I almost did start crying. But I didn't, because it just didn't seem proper for me to be doing something like that. I was still looking at him sort of misty eyed, though. Like when you're watching some old tear-jerker movie and when the crying violins cue up, you're really not supposed to get all emotional, but you can't help it. Even if up till then the movie mostly sucked, all at once you're having to hold it in and afraid to say anything because your voice will give you away.

But I still needed to get this sorted out. "You mean... (choke) - just a small one - you mean..."

"Yeah, I'm gay. And it doesn't bother me. As soon I get out on my own, I'm not even going to bother putting on an act." Constantin alway was very matter-of-fact.

"Yeah, well, I guess I've known I was for a couple of years now." It felt so good to say that, I almost wanted to repeat it a few times. "Yes! I'm gay! I'm gay!! YIPPEE!" But I didn't, as I have always tended to be cautious about things. Something you've probably noticed by now.

"So you've done it before then?"

I made a wry face, shrugged slightly and said, "Umm... well, I don't know if you could exactly call it that... `cause it was with my cousin... and well, I don't know..." Then I trailed off and realized I was being OVERLY cautious.

So I quickly added, "Which I guess is a dumb thing for me to say, actually, and if you want me to, I'll tell you about it later on because in a way, it was kind of funny but right now do you want me to finish giving you your bath?" My voice was shaky, but I was doing better. And I was also anxious to get on with it. His bath.

"Definitely" he replied very forthrightly. Even if there was still a slight tremor in his voice as well. And his penis... oh wow. It was twitching. A little. Oh boy, oh boy, oh BOY!!

"I don't think we need the wash cloth anymore" I added quickly.

"Nah. Just gets in the way."

"So", I said in a somewhat professional tone of voice, "I suppose we really do need to get... yourpeniscleaned... up a bit... don't we?" Like I said, only somewhat professional.

But it seemed he was playing along with it. "Do we really HAVE to?"

"I think so" I said hopefully.

"But... but sometimes that makes me get all damp and sticky and stuff!"

I just shrugged and said, "We really should though."

"Oh, all right" he said forthrightly, "At least that's a good place to start" and I almost squirted. Maintaining any semblance of professionalism was obviously going to be somewhat difficult.

So I wrapped my fingers around it. It twitched again. God! It felt hot! Or at least pretty warm. And hard! But so smooth! And a little loose too. His foreskin. Only I was pretty sure I knew how to work it. I pulled down. And it worked. Yes!! It squished a little. Precum! "Oh wow!" I squeaked.

Accusingly, Constantin went, "You aren't really a doctor, are you?"

"... You're leaking!"

At which point he almost turned serious. "I know. And I had some more stuff in mind actually. So... you wanna finish this part up pretty quick?" And with that he scooted up a bit and pulled his right leg up. And out some. (The one not broken.) And with just a little more scooting and opening up, all at once... his little brown hole was sort of opened up. And suddenly I felt like I'd been pushed off into the deep end and I wasn't sure if I really knew how to swim that well after all.

As you might have guessed, my old man's definition of homosexual behavior was fairly inclusive. Just letting somebody touch you down there, for instance. So of course my touching someone else down there counted as well. Even that brief show-me-yours-and-I'll-show-you-mine incident would have counted. So if all he had in mind was a mutual jack off session, I would have settled for that. And I probably would've jerked off at least four times later on that night just recalling the occasion. And if what he had in mind was trading blow jobs... well, holy shit!! I would have felt like I'd died and gone to heaven for sure, but THIS... oh my! Oh my... (squirt.)

Well, I couldn't HELP it. I shouldn't have been all that surprised, but I was. Only I wanted to explore everything I could, you know? I'd just barely started getting acquainted with his penis. Not a huge thing; right at five inches, fairly decent circumference - but it was HIS - I wanted to closely examine his glans - which looked almost like mine except his was pinker - I wanted to lightly stroke his little black bush (how much time did I have, anyway?), I'd gently kneaded his hairless balls (only hair he had was above his dick), I'd cautiously traced my finger down along his perineum (or at least I think that's what it is), my finger was inching closer and closer to his... his... well, you know... and if anything he was opening wider and he was sort of... cooing... that's what it sounded like, so... he really wanted me to...

I would, but then (squirt), it happened. About an inch short of the goal. Which caused my finger to jerk back involuntarily. A stricken look crossed my face and softly under my breath I said, "shit!"

Which didn't escape Constantin. Somewhat breathlessly he asked, "What, you just lose it?"

"Well, yeah" I admitted.

"Oh." But he didn't seem all that disappointed, really. "That's okay. My folks aren't going to be back till a little after nine. Okay?"

And that's when I REALLY felt like I'd died and went to heaven. Because it was only a little past four! But being deeply caring and all, I still had to mention one thing. "Yeah, but I thought you wanted to go to sleep pretty soon."

"I changed my mind. That's okay, isn't it?"

"Oh sure" I said.

* * *

This is a time-out. The first time (at least with someone you really care about) is about as good as it ever gets. Trying to recapture that feeling in words though... I just hope I can pull it off.

But I'm not going to leave this hanging. That's about as likely as I was back then to remember that I was supposed to be home by five. So it had been fun, but... no, that wasn't going to happen. (I did call though. Made up an excuse about helping Constantin cram for a test. Which worked.)

But what I meant by feeling like I'd been pushed off into the deep end (and remembering I was at least one badge short) was there was one thing I hadn't done with Jeff. While he'd sure done more than a few things to my hole, I didn't want to mess with his. I just didn't, that's all. But I knew exactly what Constantin wanted. Because after all, I'd wanted it too. From Jeff. First time wasn't so great, but eventually I discovered it wasn't so bad either.

Constantin was a whole 'nother thing though. But it was so unexpected. And I wasn't sure about several things. Including whether I would be able to do it right. Honest. I'd decided to give it a go, I was looking forward to it (apparently a bit too much) but anyway...

I've just decided I really should tell you about my summer with Jeff. Because after all, I told Constantin. And it was kind of funny in some ways. Like for example who was really using who. So in the interest of some additional character development, maybe this would be as good a place as any. That squirting put a damper on the foreplay anyway.

Even if it didn't put an end to it. I had almost five hours! And my dick was as difficult to keep down as Freddie Krueger. You remember how you were at that age, right? So there's not going to be a major problem here. Just a slight detour.

* * *

My summer in Bloomington started out great. Really great. And I'm not being sarcastic about this. I almost flipped out when I found out where my "room" was going to be. Out back in the work shed. Which I know doesn't sound all that great, but it was, because about half of that shed had been renovated into a guest room. They'd done it a couple years back. So all to myself I had a bed, a closet, two chairs, a microwave, a TV, and my own bathroom. Complete with a shower. It was like I was going to have my own little house! I'd already been told I'd have a room to myself, but I had no idea... Damn! It was almost perfect!

Oh, and I almost forgot. I also had a stereo. What it amounted to was an AM-FM radio, a cassette deck and a pair of speakers. And the left speaker had a tendency to drop out. (This was back in the late 80s. I don't guess I've mentioned that prior to now either.) And I really didn't almost forget about the stereo, I just thought it deserved a separate paragraph. Because it ends up playing a major role in things. Including the sex part. Which was because of the timer. So you could use the stereo as an alarm clock. And that's all I'm going to say about it right now, but soon enough it'll all be clear. Or at least I hope so.

The first thing I did that first night after saying good night and retiring to my new room was to strip down to my jockey shorts and sit around watching TV. Damn! It was great! Just sipping a Coke and watching TV in my undies. Cool! "Hmm. Well, I guess I need to take a shower." And since the shower was out separate from the bathroom, just had a curtain is all, I might as well just go ahead and pull my undies off right where I was. And oh what the hell, I'd take my shower in a little bit. Just sipping a Coke and watching TV in my birthday suit. Fucking A! I was getting stiff just thinking about it.

I loved being naked. I was even going to sleep naked. And I had one of my best jerk off sessions ever that night. (It didn't take much to get me excited back then.)

I'd brought some tapes along. I had a tape player of course, but seeing as how I could use that stereo, I was going to wake up with Pink Floyd. "The Wall." That's my all-time favorite album. So I cued the tape up to the 2:58 mark of track one. Which is where the opening jam ends by morphing into what sounds like a jet fighter taking off. An excellent sound effect, and I thought it would be really cool to be awakened by this. I'd set the volume to 7. Which wasn't loud enough to cause the neighbors to complain, but it was still loud. So next morning I was sound asleep and it went off right on cue. Right in my ear and I went airborne. I have no idea exactly how far I went off the bed, but I just went straight up! And then I came back down on the floor. And that's how I almost got killed by my alarm. Once I'd figured out I hadn't broken anything, I said, "Damn! Next time why don't you just pop in the 1812 Overture?" (That's the one with the cannons and shit.) But anyway, after that startling episode I did continue waking myself up with music, even classical sometimes, but I turned the volume down to about 3. And I also opted for for actual music as opposed to sound effects. Waking up thinking you're in the middle of World War II isn't always a good thing.

Only, that wasn't the sex part. Even if at the time it happened I might have thought it would make a sex story, as in: "Man, I almost scared the living SHIT out of myself, and you know what? I was damn naked!!", but thankfully, that's not it. Much to everyone's relief no doubt. But I thought I should explain about my wonderful alarm clock because, A: I thought it was a good story and B: it also makes it easier to explain the situation once sex really did get involved.

But first, I suppose I should introduce cousin Jeff. He'd just turned seventeen, was around 5'-8'', worked out every day (so he was well built) and was blond. And a jock. Big time. All of which probably sounds very promising, but we had a major personality clash. I really can't recall that ever not being the case. I didn't like him because he looked down on me. Just because he had muscles and I didn't. Because he was a jock and I wasn't. And he was always saying shit like, "Well, if you'd just get your nose out those damn books and tried a little, you could be like me." Like I really wanted to be like him, you know? And you have no idea how sick I got of his always spouting things like: "Well, I'm going to give it 110%", "I think our team really sent a message today", "I tell you, around here it's basketball season thirteen months a year", "We definitely came to play today"... well, you get the picture I guess.

He did have some non-sports related clichés, the one I remember the most was, "Ah, to be young a foolish". If you repeat the same thing over and over and over, it becomes a cliché. But the reason I remember that particular platitude is that he kept directing it to me. Then he'd ask if I knew what it meant. And he expected an answer too. So eventually I'd give some smart-ass reply like, "What, are we doing the Socratic method today?" and then he'd come right back with, "Read my lips. Ah, to be young and foolish" and I'd go, "JESUS!" and he'd go, "Ah, to be young.." (I don't suppose the Socratic method could in any way be connected to his remarks, but that's what popped into my head one time and seeing as how he apparently thought there was some lesson of importance behind all this, maybe.) But who gives a shit anyway?

So we're off to a great start here. And beauty is only skin deep.

Although he was sort of good-looking. Remove his vocal chords and... who knows?

So, moving right on along here - PLEASE! - while I did continue to run around naked as much as I could in my little summer house, I only did this at night. Unless I could think of a good excuse to do it during the day. Like for instance I'd get in from school and I'd think, "Man! It is HOT today! ... I think I'll take a quick shower" and whether I needed to or not, I would. Now don't get me wrong, even at home I can shower naked - it's rather expected in fact - but at home I didn't take three or four a day. (No telling what their water bill went up to that summer.) Oh, and I did spend an unusual amount of time naked both before and after my showers. About as much as I thought I could get away with. Or at least I did until Jeff walked in on me. Ah, to be young and foolish. Well, see, he had a key. I didn't know that. Obviously. So while I liked to get naked, I didn't like to be seen naked. So I was weird, okay? I've already mentioned that anyway. But I especially didn't want Jeff seeing me naked. Because my underdeveloped body didn't compare all that well to his. And when I said I didn't want to be like Jeff, I didn't mean I wanted to be a runt all my life, I just meant I didn't want to be like HIM. I mean, you can be well built and still be a nice person to be around, you know?

Only, that wasn't the sex part either. I was just embarrassed to death, that's all. In light of what later took place, that could have been when certain gears in Jeff's head started turning, but at the time, I just assumed the reason he was looking at me the way he was was because he just had no idea how underdeveloped I really was. I didn't look like a Third World war orphan, but I was a long way from being ripped.

Although at least one part of my anatomy was making decent strides, but as I was still thinking it could get a lot bigger, I wasn't satisfied with it either. Which is why I was just sitting there with my hands over it. God, it was horrible!

(And if you should get caught naked, the first thing you're going to try to cover will be...? That's just what I thought. Even if you're out in the woods and you meet up with a complete stranger. So what you really should cover at that point is your face, but that's not how it's going to work, now is it?)

Anyway, the incident above happened... I think it was on a Monday afternoon. The second week I was there. So after that, I had to stop going naked during daylight hours. Except when I took a shower, and even then I had to take precautions like for example, having my clothes near by and not all the way across the room. It was a bummer, but I had to do it. But then once in my room for the night it was showtime again. It did occur to me that if Jeff could let himself in during the day, he could just as easily do it at night, but if he did, well shit, I'd just ask him what in the hell he was doing in my room in the first damn place, you know? (That previous time? The horrible one? He'd come in to see if he could find a magazine. Which seemed to be a reasonable excuse as there were several boxes of various sports magazines. And one entire box of Boy's Life magazines.) (???)

Not yet. And besides, I was a bit preoccupied at the time. But we're getting closer. Just in case you were wondering.

If I couldn't be naked during the day, I could still be pretty close. Like for instance I could just change into gym shorts. Undies? Who needed them? So I guess I really was getting to be an exhibitionist at that, I just hadn't completely come out of the closet yet. Closet exhibitionist. Get it?

Okay, sorry. So all right then. While Jeff's Nautilus machine was in their basement, there was an old weight bench back in the corner of my room along with a few weights. So about three days after my embarrassment, I was doing a little light lifting. Like I was really up to heavy lifting, you know? And I wasn't real dedicated about it anyway as it turned out, but I was thinking maybe I might get at least a little more muscle definition, so at any rate, there I was stretched out on the weight bench doing some lifting when Jeff walked in again. Me in just my gym shorts. No, of course I didn't have my undies on. Shit, if I'm going to work out, I might as well enjoy it, that's the way I looked at it, and you know what? I wasn't the least BIT horribly embarrassed. Even though the first question he asked me was if I didn't know I could get hurt lifting by myself. And now that I think of it, I guess you could, so score one for him then. But no, it really didn't matter to me that he was right there in front of me and all I had on was my floppy gym shorts. (GASP!) (I really AM an exhibitionist!)

Well, I guess, because when it occurred to me that he was sneaking peeks up inside my shorts, I still didn't care, in fact, I was getting a kick out of it. Really! But if you're getting a thrill out of something like that, then before long, your penis is going to start getting excited. (And it did.) But I still didn't care.

In fact, when I thought it over later on that night I was a bit gratified. I was naive - and young and foolish - (and I swear that's the last time I'm going to do that), but I did know about trying to sneak peeks up other boy's shorts. Because I'd done it on a few occasions myself. Without much success to speak of because they always had their undies on, but I could always hope. But I only tried looking at boys I felt some sort of physical attraction for. So that must mean Jeff had a physical attraction to me! Well, damn! But being very naive - and that's all - (and I did it again, didn't I?) Well sorta... but being pretty close to downright clueless, it never occurred to me that he might take things further. And it also never occurred to me that I was actually leading him on. I mean, the whole time he was standing there sneaking peeks, I was pretending I didn't notice. Even when I started popping wood. Seriously.

Okay, maybe subconsciously I was more aware of things, shit, I don't know, but I really was naive.

I slept naked that night, just like always. The novelty was wearing off some, but it still felt good when I first crawled under the sheets and it felt good to wake up that way. Usually when I woke up, my sheets would be kicked off because one thing my summer cottage didn't have was air conditioning. It had a window fan, but it can get awfully hot and sticky in the summer. But it was really nice in the morning with the fan blowing a steady breeze across my morning boner and I'd lay there and stretch lazily, waking up slowly to whatever I had in the tape deck - that was way cool. I was getting a little more sophisticated. You sort of feel that way when you can sleep naked, but aside from that, I'd discovered the joy of doing it slowly. Classical music worked very well in that regard. `Cause I was doing in time with the music. But I liked to experiment, so sometimes I'd select for my morning wake up call a more up-tempo piece. One nice perk that came with taking that class was that I could check out stuff from their library. Including tapes.

But anyway, early that following morning I was having the most wonderful dream. I mean this was a doozy! I was dreaming I was getting a BLOW job! I hadn't ever had one of those before, so maybe I was getting something else, but it really seemed to be everything I'd imagined an actual blow job would be and then some. But as the tempo ebbed and flowed, pulled away, licked a bit... on my pee hole! ... Oh that was GOOD! ... Took a deep breath and all the way down to my scraggly bush ... Hey wait a minute here. Just wait one fucking minute! And I cracked my eyes open. Then all at once, I bet they got big as saucers. Then I shut them real quick and pretended I was still asleep.

Jeff was between my legs bobbing up and down on my dick. !!!! and !!!! again. And I will tell you this: He didn't have very many redeeming qualities, but he was good at this. At the time I had no way of making any comparisons, but I've received more than a few since and he was good! So I was thinking (somewhat deliriously, but I was doing my best) ... so I was thinking as long as he thought I was asleep I could CONTINUE getting blow jobs from him. Many many. Although eventually I'm sure it would have dawned on me that there was no way in hell anybody could be so dumb as to imagine you could keep sucking on somebody's dick without them ever waking up. But being naive and inexperienced and sort out of my fucking mind, I was thinking along those lines and kept pretending to be sound asleep. And tried to keep my toes from flexing. And then he swallowed my balls. Both of them. And then I remembered my alarm. Which was probably going to go off at any second. And this morning's selection was to be from Handel's "Messiah", "Why Do The Nations Rage So Furiously Together". Just because I like it, okay? But it's a very up-tempo piece. And I really really didn't want Jeff to be startled with my balls in his mouth no matter HOW good it felt. The result could've been catastrophic. So maybe I'd better open my eyes, I thought. But then what? How about, "Hey Jeff, whatcha doing?" No, that would be startling too. How about, "Oh Oh Oh OH SHIT!"? I felt like that anyway. But that would still be startling.

He looked up and noticed I was looking at him with a deeply concerned expression on my face. And I believe he was at least slightly startled, but it didn't result in my becoming a soprano for the rest of my life. (Whew!)

"I guess I'd better cut the alarm off" I said. "I'm awake already."

Finally regaining his composure he asked, "So you like that?"

"Duh, yeah!" I replied.

"So you want me to finish?"

"Well, shit yeah" I said with genuine feeling, "That feels great!"

And so he did and I didn't feel at all negative about it. You kidding? But later... well, I'll get to that in the next chapter or maybe the chapter after that. I'm not sure really, but in the next chapter I want to continue with my first time with Constantin. So I guess I will.