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"There's always something more you wish he'd say…"

"Everything You Want" - Vertical Horizon

I stood up.

Without thinking, I began walking toward the little lake in the middle of the park. I had to get my brain in gear. There had to be a way to make this work out right. When I felt Star put a gently restraining hand on my arm, I realized I had been walking too fast to be thought of as human. I slowed down, but I kept moving.

In the middle of the little bridge I stopped and turned so suddenly that Star ran into me. We faced each other with very little space between. I concentrated, breathing hard and staring into his eyes.

"Okay, you can tell Suria that I'll do it, but on these conditions." I took a breath and saw him nod in agreement. He was looking intently into my face.

"I'll only give her enough for one time." There were to be no other babies of mine that I had no control over. "And…." I stopped and watched Star's eyes. "No artificial womb. You will have to carry the child."

There was no question that Star could do it. He could change his body in any way he wanted, so the temporary addition of a uterus would be no problem at all. If he carried our baby, then Suria would have that much less influence over it. Plus, it would have the best possible start, nurtured by Star's own perfect body.

He blinked, digesting the idea. In only a moment he smiled - a far different smile than his everyday one. This expression was a mixture of tenderness and what I judged to be a dawning sense of pride.

"I can do that, Evan. Yes, I would love to carry our baby." He laughed gently. "I don't know what Suria will think of the idea - or Vaira, for that matter - but I will do it. We will have a child together." He took my hand in his, which put an unswallowable lump in my throat. There was only one more thing that would make this the perfect moment for me. If only I could know that I would be making love to Star when our child was conceived, and that we would then be raising it together as a family. I quickly banished those thoughts as impossible.

* * *

I don't know how Star spent the next week or so, but I was busy trying to sort out my feelings. I imagined my proposal was not immediately accepted by anyone else who would be involved - Vaira or Suria.

Vaira and I had had somewhat of a falling-out over the sex thing, and I was not her favorite person these days. We'd been lying in the bed she shared with Star, which in itself was enough to make me uncomfortable, and we'd already done it once. When she began wriggling her pelvis against my thigh and reaching for my dick, I had a sudden vision of the twins walking in on us, even though this was their nap time.

"Vaira," I said, "what if the twins wake up?"

She didn't answer, just sat up and took one of my nipples in her mouth, biting down on it, all the while giving me the look she always thought was sexy. She used enough pressure that it would have hurt a human man, but I just pushed her gently away.

"They won't wake up, and if they do, it won't matter - I had Kareinon take them out to the guest house." She changed tactics and put her tongue in my ear.

That and the stroking of her hand lower down felt pretty good, and I turned to face her, taking her chin in one hand and covering her mouth with mine. Before long, I was thoroughly in the mood and thinking about going down on her when she pulled away and rolled onto her hands and knees, reaching over to grab me by the cock. "Like this, Evan," she panted. "Fuck me, fuck me now." Her sweat-damp hair hung down over her face, but I could still see her eyes, squeezed tight shut, her mouth twisted with lust.

Something wild rose up in me, and I grasped her hips roughly and entered her in one hard thrust. With a shriek, she bucked back into me, and I moaned as the walls of her passage throbbed.

"Harder," she whimpered, "harder." And I obliged, unconsciously gauging how far I could go without injuring her.

As always, she wanted more. "No!" Her voice was almost unrecognizable. "Harder, I said harder!" I paid no attention, keeping my strokes deep and steady, even though I could feel her frustration.

"Goddammit," she shrieked, "are you such a pussy that you want me to fuck you instead?" And it pissed me off enough that I picked up the pace that final dangerous increment and twisted her nipples hard enough to bruise.

She screamed and came, and I barely resisted biting her shoulder as I blasted inside her. I rolled away and she curled next to me, smiling and content.

"You're going to be sore," I said, accusingly.

She snaked one hand between her legs and dotted the thick moisture on my nose. I was happy to see there was no blood. "It was worth it," she purred.

I was angry with her for goading me, but angrier at myself for doing what she wanted. "One of these days Star is going to find out about these little… get-togethers of ours, especially if you're too bruised to have sex with him."

She shrugged as though it didn't matter, managing to make the gesture as sensuous and sinuous as a cat. She was pleased that she'd made me respond to her desire for roughness, and my anger went up a notch. I liked sex, but I didn't like being manipulated.

"Why don't you ask your husband to do these things you want?" I snapped.

She sat up and stared at me, her eyes beginning to glitter with her own anger. "Because he won't! I have asked him and he won't do it!"

"Well," I responded, "from now on, neither will I!" I got up then and left before she could throw something at me. She hadn't called me since, and I was relieved.

I felt certain that Star was committed to our plan for the baby, and once he'd made up his mind, I doubted that anyone could persuade him otherwise. That's what kept me going when I felt like my life was a mess and it was all a mistake - remembering that new and happy expression on the face of the man I loved and that I was partly responsible for putting it there.

* * *

Suria was the one who called to finalize plans and explain the procedure. I hadn't received an announcement when she gave birth to her own baby, a month or so back. Star had only mentioned casually that it was a boy. I didn't take time congratulate her now, only wondering briefly why she didn't save her energy for the raising of her own child. Her voice was even more impersonal than usual, but she made no mention of my changes to her plans, and her directions were clear enough.

Donating sperm for the experiment was a weird experience. Having lived as a gay man for most of my life, I'd never worried one way or the other about fertility. I hadn't used condoms with Frankie because she'd said she couldn't conceive, but I had with the other women I'd been with - even Vaira. Now that I needed to produce fertile sperm, I realized that I never had before. I'd been taught to be sterile when I was only a child, before I left my home planet - one of the many things I had done my best to forget over the years. Changing that took nothing but a thought - a decision, really - but it left me feeling subtly different.

I masturbated at home - not Suria's lab - while thinking of Star, of course. When I came, the fluid flowed out of me like mercury or molten silver. The orgasm was more intense than usual too. Once in the sterile container, the stuff looked perfectly ordinary, but I trusted my senses enough to know that its original appearance hadn't been an illusion. I desperately wanted to ask Star if it had happened that way for him when he made babies with Vaira, but maybe he wouldn't have noticed since he hadn't been ejaculating into a jar. I filed the experience away for future contemplation.

Suria assured me that she would not interfere with Star's and my contributions in any way. I still kept a close eye on her. The egg Star had created was already in a little glass dish under a microscope, and I watched as Suria added my sperm. She observed intently through the microscope lens, but I could see what happened without that mechanical help. My own personal little wigglers swam quickly toward their goal, and it was only a matter of seconds before the lucky winner penetrated the egg, effectively closing the way to all the others. Not exactly a romantic moment, but at least Star and I were both present. Vaira had declined to witness the event.

The fertilized egg immediately began to subdivide and was soon a thriving colony of cells instead of a single. Carefully, Suria aspirated the tiny zygote into a sterile pipette and, after attaching the pipette to a syringe, inserted it into the entrance of Star's new uterus, which was located, like that of a median, in the customary spot.

I heartily wished that he were laying on a bed, under me, instead of on a cold table in one of Suria's exam rooms. But he smiled at me as he felt the brand-new life begin to make its way toward the place created for it, where it would soon attach and start to grow inside him.

I also wished I could think of something to say to Star that wouldn't sound utterly stupid, but no smart ideas presented themselves. Nothing in my previous life experience had prepared me for this moment. So I just held his hand for a while, not caring if Suria was watching, or not.