---

Cam still talks quietly. "Yeah. I'm gay too."

"Holy shit Batman. Why didn't you ever say anything?"

"For the exact same reasons you didn't. Not knowing how you'd react. Not wanting to get beaten up. And probably all the same other reasons you didn't say anything either."

My mind is still spinning from Cam's revelation. All the years growing up I never noticed, never figured it out. Of course, I was too busy trying to make sure I didn't give myself away, that I wasn't noticeable, so of course I wouldn't see it. "How long have you known?" I ask finally.

"I figured it out in Junior High. About the time the guys started noticing the girls and I didn't, it got me thinking. I felt something but I couldn't really identify it. It's stayed with me since then. I kept hoping that I was just late, but when senior year of high school came around and I still wasn't interested in girls other than friendship, I finally accepted that I'm gay." He grabs his wallet from his jacket pocket. "You wanna get outta here and go somewhere and talk?"

I grab my wallet out of my jeans. "Yeah, that sounds like a good idea." We each throw a ten on the table and get up and leave. "Where did you park?" I ask as we exit the restaurant.

"Actually I don't have my car with me. D needed it so he dropped me off. I figured you could give me a ride home."

"Not a problem, bro." We get into my car and I head off down the street. A couple of minutes later I pull into the park in town and stop at one of the parking areas. I shut the engine off and turn to face my best friend.

"So how long have you and D been going out?"

"A couple of weeks after this whole thing with his folks and Jay went down."

"How did it happen?"

"Well, after Jay tossed D out of the car, he called me. He would have called you but figured that you'd be the same as Jay. He called me in tears. I came and picked him up and we came here and talked. He told me everything. We probably talked for five or six hours. It was during that talk that I finally identified what I had been feeling since Junior High."

"What was it?"

"Love."

"Love?"

"Yeah, love. Love for Derrick."

"What about me? I'm your best friend."

"Yes, and I love you too. Don't get me wrong, I've always loved you, but it's a brotherly love. You're more than my best friend Jus, you're the brother I never had. I've never felt anything more than just brotherly love and friendship for you. Same with Jay, although now that I know how he feels about us, I doubt I can stand to be around him. But Derrick, that's something different. I guess I've always loved him, but on a subconscious level. I never figured he was like me, so he couldn't return the feelings so I didn't identify them as such. But that evening, after finding out that he was like me, and that he liked me as more than just a friend too."

"Wow. I never knew."

"Yeah, me either, until that night. It just kinda hit me all of a sudden. It's like a light went on. My brain suddenly woke up and said ‘Hey, I love Derrick'."

"That's great. I'm really happy for you, and for D."

"What about you? When did you know?"

"Know that you were gay?" I look at my watch. "About an hour ago."

"Very funny wiseass. I mean, when did you know you were gay?"

I smile. "Around the same time as you."

"What about Suzy?"

"What about her?"

"Why did you go out with her if you're gay?"

"Why do any gay guys go out with women? So people wouldn't suspect. Plus I figured Jay's always going out with girls, I better too, otherwise it might look suspicious."

"Did you guys ever..."

"Oh no! No I was a perfect gentleman. I never once pressured her to have sex."

"So she wouldn't put out huh?"

"Ha Ha asswipe. Oh she put out all right, just not with me. Now her girlfriend on the other hand..."

"Girlfriend?"

"Yeah. She's a dyke."

"Really? No shit!"

"Yeah, really. No shit. She told me right off that she was looking for someone to call her boyfriend so that her parents wouldn't catch on. I figured what the hell. I'm gay, so it's not like I'll want to sleep with her anyway, and plus it helps me to maintain that straight image anyway."

"Wow. Did you ever tell her you are gay?"

"No. I wasn't ready to come out to her or to anyone. Plus she didn't care anyway I don't think."

"What about all those dates you guys went on?"

"Oh those? Yeah, our dates. I'd pick her up and we'd go to the movies and she'd meet up with her girlfriend and go to a different movie. It was a little boring but I got to see a lot of free movies."

"Free?"

"Yeah, she paid for my movie since I was being such a good sport."

"Wow. Now what about you? Are you seeing anyone?"

"Yeah, I am."

"That's great. What's his name? How did you meet? Tell me everything!"

I spend the next twenty minutes telling him all about Tristan, and as a result of that, about Bastian too. I'll have to call him and let him know that Cam now knows.

"So Bastian's gay too?"

"Yeah, can you believe it?"

"So is that why he suddenly left?"

"Yup. Hey, do you mind if I tell him about you and D?"

"Let me check with D, but I don't think that'll be a problem. Speaking of D, you wanna do something with us on Friday?"

"Sure. That sounds cool."

I look at the clock on the dash. "I should be getting back."

"Yeah, me too. D's probably wondering where I am."

I start up the car and pull back out onto the roadway. "Have you told your mom?"

"Yeah, I kinda had to. With everything that went on with Derrick and all."

"How'd she take it?"

"Fine. She had no problem with it. My mother told me that one of her college roommates is a lesbian. She and my father used to double date with her and her girlfriend all the time."

"Wow, that's so cool."

"I take it you haven't told your parents?"

"No, I haven't. And considering how they treated Bas, I don't think I will."

"I think that makes a lot of sense." I pull into Cam's driveway. His car is there, and his mother's too. He climbs out of the passenger side and we confirm plans for Friday. It only takes me a few minutes to get home from his house. The folks have gone to bed so I grab a couple of cookies and a glass of milk from the kitchen and head upstairs to my bedroom.

I turn on the TV and watch the news while eating the cookies. It doesn't take long after I finish them before I'm asleep.

* * *

I'm throwing in my second load into the dryer when my phone rings. I race back upstairs and grab it on the third ring.

"Hello?"

"Hey bro."

"Hey Cam. Nice to see you finally dragged your skinny ass out of bed."

"Skinny? Skinny? I'll have you know I have one of the finest pieces of ass in this entire state, if not country!"

"Yeah, yeah, save it for your boyfriend."

"Ha, ha. You busy?"

"Nah, just finishing putting laundry in the dryer. What are you guys up to?"

"Not much. You still want to get together? Maybe do lunch and a movie?"

"That sounds cool. What time?"

"You wanna come over here around one and we'll figure out what to see and when?"

"Yeah, sounds good. See you then."

"Later bro," he says and hangs up.

* * *

Pulling into Cam's driveway all I can see is his car. His mom must be working. She's always working, but when you're the only one to provide for your family, you have to. I park behind his car and get out. The wind suddenly blows and the cold cuts through my sweatshirt and gives me a chill. I shut the door and walk quickly to the house. Ringing the door bell I enter. I can hear music coming from upstairs so I head up. Cam's door is open so I knock and enter.

"Hey bro," I say as I enter.

"Hey," he replies back. Cam is sitting on his bed in sweats.

I look around the room, it's just us. "Where's D?"

"I'm right behind you."

I turn to face the voice from behind. "Hey bro, how's it going?"

"It's going well. Better than it was."

"I can understand that." Derrick scoots past me and heads over to the bed. Like Cam, he's only dressed in sweats. He climbs onto the bed and sits beside Cam.

"Cam tells me that you're one of us."

"Yeah, I guess I am."

"That surprises the hell out of me. Especially after what happened between me and Jay."

I move into the room and sit down in the chair at the desk. "No one is more surprised by his reaction then me."

"Have you told him about you?"

"No. And I don't plan to."

Derrick looks a little surprised at me. "No?"

"No. Not after what he did to you and what he's said on the subject. Maybe once we're done with school, but for now, since I'm living with him, and will be for the next four years probably. As for my folks, definitely not until I'm out on my own."

Cam takes Derrick's hand. "I remember what happened with Bas. Now we know why."

"Yup," I say. "Based on that, no way."

"What about you though," Derrick asks. "Will you be able to survive the next four years being in the closet?"

"I've done so for the last four years, I think I can manage another four."

Derrick looks down to his lap. "I just couldn't do it."

"I know D," I say getting up from the chair and head over to the bed. I sit down on the other side of him and take his other hand. "And it takes guts to do what you did, even if you didn't know how it would turn out. You're a lot stronger than I am, I'd say. I hate the idea of hiding, but I'm afraid. Afraid of what will happen to Bastian if I do come out."

"Why would anything happen to Bastian?"

I look at Cam. He stares back at me. "You didn't tell him?"

"No. I didn't think it was my place to go into that."

Derrick looks between us. "What will happened to Bas?"

I get more comfortable in the bed, leaning up against the headboard and close my eyes. "Apparently when Bastian told the folks two years ago, he also wanted to tell us. He wanted to come clean to the family. My father forbade him. He told him that he'd call the cops on him and have him arrested for child molestation if he did that. Dear old dad seems to think that being gay is a choice, and so if I was to tell them I'm gay, he'd assume that Bastian told me and that I decided I wanted to be like him. He'd probably still call the cops."

"But you're 18."

"Doesn't matter. I'm sure he'd tell them that he just found out about it and that it must have been happening for a while. I'm sure the statute of limitations is longer than a year."

"And we all know how this state feels about gays," Cam pipes in.

No one says anything for a few minutes. I don't know about them but I think about all the stuff that's been in the news over the years about gay bashing and the other hate crimes that I've heard about since I realized I was gay.

"So, Derrick, how long have you known?" I ask finally, breaking the silence. "If you don't mind me asking."

"No, I don't mind. It's kinda therapeutic to talk about it, you know?"

Cam and I both nod our heads.

"I've had these feels for as long as I can remember. I've always been more interested in guys than in girls. I never knew what it was back then, but it was there. My earliest memory is when I was like six years old. There was this older boy, Ted, who lived a couple of houses up the street. We were playing together one day, and we got into a "I'll show you mine if you show me yours" type situation and I remember how much I wanted to see it. We both got naked and stayed naked for a long time. I just remember how much I was staring at it. It was so much bigger than mine."

"Ted? I don't remember any Ted."

"He moved shortly after that. No, I never introduced him to you. He wasn't around too much."

"Did you guys do anything further?"

"No, never did. That was it. I just wanted to see it. I didn't have any clue about sex and what to do with a penis. Other than pee of course. After Ted moved away, I didn't get a chance again, until high school. But by then I knew what I was. I didn't dare play that game with anyone, lest they find out about me. I had to get my look at other dicks in the locker room, after gym, practices or after a game. I've read all this stuff on the web, but until Cam, I've never gotten a chance to do anything about it. What about you Jus?"

I stretch back in the chair and I tell Derrick my story.

"So Jay's not gay huh?" He asks.

"No, I don't think so, otherwise he's doing a lot more to hide it then I ever have."

Cam gets up off the bed. "I don't know about you two, but I'm getting hungry. Let's go get some food?"

Derrick gets up as well and stretches. "That sounds good to me."

I stand up as well. "Yeah, food." We head out the door and leave Cam's to go find some lunch.

* * *

The break from school certainly didn't last long. It seems like I was just heading back to my parent's house and now I'm heading back to school. Of course, I'm coming back on Saturday instead of Sunday like everyone else, but I wanted to. I didn't tell my folks the real reason I'm heading back to school early. I hated to lie to them but considering what their reaction would have been if I told them I was heading back to see my boyfriend I figured it would be safer just to say that I've got a lot of projects to get done before the end of school and I could use the extra time in the library on Sunday.

I grab another cookie from the bag on the seat next to me. They're still a little warm and the smell of them fills the car. I just have to remember to save some for Jay, but it'll be a battle. They are so good!

After an hour and a half and probably a dozen or so cookies I need something to drink. I pull off the highway and stop at a local fast food place for a pit stop and a soda. I put the cookies in the trunk, figuring I can't eat them that way! Pulling back onto the highway, I figure I'm about half way to school. So another hour and a half and I should be there.

It's already dark by the time I get back to campus. The student parking lot is almost empty so I have no problems finding a spot close to the dorm. I park the car and grab my stuff out the trunk and head up to the room. The building is eerily quiet as I head toward my room. No loud music, no loud students. It's as though I'm the only one here. And with the exception of Tristan and a few others, I probably am. I drop the stuff on my bed and head into the bathroom. After finishing up in there, I head over to Tristan's room. I knock on the door but there's no answer. He must be out at dinner or something. Oh well, I'll try back later. I scribble a note on the pad outside his door telling him I'm back.

I head back to my room and tackle the bag full of clothes that I washed. I don't remember washing these many clothes, let alone wearing them. Guess I should do wash more often huh? After finishing up the wash and having a couple of more cookies, I grab my book and sit down on the bed to read. Hopefully Tristan will call soon.

A loud banging on the door awakens me. I look over at the clock. It's a little after 11. I must have fallen asleep reading. I hear a dull thud against the door. I adjust my glasses and put my book down and go to the door. I look out the peep hole but don't see anything but the hallway. Just in case someone left a note on the door or something I open it.

Tristan's body falls into my room, the door no longer supporting his weight. His sweatshirt is ripped and bloody. His left eye is swollen shut and his right eye isn't much better off. His jeans are torn and scratches can be seen on his exposed flesh. I grab him as he falls.

"TRISTAN!" I scream out as his dead weight causes us both to fall to the floor.