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"Then you and I would simply fly away...."

"If" -- Bread

I reached out to Star, mind to mind, as I walked back toward him. [Suria is on the way,] I told him. [I saw four of the children she has here, and tried to talk to them.] There wasn’t time for more than a feeling of distress from him, and then I was at his door and Suria was moving quickly toward us.

"You have no right to search my home," she began, staring up at me, her voice low and measured. "Nothing here is of concern to you, and that includes my children."

I kept my temper with an effort. "I wasn’t looking for ‘your’ children, but I saw no harm in talking to them when I saw them. What’s the big secret?"

She crossed her arms over her narrow chest. "There is no secret. Star knows all about the children." We both turned to look at Star, still standing in the middle of the room. He only spread his hands and said nothing, glancing at me and then looking quickly away. I took some deep breaths. Star was not going to step into this discussion; that was obvious. What was to be gained by my confronting Suria with my feelings? She knew them already, and with him firmly on the side of his advisor and "friend" I would only risk a rift between Star and myself.

But I wasn’t going to apologize to her. I turned my back and walked into Star’s office, taking my usual chair in front of his desk. I heard Suria turn and her heels clicking on the tile floor as she walked away, and then Star came and sat down next to me, his eyes troubled. I ignored that and proceeded to tell him all about the planet I’d found, surprising myself with my ability to set aside the issues at hand. I was still pleased to have discovered a possible new home for the Martians, but the joy of sharing that discovery with Star had gone.

When I’d finished my report, I mustered up a smile and left, going to spend the rest of the afternoon with Roca, Racho, Lana, and Mari, who were at home in the care of Kareinon. When Star and Vai arrived home, Vai accompanied by her buddy Kelly, I pleaded a dinner engagement.

* * *

Star’s kids were growing fast. Whatever Suria did to them, they seemed to shrug it off, which made my mind a little easier on the subject. I had a feeling that the older the kids got, the fewer liberties they allowed Suria. I supposed she was testing the other children more to make up for it. If that was true, I pitied them. I couldn’t get the memory of those little faces out of my head.

Noel, Cherry, and Ariel. Noel was the boy, I supposed, and Cherry almost had to be the redhead. That left the girl with the two-toned hair to be Ariel. What was the name of the other boy, I wondered, the one who ran away? None of the children I had seen looked to be the son of Suria and Ravin. Where was he that day?

I wanted to see them all again -- more than see, I wanted to take them out of Suria’s clutches and keep them somewhere safe. But... would they want to leave with me? Even if they did, there was still Star to consider. He left his own children to Suria’s dubious care; why would he stand up for the others? She was his friend, he said. I tried not to think about that statement very often; it turned my stomach.

At least the children I’d seen seemed to be well-grown and healthy. I wouldn’t have been able to control the urge to take them if they had seemed in distress.

What had that witch, Suria, done to Ravin? I’d heard he’d been in CD’s care when he first came to Earth, and after a while CD had pronounced him fit to associate with polite company. Hah. I made a mental note to ask him if he’d seen Ravin lately.

Could I trust the "truths" I’d seen in Ravin’s mind, or was it all just the ramblings of someone who was obviously off-center above the ears? Suria had married the guy, and I was almost ready to feel sorry for him, even though he’d always treated me like shit - except for that one time he seemed entirely in control. Then I’d thought he might be a nice guy. On the good side, the kids didn’t seem afraid of him.

Okay, for the sake of argument, let’s say that Ravin is a little strange on his own, but that all the really bad stuff he says and does is somehow due to Suria’s influence. Then, could he be right in his judgment that Suria hated Star?

That possibility gave me cold chills. Star submitted himself and his children to her on a regular basis. What might she do, even to someone as powerful as Star, if she had his cooperation? At this point it was all speculation, based on the ramblings of a sick mind, and even if I were convinced that Suria was hurting Star, what could I do about it?

Thanks to Denver University, I had a doctorate in psychology now, with a specialty in (you might guess) human sexuality. Even with an ornate certificate to hang on my wall, I wasn’t sure if I understood anything or anyone, not even myself. But as time went on I worried more and more about Star.

Physically he looked okay. I assumed that his body was like mine - no matter what, it kept things going and healthy. It was Star’s mind that really concerned me. His smile, which I thought had always held a touch of sadness, was almost heartbreaking to see these days. Sometimes he functioned almost like a zombie, performing necessary tasks with efficiency but seemingly little pleasure. Even his infrequent laughter seemed choreographed and false. Looking back, I couldn’t pinpoint just when the change had set in, or at least intensified until it couldn’t be ignored. Only when he was in "Emperor" mode, doing something for Mars or Lecurela, or when he was at home, interacting with the kids, did he seem at all like the way I remembered him.

I spoke to Vai about it, but she expressed no concern. "He’s under a lot of stress these days," was her comment. She was busy running around with her buddy Kelly, as usual. Zee was as worried as I was, and even CD had noted the changes in Star. But neither of them felt they had the right to speak to him about it. Maybe I had no right either, but I didn’t care. Something had to be done.

I’d given it a lot of thought, and I had no idea if the plan I had in mind would work. I was going to try it anyway. Direct confrontations with Star were never helpful, so this would have to be a sneak attack.

"You’re coming with me, Star," I announced, meeting him outside his office one bright spring morning. And before he could open his mouth to protest I’d grabbed him around the waist and jumped.

The moon was as airless and inhospitable as it had been the first time I’d curiously explored it, but neither of us needed the cozy environment of Earth to survive, and here there would be no interference - from anyone.

[Why are we here?] Star’s thoughts held surprise and maybe a little anger.

[I wanted to talk to you... alone,] I said.

[We could have spoken at the office,] he shot back, struggling a little in my grasp.

I held on tight. Knowing Star was completely capable of slipping away from me faster than a stepped-on banana peel, I threw a loop of control around his mind too, surprised on some level that my strength could contain Star in any way at all.

[No way. This is private, just between you and me.]

I felt him testing his bonds, physical and mental, and then all at once he let go and went figuratively limp. [What do you want?] he said, and the note of resignation in his tone scared me more than everything else.

The dark face of Luna, the side never seen from Earth, was no darker than my worries. Gray rocks below us, above only airless blackness lit with steady points of far-away fire, we stood alone while the universe performed its complex rotation, unconcerned.

[Look at me, Star.] The deep pools of his eyes met mine, and I pushed at him, into him, on all levels. [Let me in.]

We struggled, but there was no movement, just the force of my mind against his and the tremendous barrier of his resistance... which gave, just a bit, until a crack formed, and at last the wall between us split in two and vanished.

As dim as it had become, Star’s aura was still sunshine in that dark place, and I bathed in it, soaking up the energy whole and complete as it was offered. My own sphere of energy expanded, and our auras blended, gold and silver, swirling and dancing and reforming as he reached out and pulled me to him. We meshed, feeding off each other, both growing stronger.

I can’t describe the exhilaration of it, only to say it was beyond words, beyond sex... beyond imagining.

I knew somehow that if this intercourse continued we could blend completely, and that if we did we would no longer be fit for this plane of existence. Perhaps it would be like dying, albeit not an extinction, but a thrilling transformation to another form. I was not ready, yet, to die to this existence, no matter how joyfully. Nor, I knew, was he. Like two children, palms pressed together, fingers clasped too tightly, bound as one until both were willing to let go, I made the first move and loosened my hold on him... and he responded.

A moment of transition, and then we were just two separate people again, standing on the face of a small airless planetoid at the outer edge of a bright galaxy sometimes called the Milky Way.

But Star smiled at me.

Most of what I was had come back to me intact, but a tiny bit of Star had come along with it. It was difficult to say just what. I hadn’t been able to direct my invasion; it had taken all my strength just to crack his defenses. Perhaps I felt a little more serious now about what might be happening back on Lecurela, our home world. Perhaps I had absorbed a better understanding of the weight of the decisions Star was forced to make on a daily basis. If that was true, I hoped what he had from me in exchange was enough to lighten his burdens until they were bearable.

Only time would tell that story, but for now, Star’s smile was reward enough.