Jim and Nathan enjoyed taking Bobby shopping for furnishings for his new room. Neither one had ever been to Ikea before. And even though they were both into old furniture to match the period of their homes, they found the store fascinating. They let Bobby choose the style that he wanted, and they ended up buying a chest of drawers, a dresser with a matching mirror, a desk and chair, and a twin-size bed.

Next they went clothes shopping for Bobby at the new El Paseo Mall in Pasadena. Jim firmly refused to buy the baggy over-sized clothes that many kids were into wearing. He did allow them to be big enough for Bobby to have some growing room. Bobby didn't really care; he was really basking in the loving attention that the two men were giving him. He'd never really had that from the other adults in his life.

The thing that he really liked about being with Jim and Nathan, was that they treated him like an adult. Both his mother and father had always talked down to him. He had naturally reacted as a kid by being rebellious and childish. Being treated like an adult he found himself feeling and acting more grown-up. It made him feel good about himself.

They made one last stop in a record shop where posters were sold and Bobby picked out several to cover the walls in his bedroom. Then they exchanged the car for Nathan's pickup and drove back to Burbank to the Ikea store. Once all the boxes were loaded and they were heading home it dawned on Jim that they were going to have to put all of the furniture together. He looked a Nathan and asked, "Do you realize what we've gotten ourselves into?"

"What do you mean?"

"I hope you're mechanical and can understand instructions, 'cause we have to assemble the whole bedroom."

"Nah, we'll just let Bobby do it." He glanced into the mirror and winked at Bobby. "That should keep him occupied for at least a month." He looked over Bobby who sat in the middle of the bench seat and grinned at Jim. Bobby knew that he was only kidding and dished it right back.

"You don't think I can do it all by myself?"

"Well, Jim can't," Nathan said with a big grin.

"I can too. Hey, Bobby, let's make Nathan do it all. We can go shopping while he does."

"No. I want to watch," Bobby said. "I'll bet he tries to make a bed out of the dresser."

"Or attaches the mirror to the mattress," Jim added and Bobby laughed. He was really getting into picking on Nathan.

"Time out," Nathan yelled, and frowned at them. "We big guys are supposed to be picking on the little guy. Boy! Are you two mixed up, or what?"

"It's more fun to pick on the driver. You have to pay attention to where you're going," Bobby said as he nudged Nathan in the ribs.

"No fair. Just wait 'til we get home. I'll show you to how to put things together."

Bobby slyly looked at Jim, they grinned at each other, then burst out laughing,

"He fell for it, Jim. I told you he would."

Nathan glared at Bobby in the mirror and then glanced at Jim with disbelief on his face.

"Have I just been manipulated by you two?"

"Call it what you want, Sucka," Bobby said grinning.

"I don't believe this. Just wait until we get home. I'll show you."

"You'll show us? How?" Bobby teased him more.

"Just wait and see. Payback's going to be fun." Nathan smirked. Even though he was frustrated, he still grinned while he plotted his revenge. He pulled the pickup into Jim's driveway and parked in front of the door. Joking around was forgotten as they lugged the heavy boxes up the stairs and down to the far end of the hall.

"Thank God that there aren't more bedrooms beyond here. He would have to pick the farthest one," Nathan grumbled as he let the last big box that he and Jim were carrying between them slide to the floor.

"You know guys," Bobby said, trying to look serious, "maybe that room at the other end of the hall across from Jim's would be better. Grab those boxes and take them back to the room closest to the stairs."

"No way, Buster, you made your choice," Jim said as he advanced toward the kid, grinning wickedly.

Nathan saw the amusement in Bobby's eyes and growled, "I'm gonna get you good. I'll teach you to pick on poor over-worked me, Buster. I'll get you."

He lunged at Bobby and barely managed to grasp the back of his shirt as Bobby dodged away and ran right into Jim's waiting arms. Jim grabbed him, pinning his arms to his sides. Bobby was laughing so hard he couldn't put up much of a fight. Nathan wrapped them both in a bear hug. He was face to face with Jim with Bobby scrunched between them as they stared into each others eyes. Bobby knew the struggle was over and stopped squirming. He looked up just as the two men's lips met above him.

"Ugh! Do you have to do that with me squashed in the middle?" He tried to duck down and away.

Nathan grabbed him up and planted a big kiss on his forehead, and dropped him on the plastic covered mattress that had been knocked over in the playful skirmish. "There. Now we're even." He turned back to Jim and wrapped him in an embrace again.

They kissed, ignoring Bobby for the moment. Bobby lay where he'd been dumped, propped up on his elbows, watching, fascinated. As Nathan released Jim, Bobby said, "Cool." Jim turned a dark scarlet.

Nathan grinned at them both. "I love you guys."

Jim turned away from them, tore open a box and started removing its contents. Nathan's grin slid off his face. He instinctively knew that something was still messing with Jim's emotions. It was painful not to be able to do anything about it until Jim was ready to be helped. He stared at Jim's back. Bobby could see the hurt in Nathan's eyes, but didn't know what to do about it, so he got up and went into his bathroom to relieve himself and to give the two men some privacy.

"Jim?" Nathan laid a hand on his shoulder.

"Leave me alone."

"Please don't do this, Jim. Please talk to me."

"I don't want to talk. Go away and leave me alone."

"Alright. If and when you want to talk, you know where I am."

When Bobby came back in Nathan already had gone. Jim was sitting on the desk chair fiddling with one of the weird little connectors that would hold the side of the desk to the top.

"I thought Nathan was going to help us put all of this together."

"He had other things to do," Jim said not looking up. Bobby studied Jim's back for a moment.

"Oh." He sat down on the edge of the mattress and watched Jim.

"Nathan loves you," Bobby said. His voice so low it was nearly a whisper. Jim continued to play with the connector. "You know that don't you, Jim?"

"What would you know about love?" There was a bitterness in his voice that Bobby hadn't heard before.

"I'm only fifteen, Jim, and I haven't had much love in my life..... but I know it when I see it. I wish someone would look at me with love like the love that's in Nathan's eyes when he looks at you." The wistfulness in his voice made Jim feel more ashamed of himself than he already was feeling for treating Nathan so coldly.

He turned toward Bobby. "Com'ere," he said. Bobby stood up, hesitantly. Jim held his arms out toward him. Bobby stepped up to Jim and got wrapped in a hug. Bobby hugged him back.

"I love you, Bobby. And I know Nathan does, too. But, God, it is so hard to just let go and accept it."

"But don't you love him?"

Jim released the embrace. "I love Nathan. It's just--- I don't know."

"You've still got hang-ups from what Robert did to you, Jim. Nathan is a psychiatrist. He's helped me a lot. Let him help you. Talk to him." He hugged Jim and moved away.

"You're pretty smart for a kid."

"Yeah? So? Go talk to him. He's hurting as much as you are. Besides," he said with a smirk, "I need him to get my new bedroom put together. You're not much help."

"Smart ass teenager. I can't believe a fifteen year old is giving me advice on my love life."

"So go find him. Geez, what are you waiting for?" Bobby said in exasperation.

Jim got up, repeating, "Smart ass teenager." He grinned at Bobby and went looking for Nathan.

Jim knocked on Nathan's front door. When there was no answer, he turned the knob and opened it, calling out for Nathan. Still there was no answer, so he walked through to the kitchen and saw the back door standing open. He stepped out into the back yard and looked around. At first he didn't see Nathan sitting on a little stone bench in the corner. He was leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, his chin resting on his fists as he stared at the ground in front of his shoes.

Jim walked over and kneeled beside him. When he put his hand on Nathan's thigh, Nathan looked at him, took Jim's hand and pressed it between both of his and sighed.

"You'd think that as a goddamned psychiatrist, I would know how to deal with you."

"Nathe, I---"

"Shh...," he paused in thought then said, "I've always had a strong sex drive which I have always sublimated into my work. I meet you and it all goes to hell. I'm obsessed. I want to be with you constantly. I'm so happy when I am. But then, when you turn-off, like you did awhile ago, I crash and burn. I've come to realized that I'm just a mere human. I used to be this... this 'super headshrinker' that could fix anyone's head. Ha! I can't even fix my own." He shook his head as though to sling the thoughts out of it.

"Bobby suggested that maybe you could help me. But then... you may be too involved. Maybe I should find help elsewhere."

Nathan stood up and pulled Jim up into an embrace, rested his chin on Jim's shoulder for a moment, then said, "Let's go into the house." He led Jim into the living room and sat down on the sofa.

"Sit here." He patted the cushion next to him. Jim sat down and Nathan put an arm around him and pulled him close. Jim relaxed against him, nestling his head on Nathan's chest. "Okay, Jim, can you tell me why you turned off today?"

Jim didn't respond. Nathan held him and waited. He could feel Jim getting uptight again. After a couple of minutes Jim drew in a ragged sigh and started to sit up. Nathan held him in place.

"Please let me go. You don't need me. I'm just used second-hand merchandise."

"Stop the bullshit, Jim, you know that is not true. Now tell me what's going on. One minute you're a grownup happy adult and then you're suddenly a sulking child. So sit back and let it out."

Jim slowly relaxed and rested his head back on Nathan's chest. Tears leaked from his eyes. He quietly sobbed. Nathan caressed him with his free hand, and asked, "Bobby's coming into our lives has brought all this to the surface hasn't it?"

Jim nodded.

"You want to tell me about it?"

Jim nodded again.

"When you're ready."

Jim let out a ragged sigh, and started talking, quietly, in an unemotional voice.

Bobby sat down on the mattress that Nathan had earlier dropped him on when they were horsing around. He looked around at the boxes and let out a happy little sigh. What were the chances of his cousin, that he had only heard whispers about but never met, suddenly appearing, and in just two days turn his miserable life around? His life was for sure getting better. He had his shrink, who had become his hero, living right next door, and his grown-up cousin. They both said they loved him. And to top it all off he got to live in this big house instead of the grimy streets of Hollywood. He was even looking forward to going to school here.

After awhile of daydreaming, waiting for the two men to come back and put the furniture together, Bobby got impatient and went looking for them. As he started to knock on Nathan's open door he heard Jim talking in a quiet voice. He could barely make out what he was saying. As he listened to Jim describing how Robert had used and abused him as a teenager, Bobby's own experiences with his father over whelmed him. He sank down on the doorstep weeping and curled into a fetal ball, covering his ears to shut out Jim's empty hollow voice. Tears leaked out of his eyes, while snot leaked out of his nose. He sniffled and furiously wiped at it with the back of his hand.

Nathan heard the sniffle and sat forward. Jim stopped talking.

"What?" he asked.

"I think Bobby's outside the door."

Jim jumped up and rushed to the door with Nathan right behind him. Jim knelt beside Bobby and laid his hand on his head.

"Let me have him, Jim," Nathan said, moving in and picking him up. He sat down in the leather cushioned Stickley rocking chair. Jim stood beside the chair as Nathan rocked and soothed the boy, his own emotional trauma forgotten in his concern for Bobby. Bobby started to relax. Nathan looked up at Jim.

"Would you get us a glass of water?"

Jim went to Nathan's kitchen and searched the cabinets until he found a glass and filled it from the faucet. He drank the whole glassful, then filled two more glasses and took both back to the living room. Nathan was sitting on the sofa with Bobby sitting beside him. Jim handed them each a glass. They both drank a little and handed the glasses back to Jim.

Nathan rubbed Bobby's back. "Are you feeling better now?" he asked.

"Yeah." He released a big gulping sigh. "That was the worst in a while. Listening to Jim was like reliving what that bastard did to me."

Nathan looked up at Jim. Jim could see the silent question of concern in his eyes.

"I'm okay. I want to talk more. Maybe this evening?" Jim answered.

Nathan nodded. "What do you guys say to getting Bobby's bedroom put together?"

Jim and Bobby both agreed. They all trooped back over to the big house next door.

A few hours later Jim closed the lid on the empty Pizza box. Bobby was absorbed in an action movie on TV. Jim got up, looked at Nathan and motioned with his head toward the kitchen. Nathan followed him out of the den.

"Would you like a cup of hot tea?" Jim asked as he folded the box and put it into the trash.

"That sounds good. Betcha thought we wouldn't get it all put together right, didn't ya?" Nathan propped his butt against the counter while he watched Jim fill the kettle with water and place it on a burner.

"Oh, I had no doubt we'd get it, but I didn't think that it'd be this soon." Jim turned around and saw Nathan watching him. Nathan smiled.

"What?" Jim asked.

"I love watching you. You're so beautiful."

"Oh, stop." He started toward the dish cupboard. Nathan grabbed his arm as he passed and pulled him to his chest. He wrapped his arms around him. He loved the way Jim just relaxed against him, and hugged him back. He took Jim's chin in his hand, raised his face and brushed his lips over Jim's. Jim gasped at the sensation.

"I love you, Jim. You've become the most important person in my life." Jim laid his head against Nathan's chest and sighed. "You were wrong this afternoon," Nathan continued, "I do need you. I've always been so self sufficient, but now, I don't think I could make it, without you in my life. I need you, Jim. I need you to love me."

Jim looked up at Nathan.

"I do love you, Nathe. With all my heart I love you."

"So what is the problem?"

"I'm just so fucked up. My heart says I love you, but my brain keeps saying I'm not worthy of your love."

"No one in the world is more worthy of my love than you, Jim. The way you make me feel when you look at me with those big blue eyes, makes me feel so special."

They stared into each others eyes. Jim's brimmed with tears. "Tell me that often, Nathe. Keep telling me that until I can totally believe you."

With Nathan's butt propped against the counter and Jim lying against him, they continued kissing and caressing each other until Bobby erupted into the room.

"Oh, excuse me," Bobby said as he moved to the refrigerator. "I was just going to get another soda and something to munch on. I didn't know you guys were making out in the kitchen."

"That's okay, Bobby, the kitchen is public domain. You don't have to knock." Jim laughed. He struggled to move away from Nathan, but Nathan just held him tight. He pulled Jim into another kiss while Bobby had his head buried in the fridge.

When he released him, he said, "I'd better go. It's Bobby bed time anyway."

He turned and left the room before Bobby could see his state of excitement. Jim quickly sat down to hide his. He was bewildered. One minute Nathan was saying and doing wonderful things to him and the next he was abandoned.

"I'm just going to have a glass of milk and a cookie and go to bed," Bobby was saying as he reached his hand into the old ceramic pig cookie jar sitting on the counter. Typical of a teenager, he inhaled the drink and cookie.

"I'm going to bed now." He walked over to Jim and hugged him. "Thanks for all you're doing for me Jim. I love my new bedroom. It's so cool"

Jim absentmindedly hugged him back. "You're welcome, Bobby. You know I love you, too. Goodnight."

Bobby left. Jim stood up and wandered aimlessly around the room and then scooted into the booth that wrapped around the table. He pulled his knees up to his chest and rested his chin on them as he stared into the black night.