"No, your mom didn’t actually admit to you she thought you were a lesbian. YOUR mom convinced her fiancé to pay off your credit card bills so you don’t have to work while you’re in school," Zoey said as she Grace and Trey all entered Trey’s room.
Trey was barely existing. After the day, week, YEAR, he’d had, he realized that he was barely existing. He was hearing nothing and seeing nothing. He was there and that was it and that was all.
He was pretty sure it was Noah standing in there room waiting for him. He was pretty sure the look on his face looked like more grief was headed he way. And he was pretty sure that he wasn’t ready for it but none of it mattered if he couldn’t feel. And right there, in that moment, he could feel absolutely nothing.
"Ooh, this look like a moment we don’t need to be involved in. Come on girl. Trey, boy, we’ll see you later," Grace said grabbing Zoey and leaving.
Trey hadn’t even noticed they’d said anything let alone left. All he saw was Noah and all he was wondering was what was next.
"Shawn said I could wait for you," Noah spoke.
Trey couldn’t tell what kind of news was in store for him by the tone of Noah’s voice, even though he tried. He wasn’t sure what to do in that moment so he just stood as Noah, placed his hands in his pockets.
"You wanna...you wanna sit down? I don’t know if-"
"What is it Noah?" Trey asked, wanting to get whatever it was over with.
He knew he was a bad boyfriend. He knew he had issues. Noah was going to point them out for him and he was going to tell Noah he loved him so he could solve them. It was at least one thing he could fix that was wrong in his life.
To Trey, it looked like Noah didn’t want to say whatever it was he had to say. Noah sighed and looked around the room before turning around walking back a bit before stopping and facing Trey again.
"I told you I loved you," he started. "And all I got was.....I told you I loved you."
Trey was well aware of this. Too aware. It had caused him unnecessary stress. Why now? Why did Noah have to tell him now? He wasn’t going anywhere. He wasn’t dying. He could feel it. Why did he need to be told?
"Can I ask you a question Trey?" Noah asked.
Trey tried to respond but found his throat and mouth too dry to say anything.
"Are you happy?"
Trey stared at Noah. Noah was waiting for a response. That much he knew. And he needed to give it to him.
"What?"
"Are you happy? Are you happy with your life and the stuff that happens to you? Are you happy?"
Trey looked down.
There was a lot of stuff wrong in his life and there was a lot of stuff that went wrong in his life but he liked to think that he was at least a happy person. He didn’t go cry in corners when things didn’t go his way. He didn’t mutilate his arms with something sharp just to make the pain go away.
The way he dealt with it all was to just keep it inside and away from everyone. That was how he chose to deal. And now he had to open up and share things when he didn’t want to.
"Of course I’m happy with you, Noah," Trey replied, not convincingly and not even able to look Noah in the eyes for very long.
"No," Noah sighed, frustrated. "Not with me. With everything in general. Trey I don’t think you’re happy and I think that’s our biggest problem."
Trey felt like he’d felt earlier at his mom’s house. Like the world was slipping under his feet and he had no sense of control.
"Well I can fix it. I can work on it and I can make it better."
"I don’t know if it’s that simple, Trey," Noah said simply. "I mean I like to think you can do that and I’ve been thinking you’re capable of handling all of your problems and just letting go but I realized something."
Trey didn’t like where things were headed.
"I realized that if you can’t be happy at all then how are you supposed to be happy with me or any relationship you don’t want?"
"Noah...I do want-"
"Do you love me?"
Trey wanted to say yes in the hopes of ending the entire confrontation but knew they were far past that for it to work.
"I....I don’t....I don’t know."
"Exactly. You don’t know. Because maybe I’m not what you want. Or maybe I am and you don’t realize it but I can’t just wait around for you to figure that out. I know I love you, right now in this moment. I know that I would do anything that you asked me to because I love you and because...and because you make me happy Trey."
Trey just felt completely ashamed with himself now.
"You make me feel like all the crap I dealt with the past two years before this never happened and like my life is perfect even though it’s not. I know that. Do you know that about yourself? Do you feel like that when you’re with me?"
Trey looked away from Noah, unable to keep the tears from silently streaming down his face.
"I can’t...fix you, Trey. I see you broken and unhappy and I want to fix you but I can’t. I want to make all the bad in your life go away but I can’t. Because I’m a part of it. And it’s something you need to work on if you ever want to get past any of it."
Trey wiped the tears from his face, feeling angry now.
"So what you’re saying that I’m a lost cause that has to be alone now?"
"No, Trey..." Noah got down on his knees in front of Trey and grabbed his hands, kissing them gently before looking him deeply in the eyes. "I’m telling you that you’re not a lost cause. You’re lost but you’re not a lost cause. There’s just too much wrong in your life and too much uncertainty in your life for you to deal with thinking you’re happy in a relationship you’re not even sure you really want."
"No, but Noah," Trey started, tears continuing to flow down his face. "Please. I can do better. I can be better. I can fix all of this."
"I know," Noah said gently. "But that’s gonna take time and you need to be thinking clearly."
"Noah, please..."
"Trey I don’t want to argue about this. It’s hard enough as it is," Noah replied. "And I don’t want it to be harder to tell you that I’m leaving."
Trey just stared at Noah. At this point, the fact that his boyfriend was leaving was probably the least of all the shocks and surprises he’d gone through lately.
"Chad remembers who he is. He’s got money. A lot. And he wants to help people. He wants to help me understand music better. So I’m going with him. To London."
The tears fell from Trey’s eyes faster now. So much so that he could barely see Noah but he didn’t want to wipe them away. He felt to paralyzed to do anything let alone worry about some silly tears.
"It’s only for a month and I’ll be back before the end of the school year," Noah replied. "But I figured it gives you enough time to clear your head and think about what you want. Finally decide if you want to be with me or someone else. And if you’ve made up your mind and figured everything out when I come back and decide it’s me you want to be with....then you can tell me you love me back. And I’ll know you mean it because I’ll be able to tell you feel it the same way I already do."
"Noah..."
"I’m sorry this hurts Trey," Noah said. "I wanted to fix you. This was all I could do to help."
Trey watched as Noah stood up, looking down at Trey. Trey looked away from him. He was angry and heartbroken and cold and paralyzed and alone and every horrible feeling he’d ever felt or ever could feel all at once in that moment. And it sucked.
Noah leaned down and gently kissed Trey on his forehead, wiping his tears from his right eye.
"Goodbye, Trey."
Trey couldn’t bring himself to look at Noah as he exited the room. As soon as the door shut he fell back on his bed, burying his head into his pillow as the tears continued to pour from his face.
He’d never felt so bad in his entire life. He felt like he had nothing and no one and it felt like he was the only thing on the Earth that was alone and worthless. Everything and everyone had someone and he had absolutely nothing and no one.
Noah was leaving and he’d drove him to it. He only had himself to blame and he hated himself for it.
It was like the worst things in his world were happening all at once and he couldn’t breathe and his lungs were closing in and all the air was leaving and.....
Trey sat up quickly, the sweat pouring from his body.
He wasn’t breathing heavily and he didn’t feel like anything had happened. Just that he’d had a nightmare and that he was sweaty. He looked over at his pillow beside him and clutched it, instantly feeling all the pain he’d felt the previous night.
It hadn’t been a nightmare. Noah had left him after all. He knew that if it had all been a dream he wouldn’t have felt as badly as he did in that moment.
He really was alone now.
Or, not completely.
He looked over an saw Shawn sleeping silently in the bed across the room. It was daylight outside now and obviously a new day. A new school day. Only he did feel at all like school. The world as he knew it was over for him.
His mother had abandoned him. His boyfriend had abandoned him. And he was stuck sharing a room with a guy that he’d been trying to get over since the night they’d stupidly slept together. His world sucked.
Trey let his feet fall to the ground as he stretched and then stood up. He walked over to the sink and turned on the light above it, looking at himself in the mirror.
Was it that he was some kind of monster that created bad things for himself? Was that it? Was he just not someone people wanted to love? Did he even love himself?
He had no idea how long he’d been standing in front of the mirror with the water running in the sink but it had apparently been long enough to wake Shawn from his slumber. Trey only realized this once he felt a hand on his back. It took him a few seconds to realize that it was Shawn and where he was.
Trey walked away from Shawn and over to his bed. Shawn looked back at Trey for a moment before turning off the water and pulling a chair over to Trey’s bed.
"Tough huh?" he asked.
"What?" Trey asked, barely even registering the question in his mind.
"The filming. Not what you thought it was gonna be or everything you thought it would be and it’s running you ragged with how fake it is? I bet it’s both huh?" Shawn asked.
Trey could tell his roommate was only trying to make simple conversation but he didn’t really feel like talking to him or anyone.
"I’m not gonna be nosy and ask about Noah," Shawn said. "I hope it was okay to let him stay here and wait for you. I came back a couple times and he was still here. He must’ve waited at least three hours for you."
That fact was found to be funny by Trey for some reason as he started laughing uncontrollably. Shawn wasn’t quite sure what was funny and hoped that Trey was okay in that moment.
"He left me last night," Trey said still laughing. "He told me I was a fucking miserable person who had a miserable life and he didn’t wanna be around me or any of it so he ran away to Paris or London or wherever the hell he said he was going to go play games with his new best friend. Funny right?"
Shawn wasn’t even sure if Trey was really being serious or not but considering the sheer amount of time Noah had waited around just to talk to Trey face to face when he easily could have called him must have meant that something serious had to have gone down between them.
"Trey....what-"
"And before that my fucking director told my mom I’m a fucking fag and she threw me out! Said she didn’t wanna have anything to do with me. Can you believe that? My luck right? Because I’m such a fucking wonderful, lovely, lucky person!"
"Trey..."
That was all Shawn could think to say in that moment. That much he could at least get out was Trey’s name.
"Everybody has something. Everybody has someone. I have my fucking miserable life," Trey replied. "What do I need to be here for? You’d all just be fine without me anyway."
"No...Trey you’re scaring me talking like that. You’re not thinking about..."
Trey looked over at Shawn.
"Killing myself? Over Noah? HE left ME, remember? And now I get to have nightmares about him walking out on me every night for the rest of my life."
Trey stood up and walked over to his closet, looking for his day’s clothes.
Shawn looked back at Trey. He’d never seen Trey look like such a completely mixed up bag of emotions. Usually Shawn knew exactly what was wrong with Trey because most of the time it had something to do with the two of them. But as far as he knew, Trey had moved on and he himself was doing his best to do the same with Collin so it couldn’t have been him this time.
This was all Noah. He didn’t know why but he felt angry. Angrier than he’d ever felt in his life. Noah was supposed to be Trey’s boyfriend. He was supposed to care about Trey and care about what happened to him. And now Trey was telling him that Noah cared more about himself than his boyfriend to worry about any of that.
All he knew in that moment was that he really hoped that Trey was telling the truth about Noah being gone because he knew that if he wasn’t gone and he ran into him, he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from hurting Noah for hurting Trey.
Even if they weren’t together, he still was his roommate and hopefully his friend. He cared enough. And apparently more than Noah.
"It’s gonna be okay Trey," Shawn started. "I mean, I know it doesn’t seem like it right now but-"
"Whatever, it’s done right? He’s gone. There’s nothing I can do about it. So I just have to move on. Like a normal human being without a shitload of problems."
Shawn watched as Trey ironed his clothes, obviously upset despite what he wanted him to believe.
"You sure about class? I mean, we could just stay here and hang out. Play some Halo," Shawn spoke, hoping to come across as casually as possible.
"No, you don’t want to be like me Shawn. Not when you have a boyfriend that cares about you. You don’t want him to doubt whether or not you care about him. You don’t want to push him away. You don’t want that. Nobody does."
Shawn really had no idea what to say. He wanted to do more but he felt like there was more to the situation that he didn’t know. All he did know was that now more than ever he needed to make sure that he was there for Trey as much as he would let him. There was no way he was going to let him do something stupid over Noah.
* * *
"All we would have to do is just keep going. It’s the woods, they wouldn’t look for us," Seth attempted to say as he ran.
"Probably because they’d rightly assume we’d been eaten by the wide away of forest creatures that no doubt dwell in said forestry," Jesse panted back.
"Or that a killer on the loose got us. Or aliens. I don’t know...both maybe?" David added.
The three were running around the outside exercise court of the rehab facility as part of the new morning exercise program they had been forcibly enrolled in. Everyone participated but only they had to run an extra 2 miles every morning for attempting to escape in the first place.
While it wasn’t ideal, it was much better than the alternative, which they’d seen.
"We’re not running away again. Just suck it up and be a man for once in your life," Jesse said as the three of them finished the second mile of their extra two.
Everyone else was enjoying their breakfast by now while security began escorting the three of them back inside and towards the eating hall.
As Jesse had come to find out, the place wasn’t all that bad. They were treated far worse than he was accustomed to being treated but the actual facility itself was pretty nice and even for having escaped it’s confines once he and everyone else were given much more freedom than he’d anticipated they would have. And while it certainly did not mean that he’d rather be here than sitting comfortably in his flat at home while his housekeeper cooked his favorite meal, for the time being he could accept it. Just as long as no one but the people who already did know would find out.
"The things you tell us to our face," Jesse mumbled. "It’s no wonder now why I’m more liked."
"What? You aren’t more liked. Or liked at all," Jesse replied. "I may not be shown the same respect that I get elsewhere but I believe our fellow rehab folk are warming to me."
"Sure they are," Seth mumbled as the three of them gathered their plate of breakfast.
As Jesse placed a banana on his tray he thought to himself.
"There’s a relatively simple way we can put that notion to the test," he started as the three of them moved to the buffet bar.
"Yeah, you’re right. We can just hang you backwards off the roof and see if anyone here wants to save you," Seth replied.
"Don’t be mean, Seth," David replied. "I’m sure lots of people like you Jesse."
"I know lots of people like me. But to see exactly how many more like me than you I think we should hold an election," Jesse replied.
"What like a presidential election? One of us is gonna get to be king of the rehab folk?" Seth chuckled as they took their seats.
"More or less. If you’d be up for losing."
Seth looked over at Jesse as David looked between the two of them.
"You know what, you’re on," Seth replied. "It’ll take my mind of the misery of being stuck here for another month with you."
"Well, as an active presidential candidate the first order of business to get out of the way is the picking of a running mate. At least, I’m pretty sure that’s the way things work around here. So I pick David."
"What?"
"Me?"
"You can’t do that!" Seth objected. "What if I want David?"
"Sorry, too late. I’ve made an executive decision. It’s the only way I can be sure my campaign will be most effective. And since I now have running mate and campaign manager, it will only be fair if you find the same. Otherwise I win be default."
Seth definitely felt frustrated in that moment. He knew and Jesse knew that everyone liked David. He was the youngest person in the entire center and most people treated him like a little brother of the non-annoying variety. With David and Jesse’s side it meant that he was going to need somebody willing to play dirty to help him win.
"Fine," he replied. "But just be prepared to lose because when this thing is over and I’m president you’re gonna have to do what I say and I can definitely say I’m missing all the perks money provides."
"Fine but you don’t get to blow me," Jesse replied.
"Yeah. So funny."
Both of them knew the rivalry was on and both being fiercely competitive and strivers of being great, they wanted to win and were each willing to do whatever it was going to take to achieve it.
* * *
It had taken a lot from Trey for him to manage getting through the day. He didn’t want to allow himself to be so distraught over Noah that he couldn’t function but there was just too much about the situation that had been left on his mind.
Noah called him broken. He said that he was someone that couldn’t be fixed and that was the reason he left him. Alone. By himself. Or not by himself. With Shawn.
What was he supposed to do? He didn’t know. All he knew was that his life officially sucked.
"I can’t believe his ass trying to con somebody like that," Grace said as she sprinkled pepper over her bowl of stew. "The crazy people we got living these days."
It was lunch time and it had taken everything Trey had not to blow his friends off in favor of wallowing in his own self pity.
"You gotta give the guy credit though. Chad’s hot. And rich. Who wouldn’t wanna be the guy’s husband?" Amber said.
"Of course that statement came out of your mouth," Sierra spoke. "FYI, pretending to be someone’s husband is crazy and wanting to marry somebody because they’re hot and rich is just wrong. What’s the matter with you?"
"Well it doesn’t matter because we all know the truth now," Zoey said. "Who would’ve thought Chad was coming here to help us with the Pink Panther home building project."
"That check he left is really gonna come in handy for the club," Grace replied. "Before that we was almost running out of funds. We might not of been able to finish the house."
"Oh, shame," Sierra spoke sarcastically.
"Shut up girl, nobody making you help," Grace replied.
"Too bad he took that hottie boyfriend of yours with him though, Trey," Sierra said. "I was actually starting to like his cynicism."
"I can’t believe Noah just left you like that boy," Grace spoke, reaching out and taking Trey’s hand from across the table. "Just cuz you wasn’t ready to tell him you loved him back didn’t mean he had to run off to go play music man in London."
Trey hadn’t told anyone about Noah leaving and figured they must have found out about it from Chad or Noah. He hadn’t really been in the mood to talk about anything, actually.
"I agree," Zoey added. "Talking about your problems face to face is always better than country skipping for a month and hoping things will be better when you come back."
"Are you speaking from experience? Have a girlfriend skip town on you, maybe?" Sierra asked.
Zoey looked over at Sierra.
"You know you keep talking and I’ll show you at least one thing that’s lesbian about me," she said.
"Which would be?" Sierra asked.
"Me kicking your ass like a man," Zoey replied promptly shutting Sierra up.
"Hey guys," Shawn greeted everyone, a friendly smile on his face.
Without even looking up at him Trey could tell that Shawn wasn’t alone.
"Hey Shawn. Collin," Grace said. "Have a seat."
Shawn looked over at Trey who didn’t return the look.
"Is he.."
"His boyfriend ran off to London with another guy," Zoey replied. "How do you think he feels?"
"About that or about...the other part?" Shawn asked.
Grace and Zoey exchanged looks.
"What other part?" Grace asked.
Shawn looked over at Trey.
"They don’t know?" Shawn asked hoping that they did and his asking wouldn’t ruin anything.
"Know what?" Zoey asked.
"Boy...what’s going on?" Grace asked.
"Ooh, scandal," Sierra spoke, sounding alert and interested. "Interesting."
"Shawn, maybe we shouldn’t-"
"Wait," Trey spoke up for the first time. "You told...him?"
Shawn looked into Trey’s eyes.
"Trey.."
"No you know what, my boyfriend breaking up with me and calling me damaged and unfixable isn’t exactly something I want YOUR boyfriend or anyone to know!"
"Noah broke up with you?" Grace asked.
Trey was furious but not entirely because Shawn had apparently told Collin about Noah breaking up with him. It was more about a lot of things and they were all things that he didn’t really want to be discussed among his friends and everyone else. He’d become accustomed to keeping all of his drama to himself and that was the way he wanted to keep it.
"Trey?" Grace said, placing a hand on Trey’s shoulder.
"It’s fine. I’m fine," He said, looking at the table. "He said he couldn’t fix me and I had too many problems to be in a relationship. I’m not happy enough apparently. I get it. It’s fine and I’m fine."
No one was quite expecting what Trey had said and as such no one quite knew what to say in that moment. No one, however, was surprised at who the first to speak was and what they had said.
"How can he want to fix you for being gay if he’s your boyfriend?" Amber asked. "That’s just stupid."
"No, you’re stupid," Sierra replied. "How about you just shut up and let the grown ups talk?"
"Go find em first bitch!" Amber replied.
"Okay both of ya’ll shut up now, damn," Grace said. "Trey, look at me. Tell me what happened."
"I don’t wanna talk about it," Trey replied.
Grace stared at Trey for a few more moments before sitting back and looking at the table again.
"Trey, I’m sorry...I didn’t mean to-"
"Whatever. I said I was fine. Drop it," Trey replied, still pissed but not in the mood to cause any kind of huge commotion.
"Why does Noah get to be the one to decide you’re damaged and in need of fixing?" Sierra asked after a few moments of silence. "I mean I like the guy and all but that’s just being a prick."
"You know Jesse’s in rehab. And Chad’s gone. Technically there’s not really anyone around that even likes either of you," Zoey said, referring to Sierra and Amber. "Let us worry about our friend. Okay?"
From one awkward moment to the next it once again grew quiet among everyone.
"You know what? You’re right," Sierra spoke standing up. "Think of all the things I’ve been missing in out on in the real world because I’ve been too sucked up into you and your cartoon world."
"Yeah," Amber added standing up. "Jesse’s not here, why do I have to be?"
Sierra and Amber left, at first together but then realizing they were doing so each exited in separate doors leaving everyone sitting alone with the bombshell that had just been dropped upon them.
"Trey, you don’t think you need to talk about-"
"Just leave it Grace!" Trey shouted, attracting some attention from nearby tables.
"Trey, she’s just trying to help," Zoey offered.
"Yeah well I don’t need anyone’s fucking help," Trey barked. "What I need is to forget I ever had a boyfriend and focus on trying to move on with my life."
"What about the show?" Zoey asked. "I mean, you need to be focused for-"
"I don’t need to be focused for shit, Zoey," Trey replied, still obviously upset. "Alright? I’m quitting that stupid show before it can screw up the rest of my life."
"No, Trey you can’t just quit the show," Grace said. "I mean what happened to proving yo ass was gonna be the only real thing on MTV?"
"So what?" Trey asked. "I’m moving on. You should too."
"Trey-"
"Would you just leave me alone you stupid bitch!" Trey shouted, before throwing his seat back and rushing off in a flustered hurry.
Grace and Zoey were both blown away. Neither of them knew what to say or what was going on with Trey other than they were trying to help and he was shutting them out and pulling the plug on the show that was going to feature the both of them and make them stars as well.
"And you were attracted to that?" Collin asked, looking over at Shawn who felt worried in that moment.
* * *
"For the last and final time, I don’t know, David!" Jesse shouted standing up and beginning to pace about their room. "What do you want me to say? That I love little puppies and babies, because I find both to be rather annoying creatures."
"I’m just trying to figure out what kind of stuff makes you seem like more of a sensitive guy," David replied, putting the pen in his hand down.
"And why would I need to come across as more sensitive? Seth isn’t a very sensitive guy."
"Yeah but people actually like Seth. I hate to say it Jesse but it’s gonna take a miracle to get people to even consider voting against Seth. Everybody likes him."
"Well that’s what you’re here for right? You don’t have to get them to like me. You just have to get them to dislike me less than Seth so I can win this election."
"And that’s exactly what I’m trying to do," David replied. "You just have to calm down and think about toning down a bit."
"I’m sorry, are you asking me to consider being a normal person?" Jesse asked. "Because my being on a greater level than the average human being is what set’s me apart from-"
"Maybe we just need to start somewhere else," David interrupted, slowly tiring of Jesse. "Why do you think you should win as opposed to Seth?"
"Have you taken a good look at me, lately? I’m gorgeous."
"Jesse, I’m being serious here."
"So am I. Listing my finer points will be the surest way to assure victory for myself. And if I win, we both win. Our last month here will be spent in bliss and..."
Jesse stopped once he heard clapping and cheering coming from somewhere outside his room. Not really sure if he’d heard correctly or not he froze just staring at the wall and listening. Things had grown quiet once again but he was still suspicious.
"What-"
"Shh!"
There was no more clapping or cheering going on but that hadn’t stopped Jesse from throwing the door to their room open and walking out into the hallway.
At first glance, something seemed off. It was oddly quiet and uneventful when normally the halls held at least some signs of life. And now there was nothing.
He paused a moment, unsure of where to go first but began slowly walking down the hallway stopping once he came across something that disturbed him.
"What is this now?" he spoke aloud, as David walked up behind him.
It was a campaign poster. On the poster was a picture of Jesse taking a nap after a particularly intense running session from one day last week. He tended to sleep a little crazy when he was more tired. So sometimes he looked like he’d spent a night out partying with Hollywood’s binge drinking sweetheart of the week. But he was in rehab now and there was no way that a picture of him looking drunk and out of it should have been able to fly when in actuality he was only sleeping off a run.
"Looks like Seth is campaigning," David said, eying the poster.
"So he’s found a campaign manager then," Jesse replied. "Interesting."
"Maybe we should go make our own posters," David replied. "I said from the start we should be treating this thing like you actually care."
"No," Jesse spoke, barely paying attention to David’s presence. "I heard....things. Where is everyone?"
Both boys looked around Jesse still in suspicion mode before hearing muffled voices coming from the cafeteria.
"Lunch was an hour ago," David said. "What’s going on?"
"Let’s find out, shall we?"
Jesse was trying to keep himself contained and from feeling upset but he could barely help it as he rushed past David and stormed right into the cafeteria, apparently walking in on a speech being given by none other than Seth.
"And I can guarantee you that voting for me won’t just be some stupid win or lose game between two frenemies," Seth was saying. "Because this isn’t just about who wins or loses. It’s about what’s good for all of us."
"What on earth!?" Jesse exclaimed, heading right over to where Seth was. "Slander is illegal, I’ll have you know. And if you think I’m wrong just remember that my father owns a publishing company. I would know."
"Jesse, what are you doing here?" Seth asked, a bit nervously.
"Well I believe we’re all here for the same obligatory reasons but that’s beside the point," Jesse replied. "Why is everyone gathered around to listen to you spill venom and vile over my good name while I wasn’t given the chance to defend myself?"
"Back off, Brit boy. You wanna campaign, get your manager to set up a time. Otherwise get away from my partner."
Jesse, aghast, looked over at who had just spoken.
"Why doesn’t it surprise me that you’re Seth’s campaign manager?" Jesse spoke. "You’re both two clueless peas in a pod as far as I’m concerned."
"Hey, you took David so I had no choice but to get the next best thing and Gavin is the shit-"
"Careful, language," Dr. Walker said, announcing to Jesse that she was also present at the rally he wasn’t invited to.
"Way to go David! You’re supposed to be my campaign manager. You know, the one that stays on top of everything? Don’t tell me you’ve undergone amnesia and have forgotten the way it all works because I’ve already been through my own personally strange version of Mulholland Dr. and it wasn’t very enthralling the first time!"
The room, which was silent before, seemed even more silent now that Jesse had seemingly snapped.
After a few moments Seth spoke up.
"Well...I had some other points but I don’t think I need to really talk about them now," he said, obviously satisfied that it looked like he’d be the winner of the campaign even easier and more assuredly than he thought.
"You’re just going to let my good name be dragged through the mud?" Jesse asked Dr. Walker.
"A little competition should prove to be healthy for you," Dr. Walker replied. "If nothing else it gives everyone the opportunity to decide for themselves who has the center’s best interest t heart."
Jesse felt completely stumped. He knew that he was going to have trouble winning but it seemed like Seth had already won just from the amount of support he had. Winning now seemed impossible and he didn’t like to lose at things.
"Come on David," Jesse spoke. "Let’s go take down those smear posters before someone gets around to drawing pencil mustaches on my delicate face."
* * *
Trey hadn’t expected things to go so well with his dropping out of the show he signed a contract to star in and had already filmed several scenes for but he at least expected not to catch any flak from his friends for doing so.
Realizing how he’d behaved at lunch, he’d attempted to apologize to Grace and Zoey but both of them were refusing to speak to him. He didn’t know why it surprised him. He was being a dick to everybody and didn’t really care. The only reason he apologized was because he had to break the news that the show was off and that apparently was just not something either of them wanted to hear which was strange considering the fact that none of them were actually stars of the show.
All it took was a shun from the right people and time alone to wallow in the shit factor that was his life to take him right back to that depressing place he’d gravitated in and out of since early last week.
As it was he was sitting alone in his room. He’d mostly been doing some thinking, meaning to get up and do some homework as well. The last thing he wanted was to become some poor student with no goals. He wasn’t that depressed.
He felt strange. There was a lot wrong in his life and he had a lot to be sad about. But he also had a lot to be angry about. His boyfriend basically called him a trainwreck of a person who couldn’t stand to be in a relationship. His roommate was going around telling everyone he could find about it. And his friends weren’t speaking to him primarily because they were no longer going to be on tv.
He wasn’t sure if grief or anger should be his primary emotion. And being unsure had left him thinking blankly about everything and nothing as the hours faded until it was dark outside and he was too dazed to notice.
It was the light coming on in the room and the blinds automatically letting themselves down that alerted Trey to the world he had abandoned for his thoughts and noticing the reason for these events.
Shawn had made his way into the room, obviously surprised to see Trey sitting alone in the dark.
"What are you doing?" he asked, hoping Trey wouldn’t lash out at him.
Trey seemed to think about his response for a moment but he came up with an answer.
"I think I was trying to figure out where to go from here," he replied, knowing he was speaking to Shawn but not really caring as he felt like telling someone. "I spent so much of my life alone up until this past year and now it’s happening all over again."
Shawn set his backpack on his bed and pulled off his jacket.
"Come on, Trey, you’re not alone," he said. "I mean you have Grace and Zoey and-"
"No I don’t," Trey interrupted. "I have no one and I have nothing. I’m back to where I started before this whole mess of a life I created for myself this year only I’m not because I have even less than I did then."
Shawn could tell that Trey was really in a dark place and wanted to do everything he could to help Trey. Even though he’d gotten over the notion of them ever being a couple he’d definitely still wanted to be there for Trey in any way that he could.
"You....wanna talk about it?" he thought he’d try.
Trey, who hadn’t been looking at Shawn before looked over at him, feeling angry.
"Why, so you can go and tell your boyfriend about it so he can blab about it to all my ex friends?" Trey asked.
"Trey, I didn’t Collin about Noah leaving you. You just assumed-"
"What that some guy we don’t know suddenly a part of our lives is cool? Like that’s something I want to see in my face every time I turn around?"
Shawn sighed, pacing himself. The last thing he wanted to do was get into an argument with Trey.
"Trey, he’s my boyfriend," Shawn replied. "I get that it’s new and it’s weird right now but it’s new and it’s weird for him too. I mean, he’s a junior with his own set of friends and his own life putting that all aside to try to understand me and my life."
Trey wanted to yell at Shawn but he realized that he’d be yelling at Shawn about nothing and besides that he didn’t really want to fight. Not with Shawn anyway. His friends weren’t talking to him. His boyfriend called to check in with everyone but him. At least Shawn was speaking to him.
"He’s a junior?" Trey asked, inquisitively.
Surprised that Trey was willing to talk about Collin, Shawn was a bit taken a back but a moment later he recovered.
"Yeah," he replied, with a slight smile. "A really stubborn one too, a lot of the time. Kind of reminds me of you."
"Really?" Trey asked.
"Yeah. But I mean it’s not all bad. I like him and he understands me so it works," Shawn replied.
"How did it happen? I mean, how did you guys..."
"Well we went out for coffee one night and realized that as much as we hated each other, we had a lot in common," Shawn replied. "We’re good for each other, I think. We’re like what the other is missing in our lives for each other. Or something. I don’t know. He makes me happy."
Despite the fact that the idea of Shawn with Collin made him sick, knowing that Shawn was happy made him happy. And as long as he stopped at that, he could remain happy. If he started to think about why he was happy then he’d be upset and he didn’t want to be upset.
"How are you gonna deal with your mom?" Shawn asked, deciding to switch subjects.
Trey sighed and fell back on top of his bed, kicking his things to the ground. Shawn got up and lay beside Trey, both of them staring up at the ceiling.
"I keep thinking that she’s gonna call me and tell me she loves me and that she’s sorry for what she said," Trey replied. "I keep thinking a lot of things are gonna happen but then I remember who I am and how much misery loves to follow me around."
"Come on Trey. Don’t think like that," Shawn said. "Think about what it’s gonna take to make all of the bad shit in your life right now go away. As long as you think positively, you can work positively."
"Your boyfriend teach you that?"
"Yes actually," Shawn chuckled. "But seriously, it works. Why do you think I’m not all angsty and broody anymore?"
Trey thought about Shawn’s words. What he knew was that there were 3 big things wrong in his life. His mother disowning him. His boyfriend leaving him. And his friends not speaking to him. All very not-positive things. He couldn’t even grasp the amount of energy it was going to take on his behalf to not think badly about those things but from what Shawn was telling him, he was going to have to if he wanted to fix them.
He just wasn’t sure which one would be the easiest to fix. They were all really big, intimidating problems for him to deal with.
"It’s gonna be okay you know." Shawn stated. "I know everything seems like shit right now but give it some time. Even if what you want to happen doesn’t happen, you’ll figure out a way to make the best of everything. Life is gonna go on either way."
Trey wasn’t sure why but in that moment, laying next to Shawn looking up at nothing feeling relaxed and mellowed as they spoke, he felt like everything actually would be okay. As if nothing else mattered but moments like that. Moments that he wish he got to experience more of instead of the constant drama that was his life. It was then that he knew he needed to make a decision. He needed to start doing what it would take to make his life less of a cartoon and more of something worth living for.
"This is good right?" Trey asked.
"It’s not bad," Shawn replied.
Trey turned his head so that he was looking at Shawn.
"I’m seeing faces in your ceiling," Shawn chuckled. "I think THAT’S bad."
Shawn turned to face Trey.
"He’s coming back right? I mean, he didn’t run away from me because I really am unfixable."
"I don’t know, Trey. But if he is coming back, don’t let him see you worse than before because he left to begin with. He thinks you’re damaged, show him he’s wrong. You’re not unfixable, Trey. Fix all the bad so you can embrace the positive."
"Embrace the positive?"
"Exactly."
Shawn was putting Trey at so much ease and Shawn was feeling so comfortable with Trey that he completely forgot all about his impending date with Collin. At the moment he was perfectly content with staring into Trey’s deep brown eyes. It was something that he’d missed having spent so much time apart from him. Now he was just trying to take it all in. Mostly it was just nice. It felt really right and exactly like what he should be doing. Like nothing about it was wrong at all.
Those thoughts caused him to be lost in Trey’s eyes until a knock at the door rudely interrupted them.
"No one’s speaking to me so my guess is it’s for you," Trey replied.
Shawn, a little annoyed, sat up, rubbing his hair as he opened the door.
"So the place is set and the mood is in waiting and...you’re definitely not ready," Collin said as Shawn flashed him a confused glance.
"For?" he asked.
"Our date? The one that was your idea as a way to supposedly get my mind off of your problems," Collin replied. "You forgot"
"No...no..uh," Shawn started as he let Collin into the room. "Just catching up with my roommate."
Collin looked over at Trey.
"Hi again," Collin replied.
"Hi," Trey replied. "And I’m sorry about earlier. I kind of have a lot going on right now and was looking for someone to take it out on."
"Really?" Collin asked a bit skeptically.
"Yes, he’s embracing the positive now," Shawn replied.
"Sounds oddly familiar," Collin grinned knowing where exactly Shawn had gotten the phrase from.
Shawn, still a little hesitant to have Collin around Trey in his current state, he did his best to get ready and grab his things as quickly as he possibly could to get them away from each other.
"You know, I don’t really know you or anything about you but as Shawn here would probably tell you, I like to come up with conclusions about people anyway," Collin started.
"You mean judging people?"
"We don’t call it that in psychology," Collin replied. "But what I was going to say is that sometimes the best thing to do when you feel like the world and everyone and everything in it are against you is to just take a step back and just let it happen, you know? Just let all the bad pass and...embrace the positive."
"So I’m supposed to just let all of this stuff somehow work itself out?" Trey asked incredulously.
"It always does," Collin replied. "My one piece of free advice of the day for you."
"Is it free because it sucks?" Trey asked, hostility in his voice.
"Okay, so we should go," Shawn spoke up, hoping to break up a potential argument between Collin and Trey. "We don’t wanna be late."
"Yeah and have them give our table away," Collin said. "That place is extremely difficult to get reservations for."
"And you did it all in a day and that’s why I put up with you," Shawn spoke, kissing Collin while Trey watched who did everything in his power to keep from throwing up right then and there.
"Hey-"
"Ah, we’re embracing the positive, remember?" Shawn spoke as Collin helped him put on his jacket.
"Right," Collin replied as they headed for the door.
"Oh and Trey, try not to sit here in the dark thinking about all your problems," Shawn said. "It’s just gonna bum you out more."
Trey offered Shawn a smile which was returned before both Shawn and Collin left Trey alone. He thought about staying where he was and dwelling on his problems. It was after all entirely too easy for him to do as he’d become used to doing it. But then he thought about Shawn’s words and embracing the positive.
If he wanted things in his life back in order he’d have to make them happen. There was nothing wrong with going out on his own and attempting to fix his own problems instead of waiting for them to fix themselves on their own. And why not start with tackling the easiest of all their problems, his friends?
* * *
"You think perhaps maybe he’s killed a stripper or two in his drunken haze induced heyday?" Jesse asked, pacing about in his room.
"Everybody here is in rehab because they took drugs and did something they’d go to jail for if they left," David replied. "I don’t think shock tactics are gonna work."
"Tell that to my competitor," Jesse replied. "Honestly, he has these people treating him like the face of God or something. It’s like how all the gays treat Madonna."
David sighed as Jesse continued to pace around.
"You know you could try talking to them about my clone theory," David replied. "That-"
"I’ll tell you one last time, David, clones do not now nor will they ever exist in your lifetime or probably ever for that matter."
"Fine," David sighed, upset. "It’s what I would say to win."
"Yes and have people questioning whether or not you’re in the right kind of treatment center," Jesse replied. "No we have to get on Seth’s level and think dirty. What about planting drugs and having him caught with them?"
"Where are we gonna get drugs in rehab?"
"Where do Hollywood’s whores and starlets get drugs when they’re in rehab?
David stared at Jesse staring at him before realizing that Jesse had actually been asking what he probably thought was a legitimate question.
"I don’t know!" David replied.
"God, honestly David, if I had known making you my campaign manager would have next to no effect on ANYTHING I’d have just made myself my own campaign manager for the same result."
"You may not have noticed because your heads stuck too far up your ass, Jesse, but people around here just don’t like you and probably nothing I could do would help them suddenly decide to like you more than anyone else."
Jesse, who was far from one to become easily insulted decided he needed to think differently if he was ever going to get anywhere.
"You’re absolutely right," he said.
David, relieved that Jesse wasn’t upset, relaxed a bit.
"I am?" he asked, surprised.
"Hit me."
David, who wasn’t sure he’d heard Jesse correctly just stared at him, hoping that he’d repeat what he’d said.
Jesse rushed over to David and pulled him out of his seat, taking a step back.
"Okay, I want you to hit me as hard as you can," he replied.
"What? Why?"
"Because you’re right. People don’t like me because they probably feel like they can’t relate to me."
"No, actually I don’t think that’s it at-"
"Most of the people here come from troubled, unadorned pasts. And here I am this vastly superior and rich alpha male from a different country with a different set of morals and beliefs all together. They need to see that of the two rich bastards, I’m the one they should vote for and how are they going to vote for someone they can’t relate to?"
"How would hitting you make things any different than before?"
"Because David, it gets me in the sympathy door. Once people realize that their high and mighty leader Seth has a violent, violent past they’ll be less likely to vote for him and more willing to place their support behind the guy with the fat lip and broken ribs."
"You want me to break your rib?!" David asked, aghast.
"It was an analogy," Jesse replied. "I just need you to rough me up a bit, make it look like I’ve been to hell and back."
"And then you’re gonna blame Seth for what you want ME to do to you?"
"No," Seth replied. "I’m going to blame Seth for what HE’S going to do to me. Just hit me!"
Jesse started towards David, who afraid, stepped backwards.
"Jesse, come on this is crazy!"
"You think aliens are going to be the political leaders of the entire world by the year 2025-"
"Only because research shows that life is deteriorating on planets the universe wide and-"
"Yes, yes, now more about me. Look if you’re worried about ruining my beautiful face, don’t. There’s still 3 weeks left of rehab and I’ll be plenty healed by the time anyone significant see’s me again."
"Jesse, I can’t just hit you-"
"Fine then I’ll hit you!"
Jesse took a swing at David, which David dodged entirely as the door to the room opened and the punch meant for David connected with Seth’s face.
Seth recovered, rubbing his face.
"What the hell!"
"Blame yourself for stealing David’s punch," Jesse spoke before returning his attention to David once again. "Which by the way I still owe you. Come here."
"Leave him alone!" Seth shouted, rushing into Jesse and knocking him to the ground. Jesse’s hit head the side of his bed, a loud thud ringing through the room and his head.
"Ouch!" Jesse called out.
"Sorry, I-"
"You hit me!" Jesse shouted.
"YOU hit ME! Besides, mine was an accident." Seth said.
"Fine. Well mine WON’T be!"
Jesse flipped Seth over so that he was on top of him. He was going to punch him but stopped when David appeared next to him.
"Guys, no! We’re friends!"
"Not today!" Jesse shouted before Seth pushed him from off top and stood up, shoving Jesse backwards. Jesse returned the shove.
Seth stared aghast at Jesse before starting towards him and swinging with all his might, a throw that Jesse easily dodged and one that unfortunately connected with David’s face.
Once Seth and Jesse realized that David had been hit, they both stopped.
"Little D, man, I’m really....really sorry-"
"Save it," David said. "You two crazies are on your own. It figures the one time in my life I actually need some drugs I’d be in the one place where I’m not gonna get them. Excuse me while I go look for a bag of frozen vegetables instead."
Seth and Jesse watched as David headed off to tend to his accidental wound leaving the two of them together.
"You’re stupid," Seth mumbled a moment later.
"I’m stupid? You hit David."
"You hit me."
Jesse and Seth, both panting from the energy expended in their fight, just stood starting at each other for a few brief moments before ultimately looking away with embarrassment.
"Well what now?" Jesse asked.
"I don’t know."
Neither one of them knew how to address the situation and each decided it probably would be best not to address it at all.
"I’m gonna go work on my campaign speech," Seth spoke, somewhat awkwardly.
"Yes, I as well," Jesse spoke.
Both boys attempted to move ahead before stopping and going around the other, Seth leaving and Jesse taking a seat on his bed, having no clue what to do next.
* * *
"Oh,"
Trey stared back at Josh staring at him. He wasn’t quite sure what he meant by the ‘oh’ but wasn’t really in the mood to deal with someone else being upset with him especially if it wasn’t warranted.
"Is she here?" he asked, a hopeful smile on his face.
"Yeah...." Josh replied, sounding like he wasn’t really sure whether or not he intended to let Trey in. "What’d you do?"
"Do? I..."
"She’s...pissed off," Josh replied. "And even though you didn’t warn me about that pretend-to-be-straight white boy joining the football team for the show I figured I could warn you about Grace. So, again, she’s pissed off."
"Thanks," Trey replied. "Can I come in?"
Josh looked back into the room that Trey couldn’t see into before looking back at Trey and sighing. He looked down for a moment before looking back at Trey and announcing that he was leaving.
"Good luck," he mumbled before heading down the hallway.
Grace was at the door a moment later.
"Josh, boy where you.....oh," she said.
"Is everybody saying that today?" Trey asked as Grace turned her back to Trey and entered her room, Trey following.
"I’m mad at you," Grace spoke, plopping down on one of her roommates fluffy purple pillow chairs. "Yo ass called me a bitch, bitch."
"I know and I’m sorry," Trey replied. "I know there isn’t really a good kind of excuse to get me out of this so I won’t try to make one. I’ll just apologize, assure you it’s not happening again, and hope you forgive me. Because you know you want to and you should embrace the positive."
"What?" Grace asked.
"I’m trying to clean up my life. For Noah," Trey replied. "He left me because he thinks that I’m too damaged to hold together my own life let alone a relationship. I want to have everything perfect so when he comes back I can show him he was wrong."
Trey noticed the look on Grace’s face, his smile fading as she looked away from him.
"What?" he asked.
She stood up and walked over to her dresser, nonchalantly messing with various things atop it.
"Grace..."
Grace stopped, before turning around to face Trey.
"I don’t think you should get your hopes up, Trey," she replied.
Trey stared at her, almost afraid to ask her why but knew that he had to.
"What happened?"
"Noah called us today," Grace replied.
"Us?"
"Me and Zoey. Even Sierra, Dylan and Jesse."
"He did?" Trey asked, looking hopeful. "Did he say anything about me?"
Grace really felt uncomfortable. She moved away from Trey and sat on her bed.
"He’s coming back. In a month. Maybe you should just try to focus on that-"
"Grace!"
Grace sighed.
"We asked him, me and Zoey, about what happened. We asked him if he wanted to talk to you. We begged him to talk to you. But...."
Trey could tell what the answer to the pleas had been from the look on Grace’s face.
"He doesn’t want to talk to me," he spelled out from himself.
He sat down, almost unconsciously beside Grace, just staring across the room.
"I can see where Noah’s coming from. I mean when you love someone, you want from the bottom of your heart for them to love you back no matter what. And ya’ll just seem made for each other."
"Yeah, thanks," Trey spoke, working to keep back the tears that were forming.
"I wasn’t finished boy," Grace replied. "He ran away. No matter what he tells all of us about internships and opportunities, at the end of the day, his ass ran away from you. He calls you damaged and unfixable and then runs away and tells people he doesn’t want to talk to you so he doesn’t have to deal with what he said. That shit ain’t cool, Trey."
"But-"
"No but’s, Trey. You’re my best friend, okay? I care about you and Noah but I’m always gonna side with you. You’re like my brother and family sticks with each other. So I’m gonna be here for you with this and I’ll be here for you when you tell MTV you’re not doing their show anymore."
Trey was happy that he had Grace’s support but couldn’t take his mind off the fact that Noah was refusing to speak to him. Was he really that damaged and unwanted that he made the guys interested in him run away to other countries or hook up with other guys altogether?
"Come on," Grace said. "I think you have a call to make right?"
* * *
Jesse was pretty sure that he had lost the campaign battle.
From the very beginning the odds had been stacked heavily against him. Dr. Walker despised him. His fellow rehab mates despised him. And he’d even managed to cause David to follow in their footsteps and despise him as well, which left him pretty much no chance whatsoever of winning.
That and the fact that he’d skipped the election debate entirely in favor of taking some time alone to clear his head. Fortunately for him the promise of money for a certain security guard once he was out had been enough to allow him precious time alone in the back zen garden that was to be used only in one on one sessions with Dr. Walker.
It really was a very enchanting place. Even though it was inside of the rehab center, the garden looked like some kind of wonderful outdoor oasis, complete with rock and sand gardens, a Japanese koi pond, and private mediation chamber made completely from satin and mattress. It was the kind of thing Jesse was used to in the spas back home.
He’d been alone for over an hour, mostly just reflecting while half expecting to hear cheering at any moment as Dr. Walker declared Seth the new president of rehab folk and ruler of the world. Having been so lost in his thoughts he figured it was about time to rejoin the rest of the rehab society before they noticed that he was missing and decided to slowly exit the gardens, only to come about what sounded like two females arguing in the front lobby.
Deciding that he wasn’t interested in finding out the outcome of either poor situation of the moment, he’d decided to retreat to his room instead, avoiding the argument.
That was the plan until he heard what sounded like a slap followed by a screech and never being one to pass up a nice girl fight and opportunity to call in a ring and gallons of jello.
"You really did NOT just slap me!"
"Oh please," Amber spoke, adjusting the strap of her purse on her shoulder. "Don’t act like it’s the first time it’s happened to you."
"And you really think slapping me is going to get me to reveal to you whether or not the patient you asked about is really here?"
"So he IS here? Where is he bitch? Don’t make me mace you. My friend’s dad is head of the FBI. I’ll get out of it, don’t think I won’t."
"Okay, even though I really hate to interrupt up this hot girl on girl arguing, unless clothes begin removing themselves from your perfectly toned and tanned bodies, I’m going to have to recommend you take the shouting match outdoors. Perhaps some of us are trying to sleep."
"You’re not being bitter about losing the election are you?" the receptionist asked.
"What? It’s over? What have you heard?"
Amber looked over at Jesse.
"Election?
"Yes, Barbie, as in Republican’s, Democrats, speeches and voting. You’ve heard of them right?"
"Ah, yeah. I have, wicked bitch of the west," Amber replied in a snooty tone. "Although I’ve always wondered what a Republican is. I mean, what do they do exactly?"
"Come on, then," Jesse spoke, pulling Amber off. "I’m from a country ruled by kings and queens and even I know the answer to that question."
Jesse just silently pulled Amber along until he had led her back into the gardens area. Amber had just started to look around when Jesse appeared in her face, surprising her.
"Ah!"
"WHAT are YOU doing here?" he asked.
Amber frowned before setting her purse on the ground and taking a seat on the mini bench behind her.
"Well it occurred to me that you weren’t a very nice person before rehab and I wanted to make sure these people weren’t making things worse," she replied. "There’s only a certain level of hate I can dish and take. Give and take...dish? No I think give is right."
Jesse sighed and took a seat next to her.
"Could you not tell from the amount of reading between the lines I inserted into my weekly letters home?"
"You don’t call, you don’t write...oh wait, you do write. Well still, for all I know someone else could’ve been writing those letters home. I wanted to see if you were still alive."
"And here I am, just as trapped now as I was a month ago," Jesse sighed.
Amber looked Jesse over for a moment before feeling like there was something she needed to get to the bottom of.
"Why did you take all those pills Jesse?" she asked. "I mean, I know you act like you hate everyone and everything but you really don’t. Right?"
Jesse sighed, not looking at Amber.
He knew what his reasons were for taking those pills. Or at least he felt like he knew what those reasons were but he didn’t really want to talk about them and with Amber of all people.
"Why does anyone do the things they involve themselves with? The mysteries of the universe will forever seek to amaze," Jesse replied.
Amber decided not to push any further.
"You know, I was actually worried about you," she said.
"Really?" Jesse asked skeptically. "Because somehow I doubt that very much."
"I don’t blame you," Amber sighed. "I haven’t been a good friend to you. Or a friend at all really. I mean, you had nowhere to go and I kicked you out on the street. I picked your evil older brother over you when he was trying to ruin your life. You went off to go clear your head and get some air and I slapped you. All these things....I should’ve seen the signs."
"What signs, Amber? There were no signs. I’m just a bloke that took a bunch of pills and like an idiot did a bunch of things that would shock even Lindsay Lohan’s parents. There is no reading more into that."
"Of course there is, Jesse," Amber said. "You obviously need friends. Everyone needs friends and people who don’t have any do all kinds of things people with friends would probably think is crazy. So I have a suggestion to make."
"What?"
"How about you start with me? I’m not saying we have to talk about what guys I find hot are what tabloid magazine your dad is buying next. I just think having at least one person on your side will be the best thing for you to have once you get out of this...really interesting place."
"Rehab, you mean," Jesse clarified.
"I knew it wasn’t a hospital," Amber spoke. "Explains why we’re outside indoors. What is this place anyway?"
"It’s a meditation spa," Jesse replied. "I was in the process of clearing my head before you decided to have a war of words with our receptionist."
"Who’s an ultra bitch by the way. But I forgot all about that in here. It’s just such a...nice place. Makes me feel comfortable with you."
Jesse looked over at Amber.
Before she’d spoken the words, he’d actually been thinking the same thing. He’d always had this protection sort of sense when it came to Amber. There were many, many times when he couldn’t stand her but he’d never hated her. The only thing he hated was the idea of falling in love with her because he just did not want to fall in love. It was probably the reason why he tried his best not to get emotionally involved with her, let alone anyone. But here she was, now, alone with him in a room that no one would be using anytime soon.
"Is this a bad thing right now?" Jesse asked, not really sure of himself.
"It doesn’t feel like it," Amber replied.
Jesse stared into Amber’s eyes before leaning in at the same time she leaned in, their lips connecting a moment later. Jesse had surprised himself by not pulling away from the kiss and was surprised when Amber didn’t pull away as well. Feeling like it was something they both wanted, things continued as Jesse began feeling across Amber’s back and running his hands through his hair. If this was something that was going to happen, then he was at least going to enjoy it.
* * *
"Well at least now yo ass ain’t gotta worry about people all over the world wondering whether or not you got a boyfriend or not," Grace said.
She, Trey, Zoey, and Shawn were all relaxing in the common area of the dorm hall just trying to get back some semblance of normalcy in their lives after all the chaos of late. Deciding to take Shawn up on his embracing the positive offer, Trey managed to make things right with his friends, getting them to understand his reasoning for wanting to back out of the show.
"Yeah well I don’t really care about what the world thinks of me," Zoey replied. "And I mean, you guys don’t think....I mean, you guys know I’m not..."
"Oh yeah, of course, sure," Shawn, Grace and Trey all spoke simultaneously.
"Good. That’s all I was worried about," Zoey replied.
"And I’m just glad you’re not gonna let it ruin your life," Shawn said. "I mean it should have been up to you to decide when to tell your mom about your sexuality and that show was probably just gonna exploit that about you."
Trey knew that they were going to exploit him. He’d known that all along. He was after all dealing with MTV. He’d let himself become wrapped up in emotions. Emotions that led him to make some incredibly stupid decisions that ultimately led to his inability to tell his boyfriend that he loved him, have his mother find out he was gay, among other things. He was ultimately happy to be done with the show and was happy that Freddy had decided not to make things difficult for him in regards of getting out of it.
"Now we get to go back to being the normal college students were never were," Shawn said. "I wonder what tomorrows drama story of the week will be."
"Nope," Trey said with a smile. "We’re embracing the positive. There won’t be any more drama."
"I’m with Trey," Grace added. "I like the idea of a boring life. Boring is less stressful."
"Don’t I know it," Zoey sighed.
"There he is!" Trey heard someone say all of a sudden.
He’d been slouched over one of the couches before but sat up when he heard the words, along with everyone else looking around. It didn’t take him long to notice not only who had spoken the words but who was with them as well.
"I hear we have you to blame for our show getting kicked down the crapper before it even started," Brooke spoke.
"What?" Trey asked.
"MTV called and told us that they weren’t happy with the progress of the show and have decided to do another season of Super Rich Brats or something instead," Dustin added.
Trey stood up along with everyone else as he looked over the faces of his former cast mates.
"Guys, I’m sorry. I didn’t think me not doing the show would kill it," he said.
"Yeah well it did," Brooke replied. "And this time, I’m pissed."
"This time?" Grace asked.
"Guys...come on," Trey replied. "You’re all actors. You’ll find something else."
"I have to go home and live with my parents again," Gina said, sounding like a lost little child. "I’m afraid of them after what happened the last time I was there."
Trey felt like he was the town thief up on a stand about to be pelted to death. There were 6 of them and only one of him and they were all most definitely upset.
"You know if you didn’t want mommy finding out you were gay before you signed up for this thing then you should have just left it to the people who know what they’re doing," Brooke said.
"Like you and yo little hooker ass self?" Grace asked.
"Grace-"
"No, Trey. I told you, I got you," Grace said. "And these wannabe losers ain’t about to talk about you like that to your face right in front of me. I don’t think so."
"Hooker? I’m sorry have we not looked into our makeup mirrors lately? Coco Chanel would so want to make you her poster child for the fashion impaired if she were alive right now."
Trey looked over at Dustin who seemed to look extremely peeved.
"I’m sorry man," he spoke, with the utmost sincerity.
"You’re 18 right?" Dustin asked.
"Yeah. Why?" Trey asked.
"Because it means I don’t have to worry about kicking your ass-"
"Hey, back off!" Shawn growled, getting in between Dustin and Trey.
"Look, I’m sorry. I really am. I wish there was something I could do for you all to make it better but I can’t. I just have to do what’s best for me."
"Yeah, well MTV may not wanna sue you for ruining their plans but that won’t stop me," Brooke growled. "See you in court."
Trey watched as Brooke, Gina, Dustin and the rest of his ex cast mates all made their way out of the common area, leaving Trey feeling a bunch of emotions in that moment.
"Well, that was certainly interesting," Zoey said. "Now I’m really glad we didn’t get involved with all that."
"You okay?" Shawn asked, looking Trey over.
"Yeah," Trey replied, sitting down even though he did feel just a bit frazzled still.
"See, I told you. Your friends have your back," Grace said.
And that was something that Trey had come to realize was more true now than ever before. He had a lot of problems to get through but at the end of the day he knew he’d never have to worry about losing them all being one of them.