It was decided that I would drop Judd off on the UCLA campus, and I would go shopping in several of my favorite stores in that area, including groceries from Gelson's. Three hours later I pulled into the lot where I had left him. He was sitting on the lawn talking to a beautiful young woman with short curly raven- black hair.
I looked her over as I got out of the Jeep and walked toward them. She was slender as a young boy. No noticeable breasts. She was dressed in jeans and a short blouse that left her midriff bare. Her skin was pale ivory. Her face was pixyish, with a straight little nose, a rose bud mouth and huge brown eyes. She could easily have passed as a fourteen year old boy.
She looked up at me as I approached. "This man walking toward us has to be your uncle. He looks just like you," I heard her say.
Judd twisted around and smiled. "That's him." He stood, offered her a hand and pulled her to her feet. She was a tiny little thing. Maybe five feet tall at the most. "Jace, this is Annie. Annie, my Uncle Jace."
"Hi, Uncle Jace," she said, grinning impishly.
I bowed to her. "Miz Annie, I am honored to make your acquaintance," I said with a John Wayne drawl. She giggled.
"She's taking some of the same courses I am. She is planning on writing, too," Judd said.
I nodded. Annie studied us. Judd had moved to my side as he had made the introductions.
"You guys make a way cool couple. I think that's so neat," she said.
I think my mouth fell open. I was speechless.
"Thanks, Annie. I think you are cool, too," Judd said. "Look, I'll call you. I'm sure Jace has places to go."
He grabbed my arm and steered me toward the car. I looked back and Annie waved at me.
"What did she mean, Judd? What did you tell her, that she would make a comment like that?"
I unlocked the Jeep and we got in.
"We just talked, Jace. It's no big deal."
"What's no big deal? What did you tell her?" I gulped. "That we're lovers? What?"
"You're over reacting. We just hit it off right away. She told me about her girlfriend. So I told her that I want to be your lover, and I do, Jace."
I looked at him. The pleading sincerity in his expression wilted my anger. He could see that I was giving way. He continued.
"I want you to take me in your arms and tell me you love me. I want you to fuck me, Jace. I want to feel you inside of me. I love you. If that upsets you, I am sorry, but I can't help how I feel."
I was overcome with the desire to do whatever would make him happy. If he wanted me to hold him, by God nothing would keep me from doing it. I reached over and pulled him to me. I wrapped my arms around him and held him tight.
"You make me fucking crazy, Judd. If you want my love, you have it. I don't believe in love at first sight, but when I saw you walk off that plane something snapped inside me. I can't fight it. I think I love you, Judd. And I'm going to fuck you until you walk bowlegged. I'm going to ram my cock so far up your beautiful little ass that your tonsils will be tickled. And then you're going to do the same to me. Let's go home," I told him. He chuckled.
I started the Jeep, backed out of the parking space and headed out to the street. Judd sat back and studied me. He had a self-satisfied smirk on his face.
"What?" I asked.
He shook his head and grinned.
"You gave in way too easy. I was sure I was going to have to woo you for at least a week," he said.
Something in the way he said it hit me like a bucket of ice water. I pulled over and parked. I felt like the cycle of head-games that Ken used to play was starting again.
"Are you playing games with me? I don't play games, Judd."
"What are you talking about?" he asked.
"This whole thing of 'let's seduce Uncle Jace.' Was it just a ploy? 'Let's see how long it takes to get him into bed. He's a real sucker for my good looks. I bet it won't be hard to get into his pants.' Is that your fucking game, Judd? I let myself fall in love once and I'm still hurting from it. I'll be damned if you will hurt me, too, you chicken shit asshole. Go play your games on someone else."
I crashed onto the steering wheel. I was bleeding inside. He laid a hand on my shoulder. I shrugged it off.
"I was only teasing, Jace. I didn't mean anything by it. God! Someone really messed you up bad. I wouldn't play games like that. Please believe me."
He ran his hand up and down my back. I was beginning to feel foolish. I had badly overreacted. Damn Ken to hell.... It had been four years since he had walked out of my life, and I was still letting him jerk me around - I was still in pain. Goddam, I was still one-fucked-up-shit. And damn my dad, too. Damn anyone who can turn love on and off like that.
"Jace, look at me, please," he begged.
I raised my head and turned toward him. God, he is beautiful. I wanted to reach over and take him back in my arms. But the fear inside me bound my hands. He had tears rolling down his face. The cynic in me rose to the surface. Was he a really good actor or was he sincere? Or maybe both? Ken had really destroyed my trust in love and lovers. I didn't know if I could allow that trust to be rebuilt. Could I stop being the cynic? I knew that my cynicism could destroy any chance I had with Judd. But----
"Jace," he said, breaking into my racing thoughts. "I'll never play games with your emotions. I love you, man. I could never intentionally hurt you. I've never submitted to any man. I've never wanted to. But I want to for you. Only you, Jace."
His eyes never wavered from mine. I believed him. I raised a hand to his face and caressed his cheek.
"I'm sorry. It's just that the one and only time I let myself love someone, he destroyed my trust with his head games."
He laid his head into my hand. It reminded me of the loving trust my cats have for me. No matter how loudly I yell at them, they immediately come back offering me love. My heart felt like it might burst. I was scared shitless. I wanted him to hold me. I wanted to run away as fast as my legs could carry me. I wanted... God, how I wanted what he was saying to be true.
"Judd, I buried the hurt and ignored it. Your coming into my life has made it all resurface. I've got to deal with it. I want to love you. I don't know if I can... like you deserve. I want to try, but I'm scared shitless."
"Let's go home. We need to do a lot of talking," he said.
I started the jeep and headed back toward downtown. It was one of the longest drives of my life. We were both wrapped up in our own thoughts, as I drove out of Brentwood, back through Beverly Hills and Hollywood into Los Angeles. When we got home, I went in and made a pot of coffee. I offered Judd a mug. He took it and wandered over to the living room window. He leaned against the sill and gazed out over the city. I mixed my sludge and sat down in a club chair. I laid my head back and stared at the ceiling. My thoughts were fragmented.
Judd would occasionally glance at me and then turn back to the view. God, the mental anguish. When Ken had announced he was moving to New York, I had closed down my emotions to keep the pain away, and until now, I had not dared to open them back up. I had built my whole life around that relationship. I had thought we would grow old together. I thought I knew Ken as well as I knew myself, but I had been deceived. Maybe I had deceived myself, made myself believe things that weren't true. I don't know. But now, four years later, it was still festering and I was still in pain from it all. If I was going to have any kind of trusting relationship with Judd, I had to cauterize the wound and let it heal. These were thoughts I should be expressing out loud to Judd. I couldn't; they'd been cocooned too long.
I raised my head and looked at him. He was all that one could possibly want in a man... in a lover. And I was so afraid I would get hurt again, and that I might hurt him.
"Why would you pick a fucked up shit like me to love?" My voice was gravelly. "You could have your pick of the world. Why me?"
He didn't move. He continued to gaze out the window. I was beginning to wonder if he had heard me, or was just ignoring me. Finally he spoke as he stared out the window.
"I think we may have a choice in who we don't love, but none in who we do love. Being you're my uncle, I would never choose to love you like I do. Like the bumper sticker says, 'Shit Happens.' I just have to deal with it. You may be a fucked up shit, but I love you. I don't think I have any choice in the matter. He paused, continuing to look out the window. "I've never gone through an experience like this before." He paused in thought. "I've never wanted anything so much as I want you to love me. If you can't....well, I guess I'm man enough to deal with it and move on. Right now, I can't imagine ever feeling this way about another human being."
He took a sip of coffee, set the mug on the table next to him and walked across the room to the bathroom. He didn't look my direction. I heard the water running in the sink. I pushed myself up out of the chair and walked toward the bathroom. Judd came out with his hair wet around the edges of his face. I stopped, and he walked up to me.
I know I must have looked like death warmed over, I damned well felt that way. The skin that comes with being a towhead shows every emotion. I knew I was washed out, I know I was deathly white with red-rimmed eyes, that's how we Deasons are when we are emotionally stressed. He wrapped his arms around me and gently held me for a moment, then stepped back to wipe my face with a cool wet cloth.
"Before I can start walking bow legged, we're going to have to deal with your demon. You want to tell me about him?" he asked.
I nodded. I thought about what it was going to take to tell Judd about Ken. If we were going to move forward I was going to have to do this. "Come on," I said, "let's get comfortable."
He tossed the cloth towards the bathroom door and led me over to the sofa. I was feeling like he was the adult and I was the kid. I guess in my condition, that was where I needed to be. He pushed me down on one end, moved to the other and settled in, facing me.
"What was his name?" he prompted.
"Ken Walker. I met him soon after I came out here, at UCLA. He was a senior. I think he was twenty-four at the time. I was barely twenty. He was from West Hollywood and I was just a naive country boy from Pecos, Texas. But... we seemed to click from the moment we met. Within two months we were living together.
"After he graduated, he went to work for an advertising agency. Things begin to change between us. I was in school most of the time. And he worked. When I graduated, I immediately got a writing job on a sitcom. I was working sixteen hours a day, six days a week. We didn't see much of each other. One night I came home and he informed me that he was moving to New York. I told him I was sure I could move, too. He said to not bother. He had met a man from there that he would be moving in with. That was the end of five years of my life."
Judd looked at me. I couldn't read his expression. It was like his face had closed down. The lights had been turned off. There was no one home. I wondered if he was even seeing me.
"End of story?" he asked. His voice was flat, emotionless.
He grimaced as he got up and walked back to the edge of the window. He had his hands stuffed in his pockets. I could feel the anger building in him. I knew why. Hell, I had just handed him a bag full of bones. I was feeling guilty for having done it. I had told him earlier that I don't play games, but that's exactly what I was doing. He wasn't having any part of it. It's just so hard for me to share my emotions. But I had to try.
"I worshiped the ground Ken walked on. I thought he felt the same way. For the first two years of our life together, I think that he was really trying to make our relationship work. Now, I'm not sure he was capable of really loving anyone completely. Being gay and growing up in West Hollywood, he must have become jaded with sex very early.
"I was not enough to satisfy him. I tried to be. But by the third year I realized I couldn't be that new face, that new cock, that hot new body in his bed. He began to play mind games. He would build me up, and then pull the entire floor out from under me. I was nothing more that a country hick that he could manipulate as he wanted. He did... and I let him. He was bored with me. And that was more painful to realize than his finally leaving.
"I wished that I had the balls to get up and leave him. But I didn't have much self-esteem. He had pretty much destroyed me emotionally. I had no ego or pride left. I had allowed myself to be walked on so much that when he left--- I couldn't even get angry. I guess I had pretty much developed a slave mentality. I should have learned to hate him, but I only resented the fact that he used me and I allowed it. He had me convinced that I was nothing without him. So, when he left, I felt like nothing for a long time. I closed myself up in a shell. I worked.... I went home .... slept .... went back to work."
Judd was now sitting on the edge of the sofa next to me, our knees touching. I realized he was holding my hand and studying me intently. I had no idea when he had moved from the window to the sofa.
"Netta was the only one there for me. She kept working on me, rebuilding my self-image. I learned to take pride in myself and my accomplishments. She kept working on me until I finally got up the courage to go on some dates that she set up. The fellows were all nice enough, and they all were very good looking. But all the dates flopped. I couldn't respond. After the fifth one, I didn't try it again. I closed my shell and no one got close to me. Netta finally gave up."
Judd squeezed my hand. I stood and walked across the room. I couldn't look at him. My words came out in short burst with long moments of silence in between. "And then you came into my life........... In two days you have shattered my shell............ and I've let you........... I've hidden from the pain for four years .......... I'm frightened........... I want to trust you.......... I don't know how.......... I don't know if I can."
It took an effort to force each sentence out of my mouth. I was shaking like I had been affected by ague. I had never done anything so difficult in my life. I wanted to hide in a nice warm dark place where nothing could hurt me, most of all where Judd couldn't get to me. I had given him the power to destroy me. I was completely vulnerable. I wondered if he realized it.
I was quivering like a dog that had been beaten its whole life; my tail tucked between my legs. I was shaking so hard that I could barely stand. I was barely aware of his proximity when he walked up behind me, put a hand on the back of my neck and caressed down my back. I jumped like I had been hit with an electric current. He moved up against me and enfolded me in his arms. I was a wet rag, not a bone in my body. I collapsed back against him. He ran his hand up and down my chest, making soothing sounds.
He lifted me and carried me to the bed. I know I weigh at least fifty pounds more than he does; yet he carried me like I was a child. He sat me down and knelt in front of me and removed my shoes. He lifted my legs and turned me, forcing me to lie down. He quickly lay down beside me, pressing every part of his body against me. Still he hadn't said a word; he just made soothing sounds. I began to calm down. Only an occasional shudder wracked my body. I eventually drifted into a narcotic-like sleep.
When I awakened, I was naked under the covers. Judd was lying against me, as he had been when I fell asleep, except that he was on top of the covers, still clothed. The clock read 1:14. I had slept for almost nine hours. I lifted his arm and slid away from him, managing to rouse both cats as I rolled off the bed.
I felt like I had been drugged. My mind was heavy with too much sleep. I peed and wandered into the kitchen. I turned on a light under the cabinet, checked and saw that the cats had been fed. I made a pot of coffee. While it was dripping, I wandered to the foot of the bed and studied Judd in the semi-darkness.
He had rolled onto his back with his right arm flung above his head. The fingers of his other hand were hooked in the fly of his 501s. In sleep he looked so very, very young. His forelock hung over his face. There was a slight smile on his lips. I wondered if he was dreaming about me. Damn, he was just so beautiful it pained me to look at him.
The coffee maker sighed and then belched, as the last of the water was shot into the basket of grounds. I filled a mug and poured some real cream in it and went back to the foot of the bed.
I thought about the catharsis I had been through yesterday afternoon. I felt free of the pain that I had hidden from for so many years. I felt my chest swell with an emotion I had forgotten. It had been so many years since I had felt this way about Ken. I promised myself I would not let the deterioration that had slowly killed my love for Ken happen to my love for Judd.
I chuckled to myself. I had just admitted that I loved him. I loved this wonderful young man lying on my bed. I don't know whether it was my chuckling or the scent of the coffee that woke him. But as I mused about these fresh new feelings, I realized that the very person I was musing over was watching me. Our eyes met. He smiled.
"Hi. How are you feeling?" he asked, his voice little more than a whisper.
"I feel wonderful," I replied.
"Why is that?"
"Well, probably because I faced a lot of devils yesterday. And in doing so, the pain they held is gone. And most likely, because I just admitted to myself that I love you."
"Jace, you sure?"
His expression was stern, full of concern as if I had just announced to him that I had cancer.
"That doesn't make you happy."
"Of course it does. It's just that I wasn't expecting to hear you admit it."
His eyes glistened. I set my mug down and sat beside him. He reached his arms up to me and I lay on his chest, my head nestled next to his. He wrapped me in an embrace. I turned his head searching for his lips. The kiss, with searching exploring tongues, lasted for several minutes. When we broke it, he chuckled.
"Does this mean I get to walk bowlegged now?"
"Yeah, it damned sure does. And me, too, if I have any say in the matter."
"Fantastic. I've got everything ready."
He twisted and reached under the bed, pulling out an old shaving kit and a towel. He opened the kit and pulled out a box of condoms and a bottle of 'Slik' lubricant. I laughed.
"You are definitely prepared. You were a Boy Scout?"
"No, I just wanted to be ready when you decided to do it."
He looked at me expectantly. I laughed, grabbed the things out of his hands, dropped them on the bedside table and then I attacked him. Or rather, I got attacked. He grabbed hold of me and started planting hot slobbery kisses on my face and neck. He pushed me onto my back and sat down on my hips, my hard cock firmly wedged against his perineum, the head sticking out between his beautiful furry balls. He sat there for a moment rocking gently with his eyes half-closed, enjoying the feel of my rod against his perineum. I lay there fascinated, watching him fulfill his dreams. Damn, he is just so beautiful. He opened his eyes and looked into mine. I drowned in his gaze.
Judd leaned forward brushing his lips across mine, still staring into my eyes.
"I love you, Jace," he whispered.
Our gaze into each other's souls continued.
"Oh Babe, I love you, too. I love you so much, Judd, it hurts."
He kissed me. We both put all of our passion into the kiss. After a couple of minutes we had to come up for air. Judd started exploring my body with his hands. I followed his lead. He grabbed my wrists and placed my arms to my sides.
"I've waited my whole life for this moment. Don't distract me." He got off the bed and quickly shed his clothes.
He moved his hands up to hold each side of my head as he kissed each eyelid, then my nose. He brushed his lips across my mouth and then sucked on my chin. He pulled back slightly and tongued his way up to my ear, exploring every fold and curve. He plunged his hot wet tongue into it. My whole body shuddered as I arched against him. He pulled back and smiled at me.
"Oh, yeah. You like that, don't you."
I grinned at him as he dived for my other ear. He had me pushing my throbbing cock against him again. He sat back and studied me. His fingers explored my collarbones and trailed down into the hair on my chest. They searched out my nubs and lightly traced around the areolas. He leaned forward and ran his tongue around and over each of them. My cock throbbed.
"Ah, more hot spots," he whispered.
He then trailed his tongue down to my belly navel. He had me bouncing as he reamed it out with that hot, hard, wet tongue.
He had scooted his butt down to my knees dragging his hairy chest over my super sensitive cock. My hands automatically grabbed his shoulders. He took my hands and held them at my sides as he plunged his nose into my pubes. He sniffed his way around my pulsing cock and pushed his nose into my furry scrotum. Breathing in, he started tonguing my balls. He sucked one into his mouth and laved it with his tongue. He popped it out and pounced on the other one, viciously running his tongue over it. He pulled back, tightening the skin over it. I arched up with it. He held my hands tightly to my sides. He let it pop out of his mouth. My body jerked with the sudden release. I moaned. He sat back and grinned at me. I was in such ecstasy I could only smile back at him.
He leaned forward and tickled his way up my urethra with his hard tongue. My body was twitching and shuddering in delight. He ran his tongue around the head. My throbbing cock was so hard it hurt, as it bounced against his mouth.
"Oh God. Suck it, Judd. Please," I begged.
He sat up and grinned at me.
"Relax and enjoy it, Jace. I'll get to it."
He continued to look at me and grin as I silently pleaded with my eyes. Suddenly he dove and swallowed my cock to the hilt. I gasped, and bucked. His throat convulsed a couple of times at the sudden intrusion, and then relaxed as he kept swallowing. I was so hot, and the onslaught was so unexpected - I lost it. I exploded in his throat.
When he realized I was cumming, he pulled back to collect the rest in his mouth. When I finished and started to soften, he pulled off and snaked up my body to kiss me. He forced his tongue between my lips. I opened up to him and let him in. He dribbled my load into my mouth. When I tasted my own cum my eyes shot open. He was looking back at me as he dueled with my tongue. His eyes were smiling. I swallowed as I continued to lave the inside of his mouth for another little taste.
He rolled off of me, propped his head up on a hand and started caressing me with the other. He ran his hand down my stomach, around my privates, on down my outer thigh and then up my inner thigh. He cupped my balls and leaned down and sniffed them. Through my post coital haze I heard him sigh. It was a sigh of contentment. He continued caressing me until I was thoroughly aroused again.
"I want to fuck you, Jace. I want to feel my cock in your hot hole," he whispered in my ear.
"Yes," I whispered back.
In my lethargy I was aware of him moving down between my legs. I felt him lift them and push them back against my chest. My eyes popped open and I was suddenly awake when his tongue lashed down my perineum and touched my sphincter. I gasped. I hadn't experienced that since Ken had abandoned me. God... what a wonderful feeling. I moaned as he ran his tongue in circles around the pucker. I drew my breath in sharply when I felt the cold gel applied to it.
"Sorry, I should have warmed it first," he said.
I smiled and pushed my head back into the pillow as he forced his finger into me. I had all but forgotten the pleasure of being invaded. He found my prostate and rubbed it. I moaned and dribbled precum onto my belly. He leaned forward, licked it up, and inserted a second finger. I moaned with the wonderful feeling.
"Three." I demanded. He complied, rotating them and stretching me. I relaxed into it.
"I'm ready. Fuck me, Judd."
He reached over, picked up a condom packet and tore it open. He handed it to me.
"You put it on me, Jace," he begged.
I took it from him and applied some lube to it and placed it on the tip of his raging cock. He was so agitated, his balls were pulled up tight, I was sure he would lose his load before I got it on him. I pinched the head of his throbbing rod as I rolled the rubber over it, he yelped and winced. He lost a bit of his hardness, but he also lost the need to cum. He sighed with relief when he realized what I had done.
Once he had achieved penetration, he settled down and gave me a good long fuck. With a little coaching, I had him doing a few fast short strokes and then a few long slow ones. We brought each other to the edge several times before he swore he couldn't stand it any more.
"Oh, God, Judd, I can't hold it any longer. I gotta cum." He started pumping fast and furiously.
I tipped over the edge with the barrage he was laying in. When I started shooting, the clinching of my sphincter brought him over with me. It was my second climax, yet it was definitely the longest and hardest of the two.
Judd collapsed onto my cum covered chest. We held each other like there was no tomorrow. As our breathing returned to normal, he loosened his hold and rolled to the side. I rolled with him covering his face with kisses.
"Damn, Judd, I've never had a fuck feel so good." I pulled the used condom off his deflating cock, tied a knot in it and dropped it on the floor.
He smiled weakly with his eyes closed.
"Me neither," he said.
"I thought you were a virgin."
"I was...am. What I meant was, I'll probably never experience another fuck as wonderful as that."
I thought about that for a moment and then asked, "You do want to keep trying, don't you?"
His eyes opened and he looked at me. His expression was full of incredulity.
"You kidding me? Hell yes, as often as you want it."
"Good. That's kind of what I thought." I smiled to myself.
He grinned, and closed his eyes again. I watched him until I couldn't keep mine open any longer. We slept wrapped in each other's arm.
Sometime later I was awakened with a warm washcloth being wiped over my chest and belly. I opened my eyes and watched Judd intent on cleaning me up. He gently fondled my genitals with the cloth and then looked up at me. I smiled. "Hi, Lover," I whispered.
He grinned. "Hey, Babe."
He crawled onto the bed and lifted my shoulders and shoved several pillows behind me. He turned, picked up a glass of juice from his nightstand and handed it to me.
"Refuel. You gotta big task ahead of you," he said.
"I do?"
"Yep, I'm still a virgin. And it's all you fault. You gotta rectify it."
"You think I can do that?" I asked.
"You better. I'll be really unhappy if you don't."
"Well, we can't have my precious man unhappy," I said, pulling him down.
"Un ugh," he grunted in agreement as he snuggled into my embrace.
I can never get enough of him. As we embraced I covered his face and neck with licks and kisses. I rolled him onto his back and ran a trail down to his dark pink nipples. With the tip of my tongue I lashed his little nubs, making them stand hard and proud. His body was so responsive.
I grasped his wrists and pushed his arms above his head. I licked his armpits and gnawed on the muscles. He arched and thrashed. I sat back on his hips rocking back and forth on his hard cock remembering how it had felt earlier plunging in my ass. My head was back and my eyes closed as I enjoyed the friction over my raw rectum.
"Don't even think about it until I've experienced it, too," Judd growled.
I opened my eyes and looked at him.
"Aren't you enjoying this, too?" I asked.
"You're kidding. It feels incredible, but you know what I want. You better give to me or I'll just have to take it on my own." His expression was serious.
"You would, too, wouldn't you?"
"Damned right." And then in a little boy whine he added, "Fuck me, Jace, I want to feel you deep inside me. Please make me completely yours."
I lay down on him and sucked on his lips before I invaded his mouth with my tongue. He whimpered. I sat up and scooted back between his legs grabbing his ankles and pushing his knees up to his chest, raising his nether region for easy access. I teased his scrotum with feathery kisses. I ran my tongue lightly up one thigh and down the other. I planted my mouth on his perineum and whipped my tongue up and down it. Judd was crying out and arching his back, pushing himself at my mouth. I pulled back and blew on the wetness. He whimpered.
Still holding his legs up, I sat back and looked at him. His eyes were scrunched closed as he waited for another assault. I waited. He looked up at me with a frown.
"Why did you stop?"
"You're such beautiful eye candy I had to stop and look at you."
He closed his eyes and half smiled, hunching his butt up at me. I relented and ducked my head back down. I kissed each buttock and then starting at his tail bone, I ran my tongue up his crack to his pretty little virgin pucker. I circled it several times, then plunged down on it sucking and jabbing at the same time. He tried to thrust.
"Oh God, that feels so good," he said through clinched teeth.
I pushed my tongue hard into it. He pushed out at the same time. I found myself massaging the inner lining of his rectum. I had never done such a thing before, and I found that it excited me to the point where I could have shot my load just tongue fucking his wonderful little rosebud. I sat back breathing hard in my excitement.
"I've got to fuck you Judd. I can't wait," I said, grabbing a condom.
"I thought you would never get to it," Judd sighed, his eyes tightly shut.
I ripped the package open, smeared lube over my shaft, then rolled the condom down it. I smeared more lube over my covered rod and forced some into Judd's pulsing eager hole. He gasped at the cold invasion. I positioned myself and started gently jabbing the tip against the opening. He was pulsing his rectal muscles in and out, in rhythm with my movements. I kept applying more and more pressure. Judd started pushing out, and suddenly my cockhead was in. We both gasped.
"Don't stop," he gritted. "Push it on in. I want to feel it all."
I kept gently rocking in and out until I was firmly planted, my pubes against his scrotum. I let go of his legs and leaned forward to kiss him. He wrapped his legs and arms around me.
"Damn, Jace, I never felt anything so wonderful. I feel so full, so much a part of you. I love you so much."
I pushed back to where I could look at him.
"No more than I love you, my sweet man."
"Fuck me now, Jace... hard. I want to know I've been fucked."
"Oh, you'll know it babe, believe me. Remember this is your first time."
I was gently pulling nearly out and then thrusting all the way to the hilt."That feels so good. Do it faster. Fuck me faster, Jace."
I picked up the pace. I was hitting his prostate on every stroke. His balls were pulled up tight. Watching him writhe under me had me so hot I was having a hard time not cumming. Suddenly he went into over load and shot clear over his head. He kept pumping out more and more cum, covering his chest and belly. The clinching of his sphincter got to me. I started filling the condom as I thrust hard against him. With a last spasm, I collapsed on top of him. He languidly wrapped his arms around me.
"Oh wow, Unk. That was way more than I ever dreamed it would be."
He kissed me. I was still trying to catch my breath and slow my heart. He caressed my back as I utterly relaxed. I rolled to the side, pulling him with me. My soften cock plopped out of his ass. I reached down and pulled the condom off, knotted it and dropped it on the floor. I cuddled back into his embrace and we both slept.
Late in the morning I awoke. Judd was lying on his side facing me. He was snoring lightly. He was just so damned beautiful I couldn't resist embracing him. He snuggled up against me, laying an arm over my ribs.
I kissed him, forcing my tongue into his mouth. He fought to pull away. I held his head, not letting him. When we broke it, he pulled back.
"How can you do that? I've got dragon breath this morning."
"You're ambrosial. You taste of all we did last night. I love it," I said.
"You're a pervert."
"Probably. Would you like coffee in bed?"
"Nah, I'll get up. Let's shower first. I feel sticky and crusty."
"You should," I laughed. "You're a real cum pig."
"Yeah, it's a shame it doesn't come in buckets."
"I like it better right out of your spigot, myself."
We chuckled as we headed for the shower. While I adjusted the water temperature, he relieved his bladder down the shower drain. I had never stopped to consider that other men might do this. I've done it since I was a child. It's a natural urge with the running water, besides it saves water. It's funny though, how sharing a shower never seems to actually save any water.
The following months were a blissful time. Judd got into his studies, and I had a new TV series to work on. Much of the time, we spent our evenings together. Annie studied a lot with Judd. I would come home and they would be sitting side by side at the table writing, or sitting next to each other on a sofa reading. I had set up a study area for Judd next to my writing area, with a PC and a regular desk. It was used only when Judd was studying by himself.
I had a tendency to feel jealous of their closeness. I fought it, by myself. I couldn't bring myself to tell him how insecure it made me feel to see them sitting together, touching, reading from the same textbook. It was obvious that Judd was secure enough in his relationship with me that he felt free to be close friends with Annie.
Once in a while Annie's girlfriend, Lee, would be there. Then, they sat at different sides of the table or scattered around the living area. I guess she didn't feel as secure in her relationship with Lee. In retrospect, I suppose that was a big compliment to me.
* * *
Thanksgiving. Tom and Betty Jean, with Judd's three younger brothers, came out for a four-day holiday. Betty Jean and I slaved away in the kitchen with Annie playing step and fetch it, while the five men and Lee watched football. They loved the big 60-inch screen with HDTV.
Occasionally, Annie would join them sitting next to Judd. He would put his arm around her shoulder and she would lean against him. The first time they did this Betty Jean looked at them, turned and raised an eyebrow at me. I shrugged and told her they were just good friends. She shrugged back as if to say who can understand the younger generation.
Tom took notice, but just seemed to ignore it. Lee, like me, just smiled and shrugged. I noticed Judd's younger brothers whispering to each other and snickering, then glancing at me, and occasionally at Lee. The older one looked a bit disgusted. Later, I overheard him tell Judd that it would be a lot more honest if he showed that kind of affection to me. Judd's reply was that he couldn't do that in front of his mom and dad, even if they did know.
Before they arrived Wednesday evening, we had moved screens around to close off the bed especially from the bathroom. The four boys slept on pallets in the living area while Tom and Betty Jean went to the Biltmore Hotel downtown. We shuttled them back and forth for the four days, accommodating them in every way we could.
I thought that Tom and I would be having a discussion sometime during their stay, but he never made a move, so I just let it pass. He seemed to accept us, and that was the only important issue that I had with him. Being eighteen years older then I am left little for us to have in common. Betty Jean on the other hand was very curious and concerned about her oldest child. I answered every question as candidly as possible. Once in awhile she withdrew into herself while she digested new ideas and facts about her son. She became my favorite sister-in-law as I got to know her... even if she was my only one. And there was no way I could think of her as my mother-in-law.
Of course, we did the tourist thing with them, Disneyland, Universal City, Hollywood, and the Pacific Ocean. They all had a good time and promised to come back soon. We sighed with relief as we watched them get on a plane back to El Paso. It had gone well.
* * *
Thanksgiving was over and the merchants of L.A did their annual blitz of gaudiness to the streets of the city. Palms are the only things I've seen that are more ludicrous than Mesquites and Tumbleweeds when decorated for Christmas. Today's heat made it even sillier and more out of place. The Santa Ana winds were blowing and it was too miserable to even put the roof down on the MG - on top of it all, it didn't have air conditioning.
I pulled into the parking garage and noticed that Annie's little VW Bug was parked next to Judd's pickup. Here studying again. I filled my arms with grocery bags, hooked my finger in the gallon jug of cranberry juice and staggered into the lift, eager for cool refrigerated air and my lover's hot arms. I rolled the door open and stepped into the loft.
I heard the shower and giggling. I walked around the wall and saw them washing each other's hair. Judd was kneeling so he was about he same height as petite little Annie. They both had both hands on each other's head, squinching their eyes to keep the soap out. Cute was the word that came to mind. I wished that I had a camera. They were like two little children playing in the water.
And then it hit me. Here were two young adults doing things to each other that I felt were very intimate. When Judd washed my hair I always became aroused, of course he always had his cock resting in the crack of my ass. I was suddenly insane with jealousy. All I could imagine was Judd fucking her. I got a cold chill. I dropped the gallon jug of cranberry juice and both bags. I could feel the sting of little cuts from the shattered glass as red juice and blood ran down my legs.
They fell away from each other. Annie was doing a 'Birth of Venus' pose trying to cover her breasts with a forearm and her privates with the other hand.
"Jace, I didn't think you'd be home for a couple of hours," Judd said as he reached for a couple of towels and tossed one to her.
"Obviously," I said.
He walked toward me drying his hair, doing nothing to cover himself.
"Damn. Your legs are bleeding," he said as he tried to kiss me. I dodged.
"That's not the only thing bleeding. You've ripped my heart out." He reached for me. "Don't touch me. I may do something violent if you do."
"We went for a run. We were sweaty. So we were showering."
"Together."
"Well, --- yeah. We're just buddies. It's no big deal."
I turned and confronted Annie who had dressed and was slipping her shoes on.
"Are you just his buddy?"
She blushed and stared right into my eyes, but didn't answer. I decided the stare meant don't be stupid.
"That's what I thought. Get out. I don't want to see you here again." "Wait, Sis. Don't go. This is just a misunderstanding. Jace, we were just showering."
"Yes, and if I'd come in ten minutes later you'd have just been fucking."
He swung and connected his fist to my jaw. I fell backwards. I'd heard about seeing stars, I was seeing one big nova. It took a couple of minutes to see clearly. When my eyes uncrossed, Judd was kneeling holding me in his arms. Tears were coursing down his face and dripping on mine. "Oh God, I didn't mean to do that. Please forgive me, Jace."
"Let go of me." My voice was icy venom. He arms went slack and he sat back, hard. His expression was incredulous. I rolled over and stood up. Annie had gone. I rubbed my jaw; there were a couple of teeth loose. I sat down on the end of the bed. Judd was still naked, he hadn't moved.
"So, what are your plans, Judd? Are you moving in with your little fuck buddy? I have a feeling you'll be missing a big cock up your ass real quick."
"I've never even thought about fucking Annie. She's a dyke, for Christ sake. And why would I move. I live here with you."
"That's past tense. I don't want you here anymore. I will not let you put me through the same things Ken did. I am fighting back this time. So go....get dressed and get out."
I stood up and walked in to the kitchen. I got the broom, dustpan and the trash can. I started cleaning up the mess. Judd sat and watched me. I ignored him. After I swept it all up, I got out the mop and cleaned up the juice. I then went in and took off my shoes and socks. I wiped my legs with a clean cloth and applied some Neosporin to the little cuts. They'd be gone in a couple of days. Judd was still sitting in the same spot. I put on clean socks and a different pair of shoes. I walked over to him.
"I'm not Ken Walker," he said. I ignored him.
"I'm going for a drive. I'll be back in 30 minutes. You will be gone by then." I turned to leave.
"Jace?" I turned and looked at him though my tears. His eyes were swollen and red. They were leaking down his cheeks. It tore at my heart. "I love you," he said.
"I love you, too. Be gone before I return."
I turned and fled before I could change my mind and let him stay. I drove aimlessly, ending up in a run down black part of town. As I drove down the street, I became aware of my surroundings. I was being stared at hostilely. I turned toward the San Pedro Freeway, and headed back home. Home, where my heart was no longer.
Judd was gone when I returned. He left me a note telling me he was checking into a motel in Culver City. He would call me later. He added that he loved me and that he was so sorry for hurting me. I told myself that I couldn't have cared less. I wadded up the note and tossed it over my shoulder. I heard it hit the floor missing the trash can. I ignored it as I threw myself across the bed.
Being alcohol intolerant is the shits at a time like this. I considered going ahead and getting dead drunk. But I had enough sanity left to realize I would only end up delirious in the hospital, or maybe even dead. There were easier ways to die than that. I reverted to my old automaton ways, freezing all emotion and working my ass off. Thank God for the word processor. I could type for days, or until I collapsed.
Jealousy is a mental illness. I was definitely ill with it. I couldn't close my eyes without imagining Judd humping on top of Annie. I could see his sweet furry buns quivering with each thrust. I could hear him panting with the exertion. I could smell the scent of his sweat. It made me sick. Sicker.
I stopped eating. I drank my sludge. I did get some nutrients from the Ovaltine, but not much. I lost weight fast, but it's not a diet I would recommend. I did all my communication over the Internet. I ignored the phone. I saw no one for over a week.
Liz missed Judd. She spent hours every day pacing around the house. Every so often she would let out a bloodcurdling wail. I would scream at her. She would look at me and go back to pacing.