---

I was literally walking on air when I got back to Granny J's the day after Valentine's Day. I felt like everything was finally going my way. Or at least a lot of things. I'd found Justyn again, and he was still as interested in me as I was in him. I couldn't wait to spend time with him again, but wait I would. I'd have to wait until next weekend to see him again.

While I was excited about seeing Justyn again, I was also nervous. Nervous that I wouldn't end up getting the scholarship that Kevyn helped me to sign up for. He was just amazing. I could see why Bastian was so smitten with him. He hardly knew me but he was willing to help me to get back into school. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't even be thinking about college anymore. It was only because I got the football scholarship to the university that I was able to go to school. It's not like the old man would have helped me out. Not me. Not the son he didn't want.

Time since Valentine's Day seemed to crawl by. And of course the weekends seemed to fly by. It seemed as though the weeks were getting longer and the weekends were getting shorter. It seemed as though I was just getting to Justyn's when it was time for him to bring me home again.

We were spending all of our free weekend time together but we'd still not had sex. I wanted to have sex with him in the worst way, but I didn't know how to broach the subject with him. We'd hear Kevyn and Bastian going at it in their room after we got to their apartment from the restaurant and then I'd usually hear them again in the morning after Justyn left for work. Justyn ended up telling me about the time he had spied on his brother and Kevyn having sex. He'd not done it since but I was tempted to a few Sunday mornings, especially those mornings when I was particularly horny. Even though we weren't having sex, it didn't mean that I didn't see Justyn naked. We ended up sleeping naked and he'd grab his work clothes when he'd go off to the bathroom in the morning to shower before leaving. Most Sunday mornings I was partially awake when he'd leave the room and I'd take the opportunity to watch his hot bubble butt walk out the door. He'd hop into the shower and I'd usually throw back the covers and stroke my straining hard-on to a satisfying climax. I'd then wipe my cum off of my chest with my underwear and then fall back to sleep for a few hours. All I knew was that I wanted to have sex with Justyn and I was hoping that he felt the same way.

Even after a few weekends of our getting together, I'd still not worked up the courage to talk him about the sex part thought, and he hadn't said anything either. It was weird. It was like we were waiting for the other one to start the conversation. I was horny. I'm 19, of course I'm going to be horny. And being around Justyn, Kevyn and Bastian didn't help. And sleeping next to Charlie every night when I wasn't at Justyn's was torture. If it wasn't for Justyn and the fact that Charlie was straight, I could really fall for him. He's hot. He was around six feet tall, like me, blond hair, blue eyes and a great body. He lifted weights at school and all the lifting of the containers of dirty dishes didn't hurt him either. There had been many a night I'd have to get up in the middle of the night and go take care of my business in the bathroom, otherwise I was afraid I might explode in bed. Justyn and I were together but not together. It's hard to explain. Maybe it's cause we weren't having sex so it was like a friendship, but I know there's more to a relationship with someone then just sex. Relationships built solely on sex rarely last and while I would love to have sex with Justyn, I want this relationship to last. It reminded me of a song that I'd been hearing on the radio since we got back together:

I hear the ticking of the clock
I'm lying here the room's pitch dark
I wonder where you are tonight
No answer on the telephone
And the night goes by so very slow
Oh I hope that it won't end though
Alone

Till now I always got by on my own
I never really cared until I met you
And now it chills me to the bone
How do I get you alone
How do I get you alone

You don't know how long I have wanted
To touch your lips and hold you tight
You don't know how long I have waited
And I was going to tell you tonight
But the secret is still my own
And my love for you is still unknown
Alone

Till now I always got by on my own
I never really cared until I met you
And now it chills me to the bone
How do I get you alone
How do I get you alone
How do I get you alone
How do I get you alone
Alone, alone
"Alone" - Heart

I'd spend most of the weekend with Justyn and with Kevyn and Bastian on Sunday morning while Justyn was working. We had a lot of fun and I was really enjoying spending time with them. I was still hoping that I'd get accepted at the school like Justyn did and if I did get accepted that he'd ask me to move in with him. I know that Kevyn and Bastian wouldn't mind me living there.

I'd still not heard anything on the application that Kevyn helped me to fill out for the scholarship to the university that he, Bastian and Justyn were attending. I'd run out in the early afternoon to the market for Granny J before the mail had been delivered. She needed some items for a special dinner she was making for some regulars. They'd rented out the restaurant for the evening so I wouldn't be having as many dishes to wash. After I got back to the restaurant and put the items in the fridge, I went upstairs.

"Any mail for me?" I asked as I usually did after the mail had arrived.

"Nope," Charlie replied as he usually did. "Nothing yet."

Oh well, nothing yet. The old grandfather clock in the living room chimed with the new hour. "Where are you taking Heather tonight?" I asked changing the subject.

"Not sure yet."

"I'm sure you'll figure something out."

"Yeah, we will," Charlie replied getting up from the table. "Well, I gotta get ready for work." He headed off to the bedroom. I watched him leave, and sat down at the table. I had a little bit before I needed to get downstairs.

* * *

Since the restaurant was closed to the general public that night, I didn't have to work as late as I normally would. I was just getting started on the dishes when Charlie came in the back door of the restaurant.

"Wow, you're back early. Where'd you guys go for dinner, McDonalds?" I asked, knowing how he didn't like fast food.

"We didn't go anywhere. We're not together anymore."

"When did this happen?"

"Before we got to the restaurant."

"What happened?"

"Tristan!" Granny J rebuked me. "That's kind of a personal question."

"It's ok GJ, I don't mind," Charlie responded before I had a chance to say anything. "Tristan's like a brother to me." He took his jacket off. "I'm kinda tired. I'm gonna head off to bed." He headed off toward the upstairs apartment.

Even though the restaurant was closed for a private party there still seemed to be a ton of dishes. I finished with them a couple of hours after I started and did some cleaning on the kitchen itself. I finally got done and upstairs a little before midnight. Charlie was asleep. I was my usual horny self and a lot of the time during the week, I'd be getting to bed after Charlie so I'd take care of business in the bathroom before I'd go to sleep. I was more tired than usual so I didn't bother with my normal nightly routine. I just brushed my teeth, dropped my clothes into a pile near the bathroom door, climbed in between the sheets and fell to sleep.

* * *

We broke the kiss and pulled apart. Justyn's chest rose and fell with his heavy breathing. We'd been doing a lot of kissing for the past several minutes and it left both of us somewhat breathless. Justyn pulled further away and reached over to the nightstand next to the bed. He pulled the drawer open and rummaged around inside of it for a few seconds before pulling his hand back out. He had his hand cupped so I couldn't see the contents. He put the closed hand in front of me palm side up. "Open it," was all he said.

I was intrigued with what he could possibly have in his hand. It wasn't any sort of anniversary for us that I could remember anyway. I gave him a quizzical look and he just smiled at me. I brought my hand to his and pried his fingers open. A black foil package was sitting in the palm of his hand.

"Is this what I think it is?" I asked him, before picking it up.

"Yup, it is," he replied as he watched me look at the package. "Fuck me Tristan."

"Are you sure? Are you ready?"

"Yes, I'm sure, and I'm more than ready."

We both smiled at each other before leaning in to kiss again. Both of us were rock hard still. We kissed some more and he played with my penis while I felt around his ass with my finger. He let me play a bit before he grabbed the lube he had on his bedside and spread a little on my fingers. I renewed my probing of his asshole with my now lubed fingers. He groaned each time I inserted the fingers. After a few minutes, he indicated he was ready. He grabbed the lube again and spread some on my cock. The sensation of him rubbing the lube on my hard member was almost more than I could take. I felt ready to shoot my pent up load. He stopped before that happened and wiped the lube off of his hand. He then took the foil package from me and opened it. He took the condom and un-rolled it on my dick.

He moved so he was on his back and brought his legs up, giving me full access to his ass. I played with it for a couple more seconds before moving my cock into position. The work I'd been doing with my fingers had loosened him up enough to allow me to insert my cockhead. I worked slowly, bringing more and more of my hard cock into his ass. He groaned quietly as I worked on getting every inch into his tight hole.

After a few minutes of careful work, I was able to get the full length of my cock in his ass. He grabbed my ass as I started to thrust in and out of his ass. The feelings coming from my cock were incredible. I can't believe I waited this long to try this. Why didn't I do something in high school?

Try as I might to prolong the pleasure, it didn't take long before the familiar feeling started in my balls. It was more intense than usual, but it was unstoppable. "I'm cumming Justyn," I called out as the first shots of cum filled the tip of the condom.

"Tristan what are you doing?" Charlie's voice woke me up. I'd been dreaming. I looked down to see my seed covering his back and ass and my cock.

"Oh my God, Charlie. I didn't realize what I'd been doing."

"I gathered that," he said rather testily. "I guess Heather was right, you are a sex fiend."

"What? Why would Heather say that?"

"Get towel or something and wipe up your sperm, will you? Before it drips on the bed." He'd rolled onto his stomach to keep the cum from running onto the bed. I got out of bed, cupping my hand under my cock and balls in an attempt to keep the cum that was covering me from falling on the floor. The last thing I needed was any questions from Granny J!

I grabbed my underwear off the floor and did a quick wipe up of myself. I then grabbed my tee shirt and walked over to the bed. I wiped off Charlie's backside and balled up the underwear in the tee shirt and dumped them back on top of my jeans.

Charlie rolled over after I had finished cleaning up my "accident". He had tears in his eyes and he started to shake.

"What's the matter Charlie? I'm sorry for what happened. I didn't mean for it to happen, I didn't know what I was doing. I'd never knowingly do that."

"Are you going to kill yourself?"

His question took me by surprise. I sat up a little straighter. "What? Why would you think that?"

"Cause that's what happened to Ian."

"Who's Ian?"

He adjusted himself on the bed and pulled the blankets up over his waist covering his cock and balls. "Did Granny J ever tell you why I came to live with her?"

"No, she didn't. She said it wasn't her place to say."

He released a small chuckle and a smile. "That's like her. We'd talked about it soon after I stormed out of the room. She told me I should talk to you, to explain what happened. I wanted to but never seemed to find the right moment."

He adjusted how he was sitting on the bed and turned to face me. "I came to live with Granny J when I was thirteen. Before then I'd been living with my aunt and uncle and my cousin Ian since I was like six months old. My parents had been killed in a car accident one winter night soon after Christmas. My aunt and uncle were my guardians. My cousin Ian was two years older than I was. We were best friends. No, we were more than that, we were like brothers. My aunt and uncle had a small house in a town not too far from here. It was only a two bedroom so Ian and I had to share a room. He didn't mind sharing his room with me. Like I said, we were like brothers. I owe a lot of who I am to Ian. He helped shape me, guide me as I grew. A lot of my musical tastes come from him. He had music on constantly. It's because of him that I love The Moody Blues and Elton John. Especially Elton John.

"Even thought I was technically an orphan due to my parents' death, I was with a family that loved me. Ian and I were inseparable, even as we got older. It wasn't until the summer that I turned twelve that things changed. Ian started withdrawing from me, from the family. I first thought it was something I had done, something that I wasn't doing that I should have been."

Charlie got up from the bed and walked over to his window. "He seemed sad all the time," he continued. "He wasn't himself. No matter what I did, nothing seemed to help him. His parents noticed too. They tried to help him but nothing changed. It broke their hearts to see Ian like this. He was their only child, and it took them a long time to have him. Aunt Janet had a lot of trouble getting pregnant. She had many tests, underwent a couple of surgeries, even tried invitro fertilization all to no avail.

"After the invitro failed, and the doctor's couldn't explain why, they decided to test my uncle. Not only was Aunt Janet unable to conceive children, Uncle Tyler had a low sperm count. Even if Janet could have conceived a child, it wouldn't have been with Uncle Tyler. So with their hopes dashed of ever having a natural child, they turned to adoption. They thought the invitro was expensive, the adoption was even more so. Everything seemed to be going well. They were going to adopt an orphan from Russia. They understood the risks and all that. Two weeks before Uncle Tyler was supposed to leave for Russia to finalize the adoption, they got two pieces of news. One good, one bad."

I stood up and stretched. "What did they find out?" I asked, my curiosity piqued.

"The adoption was off due to a fire at the orphanage that they were going to adopt from. Everyone was killed, including several of the firefighters who had arrived early and were trying to rescue the children."

"Oh my god, that's awful."

"Yeah, it was. That same day, Aunt Janet found out she was pregnant."

"She got pregnant? But I thought that she couldn't, that he couldn't."

"That's what the doctor's thought as well. They couldn't explain it. Nobody could. Not that my aunt and uncle were looking to change it, or really concerned with the how. The pregnancy wasn't an easy one, she ended up on complete bed rest in her fifth month. She couldn't do anything. But later she said it was worth it when my cousin Ian was born."

"So how did you end up here, at Granny J's?"

"Remember how I said that Ian's demeanor changed?"

"Yeah."

"Well, about six months after he started acting differently, he took his own life."

"What?"

"Yeah. He killed himself. I came home from school one afternoon to discover the police at the house. My uncle worked in construction, building big buildings. Not houses mind you but the skyscrapers. My first thought was that he had gotten injured on the job, fallen off a building or something. It never occurred to me, not even with Ian in his endless depressed state that it wasn't my uncle that the police were here about."

"Why? Why did he kill himself?"

"I can't know all the reasons, nobody but Ian could. But he did write me a letter that I found after his death. He tried to explain, wanted me to understand why he did what he did."

I crossed over to Charlie and put my hand on his shoulder. I could feel him shaking as he stood there. He must be reliving the day that he found out about his cousin. I squeezed his shoulder. "It's ok. You don't have to tell me if it's too hard."

"It's ok." He turned to face me, his eyes watering with tears. "I still get sad when I think about him, but that was a long time ago." He took a deep breath before he continued. "Ian killed himself cause he was like you, like Justyn, Kevyn and Bastian. He killed himself cause he's gay."

I'd heard about the statistics, that gay teenagers had a much higher suicide rate than straight teenagers did, but even after I figured myself out I never even considered killing myself. Besides, I'd think that if I was going to kill myself, it would be to escape my parents, not because the fact I like guys. "He did?"

"Yeah, but that wasn't the only reason."

"What else was there?"

"He also killed himself cause he felt like he let his parents down. They had tried so hard to have a child and couldn't for so long. They tried to adopt and that didn't happen and then when they finally did have a child, and the only one they could have, it turned out he was gay. His parents would never know the joys of grandchildren. His parents would never have a daughter-in-law. I'd never heard his parents say anything bad about gays, but I'd never heard them say anything good either. He seemed to think that they would disown him if he was gay."

"Would they have?"

"I don't know. I'm not sure what he told his parents, if he told them anything. He might not even have written them a letter. In his note to me, he asked me not to say anything to them. I don't think they even know that I got a letter from him. The funeral was really tough. Ian was well liked at his school. It seemed as though the whole school turned out for his funeral. A bunch of his friends spoke and I ended up speaking and I ended up playing a couple of songs by Elton John. One was his favorite and one was one that I discovered right after his death. I'd heard the song many times, cause I loved the album it was on but I never really listened to the song until the night I found out about his death. I ended up just sitting in our room listening to my cd player and that album over and over again."

"What song was it?"

"I doubt you'd know it."

"I happen to like Elton John too. Maybe I do know it."

"I can play it if you want."

"You don't have to play it if it will bring up any more painful memories."

"No, it's ok. I play it a lot when I think of him. It helps me to remember what a special person he was." He walked over to his stereo and turned it on. He pulled out one of his many black Case Logic cd folders and flipped through until he found the disc he was looking for. He put it in the stereo and made a couple of adjustments. In a few seconds, the sounds of music filled his room. I knew the song, and the album, but I had never really listened to the words either.

"You're not a ship to carry in my life
You're naked to my love in many lonely nights
I strayed from the cottages and found myself here
Oh I need your love, your love protects my fears.

And I wonder sometimes and I know I'm unkind
But I need you turn to when I act so blind
Oh I need you turn to when I lose control
You're my guardian angel who keeps out the cold.

Did you paint your smile on, for I said I knew
That my reason for living was for loving you.
We're related in feeling, but you're high above
You're pure and your gentle and with the grace of a dove.

And I wonder sometimes and I know I'm unkind
But I need you turn to when I act so blind
Oh I need you turn to when I lose control
You're my guardian angel who keeps out the cold."

"And here's the other one," he said as he pushed the next button on the CD player.

"It's a little bit funny, this feeling inside
I'm not one of those who can easily hide
I don't have much money, but boy if I did
I'd buy a big house where we both could live

If I was a sculptor, but then again no
Or a man, who potions in a traveling show
I know it's not much, but it's the best I can do
My gift is my song, and this one's for you.

And you can tell everybody this is your song
It maybe quite simple but now that it's done
I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind
That I put down into words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world.

I sat on the roof, I kicked off the moss
Well a few of the verses, they have got me quite cross
But the sun has been quite kind as I wrote this song
It's for people like you that keep it turned on

Excuse me for forgetting but these I do
Oh I've forgotten, if they're green or they're blue
Anyway the thing is, what I really mean
Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen

And you can tell everybody this is your song
It maybe quite simple but, now that it's done
I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind
That I put down into words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world.
I hope you don't, I hope you don't mind
That I down into words
How wonderful life is when you're in the world."

I knew the second song he played, it too was one of my favorites but I had never really listened to the first song he played. "Wow, you're right. I'd never really listened to the first one."

"Yeah, me either. It wasn't until that night that I really listened. I had put the disc in and was just playing it over and over again. It was on like the fourth or fifth time through that I really started listening to it. At first it was just background music, but then I heard the song and I heard the words. I ended up taking the liner notes out and reading the words. It was at that point that they hit home. I'd listened to the disc in it's entirety before but there were only a few songs that I really really liked, and I'd mostly listen to those over and over again. But now I listen to the whole album."

"So how did you end up at Granny J's then?"

"We were all having a tough time with Ian's death. I was seeing a shrink for a while, even after I came here. But Aunt Janet and Uncle Tyler had it worse. They each blamed the other for Ian's death, even though neither of them was the cause. They started fighting all the time and finally they ended up divorcing. Maybe Ian's death was the reason they divorced, maybe it was just the final straw that sent them over the edge, I'm not sure. But they both decided that having a child around would be too tough to handle after losing Ian, so neither of them wanted me. So I ended up here. Granny J agreed to take me in."

I pulled Charlie into a hug. "I'm sorry..." was all I could think to say. Charlie squeezed me and then released me and pulled back. He wiped his eyes. "Is that why you asked me if I was going to kill myself? Cause Ian did?"

Charlie and I were standing naked in his bedroom. I'd seem him naked plenty of times and he'd seen me naked as well. He was really developing. All the hours that he worked in the restaurant and the weight lifting that he did at school during his free periods were really paying off. His upper chest had developed a nice "V" shape and his pectoral muscles had grown. If it wasn't for Justyn and Charlie's own heterosexuality, I could have fallen for him easy.

"I'm going to tell you something I've never told anyone before. Not even the shrink my aunt and uncle sent me to after Ian's death. You have to promise me that you won't tell anyone, not Justyn, not Bastian or Kevyn and especially not Granny J."

I couldn't think of anything to say so I just nodded my agreement.

"Shortly before his demeanor changed, what happened tonight happened with Ian and me. Like I said, my aunt and uncle had a small house and as such, Ian and I had to share a room. The room wasn't big enough for two beds, so we shared one. I woke up one night to feel Ian's cock in my ass crack. He was obviously asleep. I figured that he was dreaming about some girl at school or something. Little did I know at the time he must have been dreaming about some boy. I pretended to be asleep the whole time. He finally got off and must have woken up. I felt him get out of bed and quietly try to wipe up what had happened. I never said a thing to him. What happened must have spooked him out. He didn't say anything about it in the letter, probably figuring I didn't know that it had happened."

"So you figured that part of his depression was caused by what he had done, even if it was as the result of a dream?"

"Yeah. We never talked about it, and I wish we had. Things might have been different today if we had talked about."

"That's all water under the bridge there kiddo. You'll never know what might have happened."

He walked across the room. "I know, I know," he said as he punched the mattress down with his fists. "He might still be alive, we might still be living together. We might be lovers."

It took me a couple of seconds to process what Charlie had said. "Lovers?" I finally managed to say. "But I thought you were straight? What about Heather?"

"What about her? The bitch. I dumped her."

"Why? Cause you're gay?" I moved over to the bed and sat back down.

"No, I'm not gay. I know that I'm straight, but that doesn't mean I didn't like what happened. I did. I enjoyed what Ian did. I woke up to him thrusting up and down my ass crack and I was as hard as a rock. As he shot off, I shot off too. I would have done more, if we'd only talked about it. But we never did. And I didn't realize that he was gay. I would have told him that it was ok, that I still loved him. Yeah, I'm straight but I enjoyed it. Yeah, I'm straight but I loved Ian so much that I would have happily been in a relationship with him, one that was more than just platonic. It's ironic isn't it? You have all these gay people wishing that they were straight and here you have a straight boy wishing he was gay."

"So if you're not gay, why did you break up with Heather?"

"We broke up because of you."

"Me? Why would you break up because of me?"

He sat down on the bed next to me. "She'd already figured out that you were gay. She asked me about it, cornered me really. I didn't deny it. She seemed a little put out by the idea, but it wasn't until she was here earlier in the week to work on homework with me that she showed her true colors. I gave her a tour of the house, including our room and it was then she put two and two together and figured out that we were sharing a bed. She saw something that lead her to ask where you slept. I figured that since she already knew that you were gay and that she knew I was straight so it wouldn't be a problem but I was wrong. She started in on you and how gays are bad, and against God and how they were just sex fiends. She then started in on me and how could I be friends with a gay guy, to let them stay in my house and especially sleep in my bed next to me. I didn't like what she said and we had a big argument over it. I told her that she didn't know what she was talking about and that it didn't matter to me that you were gay. I wasn't and that's what was important between her and I. She didn't believe it and couldn't get past it. I finally had enough and told her that until she grew up and learned to respect other people and to get an attitude adjustment that we were done. She stormed out of the house calling me a "faggot lover". If I never see her again it'll be too soon." He got up and walked over to his dresser.

"You did that cause of me?"

"Yeah."

"But why?"

He turned around and walked back toward the bed and me. "As I said you're like a brother to me."

My brain had finally started to kick in by that point. "Wait, is it because what happened with Ian the reason you threw a nutty the day I woke up here?"

"Yeah, I guess it was. Does it make any sense?"

"Kinda."

"Ian was the closest thing I had to a family. Yeah, I had my aunt and uncle but they were always "Aunt Janet" and "Uncle Tyler". They were never "Mom" and "Dad". He was more than my best friend, he was my brother. I'd lost him, I didn't want to lose you. The day you showed up here, when I found you outside on the step really scared me."

"But at that point you didn't know me that well, Charlie."

"I knew you enough Tristan. You came to Granny J's not only for food but you showed an interest in me. You were willing to help me with stuff, to throw the football around. I don't have a lot of friends here. Sure I have guys and girls I know at school but I don't hang around with them much after school. Between working at Granny J's and homework I don't have a lot of time. Plus I didn't want to get to close to anyone again. I didn't want to get hurt again. But I got close to you, and I've gotten even closer to you since you came here."

"I can never replace Ian you know."

"I know, and I'll never let you. But you are pretty close to being what Ian was to me. You're my best friend and I think of you as an older brother."

Now it was turn for my eyes to water. "I don't know what to say Charlie. You've gotten to be my best friend too."

Charlie's alarm decided to go off at that moment. Charlie looked at it. "Shit, I've got to get ready for school. Do you want me to save you any hot water?" He started toward his bathroom door.

"Nah, it's ok. I'll shower after you leave for school," I replied. He opened the door and started to walk into the bathroom. "And Charlie?"

He stopped and turned to look back. "Yeah?"

"Thanks." It was simple, but it encompassed a lot. Not just the fact that he let me stay with him, but that he was there for me and that he accepted me as I was.

"Anytime bro, anytime." And with that he shut the door and I was alone. I continued to stare at the door that Charlie had just walked through. The weight of what he told me grew heavy on my shoulders. It wasn't long before I was curled up on the bed, crying.