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The first thing I became aware of was the beeping. The constant beeping. It was dark and I didn't know where I was. And it was bad enough having a headache without having the constant beeping! I slowly opened my eyes not sure what I would find. Without moving my head too much I let my eyes roam. I seemed to be in a hospital, but I don't know why or where. So that beeping must be machines, machines that I'm hooked up to. I sensed some movement in the room. What was the last thing I was doing? Oh yeah, I was going to see if Justyn had come back to school.

"Jusytn?" I spoke out loud, my voice kinda scraggly.

He suddenly appeared and moved over to be beside my bed. "Yeah, babe, it's me. How are you feeling?"

"Like I went ten rounds with a Mac truck and lost. Where am I?"

"University hospital."

I just had to ask, although I'm not sure I wanted to know. "What happened?"

He took my hand and sat on the edge of the bed. "I was going to ask you the same thing. Do you remember anything?"

Some images came to mind but I couldn't really focus on any of them. "Not really. I just remember leaving the student union and heading back to the dorms, hoping that you'd returned and the next thing I know, I woke up here."

He looked at me with a mixture of concern and relief on his face. "Yeah, I came back early, obviously. I knocked on your door when I got back but you weren't there. So I went back to my room and hung out. I must have fallen asleep for a little while cause I woke up when you knocked on my door, or maybe fell against it. I opened the door and you dropped into the room. I called health services and the EMTs came over. They brought you in here and I came with them."

"What time is it?"

"It's a little after 4 am."

This little conversation, a conversation I could have had easily any other time really tired me out. I laid back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. Justyn didn't say anything and just continued to hold my hand.

"Who did this to you?" He finally asked.

I turned and looked at him. "I don't know. I've been trying to remember what happened. I don't know who they were, just that they were big, and strong."

"Did they say anything that might give them away?"

"They didn't say much. But they knew."

"They knew?"

"Yeah, they knew. They knew I like guys."

"What? But how?"

"I don't know. They didn't say much other than ‘We'll show you how we treat fags.'"

He gets a look of abject fear and sickness as though he's going to throw up. "We'll go to the campus cops in the morning."

"NO!" I replied, louder than I wanted to. "I don't want anyone to know." I continued, speaking a little more quietly.

"Oh."

Oh shit, what does that mean? "What?"

"I called your folks."

"You didn't."

"Yeah, I did."

"When? What did you tell them?"

"I called shortly after they brought you in. While they were examining you. They didn't know how bad it was and they wouldn't let me in the room. They figured your parents should know, just in case. They told me to call them and let them know. So I did. I only told them that you had been injured and were at the University hospital. They said they'd come down at some point today."

"Fuck. I can't believe you did that."

"Did what? Care about you enough that I called your parents to let them know that their only child has been injured?"

"I'm not out to my folks Justyn."

"I didn't out you, Tris. I just told them you'd been injured."

"They're gonna figure it out. They're not stupid." No, not my father. He'll see through any story I try to come up with.

"Just tell them it was an attempted mugging."

"It won't work. You don't know my parents." I closed my eyes. "I'm kinda tired. I'm gonna try to get some more sleep." I'm also extremely pissed at you Justyn. I thought you cared about me, but instead you outed me to my parents. I pulled my hand out of his.

He got up off the bed. "Ok." He leaned into kiss me and I couldn't do it. I turned my head away. "I guess I'll talk to you later." He left with just a quick glance back.

Had he stayed a moment or two longer he would have seen the tears streaming down my face.

I must have fallen back to sleep because the next thing I knew my folks had arrived. And they weren't too quiet about it.

"Get up boy," My father practically yelled. I knew there was reason I liked living away from home. I could get up when I wanted and I didn't have to put up with his yelling at me all the time.

"I"m up pop," I replied opening my eyes and turning to face them.

"Don't get fresh with me boy."

"Yes, sir."

"Now what the hell happened to you? Why did you let yourself get beat up?"

"I didn't let myself get beat up pop, I was attacked."

"So why didn't you defend yourself?"

"I tried, but there were four them, maybe five."

"God, what a fucking useless welp you are."

"Don't you think I tried pop? But they jumped me."

"I don't want to hear your excuses, boy. And I don't appreciate being woken up in the middle of the night by your friends. They could have waited until a decent hour of the morning."

"Justyn thought you might want to know that I was in the hospital. The doctor's weren't sure what was going to happen."

"Well, you're obviously fine. I don't know why your mother and I even bothered come down here."

"That much is obvious."

"I told you not to get fresh with me boy."

I just wanted them gone. I'm even surprised they came. It's not like they gave a shit about me anyway. I closed my eyes. "I'm gonna try to get some rest." I didn't bother to open my eyes. I knew my father and I knew he'd probably be glaring at me right about now. After a few seconds of silence I heard him snort and then sound of footsteps on the linoleum floor.

As the door shuts I was surprised to find that I wasn't crying, nor were my eyes even the least bit moist. I guess I'd finally realized that they didn't give a shit about me and it's not worth my effort to try to make it any different.

As I pushed the thoughts of them from my mind, he returned. Justyn. The one person I connected with at this school. The one person who I felt something for. Yeah, I always knew I was different but I didn't do anything about it. Didn't let it out, didn't let it get in the way. I figured out early on that I liked boys over girls, but I knew enough not to let anyone else know that. Nobody figured it out in high school, of that much I'm certain. Of course I didn't date girls either in high school, but that was ok. Everyone knew of my family, knew of what my father thought of me. They didn't blame me for not wanting to subject someone to my father's review. I'm sure they also figured that I didn't want to repeat the mistake my father made in high school when he knocked up my mother. I don't know why they bother to stay married. Neither one of them is happy. And it's not my fault that my birth had complications. My mother was sixteen at the time. With all the partying and shit she was into, it's a wonder I didn't come out more messed up.

Of course, some people, and my parents would probably be included in that group, would say that my being gay was about as messed up as I could get. I could be a serial killer, I could be a drug dealer, I could be almost anything that is destructive or evil but if I was straight, I wouldn't be as bad as being gay.

The speaker overhead crackled and came to life. "Justin Davis to ICU stat. Justin Davis to ICU stat."

Justyn. I had forgotten about Justyn. In my thinking of my past, I almost completely forgot him. He must hate me now. After I yelled at him and sent him away. I was really getting to like him too. I might even love him. I know I could get to love him, but I think I was starting to feel that already. What am I going to do now? He probably never wants to see me again. I leaned back against the pillow and closed my eyes.

* * *

"Well?" Justyn asked.

I knew exactly what he was talking about but decided to string him along. "Well what?" He's so cute when he's frustrated.

"Don't keep my in suspense, how did you do on the test? I heard you got to play so you must have passed." He said, sounding exasperated.

Ok, I guess I've played with him enough. I walk over to my desk and grab the blue test booklet. It was sitting right on top of my desk. He could have seen it when he came in the room. I held it up to him. "I did better than just pass, I got a B plus!"

Justyn broke out in this huge very cute smile. "That's great! I knew you could do it!"

I dropped the booklet back on the desk and walked back over to him. "I owe it all to you." I grabbed him in a hug. I could feel the electricity shooting through my body. My cock started getting hard, harder than it's ever been. Justyn started to pull away. Without even a second though I leaned into him and kissed him.

It took a couple of seconds for the actions of my lips to get processed by my brain, but when they finally did every fiber in my body screamed at me "YOU DID WHAT?" Oh my god, I just kissed him! I kissed Justyn. Fuck, it's all over now. "Oh shit. I'm sorry man. I'm sorry." That's all I can say. He's going to beat the living shit out of me. I gotta get outta here. Psych 101 I guess, fight or flight. I can't hit him, I like him too much, so I guess it's flight. As I pulled away from him I noticed he's got this look of utter disgust on his face. Oh fuck, I've definitely done it now. I dropped my hands to my side and took off out of the dorm room. I've got to get out of here! I ran down the hall, barely avoiding some of the others in the hall. I've got to get out of here! I kissed him! I've got to get out of here! I kissed him! I continued my argument inside my head as I raced down the stairs. I've got to get out of here! I kissed him!

I pushed through the door, almost knocking over the resident assistant for the first floor. "Hey watch it Tristan!" He yells at me as I continued to distance myself from the building.

I didn't bother to answer him as I had to get as far away as I could, as quickly as I could. I can't face him. It's all over now. He's going to tell everyone and I'll get harassed and beaten up and probably worse. I can't believe I was so stupid! How could I do such a thing! But then again, it was awesome, as short as it was. My first kiss. And it was with Justyn!

I suddenly stopped as I realized that I hadn't been thinking about or watching where I was going. I slowly looked around and discovered that I was on the practice football field. It always came back to football. It didn't matter back in high school that I was different, or that my parents didn't love me. The team loved me. The team needed me. I felt like one of the guys when I was on the field. I finished walking across the field to the trees on the side and leaned back against one. The enormity of what happened suddenly came crashing down and I started to cry. My legs gave out and I just slid down the tree and ended up on the ground bawling my eyes out.

I don't know how long I was there for. Minutes? Hours? Days? I don't really know. Time lost all meaning, then I sensed him.

"Tristan?" I heard him call out as he got closer.

"Go away."

"I can't, I won't." He continues to get closer.

"Why?"

"Cause I want to find out what happened."

You want to find out what happened? I'll tell you what happened. For one second I forgot who I was, what I was trying to hide, to protect myself from. "I fucked up, that's what happened."

"Why? Cause you kissed me?"

"Yeah. I thought you might be like me, but after seeing your reaction, I guess not. And now you know about me. And soon everyone will know. I've heard Jay talk. I know what you guys think about gays."

"Why do you assume that what Jay thinks is what I think?"

"Because you guys are identical twins."

"Yeah, so? Just because we look the same doesn't mean we think the same."

I just sit there, not saying anything.

"Why did you assume I'm gay, Tristan?"

"The hug."

"The hug?"

"Yeah, last Saturday night, when you found me out in the west quad. I felt your cock pressing into me when I hugged you. I've liked you since the first minute I saw you Justyn."

"So you did notice."

"Yeah. At first I figured it was just a normal guy thing, or that you were thinking of all the girls at the party. But every time I shook your hand or touched you I got a shock. Something that told me that you were the one for me. Guess that was wrong. Please, Justyn, I beg you. Don't tell anyone about me. I know I can't force you, but please, don't. I've heard the guys on the team talk."

"You don't have to worry Tristan I won't say anything."

I finally looked up at him, the tears still flowing down my cheeks. "Thank you. I'll understand if you want to stop helping me, stop hanging around with me."

He reached down and grab my hands and pulled me to my feet. "Why would I do that?"

"Cause I'm a fag."

"Well, I've already made my decision about that."

Yeah, that's what I figured. "Ok, I'll go then." I started to leave. "Thanks for all the help you've given me so far."

He suddenly reached out with his hand and grabbed my arm. "Tristan, you've not heard my answer."

"I know what it is." You don't want to be around me. I disgust you. You hate me because of something I am, something I can't control. Yeah, I know what you're thinking.

"Do you?" He grabbed the back of my head with his free hand and leaned in and kissed me. My entire body tensed up. What the fuck is he doing? But when I realized he wasn't doing anything else, not punching me, nothing, I started to relax. He then pushed his tongue toward my lips. I parted them slightly and his tongue touches mine. We play tonsil hockey for a few seconds before breaking away. "Does that answer your question?" He asked finally.

I stare at him in disbelief. Oh my fucking god. "You mean?"

"Yes Tristan, I'm gay too. And I've liked you too. Since that day you helped me move into the dorm."

* * *

I woke up suddenly when I felt something squeeze my wrist. It's the doctor, apparently taking my pulse.

"How are you feeling Tristan?"

"Other than being tired of being in bed, I'm fine. When can I go home?"

He let go of my wrist and wrote something on my chart. "Everything looks fine here, let me just check your pupils and I think we can send you on your way." He grabbed his little pen light and shined it both of my eyes, temporarily blinding me. "Yeah, everything looks fine. I'll sign your release. You can get dressed and just check out with the nurses station."

"What about clothes? I don't have any clothes."

"You should." He walked over to the little closet near the bathroom and pulled open the door. "Yeah, here they are. The friend who came in with you brought them." He walks back over to the bed. "Let me just remove your IV and you'll be all set."

All I can say is I'm glad I was unconscious when they put the IV in cause it hurt like hell coming out, I can't imagine what it felt like going in! I thanked the doctor as he left and slowly climbed out of the bed. I pulled my foot back up as the skin hit the cold floor. Well, it wasn't going to get any warmer and I wanted to get out of here. I put down both feet, feeling the cold running through my legs, and walked toward the closet. I could feel the aches all over. I dropped the johnny onto the floor and was now standing buck naked in the room. I grabbed my clothes from the closet and tossed them on the bed. Hey! Free show for anyone who walks in! Come see a 18 year old gay football player naked!

I got the first look at my body as I pulled my boxers on. I was black and blue in several places. And my ribs still hurt. It took me like ten minutes but I finally got dressed. My wallet and my keys were in my pockets. Damnit Justyn, you certainly thought of everything.

After I checked out with the nurses at the nurses station I headed back toward the dorms. The air was cold, but not uncomfortably so. It's hard to believe that the first semester of my college career was almost over. And what a way to end it. Beaten up for being gay. It's not like I advertised it, or flaunted it. Justyn and I were careful. We didn't do anything that would give us away. I run over the all the times we were together in public after we started dating to try to figure out what we did to make it known. By the time I got back to my dorm room I'd been over each situation at least twice and I couldn't see anything. I didn't see anyone in the halls, probably cause it was dinner time. I wasn't really hungry and I didn't feel like dealing with everyone asking me what happened. I decided to do some homework. I let myself into the room and grabbed one of my text books and started studying for my Western Civilization class.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Tom's voice startled me and broke my concentration on what I had been reading. I didn't even hear him come in.

"I live here, remember?"

"I don't want no fucking faggot rooming with me."

Ok, it was obvious he knew about me. Wonder if he was one of the guys who beat me up? I thought I'd play dumb and see how much he knew. "What are you talking about?"

"I know all about your faggot ways. I know you're a fag Tristan and I don't want you living here."

Well so much for that. I really didn't want to get into this but I guess I had to. I shut my history book and got up off the bed. "So what? What does it matter?"

"So you admit you're a cocksucker?"

"I don't admit anything Tom. Why does it matter if I was or I wasn't?"

"Of course it matters. I don't want you touching me. Doing any of your faggot things to me."

"I haven't touched you, Tom. Or have you forgotten that? If I was gay, the fact that I've done nothing to you says you haven't got anything to worry about."

"That don't matter, fag. I don't like changing in here, I don't want you fueling any of your gay fantasies. I know how you fags think."

"Oh do you? Why is that? Because you are one?"

"Fuck off faggot. I'm normal."

"Yeah, so am I."

"Bullshit. You're not normal. If you were normal, you'd like girls."

"I like girls, I just don't treat them like sex objects."

"I don't like fags and I don't want to be living with one."

"So get another room."

"Why should I have to move?"

"Cause you're the one that seems to have a problem."

"I'm not the one with the problem. I'm not the one who likes taking it up the ass."

"I don't know about that. You seem to have something up your ass about whether I'm gay or not."

"It's gross, it's disgusting and I don't want anything to do with."

"Nobody's asked you to do anything Tom. Just leave me the fuck alone."

"I won't leave you alone. You fags all deserve to die."

"What the fuck is your problem? I've never been anything but nice to you and this is how you treat me?"

"This is how I treat all fags."

"Fine, I've had enough of this shit. We've got a week of school left. Tomorrow I'll go down to campus housing and put in for a new room for next semester. Will that make you happy?"

"I don't want you anywhere near me. You make sure you stay away from me."

"Don't worry Tom. Even if you were the last person on the face of the earth, I wouldn't touch you." I sat back down on my bed and grabbed my history book and tuned out my homophobic roommate. The next thing I knew he grabbed his bookbag and stormed out of the room.

A door being slammed down the hall woke me. I shook my head to clear the cobwebs and my history book fell off my chest. I must have fallen asleep while studying. I looked over at the clock on my desk. It's a little after 8am. My class wasn't until 9 on Tuesdays. I looked over at Tom's bed. It was empty. It looked like he didn't come home last night. Good. The less I had to see of that flaming asshole, the better. I stretched and my body protested reminding me that I shouldn't have fallen asleep in the position I was in. I got out of bed and got out of my clothes. I grabbed my bathrobe and toiletries bag and headed down the hall to the bathroom to get ready for the day.

Fortunately for me, the showers were empty. I didn't really feel like having anyone see me like this. Fifteen minutes later, I headed back to my room and got dressed. I grabbed my books and headed out toward the student union to grab a bagel or something for breakfast. I passed a couple of my dorm mates on the way out of the building and they just glared at me. What the fuck was that all about? I would've stopped by to see Justyn but he had an 8:00 class on Tuesday mornings.

I grabbed a bagel at the student union and headed off to my class. I caught a few people starring at me as I headed over to the building. Yes folks, look at the gay boy. Look at the gay boy who got beat up. You too can look like this for something you can't control. I could have sworn I heard a couple of people mutter "fag" under their breath as they passed me.

I arrived at my class a few minutes later, having heard the "fag" comment a few more times. I didn't recognize anyone that said that to me. What's going on? I walked into the classroom and the few people that were there just glared at me. It almost looked like hatred in their eyes, like I had just killed their best friend or their favorite pet or something. What was happening?

I sat down in my usual seat and you could hear the people in the desks near me inch away. And they weren't being discrete about it either. The guys who sat around me that usually talked to me didn't say a word, they didn't even look me in the eye. They just avoided looking at me or looked at me with utter disgust in their eyes. I wanted to scream. I wanted to shout. I wanted to let them know that I'm still the same person I was the last time I was in class. Nothing about me had changed. The only thing that was different was that now people knew I'm gay. That didn't make me a bad person, nor did it make me not worth talking to. It's not something you could catch by talking to someone. But I didn't. I didn't want to cause a scene, to have it turn into something I couldn't control.

Finally after what seemed like a lifetime, the professor came into the room carrying the final exams. "Alright people, settle down." He handed a bunch of exams to the first person in each row. "You have two hours to complete the exam. There will be no talking. If you have a question, come up to the front. One person at a time. And don't forget. This counts for sixty percent of your final grade. Good luck."

When I finally got my exam and got a look at it my mind went blank, and I think I started to panic. I finally was able to steady my breathing and began to remember the stuff that Justyn taught me, and all the studying we did together. I ended up taking until the professor announced that only five minutes remained. I didn't bother to check anything over cause I'd end up second guessing myself and probably make more answers wrong. I grabbed my exam and my other stuff and got up to leave. There were a few people still left. I dropped the exam off on the professor's desk and I walked out of the classroom. A couple of the guys from the class were hanging around outside.

"Hey fag," one of them, Aaron, started talking as I walked by. "You gonna blow the prof for a better grade?"

I stopped and turned faced him. "Fuck off Aaron. I can pass the class without having to sleep with the teacher, unlike someone else I know."

"Oooh big man." He grabbed his crotch. "How about you giving me a blow job."

I start to walk away. "Nah, that's ok. I prefer to stay within my own species."

"Fuck off Murphy! You've not heard the last of me!" He fortunately didn't bother to follow me, for which I was secretly glad. I probably could have taken him by himself but I knew I'm not that good with more than two. The cuts and bruises on my body could attest to that. I left the building and headed back to the dorms.

At least I was done with classes for the day. Just two more finals and I was done for the semester. I couldn't wait to be done with school. Then I could get out of here. I had to go to the Resident Life office and to see about getting transferred to another dorm. Hopefully my scholarship would cover room and board for a single, although I didn't cherish the thought have having to tell them why. I had a feeling if I just told them that my roommate and I didn't get along that they'd stick me with someone else, and that person would probably be just as bad. I couldn't afford to get an apartment off campus, that's for sure. The scholarship only paid for room and board at school, it didn't include rent for apartments and I couldn't work the number of hours per week needed to make the rent and still pass my classes! God this sucked!

Nobody was in the hall when I got back to my floor, which was a good thing. I was really tired of the all the comments and insults. So I'm gay. So fucking what? It's not like I walked around trying to get into everyone's pants. There was only one person whose pants I wanted to get into. And that's Justyn's. I really should talk to him, let him know that I'm not really mad at him. He did what he thought was right. I stopped at his door and knocked. No answer. I knocked again, a little louder. Still no answer. Fuck, he must be in class, or at the library studying. Ok, I'll try him later. I headed down the hall to my dorm room and unlocked the door. I opened the door and my mouth dropped.