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Before I could wonder if I was going to have to make a choice between Cass and Sammy, my thoughts were interrupted by him walking up behind me and planting a kiss on the back of my neck while saying, "Damn, that was a nice fuck, Jack, but to be honest with you, I'll really be happy to get back home to my partner."

I'd just started to put a leg into my Levi's. I let them fall to the floor as I straightened up. "What?"

"Woody and I have been together since high school. He's been in Europe for the last six weeks. He'll be back home Wednesday. It'll sure be good to see him again."

To cover up my confused emotions I bent down to retrieve my Levi's and proceeded to methodically put them on. I don't know why I was suddenly feeling self-righteous. I'd enjoyed Cass as much as he had me. It wasn't any of my business if he was playing around while he partner was away. I was feeling like I'd been used and there was no reason for that either. I managed to keep my trap shut until I got my head back on straight.

As I pulled a knit shirt over my head, I said, "Well, you'll have to bring him out here. I'd like to meet the man who has my cousin's heart," I said.

Cass had been watching me and looking worried as I got my head together. He grinned, obviously relieved that I hadn't gone off at him. "Sure, Jack, Woody would love it out here. We live up in Odessa. That's just over an hour's drive."

While we finished dressing he told me about his life with Woody, which gave me time to shunt what I started feeling towards him and put things back into perspective.

* * *

When we walked in the front door together a hush settled over the room. I wasn't in any mood to put up with any bullshit attitudes, so I magnanimously grinned. "Good Morning, everyone," I said, walked over to Gran and kissed her cheek. "How's my favorite girl this morning?"

"I'm fine, Jack. You're up a little late this morning." She glanced at Cass and her eyes sparkled with amusement. I could just imagine what she was thinking with me walking in with Cass, who had supposedly slept in one of the guest rooms upstairs. I winked at her.

Just then Jake came in. "Hey, Jack, thanks, for doing the milking this morning. It sure made my morning easy, Big Bro."

I glanced at Gran with a raised eyebrow. She looked mildly surprised. I wrapped an affectionate arm around Jake, grinned and said, "I was first one up this morning, so I did the milking. Is there any fresh coffee? Come on, Cass, let's hit the kitchen."

First person I saw was my stepdad sitting at the kitchen table. The look he gave me was one I'd never seen on his face before. Respect? He half smiled before he turned to reply to some comment that Dad Bowden had made. I wondered if he was half as sore as I imagined he should be.

"Good morning, y'all," I said, heading for the coffee pot. I poured two cups and handed Cass one as I turned around. I hadn't seen Sammy sitting at the opposite end of the table from my stepdad with J.C. on his lap. He looked at me and I watched his eyes travel to Cass's still wet hair and back to mine. He wasn't smiling and I was suddenly feeling the guilties again. Flashing on the one time we'd done something and he'd turned his back to me and shrugged off my hand, I decided I wasn't about to acknowledge his bullshit attitude, so I grinned at him and winked. He turned his attention to his little son. I pulled a chair out and offered it to Cass, then pulled another one out and sat. Josh noticed our silent conversation and being sensitive to my mood picked up the conversation I'd interrupted. I mulled over the rollercoaster ride of feelings I'd been through in the last hour. I glanced at Sammy who was still ignoring me. God, would we ever get our acts together - get our gears meshed?

I noticed Dad Bowden watching me. He glanced at Cass, then his son, then looked back at me as he motioned with his head toward Sammy and winked. I understood what he was communicating and nodded, set my coffee down and stood. Sammy's head snapped up and he frowned. I smiled at him, then stepped behind him and placed my hands on his shoulders. He leaned his head back to look up at me and it rested against my belly while his eyes searched mine. Weird - the contact and the look spread a wave of heat through my body like the touch of no other man ever had. I leaned down and whispered, "Let's go outside and talk."

Sammy whispered something to J.C., who slid off his dad's lap and climbed on his granddad's. He stood and without saying anything, picked up his coffee mug, headed through the melee of my aunts and female cousins preparing breakfast and out the back door. I glanced at Dad Bowden. He nodded. Cass punched my arm and wished me good luck. I smiled at him, squeezed his shoulder, picked up my mug and followed Sammy.

I found him resting his forearms on the top rail of the horse corral, his mug sitting on top of a post. I stood on the edge of the stoop and studied his backside. His broad shoulders, narrow waist, taught butt, and long legs really turned me on, but there was something else about the man that spoke to my heart - my soul. I considered what I'd been feeling towards Cass half an hour ago and compared it to what just looking at Sammy's back made me feel. I found myself feeling grateful that Cass had Woody and had only been horny.

I stepped off the stoop and walked across the yard to stand beside this beautiful man, resting an arm on the rail with my body turned towards him. He turned his head and stared at me. I just stared into his smoky blue eyes, not saying anything.

"You fucked him," he stated; his voice flat, emotionless.

"Yeah, I did."

His lips tried to curl into a smile, but he forced them into a frown. His eyes gave away the lie; they danced. "Incestuous bastard."

"Like they say." I grinned at him.

He looked away. "It was good, huh?"

"It was fun, Sammy. He's got a partner."

He bucked his head. I sipped my coffee and watched relief gentle his expression.

"I've spent nine years daydreaming of doing that," he said, still staring off.

"Fucking Cass?"

His head swung around and he glared at me. "You . . . you fucker . . . you and me."

I felt like smirking, but the moment was too sensitive. I smiled instead and said, "We could do that if you promise to not turn you back on me afterwards."

He pushed away from the fence and stuffed his hands in his pockets, still facing me, but staring at the ground. "For a long time I've carried a great guilt for forcing myself on you. It was only yesterday that you convinced me that you wanted it as much as I did. Now I feel guilty for ever having felt guilty."

"And I feel guilty for letting all this time go by without talking to you, Sammy. Guess we're a couple of mule headed idiots. What do you say to giving up the guilt and being best buds again?"

He looked up at me with a tenuous smile. "Could we do that?"

He looked so fragile at that moment. I pulled him to my chest and he wrapped his arms around me, almost clinging to me. I kissed the top of his head. "I've missed you, Sammy. God, it feels so good holding you in my arms.

"Hey, if you two will stop queering on each other, breakfast is ready." Josh was standing on the back stoop grinning at us. Josh's really a neat guy. I love him so much. It's sometimes hard to believe that he's his father's son. Even though he's always been his father's favorite, Josh somehow has retained a strong sense of what's right. Knowing how I feel about Sammy, he's offered several times over the years to mediate for me. If I wasn't so hardheaded, I'd have let him and maybe things between Sammy and I would be a lot different today.

* * *

I'm sure everyone in my family knows I'm queer. I'm sure they've all talked about it behind my back. It doesn't seem to bother my aunts and their husbands. And all my cousins are okay with me. So, except for my stepdad and Karny no one gives me a hard time about it. I suspect that after yesterday, my stepdad won't say anything again . . . maybe even Karny will desist.

With all that in my thoughts, I grabbed Sammy around the neck like I used to do when we were kids and headed into the house. No one paid us any attention except Mom and Gran. They both gave us big love-filled smiles as we queued up to fill our plates. Someone had gotten smart and used the Thanksgiving turkey roasting pan to hold a humungous amount of scrambled eggs. There were platters of fried steak, pork chops, bacon, and weenie sausages, besides big platters of left over beef and pork from yesterday.

When we'd both gotten our plates filled, I led Sammy out the front door and sat down on the top step off the veranda. No sooner had we started eating than Cass sat down beside me and Karny sat next to Sammy. We all ate in silence for a few minutes. Then Karny set her plate aside, stood and descended to the sidewalk which put her at my eye level. She looked at me with a serious expression and said, "Jack, I gained a new respect for you yesterday. I've always considered you to be my daddy's spoiled little grandson. The way you handled your stepdad yesterday opened my eyes. You've become a man to be respected."

I gawked at her, then realized she wasn't just pulling another slick trick on me. I swallowed the mouthful of food I'd stopped chewing when she started talking, and managed to say, "Thanks, Karny, coming from you, that really means something."

"I'm serious, Jack. You really impressed the hell out of me with how you put him in his place, yet let him keep his dignity. Not many men would do that if they'd been treated like he's treated you."

She literally left me speechless. I could do no more than nod in response.

She looked at Cass sitting on my right. "Are you ready to head north?"

"I just need to say something to Jack, then I'd like to say good-bye to several people."

She nodded and headed up the steps, picking up her plate as she went inside. Cass rested a hand on my shoulder. "It's been fun, Jack, and most interesting. If your invite still stands, I'd like to bring Woody down to meet you two." He glanced at Sammy. "You two are going to make a go of it, aren't you?"

"If we can figure out how," Sammy answered before I could. I stared at him. We needed to talk.

"Well, you guys be good to each other. You've already wasted a lotta years. Don't waste anymore."

We grinned, stood and hugged him. He shook his head as he went back in the house to say his goodbyes.