Robert sat glumly on the lower bunk in his cell, his back against the wall and his knees pulled up to his chest. He'd been moved to the county jail after his arraignment since he wasn't allowed bail. For five days he'd sat in a cell and cursed the day that he had met that damned faggot, Jake Shipman. Everything in his life had gone awry since that pervert, Shipman, had showed up.

It was Shipman's fault that he was sitting here in jail. It was Shipman's fault that he wasn't given bail. It was Shipman's fault that his wife was filing for divorce. It was Shipman's fault that his mother refused to come visit him. It was even Shipman's fault he couldn't sleep, because every time he closed his eyes he dreamed about him. Every time he thought about Jake Shipman a black-red anger boiled up that nearly blinded him. His dad was trying to get him to see a psychiatrist. He'd refused. God damn it, he wasn't crazy. He was pissed off, that was all.

By the sixth day of sitting in a cell, his anger began to cool down and he started to think logically. But where Jake was concerned he found it hard to be logical. If one could have delved into Robert's mental processes, one would have been surprised that there was no resentment or jealousy of his younger brother, Charley, for bringing Jake into his life or his having Jake's love. Robert was totally centered on Jake alone. Subconsciously, Robert knew that Jake wasn't responsible for anything that had happened, it was all his own doing. When he finally admitted that to himself, remorse for his rash actions began to set in. He then began to vacillate between rage and regret.

The blaring claxon and the clang of the cell block door opening intruded on his brooding thoughts. He paid no attention to the sound of two pairs of feet echoing down the hall until they stopped in front of his cell. He glanced up. The big black guard grinned at him and in a singsong, taunting voice, said, "Bobby. You've got a roomy." With a raucous laugh, he opened the door. Robert knew that the guard was referring to what often happened to the smaller man locked in a cell with a bigger stronger one.

Robert stared balefully at the man that was being placed in his cell and thought, 'Damn, he's big. Bigger than that fucking Shipman.' He took in the man's hairy arms and the abundance of hair sticking out of the v-neck of his overalls below his full neatly trimmed beard. 'He's hairy. Must be related to the Abominable Snowman, except the Snowman was never as handsome as he is. Even with a beard he's as good looking as Jake.' Robert ducked his head back down on his arms folded around his knees and cursed himself for having such thoughts.

The man stepped into the cell and the guard locked the door behind him and said, "Bobby, this is Les."

Roberts head shot up and he glared at the guard and his new cell mate. "My name is Robert."

The guard's laugh was raucous. "Oh yeah, I forgot. Les, that pissed off little piss ant is Robert." He drawled out the name, and then turned back to Robert, gave him a toothy grin and shook his head. "Damn man, you look like a Bobby to me." Robert glowered at him, but kept his mouth shut. The guard sauntered off chuckling.

Les stood inside the cell door with his bedding and towel draped over his arm. He studied the little man, huddled in on himself, sitting on the floor against the wall, then took note that Robert had occupied the lower bunk. "You don't mind if I take the top bunk, do you?" he asked. "I'm taller, it's easier for me to get up there."

The gentle baritone voice washed over Robert. He looked up suspiciously without raising his head any more than he had to. So far, he'd seen very little politeness between inmates. He'd expected to be told that the bottom bunk was going to be the big man's just because he was bigger. 'What's with this guy?' He wondered, then shrugged and said, "Go right ahead. Big dog takes the bone."

Les chuckled. "Only if he wants it."

"What's so funny?" Robert snapped.

"How long have you been in here, Rob?" Les asked, turning the conversation.

For the first time in many years Robert didn't correct the name. There was something soothing and gentle about Les' voice that made it not important.

"Since last Monday. But if you're counting time in city jail, I've been in jail since Saturday night." Robert answered. Why was he being friendly to this big man?

"Are you doing time or wouldn't they give you bail?"

Robert fought the feelings this man engendered. "Why don't you mind your own business?"

"Just trying to be friendly and get to know you, Rob."

The cool wave of Les's voice washed over Robert's fevered brain. He fought against the soothing tidal pull of it as he discovered that he liked the man calling him Rob. That disturbed him. He didn't know why. "And just why would you like to know me?" he growled.

"I just got sentenced to sixty days. We're going to be mates for a while. That's what that guard told me."

Robert grunted.

Les went about making his bed. When he finished he walked over to the bars and looked out. There wasn't much to see, but row after row of barred cells containing their shadowy inmates. He stood there with his arms resting through the bars ignoring the cute little fellow on the floor behind him. His heart had gone out to him when he first saw him. He looked so out of place. But the deep anger that emanated from him shied Les away.

After a while Robert couldn't take the silence. He stood and stretched. "So what did you do?" he asked, stretching out on his stomach on his bunk and looking up at Les.

Les turned and glanced over Robert's backside clad only in the thin orange cloth of the prisoner overalls. Liking what he saw, he cocked his head and smiled. "Now who's sticking his nose in someone else's business?"

Not noticing he'd just been cruised, Robert grimaced. "Sorry." He ducked his head and said, "I'm here without bail because I refuse to say I'm sorry for what I did."

"And what did you do, Rob?" Les moved to lean against the wall opposite the beds, with his hands behind his back.

Robert rolled onto his side. For a moment he glared defiantly at him and then dropped his gaze. "I hit my brother's faggot lover over the head with a lug wrench."

"Ouch, that could have killed him."

Robert felt like the man had hit him, he hadn't stopped to think that he could have killed Jake. Sure, he'd been charged with attempted murder, but that was because he refused to admit that he regretted doing it. It just hadn't sunk in that hitting Jake on the head with a tire tool could have killed him. Les's simple reaction drove the point home. He sat up, pressed his forehead against his knees, grasped his hands around his legs and rocked. '"Fuck. As angry as I got at Jake, I didn't want to kill him. I just wanted to...." He couldn't verbalize his desires.

Les slid down the wall until he was sitting on the floor and stretched out his long legs. He could hear Robert's quiet sobs, and didn't say anything more.

"I didn't want to kill him," Robert muttered. "I didn't. I just wanted......" Words became impossible as he sobbed harder.

Les scooted round to where he was kneeling next to the bed. He reached out a hand and rubbed the back of Robert's head. "Did you kill him, Rob?"

Robert looked up at him, horrified at the question. The gentle expression in the big man's face made him stop and ponder. "Dear God, I could have. I was so angry, I could have killed him," he whispered.

"But you didn't, did you?" Les's voice begged a negative answer.

"No, I didn't. He wasn't even very badly hurt. He was at my arraignment on Monday." The anger was back in his voice. "With my dad."

"What did he do that made you so angry, Rob?"

Robert glared at him. "He.... he...." What was it about this man that made him feel like this? He wanted to reach out and touch his face? As he thought about it, he remembered feeling the same way before, several times before, just like he had wanted to reach out and touch Jake's face the other morning at breakfast. Robert sat up and moved to sit at the head of the bed against the wall. "He made me feel things I shouldn't."

"What did he do to make you feel those things?"

Robert looked away. He stared at the institutional green wall over the stainless steel sink. He closed his eyes and Jake's face appeared. Those kind gentle eyes. Why did he have to have eyes that said they understood what he was feeling? He'd hidden from those feeling all of his life, and one look at Jake and he knew that Jake knew. He looked back at Les who had moved to sit on the end of his bunk. Robert didn't notice that he had moved. He looked into Les' eyes. "He looked at me like you do," he whispered.

"And how is that, Rob?"

"Like he could see into my innermost desires. Like he knew what I was feeling and that he understood."

Les held his gaze. He could see the stark naked desire in Robert's eyes. "So Rob, you think I can see into you?"

"I know you can," Robert whispered.

"You know there are no repercussions for you touching me. I know you want to touch me, Rob."

"I can't," he whispered, grasping his knees tightly against his chest and rocking.

"If you want to badly enough, you can."

"No." He rocked more forcefully and shook his head to emphasize the impossibility. "I can't."

"Is it alright if I touch you?" Les reached out a hand toward Robert's face. Robert froze. He looked at Les, his eyes filled with near-terror. Their eyes locked, and Robert felt himself leaning into the touch.

"Touch me, Rob. I want you to," Les whispered. He watched the hunger and need for a man's touch overpower his fears.

Robert relaxed the grip on his legs and slowly raised a hand, still gazing into Les' eyes. When his fingers touched Les' face something snapped, he let go of his fears and anger. Robert threw himself at Les, wrapping his arms around his neck and hugging him tightly. Les wrapped him in a protective hug and rubbed his back as sobs racked Robert's body. "Oh God, I'm so sorry, Jake. I didn't mean to hurt you. I just want to hold you. Please hold me," Robert blubbered into the side of Les's neck

Les gathered the smaller man off the bed and onto his lap. As he held him, he caressed the back of his head and kissed his cheek. Robert sighed and clung to his neck, his head resting on Les' shoulder. An occasional shudder shook his body. Time stood still for Les, his whole existence was centered on comforting this handsome little man. Eventually, Robert relaxed and indicated that he wanted to lie down, so Les lifted him onto the bed and then lay beside him. He held him against his body and made soothing sounds. Robert began to relax and finally slept. Les continued to hold him and eventually sleep overcame him, too.

The hours dragged slowly by after Dave had called about Charley and Johnny taking a limo from the airport. Jake eventually gave up on trying to write and decided to just relax and daydream for a while. The sun was getting low in the sky. He walked into the back yard and careful of his cracked ribs, collapsed into a chaise lounge and soon fell asleep.

He awoke to a soft tickle on his lips. Opening his eyes, he stared into Charley's. Jake raised his arms and pulled him down into a kiss. "Hi, Babe," Charley whispered, taking care to not put any weight on Jake's chest.

"Hi, yourself, Handsome."

"Miss me?"

Jake chuckled. "You'll never know how much. God, it's good to touch you again. I love you, Charley."

Charley knelt beside the chaise and studied Jake. Tears came to his eyes as he noticed the shaved areas cut out of his beautiful shiny brown hair. "Fancy haircut," he said to cover the emotion he was feeling.

"I was waiting to see what you think about just shaving my whole head and letting it all grow out evenly."

"When do you get the stitches out?"

"Tomorrow morning. Allen said to drop by his office and he'd pull them out for me."

"He's a shrink."

"He's also a medical doctor. He just doesn't practice medicine."

"Hmm. So let's go see a barber after that."

"So you think I should have my head shaved?"

"No. Just get a burr cut. The shaved areas are already growing out."

Jake raised a hand and caressed Charley's cheek. "I've missed you."

"Not half as much as I've missed you, Jake."

"Are your hungry?"

Charley gazed into Jake's luscious brown eyes. "I'm starved for you."

"You can have me for desert." Jake playfully blinked his eyes at him.

"Don't kid yourself Jake, You're my main course, entrees and dessert."

"Do you want some dinner first?"

Charley sighed and looked away from the chocolate depths he'd love to just drown in. "I haven't eaten since breakfast."

"So where would you like to go?"

Charley grinned. "Is there any place besides Gio's?" he asked sitting back on his heels.

"There is, but none as good." Jake said attempting to get up without turning over. He grunted as a sharp pain shot through his chest.

Charley stood and held out his hands. He felt an urge to scold Jake, but said nothing. He gently pulled him to his feet and into his arms. After a searing kiss he released him. "Then Gio's it is," he said taking his hand and leading him into the house.

Saturday morning, Robert woke in the predawn hours. Although he was confined by solid walls with no windows, his internal clock said it was around five a.m. He yawned, thinking last night was the first time since he'd been incarcerated that he'd slept well. He started to stretch and realized that he was being held against another body. Memory came flooding back. He turned his head and looked at the man lying next to him. Les looked even more gentle in his sleep. Robert started to kiss Les' cheek, then thought about it and felt disgusted with himself that he'd let his guard down.

Robert slipped out from under the man's arm, slid off the bed and slunk across the floor to sit against the wall. With his knees drawn up to his chest and his arms wrapped around his legs, he rested his chin on his knees and stared balefully at Les. It didn't matter that they were both fully clothed. He had slept with this man. How had the man gotten through his defenses?

How long he sat on the cold concrete floor staring at Les he had no idea. Anger and disgust filled thoughts at having awakened in Les' arms had dissolved into daydreams of what he'd subconsciously wanted to do with Les. He'd forgotten about Jake. When he realized that Les was watching him, the anger returned.

"Isn't it cold and uncomfortable down there, Rob?"

"Fuck off," Robert mumbled.

"I enjoyed holding you while you slept, and I think you enjoyed it as much as I did."

"Fuck you, I'm not a faggot."

Les sat up and stretched. "Come off it, Rob. You don't have to be a faggot to enjoy being held by another human being."

Robert glowered at him, but didn't say anything. Les sighed, rolled over facing the wall and went back to sleep until the claxon for breakfast woke him. The day went down hill from there, with the two men ignoring each other as much as possible.

At nine p.m. the lights were dimmed in the cell. Robert lay fully clothed on his bunk, his hands behind his head, staring at the bottom of the upper bunk. Les had ignored him all day. Robert couldn't blame him, after all he'd told him to fuck off. He thought about how good it had felt to be held by the big man last night. It had been the first time since he'd attacked Jake that he'd slept the full night. His self loathing flared. Anger momentarily blinded him. As the flare faded he wished for the ten thousandth time he could be like his younger brother and just accept his feelings and to hell with the world that told him his feelings were wrong. Frustrated tears flowed freely down his temples into his ears. He blinked them away as he warred with his emotions and desires. Sleep finally came to him.

Les lay with both hands tucked under his head and stared at the dark ceiling while he mulled over the events that had led him to this point. Three years of frustration ultimately ending in his partner's death had finally become too much. He'd drank too much one evening and when some stupid jerk tried a pick up line on him, he'd lost his cool and torn the bar up while raving about the injustice of letting a nitwit live while taking the love of his life. As he stared at the ceiling he grieved once again. Sleep finally giving him surcease.

Robert rolled out of bed, peed into the stainless steel toilet attached to the wall next to the stainless steel sink. Even without a window he knew it was still dark outside. There was no way he could go back to sleep and he'd had enough of staring at the underside of the bunk above him. He did his best to ignore the steel bars that imprisoned him as he sat on the floor with his knees pulled up to his chest, his arms crossed on top of them with his chin resting on his arms. His thoughts, adrift, turned to his two little sons. They were the light of his life. From nowhere came an image of Les holding his little three year old Tommy and smiling with delight when Tommy kissed him on his cheek. Robert frowned and forcefully turned his thought to his parents. He tried to imagine how they were coping with his arrest and an image of his dad shaking hands with Les while grinning at Robert who had Les's other arm draped over his shoulder popped into his head. He shook his head attempting to clear it of all thoughts. For a moment he succeeded and then up popped an image of Jake patting him on the back and then turning to hug Les before turning back to him with a big grin. Fortunately, at that moment, movement on the top bunk brought his attention back to the present. He found that his heart was thumping fast and hard. He forced it to slowdown as he watched Les stretch and let out a big yawn.

Les froze for a moment as he recalled where he was. He slid off the upper bunk turned to look down at Robert with a frown and then slipped out of the top of his coveralls. They fit tight enough they hung on his hips. Ignoring Robert's presence, he peed, then stepped to the stainless steel sink attached to the wall next to the stainless steel toilet, he washed his face, splashed his underarms, then took his towel from the hook next to the polished stainless steel mirror and walked over to the bars as he dried himself. Strolling back across the room he hung his towel back on the hook and went back to the bars. He'd noticed that Robert was watching him but he ignored him. He stuck his arms through the bars and rested them on the crossbar. Releasing a heavy sigh, he dropped his head against the cold metal.

Robert tracked Les's movement with his eyes. He wished that Les would say something to him. But Les acted like he was the only one in the room. Robert thought about saying something to him, but didn't want to risk being snubbed. He considered the similarities between Les, Jake and his brother Charley. They were all big men. They all accepted themselves. They were all loving and gentle. He wished he could be like them. And then as he pondered this, it occurred to him that there was nothing stopping him, except himself. He mulled this over for a while.

He'd been served papers Friday morning informing him that his wife was suing for divorce. He couldn't blame her. She knew that he didn't really love her like a man should love his wife. His kids he loved with his heart and soul. He knew he would miss being with them as much as he had in the past. But once he was out of jail, he hoped he'd get to see them fairly often. He wondered how much time he'd get for attempted murder. He wasn't guilty of that. Sure, he'd hit Jake over the head, but it wasn't with any force. And he did regret it. He really did. He wished that he'd hit Jeb instead.

He thought about Jeb. They had known each other since grade school. They'd learned about sex together. And then they had turned away from each other for several years. Robert knew that Jeb occasionally would hit the rest stops outside of town looking for a blow job. He wondered if Jeb ever returned the favor. Jeb had loved sucking on Robert's dick back in the eighth grade. Robert had always wanted to suck him in return, but because he was smaller than Jeb, he refused to; he didn't want the bigger kid taking advantage of him. After getting him off, Jeb always threatened to expose him, but Robert knew that Jeb was in no position to do that since he'd be outing himself, too. He wondered what it would have been like to suck Jeb back then. It was something he'd never know.

Robert studied Les as he stood at the bars. His back was muscular and covered with a light dusting of blonde hair. His wide shoulders tapered down to a narrow waist. The thin orange material of the coverall pants clung to his lower body. Robert admired the round globes of his ass. A desire to lay his face against them and caress them overwhelmed him. He started getting hard. His self loathing anger flared up. Robert consciously squashed it. Remembering what it had felt like to be held last night, he found himself wanting it again. He wondered what it would feel like to be naked, wrapped in Les's arms, snuggled against his naked chest. 'To hell with trying to be straight any longer,' he thought. 'I've already lost my wife and sons. There's no reason left to fight it.'

Robert cleared his throat. Les didn't move. "Les?" he said in a low voice. Les turned his head and looked at him. Robert couldn't tell what he might be thinking. "Can we talk?"

Les nodded, turned around, and leaned back against the bars. He folded his arms, stared at Robert and didn't say anything. Robert sat up and folded his legs. He couldn't help but admire Les's front even more than his back. Robert wished Les would say something, anything to make this easier. Les just looked at him, betraying no thought or emotion. Robert cleared his throat again. "I've been thinking," he said. Les almost nodded. "I'm a total fuck up. I've been fighting my proclivities for..."

"Proclivities?" Les asked with a raised eyebrow. "Big word."

"I've been fighting my inclinations," Robert glared at Les, daring him to say something. Les just grinned. "All of my life I've fought my natural self, my desires. I am throwing in the towel. I'm tired. I've lost the battle. My life is totally fucked up. I've lost my wife and kids. My job and family. I have no idea when I'll ever get out of jail. You offered me kindness and I blew you off. I'm sorry. If you could see your way to..."Robert broke down. Les didn't react. After a few minutes Robert looked up at him, his vision blurred with tears. "Please, Les."

"What are you asking for, Robert?"

"Hold me. Love me? Let me love you?"

"Are you sure this is what you want? You're not going to turn on me in the morning are you?" Les still hadn't moved.

Robert shook his head. Snot blubbered out of his nose and big tears rolled down his cheeks. He ran his bare arm across his upper lip and wiped it on his overalls. He nodded and the nod became a rocking motion involving his whole body. "Yes. Yes, I am sure. And... and I promise I won't change my mind," he said looking up at the big hairy man, his eyes begging, pleading.

Les pushed off the bars and knelt in front of Robert. He reached out and pinched the snot out of his nostrils and wiped it on his pant leg. With his thumbs he wiped the tears from Robert's cheeks. Pulling Robert's head toward his own he kissed him on the lips. Robert didn't respond. Les backed off and studied him. "This is a two man operation, Robby. You have to love me back."

Robert nodded vigorously. Les pulled him into another kiss and licked his lips. Robert felt very vulnerable, but he relaxed his lips and let Les's tongue enter his mouth. Robert closed his eyes and touched his tongue to Les's. It was like a switch turned on in his brain. This is what he wanted, needed and had refused to recognize. He began to make love to a man for the first time in his life.