I sensed something was wrong when I went into his room that day. And as usual, I was right. "I can't see you anymore," he said.

"But why?", I asked. I could feel the color coming to my face. "What did I do? What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong. I just can't see you anymore. Is that good enough for you?" And just like that, it was over.

Then I woke up, covered with sweat and shaking. Damn! That was one of the worse dreams ever!

Well, you can't turn it off just like that. Or at least, I couldn't. It took me awhile to convince myself that the day before had even happened. And then came the hard part, convincing myself that it would ever happen again. I wonder how many other people that's happened to? If for as long as you can remember, you think you're really not worth very much, how long does it take to convince yourself otherwise?

Don't know, really. Guess it just depends on the individual. But me? It took almost forever to even get up the courage to call his house. First, I had to think up a good reason to call in the first place. I was sitting there staring at the phone trying to figure out what I was going to say. And for that matter, who was I going to say it to. His mom was going to answer, I just knew it!

"Hel- hello Miss Tyler is ummm ... is Constantin in?" Well, of course he is, you dumb ass. He already said he'll be going back Monday, and today's Friday. "Oh, he's asleep? Well, could you tell him I called?"

No, I don't think that would be a good idea. I'd probably sound like some lovesick girl. Definitely not good. So maybe I just won't call then. ... But I really want to. I want to hear his voice. I want him to be cheerful and glad I called. I want him to ask if I'm going to come by this afternoon, "You're coming by aren't you? Say you are, all right?" I imagine he'd say that in a low voice so nobody could overhear him, and right then I'd know that everything was okay and I could breath again, I could face the day... so think of SOMETHING, damn it ... (!!!) Homework assignments! Yeah, that'll work...

So finally I was about to pick up the phone when it rang shrilly and I almost jumped out of my skin. I picked it up cautiously. Surely it couldn't be... but it was.

"Hey Todd," he said, "You by yourself?" and when I said yeah, (almost everybody in our town worked out-of-town) he went, "So you think you could come over? You can get something to eat here if you haven't already. You want to?"

I'd just as soon stop having those damn dreams, but I don't know, as long as they're going to turn out like that, maybe it's not so bad. I was going to be cool and just casually walk on over to his place, but I ended up running the whole way. And I thought he looked awfully cute sitting in the living room watching TV in his jockey shorts with that cast on his leg. Even if he was only half-hard. His shorts were a bit worn, so they were kind of loose. He had a medium sized tear under his waistband on the left side. Sexy!

"Shit," I thought to myself, "If I didn't have to be at school pretty soon, I wouldn't mind sitting here just looking at him." Really, I wouldn't have. That used to be my greatest joy in life, getting an occasional peek up some good-looking boy's gym shorts or whatever. "Oh WOW! His BALLS were hanging out! Both of them!"... and being able to look as much as I wanted to, yeah, I could get off on that, no problem.

But he was engrossed in Star Trek right then. Even though he seemed to be getting a full blown erection. I loved watching it tent up like that. But he didn't seem to be paying it any mind at all. Only I didn't have very much time, "so soon as there's a commercial," I thought, "I'll ask him if he wants a quick blow job. Yeah! Then soon as I get to school, I'll duck in the restroom and it shouldn't take but about five strokes!"

And then a commercial came on. Re-runs always have lots of them. "Hey Todd," he said without looking up, (as he was doing some quick channel surfing with the remote), "You used your unexcused absence this semester?"

(Once in high school, we were allowed one unexcused absence per semester, no questions asked. Just one. But I hadn't used mine. I never even thought about it, because actually, I was sort of liking school for a change.) But I guessed I could make an exception that day.

So I said okay. "Cool," he said, "Soon as this is over, we'll talk some more. And take our time. `Cause we don't want to fry your circuits out all at once. That okay?"

"Guess so," I said, as cool as I could manage, "You care if I get a little more comfortable?"

"Just don't get totally naked yet, that's all I ask." I was wearing my nice boxers that day. But when I pulled my jeans off, my dick was poking out. I said, "Oops."

"Don't bother me any if it don't bother you. Makes you look sexy!" You know what? I'm thinking about having my birthday changed to October 6th & 7th. I guess the 6th would be the most appropriate if I'm only allowed one day, but it was Friday the 7th that I really really started learning things. All sorts of things. Including quite a bit about his dick.

Well, soon as Star Trek was over, I figured it was time to go down on him. I loved working that thing. Of course he could've just had a regular U.S. circumcised model and I still would've liked it - seeing as how it belonged to him - but I was fascinated by his nozzle. I liked the way it felt when I pulled down on it, kind of loose and often a bit squishy. The smell was different. Even though my experience was still fairly limited in this area, his smell seemed to be a bit stronger. It was just different, that's all. And his glans looked shiny and pinker than the weather beaten Judeo-Christian ones. I could almost tell that it was more sensitive. But anyway, that morning I guessed I would do it like I thought I was supposed to, so I skinned his foreskin down and went to it. Only guess what? He was sensitive there. A bit too much. He said you had to be careful with it. Which is really weird. I'd gone down on him twice the day before, and I don't know, I just liked the way it felt when I sucked that bulb right out of it's skin (you can't do that with the U.S. Model), but as it turned out, that was the best of way of doing it. And I also liked sliding his foreskin down. I just liked the way it felt. Only again, would you believe it, that was the best way.

But yeah, soon as I attacked his bulb that morning, he yelped. And it didn't sound like a happy yelp either. But thankfully he understood and I liked doing the right way best anyway. So in the end it worked out beautifully. Constantin said it wasn't even the first time that had ever happened to him, the first time Isac went down on him, it felt like he'd just about killed the muther. But then Isac's Jewish, so that was his first experience with an uncircumcised model. (Well, okay, I didn't know that for a fact, but as it turned out, it was.)

"Well, what about Tyndal? First time he went down on you, did he do it wrong?" (I asked him that after we'd finished with each other. We had all day, but neither one of us wanted to blow our out circuits too soon, so talking was good.)

"Nope. He knew exactly how to do it. You remember Jaromir? Tyndal learned all about it from him. That's when he really got started. (Jaromir was an exchange student and Tyndal's family hosted him when Tyndal was in the 7th grade. I sure wish he could've stayed a little longer.)

"REALLY got started. So you know when he sort of got started? ... I mean, I'm just trying to get some background information, that's all, so-"

"Until you're about to get initiated into the club, you can't let on to Tyndal that you know anything about this, okay? Not to him, or to the twins or Isac. Right before you're about to be in our club, I'll just tell them that I've got a new recruit is all. You'll be the second. Isac was the first, see. We're always looking for recruits. Just like they say we are, know what I mean? Just as long as they're not damn ugly or swishy or anything. But until I tell them, you can't let on, okay?"

"So how long is that going to be, then?" (Actually hearing that my initiation wasn't to be right away came as some relief on one hand, but then on the other... well, when WAS it going to be?)

"Soon as I'm back on my feet. Which ought to be in about a month. It was a clean break. So it ought to heal pretty fast. And don't worry, until then we'll be doing stuff, about as often as we can manage it, okay? `Cause you know what? When we were in the 5th grade and I talked you into showing me your peter? I liked you then. I didn't know anything about being gay and all, I just knew I liked you. But I guess you were shy, huh?"

"Damn! .... Shit, I liked you from the time I was in the second grade! Son of a bitch."

"So better late than never, I guess."

So I giggled (as another one of my circuits blew), "Yeah, I guess..." (I mean damn!!!)... (it) (but shit, I still had then)... (So fuck it.)... (See, what I had was a heady mixture of sadness and light-headedness)... (which I'm sure you can understand, but...) Where was I?

I took a deep breath. "Okay, I promise I'll just keep acting like a nerd, then."

"But not TOO nerdy," he interjected.

"Okay. But since it sounds like Tyndal Williams got this club started, how did he start? You know?"

"Yeah, he told me one time. It sort of happened when he was ten. You know his old man is some kind of CEO in Indianapolis, right? And they didn't move here until Tyndal was in the 6th grade, right? Well, they moved here from Indianapolis. Because Tyndal had this best friend. Up in Indianapolis. Steve something or other. Well, one day Steve came up with the idea of them being blood brothers. Only he didn't think too much of the idea of cutting himself, or maybe Tyndal didn't, I don't know, but anyway Steve said they could do something nobody else in the whole wide world could ever know about. And I betcha guessed what. Uh huh, kiss each other's peters. So they did. But maybe Steve needed constant reassurance or something, so it wasn't long until him and Tyndal were opening and closing their meetings like that and it wasn't much longer until they were doing more than just kissing them. Then one day Steve wanted to do it for ten minutes straight. But after a minute or so, Tyndal called time out `cause he didn't think it was a good idea because he was about to pee. But Steve told him he wouldn't, and you know what? He didn't. So they started opening and closing their secret meetings with that. But then one day Steve's mom showed up real unexpected like. They never even heard her until she opened the door and then just about the whole damn neighborhood heard. I mean, she wanted Tyndal's butt put in juvenile! That's what she told Tyndal's mom. Well, Tyndal's mom about had a nervous breakdown, but at least she talked Steve's mom out of calling the police. And after awhile Tyndal's very first psychiatrist was able to convince his mom he was only going through a common childhood phase and everybody was over-reacting. Which I guess they were, but anyway, that's why they moved down here."

"Damn!" I said. And I thought about it, then I wondered, "So you think maybe his parents suspect anything now?"

Constantin shrugged. "Who knows? Maybe they can accept it, who knows? But I don't think they do. Know about it. I mean, he's president of this and treasurer of that and on the JV team and steady with Melissa, so I guess they think all that other stuff is history and they don't worry about it. And anyway, it's not like his folks are around all that much anyway, not really. So maybe they don't give a shit one way or the other."

"You think Tyndal making it with Melissa?"

"Screwing? Doubt it. Melissa wants to save it for marriage. Tyndal said he ain't even got to feel her tits yet. ... But he also said he doesn't really care if he does or not, it's just an act. And he IS a good actor."

"So when did the twins get involved?"

"Well, you know, they live a few houses down from Tyndal. So sometimes they'd be wrestling around or something and you know how that works, you start popping up hard, but nothing came of it at first. Tommy and Dorsey had been playing around with each other like from about the first grade or something. Said they started blowing each other in the fourth. But see, that was just their secret and they didn't want anybody else to know about it. And Tyndal didn't want anybody to know about how he felt. But I guess after Jaromir went back home, he had the horn dog big time, so he started laying the groundwork for me and the twins. Which I've pretty much already told you about. But here's where it gets weird. And considering how you saw us streaking that night, I guess it's even weirder, but see, the only reason Tommy and Dorsey decided to get it on that night was because they could see me and Tyndal going at it. I guess you can sort of tell when the sheets are moving like that, but we didn't know they knew about it. Until they told us a couple of days later. Me and Tyndal were about to freak at first but then they started laughing and that's when they told us they did it all the time. Weird, huh?"

"Yeah, totally. ... So okay, how did Isac get involved?"

"Twins seduced him during a sleepover at their house. They're evil, you know. The twins are. ... Nah, they're not really, but they noticed that Isac kept sneaking looks at them in class when he didn't think they'd notice, which they then told me and Tyndal about, so Tyndal said, `Well why don't you two invite him over to your place for a sleepover one night?' and so they did, and Isac was about to pee all over himself he was so excited and they ended up doing it, that's all. Then they told us about it. So Isac's cute as hell, you know? So Tyndal wanted the twins to find out what Isac thought about him and me. Well, it turned out he thought Tyndal was awesome and he thought I was cute, then I think he said something like, `But why are you asking me all this? They don't mess around the way we are do they?' and the twins said, `Oh, you might be surprised.' And he sure was at that. So that was our first new member."

"So... well, I don't know, I mean any of them say anything-"

"About you?"

"Yeah, I guess." I'm sure I sounded a bit doubtful on that. Like I didn't really want to know the answer.

Which I guess Constantin picked up on, because he started kissing me again. Then he said, "I wish you'd quit being so down on yourself."

"So you gonna keep kissing me if I'm not?"

"Sure! You haven't figured that out yet? ... But to answer your question, one time you got upset about something when they were around. I don't even remember what it was now, but right after you left, Dorsey said, 'Shit. I think he's in love with you.' So I'm like, `Really? You think he is?' and Tyndal says `Yeah, I think he really is. So why don't you find out?'

"Really?"

"Yeah, really. So are you?"

"Pretty much," I allowed.

"So if I haven't made myself clear on this - just in case - I think I love you, too. I mean, I THINK I do - (he sort of giggled)- "at least pretty much. So is that okay with you?"

"Yeah," (and I started to add "I guess" again, but this time I decided against it.) And nothing bad came of it.

"And they want you to be in the club too," he added. "A lot. But anyway, I was trying to figure out how to seduce your ass and I was thinking about asking you to spend the night... which would have been tonight, but then I broke my leg. And then you showed up. And then it hit me, just like that."

"Well, damn," I said. So that's why I'm not sure if I should have my birthday changed to October 6th or 7th.

But anyway. I was just trying to let everything sink in. And we'd been doing a lot of stroking and occasional kissing and it sure looked like all that talking about how everybody first got involved had gotten us pretty stiff again, so finally I asked him, "So you want to fuck me? Right now?"

Seemed like the best way to do it was me sitting in his lap. Facing him. And it was awesome. I just kept easing up and eas-ing back down. Slow and easy. For as long as I could stand it at least, but it wasn't long until I was humping like a bitch in heat or something. After it was over, I was thinking that eventually we might be able to make it last longer, but that time sure lasted a lot longer than any time before.

But I didn't decide at that point that I couldn't stand any more fun that day. If I was going to lay out of school I might as well get my money's worth, you know? And that night while we were eating and my folks asked how my day had been, I thought about it and finally I said, "Well, actually it was pretty good. Maybe the 9th grade's not so bad after all," and my mom said, "Well, I knew if you'd just apply yourself..." and all that, I mean I can't remember most of it, except in the end they both said they'd noticed that I seemed to be a lot happier about things. Which I guess is as good a place as any to end this chapter.