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When Max stepped into his parent's condo and found there was no one there, he felt even more depressed than he already was. Seeing the tree with Christmas decorations he'd grown up with gave him a nostalgic knot in his throat. For a moment, he wondered why he'd bothered to come home, and then reminded himself that Joseph was the reason. Besides, he knew that his dad was working and his mom was helping Joseph's mom and grandmother prepare for the family get together Christmas day. Wondering what Gary was up to, he wandered back to his bedroom, that his parents hadn't touched, and dropped his bag on the bed. Unzipping it, he dug out the gifts he'd brought with him and carried them out to place under the tree. He stood back and admired the tree, then decided he would wander up to Dave and Joe's. 'Better to put up with Joe's antagonism than to sit down here brooding,' he thought.

Joseph had fled to his uncles' as soon as breakfast was over in the Darcy household. He had no intention of sticking around to be put to work on the big Christmas dinner at his maternal grandparents' home.

He spent the morning visiting with Joe and Dave until Dave received a phone call and excused himself, saying he had an important errand to run. Joseph had stayed with Joe, sitting out in the now glass enclosed garden, enjoying what little heat the weak December sun offered.

They talked about how school was going and about his roommate. He thought about telling Joe about Jennifer, but decided to keep that fiasco to himself. They discussed Joe's newest building projects. Neither said a word about Max's impending arrival, but still, it was like the proverbial elephant in the room.

When Dave returned a couple of hours later, Joseph caught the looks that passed between his two uncles and wondered what they were up to. His mind was too much on Max to wonder very long.

Dave left to make a fresh pot of coffee and Joe sat back, lost in thoughts and old memories. He studied his oldest nephew and compared what Joseph had done to what he had caught his first lover doing.*

Technically, there was little difference. They'd both been stoned… and were caught having sex with someone else. But in reality, there were big differences when the situations were examined. Eric* had gotten high, and invited his trick into their bed. Joseph had been seduced, after getting high.

*Refer to TGE 03 on this site.

Joe saw Eric as a perpetrator and Joseph as a victim, though not necessarily an innocent one. Joseph's indiscretion had been a onetime thing that was deeply regretted afterwards. Joe had learned that Eric had often done what he'd been caught at, and had eventually died a violent death, beaten to death by one of his tricks.

Deciding that it was like comparing pears to lemons, Joe gave it up. Still, he thought that Max was way out of line with his stubborn stance.

When Dave heard the chime announce Max, he stuck his head out of the kitchen and said, "Go on out on the patio. I'll be out with a fresh pot of coffee in a minute."

The first thing Max noticed when he stepped through the French doors was that Joe and Dave had taken his suggestion and glassed in the roof top patio. Not seeing anyone, he wandered out the path between two rows of potted roses and other blooming bushes.

It was at that moment that Joe broke the silence that had fallen between him and his nephew, saying, "So, you're finally going to get back together with Max."

"That's what I'm hoping," Joseph responded.

Max froze with his heart in his throat. Joze really did want to reunite. He was brought back to the reality of the moment when he heard Joe say, "He's been such a sanctimonious little ass. I just don't know why you'd want to get back with him after the way he's treated you these last few months."

Max continued to listen. He wasn't really looking forward to another run-in with Joe after being dumped on at Thanksgiving. But then again, it had been Joe's tirade that got him to thinking about how he'd been treating Joseph.

"I really can't blame him," he heard Joseph say. "It was me that fucked up."

"So? Hell, you're both young studs with raging hormones. I find it hard to believe that you both haven't experimented with other guys. What you did wasn't so terrible. He could have at least talked to you."

"That was the least of what I did, Uncle Joe."

"What more was there other than getting caught in bed with another fellow?"

"It was who the other fellow was that was so bad. Max had told me for years that Allen Green was harassing him and calling him horrible names like Nigger Lover and worse. Allen was always nice to me. It seemed that he nearly worshipped me. I refused to believe Max. Unfortunately, I now realize Allen was being a suck up hypocrite." Joseph could see in his uncle's expression that he agreed that not believing Max was worse than the act of infidelity. He wondered for the millionth time if Max was going to really be able to forgive him.

Max hadn't realized that Joseph understood why he'd been so torn up by finding him fucking Allen. He felt a pang of guilt for not having given him a chance to make amends. He waited for a comment from Joe. But Joe didn't say anything.

"No," Joseph continued with a big sigh, "I should've believed him a long time ago. I guess I liked being the hero… worshipped by a fellow jock. I can't hold Max to blame. I just hope that now that we're talking, he'll forgive me."

Max suddenly didn't want to hear what Joe might have to say in answer. "Hello," he called out. "Where is everyone?"

Joe answered back, "We're over here, Max."

When Joseph heard Max call out, he sat up straighter, suddenly wanting to run away from the confrontation. Max had been so cold to him the last time they'd been face to face, then over the phone, Max had been apologetic and eager to get back together. What was he going to be this time?

Before Max could move, Dave stepped up next to him carrying a tray with a coffee carafe and mugs. "Evesdropping, Max?"

Max blushed and glanced at his uncle. "I couldn't help it, Dave. Joseph was saying things that Joe needed to hear. I couldn't interrupt."

Dave raised his eyebrows at Max and proceeded toward where Joe and Joseph were seated. "Look who I found," he said as he set the tray on a table. Joy and guilt, mixed with a good bit of left over anger, roiled through Joseph when he saw Max approaching.

Max was surprised that Joe stood along with Joseph to greet him. He stumbled over his own feet and looked sheepishly at Joe who stuck out his hand to him. Max took it and was pulled into a hug. "How're you doing, Max?" he asked.

He was so surprised that Joe was being amiable that he almost didn't answer. "Uh…. I'm doing well, Joe."

"That's good." Joe patted him heartily on the back and let him go.

Max looked at Joseph who stared back expectantly. He smiled and Max's knees turned rubbery. Although, the smile didn't reach Joseph's eyes, Max could see the love in them, but also the hesitation… the holding back… the fear of Max once again rejecting him. He felt ashamed. "Joze," he uttered.

In that one utterance, Joseph could hear all the emotion, all the words not said. He held out his arms and Max walked into his embrace, hugging him back like he never wanted to let him go again. When they finally separated, Max stepped back, looking uncomfortable. He glanced at their two uncles.

Dave took the hint and broke the silence. "Well, I guess coffee should be served. Joseph." He handed the first mug to him; next he served Max, then Joe and himself. They all sat sipping the hot brew. Joe and Dave watched their nephews while Max kept surreptitiously glancing at Joseph who stared at the floor. Finally, Joe suggested that he and Dave leave the two boys to themselves and they went inside.

After Joe had dragged Dave into the house, they each wondered how to get passed the awkwardness of the first words. Finally, Joseph, always the one more apt to take the lead, said, "Come sit down, Max." He held out his hand indicating he wanted Max to sit on the chaise beside him. Hesitantly, Max sat, careful to not touch him. Joseph reached over and took his hand. Max glanced up at Joseph and then stared at their entwined fingers. Joseph chuckled. "This reminds me of the day we first met."

Max still hadn't found his tongue. He wasn't one to easily cry, but his eyes blurred with unshed tears, remembering the day that this beautiful man, then just a boy of eleven, had taken his hand and led him across the yard to sit beside him on the stoop of his grandparents' house. He glanced up at Joseph again and asked, "Does this mean that you've forgiven me, Joze?"

Joseph studied Max a moment before echoing the question back. "Does this mean that you've really forgiven me, Max?"

There was hardness to Joseph's voice that punched Max unexpectedly. He wondered if he'd subconsciously expected Joseph to be begging like he had so many times before. He ducked his head and stared at his feet for a moment, and thought about the safe feeling he'd had those few minutes when Ben and Joe had snuggled him after he'd broken down right after Thanksgiving. He thought about how he'd once felt so secure snuggled up in Joseph's arms and wished things were still the same between them. He'd felt safe then, and desired to feel the same with him again. Yet, at the same time, he was awash with guilt for having been so self-righteously stubborn.

Max sighed and glanced up at him as he started to say, 'yes,'. Joseph was staring at him rather belligerently. Had he really been expecting Joseph to show gratitude for finally being forgiven? He felt ashamed of himself. Instead of answering the question left dangling in the air, he said, "I guess I need to tell you what happened to me recently." He then proceeded to tell Joseph how he'd met Ben and then about the shower scene and how he'd tried to let something develop between them. "I couldn't do it, Joze. It's you I'll always love." He looked up to find Joseph staring off to the side. "Joze?"

Joseph turned a stony stare at him. "What, Max?"

Max's heart quailed.

"What am I supposed to say, Max? You know I regret having hurt you. I've begged forgiveness over and over and you totally rejected me. Now the table has turned. How do you expect me to react? You still haven't said that you forgive me for what I did."

"But I did tell you. When I called you, I told you then that I'd forgiven you."

"Say it to my face. I need to be looking at you when you say it."

Max looked up at him and said. "I'm going to have to learn to trust you because I do love you, and I want us to… I need us to be together again." Max studied him a moment. "I suppose you have every right to be bitter. Surely you didn't fuck Allen to hurt me."

"You've finally seen the light, have you?" Joseph stood and strode to the parapet before turning to look back at Max. "I destroyed myself that afternoon, you know. I'm no longer the person I was."

Max searched his face. "I suppose neither of us is the same."

"How could we be? God! We've put each other through so much."

Max nodded and gazed off into the distance. "Yes, we have. But the bond hasn't been broken. We'll always be connected."

Joseph barked out a short bitter laugh. "I remember telling everyone that you and I would be together forever, but I guess I made a lie of it," his voice broke, "didn't I?" He turned to stare out over the city.

Max walked over, took Joseph's hand and when Joseph turned to look at him, he stared intently into his eyes. "It doesn't have to be a lie."

Joseph looked away and his countenance darkened, but he didn't pull his hand away. "Max, stop kidding yourself. How could you ever trust me again?"

"You know, Joze, we never discussed being monogamous. We never made that agreement."

"Max? Tell me if I'm wrong, but fucking Allen wasn't my worse offense was it? It was only the crowning incident."

Max glanced away. "I never understood why you wouldn't believe me. Allen was so vicious with what he'd say to me about you."

"I am very ashamed of myself for not believing you. I have no real excuse for choosing to believe Allen." He looked away and then frowned. "Why are you arguing my side?"

"I love you, Joze."

Joseph's eyes filled with tears as he simply stared at Max.

Max dug into his jacket pocket. "I was going to give this to you as a Christmas present. But I think that now is more appropriate." He handed Joseph the gift-wrapped box containing the two silver triangles. Joseph stared uncomprehending at the gaily wrapped box and then glanced up at Max. Max nodded at the box. Joseph stared at it a moment more before he tore the paper away and opened it. He studied the square with his and Max's names facing each other across the center break. He picked up a chain and the square became two triangles. "How symbolic. I split us into again," he murmured.

"Oh, stop it." Max said as he reached out and took the chain from Joseph's hand, the one with his name on it. "The only relevant symbolism is that we're two halves of a whole." He studied the silver triangle cupped in his palm. "I've done a lot of thinking since I left. With everyone constantly at me, I kind of never got a chance to forgive you. I recently realized there is nothing on your part that needs forgiving. And that the way I reacted was wrong. It's me that needs your forgiveness."

"I don't understand. I broke your trust."

"As I said, we never discussed being monogamous, Joze. I had no right to expect you to be. I know you love me. You know I love you. Dicking someone else isn't going to change how we feel about each other. Is it?"

Joseph looked at him, wondering where the old uptight puritanical Max had gone.

"In giving this to you," Max fingered the triangle, "I'm not asking anything of you. It's your choice to give what you will. We're on opposite coasts for the next two and a half years. I can't expect you to be celibate, and I won't promise to be either." He reached up and dropped the chain over Joseph's head. "I only pray that the time comes when we can be together as one again."

Joseph picked up the other chain and ran his finger over his own name. "I've missed you so much," he said. He looked up at Max. "You know it's so much bullshit that you shouldn't have expected me to be monogamous. Sure, I've wondered what other guys would be like, but until I smoked that weed with Allen, I never acted on my curiosity. And obviously, I wasn't thinking when I let him talk me into fucking him. You know… it's funny… I don't recall at all what it was like… but I remember vividly what your expression was when you saw us. At that moment, I wanted to die for hurting you. And when I realized that Allen had intentionally set me up, I shattered his jaw. It's not something I'm proud of though.

"Max I would never intentionally do anything to hurt you. I will carry the guilt of having hurt you to the grave. I'm so sorry. Please believe me. I am so sorry it happened. I promise that---"

"Stop. Don't make promises like that. We're going to different schools across the country from each other. If something happens… it won't be a promise broken. It's enough to know that we love each other."

"You know I love you, Max." He dropped the necklace chain over Max's head and positioned the triangle on his chest.

"So, does this mean you forgive me for being so pig headed," Max asked.

Joseph studied him a moment and then grinned.

"What?" Max asked.

"You're such a cute little pig."

At first Max didn't know whether to laugh or be offended, and then it dawned on him that Joseph wouldn't say something like that if he wasn't forgiving him. "If you'll truly forgive me - I'll let you make me squeal like one," he said his voice suddenly gravelly with desire.

Joseph pulled Max against his chest. "God, I've missed you, Babe."

Max wrapped his arms around him and held on to him as if he were fearful he'd get away. "Please, Joseph, say you forgive me."

"Of course I forgive you."

"I believe you, Joze. And I regret the pain I have caused you by not listening to you, by not letting you apologize, and by refusing you forgiveness. Where you unintentionally hurt me… I very intentionally hurt you. I wouldn't for a moment blame you if you never forgave me for it."

Joseph studied his contrite soul mate. "I think it's time to get past the 'Mia Culpas.' Let's start fresh."

Max nodded. "There is one thing that I need you to do for me to make everything right again, Joze."

"You know I'll do anything you want."

"Well, I want us to go find a nice motel room where we can have lots of privacy. Then I want you to fuck me until I am totally incoherent."

Joseph grinned. "I will do that on only one condition."

"Name it."

"You have to do the same thing to me."

They sought and found each other's lips and got lost in the kiss. When they came up for air, Max murmured, "God, I've missed you, Joze."

"No more than I've missed you," Joseph answered.

Hand in hand they went inside. When they informed their uncles that they were heading out to find a motel so they could have some privacy, Joe objected - and offered them the main guest bedroom. "It has a king size bed and the walls are sound proof - so you can carry on all you want."

Max blushed and Joseph grinned.

"I turned down the covers, so it's all ready for you," Dave said, grinning. "So, go make up for lost time."

Joseph started to pull Max toward the guest bedroom, but Max asked him to wait. He turned back to Dave. "Do you know if mom's back home, yet?"

"Yeah, she called up just awhile ago. I told her that you'd be down to say 'hi' later."

"So, she's not expecting me home for dinner?"

"Max," Joe interjected, "just like everyone else… she's happy that you two are straightening things out between you. So go finish making up."

Max flushed and shook his head. It still aggravated him that everyone was interested in his private life. He glanced at Joseph who smiled at him and motioned with his head for Max to follow him. Max glanced at Dave and Joe, expecting to see them smirking at him, but they both looked sympathetic. He gave them a small smile and turned to follow Joseph into the guest bedroom.

As Joseph closed the door behind Max, he turned and looked at him. "Let it go, Babe. They wouldn't be sticking their noses into our affairs if they didn't love and care for us."

Max shrugged. "I know that. It's just that I was constantly barraged by their concern before I left for school."

Joseph's contrite expression as he wrapped his arms around Max put an end to Max's aggravation. "I love you, Babe, I so sorry that my actions have put you through so much. I promise I'm going to spend the rest of my life making it up to you."

Max sought Joseph's lips. He mumbled, "You talk too much."

Joseph thought about it - agreed - and attempted to devour Max's mouth. Max pulled away after nearly a minute of swapping spit and started planting kisses on Joseph neck and shoulders. He eventually slipped down and tickled the tip of Joseph's right nipple with his tongue. Joseph pushed his chest against Max's mouth and grasped the back of his head, holding him against it. "Oh, God, I've missed you. Bite it like you used to."

Max worried the nub between his teeth.

Joseph tried to squelch his response, but didn't quite succeed. His loud "Uuuuuh" had Dave and Joe looking up at each other.

"I thought you said that room was sound proof," Dave said.

"I thought it was. Guess I've never heard anyone yell from in there before."