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"You took the part that once was my heart…"

"All of Me" - Billie Holiday

Vaira and Star behaved no differently toward me, but there was a chill in the weather after dinner to match the cold spot in my heart. Star lit the fireplace in the living room, and I played with the kids, giving them horsey rides and tossing a big rubber ball, which they both caught with amazing ease.

A long time later, the twins had been removed to their sleeping quarters, and the fire was only embers. Outside, the world made night sounds.

I wasn't tired, but memories played across my mind like the firelight on the rug. I'd had more than my share of lovers, over the years, but ultimately I always found myself alone. Was that to be my destiny? The fire dimmed, but the past still flickered in the eye of my mind.

I became aware that Star and Vai had been murmuring together for some time, ever since we'd watched Kareinon carry the sleepy children away on his broad shoulders. I determinedly wasn't listening. I had no wish to hear their lovers' words. Their privacy was complete-just leave me my own.

But they were quiet now.

"Evan," Star spoke. I turned my head. "I'd like Vaira to see the other planets in the Federation. I thought we might visit some of them on our holiday."

"Groovy," I replied. "Why don't you." It was none of my business.

"Evan." Now Vai was after me.

"What?" I looked up again.

"Will you go with us?"

My mouth fell open and words fell out before I had time to edit them. "Me? Go with you? Why?"

"Why not?" Star said, smiling at Vaira. "We'll be like the Three Musketeers."

I rolled my eyes. This joke wasn't funny. "I know… one for all-and all for nothing. Phooey."

Vai said, "Please?"

Were they serious? Two pairs of eyes regarded me sincerely. They were.

"Oh, all right," I said, sighing. "You talked me into it." I made a frown as I stood to walk down the hall.

Then, in my own room, I allowed myself a silent shout. Because they want me! They really do! Want me!!!

* * *

Here's the picture: rolling hills, mottled in greens and browns, occasional copses of thick trees, some brush, and just enough flowers to be interesting. A small farmhouse here, a small farmhouse there, all buildings constructed of stone or packed earth, mostly with thatched roofs.

Now we see, coming into view over one of those hills, a lovely golden-haired lady, dressed in something simple, white, and flowing, mounted on a majestic snow-white stallion. If that isn't plenty, beside that remarkable white stallion prances another, equally majestic, only this one is very black. Both horses are neither saddled nor bridled, but nevertheless perfectly behaved.

The planet is Syrdis, the Three Musketeers are us. If you listen closely, you'll hear me say, "I wonder how the natives feel about talking horses."

"Shh…." Vai said, "Or you may find out!"

True enough, a middle-aged man dressed in something shape- and colorless was passing us on the narrow path. He held a short rope attached to a tired-looking beast about the size of a cow, with a narrow hornless head, a horse's tail, and four large, three-toed feet.

When he had passed us, pausing only to stare for a moment - more at Vaira than anyone, I thought - I ventured to speak again.

"What the heck was that thing he was leading?"

"A draft animal," Star said. "They are quite common here, outside the cities… a horse - or the Syrdisian equivalent."

"That was a horse? Oh, brother, wait till we reach a town - we're going to cause quite a stir."

"Well, we could modify ourselves…."

"To look like that?! Ugh!"

"Don't they have horses on Rigel 9?" Vai asked.

"Why, yes… remarkably like the Earth variety…."

"Then why don't we go there instead. Evan doesn't want to change, and we don't want to be conspicuous."

"But we just got here!" I protested. "I thought you wanted to see Syrdis."

"I know, but I'd love to see Rigel 9 too."

Star said, "Fine with me."

"Star," I said, "Eight to five she wants to leave there and go to Thaenus in an hour."

Vai said, "Shut up, Evan."

* * *

We'd only been on Syrdis for a couple of hours. Star didn't mean to make official state visits - for that he would have needed Lecurela's okay, and neither one of us wanted to ask for their blessing on anything. He hadn't told Suria where we were going, either. She would have blabbed it immediately to her superiors. Star's small rebellion surprised me, but I liked it.

The plan was to mix unobtrusively with the locals, preferably far away from population centers, and see how things were going at the grass-roots level. Everyone always put their best foot forward on formal occasions. This way Star hoped to see what was really happening.

He seemed to care about each and every citizen of the billions who lived on the several planets that made up the Federation. I supposed that if he had stayed on Lecurela, he would have had regular bulletins concerning their welfare. Maybe that's what he was dealing with at his office every day; he certainly had plenty of electronic equipment in there, the one time I'd cared enough to look in at it.

I agreed with him that meeting people face to face was a far more accurate barometer of their health and happiness. Seventy-five years on Earth had not taught me to trust any sort of politician.

The few souls we'd met on Syrdis were simple farmers, pleasant people who seemed happy enough to share their food and drink with travelers. We'd started out walking together down the narrow back roads. Star had only volunteered himself as transportation when Vaira complained her feet hurt. Of course, I was not to be outdone.

The plan, as I understood it, had been to start with Syrdis and take in all the planets closest to Lecurela, which included Thaenus and Rigel 9.

Rigel 9 did have a name beyond its planetary designation, it's just that the citizens were a little funny about anyone else using or even knowing it. Star's and my training had included such intimate details as the planet's name, along with many other facts. The natives called their home Muir.

If we were going to Muir, then no one need know we were there. Muirans were touchy people - hardly willing to suffer an official delegation from Lecurela, let alone three unofficial travelers. Mostly, they liked to keep to themselves - rarely left their own planet. I guess they had a right. People who are different worry about prejudice. And Muirans were different - in a very unique and basic way - they had three sexes.

Like in many binary-sexed peoples, Muiran males were the most active, risk taking ones of the three. There were females, too - often stay-at-home types who were busy bearing and rearing the young. Medians were the in-between-ers. They were reputed to have amazing endurance, were smaller and softer than males but larger than females, and the group couldn't reproduce without their - you should pardon the expression - input. If you visited the planet, I guessed you would see a lot of males, and probably some females. However, you would rarely - if ever - see medians, or so the stories went. Muirans were downright paranoid about protecting them.

I'd been taught a zillion things about the peoples of the Federation. I knew that Thaenus was unstable in its orbit about its star and that all of the people got together when necessary and psychokinetically shoved it back where it needed to be.

I knew that every citizen of Syrdis voluntarily changed their economic status every year or two - even the king might choose to become a pauper and vice versa. Lecurela thought the entire populace of the planet was insane, but it seemed to work for them.

What I didn't know, was much about sexual practices on Muir.

Books said that medians and females bonded in adolescence and lived together, usually with the median's family, until they grew old enough to be joined with a male. But rumor had it that unattached medians were overwhelmingly attracted to unattached males, with unspeakable (at least in print) consequences. Males and medians were never allowed to be alone together without intense chaperonage. A median bonded to a female was somehow "safe" from the unnatural attraction to males.

But… those were only rumors. The only Muiran I'd met was their male ruler, Ka-Mero, and that was a long time ago, when I was still a child on Lecurela.

* * *

We three stopped under a tree to reconnoiter, and Star and I changed back to our usual forms. What kind of clothes did they wear on Muir? Star said he knew, and dressed us all in simple shirts and pants in earth tones, with sturdy sandals on our feet. We each had a pack to carry over one shoulder - if we'd be walking, we'd be expected to carry our belongings.

Vaira adjusted her new outfit and turned to smile at me. She looked over at Star, and he smiled too.

Something was definitely up. Ever since Vai brought up Rigel 9, I had felt a strange sense of anticipation in the air. They were keeping something from me… but what?

I didn't have much time to wonder, because we jumped.

* * *

We'd appeared about as far as we could from any city. Even so, three people travelling on foot seemed unusual. We got some strange looks from people in motorized farm wagons, but no one questioned us, and everyone was pleasant.

The original idea was that the three of us wouldn't stand out because people would assume we were a family - a joined, that is married, triumveric group of male, median, and female. Well, Star looked male enough, and Vaira certainly looked female. Where did that leave me?

If we were two males and a female, I thought that would probably seem odd, but maybe not. We saw mainly males on the road, and the occasional female riding in a vehicle or working in a garden. Didn't they let their medians out of the house? Personally, I was interested in seeing a real live one. Would I even be able to tell one sex from another?

As it happened, it was quite easy. We caught up with two young people, obviously barely out of adolescence, walking ahead of us down the dusty path. They were dressed about the same, in loose shirts and pants much like ours, but the blond one had some feminine curves, just beginning to blossom. The other was dark and about her height, but with a sturdy square build. They both smiled shyly at us with glances that I thought included a bit of curiosity.

Star was always good with children, and it was impossible not to trust that face. He smiled and spoke: "Hello. Lovely day isn't it."

I'd been taught the Muiran language so long ago that it seemed I'd always known it. Vai had received a "crash course" and understood more words than she could say.

The girl spoke up, "Yes, but father says we need rain for the crops. Still, I prefer not to walk in the mud." She giggled while her companion silently took us in.

"Do you live close by?" Star asked.

"Oh, yes - right down this road. We just walked over to see my sister's new baby." She reached out and took the other person's hand. "We've only been bonded since last harvest, but Mama said it was all right for Mischa to come too. We hate to be apart." They swung their hands like children do, and looked at each other with unashamed delight.

So… this was a median. In the Muiran language there is a whole other set of pronouns, but for someone raised on Earth it gets confusing, so I'll leave them out and say "he," and he looked at me and smiled. Such a gentle face, innocent and yet knowing beyond his years. Watching the two of them together gave me a lump in my throat, but I had no idea why. Finally he spoke, in a bright tenor voice, "You'd be welcome to visit our farm if you'd like. It's almost supper time. I'm Mischa, and my bond-mate is Essie. Our family name is Lugh." It seemed to be a polite, perhaps formal, introduction.

"Thank you. I am Star, and this is Vaira and Evan." He pointed to each of us.

The girl, Essie, smiled at Vai. "Are you joined?" she asked.

Star looked uncomfortable at the blunt question, knowing that the girl was asking about the three of us, not just him and Vaira. But Vai had no such qualms. "Yes," she said. "And our family name is Gray."

I shook my head. Gray. Mix together our names, White and Black, and what else would you get? Then I gulped. With one sentence from Vai, I'd gotten married.

Essie was right; the farm was only a short walk away. The woman who met us at the door of the wooden farmhouse seemed a bit unsure about three strange travelers for supper, but she invited us to clean up at the water pipe outside, and we followed the children's example, dutifully washing hands, face, and feet.

"Father is still in the field," Mischa volunteered, pointing out behind the house.

Star nodded. "Perhaps I will join him and see if I can be of help."

Star walked off, and Essie took hold of Vai's hand. "Come in and meet Mother and Meleth." I assumed that was the correct title for the median partner, but I didn't have much time to contemplate it, because Vaira dragged me along behind her, and then we were in the house.

It was a strange mixture of primitive and modern. There was a wood burning fireplace, but cooking seemed to be done by microwave. Furnishings were rustic enough to be home made, but there was a view screen on the wall that looked more modern than the television sets of America in the nineteen-seventies.

The meleth, whose name was Frith, embraced me like a brother - or whatever - and Vaira and the mother began talking like old friends. I'd never seen any of the vegetables on the table before, but salad is salad, and Frith and I made a large one from produce grown right on their farm.

Star and the father soon arrived from the fields atop some sort of low motorized vehicle, and we all sat down to dinner. There were several younger children underfoot, and the house was crowded. Star and the father discussed farming, and Star seemed to have no trouble keeping up with that subject. The questions of why we were traveling and where we were headed were left to Vai and me to answer. We were much more comfortable than Star with stretching the truth.

After a meal of salad and vegetable soup and something I feel fairly certain was meat, the family was ready for bed. "Well, I hate to say it, but the only place we have that's big enough for you is in the shed." Mr. Lugh was obviously uncomfortable at not being able to offer us better accommodations, but the house was full.

"That is generous of you," Star said. "I'm sure it will be more than adequate."

I, for one, was glad to be out of the family house. As the elected median partner, they assumed many things, one being that Vaira and I were much closer than we really were. Mrs. Lugh and Frith seemed almost like one person at times, and they were openly affectionate, hugging and patting each other whenever they passed by. Being alone together, just the three of us, even in the rustic shed, was a relief.

So - there we were. My stomach was trying to make sense of the unfamiliar foods, my senses busy cataloguing the new smells and tastes. The loose pants and shirt felt rough against my skin, and I longed for my familiar jeans and T-shirt. Even the gravity here was slightly different that Earth's. Adjusting to all the new input was enough to put anyone off balance. Little did I know, I was yet to be challenged.

The shed wasn't much, just one square room built of wooden planks, the walls hung with all sorts of tools and gear related to farming. There was a loft above, filled with bales of some grassy fodder that smelled of sunshine. Leaves littered the stone floor. Night had arrived, but we'd been given two lantern-like baskets that glowed with a bright cold light that was plenty to push back the darkness, inside or out.

I'd been no less than thrilled to be included on this little jaunt with Star and Vai, but now, alone with them in this strange place, well - to say I was uncomfortable would only scratch the surface.

I unrolled my blankets in the farthest corner, wanting to give them, and me, as much privacy as possible. Star and Vaira were talking quietly in the corner across from me. I still didn't want to hear their secrets, so I closed my mind and ears as tightly as I could. That's probably why I didn't know Vai was beside me until she touched my arm.

"Evan," she said. "I want to ask you something."