Jim was frantic to untie himself before paralysis set in from the little pill that Jake had forced down his throat. His balls had gone numb already from the lack of blood circulation. As he scrambled to get the knot undone on his left ankle, he heard the front door slam shut, then Jake's chopper roar, and then fade. He thanked God that Jake at least knew how to tie a square knot. With a jerk on the last strap, the knot rolled open and he pulled it apart. He quickly untied his other ankle, leaped off the bed and ran into the bathroom. Yanking open the top drawer he searched frantically for a scalpel, one of those little surgical knives they use in surgery.

Finding one, he ripped it out of the sterile paper and plastic package it was sealed in. He sat down on the toilet lid and lifted his cock and peered at his taut testicles. The rubber band, while about an eighth inch wide, was so small in circumference that he had to pull the scrotum skin tight to see it. His hand was shaking so badly he thought he would probably castrate himself before he cut it. Steadying his nerves, he poked the point of the tiny blade at the black rubber band that was cutting the flow of blood into his balls. His nerveless hands were quivering. The point missed, and he yelped as it pierced the skin of his scrotum. Blood welled up and ran down the curve of his testicle covering the little black band. Jim grabbed a piece of toilet paper and dabbed off the blood, and then held it against the cut to stem the flow. Lifting the wad of paper, he checked to see if it had stopped bleeding. When no blood welled up, he guided the point with his left forefinger and thumb. The point pierced the band and it snapped apart.

He screamed from the pain caused by the blood rushing into his scrotum and testicles. Dropping the scalpel, he slid off of the toilet onto his knees and curled into a ball on the cold tile floor, coddling his precious jewels with both hands. He whimpered as the pain slowly dissipated. He lay there for several minutes recuperating from the fright of nearly losing his manhood. He eventually realized that the paralysis wasn't happening. 'Had Jake faked giving me the pill? He must have. Damn him, he was playing with me,' he thought. 'That was some damned serious game.' He scrambled to his feet and looked at himself in the mirror. His ball sac was a little red, but didn't look damaged. With a big sigh of relief he walked over to the bed. Yellow urine stained the middle of the bed where he'd peed on himself. He smirked knowing that the rubber sheet over the mattress had saved it once again. The straps dangling from the ends of the headboard drew his attention, he shuddered and swore to himself that never again would someone tie him up. He retrieved the scalpel from where he'd dropped it on the bathroom floor and cut them loose.

He thought about the horror that Jake had just put him though and swore he'd get revenge, then he remembered that what he'd done to Jake had been much more vicious and cruel. Jake had a right to be angry. Jim's own anger began to chill and he felt contrite. He questioned why he'd thought that Jake would enjoy what he'd done? Then he admitted to himself, he'd done it more as punishment for his disappearance with no explanation. Jake's pleasure had not been part of the equation. He wondered who Charley was.

His phone rang. He trotted to the dresser to retrieve it. It was old man Paolini demanding to know why he was late. 'Oh, hell!' he thought, realizing he should have been there forty- five minutes ago. "I'm sorry, Papa, I was tied up. I'll be there as soon as I can. Give me forty-five minutes. I'll be there."

"Well, hurry up," the petulant old man groused. "You know I hate eating alone."

Jim noticed a spot of white powder on the floor next to the bed. He pushed it with his toe. 'The pill?' he wondered and knelt and touched a finger to the powder. "I'm on my way," he said and disconnected.

Back in the bathroom, he examined himself before getting into the shower. Other than a black eye, a sore jaw, little abrasions on his wrists and smelling like piss he was okay. Feeling his tender testicles, he wondered how Jake was doing, and if his revenge had gotten him over his anger. He knew he'd have to apologize. Whether Jake would accept it or not, he didn't know.

After quickly showering, Jim mounted his Harley and sped across town to the Paolini house. Jim had been hired really just to be a companion for the elderly patriarch of the Paolini family after he'd finished his stint of taking care of Pete. It wasn't like the old man was incapacitated or had a disability. Papa Joe had long ago insisted on living in the guest house at the back of the estate. He hadn't wanted to go on living in the manse after his wife died, so he'd given it to his only son and his family.

Jim grinned to himself recalling the old fellow telling him how he'd spied on his youngest granddaughter sitting in the gazebo with that young whippersnapper nephew of Dave Gates. "I had my cane ready to use on that boy if he started getting fresh with young Eve. But it was Eve that kissed him first, so I let them be. They didn't do more than kiss and talk a lot." Jim had thought the elderly man had sounded a bit disappointed, but marked it up to his own imagination.

Papa was sitting on a garden bench looking petulant when Jim rode his Harley up and parked by the side of the garage. Angie stuck her head out the back door and asked if he was all right. He assured her he was and apologized for being so late. "I got tied up and it took a lot longer than I thought to get loose. I guess I lost track of the time," he told her. 'If she only knew that it was the gospel truth,' he thought and shuddered. He smiled at Angie and headed into the garden to attend the old fellow. Papa grinned when he saw the black eye. He grabbed Jim's hand and examined the red abraded skin on his wrist. "You're a kinky bastard, son. But you don't lie," he said and laughed. Jim found himself blushing.

I rode back to my apartment, my anger had depleted, depression and despondency crushed my chest. I could still feel the effects of the pill on my muscles. I stumbled into the bedroom and curled up into a ball in the middle of the bed and stared into oblivion until I finally slept. Sometime later, the idiotic tune Charley had put on my cell phone awakened me. I picked it up and looked at it. Charley's name flashed on the little screen. I remembered how I had responded to Jim last night and it disgusted me. There was no way I could talk to Charley. Enraged, at myself, I threw the phone. It stopped playing that insipid tune. I just felt so tired. Sleep was the only thing I wanted. I curled back up with a pillow over my head and slipped back into a fitful slumber.

I don't know how long I slept. I awakened enough once to drag myself into the bathroom to relieve myself. I woke up again to someone banging on my door and calling my name. Pulling the pillow back over my head, I ignored it and slept again.

My mother was scolding me for wetting the bed. "I'm sorry mommy I didn't mean to," I cried, certain that I was going to get a spanking. Instead she ran her fingers though my hair and kissed me on the forehead. "It doesn't matter," she said. "Soon it won't matter at all. Go back to sleep, little man." I faded back into blissful sleep.

Jim was coming toward me. He had grown. Now he was twice my size. He held his huge hard dripping cock as if it were a dagger, a monstrous blunt dagger. He was going to impale me with it. I tried to crawl away, but hands held me down. I looked to see whose. Charley's two brothers, Tom and Robert, held me fast. Gloria, Charley's mother, held my head so I couldn't turn away. She was screeching at me. "I told you that you were no good. I knew you'd end up hurting, my baby. You are worthless, Jake. You can't even take it like a man. You deserved what you got." And there was Charley and Chess, his father, observing.

I screamed in protest as Jim rammed his monster cock up my butt. They all laughed at me as the pain turned to exquisite pleasure and I begged for more. Charley and his family walked away in disgust, leaving me to Jim and his dripping pole. He wiped it across my face. "You're disgusting Jake. You're not even worth a fuck. No wonder Charley doesn't want you." He laughed and walked away, too. I could only lie there and cry while his laughter echoed on and on. Eventually oblivion, blackness and silence, settled over me.

I became aware of someone in the room. He yelled at me. Although I wanted to, I couldn't respond. I heard talking, it sounded urgent, but I couldn't decipher what was being said. It didn't matter. I sighed and sought more soporific sleep.

Jim had spent the last four days reconciling his life. The near loss of his testicles and Jake's clemency had set him on his head. He spent the first couple of days being angry. As he got over the anger he began to see the kind of person Jake really was. For so long he'd thought of him as just a really good fuck buddy. And then when he disappeared, he began to miss him, not just the fucking, God knows he missed that, but the gentle, caring man himself. Jim shuddered recalling how he'd driven Jake to nearly castrating him.

He knew that he needed to apologize to Jake and make amends. When he left the Paolini's that afternoon he decided to change clothes and go talk to Jake. As he rode up on his Harley, he noticed Jake's motorcycle parked in front of his door. 'Ah, good, he's home,' Jim thought. He rang the doorbell, but got no answer. He banged on the door and called out. Still there was no answer. He started to turn away when he noticed the mail box next to the door was overflowing and there was a bundle of mail laying on the stoop under it. This was strange. Something was wrong here. Jake was just too meticulous to ignore the mail.

He turned and looked at the bike. It was covered in a layer of dust. It was obvious Jake hadn't been near it in days. Something was wrong. Jake's words echoed through his mind, "I told you what I wanted and you ignored me." "You selfishly took what you wanted and left me with nothing." "Do you think there is any way I can face Charley after last night?" "There's no forgetting, Jim. There is no forgiving either. You took my life away from me last night." "Remember, I have nothing left to live for, so I won't be losing anything."

Jim began to feel panicky. 'Oh God! I hope he hasn't killed himself.' He ran to the manager's office and pounded on his door until the man appeared, and demanded that he open Jake's apartment. The man hesitated. Jim yelled, "He might still be alive. For Christ's sake, stop stalling." The manager grabbed his keys and ran to Jake's door and unlocked it. Jim barged past him, yelling for Jake, only to be met with silence. He burst into the bedroom and paused when he saw Jake lying in the middle of his bed, in a fetal curl, fully

clothed. He reeked of urine. He ran to the bedside and shook Jake's leg. "Hey, wake up." There was no response.

As a nurse, Jim's first action was to feel for a pulse. He sighed with relief when he found one. He ordered the apartment manager to find a phone and call 911. Stat. He then rolled Jake onto his back. Jake looked like a cadaver. His skin was dry as a fallen leaf. His cheeks were sunken in. Jim ran to the kitchen and grabbed an ice tray from the freezer and dropped the cubes into the sink. Taking a heavy glass he crushed one, scooped up the small pieces and ran back to Jake's side and forced a piece of ice into his mouth. There was no response. Jim started silently praying he wasn't too late, that Jake wasn't too far gone to recover.

As he waited for an ambulance, he wondered if the after effects of the little pill he'd given Jake had done this. 'Fuck no, I did this.' he thought, with a shudder. And then he remembered the vial with the two other pills. Jake had stuck it into his back pocket. Jim pushed his hand into Jake's right hand back pocket and found the tiny vial. He rushed into the bathroom, emptied the two pills into the toilet and dropped the vial in, too. He sighed with relief as he watched them disappear. No one else would go through what he had put Jake through.

When the emergency medics rushed into the room, Jim identified himself as a nurse and told them Jake was dehydrated. They immediately started a saline I.V. Jim watched them move Jake onto a gurney and put him into the ambulance. He then had to give a statement to the police officer. He said nothing about what had transpired between him and Jake. Nor did he mention the pills.

By the third night that Jake hadn't called and didn't answer any calls, Charley called the bookstore and inquired if they knew anything. They knew nothing. They hadn't seen him since the last book signing session. Charley wished that he'd paid more attention to names, he couldn't recall Jason's last name. The only person's name he knew in full was Jim Provost's. He wasn't about to call him...yet. He couldn't recall Jake ever mentioning the name of the apartment complex he lived in. The fourth night he sat and nursed a few beers while he contemplated what to do and fell asleep in his club chair.

The next morning, nursing a hangover and a stiff neck, he went to the Station and tendered his resignation, telling everybody he'd decided to go back to school. He turned in his badge and ID, gave his uniforms to a fellow cop, and left. After packing a few clothes and essentials, he threw it all into the cab of his pickup and loaded his Harley. As he was double checking to make certain all the utilities were turned off, his phone rang. His heart skipped as he prayed it was Jake. "Charley Hill," he answered.

"Hey, Son, I haven't seen or heard from you in over a week. How are you? And how's Jake?"

Charley silently cursed. He hadn't thought of anyone except Jake for days. "I'm okay, Pop. I quit the force this morning. I...."

"You what?"

"Pop, I haven't heard from Jake for nearly a week. I'm going crazy. Something's wrong. I've got to go find him."

Chess was silent as he digested what his son had just blurted out. "Did you two have an argument?"

"No, Pop, the last time we talked we discussed whether he was coming here or if I was going over there for a few days. He insisted that he wanted to come over here, but there were a few things he had to take care of first. Then nothing."

"Did you make inquiries with the Highway Patrol, State Police, Hospitals?"

"No....I didn't."

"Why don't you do that before you go running off?"

"I guess I should."

"It would be the sensible thing to do, Son. Listen, I'm on my way over. You don't need to be alone in this."

"Thanks, Pop."

He flopped into the big club chair and stared at the phone. Fearful of what he might find out, he'd intentionally not called any of the places mentioned by Chess. Picking up his Rolodex, he found the number for the State Highway Patrol first and after identifying himself as Officer Charles Hill of the Kirksville Police, he inquired if there had been any accidents involving a motorcycle between University City and Kirksville. After receiving a negative, he repeated the process with the UniCity Police.

As he hung up after getting another negative on the second call, he heard two cars pull into his drive way. He ambled to the door to greet his Dad. Gloria, his mother was right behind him. He hugged his dad and received a kiss on the forehead. He received a peck on the cheek from his mother as she said, "I knew that man would end up hurting you. I told him that, didn't I?" He sighed as he hugged his mother.

Even though Jim wasn't a member of the nursing staff, he had no trouble getting into Jake's room unnoticed. He stood at the foot of Jake's bed and simply looked at the gaunt features of the handsome man. He prayed that Jake would recover and would have no ill effects from whatever had caused him to be in this condition. Eventually, he picked up the clipboard hanging at the foot of the bed and read the doctors prognosis. Once he saw that Jake was going to live, he sighed with relief. As he watched the monitors he realized that if Jake was going to mentally recover from the rape, this Charley had to be here to help put Jake back on track. He prayed that this Charley felt as strongly about Jake as Jake felt about him. When he left the hospital, he sped over to Pete and Jason's. If anyone knew how to contact Charley it would be Jason.

"I have a strong feeling that he is in the hospital because of something you did." Jason replied when Jim had told him about Jake being in the hospital and had asked about how to contact Charley. "Why do you want that number, Jim?"

He was no longer arrogant, not even to the diminutive Jason. Jake's reaction and Jim's guilt over what he had done and his contemplation of his actions had humbled him. "You're right, Jason, it is my fault. I think that Charley is the only one that can set things right again. I've got to talk to him. Please, Jason."

"What in hell did you do to Jake?"

"I can't tell you right now. Please, just give me the number."

Jim looked so contrite that Jason pulled out his cell phone and hit the auto dial, and handed the phone to him.

Charley pulled away from his mother with a look of impatience. "Mom, Jake hasn't hurt me. Something has happened to him."

"I think he has abandoned you. He's just a wandering vagabond. He rode into town on that big motorcycle, stole your heart and left."

"Mom, cut the drama. Jake is a published author. His latest book has been number four on the New York Times Best Seller List for the seventh week." Charley gave his dad a pleading look.

"Gloria, lay off. Charley doesn't need you adding to his distress," his dad said.

"Chess, I've said I don't trust that man. He's....."

Chess held up both hands warding off his wife's words. "Gloria, if you can't be supportive, go home."

Gloria turned to Charley. "I'm sorry, Baby," she wheedled. "I just can't stand to see you hurting."

"Mom, your talking bad about Jake is what hurts. Can't you understand? Your attitude is what's hurting me."

"Oh," she said in a meek little voice.

"Gloria, Please. Just sit down and be quiet while we consider what needs to be done," Chess said.

Gloria seated herself on the sofa, Charley sat down in the club chair and scrubbed his face while Chess paced in front of the fireplace. No one said a word for several minutes. The jangle of Charley's cell phone jarred the still room. Charley picked it up. "Charley Hill."

"Charley, you don't know me, but I'm a friend of Jake Shipman's. My name is Jim Provost."

"I am aware of who you are, Provost." He had a hard time keeping hostility out of his voice.

"Yeah?" Jim bristled. He swallowed hard and forced his irritation aside. "Well, I'm calling to tell you that Jake is in the hospital in intensive care."

"What's wrong with him?"

"I would like to tell you that to your face."

"If you have harmed him. I promise, you will pay for it."

"I didn't harm him physically, But I'm afraid I am responsible for what he did."

"Explain," Charley demanded.

Ignoring the demand, Jim asked, "How long will it take you to get here?"

"At least five or six hours."

"I will be waiting for you in the hospital lobby. That's the University Hospital. And, Charley?"

"What?"

"Jake is going to be okay."

"Thanks. I'll be there ASAP." Charley closed his phone and stuck it in his shirt pocket and looked at his dad. "Jake's in the hospital." The love and concern in his father's face brought Charley's tears to the surface.

"Is he going to be okay, Baby?" Gloria asked from the sofa.

Charley turned to his mother. "You know..." He chewed on his lower lip and shook his head. "I'm twenty-seven years old. I think you can drop that name, Mom. Yes, Jake will be okay."

"I don't know why you have such animosity towards me these days. What have I done?" she whined.

"I'm leaving for UniCity in a little while. Think about it while I'm gone, Mom. Maybe you can figure it out."

Chess placed a loving arm around his shoulders. "Relax, Charley, you've found him. That's what matters."

"I've got to get going."

"I'm going to drive you over there." Chess informed him.

"I'd really enjoy the company, Pop."

"Well, it will make me feel better knowing that you get there in one piece." Chess turned to his wife. "Would you lock up, Dear? And call Tom and Robert to let them know what's happening. If we're going to get there in five hours we've got to get moving. I need to stop at the house to change and pack a few things."

"Of course I will, Chess. You just take care of my b...son." Gloria hugged and kissed her husband, and then hugged her son. "Charley, I hope Jake is going to be okay. I really do."

"Thanks, Mom. I love you." He kissed her on her cheek.

Her eyes glistened with unshed tears as she watched her son and her husband climb into Charley's pickup and speed off.

Within forty-five minutes the two men were on the road. Charley was sitting with his hands clinched between his knees as he leaned forward as though the position would speed them in getting there. Chase held the speed at an even seventy-two miles an hour.

"I assume Jake is in a coma since he's in intensive care?"

"I don't know, Pop. I didn't get much information from Jim."

"Who exactly is this Jim?" Chase asked, breaking a twenty minute silence.

"He's...uh...a friend of Jake's."

Chess studied his son for a moment and then turned his eyes back to the road. "He wasn't more than just a friend?"

"Yeah, they were more than just friends. But they were never lovers. Jim wouldn't allow that."

"So they were just fuck buddies."

Charley stared his dad. Chess glanced at him with a smirk. "Didn't mean to shock you, Son. I'm not just a stodgy old lawyer, you know. I played around a bit in my younger days..... before I met your mother."

Charley just continued to stare in disbelief at his dad. Chess grinned, a bit embarrassed. "Why do you think it was so easy for me to accept you and Jake?"

Charley didn't answer. He stared out the window paying little attention to the farms and rolling hills as the miles rolled by, remembering going through puberty. He'd had a crush on his oldest brother Tom, and his dad, in those times. He recalled how he had masturbated wondering what his dad looked like naked, if he looked like Tom. He'd seen him naked a lot when he was still living at home, before Tom graduated and went off to college. He grinned to himself wondering how his dad would react if he told him about his teenage crush on him. He got a little rise thinking about his dad in bed with another man. The thought made him blush.

Chess noticed Charley's darkened complexion and asked, "Are you alright, Son?"

"Yeah, Dad, I was just letting my mind wander into things it shouldn't."

"I didn't mean to embarrass you."

"You didn't. I embarrassed myself."

Chess chuckled. Charley blushed again. Chess reached over and cupped his son's neck and pulled him over and kissed him on the forehead. "We have all gone through those thoughts, Charley. It's only natural."

Charley sat up and smiled. "You are always one step ahead of me, Dad."

"Hey, I'm your father, I'm supposed to be."

"Thanks for coming with me."

Chess studied Charley a moment. Their eyes communicated silently. "You're my son. I'd do anything to assure your happiness," Chess said aloud.

Charley smiled and ducked his head, praying that Jake would be okay. The miles sped by with the two men comfortable with the silences in between the bits of conversation. In just over six hours they pulled into the hospital parking lot.

When Jason and Pete met up for lunch, Jason eagerly told Pete about Jim's begging to talk to Charley. "He refused to tell me what he'd done to Jake to put him in the hospital, and when I connected him with Charley Hill through the number that Jake had given me, he refused to tell him over the phone, too. So, whatever he did he's going to tell Charley to his face."

"I wonder what happened. Did Jim look like he'd been in a fight?"

"Well, his right eye looked like it had been blacked a little over a week ago. He did say that he'd hurt Charley as well as Jake."

"Hmm. It must have been something sexual." Pete surmised.

"Do you suppose he raped Jake? But Jake is so much bigger and heavier."

"There are ways to subdue a man without force."

"God. Do you really think that Jim would use drugs?"

Pete shrugged.

Jim sat on the padded bench beside the elevators, his forearms resting on his thighs as he crimped the rim of an empty plastic coffee cup whose contents he'd swallowed over an hour before. He knew he should be sitting in jail for what he'd done. He mentally shuddered for the thousandth time. What could he have been thinking when he'd purchased those pills. He was a nurse. He knew better.

He thought back to the time he was in nursing school. He'd been so in love with a big controlling hunk then. They had been seeing each other for nearly six months when the guy had just cut off the relationship, informing him he was going back to his wife. Jim hadn't even been aware that the man was married. It had devastated him. Swearing he'd never get emotionally involved with another man, he put his whole life into finishing nursing school. Then he met Jake. He could easily have given him his heart, but afraid of being hurt again, he flatly refused to let Jake in.

When Jake had disappeared, Jim had realized how much he had lost. He initially blamed the loss on Jake. Jake was the one who had walked out. Jim realized how fucked up his thinking had been to punish Jake for his own failings. Now he could only pray that Jake wouldn't press charges.

He'd called Charley Hill over seven hours ago and he was still waiting for his arrival at the hospital where Jake lay in the intensive care ward. He had no idea how things would go with this Charley fellow. He knew nothing about him except that he was Jake's new lover. Jim had resigned himself to taking a beating if that was what Charley chose to do after hearing his confession. He knew much worse could happen if Jake and Charley decided to pursue legal channels. Not only would he lose his nurse's license, he could end up doing a long time in jail if he were prosecuted.

He felt, rather than heard, the lobby doors open and looked up to see a tall blonde muscular god hesitate and look around the lobby. Behind him was an older, slightly shorter, version. Jim sucked in his breath as his eyes connected with the handsome blonde's. He dropped the paper cup on the bench as he nodded to the unasked question in the man's eyes. He stood and walked toward the two men. The blonde god walked toward him, but the older man hung back, observing.

"Jim Provost?" the man asked, not offering his hand. His baritone voice resonated through Jim's being.

"Yes. You are Charley Hill?"

Charley nodded.

"Let's go into the cafeteria and talk," Jim said.

"I'd like to see Jake first."

"He's still in intensive care. I'm sorry, they won't allow you in to see him."

Charley slumped.

"It's a stupid hospital rule," Jim explained.

Chess caught up with them at that point and put his arm around his son who just stared at the floor. "Take it easy, Son. Let's go get a cup of coffee and listen to what Mr. Provost has to tell you."

Charley allowed Jim to lead them to the cafeteria. Chess volunteered to get coffee. Jim picked a quiet corner away from the other people and pulled a chair out and motioned for Charley to sit and then took a chair on the other side of the table.

Jim studied the table top a few moments and then looked up to meet Charley's hostile stare.

"I've been sitting in the lobby since I called you, thinking about how to tell you about what occurred. I guess I should preface with a little history."

Chess arrived with three cups of coffee. Jim looked up at him with an uneasy expression.

"This is my dad, Chester Hill. He knows the whole story. So feel free to say what you have to say," Charley said.

As Chess sat down next to his son, Jim introduced himself and shook hands with him.

Jim cleared his throat and looked from one man to the other before he spoke. "I don't know of any easy way to say this. So I'm going to be blunt and shoot straight from the hip." He cleared his throat again and then started telling how he and Jake had met. "I told Jake from the beginning that I didn't want a lover. He seemed to accept that for a long time. Once he made overtures, telling me that he was in love with me. I shut him down. He seemed to accept that for a long while and them about three... no it was a little over five months ago, the day he disappeared, he came onto me again. I shut him down again. He left in a huff and I didn't see or hear from him again until I took him out for dinner the other night. I'd heard a month or so ago that he was in town for a couple of days starting a book signing tour." Jim swirled the coffee in his cup and took a small swig and grimaced at the taste. "I know it was crazy, but I was feeling like a rejected lover even though I'd been consistent in telling him that we weren't." Jim stirred his coffee, lost in thought, and then looked up at Charley and said, "Jake is a natural bottom."

"For Christ's sake, this is my father your saying that in front of."

Jim turned to Chess. "I'm sorry, Sir, if this is offensive to you, but it's at your and your son's insistence that you're here."

"I know what a bottom is, tell it like it is."

"Well, Jake has this need. And I was always happy to help him with it. We never got into any S and M, or anything like that, but I thought he would enjoy a little helpless fucking."

It was obvious to Chess that Jim was having a lot of inner turmoil. He glanced at his son. Charley's expression was simply a hard emotionless stare. It made Chess shudder, he's seen that expression on a man's face when he was practicing criminal law. The man had been confessing to the premeditated murder of his wife.

Jim continued talking, he looked at the ceiling and everywhere except at the two men sitting across from him. "Shit. Who am I fooling. I did it in anger to get a little revenge for him leaving. A buddy had offered me these little pills that render a person physically helpless while all their senses are still alert." He thought to himself, 'There's no damned way in hell I'm going to admit I bought them.' "I took Jake out to dinner and slipped one into his beer just before leaving. I didn't know how quickly the pill would work and by the time we got to his apartment he was losing muscular control. I almost had to carry him from the door to his bed."

Jim looked down at the table, picked up the cup and took another quick swig of the bitter coffee. He looked straight into Charley's eyes. There was no challenge to the look, just straight forward honesty. "I stripped him and fucked him. He was protesting. I ignored it." He paused studying his cup of coffee. "I guess that makes me a rapist, doesn't it?"

The question seemed to release a spring under Charley. He abruptly stood, knocking his chair over, and leaned across the table to grab the front of Jim's shirt. "God damned fucking right it does. I'd kill your stupid ass if I thought I could get away with it," he hissed. Chess grabbed his son's wrists and forced him to let go and sit down. The people sitting around the room turned to gape at the outburst.

"It's all right folks. Just a little emotional out burst." Chess announced to the room. Everyone turned back to what they were doing, but continued to keep a wary eye on the three men.

"You're a registered nurse playing around with illegal drugs. If you think your getting away with this you are wrong. I'm going to see your stupid ass in jail." Charley stated.

Chess rubbed his back. "Calm down, Son."

"He drugged and raped Jake, Dad."

"I understand that. There's plenty of time for action later. Let's hear what else he has to say."

Jim had buried his face his hands. When neither man said another word he glanced at them. "I deserve whatever you throw at me." Chess and Charley just looked at him. "I felt like a turd after I left Jake. I'd let my libido over rule my sensibilities and I was feeling rotten for what I'd done."

"It was premeditated rape," Charley hissed.

Jim looked at him and nodded. There were a few moments of uncomfortable silence before he continued.

"He showed up on my doorstep the next morning looking and acting like he wanted more. All my guilty feelings flew. I grabbed him and started some rough foreplay on his tits. Jake hit me with both fists. Next thing I knew I was tied, spread eagle, on my bed with my head throbbing from being K.O.'d. Jake grinned evil as hell at me while he poured ice water on me.

"I thought he was going to do a turnabout and rape me, but he had other ideas." Jim closed his eyes and shuddered, hard. He shook his head. "I hadn't listened to what he was saying the previous evening. But every word he said while I was tied to that bed is burned into my memory." He paused and looked both men in the eyes. "I promise God that I will never ignore someone saying "No" to me again. I was filled with remorse just listening to the great sadness in Jake's voice. And then he told me he was going to give me a lesson that I would never forget. He was going to geld me."

The two Hills looked dubious. "What's that?" Charley asked. Jim closed his eyes.

"Castrate, that's what they call it when it's done to a horse. Jake was going to castrate him," Chess answered.

"He pulled this pliers-like device out of his rear pocket and a little zip-lock bag of tiny rubber O-rings. I watched in horror as he took one little ring and put it on the device and stretched it. But before he put it on me he demanded the little vial that held three more of the pills that I had given him the previous night. He carefully rolled one into his palm and held it up for me to see. And then he forced my jaw open and stuck his thumb and finger to the back of my mouth and commanded me to swallow. I tried to refuse, but he poured water into my mouth, forcing me to swallow.

"He played with that shiny chrome tool, holding it up to let me see how it would stretch the tiny band. He talked for a while. It was crazy. There was such great sadness in his voice as he talked about how he loved you, how he'd promised to not have sex with me again. And then his voice turned icy as he told me in detail how my balls were going to shrivel, and just drop off. He cried, telling how I'd killed any chance he had of making a life with you.

"He loves you, Charley. You've got to be there for him when he wakes up. It wasn't his fault I fucked him again. And I apologize to you for doing it, for making him break his word." Jim was weeping at that point.

"I'm here for Jake. I didn't come four hundred and thirty-two miles just to hear you feeling

sorry for yourself. So, I take it he didn't put that rubber ring on your balls."

Jim looked up at Charley. "You think that at this point I'm feeling sorry for myself? To hell with that. I am regretting what I did to Jake. Yes, he put that rubber ring on my balls and let me sweat it a few minutes while I was waiting for the paralysis from the pill to take over my body. But in the end he untied one of my hands. After I got loose I discovered the powdered pill on the floor.

"In my own warped way I love that man more than anyone else in the world. I want to see him happy with you, Charley Hill. The man loves you. And I can see that you feel the same way about him. Yeah, I fucked up. And I'll take the consequences. But first, I want to do everything I can to rectify what I have done to him. And I.... I need your help to do that."

"You still haven't told me why he is in intensive care. What happened to him?"

"I am a registered Nurse. I am qualified to work in any section of the hospital, from surgery to OB. I choose to take care of people outside of the hospital. I've read all of the doctor's notes. And knowing what I do, I suspect that the pill had an adverse effect on his depression. I think he wanted to sleep it off and simply didn't wake up. He was so dehydrated when I found him that he had to be hospitalized. Right now they have him in a medically induced sleep until his body regains a lot of its moisture."

"He doesn't have any family. He was an only child and both of his parents are dead. All he's got is me. I've got to be allowed at his side when he wakes up," Charley said to no one in particular.

"And he has me--- if he will let me still be his friend."

"That's entirely up to Jake." Charley's voice was still cold.

There was quiet around the table as each man pondered what to do next.

"Charley, I think I can pull some strings to get you in there," Jim said.

"How?" Charley asked.

"Let me make a phone call." Jim pulled out his cell phone and searched for a number and then dialed it. "Good afternoon, Mr. Gates, this is Jim Provost."

Pause.

"Thank you, Dave. Are you familiar with the name Jake Shipman?"

Pause.

"Yes, that's him. He's in the hospital in intensive care."

Pause.

"He's under sedation. He's suffering from dehydration."

Pause.

"Well that's a long story I'd rather not get into right now."

Pause.

"The problem is he has no living relatives, however his lover's sitting here in the lobby, but he's not allowed on the floor with Jake."

Pause.

"Thank you, Dave. I knew that if there was anybody that could help, it would be you."

Pause.

"Yes, Sir, I will tell him." Jim turned to Charley. "That was Dave Gates. He said to tell you that he would take care of the problem. Not to worry."

Charley studied Jim. "I feel like I should be thanking you, and at the same time I want to rearrange your face."

Jim looked him in the eyes. "I don't want your gratitude. I'm just trying to rectify the harm I've done. I won't resist if you need to punch my lights out. But I think we should take it outside if that's what you want to do."

Charley sighed. "No. I'm not going to get physical. What happens from here will be up to Jake."

At that moment they were interrupted by a man approaching their table and introducing himself as Dr. Chestnut.

"May I sit down?" he asked.

Charley pulled the chair out and gestured for him to sit.

"I am the staff psychiatrist. When a patient attempts suicide I am called in to deal with it. Dave Gates called me and informed me that I should be talking to you fellows."

Dr. Chestnut visited with the three men for a few minutes and then made separate appointments for Jim and Charley to meet with him the next morning and then left.

As he walked away a nurse came into the room, looked around and headed for the table where the three men sat.

"Are one of you Charles Hill?"

Charley left with the nurse, leaving Chess sitting at the table with Jim. Chess studied the younger man sitting across the table. Jim took great interest in swirling the dregs in his coffee. He wondered what this handsome older man thought of him after his revelations. He glanced up at Chess. When he didn't see any animosity in Chess's eyes, he asked, "So where are you and Charley staying?"

Chess cleared his throat. "Well, I kind of figured that we would find a motel nearby."

"Since Jason and Jake are such good pals, I would think that Jason and Pete would probably want to have you stay with them. They're living in Dave's big four bedroom house. Would you mind if I called them?"

Chess was a little hesitant to be accepting the hospitality of strangers. "I think that Charley should be consulted on this," he said.

"Hey, they're both wonderful boys. Jason and Jake are close friends. Besides Charley doesn't need the hassle of living in a motel right now. And they live just a couple of blocks away."

Before Chess could respond Jim pulled out his cell and dialed Jason.

"Of course, they are welcome." Jason responded on hearing the situation. "Any friend of Jake's is a friend of mine and that goes for his lover and his lover's father, too." Jason replied. Jim shook his head. He wasn't sure that Jason had meant that as a barb, but it sure stung. He had admired and liked the little guy from the moment they had met, but had a hard time dealing with him as an equal because of his diminutive size.

Jim called the intensive care ward and asked the nurse to inform Charley that he was taking his father to get settled in and that his dad would be back in a couple of hours to take him to dinner.

Chess sat back and studied Jim as he made his calls. When Jim noticed, he raised his eyebrows in question as he closed his cell phone.

"You're not employed by this hospital. How did you get in to read Jake's records?" Chess asked.

Jim shrugged. "It was easy. As a student I worked up there a good while. I knew just where I was going. So I dressed in whites and simply walked into his room, checked on him, read the records and left. No one the wiser."

Chess shook his head and continued to stare at him. "I can't quite figure you out. You seem like a very honorable, likable man, even if you are a take charge bulldozer." He smiled to take the sting out of the barb. "I am having difficulty imagining you drugging and raping another human being."

Jim played with his empty coffee cup. When he looked up at Chess he had tears in his eyes. "I never meant to hurt Jake. I was hurt and angry that he'd abandoned me. Our relationship was rough and tumble. Sometimes the sex was gentle and loving, but mostly it was just good hard sex, no emotions involved."

"On your part! It sounds to me like Jake was trying for more."

"No, I think most of the time it was just sex for him, too. Once in a while he'd start getting romantic notions, but I always set him straight."

"But why the pills? You of all people should know better than to play around with drugs."

"I was stupid. I let a buddy convince me that they were harmless with no after effects. I never stopped to consider that they'd work differently on different people. It obviously affected Jake adversely. After the adrenalin rush from his anger had passed, he obviously sank into a deep depression. Jake would never just give up like that. It had to have been the drug."

"You realize that you will lose your nurse's license and probably spend some time in jail."

"I know. And I am willing to take the punishment. Jake nearly died." Jim studied his hands and then looked up at Chess. "I do love him, you know."

When Charley entered Jake's room and saw him looking like a corpse, his heart lurched. If it hadn't been for the beep of the heart monitor and slow rise and fall of his chest, Charley would have thought he was dead. The nurse patted his shoulder, adjusted the sheet over Jake's chest and left them alone. He walked up to the bedside and took Jake's hand. It was dry and papery feeling. His face was gaunt and aged. Tears rolled down Charley's cheek. "Oh, Jake, how could you do this?" he whispered.