I got the feeling that he thought I was capable of more, because he scrambled to his feet and made his threat before leaving.

I mulled over my first impressions of him before he met my mom, he'd seemed to be as cool as Farr and these two men I now thought of as 'uncles.' He'd seemed perfectly accepting of his three gay brothers and all their gay friends. Now, it was hard to think of him being related to them despite his looks.

Mom was at Luke's awaiting our arrival along with Luke and John. I suppose I should have headed to her first, but one look at John and I was wrapped in his arms. I did my best to keep the tears back, but a few got through. I then hugged Mom and let her carry on for a bit before I dropped down and gathered my little man into my arms, begging his forgiveness. I knew he had from the way he hugged me back, but I knew I still had some penance to do. That was okay with me as long as he still loved me. When I asked where Farr was, I got a runaround at first, but then with Pete and Dan also wanting to know, John admitted that he was in San Jose talking to Patrick. I smiled to myself, imagining him in Patrick's face.

Mom wanted me to go home with her. She promised that Patrick would not be showing up. After she said that Luke could go with me, I relented and the two of us got in her car with her.

Farr

As I headed back home, I wondered if Matt had made up with Luke. I knew that Luke was quite serious under his jovial mask. God knows Matt's life was in enough of an uproar without Luke's tail being out of joint. Funny how I'd come to think of Matt as my son as much as I did Luke. I wondered if they would last as a couple.

My thoughts turned back to Patrick - the Patrick I knew before today's confrontation. Personally, I didn't like my oldest brother. He'd always acted superior to the rest of us - even to Dad. I'd always had a gut feeling that he was nice to me only because he had to be. I really don't think he liked Dan, Pete or me. I'd noticed that his demeanor toward Dad had changed after Mom's death. I wondered if any of my brothers had noticed it - or if Dad had.

When I pulled into the garage I was met with a big bear hug as I dismounted. After getting a big smooch, I asked John what the extra warm greeting was all about.

"Hey, I'm just happy that I didn't have to go down to San Jose and bail your ass out of jail for assaulting your brother."

"Well, I did go down there with that kinda in mind," I said with a grin. "Where's our boys?"

"They're over at Carla's. I'm sure they'll be back over here to sleep. Luke hates the twin beds in Matt's room."

"Good, let's get Dad and Rich over here."

"'Da Farm Boys' are still here. They're staying the night."

"That's great. That'll put all my birds in one bush."

John looked askance. "What does that mean?"

I thought a moment and shrugged. "I don't know, but it sounded good when I said it."

"Idjit. I love you, you know." He pulled me back into a hug with my face buried in his chest.

"Mmm hmm. And you know I love you right back."

"Mmm hmm," he mimicked.

John

It ended up us going over to Rich and Dad's for pizza and beer. Everyone kept pushing at Farr to tell about his visit with Patrick.

"Let's get the pizza eaten, then with us all sitting around the table I will reveal it all, verbatim."

"What do you mean verbatim? No way could you do that," Pete said.

"Can too. Be patient and listen." My little man was in his glory. He loved being the center of attention when with his family.

"Ohhh, you're just a smart ass, Franky."

"Don't know about the ass part, Petey, but the smart I can agree with." We all grinned knowing they both hated to be called those names.

Pete got a smarmy look on his face and said, "I rest my case."

Farr just raised an eyebrow and grinned at him.

Once the pizzas were consumed and the table cleared, everyone looked at Farr.

Farr cleared his throat. "First off, you all saw Paddy at Will's wedding. He looked jaunty, and for the most part happy. Today he looked like he's tired. He walked slumped shoulders - like he'd been beaten down. I personally think it was all put on. He is a lawyer after all.

"You know how good he is with words arguing a case, able to make nearly anything sound plausible. Today he was a basket case. At first, I thought it was all part of his act. He told me that he'd gotten up to pee in the middle of the night and saw Matt's door open and the light on, with Matt asleep, naked sprawled across his bed.

"I think he forgot himself for a moment as he described how beautiful he found Matt to be. Realizing what he'd let slip, he tried to make Matt responsible for his reactions to seeing him asleep without any clothes on. I have no doubt that my oldest brother harbors a few gay genes."

When I countered, pointing out that it was he who was responsible for his reactions, he finally capitulated. When he said that he regretted what he'd done, I scoffed at him and said the only reason that he felt any regret was because Carla had kicked him out. I told him that if he could admit to Matt why he'd treated him so badly, apologize and truly mean it, that I would help."

"Can Patrick admit this to Matt, and can Matt find that he can forgive him for what he's done?"

No one had an answer, but Rich suggested that a situation be set up where Patrick could talk privately to Matt in a controlled, monitored location.

"Our back yard would be a perfect place," Dan suggested.

"Do we clue Matt in?" I asked.

"No, he'd probably feel we'd ganged up on him," Rich responded.

"How about Luke?"

Farr let out a burst of laughter. "No way is there any way he could keep a secret from Matt. Besides, he'll still be angry at Patrick."

After another half hour of tossing around ideas, we settled on a plan.

On the way home, the thought occurred to me that no one had considered what Carla might think if she were aware of all the facts. I wondered if Patrick would end up telling her the whole truth, and if he did could she forgive him.

Matt

Once home, Mom asked Luke to watch TV in the den while she and I went into the living room and talked. She got all weepy and apologized over and over for not being there for me more. As I stood in front of the unlit fireplace half listening to her, I discovered her engagement ring in a little crystal bowl that had always sat on the mantle. Suddenly her words were hollow. I picked up the ring and held it toward her. "You still love him, don't you?"

I watched her blanch and then gather herself. She assumed the look I'd long ago classified as her nurse persona. She took the ring and dropped it back in the bowl, and turned on me. I glanced through the big double door into the den. Luke was watching us. I wondered if he could hear us. "Yes, I really do," I heard my mother answer.

I drew my attention back to her. "So, if I wasn't in the picture, you'd still be planning to marry him."

"Matt, you're my son. You come first. You know that."

I think that it was at that moment that I really started to cut her apron strings … become a man … and adult. So many things over the years became clear. I smiled at my mother and said, "Mom, that's no longer true. Be honest with me and yourself. If I came first, wouldn't you have asked me how I felt before you decided to make Patrick my stepfather? You never even told me you were engaged. I had to find it out by overhearing you tell Farr at my birthday party. You still haven't told me."

"Matt, I …"

"Hush, Mom. Your protest means nothing. I know you love me, but it's never been love like Dad loved me. Your work, your position as head nurse at the hospital is more important to you than me. And in all truth - it's clear that Patrick is, too."

"That's not true, Matt. I kicked him out when I learned what he'd done."

"But you kept his ring, and you'll take him back the moment he apologizes to me. And you know he will … the Bailey's will see to it that he does."

She sat - more like collapsed - into a big overstuffed armchair, looking everywhere but at me. "I - I don't know what to say."

"Then don't say anything. I want you to know, Mom, that I love you… and now I understand you, too. I no longer expect more from you than you can give. This is how I see things happening."

As I continued talking, it was more to myself than to her.

"Patrick is going to apologize. If he's even half sincere, I'll accept his apology. Really though, it won't matter how sincere he is. I won't be living under the same roof with him. I'll never think of him as my stepfather … no, he'll just be my mother's husband.

"I do have options. John loves me as his son … as much as he loves Luke. He hasn't said it, but the way he treats me shows that it's true. I suspect that Farr does, too. Pete and Dan wouldn't hesitate to ask me to live with them if they thought I needed a place. I do have options, Mom, so you don't have to worry about me."

Mom made a couple of feeble objections, but I repeated that I would not live under the same roof as Patrick, and that if I did move to John and Farr's she'd still get to see me nearly as often as she did now. She relented. Now, all I had to do was hope that John and Farr would invite me to live with them.

Luke

I sat where I could see into Carla's living room where she and Matt were talking. I turned the TV down so I could hear most of what they said. I was amazed at how Matt had grown up so much in the last couple of days. I watched him take control of the conversation, never raising his voice while he told his mother how things were going to change. Jeez, Carla's this Head Nurse and can be scary when she's in her mode. Yet I watched Matt take the air out of her sails, and she simply collapsed into a chair while Matt continued talking. My Matt wasn't any longer an over-sized little boy. My Matt was becoming a man.

When we left Carla's, we walked back to our house. No one was home and it didn't look like there was likely to be anyone fixing dinner. I called GP's, and John told us to just go out and get a hamburger.

Matt wanted to take a nap after we returned. He went to sleep almost as soon as his head touched his pillow. He's been on an emotional rollercoaster for days. I crawled out of bed and headed for the kitchen to get a snack. As often as I do this, it's surprising I'm not getting fat.

My dads had come home and were sitting at the kitchen table talking about Patrick. I stopped to listen. John was telling Farr that Carla was all torn up over the situation. She was feeling guilty for still loving Patrick after what he had done to Matt, and was wondering how to get him and her son to accept each other. She couldn't see them living in the same house.

They obviously hadn't talked to Carla since Matt had. I stepped into the room and cleared my throat, causing them to turn and look at me. Without apologizing, I said, "Why don't you let Matt completely move in with us? Half his clothes are here already. He spends more than half his time here anyway. "

They gave each other a knowing look and looked back at me. John held out an arm and I climbed onto his lap. I know … I'm sixteen and shouldn't be doing it, but what the hell. We both enjoy the affection, and there's not a damned thing wrong with it. Besides, Farr does it all the time.

Farr looked thoughtful, then asked, "What happens if you two breakup?"

"We won't. But even if we did, we'd always be friends, and you've got more than one empty bedroom upstairs."

Farr looked doubtful, but John squeezed me and said, "Let us talk about it and discuss it with Carla. Okay?"

I nodded. I'd done my part, if Matt wanted to tell them about his conversation with his mom that was his right - not mine. John rubbed his big hand over my ribs and commented. "They don't stick out like they used to."

"Thanks to you guys," I said, as I kissed his cheek and hugged his big arm before sliding off his lap to give Farr a hug and a kiss, too. "I'm hungry. Y'all want a snack?" I asked, as I headed for the fridge.

They both chuckled. "You're always hungry."

I found some cold chicken, picked out a thigh and grabbed a paper towel for a napkin before sitting at the table. They watched me consume the chicken with happy smiles on their faces. When I finished my snack, I disposed of the bone and used the towel; kissed them and got a hug from each, then headed to bed where I snuggled up against Matt, who never woke up as he wrapped an arm over me and pulled me tight. It was good to be loved and have so many people to love.