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Saturday morning after Thanksgiving Max slept in and went to the gym in the afternoon instead of early morning since Ben was out of town. There were three other people working out at that time; a middle aged housewife, an older man Max guessed was in his sixties and a young man about Max's age.

It was his size that first attracted Max's attention. He stood at least six-six. His shoulders were very broad, but his waist was probably no bigger than Max's. His muscles rippled, but weren't overly developed. He had his back to Max and Max just stared. He wore an under shirt that had thin straps over his shoulders and hung loose on his body like it was way too big for him except it barely came down to his navel. As he moved through his exercises it did little to hide any of his torso; actually it titillated and accented it. The lower part of his body was covered by sweat pants that clung to his muscular buns and thighs.

It was the tattoo the held Max's attention. Over one shoulder laid a relaxed cat. Its eyes, barely opened, seemed to stare right at Max. He'd never seen a cat like it. It kind of reminded him of photos he'd seen of American mountain lions except this was obviously a gentle domesticated cat. It had black tips on its nose, ears, tail and paws. The rest of its body was a ruddy brown. Its legs were stretched out with one paw opened, the claws extended. The other paw was curled in like it was kneading the man's back. No matter which way the man turned his shoulder, the cat seemed to stare right at him. Max could almost hear its contented purr.

The woman walking from one machine to another smiled at Max. "It is an unusual tat isn't it?" Max nodded, realizing he'd been staring. He turned to the treadmill and started a fast walk to warm up.

The small gym's four walls were mirrored to give the feel of being bigger. Max watched the man in the mirror, there was something about him that flickered an old memory. Max couldn't quite place what it was. His dark brown hair, burr cut, and neatly trimmed chin strap beard looked good on him. When Max noticed that the man kept looking back at him, he consciously forced himself to stop staring. He set the counter weights on the dip machine, crawled onto the kneeling pad and started doing a repetition of dips, concentrating on making the muscles in his chest and back contract before his arm muscles.

Max squinted his eyes closed as he strained to pull his body up. As he let his arms stretch, letting his body back down, he opened his eyes. The man was standing right in front of him.

"Max Brown, it's good to see you again." he said, grinning.

Max let go of the grips and the counter weights hit the top of the slide with a loud metallic clank. The man put his foot on the kneeling pad and Max backed off of it, staring up at him.

"You don't recognize me do you?"

Max shook his head. "There's something about you that's familiar, but I can't place it."

"I'll give you a hint. I moved to Japan with my Dad in the middle of our freshman year in high school."

"Jamie? Jamie Forrester. Of Course. Damn, you've grown even bigger."

Jim chuckled, "Yeah, but I'm Jim now... and you're still a shrimp."

Max's complexion darkened and he frowned.

Jim quickly apologized. "I'm sorry. Max. I shouldn't have said that. It was totally insensitive." He sat down on a bench which brought him down to Max's level. "I can't believe that we've run into each other. What's it been, seven or eight years?"

Max had gotten lost in memories and didn't answer

"You're even more handsome than you were back then," Jim said. "I think I might still have a crush on you."

Max was abruptly pulled back to the present by the comment. "What do you mean?" he asked. "You were always picking on me."

"Yeah, I was." Jim admitted with embarrassment. "It was the only way I could handle what I was feeling." Was this big brute telling him that he was...? "Yeah," Jim continued, "I was just figuring out that I was gay and attracted to you." Max remembered his dad telling him that was probably the case.

In disbelief, Max stared.

"You're offended. I'm sorry. I was hoping that you'd have forgiven me." Jim stood up. "I'll leave you alone. It was good seeing you again." He walked back across the room to the weights.

Max watched him go, reliving all the emotions that he'd felt back when he was a freshman in high school. He'd had a crush on Jim, even though he'd never had a reason to like him. He went back to exercising, and continued to think about his freshman year in high school. He remembered thinking how odd it had been that Jim had come up to him and told him he was leaving for Japan with his dad, and that he was sorry for the rude things he'd said and done to him. Max relived the turmoil of emotions he felt that day. He'd been at once relieved that he wouldn't be picked on by Jimmy anymore, but at the same time, he felt something would be missing in his life. He glanced over at the big man and thought about why Jimmy had picked on him. A thought of Joze flashed through his mind and he turned back to the next machine to do more exercises.

When he finished his regimen, he hung his towel around his neck and walked over to Jim who was doing wrist curls. "Are you about through?" he asked.

Jim looked surprised. "Just need to do some stretches to finish up. Why?"

Max shrugged. "Just thought I'd invite you to jog with me."

Jim dropped the weight back onto the rack, then turned back to stare at Max. "Why?"

Max shuffled his feet and decided to be just as blunt as Jim had been. He looked Jim in the eyes. "I want to see if the crush I had on you back then has any bearing on today."

Jim looked like a little boy that had just been given a fabulous new toy. "You had a crush on me, after all the mean things I said to you?"

Max looked off to the side. "Yeah, dumb, wasn't I?" Max tucked his fingers in the waistband of his shorts and stared at his feet. He looked back up at the big guy with a wry smile and nodded.

"Damn, I wish I'd known that then," Jim said

"You'd have just made my life more miserable."

"I don't think so. I treated you like that because I thought you were straight and would ridicule me if you knew my true feelings. And then when you came out just before the school year was over, I felt like I couldn't be your friend because everyone would think I was gay, too."

"Being that young and naive was the pits, wasn't it?"

"Yeah, it sure was."

"So, do you want to run with me?"

Jim laughed. "Do you always ask dumb questions, Max?" He rested his arm around Max's shoulders and escorted him out the door. Max forced himself to relax and enjoy the camaraderie.

As they stood in the sun that warm November morning outside the gym on the Pico Blvd sidewalk, grinning at each other, Jim asked, "You have a special route you run?"

"Well, I usually just jog a four mile long circuitous route back to my apartment."

"How far do you live from here?"

"About five blocks."

"I've got my motorcycle here. What say we ride it over to your place and then go for a run from there?"

Max waved at Claire sitting at her kitchen table and trotted down the driveway with Jim. As they jogged along, they talked about their lives. Jim admitted to several affairs, but said that nothing ever really developed from them. Just watching his expression, Max could see that he was hoping something would happen between the two of them. Max wondered if the right man came along, could he let go of Joze and find happiness. 'Could Jim be the right man?' Max dropped behind and looked at the big tattooed man. 'He's everything a guy could want,' he told himself. 'He's good looking. Takes care of his body, he likes me, and I like him, but can I love him. I've got to find the answer to that before I lead him on.'

Later that evening while Claire was stirring a Bolognese sauce before pouring it over the cooked linguini, and Max was tossing creamy Italian dressing in the mixed baby greens, she commented, "That new friend of yours sure is a handsome brute. I assume you met him in the gym?"

"You don't miss much that goes on around here do you, Lady?"

"My goodness. How could I miss anything that comes roaring up the driveway on a big Harley."

"Are you into motorcycles, too?"

"My Richie had one. I did enjoy riding with him. So, tell me about your friend."

Max commenced to tell the story of how they'd eyed each other in the gym. "You won't believe it, but he turns out to be this kid I had a crush on in high school. He was big even then, and he always picked on me. He moved to Japan with his dad about the time I met Joze. It was strange running into him again after all these years."

"Kismet," Claire said, sagely nodding her head.

"What does that mean?"

"It's your destiny. Now, as to whether he's going to be a new love interest, or just a good friend, you'll have to find out."

"Claire, do you think there could ever be anyone besides Joze."

"Well, young Max, you're going to have to find out, and if not, then you'll have to find some way of getting Joseph back into your life. Aren't you?"

"I-I have forgiven him. I need to tell him. But as far as getting back together; I'm afraid that he will hurt me again. I don't know if I can trust him."

"Trust is something that has to be built. It has to be earned. Joseph will never be able to earn that trust if you don't give him a chance. You can't build a trust in him again without trying. Love leaves you vulnerable, Max. You have to be willing to be hurt if you are going to love."

"I know all that."

"So? What is the problem?"

"I'm scared. I am so scared, Claire. It would be so much easier if I could find someone else."

Claire looked at him with sympathy. "Do you really think you could fall in love with someone else?"

"I don't want to, but I'm frozen with fright. What if he were to do it again."

"Just look at all you lose, if he doesn't do it again."

Never in his life had Joseph ever been attracted to females. Having been raised in a liberal accepting family with a couple of uncles that were gay, and having gone to a very liberal school, he'd never been pushed in that direction. It was with great surprise and trepidation that he found himself being attracted to a young woman in his ethics class.

Jennifer McDougan stood 5'10", had short shiny brown hair with auburn highlights, green eyes, and a perpetual friendly smile. It was her vivacious generous warm smile that first attracted his attention. When she turned her attention to him, he preened and found himself introducing himself to her and asking her to join him for coffee after class.

When she first saw Joseph, she was instantly infatuated with his warm mocha coloring, his piercing green eyes, the way his lips naturally turned up in the corners, giving him a Mona Lisa like mysteriousness as if he knew a secret no one else knew. She wanted to get to know him and accepted his invitation.

They both had a two hour period of no classes after Ethics every Wednesday. It became an instant tradition that they spent those two hours together. After the third Wednesday, Jennifer asked Joseph if he planned on moving their relationship forward.

"You mean like ask you out on a date?" Joseph asked.

"Well, yes, that's what usually happens when a couple likes each other. You like me, I like you, so, what is the problem?" she asked.

Joseph became flustered. He stuttered, stopped, then just stared at the floor.

"You would like to date me wouldn't you?"

He looked up at her. His eyes glistened. "I've never dated," he said.

"You're so handsome and friendly, how could you never have dated."

"Not girls."

"You're telling me you've dated boys? I won't believe it. You're so masculine. You're on the football team." They stared at each other for what seemed a long time. "You're not kidding are you?" It was more a statement than a question as Jennifer realized that Joseph was acting totally embarrassed.

"No, I'm not kidding and it was only one."

"One date?"

"No, one boy. Well, actually he is a man now."

Jennifer didn't have any reference point for how to react. She wasn't rejecting what he said, yet she wasn't ready to accept it either. She sat across the table and just blankly looked at Joseph. He took it to mean that he should continue and explain.

"I was eleven when I met Max. He was fifteen, smaller than me. Being the precocious kid that I was, I invited him into the back yard at my grandparents' house. I had to take his hand and lead him, he was so shy. I knew the moment that I touched his hand that we were meant for each other."

Jennifer's eyebrows shot up, but she still didn't say anything.

"I know, I was very young and no one, but Max, took me seriously when I told them that he was my soul mate. But from that day on we were a couple. We never really dated, but we did nearly everything together. We were together for seven years." Joseph stopped, not wanting to admit to her the reason they were no longer together.

"Where is he now?"

"Max is in Los Angeles. He's in Medical school at UCLA."

Jennifer was curious about why they had split, but she could find that out later, right then she was more interested in helping Joseph discover that he might like girls.

"So, this will be a first for you. You can pick me up at my dorm Friday evening. Shall we do dinner and a movie?"

Joseph blushed. "Isn't the man supposed to ask first?"

"Ask me then." She grinned at him.

Very seriously, Joseph asked, "Jennifer, would you, please, go out with me Friday evening?"

"I would love to, Joseph," she said, just as seriously, and then grinned. "Yes, it's a date."

Joseph dressed extra neatly for his first date. It was unseasonably warm that first weekend of December, so he wore tan wool slacks, a pale green Polo pullover and a light brown golf jacket. He exchanged his trainers for a snazzy pair of highly polished Italian shoes. Webb watched him dress, and when he could no longer stand it, he said, "This guy must be something for you to dress up like that. You look good enough to eat."

"It's not a guy." Joseph smoothed his shirt at the waist band.

"Oh, you're going straight?"

"Hey, there's always a first time. I've never been out with a girl. Maybe I'll like it. Besides, Jennifer is really nice."

"Are you friends with her."

"Yeah, we're good friends."

"Be careful, sex can really mess up a friendship."

"Who said anything about sex?"

Web dug into his top drawer and pulled out a little square packet and handed it to him. "Just in case."

Joseph looked stupefied.

"You do know how to wear one, right?" Web asked.

"I've never needed one."

"Are you telling me you fucked that Allen character without any protection?"

"Hey. I was stoned," Joseph said.

"Stupid. You'd better get yourself tested. How long has it been?"

"Seven months, more or less."

Web did the math and figured that was when Joseph had fucked up his relationship with his Max. He wondered how Joseph could be thinking of 'cheating' on Max again when he'd been so adamant a month earlier, insisting that he wouldn't do anything except with Max. 'Maybe he sees fucking a female as not counting.' He shook his head at the thought and said, "Go get tested Monday."

Joseph was preoccupied as he walked across the campus to remote parking where his car was. Dr. Chestnut had told him that he could call him any time. He thought about the time difference. It was an hour earlier at home. He pulled out his cell phone and called him.

"Joseph it's good to hear from you. How are you?"

"I'm doing great. But it's just been brought to my attention that since I didn't use a condom, I could have STDs."

"Joseph, one of the first thing we did when we learned that you and Allen had been together was to test both of you. You are clean. Not to worry. But still it might be a good idea to be retested. It's been around six months or so. So I suggest you do it. I'm sure your campus has a free clinic. Just go in and do it. Alright?"

"Sure, Doc. And thanks. I feel better now."

"This hasn't brought out any new guilt trip has it?"

"Doc, it's like I've told you. I'll always live with the guilt."

"Well, don't let it get to you."

"I don't get depressed about it anymore. I promise."

"Well, I'm here if you need me. You know that."

"Thanks."

"You're welcome and good night."

With a lighter heart, Joseph took off the car cover and started up his little Miata. As he warmed up the engine, he thought about Max driving one just like it. 'Will this yearning ache ever go away?' He sighed, put Max out of his mind, and thought of the evening ahead with Jennifer.

* * *

"It's been a wonderful evening, Joseph, even if the movie was horrid," Jennifer said. "Dinner was wonderful. Thank you."

They stood on the stoop holding hands. Jennifer looked up into Joseph's warm dark eyes and moved in to be kissed. Without hesitation Joseph embraced her and touched his lips to hers. He felt her quiver and realized that he was responding. The kiss lasted for several seconds before Jennifer pulled back. "My roomy is gone for the weekend. Would you like to come up for a while?" she asked.

Joseph thought about the condom in his pocket and wondered if things would go that far. Could he do it? He wanted to find out. "Sure, I'd love to," he said.

It all went smoothly until the moment of truth. He had torn the packet open and rolled the condom onto his hard cock. He looked down at Jennifer's beautiful slender body. He'd enjoyed rousing her by playing with her breasts as he rubbed his naked body against her's. His cock had been hard and throbbing as it pushed against her belly.

Jennifer raised her arms to welcome him. He moved forward and lay down on her. He felt her hand guiding him into her, and an image of Max doing the same thing invaded his thoughts. He felt himself withering. He fought vainly to get it to rise back up. It only got softer. He rolled to the side and threw an arm over his eyes. "I'm sorry. Jen. I really thought I could do this."

He turned and looked into her lust filled eyes and moved up to kiss her swollen lips. She mumbled that it was alright, but he knew that she wanted more from him. He glided his fingers over her smooth soft belly and down through her pubic hair and delved into her moist warmth. He felt for her clitoris. When he found it, he massaged it gently. She moaned into his mouth and pressed against him, fucking his finger. He pressed more firmly, rubbing up and down on it. With a gasp, she broke the kiss and arched her back, pressing her pelvis against his hand. She climaxed, and Joseph kept massaging. His cock got hard again and without thinking, he pressed the covered head into her. With a gasp, she pulled him in and pressed against his body.

He stroked in and out of her, gently controlling his movements.

He remembered reading somewhere that a woman couldn't take the hard fucking a man could, so he kept control of his movements. He couldn't help but compare how his cock felt in her to how it felt in Max. There was a vast difference. But he couldn't say at the moment that he preferred one over the other and wondered if he could really be bisexual.

With his head buried in her hair he powered into her. She climaxed over and over and he still wasn't near his own. When her whimpers turned to almost a whine he realized she couldn't take anymore. He pulled out and stripped the condom off his cock. With his eyes closed he masturbated himself to a climax all the while imaging Max's muscular little body beneath him. He shot his load, covering Jennifer's lithe body with his seed.

When he opened his eyes, he saw Jennifer smiling up at him, and tried to smile back. He fell to the side of her and closed his eyes again. She turned her head and kissed him on his forehead. "That was magnificent, Joseph. But it didn't really do it for you, did it?"

Joseph kept his eyes closed as he shook his head ever so slightly. "I'm sorry, Jennifer," he whispered.

Jennifer raised her hand and caressed the side his face. "That's alright, Baby, now you know what both sides are like and can know which you prefer."

He opened his eyes and stared at her. "You're not disappointed in me?"

"Joseph, you are my friend. I love you as such. And that was the best I've ever had. Not that I've had that many. But if I can find a straight man that can do what you did I'll be one of the luckiest girls in the world. Yes, I'm disappointed that you are gay. But no I'm not disappointed in what you just did to me."

Joseph rose up and kissed her. "You're so sweet. I wish I could be the man for you, but I'm not. But still I want to be close friends if you let me. I can still take you out for dinner, can't I?"

Jennifer wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back. "Of course, you may. And anything else you want to do."

Joseph blushed and sat up. "Let's just be friends."

Jennifer smiled her agreement, and patted his cute little butt as he moved to get off the bed. ~~~~

As Joseph walked back to his car he wondered how he would ever be able to tell Max about what he'd just done. He wondered if Max would understand that he'd felt compelled to find out if there was a chance he could lead a straight life. He knew that he'd be eternally grateful to Jennifer for helping him find out.