Luke

Ever since Will's wedding, Matt had been different. Something was bugging him. He seemsed to be distracted a lot. When I asked him what the problem was, he told me to just drop it - that he was okay and there was no problem.

I let it go for the moment, believing that he would eventually talk to me. It'd been nearly a month, and he'd still not said anything. It really bummed me out. My imagination can easily run amok imagining the worst of scenarios. The worst one was imagining that he'd found someone else and was afraid to tell me.

I finally called Tony and right out asked him if he'd seem Matt showing interest in anyone at school. I mean it had to be at school if he was, because most of the time he's with me when we're not in school. Tony assured me that he wasn't - and then he turned around and told Matt I had asked. I never dreamed that Tony would break my confidence like that, even though he was really Matt's friend more than mine.

When Matt came to the house after school the next afternoon, instead of hugging me, he just glared at me and said, "We need to talk," as he headed into the kitchen, sat down at the table, and motioned for me to sit.

My heart sank. I just knew this was the end. "Okay," I meekly responded.

"Luke, have I ever done anything to give you reason to distrust me?" he asked.

I shook my head before forcing out a little, "No."

"Then why did you ask Tony if I was seeing anyone at school?"

I dropped my head, more to gather my thoughts than out of shame. It only took me a moment to compose them since I'd been dwelling on the subject for a good while. I raised my head and looked Matt in his eyes and said, "Matt, I love you more than anyone else in the world with the exception of John and Farr, and my love for them is different than my love for you.

"Since Uncle Will's wedding you've been keeping something from me. When I asked, you put me off and told me not to worry about it. Well, I do worry about it, and with no hint of what's wrong, my imagination goes wild. If you're feeling hurt, maybe you should rectify the situation and tell me why you've become so distant recently."

I sat there not knowing how he was going to react. We'd never had a serious problem before. And even if it wasn't a serious problem, it could become one if we don't communicate and confide in each other.

His expression had gone from indignant to… I didn't know what. His head was down on his clinched fists. I watched his body shudder as he let out a big sigh.

"It's Patrick. Every time he gets me alone he says mean nasty things to me. He calls me an overgrown faggot. He threatened to send me to a military school soon as he's married to my mom. He says he doesn't want a momma's boy messing up his married life. When I threatened to tell Mom what he was saying, he punched me in the stomach and told me he'd see me dead first."

I was shaking my head, not wanting to believe what he was saying. I hardly knew Patrick, but he was Farr's brother. He couldn't be that terrible. Matt looked up at me. Seeing the disbelief in my expression, he stood and pulled his shirt up exposing a big discolored bruise just below his solar plexus.

"My God, Matt, we've got to tell John and Farr about this. They'll put a stop to it."

I'd moved around the table and had my arms around him. At that moment, I wished I was a big as John. I swear I'd have hunted Patrick down and beat the living shit out of him. But sadly I wasn't. I wasn't even as big as Farr, but that wasn't going to stop me from preventing Patrick from abusing Matt again.

"He said he'd kill me if I told anyone, and that his word as a well respected lawyer would be believed over a lowlife faggot's."

"You're not going back to your house, Matt. We'll wait right here until John comes home. He'll know what to do."

Matt sat back on his chair and stretched as he let out a big yawn. "It's been a couple of weeks since I got a good night's sleep. I never know when Patrick's going to come into my room and wake me up to say something mean and nasty to me. I'm almost afraid to close my eyes when I go to bed."

I felt helpless as I tried to comfort him by rubbing his back. "Why don't you go lie down until John and Farr get home? I'll watch over you."

"Lie down with me, Babe. I need to feel you against me."

We pulled our shoes off and covered up with a big fluffy comforter. "I love you, Luke. Always remember that," he whispered. In just a couple of minutes he was softly snoring. It felt so good to be snuggled up against him, my head on his bicep with his other arm around my chest holding me close. Even with my worries about him, I dozed off.

Matt

I had been thinking for days about doing this. And after Patrick hit me in the stomach and then threatened to kill me, I knew I had to leave. Sure, Mom would miss me, but at least I'd still be alive. Maybe after a year or two I could visit her covertly.

The thing that tore me up the most was having to leave my Luke. But if Patrick was crazy enough to attack me, it was conceivable that if I stuck around, he'd go after Luke, too. I had to leave. I had a plan for where I'd be safe.

Careful not to wake Luke, I slid off the bed. I had enough clothes here that I didn't have to go home to pack any. I pulled off my shirt to put on a heavier one since I'd be riding my bike in the cool night. I smelled it, recalling how Luke always likes to smell my clothes. He's told me that the scent makes him feel safe. I looked at him so sweetly sleeping -- my little angelic imp. I laid the shirt on the foot of the bed instead of putting in the hamper.

After gathering my toiletries and putting a couple of changes of clothes in a backpack, I watched Luke sleep for a moment, then softly kissed his rosy cheek, and with tear blurred vision I made my way downstairs. Passing through the kitchen, I grabbed a set of keys off the hook next to the door and left.

My heart hurt as I pushed my bike half a block down the street before I started it. I still had the onerous task of leaving a note for my mom, so I headed home.

As I wrote the note, I thought about Patrick. In many ways he was like his brothers, but he lacked the warm loving ways his brothers embraced the world. I could see why and how my mom fell in love with him, and I hoped that with me out of the way, she could find a lasting happiness with him.

I left the note on the kitchen table where Mom would be sure to find it. I glanced around memorizing the house I'd grown up in - that would have one day been mine - left my key on the note and pulled the door closed behind me.

As I headed south nearing San Jose, I had to pull off and wipe the tears from my eyes so I could see where I was going. The evening rush hour traffic was heavy but after I got past the downtown, it lightened up enough that I could speed up. I was on my way to a new life, one without Luke, and one I didn't really look forward to, but it was something I had to do.

Luke

I don't know how long I slept, but when I awoke I was alone. I stretched and called out Matt's name and got no answer. Tossing off the comforter, I slipped on my shoes and headed downstairs. Matt was nowhere to be found. His motorcycle was gone. Farr was just pulling into the drive as I called Matt's cell phone. It went immediately into message.

"I missed you when I woke up. Why didn't you wake me? Where are you? I love you." I said, leaving him a message.

Farr wrapped his arm around my neck and led me into the house. "You look like you're troubled, Luke. Anything I can help with?" he asked.

I let out a big sigh. "Can we wait until John gets home, Dad? That way I won't have to repeat my story."

"Sure. He should be along in a few minutes. I'm going to start dinner. You want to help me?"

"Yeah," I said, "but I need to run upstairs first."

I chewed a fingernail while I mulled over calling Grandpa Pat. Rich is a lawyer and works for CPS - he'd know how to handle Patrick. I called their number and listened to the phone ring five times. Just as I drew in a breath to start talking to their message system, GP said, "Hello."

"Grandpa, it's Luke."

"Luke, how's my grandson?"

"Grandpa, I need your help. I wonder if you and Rich could come over for dinner and let me explain then."

"Are you sure Farr and John are up to cooking for us?"

"Well… maybe we could all go out for dinner."

"Okay, let me talk to Rich, and you'd better check with Farr to see if they want to go along with your plan."

Plan? I didn't have a plan other than to repeat what Matt had told me. "Sure, Gramps. I'll call you right back."

I raced down to the kitchen. "Dad, I just invited Rich and Grandpa over for dinner."

Farr turned and looked at me like I'd grown another head, then said. "Okay, but I'd better change my menu and run down to Von's."

"Maybe we should go out to eat," I suggested.

"Oh, now you're inviting us out to dinner?" he asked with a big knowing grin.

I blushed at having the table turned on me. I had just assumed that one of the adults would pay. "Yeah, I've got enough money to do that."

Farr messed my hair and grinned. "Save your money, Son. I was just yanking your chain. I think going out to dinner is fine."

I gave him a quick hug. "Thanks, Dad. You're the best."

Spike leaped up on the counter as Farr grinned at me and said, "I'd swear I heard you tell John the same thing just yesterday."

He picked the cat up and handed him to me. I don't think anyone can make me turn red like Farr can. "Well, you're both my dads - and you're both the best." Spike squirmed in my arms and I lifted him onto my shoulder where he settled down, dangling his legs off each side of my neck.

Farr grabbed me around the head and kissed my forehead. "I'm so happy we found you, Luke. I love you, Son."

I hugged him back and Spike batted at him. It's not that often that Farr gets physical with me. It's John that's usually got his hands on me. But then he's just a giant huggy bear. I enjoy my moments with Farr. We're alike; not only in size, but in how we view the world. I guess because of our size that's only natural.

Holding onto Spike's legs I headed for the phone to call GP back. He told me that he and Rich would be over in about half an hour. I then called Matt again, and it again went straight into message. I closed my phone.

I was beginning to feel apprehensive. I pulled the cat off my neck and cuddled him like a baby. He lets no one handle him like that except me. Something was up with Matt - I just knew it. I kept hearing the last words he said to me, as I rubbed Spike's belly and wondered if there had been a message in them that I hadn't yet figured out.

We settled in a quiet corner at Home restaurant. After we'd ordered, the four adults looked at me expectantly. I grimaced. "Could we wait until we've eaten before I tell you?" They nodded and started visiting with each other as though nothing was out of the ordinary.

The table had been cleared of used dishes and the four men had ordered coffee. They all looked at me again as I sipped my Coke.

"It's time to tell us what's bothering you, Luke." John had placed a comforting hand on my neck and was massaging it with his thumb. That's always had a relaxing effect on me.

"Have you all noticed how Matt's been kind of dejected and reserved lately?" I asked.

They nodded in unison. I gulped. "He told me what's going on this afternoon. He didn't ask me not to repeat it. As I've thought about it, I think he wanted me to do what I'm doing - telling you what he told me.

"Since Uncle Patrick got engaged to his mom, he's been on Matt's case about being gay. He's abusive in what he says - calls him things like 'overgrown faggot.' He's threatening to send him off to a military school as soon as they get married. He wakes Matt up in the middle of the night to say abusive things to him.

"The worst though is that when Matt threatened to tell his mother, Patrick threatened to kill Matt and then he hit Matt really hard in the stomach. Matt has a big purple and yellow bruise there. He showed it to me."

No one had said a word as they all stared at me. GP cleared his throat, but before he could say anything my cell phone rang. I struggled to pull it out of my pants pocket and answered it, hoping it was Matt. It was his mother Carla. She sounded hysterical.

"Luke, have you seen Matt?" she screamed in my ear. I was sure everyone at the table could hear her. Before I could answer, she said, "He left a note saying that he's going away, so that Patrick and I can have a good life together. He didn't say where he was going."

When she finally ran down, I told her that Matt had been over right after school - that I'd fallen asleep, and he'd left without waking me.

"Did he say anything about leaving?"

"No, Ma'am. The only thing he said just before I dozed off was to remember that he loves me."

"Oh, God. I wonder where he's gone. Maybe he headed to San Diego to his grandparents."

John took the phone from me and said, "Carla, where is Patrick?" …… "So, he won't be home before ten. Are you up to driving?" …… "Then we'll meet you at our house in fifteen minutes. We'll help you figure out what to do then."

John closed my phone, handed it back to me and said, "It looks like our boy has run."

I heard GP say under his breath, "Dammit, I always felt that Paddy was holding in his feeling around his brothers." Rich rubbed his hand on GP's back and said something I couldn't hear. I figured he was consoling him.

"Well, we'd better be getting home and make some coffee. I've got a feeling this is going to be a long night," John said as he stretched, then dropped his hand onto the back of my neck. "Are you okay, Son?"

I nodded my head. I was feeling guilty. I should have known what was on Matt's mind when he told to always remember that he loved me. On the way home, I started getting angry. First, at Patrick for being a homophobic asshole, then at myself for… I don't know what - for being so useless, for not being there more for Matt. Maybe he wouldn't have run if I'd been quicker. Then I got angry at Matt. Dammit, he knew that he could have gone to John, if not GP, Rich or Farr. He knew he had a safe home with us. So, why did he abandon me?

Carla was standing on the front porch waiting for us when we drove up. She was still in her nurse's uniform. Her hair was mussed. She looked tired and very anxious. I was the first to reach her. She hugged me to her and asked if I had any idea where Matt may have gone. I silently shook my head and clung to her. She'd become a mother to me in the time I'd been with Matt. She greeted the four men and, after Farr unlocked the door, followed him into the living room along with the rest of us.

"I called Dad and Mom down in San Diego. They haven't heard from him, but said they'd call me if they did. Why would Matt just run off like that? I don't understand."

GP placed a comforting arm around her shoulders and ushered her to sit in the center of the sofa, then sat down beside her and took her hand. "Carla, I think you should hear what Matt told Luke this afternoon."

Farr had headed into the kitchen to put on a pot of coffee. John and Rich had taken the two arm chairs. I stood inside the doorway, again getting angrier by the moment - this time at Carla. In my mind, I rehashed Matt's birthday party and how she'd been oblivious to the fact that it was Matt's day while soaking up all the attention with her big diamond ring. Now she was all concerned about his disappearance. But then I knew I was being a little shit thinking that way. She'd had every right to be overjoyed the day she got engaged. I should be feeling sorry for her for getting involved with a closet homophobe who had forced Matt to run. I moved across the room and sat beside her.

I looked into her eyes and said, "Please, remember I'm only the messenger."

She took my hand and smiled at me. "Please tell me what Matt told you, Luke."

I repeated everything that Matt had told me. "I didn't want to believe that Uncle Patrick would say such things to him, much less hit him, but Matt pulled up his shirt and showed me the bruise. I swear Carla that his stomach was all yellow and green and purple."

She pulled my face to her breast and held me as she wept. I felt like shit for my earlier thoughts. After a while, she let go of me, stood and smoothed the front of her uniform. She looked at the four men who stood looking helpless. "I've got things I've got to take care of. Please, if any of you," she looked directly at me, "hear anything from my son, I beg you, call me immediately." She hugged me again, then got hugged by each of the men.

John accompanied her out to her car. GP stared after her. "I wish I'd known. But with three gay brothers and me, how can Patrick be homophobic?"

"I suppose that acquiring a gay stepson sent him over the edge," Rich commented.

"It's just a damned shame my oldest brother's not here right now," Farr muttered, "I'd damn well take him down a notch or two."

I wandered up the stairs to my room, missing Matt and wishing he'd call me.