---

I spit out the orange juice I had been drinking. "What?"

Bastian stops walking. "I just want to know if you love him. It's obvious that he loves you."

I just stare at him. Oh shit, he knows. I don't know how he knows. My eyes start to water. He's going to hate me. My knees give out and I drop to the ground.

Bastian comes over to me and pulls me up. "It's ok Justyn, it's ok."

"No, it's not ok. You're going to hate me now."

Bastian pulls me into a hug. "No, I'm not going to hate you. You're my brother and I love you. Why would I hate you?"

"Because..." I start between sobs. "...cause I'm gay," I finally manage to spit out.

Bastian looks at me for a few seconds. "Well then, that would make me a hypocrite. I'm gay too."

My breath catches in my throat. I finally manage to croak out a "What?"

"Yeah, me too. I know what you're going through." He looks around us. "Let's go find some place quiet and talk."

I wipe my eyes. "Yeah, that would be good. Let's go back to the café. It's large and we should be able to find a table alone."

We walk back to the café in silence and find a table away from the few other students that are there.

"How did you know?" I ask as we sit down.

"It's not that hard to see when you know what to look for."

"Am I that obvious?"

"No, you're not. My gaydar was going off..."

"Gaydar?"

"Yeah, gay radar. A lot of gays believe we've got the ability to sense each other out, a sort of radar. I kinda got that feeling from you and then I saw the way you and Tristan talked a lot to just each other, and how you stood a little closer to each other than just friends would."

"How long have you had this feeling?"

"A while, but I didn't want to say anything cause I wasn't sure, and not being out myself, I didn't want to call any attention on to me. Plus what if I was wrong? You would have hated me."

"I wouldn't have hated you Bas. I probably would have felt relieved. As I'm sure you know it was hard to grow up feeling like this. I didn't have anyone to talk to, anyone to let the real me out with."

"Does anyone else know?"

"Nope, just you and Tristan."

"You've not told Jay?"

"No, and I don't plan to."

"Can I ask why?"

"Cause he's incredibly homophobic, apparently. I found that out the day I moved down here. Apparently Derrick is gay and came out to him and now he can't stand him. Eighteen years of friendship and Jay just tosses it away."

"Oh god. Well, I'm not going to say anything to him."

"Thank you."

"So you and Tristan are an item?"

"Yeah. Since last week."

"How?"

"He took a chance."

"A chance?"

"Yeah. I'm helping him with his classes cause he's having trouble. So last week he had his first test after I started tutoring him and he passed. He was ecstatic. When he told me he got a B, I was happy for him too. Then he just kissed me. It caught me by surprise, I'll tell you. He took that surprise as disgust and took off. I finally found him out on the practice field. He begged me not to say anything about it to anyone. He apologized for it too. He thought I was straight and that I would hate him for it. I showed him by initiating another kiss."

"Wow. I'm so happy for you."

"What about you? Do you have a boyfriend?"

Bastian's face lights up. "Yeah. My roommate Kevyn."

"How did you guys meet?"

Bastian pushes back his chair and stretches. "We met at a karate class. I decided to take a self defense course when I got to college last year, cause I want to be able to defend myself if I run into some asshole who's got a problem with me being gay. I was stretching before the first class, a class full of older folks and some women. There were a couple of younger kids there but no one our age. Then he walked in and that was it. It was love at first sight for me."

"Was it love at first sight for him too?"

"Yes and no. It's not my place to tell you about his background or his history, he'll tell you, when he's ready. It took a few months but he finally agreed to go out with me and we've been together ever since. At the end of the school year I moved in with him."

I look down at my lap. "So that's why you didn't move back home."

"Yeah, partly."

A thought suddenly hits me. "Is that why you left that night and why you weren't around much? Did you come out to mom & dad?"

"Yeah, I did. I couldn't handle it any more. I couldn't stand hiding who I was. I told Marc earlier in the year and he seemed ok with it but I've not talked to him in a long time. Honestly I don't think he's comfortable with it. Dad called me every name in the book, and a few I'd never heard. Mom didn't say much but she cried a lot."

"What about us? Why didn't you tell us?"

"Cause I was forbidden to. Dad told me I couldn't tell you or he'd call the cops and have me arrested for molesting you guys."

My face flushes red with anger. "WHAT?" I pratically yell. "He didn't!" I lower my voice a bit.

"Yeah. He said he didn't want me around you guys. He didn't want me to corrupt you, to turn you into "cocksucking faggots" like I was. Needless to say I couldn't hang around there."

"Well, I guess I know how they'll react when I tell them."

"Are you thinking about it?"

"I was a little bit, but now I don't know."

"It's up to you, but you should really think about it before making any decisions."

"Oh, I will, believe me I will."

"Tristan is a cutie."

"Yeah, I know. I've liked him since I first met him."

Bastian looks at his watch. "I really should be getting back. I've got a lot of homework to do before class tomorrow. Plus I have to do laundry."

"Yeah, I should get some studying done as well."

We both get up and stretch and head out to Bastian's car. "Do you have my numbers?"

"I don't, but Jay might."

"Well, let me give them to you, so you'll have them too. And my email address."

"Ok."

He pulls out a piece of paper from his car and scribbles on it for a few seconds. "I've always got my cell phone on me, so that's the easiest way to reach me. You and Tristan will have to come visit us. I can't wait for you to meet Kevyn. I know you'll like him."

"I'm sure I will big brother."

He sits down in his car. "I still can't believe it."

"Can't believe what?"

"That you're like me. I never thought I'd be able to tell you, make you understand what it's like to be this way. But you already know. If you talk to mom & dad, don't say anything about me telling you, ok?"

"I won't, don't worry."

He pulls his door shut and rolls down his window. "I'm so glad I came out to see you guys. I've really missed you."

"I've missed you too. And I know that Jay's really misses you."

He starts his car up. "Keep in touch and call me if you need anything. No matter what or when, ok?"

"Ok, I will. Say hi to Kevyn for me."

"I will. Say bye to Jay and Tristan."

"I will." And with that he put his car in gear and left.

* * *

Apparently since the daylight hours were getting less, the professors decided that we needed more homework. The week after Bastian left found me studying every night until midnight and up again at six the next morning for more studying. Tristan and I were able to spend time together but only in the library to work on homework. We didn't have much "alone" time together. Don't get me wrong, I love spending time with him, even if we're just doing homework, but I am, and I'm sure he is too, hoping to spend some quiet "get to know each other better" time.

Finally Friday afternoon rolls around and we decide to take a much needed break from studying and go to the movies.

"What's even out?" I ask him, lying on my stomach on his bed. He's sitting at his computer, searching online for movies.

"I don't know. I want to check something though. Give me a second."

"Ok." I look around the room. "Tom leave for the weekend yet?"

"Not yet. He's in class till 5."

"Poor guy. I'd hate to have a late class on Fridays."

"Yeah me too." He clicks the mouse a few times and falls quiet. "Here it is!" he says triumphantly a few minutes later. "I knew I saw something."

"What is it?"

"You wanna head up to Abline for the movies?"

"Abline?" I ask getting up off the bed. "That's like an hour and half north of here."

"Yeah."

"There's nothing around here you wanna see?"

"But this theater shows gay movies."

"Like porn movies?"

"No you horndog, not porn, independent films, alternative lifestyle films. Gay cinema."

"How did you find this place?"

"I was surfing around some of the different websites and I found one that listed gay cinemas by state so I looked for ones here. And they listed this one."

"What's playing?"

"They've got two movies, one lesbian flick called ‘Different for Girls' and this one, called ‘The Edge of Seventeen'. Oh he's cute. We should go see this."

I get up off the bed and come over to the computer. I put my hands on his shoulders and lean down so my head is next to his and look at the computer screen. "Oh yeah, he's a real cutie. You figure out how to get there and I'll drive."

Tristan looks over at me and gives me a kiss on the cheek. "Deal."

* * *

A half hour later we're on the road to Abline. The show doesn't start till seven, but since we're not exactly sure where we're going we decide to head up a little early, and figure we'll get something to eat for dinner there too. This is the first real chance we've had to be alone and to talk about stuff other than school.

"Bastian seemed really nice," Tristan said as I pulled onto the highway.

"Yeah, he's cool. I'm so glad he came down."

"He's kinda cute too."

"Of course he's cute. He's my brother. But you better not get any designs on him!"

"Nah, I've got the one I want."

"He said you're cute too."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. He knows about us."

Tristan turns to look at me. "You told him? I though you said you wanted to keep this between us!"

"I do, but I couldn't keep it from him."

"I can't believe you told him."

"I didn't have much choice Tris. I can't lie to him, and I couldn't not tell him. Besides, it's not like I said to him ‘Oh by the way, I'm gay and Tristan and I are dating.' When he was getting ready to leave Sunday he asked me. He stopped me dead in my tracking by asking me if I love you."

Tristan's look of anger turned to surprise. "He did?"

"Yeah."

Tristan looks like he's thinking. "I don't remember us doing anything that would give us away."

"We didn't, really. He said we stood a little closer together than two straight guys would. But it's not just that. He also is more tuned to it."

"Tuned to it? Why? Is he gay?"

"Yeah."

"Holy shit! He is?"

"Yeah. Remember how I told you about his suddenly staying away and being busy and not around much?"

"Yeah."

"Well, he told our folks. Apparently they're not too pleased with it."

"Oh, that sucks."

"Yeah. He wants us to come visit him and his boyfriend sometime."

"That's cool. Did he tell Jay?"

"No. And he doesn't plan on it. After what I told him about Jay's views."

"I'm afraid of his views too."

"Yeah, me too. I can't believe my own brother would be that way."

* * *

After an hour and a half of driving and a couple of wrong turns once we got in Abline, we finally find the theater. I park the car and we walk around to explore the area. The movie theater is in an open shopping type area. The parking area is on the edge of the area and no cars are allowed down between the stores. The road, or what used to be a road is now a pedestrian walkway and done in brick. There are a lot of little trendy type shops and a few bars and restaurants. We've still got almost 2 hours till the movie so we do a little window shopping before getting something to eat.

* * *

"So what did you think of the movie?" Tristan asks me as we get back into my car for the trip back to campus.

"I liked it. It was so cool to finally see some gay people who weren't the typical stereotypes that Hollywood is always pushing."

"Yeah."

We ride in silence for a little bit.

Tristan's hand reaches over to find mine. "This was fun. We should do it more often." He squeezes my hand.

"Definitely. I just wish it wasn't so far away."

"Me too. But I feel safer this way. I'm not ready to come out on campus and I think it would be harder to not be seen going to the movies if it was in town."

"Are you ashamed of being gay?"

Tristan doesn't say anything for a minute. "No, I'm not ashamed, but I'm not ready to declare it either. It's my business..."

"Our business."

"Ok, our business. Who I date, who I sleep with, is my business. Whether it's a guy or a girl, it's my life. Are you ashamed?"

"Of being gay? No, not in the least."

"What about of me?"

"No I'm not ashamed of you. I feel the same way. I hurt every time I read about some poor kid who get's beaten up for being gay, or because someone thinks is gay, or who gets killed or kills themself. The only thing I'm ashamed of is having to hide because of how society is."

Tristan squeezes my hand. "Yeah."

"Thanksgiving is next week. You going home?"

"Can't. We've got a big game. Besides, the old man will be sitting there, all day watching football and drinking. My mother will head to her sisters to escape. We've not done a family thanksgiving in years."

"Oh that's right. Guess that means Jay won't be going home either. So what will you do?"

"I dunno. I vaguely remember the coach saying something about the school doing a dinner for us after the game. What about you? You going home?"

"Yeah. Mom will do the usual big dinner even though it's just the three of us. Dad and Jay usually watch football before and after dinner, but I guess he'll be by himself this time. I'll help mom, of course, being the good son. I'll see if Cam's around. Maybe we'll get together."

"That sounds cool."

"Yeah. I've not talked to him since August."

"I have a feeling it's going to be dead on campus."

I nod my head as we continue down the highway back to school. The rest of our conversation is just chit-chat and we soon arrive back on campus.

"You wanna spend the night?" Tristan asks as I pull into a parking space.

"What about Tom?"

"He's gone home for the weekend, again, remember?"

"Oh yeah. I'd love to spend the night."

"Cool!"

We head upstairs to his dorm room. I don't bother to go back to mine, just in case Jay is there. I don't want to have to explain to him that I won't be back home tonight and have him try to find out who I'm with. Tristan opens the door to his room and we enter. His lips are on mine as soon as the door shuts. His lips taste warm. We stand there kissing for a few minutes before we bother to take off our coats.

We move over to the bed and kiss some more. I take my left hand and place it onto Tristan's chest. I can feel his muscles under the t-shirt. His hand starts to roam over my chest as well. Running my hand over his chest, I can feel his heart beating as fast as mine is. I move my hand down towards his crotch. He pauses his hand movements for a second.

"What's the matter?"

"Nothing. I've just never done this before."

"Me either."

"No, I mean, I've never done this before. With either a guy or a girl."

"Oh. Do you not want to?"

"No! I do!" He takes a deep breath. "I mean I do," he continues, a little more quietly. "You just caught me by surprise, that's all."

"I've never done it before with anyone either, Tris."

"So what do we do?"

"Whatever we want, whatever feels good." With that, Tristan leans in again and starts to kiss me. We take our time, kissing long and slowly. My hands resume the touching of his body. After a few minutes of roaming, I reach down to his waist and grab his t-shirt on both sides and start to tug it out of his jeans. He shifts his weight to allow the shirt to rise. We break our kissing long enough for him to raise his arms and me to pull the shirt off of him. I toss it onto the floor and get my first look at his bare chest. He looks even better than I thought. He's partial to loose fitting clothing so the t-shirt doesn't do his upper body justice. His pecs are well defined and each hold a quarter sized dark nipple. He's got a small patch of hair on his chest that leads a thin trail down to his abdomen. The hair goes between his six pack abs before disappearing into his jeans. I lean back into kiss him again and place my left hand back onto his chest. I thought the electricity was strong touching him through his clothes. It's ten times stronger with direct skin contact. He lets out a low moan as I play with his left nipple. I start kissing other parts of his face, moving across his cheek to his ear lobe. I suck and lightly bite his ear lobe (No Mike Tyson here!) before moving down his neck. He lets out soft groans as I head down his chest. I push him back on his bed and reposition myself near the head of his bed.

I continue to kiss down his chest and come to his left nipple. He lets out a louder groan as my tongue flicks across the hardened tip. He places his hands on my head as I start sucking on the nipple. I suck on that one for a couple of minutes before moving across his chest to the right one. He continues to groan as I suck on the right one, same as the left. I move down to his abs with my kissing and spend a few minutes kissing each ab. He continues to run his hands through my hair. My hands move to the front of his jeans and I can feel his erection straining behind the denim. I continue to kiss his abs as I slowly unbutton his jeans. He lifts his lower half as I tug on his jeans, pulling them free from his body. He kicks them the rest of the way off as I view him in his boxers for the first time. His arousal at my actions is obvious. The fabric of his boxers is straining trying to contain his hard cock. A large wet spot covers a good portion of the fly area. I lean down to his crotch and take a strong sniff, smelling another guy's crotch area for the first time.

I flick my tongue out and tentatively touch the pre-cum soaked fabric. I bring my tongue back in my mouth. I'm greeted with a slightly salty taste. I start to lick more, enjoying the taste. I lick and kiss the front of his boxers as Tristan continues to groan. Again he lifts his hips as I pull his boxers off, freeing his cock. I start kissing his inner thigh, first on his left then on his right side before moving on to his balls. I take one of his balls into my mouth and play with it on my tongue before releasing it and moving on to the other one. He continues to groan as I do this. I release the other testicle and run my tongue up the shaft of his cock. He shudders and releases a louder moan as I circle the head of his cock with my tongue. I taste the copious amounts of pre-cum his cock is producing as I do this. His hands come back to my head as he pushes my head gently down. I get his message and take his cock into my mouth. The feeling is incredible. I run my tongue around his cock and move up and down with my mouth. Tristan is enjoying this as much as I am if the moans and groans coming from him are any indication. I work his cock as much as I can with my tongue and mouth but I can tell that it's getting to be too much for Tris. His groans are getting shorter, along with his breath. All of a sudden my work is rewarded as he shoots volley after volley of cum into my mouth. I swallow some and keep some in my mouth, savoring the taste. After a half dozen strong shots, he subsides and he lets out a heavy breath. I move up his body and we kiss, sharing his fluids.

"Wow!" he exclaims as we break apart. "That was incredible."

"So I take it you liked it?"

"Oh yeah, did I ever! Where did you learn to do that?"

"I just thought about what I'd like done to me, and stuff I read about online."

"Wow. I never thought it would be that good." He grins at me. He pushes me back, so I'm lying with my head on his pillow. He straddles my waist and leans down and kisses me. He continues to kiss me as his hands roam over my upper body. I lift my upper body up off the bed a little bit to help him remove my shirt. Once that's removed he goes back to kissing me and moves down my body, covering my skin in little kisses. A strong jolt of electricity goes through me when he hit my nipple.

"Wow!" is all I can manage to say as he starts to suck and nibble on it. No wonder he liked it so much! After exploring my upper body he scoots down and undoes my jeans. Again I help him out by lifting my body as he removes them, leaving me in just my underwear, my cock straining against the fabric, trying to get free. Like me, he plays with my erection through the fabric of my underwear and samples the pre-cum that's stained the fly area. He comes back up my body and we share my pre-cum in several deep long kisses. He moved back down to my crotch and removed the undies and my cock slaps back up against my stomach with a loud thwap. He gives my cock a quick lick up the shaft before moving down to my inner thighs. I spread my legs a little to give him more room as he continues toward my crotch. He takes each of my balls in his mouth, rolling them around with his tongue for several minutes before moving up to my cock.

The electric jolt I felt from his sucking on my nipples was strong, but that was nothing like the feelings I'm getting now that he's taken my cock into his mouth. The feelings are incredible as he moves up and down the shaft. I think you could set off a bomb next to me and I wouldn't hear it cause of the feelings. All I can hear is the sounds of his mouth on my cock, my breathing and my rapid heart rate. Too soon I get the familiar feeling in my balls, telling me that an explosion is imminent. "Tris, I'm gonna..." I cry out just before all hell breaks loose and my cock launches it's assault on Tristan's mouth. I continue to shoot, never having done this many before. Finally the fireworks and explosions stop and my heart starts to slow down. Tristan moves back up my body and we share some kisses, this time passing my juice between us.

"You liked?" Tristan pulls out of our kiss and snuggles up next to me.

"What was the word you used? Wow? I think that might be a good start."

"Yeah."

"They say it's better to give than to receive, but I don't know about that."

"Yeah, me too. I loved giving it to you, but I loved receiving it too."

We continue to make small talk until we fall asleep in each others arms.

* * *

Finally! Thanksgiving break! 4 whole days of no classes! Too bad that doesn't mean no homework though. I head back to the dorms to get my stuff together to leave for home. Maybe Jay will be there. I've not seen much of him in the last couple of days. Things must be serious between him and what's her name. M something. Maybe she's really head of the British secret service and just known as ‘M'. Hey, it could happen.

I go to put my key in the door and I notice that it's open. Cautiously I open the door to find Jay sitting on his bed.

"Hey stranger," I say to him as I close the door behind me.

"Hey bro. How they hanging?"

"Low and heavy, thank you very much."

Jay chuckles. "I tell you man, Monica's got some cute friends. I'm sure she could hook you up easy."

"Nah, that's ok. I'm all set for now."

"You sure?"

"Yeah." I put my backpack on the bed and grab my duffle bag out from under it. I grab my dirty clothes and start to stuff them in. Hey, might as well make use of the laundry facilities!

"You leaving soon?"

"Yeah. I don't want to get home too late. Too bad you can't come home. Would make the ride home more fun."

"It does suck, missing mom's cooking, but I've got a game tomorrow."

"What about a turkey dinner?"

"The coach says that dining services will have a meal for us."

"Great. Processed turkey. Or something alleging to be turkey."

"Tell me about it."

"You and Tristan gonna hang out?"

"Nah, I'm not going to be around for dinner or for the rest of the weekend."

"No?"

"Nah. Monica's asked me to come home to meet her family."

"Wow! That sound serious."

"Yeah, I guess it is. I figure we'll head to her house after the game and I'll spend the weekend."

I finish stuffing the clothes in my bag. "Cool." I grab my backpack and put my other books that I'll need for homework into it. I close the backpack and grab my duffle bag. "Well, I'm going to get going. I wanna get home before it gets too late."

"Have a great time bro."

"Yeah, too you. Good luck with the game."

"Thanks." I head out the door and down the hall. I stop at Tristan's room and knock.

"Yeah?" Tom asks opening the door.

"Hey Tom, Tristan here?"

"No. He didn't come back from class yet."

"Oh, ok. Thanks. Happy Thanksgiving."

"You too." He shuts the door. This sucks. I was hoping to see him before I leave. Oh well. He's got my cell number. He can always call me. And I can call him. I pick up my duffle bag and head out to my car. As I approach my car, I can see Tristan standing near it.

"Hey bro," He says as I get closer.

"Hey buddy," I reply putting my duffle bag down. I open the trunk and Tristan grabs my duffle bag and puts it in. I drop my backpack in the compartment and shut the trunk.

"I'm gonna miss you."

"Me too. I wish you could come with me."

"Me too. Or we could go away somewhere."

"That would be cool." I open the driver's door and get in the car.

"When are you going to be back?"

"Probably Sunday afternoon. Don't want to get back too late."

"Could you come back Saturday?"

"Will the dorms be open?"

"They should be. There are a bunch of guys staying on campus over the weekend."

"Yeah, I'll see what I can do." I start the car. "You've got my cell number, right?"

He reaches around and pats his ass. "Yeah right in my wallet."

"Call me."

"I will. Drive carefully." He reaches in and puts a hand on my shoulder. I reach up and touch it.

"I always do. Good luck with the game tomorrow."

"Thanks. Take care babe."

"You too." He releases my hand and steps back from the car. I put it into first and step off the clutch. I start to drive forward and wave out the window. I can see him waving and standing there as I drive away.

* * *

Several long and boring hours later, I pull into the driveway at home. The house doesn't look any different. I don't know why it should. Mom and Dad don't have the money to renovate or add on or anything. Maybe I just figured that being away at college would change my perception of it or something. Perhaps in the future. I pull in behind mom's car. Dad's isn't around and I grab my bag of laundry and backpack from the trunk. I enter through the front door and drop my bags at the bottom of the stairs. The house smells like home. Mom must be in the kitchen cooking. I can smell apple pie and pumpkin pie.

"Hello?" I call out.

"Justyn? Is that you?" Mom's voice comes from the kitchen.

"Yes mom."

"How was your trip home?"

"Fine. Boring, uneventful." I walk into the kitchen. She standing at the kitchen counter working on filling a pie crust with pumpkin mix.

"There are cookies on the table for you."

"Thanks mom," I say opening the fridge and grabbing the milk.

"Oh Cam has called like four times already today. He wants you call him the minute you get in."

"Ok, I'll do that after I have some cookies. Do we have big dinner plans tonight?"

"No, it's just the three of us, why?"

"Just wondering, in case Cam wants to get together tonight."

"As long as you're around for dinner tomorrow, I guess it's alright."

I lean over and give her a kiss on the cheek. "You're the best, mom."

"I know. Now get out of here so I can finish these pies."

I grab a couple of more cookies and my milk and head upstairs to my room. It's not easy to handle some cookies, a glass of milk and my backpack and duffle bag, but I manage without spilling the milk or crushing the cookies. I drop the bags on the floor and put the milk and cookies on the desk beside my bed. The room is neat and tidy, unlike when we left it a few months back. Obviously Mom's been cleaning in here. I grab the phone and dial Cam's number.

"It's your dime."

"It's a local call nimrod."

"Hey bro, about damn time you called me back."

"I just got in. So what's up?"

"You doing anything?"

"Nah, just relaxing after the trip back. You?"

"Just waiting for your call."

"Wow, exciting life you lead."

"You know it buddy. You wanna get together?"

"Yeah that would be cool. When?"

"Wanna meet at Gino's for pizza?"

"Sweet. I've not had good pizza in a long time. How about in an hour?"

"Sounds good. See you then."

"Later," I reply and hang up the phone.

* * *

An hour later I walk into Gino's to find Cam sitting in a booth. The restaurant is fairly empty, probably because it's the day before Thanksgiving. The couple of other customers are far enough away that we can't hear them and they can't hear us. We tap hands as I get to the table and drop into the seat opposite him.

"Hey, long time no see."

"Yeah. Haven't heard much from you," he replies.

"I've been busy with school. It's a lot tougher then I though. Besides, I've not heard much out of you either."

"I know. I've been busy too."

A waitress comes over to our table, she must be new cause I don't recognize her. "Do you guys know what you want?"

Cam looks at me, "Usual?"

"Sounds good."

"We'll have a large Hawaiian with extra pineapple and two large root beers."

She scribbles down on her pad. "It'll be about 15 minutes."

"Great, thanks," I reply as she heads back to the counter.

"How's school going?" Cam asks after she leaves.

"It's good. Busy as hell but it's good. I'm having a lot of fun."

"How's living in the dorms?"

"It's great. How's school going for you?"

"It's going ok. It's just community college you know. Idiot's school."

"It's not idiot's school."

He pauses for a second. "Have you talked to Derrick lately?"

"No, I've not talked to him since before Jay left for school. Why?"

"Did you hear what happened between him and Jay?"

I thought of what Jay said when we were at the pizza place the day I came to school. "Yeah," I answer kinda disgusted. "He said something about Derrick telling him he's gay. Why?"

"I'm just curious. He's been really depressed about it. What did Jay tell you?"

"He said something like he didn't want to have anything to do with Derrick cause he's gay. He may not have said it in those exact words."

"So you only heard about it through Jay?"

"Yeah. D's not said anything to me. I gather you know?"

"Yeah, he told me what happened after he came out to Jay."

"I should stop in and see him this weekend. Is he around?"

"Yeah, he should be."

"Cool. I'll give him a call later."

"Do you have his cell number? It's better to call that number."

"No I don't. Why's it better to call his cell?"

"It's not my place to say."

Cam doesn't say anything else and I can't think of anything else to say to him. It's strange, considering we're best friends and we've not seen each other in several months. Finally after a few minutes of quiet our waitress appears with the pizza and our drinks. "Here you go, one large Hawaiian, extra pineapple." I grab a slice as she drops the drinks off at the table and leaves.

We eat our pizza also in silence, which is unusual for us. Usually we're chatting up a storm, even when we're eating.

"Everything ok Cam? You're awfully quiet."

He looks up at me and puts his pizza down. "I'm ok. Just have a lot on my mind that's all."

"Everything ok with school?"

"Yeah, school's fine."

"And work?"

"Ok."

"Everything ok at home?"

"Yeah, everything's fine."

"So what's on your mind bro?"

He looks around the restaurant and then back at me. He starts to say something and then stops. He looks down at his lap and then back at me. "How long have we known each other?" He asks, finally. The question seems odd to me. He knows the answer as well as I do.

"Eighteen years. You know that."

"Yeah, I know."

Now he's got my curiosity piqued. What could be on his mind?

"And we're best friends right?"

"Yeah bro. We're the best of friends. We're like brothers."

"What about Derrick and Jay? Weren't they the best of friends? Like brothers?"

I'm still not sure where he's going with this.

"Yeah," I reply slowly, apprehensively.

"Did Jay tell you what happened between him and Derrick?"

"Yeah."

"Everything?"

"He told me that Derrick came out to him and that they weren't friends anymore."

"That's it?"

"Yeah. What else is there?"

"Did he tell you why he came out to him?"

"No, he just mentioned that Derrick did."

Cam doesn't say anything for a few minutes. He just sits there, as though he is fighting some sort of battle with himself in his head. "Forgive me D," he whispers to himself. "Derrick told him cause he needed a place to stay."

"What?"

"Yeah. He told his parents that he was gay and they kicked him out of his house."

"Cause he's gay?"

"Yeah. So he called Jay and Jay came and picked him up. Derrick needed a place to stay. Jay asked him what was wrong and Derrick told him, told him everything. How he was gay, how he told his folks and that they kicked him out of the house."

"Ok."

"Jay couldn't believe it. He accused D of lying to him all the years they were growing up. He punched him and kicked him out of his car. He left Derrick standing in the middle of the street halfway between his house and your house."

"He didn't say that to me."

"Yeah."

"So is that why you told me to call his cell phone?"

"Yeah, cause obviously he's not living at home."

"So where is he staying?"

Cam pauses for a few seconds. "With me."

I don't say anything. I try to process everything Cam's told me. Jay didn't say anything about this. He just told me and Tristan that Derrick is gay. He didn't mention that D was kicked out of his house, or that he punched him. Great? Is this what I've got to look forward to?

"J? J?" Cam's voice pulls me back to reality.

"Sorry, I was just lost in thought. That's nice of you to give him a place to stay."

"Yeah. He's not been home since that incident."

"Really?"

"Yup."

Neither of us says anything for a few seconds. "Does it make you uncomfortable with a gay guy sleeping in your house?"

Cam looks at me in surprise. "No, why would it?"

"Aren't you afraid that he's going to try something on you?"

"NO." He's almost yelling. The couple of other patrons look our way. He lowers his voice. "Derrick is one of my best friends. Just like you and Jay, I trust him completely."

I put my hands up. "Ok, jeeze louise. No need to bite my head off."

"He wouldn't do anything to me that I didn't want to do."

"Ok. I'm sorry I said it."

He continues to look at me. "I can't believe you're like Jay."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I thought I knew you."

"Yeah, you do Cam. You know me better than anyone. I think you know me better than Jay does."

"Well, I figured, and hoped, that you'd be a little more understanding of what happened to Derrick. I think you better not call him."

"Why?"

"Cause I don't want to see him get hurt."

"Why would I hurt him? He's my friend too."

"Yeah, and he thought Jay was his friend and look what Jay did to him."

"So? That's Jay."

"Plus, I heard how disgusted you sounded when we started talking about it."

"You think I'm disgusted at D cause he's gay?"

"Yeah. Why else would you sound that way."

"Did you ever think that I might be disgusted at how Jay is?"

"Why would you be?"

"Just because we started from the same egg and sperm doesn't mean we're the same."

"But you guys are identical twins."

He's not listening to me. "Not completely."

"Ok, so you wear your hair a little differently. And he wears contacts and you wear glasses."

"Yeah, and he's straight and I'm gay," I blurt out without thinking, not stopping myself. Oh shit, I've done it now.

Cam does a double take. His mouth drops and I swear I hear it hit the table. "What?"

I put my hands in my lap and look down at the table. Here's to hoping that he's really ok with it. "I'm gay," I say again, very quietly.

He doesn't say anything for a few minutes. "Why didn't you ever say anything?"

"Cause I was afraid."

"Afraid?"

"Yeah, afraid that you'd be like what Jay's turned out to be."

"You're my best friend. I wouldn't be like that."

"Yeah? And I'm sure Derrick thought the same thing. I didn't know. I couldn't know."

"Does Jay know?"

"No. And after what he's said about Derrick and gays in general and what you've told me, I don't plan on telling him."

Cam gets quiet again. I can usually tell what he's thinking, but not tonight. Tonight he's unreadable. "Cam? We ok?"

He looks up at me. "What? Why wouldn't we be?"

"Cause of what I said, cause of what I am."

"Do you think I wouldn't be ok with it?"

"I don't know. We've never talked about gays before tonight."

"Just cause we've not talked about it doesn't mean that I have a problem with it."

"I know. But this is us we're talking about."

"Yeah so?"

"Are you still afraid I'm going to hurt Derrick?"

"No. I'm just being over protective I guess."

"There's nothing wrong with that. It makes you a good friend."

He takes a deep breath. "A good boyfriend," he says quietly.

Now it's my turn. "What?"