Pete gently snored as he lay on his back. In the early morning light Jason lay on his side snuggled against Pete with his head resting on his shoulder, watching his chest rise and fall. It had taken him hours to go to sleep with all the thoughts that had been tumbling through his head, and he'd still awakened with the first light.
Last night he'd gotten a call from a woman that told him she had been living with his father. The old man was in the hospital. Delirium Tremens she'd said. Cirrhosis she'd said. He's dying she'd said.
Jason rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling. Thinking back to the last time he'd seen the man, he recalled the last words they'd had. His father, sitting at the kitchen table in his undershirt nursing a cup of coffee while Jason fixed him some breakfast, had told him again, for the hundredth time, that it was a damned shame he hadn't been born a girl.
Jason had stood at the stove and imagined using his martial arts abilities to wipe up the kitchen with his father, making him pay for all the verbal abuse he'd had to endure since his mother's death. He'd never talked back to him, but since he would be moving into a dorm later that day and wasn't planning on ever returning, he decided to speak his mind.
"No matter how hard I've tried, I've never been able to please you," Jason had said taking a plate from the cupboard.
"You'd have to be a man to begin with," his father had snarled.
Jason slid the fried eggs onto the plate of sausage patties and buttered toast. The words, as often as he'd heard them, still stung. He placed the plate in front of the man and watched him devour it, holding his fork in his fist like a cave man. He realized that he loathed the man and wondered why he'd ever wanted his love. Jason let his contempt loose, saying, "It is not my fault that your genes weren't strong enough to make me into a man like you. I obviously got my mother's genes instead of yours. You couldn't even give me enough of your genes to make me straight."
The man sat the cup down with enough force to slosh coffee half way across the table. "I always suspected that you'd be a little pansy faggot. You obviously inherited your mother's sharp tongue, too. I'm sick of having to look at you, you're such a worthless little piece of shit. Get out."
"I'm going - and believe me, it will be nice to not ever look at your despicable face again," Jason had retorted as he left the man to his breakfast. He hoped it would give him indigestion. Without another word to the man, he walked out of the house and headed across town to the University where he'd start his life anew.
He thought about what had occurred since that day. He'd met Pete that same day. They'd immediately became best friends and lived together as roommates for nearly two years. They'd hit it off from the very first day, but it had been nearly six months before they admitted to each other that they were gay, and over a year before Pete made the first move on him. That whole time had been an agony for Jason. The gentle quiet country boy had fascinated him from the get go.
During all of that time Pete had always given him all of his attention. Jason loved it, needed it. Pete had helped him build his self esteem, always praising his every little accomplishment. No one had ever really demeaned him except the man he called father. Oh sure, he got teased by his peers for being so small, but they all respected him for his spunk and intelligence.
He had often wondered why his father had married a petite woman if he had wanted a son, large of stature, like himself. After he was born there could be no second try for a big athletic son to please his father, his mom was just too small to risk her health with another pregnancy. Her health had never been good after his birth. His father had blamed him for that, too.
The house his father had kicked him out of had been inherited by his mother. She'd told him that one day it would be his - and it had legally been his since he'd turned eighteen. Jason had forgotten about it until his father tried to sell the house. He thought about the letter he'd received from a lawyer's office. It had been sent to him in care of the University. His father had known no more than that about his whereabouts.
He'd met with the lawyer who introduced himself as Frederic J. Lambert. When Jason had insisted that Pete be allowed into the office with him, the lawyer had grinned at his feistiness. Mr. Lambert explained what each paper was that required his signature and then sat back and studied Jason while he was signing them. Jason didn't notice how Pete studiously stared from the lawyer to him. Nor did he notice the lawyer meet Pete's intense stare with a smile and a wink.
Pete had done a double take the moment he saw the lawyer that was handling the turn-over on Jason's inherited house. He was an older version of Jason, black hair, diminutive in size and the same piercing blue eyes. And he noted how the lawyer, Mr. Lambert, kept calling Jason 'Son'. Maybe he was imagining it, but it seemed to Pete that the man put extra warmth into the word every time he used it.
Jason signed the last page and pushed the papers back across the desk. Mr. Lambert double checked that all the right places had Jason's signature, closed the document and sat back in his chair. "Your mother was a wonderful person, Son. We grew up together. I could never understand what she saw in her husband."
"The bastard." Jason muttered under his breath.
Mr. Lambert grinned. "You want to evict him? I'll be happy to do it for you."
Jason had thought about it, but rejected the idea. "No sir, his health is failing. I don't want him dying on the streets."
"Well, do you want to charge him rent?"
"No. We don't need the money."
Pete didn't say anything, but Mr. Lambert saw the happy proud expression on his face and knew that the two young men obviously loved each other.
"You're a good man, Jason. I'm proud of you, and I'm sure your mother would be, too, Son."
Jason recalled how his heart had filled with pride and appreciation from the compliment. Mr. Lambert was the first adult to ever call him a man beside Pete and Dave.
Pete had recently spent an afternoon visiting with Tim when they'd run into each other in the cafeteria. Tim had been excited about a class on forensics and the subject of DNA. As Pete sat in the big leather covered armchair next to Jason across the big desk from Mr. Lambert, he watched the man drop a lollipop stick into an ashtray on the desk. He'd chuckled at Mr. Lambert's explanation that he was trying to quit smoking and that the sucker filled the need to have something to stick between his lips.
When they rose to leave, while Jason and Mr. Lambert were shaking hands, Pete slipped the lollipop stick into his pocket. Later, he called Tim and told him of his observations and suspicions. Tim assured him that a DNA sample could easily be taken from the saliva on the stick and that it would be a perfect project for him to do for a requirement in his class. That night when Pete made love to his little man, he was prepared to take a sample of Jason's semen - and gave it, along with the pop stick, to Tim the next morning.
The sky was getting light. Jason turned his head and gazed with his heart full of love at the man lying next to him. He looked so peaceful, he figured he'd let him sleep another hour. He slipped out of bed and tiptoed into the bathroom. After slipping into his jeans and a tee shirt, he quietly made his way down the stairs.
He could smell fresh coffee brewing as he entered the kitchen, but no was one there. The coffee maker made a big wheezing sigh as it shot the last of the water into the grounds. Jason leaned against the counter and waited for the last of the coffee to drip into the pot. Jake shuffled in and mumbled, "Morning, Jase. Looks like the coffee is ready."
Jason smiled at him and nodded, then without asking, he filled two mugs and set them on the table as he said, "Hey Jake, how're you feeling?"
"Great," he said, as he sat down and pulled Jason into his arms. Jason loved Jake's hugs. He wrapped his arms around the big man and hugged him back.
"Charley awake?" as he sat down and picked up his mug.
"Naw, he's still sawing logs."
"Cool. You guys catch up yet?" Jason asked, giving Jake a smart-assed grin. Jake had just gotten out of the hospital after a two week recovery from a drug reaction. Charley had moved from his home town of Kirksville to be with Jake.*
"On what?" Jake innocently asked.
"You know on what."
Jake looked like he had no idea what Jason was asking about.
Exasperated that Jake out did him, Jason muttered, "Lovin' each other."
Jake grinned and shook his head. "We'll never catch up. Guess we'll just have to keep trying as often as possible."
"I know what you mean," Jason said with a sly grin.
"How can a guy sleep with you two pouring coffee smells throughout the house? Can't you keep the kitchen doors closed to contain it?"
Jason and Jake looked up at a grouching, tousle-headed young man standing in the middle of the kitchen scratching his belly and running his fingers through the hair on his head at the same time.
"Don't ya like the smell of fresh brewed coffee, Pete?" Jake asked.
"You know I do. Otherwise I'd have just turned over and gone back to sleep." Pete stumbled to the table and flopped into a chair.
"Stay there, Handsome, I'll get you a mug," Jason said, jumped up, filled a mug and doctored it to his mate's taste.
"Would you pour me one, too?" Teddy asked, shuffling toward the table.
"Sure, Han...." Jason stopped mid-word and looked apologetic. "Sure, Teddy, sit down." He glanced at Pete who wrinkled his nose at him and grinned. Jason set Pete's coffee in front of him and slid Teddy's across the table to where he could reach it.
"Is there a reason we're all up so early?" Teddy asked.
"I couldn't sleep." Jason informed him. "I have to go to the Veteran's Hospital this morning to visit my father."
Jake looked up from his mug. "I don't remember you ever mentioning him before. You've told me about your mother."
"Yeah, well, there's no love lost between us. He's a big brute of a man, and after my mother died he became a lush. Now he's in the hospital with Cirrhosis of the liver and having hallucinations."
"The hospital called you?" Jake asked.
"No, the woman that's living with him called me. She thought I should know that my father probably won't be leaving the hospital alive."
Pete sat quietly watching his little man. Jason's stoicism jerked on his emotions. He thought about how loving his own father was, and then he remembered he'd never told Jason about the DNA test that Tim had done for him. He still hadn't decided that it was prudent to tell him when the man hadn't said a word about it.
"So you're going to be an orphan soon it sounds like," Teddy mumbled.
"Looks like it, not like I wasn't already. He disowned me and threw me out a couple of years ago."
Pete smiled to himself and Jason caught him. "What are you smiling about?"
"I think my parents would be willing to adopt you."
"Thanks, but at twenty years old I don't think I need to be adopted."
"Jason's right. I find I can function just fine as an orphan," Jake said.
Pete grinned at him. "Yeah? Well, you should be able to at your advanced age."
"Hey, I'm only seven years older than you two."
"Ugh, you're nearly thirty."
Jake ignored Pete's teasing and turned to Teddy. "So are both of your parents still living?" he asked.
"Yeah, they are."
"They don't know about you do they?"
"No, and I'm not going to tell them."
"Don't you think that will hurt them more than knowing you're gay?"
"My dad's an ex-Marine and my two brothers are Marines. They already think I'm a pansy for going into the Air Force."
"So what does that make them? Fucking hollyhocks?" Pete asked.
The four broke up laughing.
"Hey, don't go disparaging the Marines. I was one, too, you know." Charley said as he poured himself a cup of coffee and sat down next to Jake, planted a kiss on his cheek, glared menacingly at the other three and then smiled to show it was all put on. "I never came out while I was in, but I know there were a lot of gays in the Marines. Some of them were quite active. Me? I was too scared to even admit I was gay, until I met Jake."
"Jake seduced you?" Teddy asked looking straight into Jake's eyes.
Jake turned and looked at Charley. Charley grinned as their eyes locked. "Yeah, Jake seduced me." He turned and looked at Teddy. "Actually, there was no seduction involved. We both knew as soon as we laid eyes on each other that we were meant to be together."
"Wow, why can't that happen to me?" Teddy asked.
"I was surprised that it happened to me. I certainly wasn't looking for a relationship." Jake interjected.
Teddy glanced up at the clock above the refrigerator and muttered, "Oh hell, I've got to go. First day on the job, you know."
"So he is a chef, huh?" Jake asked, hearing the front door close.
"That's what he told us," Jason replied.
"He looks too young. He can't be more than twenty-two. And he just got out of the Air Force?"
"He got booted. They caught him Flagrant Delicti with an officer in the BOQ," Jason told him.
"That's so stupid," Jake said.
"What, making it with an officer in his quarters?" Pete asked.
"No. The service kicking a man out after paying for that kind of training. It's such a waste of the taxpayers' money."
"Most taxpayers probably would rather see the money wasted," Charley said.
"Well, this taxpayer has got to get ready for class. When do you start to work Charley?" Pete asked, getting up and taking his, Jason's and Teddy's mugs to the sink.
"Not until next week."
"Cool," Pete said making his exit along with Jason.
When Gio arrived at the restaurant at seven a.m. he was greeted with a big smile from Teddy, who was eagerly waiting. The smile went right to his heart and then dropped about twenty inches. He felt a stirring below and scolded himself about having the hots for his new employee.
Teddy hadn't seen Gio in civvies before. He had thought of Gio as being slightly rotund in his loose fitting whites. But dressed in regular clothes he could see that Gio was just barrel-chested and had a bit of a belly. Teddy bet himself that if he could get Gio to doing some crunches every day, that round belly would disappear and soon match the rest of his muscular body, then he'd really be hot. He hid his lascivious thoughts and greeted his new employer with a big smile.
Gio pointed Teddy to a big stack of chef's uniforms on a shelf in the office and told him they were his. At the end of the day he was to put the soiled uniform into a hamper for the laundry service. He also showed him a metal locker in which to store his street clothes.
Teddy looked around. "Where should I change?" he asked.
Gio grinned. "Right where you are. There's only us men here. There is the restroom around the corner if you're modest." He hoped that Teddy wasn't.
Teddy grinned back at him and watched as Gio stripped out of his button-up shirt. He admired the way the tee shirt fit his boss. Teddy liked the look of a layer of fat softening his hard muscles, and those pecs definitely were muscles.
Gio realized that Teddy wasn't moving and glanced up at him. His glance set Teddy into motion. He stripped out of his shirt and jeans and hung them in his locker. He knew that Gio was looking. Tucking the hem of his tee shirt into his boxers, he turned and picked up the work trousers and slipped his legs into them. He looked up at Gio, who was just standing there with his trousers in his hand. He was in a state of thrall, staring at Teddy's firm, muscular body. Teddy grinned and ignored the stare as he surreptitiously checked out Gio, while acting like he wasn't interested. He quickly buttoned up his baggy trousers to hide the effects of seeing the bulge in Gio's jockeys and that thick blonde hair covering his legs.
Teddy's grin brought Gio out of his entrancement and he quickly turned his back to slide his legs into his trousers. Teddy's breath caught in his throat as he admired the two large globes of Gio's butt. He quickly sat down to put on his work boots and kept his head down as he laced them up. Finished, he said, "I've got to pee before we start," and headed out into the kitchen to the little private restroom.
Gio wondered if that was a straight man's reaction to being stared at while in a state of undress. But then, he argued, straight men usually got belligerent... and then again, Teddy was his employee and he couldn't afford to react that way. A little niggling thought made itself heard, maybe Teddy was turned on by seeing Gio in his underwear and was embarrassed by it. Gio wondered for the umpteenth time if Teddy might be gay, and if he was, would he be interested in him.
The day got started with the preparation of a couple of sauces, a large pan of Lasagna, and washing and crisping greens for salads. Gio watched Teddy work. Teddy assumed his performance was being assessed. Teddy would glance at Gio with lascivious thoughts and Gio thought he was just being nervous about his performance. Gio was impressed with Teddy's abilities and knowledge. Teddy liked working with Gio, he was so easy going.
Arlen spent his day in classes, his mind constantly wondering off to daydream about the auburn haired man with creamy white skin that had moved in with Pete and Jason.
He was the University football team's starting quarterback. He was assumed to be straight, and he hadn't given much thought to not being straight... until he met Pete and kissed him. Having gone to a boys prep school before coming to college, he'd not had much to do with girls, other than having one as a date to affairs where one was required. And although he'd even bedded a few of those girls, he'd never considered whether he liked it or not... he just got the girls off multiple times before he finally got his own jollies and assumed all men did the same. He could never understand why the girls always clamored over him rather than the other guys on the team. He didn't realize that most of the guys didn't get a girl off even once before losing it, simply because they got overly excited. He thought of the incident with Pete as an anomaly. It happened once and wouldn't ever happen again.
He still hadn't figured out why he'd gone to check out Teddy after Jason had described his new housemate. Teddy's image kept floating to the fore of his mind. Arlen kept telling himself he wasn't gay. He didn't want to be gay. And why he kept daydreaming about another man, he couldn't understand. He didn't want to think about it. And he didn't want to think about why he'd flirted with Teddy in front of Pete and Jason. It was making him nuts.
Arlen got through the day. And when his bedtime came he thought he'd just go to sleep and forget about this madness. He hadn't reckoned with dreams. If he had, he'd have stayed up all night swilling black coffee to keep from dreaming. He said goodnight to his roommate, went to sleep and dreamed about emerald eyes, creamy white skin and auburn hair - and about manly lips... manly lips he was leaning in to kiss... then he woke up.... drenched in sweat and breathing like he'd just sprinted five miles - and screaming, "No, no, no."
His roommate jumped out of bed and grabbed him by his shoulders, telling him to calm down, it was just a dream and everything was okay. Arlen knew it wasn't okay, but he calmed down, and refused to talk about it. He grabbed a towel and went to the showers. He stood under the steaming water until he felt as limp as a wilted flower stem, then crawled back into his damp bed to stare at the ceiling until it was time to get up.
He had no appetite, but drank a lot of coffee. He sat in each class and stared into oblivion until it was time to go to the next one. And then came his class with Pete. Arlen sat on the back row. Pete entered the room and went to the back of the room to sit next to Arlen. He took one look at him and shook his head.
"What's the matter with you?" Arlen growled belligerently. "Why are you looking at me like that?"
Pete shook his head in answer, and then uttered one word... a question, "Teddy?"
Pete wasn't expecting the response he got. "Fuck off. Don't even talk to me, faggot. Just leave me alone"
Pete turned red. His anger boiled up - then cooled down as he looked around to see who might have been listening. He sighed with relief seeing everyone was involved with someone else. He moved to another seat and watched Arlen for the rest of the period. Pete'd had enough psych classes to figure out what was going on with his friend, but he could see no way to help him as long as he was being hostile and denying his problem, so he just left him to stew by himself.
Jason identified himself as the son of Clifford Warren at the VA Hospital and was allowed in to see his father. When he entered the room and stopped at the foot of the bed, he noticed a woman sitting in the corner reading. She looked up and smiled at him. Jason tentatively smiled back at her, thinking she looked familiar, but he couldn't place where he'd seen her. He glanced at the large bloated lump lying in the bed and shuddered. Three years of hard drinking had taken its toll. He walked up to the head of the bed and studied the sleeping face. He could not believe this ugly thing was his father. Although he had no love for the man, he'd still thought he'd once been handsome.
"Not a pretty sight, is he?" The woman was standing next to him. "He used to be so good looking."
Jason silently nodded his head.
"I'm Janine Smith."
Jason turned and held out his hand. "I'm Jason Warren."
"I know who you are, Jason," she said taking his hand in both of hers. "I've watched you grow into to the fine young man you have become. You look so much like your daddy."
Jason looked at the bloated blotched face nested in the white pillow and then looked back at Janine with a horrified frown.
She let out a short snorting laugh. "Honey, he's not your daddy. Cliff was injured in the Viet Nam war and couldn't make babies."
Jason stared at her as a myriad of thoughts raced through his head. The image of Mr. Lambert popped into his head and set him to wondering.
"Do you want to hear the whole story?"
Jason nodded.
"Come sit over here," she said, making herself comfortable in one of the arm chairs. "I always told your mother she was doing you a grave injustice by staying with Cliff. You see, she still loved the young man that went off to war. She believed that sweet young man still hid somewhere in the depths of the bitter man that returned. She never gave up trying to bring him back.
"Anyway, Cliff took it into his mind that May should have a child. She abhorred the thought of having some stranger' seed inside of her. So she settled on her best friend from her high school days. He was gay, but for her... he helped her make a baby. And you were the result."
"She never would tell Cliff who the father was. And at first he treated you like his own child. But as you grew into a young boy, you looked more and more like your daddy. Cliff had always hated him, and he turned that hate onto you. I told your mother numerous times she should take you and leave. But she was stuck in a hard place. The house was hers, but she still loved Cliff. She just couldn't kick him out.
"Cliff wasn't a violent man. But he had a nasty way with words. And I think his words finally killed your mother. She just seemed to wither slowly away. On her death bed she made Cliff promise that he would take care of you until you were eighteen. I guess she figured you would kick him out when the house became legally yours." Janine stopped, lost in her thoughts.
Jason studied her. "How is it that I don't remember you?"
"Well, honey, I stayed away. I'm the sort that just can't hold my tongue. I say what I think. Cliff and I had some real battles over how he treated you. And finally, your mother couldn't take it any longer and asked me to not come around anymore. We still got together, May and I, once in awhile. We were still friends up to the day she died. I was at her funeral. You wouldn't have noticed me. I hung back with the rest of the crowd."
"So how come you and him...." Jason could no longer bring himself to refer to him as his father. "How is it you are with him?"
"Well, I ran into him one night in a bar. The old Cliff would show himself sometimes when he was drinking. I, too, loved the man he once was... just like your mom. He asked me to move in with him. I was on hard times, so I did. After he started drinking so much, he lost his job. If it hadn't been for your generosity and his little government pension, he'd have been living in an alley somewhere.
"So I took care of him. Cooked and kept the house clean. Worked what odd jobs I could find. Don't know what I'll do now."
"You don't have to move out just because he is dying. Stay there."
"Jason, I couldn't afford the rent on a place like that."
"I didn't say anything about rent. I'll see my lawyer and have him set it up so you can live there as long as you want. I don't need the money from that house... it only has bad memories for me since my mom died."
Janine clasped her hands tightly in her lap. Her head was bowed and tears splashed unheeded on her hands. "I don't know what to say... you're too generous."
"Don't say anything. Just accept it."
"I can at least pay the utilities. I make enough cleaning houses to do that."
"If you insist. Do you have enough houses to work full time?"
"No, I only work about three days a week."
"Can you add another house to your schedule?"
Janine looked up at him. "You mean your house, where you live? Honey, I'd clean it for free."
Jason laughed. "I don't think so. You see, there are five of us living there. And those guys don't deserve to not pay."
"Okay, what day would you want me?"
"Whatever day best suits you. We all have different schedules. Oh, and Jake works at home. He's a writer."
"You wouldn't mean Jake Shipman. The author of 'Those Shifting Sands', would you?"
"You've read that book?"
"I read a lot of it aloud to Cliff. He couldn't believe a gay guy wrote it. Of course, knowing Cliff," she laughed, "you know he didn't use the word gay."
"I can imagine. So if you come to clean for us guys, you'll get to meet the man."
"That would be a real bonus."
They sat quietly and looked at each other a minute. Jason looked over at the bed. "How long do they give him?" he asked.
"A week, maybe two," she sighed.
"I guess I should arrange for his burial."
"He's a Vet. They will do it for free."
"I didn't know that."
"Yes, so you don't have to worry your handsome little head over it."
Jason looked at his watch and sighed. "I guess I should be going. I missed two classes already this morning."
"It was good of you to come."
"Well, it was just filial duty. But it was nice meeting you, Janine. You have my number, so when you're ready to work, call me. Like I said, any day is fine."
"Thank you, Jason."
"I'll stop in to see my lawyer about the house, just to make it legal."
"She smiled and said, "Tell him Janine sends her regards."
"You know him?"
She smiled again and looked a little sad. "Yes, I know Mr. Lambert."
"Mm, well, I've gotta go."
"Bye, Jason, and thank you."
As Jason drove back from the hospital he thought about what Janine had told him. Cliff wasn't his biological father, so who was. Then the image of the lawyer filled his head. Of course. That was why the man had kept calling him 'Son'. Jason had been so preoccupied with everything that he'd not given it a second thought until now. He wondered how to go about finding out for sure.
Maybe, he could find the courage to right out accost him when he talked to him about letting Janine live in the house. As he drove, he thought, 'Jason Warren. Jason Lambert, son of Frederick J. Lambert. I like the sound of that... classy. I wonder if the middle initial of Mr. Lambert's name is for Jason. It would be so cool if he is my biological father and I was named after him.'
*Jake and Charley's story is told in full in 'Rough Road Ahead' on this site.