---

Dad released me and stuck his hands back in his rear pockets, and we continued walking, his chin again resting on his chest. Eventually, he stopped and turned to face me. He let out a big sigh, raised his head and studied me for a moment before saying, "She told me that if she ever saw me again, she'd accuse me of molesting you and see that I spent the rest of my life in prison."

"The war was over. I was still in the army and had decided to make a career of it. I'd been home on leave for about a month when I got an assignment to ship out to occupied West Germany, and was I making arrangements for your mother and you to go with me.

"One afternoon we'd been downtown El Paso shopping and took in a matinee movie. One of her girlfriends was babysitting you. Everything seemed hunkadory. When we sat down to dinner later that evening, she announced that she wanted a divorce - that she didn't want to be married to a man with a wandering eye. I told her I didn't know what she was talking about, and she replied, "In the department store this afternoon, I saw you stripping that young girl with your eyes. You made me feel like I was nothing to you. I won't live like that. I want a divorce."

"I couldn't believe her, we'd just taken in a movie, she'd been cuddled up to me with my arm around her, kissing once in a while. I was so happy to back with her, then over a romantic dinner she laid that on me. No matter how much I protested my innocence and groveled, she was adamant.

"When I insisted on my rights to see you, she told me that if I tried, she'd accuse me of molesting you and would make sure I never got out of prison alive. She was acting erratic and crazy enough that I packed my bags and left that night."

He walked on, lost in his memories, while I attempted to digest what he'd just told me. Then he broke the silence, saying, "I suspected that she was already seeing your stepdad at that point, but with her crazy threat, I wasn't going to stick around and find out. I moved into the BOQ and left for Germany a week later. Jack, it tore my heart out to abandon you, but she gave me no choice. You do see that, don't you?"

I studied his face a moment and nodded. "I would've hightailed it too. I always wondered what happened. Mom would never talk about you or why you left. Gran gave me a story that you two just couldn't get along, but never any explanation of why you never came back to see me."

Dad turned to continue strolling. I walked quietly beside him, wondering what he was thinking. We reach the cattle guard at the edge of the highway and turned to head back. We'd walk maybe a hundred yards when I heard a pickup roll over the cattle guard. I motioned for Dad to join me at the side of the road. Dad Bowden pulled up and stopped. "Would you gentlemen like a ride up to the house?" He asked.

"Dad Bowden, I want you to meet my dad, Capt. John C. Pommel." Dad Bowden opened his door and got out with a big smile. As the two men shook hands, I said, "Dad, this is Sam Bowden, Sammy's dad."

They said the required niceties, and I could tell they took an instant liking to each other.

"So, you fellows want a ride?"

" Thanks, but we'll meet you back at the house in a few," I told him.

As he drove away, Dad asked, "Dad Bowden?"

"I've called him that since I first met Sammy when we started first grade."

We walked a ways, then Dad said, "I'm envious."

I didn't know what to say, so I said nothing - just smiled at him, and we continued walking in silence. It felt good to know that this big admirable man walking along side me was my father. I kept taking covert glances at him; he caught me a couple of times and just smiled.

"Oh," he eventually said, "FYI - your dad retired as a full colonel."

I grinned. "I've always heard you called Captain Pommel. I didn't know."

"There's a lot that we don't know about each other, Jack, and I hope we can rectify that."

I nodded and we walked on.

Eventually, he said, "Jack, you have four brothers. Do you have photos of them?"

"Of course. Gran has a gallery of 8X10 portraits of all us grand kids in her office."

"When we get back to the house, will you show them to me?"

"Sure. Gran's always ready to show off her grandkids."

When we entered the house, we could hear everybody in the kitchen. Hearing the screen door slam, Gran stuck her head around the door and said, "Come on in and join us. Soon as Jake gets home we'll be having dinner."

"I want to show Dad your picture gallery, then we'll come join you, Gran."

She smiled and I led Dad into Gran's office. Dad stepped up to the photo of me and stood there nodding his head. Pointing with his chin to the next photo, he asked, "What's your oldest brother's name?"

"Josh. Joshua Allen."

"The bitch," he muttered under his breath. His voice was bitter.

"What?"

Dad pulled out his wallet and flipped through several photos. He held up one with three men in it. He was one of them. The other two had a family strong resemblance. I studied them, then looked up at Josh's photo. I turned and looked at Dad for an explanation.

"They're my brothers."

I looked at the photo again, then at Josh's portrait. "Josh looks like them... kinda."

"My oldest brother's name is Josh," Dad pointed at one of the men in his photo. "He's Cass' dad."

"Cass didn't tell me that. Allen is my stepdad's name. They call him Al."

Dad nodded. "What do you call him?"

"I got quite a few wallops as a child because I refused to call him daddy. I addressed him as 'Sir' when I had to, until I graduated from high school. I've never addressed him by any name since."

"Jeezus! And your mother allowed him to whip you?"

"It's over and done with, Dad."

He just shook his head, put his wallet away, and stared at Josh's photo. His eyes were all watery.

As I stood there beside him, I wondered how Mom had convinced my stepdad that Josh was his. If I recalled correctly, it was close to two years after the divorce that he married Mom, yet Josh was born less than a year later, and she'd named him after my stepfather. In my mind that meant that Mom was seeing him before Dad came back from the war.

I wondered what my stepfather would think and do if he found out that Mom had screwed him over, too. I supposed that the SOB would disown Josh if he ever found out. But then I wondered if he knew all along and had shown love for Josh just to put me down.

I could hear Gran in my head telling me once when I'd asked why my stepfather hated me. "It's my fault, Jack. When you were around six - soon after y'all had moved down here to the ranch, I told him that you looked just like your dad."

I guess she'd learned her lesson. She obviously never told him that Josh looked like my dad's brothers.

I then wondered if Josh should be told who his biological father is. I then considered how I would feel if I were him. Would I want to know?

I heard Jake's voice out in the kitchen and then a moment later Gran came into the room. She stopped and stared at Dad's back a moment as he stared at the two photos, then glanced at me. She knew... I could tell that she knew and I was momentarily angry, but then realized she'd kept it to herself for Josh's protection.

"I think that if I were my grandson, I'd want to know who my real father is," she said.

Dad turned around and shook his head. "But he'd want to know why I disappeared before he was even born."

Gran looked at me - I knew she could see the consternation on my face, then she looked back at Dad. "I get the feeling that there's more to this story than I've been told."

Dad and I nodded in unison.

"Well, it will keep better than our evening meal. Come, let's eat." She turned and walked out of the room. Dad put his arm around my shoulder and we followed.

Dinner was, to say the least, interesting. Of course everybody was curious. Dad and DB were getting acquainted... Sammy was still in protective mode, fearful that I would be hurt by my dad's sudden appearance... Gran was preoccupied with wondering what Mom had done to chase him away... Jake was delighted that I had a dad of my own... and J.C. decided that it was my lap's turn to be sat on so he could eat from my plate. I figured that somehow dad's being here triggered some little insecurity in the boy and this was just his way of laying claim to me, because he's usually happy to sit on Sammy's lap.

It was amusing sitting between Sammy and Dad. Since I was sitting on my dad's left, he rested that arm on the back of my chair and would intermittently squeeze my neck or shoulder, while Sammy kept laying down his fork to squeeze my thigh. At one point J.C. whispered to me, "I think Daddy really likes touching your leg." His dad blushed and kissed the kid's cheek.

When dinner was finished, Dad Bowden stood and excused himself, saying he had some paperwork that had to be tended to, then headed upstairs to his suite of rooms.

Gran turned to Jake and asked if he'd clean up while we had a private conference in her study. Jake's a grand young man. He has his occasional bouts of teen rebelliousness, but overall, he's quite mature for his age. Sammy suggested to J.C. that he help Jake. Jake grinned at the boy and made a game out of it.

Gran turned to Sammy and said, "Maybe, you should excuse us, this is…"

I stepped in immediately. "Sammy's my partner, Gran, which makes him family." I was surprised that she hadn't fully grasped that. Dad reinforced me by grabbing Sammy, putting an arm affectionately around his neck, and ushering him into Gran's office.

After Dad had repeated the story he'd told me, Gran sat silently, shaking her head. At one point she muttered, "I thought I knew my oldest daughter."

When dad had finished, Sammy looked at me and said, "I always wondered about your mother's coolness towards you, Jack. You know, I don't think I've ever seen her hug you. Not like she hugs your brothers."

I could only nod in agreement as Dad sadly shook his head.

"I tell you, at the moment I feel like putting them both off the Pecos ranch. I never even dreamed…" Gran ran out of steam and sighed.

We were all lost in our own thoughts. I broke the silence by saying, "It's all in the past. We need to put it behind us and as trite as the saying is - 'live for today'." I turned to Dad. "I wish you didn't live so far away. I'd like to spend a lot of time with you - get to know you, and for that matter, the rest of your family."

Dad grinned. "They're your family, too, Jack. And we're only an hour apart by air. That's not so bad."

"By air? Are you telling me you flew up here?"

"Yes, I fly a Piper Cherokee. It holds four. I'd be happy to come pick you fellows up any time you want to come down." He looked at Sammy, then at Gran. He grinned. "Adie, I didn't mean to call you a fellow, but you know you're most welcome to come visit anytime."

"How long are you staying, John?" Gran asked. I hadn't slowed down long enough to wonder.

"I need to head home Sunday afternoon."

Before anyone could reply, the door burst open and a little bundle of energy blew in. He landed between Dad's legs looking up at him. "Is it true what Josh says, you're my granddaddy, too?"

Dad looked like he was going to bust out laughing... or maybe bawling. He looked at Sammy, who was looking a bit bewildered, then at me. I'm sure I looked the same. Dad picked up the little boy and held him with one arm under his butt. J.C. had an arm around Dad's neck and a hand on his cheek as Dad asked, "Do you want me to be your granddaddy?"

"Yes, because Daddy Jack's my other daddy and you're his daddy, so you gotta be my other granddaddy."

Dad looked at Sammy again, who now was grinning and nodding his head. Dad looked back at J.C. with a happy big smile, "Well, I guess I am then."

J.C. twisted around to find Jake, who was standing in the door grinning like Alice's Cheshire. "You were right, Jake." He turned back and kissed Dad's cheek, saying, "I like you."

Gran laughed. "Welcome back into the family, John. Looks like you've been adopted."

* * *

After we'd all retired for the night, I lay on my back with Sammy's upper arm and leg over me, his head resting on my shoulder. I had my arm around him and my other hand on top of his on my chest. I felt so secure in the position. Sammy's gentle even breathing said he was asleep, while I lay awake staring at the dark ceiling.

Before I could feel settled again, I knew I was going to have to have a private confrontation with my mother. I'd always assumed that she loved me, although I always knew that Gran loved me a lot more. Now at twenty-eight years old, I wondered if Mom'd ever really loved me at all. Had she just abided me all these years? As I compared her treatment of me and my younger brothers, I realized that it really was true. She'd always shown more affection for my three younger brothers than she had for me... Josh, well he was different the way he related to Mom... independent, not needing the affection she showed our younger brothers. As I thought about it I realized Josh'd been that way with our stepfather, too. Maybe that's why the man showed him affection.

I decided that Monday morning I'd head back over to Pecos and have it out with Mom. I had to know if there was a viable reason for what she'd done - how she'd treated me... us. I kept telling myself that there had to be.

Out of the blue, I remembered one time when I was about fourteen, she thought I should be punished for something. Since I was innocent, I refused to lie over her lap when she told me to. It only made Mom more determined that I should be punished. She ended up chasing me around the dining room table. I'd ended up crawling under it and scooting from one side to the other as she tried to get hold of me.

She finally collapsed in a chair, laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation. "If you had any respect for me, you'd obey me and lay over my lap for a spanking," she gasped.

"Mom," I replied, "if I thought I deserved one I would."

"Well, I'm your mother and I think you should be punished, I'll have Al do it when he gets home."

I don't remember what it was I'd done, but my stepfather thought it was funny, especially when she'd told him how she'd chased me around the table. To appease her, he took me into the bedroom and closed the door. I've never figured out what got into the man that day. It seemed that he'd always jumped at a chance to punish me. But in a low voice he told me that he wanted me to yelp every time he slapped his thigh.

I did what he told me, because I knew he'd for sure whip me if I didn't. I lost even more respect for the man that day. That was one of the many bitter childhood memories I had locked away and tried to forget.

* * *

I was a bit groggy when I wandered into the kitchen seeking some hot coffee the next morning. Even though it was Saturday, on the ranch we all get up at dawn. As I entered the kitchen, I glanced at the drain board and saw that the milking pails were gone. That meant that Jake was already up and out. Dad and Gran were sitting at the kitchen table. I took the pot over and offered them refills before filling two mugs. As I set the pot back on the stove Sammy came in looking wide awake, took his mug and kissed my cheek before sitting down across from Gran. I sat across from Dad, intent on my steaming mug, but aware that Dad and Gran were watching me.

"Looks like someone didn't get much sleep," Gran said.

I glanced at her, then looked at Dad. "Too much to think about."

"Sorry to lay so much on you yesterday, Jack."

"No other way it could've been done, Dad." I smiled at him, then turned to Gran. "I know my birth certificate shows Dad as my father. What does Josh's show?"

"I have no idea. I'd always assumed that it shows Allen as his dad."

"But Josh was born several months before he married Mom. So if it does, that means Mom had him convinced that he was Josh's father and that he was conceived before they got married."

"I believe all those documents are still locked in a drawer in my office. All you boys' birth certificates are." She scooted her chair back and stood. "You've got my curiosity up. Let's go find out."

We all grabbed our mugs and followed Gran across the house to her office. She opened her center desk drawer and pulled out a ring of keys, selected one and opened a two drawer file cabinet that was used as a lamp table at the end of the sofa. She knelt and started digging through files and pulled one out.

Riffling through the file, she pulled out a birth certificate. As she studied it, she muttered to herself, "I wonder how she ever hid this from Allen."

She handed it to Dad. He looked it over and kind of half smirked to himself as he passed it to me. Sammy was craning his neck to see who the paper indicated Josh's father was. Dad looked up at me and said, "I wonder if your stepfather has always known this."

"I'm wondering if Josh knows this, and if he does, why hasn't he ever mentioned it to me? And while I'm wondering things, how did Cass not see how much Josh looks like his uncles and mention it to me?"

Dad put a gentle hand on my shoulder, saying, "He did see it, Son. He told me he didn't want to stir up a hornet's nest by telling you. That's why I asked to see a photo of Josh."

I don't understand why this was leaving me feeling so defeated. All this time Josh has been my full brother and I didn't know it. Withdrawing, I wandered over and sat in an old armchair in the corner. As I thought about it, I decided that the only thing to do was confront Josh. Monahans is just over an hour's drive on country back roads. I easily could drive over there and back today. Making the decisions to go, I stood and headed over to Sammy.

"I'm going to take Dad over to meet Josh," I quietly told him.

"Want me to go with you?"

"Would you mind if it was just Dad and me? We'll be back this evening."

"No... go. I'll see you when you get back."

I kissed him on his nose, then wondered if they all saw me do that. I'm not into PDA, so I know I turned red.

Then Jacy had to yell in his gruff little boy voice. "Daddy Jack kissed my daddy. The only thing I could think to do was pick him up hold him above my head and say, "That's 'cause I love him just like I love you." I lowered him and kissed his forehead. Everyone was grinning and I just grinned back.

"Hey, Dad, would you like to take a drive up to meet Josh?" I asked.

Gran looked at me like I'd lost my mind. "Are you sure that's a good idea, Jack?"

I smiled. "Gran, I've been wanting yesterday for over twenty years. If Josh suspects anything, I imagine he's been wanting to meet his real dad almost as long."

Gran looked at Dad. Seeing the longing expression in his eyes to meet the son he never knew he had she smiled. "Go do it."