As far as Claire was concerned, nothing in life happened by chance. There was a reason for every event. One just had to find what the reason was. When Jim pulled up next to the garage on his HD on Monday afternoon, Claire knew that there was a purpose that Max was late and that Jim was there early. She simply knew the reason was to give her a chance to meet and talk to Jim alone. She stepped out the kitchen door as Jim swung his leg off the big motorcycle. "Hello, you are Jim. I'm Claire." Jim stepped across the driveway and took her proffered hand. "Nice to meet you, Ma'am. Max has spoken of you." "I hope it was more than just to tell you that I'm an eccentric old woman." "No, Ma'am. If I remember correctly, his description of you contained words like wonderful, kind, gentle, and sweet." "Oh my, now I am embarrassed." "I didn't mean to do that. I just...." "Oh, stop apologizing," Claire scolded. "Max is all the things you just said. I just didn't realize that he thought of me in those terms, too. I give him such a hard time, you know. Would you like a cold drink while you wait for him?" "A glass of cold water would be appreciated, Ma'am." "Well, come into my kitchen and have a seat. We'll talk while we wait." The large young man followed her into her kitchen with a little trepidation. He sat at the table while she poured a glass full of refrigerated water. "Has Max told you about Joseph?" she asked, as she handed him the water and sat down. "Joseph? Ah... no he hasn't." "Well, he probably will soon. You are looking only to be friends with him aren't you?" Jim turned red and choked on the swallow of water he'd just taken. "Oh, I'm sorry." Claire said, and quickly changed the subject. "My, you have a tattoo. I swear, from what little I can see, it looks like a cat's tail wrapped around your neck." Jim quickly lost his embarrassment. He was proud of his tat and got a kick out of showing it to people. When Claire asked to see it, he didn't hesitate to take his shirt off to show it to her. Claire gazed in wonder. "This is a fine piece of art. Max told me you lived in Japan. Is that where you had it done?" "Yes, for my sixteenth birthday my dad let me get it. It took nearly two years to finish. I could only have three hours a week most of the time for Ken to work. Sometimes only one." At that moment, Max knocked and entered the kitchen. "Claire, I know you have a smooth tongue, but I didn't realize you could talk young men out of their clothes." He grinned to take the sting from his scold. "Oh, don't be impertinent, Max. Have you examined this beautiful piece of art that your friend carries around on his shoulder?" "Of course I have. Almost makes me want one of my own." "You want to think that completely through, Max. This is something that once you start, you cannot change your mind on," Jim said. "Oh, I'm aware of that. That's why I haven't made any move." "Well, triple think it. I know several people that regret having gotten tattooed." Claire watched Jim follow his diminutive friend up the stairs to the apartment above the garage. She felt certain that just having asked the one question was enough to keep their emotions on the right track. Max could tell that something was bothering Jim when they got upstairs to his apartment. When he asked him what it was, Jim shrugged. Max figured he would talk when he was ready and went in to change into more comfortable clothes. Jim followed him and leaned against the divider that Max had used to close off his sleeping area. Max went about disrobing and then digging out a pair of shorts and a T-shirt, trying to ignore Jim's presence. "So, are you planning to tell me about Joseph?" Jim asked. Max pulled the t shirt over his head and settled it before he turned and looked at Jim. "Yes, I was going to do it over dinner. I assume Claire asked if I'd told you about him." "Mmm hmm." "Well, you should feel good that she has decided that she likes you. She's obviously watching out for you." "She's a sweet little ol' lady." Max chuckled and added, "And a busybody." "I suspect that she was asking as much to protect you, Max. It's obvious that she's very fond of you." Max nodded. "You're right." He proceeded to put on some white socks and light trainers. Jim hadn't moved. "So what have you got planned until dinner time?" "I'll be cooking. I'm going to make spaghetti and meat sauce. You can sit at the island while I work." One of the first acquisitions Max had purchased after moving in was a couple of bar stools just for that purpose. Jim had previously expressed a fondness for Sapporo beer. Sunday Max had picked up a six pack when he went shopping. He offered Jim one, poured himself a big glass of cold water, and then settled into making the meat sauce. Jim perched on a stool and watched him. He rolled the bottle back and forth between his palms and waited for Max to start talking. Max placed the ground beef and pork into a large skillet. After he'd poured in a half cup of water, he started breaking the meat into small bits with a wooden spatula. "I thought you would sauté the meat, not boil it," Jim commented. Max was on automatic while he was preoccupied with thinking about how to tell Jim about Joseph. He glanced up at Jim and then at what he was doing. "Oh, this little bit of water keeps the little bits of meat from sticking back together while it's still raw. It's a trick I picked up from Joseph's grandmother." "Neat." Max nodded, decided that he'd just start at the beginning and hoped Jim would still be his friend when he finished. He covertly watched him take a swallow of his beer, mentally gulped, then started talking. "I was fifteen when I met Joze. He was only eleven, but tall for his age. The moment I laid eyes on him, I knew that there would be no one else for me but him. I didn't express that knowledge to anyone for a good while. As a matter of fact, I fought it until Joze convinced me there was no way to change it. You see, he felt the same way about me." Max never looked up from his work as he talked. He was afraid to read Jim's expression. "For seven years we had a perfect relationship. Our families accepted and supported our alliance. But there's always an element that can't accept perfection and sets out to destroy it." Max went on with the story of Allen Green's seduction of Joseph and Max's discovery of them in bed. As he talked, he minced an onion, some celery and carrots, then opened cans of whole tomatoes, sauce and paste. He cooked the vegetables with the meat and then added the cans' contents. He carefully added herbs, measuring the amounts into his palm. As he placed a lid on the pan and turned down the heat to let the sauce simmer, he ended the story by saying, "And that is why I'm going to med school here instead of Harvard like we'd originally planned." He glanced up for the first time. He could only describe Jim's expression as studious. "So, here you are at the end of November, six months later. And you still haven't even talked to Joseph?" Max wondered why it was that everyone seemed to pick up on that point. "No, I went home last week with the intention of apologizing to him and begging his forgiveness for my self-righteous behavior, but he didn't go home for Thanksgiving for fear that I would be there. I came back the same day." "Are you really intent on getting back together with him?" Max studied the ceiling for a moment, and then looked back at Jim. "I have no choice. Don't you see? We're soul mates. Besides, you wouldn't want to get romantically involved with me knowing part of me will never be there for you. I love you, Jim. But I can only love you as a friend." Jim swiveled around on his stool. "Come around here, Max." Max hesitantly walked around the island and stood in front of the big man. "Come're." Jim reached out and pulled Max against his massive chest. "What you need from me is a buddy. I love ya, Max, and I'm going to be the best buddy you ever had." Max hugged him. It felt so good to be wrapped in Jim's arms. He felt safe for the first time in a long time. He thought about Ben and chuckled. "What's so funny?" "I'm afraid you're going to have some competition in that department." "What do you mean?" "My friend Ben made the same declaration." "Who is this Ben? And why haven't you told me about him?" Max pushed out of Jim's arms laughing. "I've known you again for only three days and you're already acting jealous." Jim laughed, too. Since Jim worked for a computer company setting up systems and repairing them, he was on call for emergencies 24/7 - he basically kept his own office hours, so it was easy for him to change his workout time to match Max's. The week passed quickly. The two men had dinner together every night. Three of those nights were at Claire's. Claire was happy to see Max coming out of his shell. Ben had drawn him out a little, but the friendship that was developing with Jim was really doing it. And then came the morning that Ben showed up at the gym after his two week vacation. Max and Jim were laughing and joking, working out side by side when Ben walked in. He watched the two of them for a moment before Max saw him. Max dropped the weight he'd been curling and trotted over to him. "Welcome back, Ben. How was your trip?" he asked, as he wrapped his arms around the big man who automatically hugged him back, but continued to look at... and gage... the big fellow across the room who was checking him out at the same time. "Who is your new workout partner?" Ben asked, ignoring Max's greeting. "Oh, that's Jim. He's an old friend from back home. You've got to come meet him." Max dragged his big friend over to meet Jim. Max was wondering which of the two would win the hand grip contest as they shook hands. Both had intent frowns on their faces until Jim broke into a big grin. Ben released his grip at the same time Jim did and grinned back at him. Max fanned the air as he said, "Shees, the macho male pheromones are overpowering in here." Both men grinned at Max. Neither had let go of the others hand. Next thing Max knew was that Jim's arm was around Ben's shoulders and they were walking out the door. He stood there a moment, then shrugged and said to himself, "I guess it was a good thing that I didn't become involved with either of them." He glanced at the wall clock and decided he'd better get going if he was going to get in a run this morning. Outside, Jim and Ben were resting against their respective motorcycles. "Are you guys running with me this morning?" "Tomorrow," was all the response he got, so off he trotted alone. He was definitely of two minds as he ran. He was thrilled that his two best friends were so strongly attracted to each other, but he felt like he'd just lost something very important. Three days passed without seeing or hearing a word from either Jim or Ben. Resentment over their abandoning him grew stronger each day. He worked out and ran alone. He ate dinner with Claire, but wasn't very good company. If it hadn't been for his studies and his daily routine, he'd have come unglued. On the third evening when he and Claire sat down to dinner, Claire asked, "Isn't it about time for Ben to come back from his vacation?" Max stirred the gravy into his mashed potatoes."He came back three days ago," he glumly answered. "He hasn't been around. Come to think about it, I haven't seen Jim, either." "You noticed that, did you?" He stabbed his steak with his fork and viciously sawed off a chunk. Claire ignored the sarcastic response. "Is there a problem? Did something happen?" "Yes, something happened... I introduced them to each other. That's what happened." "I don't understand." Max glared at her as though she was dense. "The moment they saw each other, there was no one else in the world." "Oh, how sweet. Love at first sight." "Right, they just abandoned me. How sweet is that?" "Max! Goodness! You've got to give them time to get to know each other. You know very well that neither of those fine young men will abandon their friendship with you. They'll be back soon enough." The second week of December was beautiful, as only in Southern California it could be. The high was predicted to be in the mid seventies on the beach side of the hills. There were a few puffy white clouds in the startling blue sky. Max had a good workout and was feeling energized as he jogged down the street. He hadn't worked out or run with Ben and Jim since the day he'd introduced them to each other. There were quite a few people on the sidewalk. Max paid only enough attention to them so he wouldn't run over anybody. He was suddenly jerked out of his reverie when someone yelled his name. He stopped and turned around to see a handsome dark headed hunk trotting towards him. And then he recognized Allen Green. It had been over seven months since 'the incident'. He'd lost a lot of weight. Max found himself thinking he really looked hot, but still he was filled with rage on seeing him. "Why in hell can't you leave me alone?" he growled as Allen approached. "Just listen for a moment and then I'll leave." With the weight loss, Allen had lost his intimidating bulk. "I don't think there is anything you have to say that I want to hear, Allen." "Please, just give me five minutes." Max frowned and half nodded. "First, I never thought I'd ever see you again. This is a total surprise. I know you're not about to accept an apology, but still, I am grievously sorry for what I did. I was one fucked up kid." "Understatement." "Well, I physically paid for it. You know Joseph broke my jaw. But what you probably don't know; is my dad almost beat me to death when he found out. I was in the hospital for weeks recovering from that beating." Max wanted to say he'd deserved what he got, but no one deserved a beating like Allen had gotten. He chewed on his lower lip and stared Allen in the face. "But what I want you to know is why I did what I did," Allen said. "I know why you did it. You hate my guts. I had Joseph's love and you wanted it." "You're wrong Max. It was just the opposite." "You're fucked up, Allen." "Well, not as much as I was. At least now I know why I did the things I did. I've been seeing a shrink once a week since that day. I've learned a lot of things about myself. I've even learned to accept myself, and I'm even beginning to like me." "Well, don't expect me to." "I don't. But one of the steps I have to go through is apologizing to the people I've hurt. I never thought I'd get the chance with you. I don't expect you to accept it, or even believe me, but I am doing this for myself, not for you. I can't make you change your opinion of me. By apologizing to you, I can begin to forgive myself. I really hated myself for all the cruel little things I used to do to you. And I wanted to die after what I did with Joseph. I really did." Max grimaced and looked away. "But I didn't die. And the shrink has helped me want to live. I just wish I hadn't been so fucked up, so that maybe you could have loved me instead of Joseph." "What you never understood, Allen, is that Joseph is my soul mate. I have no choice, but to love him." "So, you guys are back together?" "No, I've only spoken to him once." "That's fucked, Max. It wasn't his fault. It was mine. I don't expect your forgiveness, but for Christ's sake forgive him and get on with your lives." Allen studied the sky as if looking for a portent. Finding nothing, he sighed. "That's all I've got to say. Thanks for listening." He turned to walk away. Max watched him a moment, and then called out to him, "Allen, wait." Allen stopped and turned to watch Max trot toward him. "Is there some way I can get in touch with you?" "Why would you want to do that?" Max shrugged. "I may want to talk more about this... that is, if you're willing." "I'm willing." Max scuffed at the sidewalk with the toe of his running shoe. "So, why are you up here? I thought you were living down in Orange County." "I got accepted at UCLA." "As a freshman I guess you're living on campus in one of the dorms." "No, my doctor got me an exemption. I have a little apartment up on Comstock Drive. My uncle is paying for it all." Max scuffed his toe on the concrete and made the connection that he and Allen had at least that in common. "Max, I've learned to be very open about the incident with Joseph. It took a lot of sessions with the shrink for me to figure out why I did it. If you have questions, I'll answer them openly and honestly." "I don't understand why you would do this." "I'm willing to do this because I truly regret the damage I caused to you and Joseph." "So, I guess the big question is; why." "Did you ever meet my dad?" "No, I saw him around, but never met him." "He was an abusive man. He was murdered a couple of months ago. He tried to rape another inmate. The man's lover choked him to death." "Good God. I'm sorry, Allen." "Don't be. That asshole deserved it." "Jeez, that is cold." "Max, he had sodomized me almost daily since I was ten years old." "Oh," Max whispered. He tried to think of his own dad doing such a horrible thing, but couldn't. He wondered what kind of sickness would cause a man to do that to his own son. "I'm learning to deal with it. The one thing I can't deal with is pity. So don't." Max glanced up at him. "I guess one can't but feel something for you, Allen." "Well, just keep it to yourself, please." Max studied the tall young man in front of him and realized that there had been lots of changes in him. Obviously, he wasn't a bully anymore. He hadn't said one unkind word in the few minutes he'd been talking to him. And he really did seem repentant for having seduced Joseph and causing the rift between them. Maybe it would be worth the effort to forgive him and try to be friends with him. "Hey, I've got some really good Sumatra coffee. Would you like to come over and have a cup with me?" Allen looked startled by the invitation, and then a small smile spread across his face. "Thanks, Max, I'd like that." "Come on then." Claire was puttering in one of her flowerbeds as Max and Allen strolled up the driveway. They were still a little stiff with each other, but were trying to relax into a tentative friendship. Claire sat back on her heels and looked up with a welcoming smile. "Good morning, Claire. I would like you to meet Allen Green. He's from back home. And we just ran into each other up on Pico." Allen could see that Claire knew who he was, and he bowed his head. "Well, Allen, this is a surprise. I hope that you will treat my young friend here well." "Yes, Ma'am, I promise I won't do anything more to hurt him." Claire simply nodded and went back to cleaning her flowerbed. As Max went about putting water and grounds in the maker, he would glance at Allen who had checked out his little apartment and was now staring out the window. "Claire is more than just my landlady. She's more like another grandmother. She sees and knows things." "What do you mean?" Allen asked, not turning away from the window. "Well, she saw me in a dream before I ever appeared on her doorstep. She knew I was the one meant to rent this apartment. I've made two good friends since I've been out here, and she knew they were going to be lovers and live together." "So, she probably knows more about me than you've told her." "Possibly. Never can tell." They sat on the stools at the kitchen bar to drink their coffee. They talked about everything except 'the incident,' and became more comfortable with each other. When Allen left, Max said good bye to him at the door and then walked over to the window to watch him walk down the driveway. Claire stopped Allen half way. "Allen, I want you to know that you are well on the way to healing. What your father did to you will always haunt you, but I can see that you are strong enough to not let the trauma affect your life. I think that you will become a good friend to Max. As to Joseph... that is all in the mists... time will tell. You know they will be mending things between them, don't you?" "Yes, Ma'am, it's taken me a while to understand their bond. I regret having tried to break it." "Well, take care of yourself and keep up your appointments with your doctor." "I have to. I've been given no choice. Besides, I want to. It was nice meeting you, Ma'am." Claire nodded her head at him and turned back to her gardening while Allen wandered back toward Pico Blvd. wondering what she'd dreamed about him. Max turned to his books wondering how he'd explain to Joseph that he'd made amends with Allen. He thought that maybe he wouldn't tell him, at least not until they were back on solid standing with each other. He wondered how Jim and Ben would take to Allen. 'That is, if they ever come over again', he added to himself. |