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"You are the sun; I am the moon; you are the words; I am the tune…"

"Play Me" - Neil Diamond

There was a knock at the door of my apartment. That wasn't an unusual occurrence these days, but I still found it exciting. Was it someone I already knew… intimately, or perhaps someone I wanted to get to know better?

I put down the book I'd been reading, (How to Dress to Keep Him Interested, most educational), glancing in my favorite large mirror as I moved to cross the room. It was a little informal, perhaps, but the sundress I'd worn to walk in the park earlier that morning still looked fine. I smoothed the soft yellow cotton over my hips as I checked cranberry lipstick and mauve eye shadow. I noted the faint natural blush on skin still pale in spite of California's best efforts. I never used much makeup; it wasn't necessary. Just for good measure I pulled a lock of my thick, wavy black hair over one shoulder to almost hide the swell of breast above the dress's low-cut neckline. No bra. That wasn't necessary either.

Perfect, I decided. No man could resist… so far, anyway.

I spared a quick glance for my small but carefully furnished apartment. Everything seemed in place. Fresh flowers graced the antique oak library table, plenty of fluffy pillows on the loveseat. Okay, ready for company.

All that took only a few seconds. Mother had always said it wasn't polite to keep callers waiting at the door - especially since I was beginning to have a feeling about this caller - a funny, fluttery feeling in the pit of my stomach.

My hand began to tremble before it touched the doorknob, and I knew who was in my hallway before the door opened wide enough to admit him.

"Star," I choked. Brilliant.

I stepped back gracelessly, still holding onto the door for support. He smiled as serenely as always as he crossed the threshold, and I closed the door and leaned on it. I knew I was staring, although I didn't need to; ever since our first meeting, I'd had him completely memorized. He hadn't changed much, except that every time I saw him he looked more desirable. His white-blonde hair just touched the collar of the natural linen summer suit that contrasted with skin as dark as mine was pale. As always, my eyes were drawn to his wonderful, expressive hands, his black eyes so deep you could happily drown in them.

I'd always noticed everything about him, but becoming a woman seemed to have heightened my perceptions, if that was possible.

Have I mentioned his voice? "Hello," he said mildly, not seeming to notice my nervousness.

"W… won't you come in, sit down…?" Thank God for everyday politeness. There was no way I could have thought of anything original at that moment.

I hadn't seen much of him lately, and he'd never come to my city apartment before. These days, when I did see him we were with other people, most often CD, Xintaie, and of course Vai and the twins.

As a matter of fact, I had rarely been completely alone with him like this. Somehow I knew he had left everyone else at home and that his bodyguard, Kareinon, was not standing outside my door today.

My heart jumped suddenly and resumed beating in my throat. Why was he here? There had to be a reason, probably something quite ordinary, but I couldn't help wondering, hoping that maybe at last he wanted me… the way I had wanted him from the first moment I saw him. Did he think of me differently now that I was a woman?

The last few months had been so easy and fun, and I had him to thank for that. Finally I fit in; I was part of the world, no longer an outcast or a reject. I was accepted for who I was, loved even, in just the way I had always dreamed about - well, almost - and all because of him, because of that single word spoken to me by this man. I knew I would do anything for him… especially the thing I wanted to do most.

He moved toward me, and I held my breath. My knees seemed to be dissolving when I felt his hands on my bare shoulders. He spoke softly and slowly… but the words made no sense.

"Evan, it's time."

Time? I thought. Time for what? I shook my head. Then I finally registered what he had called me.

"Star, I'm not Evan anymore, you know that. I'm Eve." Eve was that one, terribly important word that in our mutual language meant joy. The same language in which Evan, the name I had inadvertently given myself on my ninth birthday, meant alone.

He made no reply, and the look in his eyes was enigmatic. The face that usually held a familiar smile had become that of a stranger, someone carved of stone. I had thought I knew him, thought he cared about me, if only a little. Now I didn't know what to think or feel.

Suddenly, without knowing why, I was frantic.

"Remember, Star? You were the one who named me Eve. Please don't call me that other name anymore. What are you doing?" I saw something strange in his eyes then, and suddenly I was struggling, no longer wanting anything but for him to let me go. He couldn't take this gift away from me, he couldn't!

Inexorably gentle hands became bands of steel around my upper arms. My eyes went wide, only to be captured by his.

"Evan, change."

Change? There was no time for the shock I tried to feel. His mental command leapt through my body as though it were my own will. Bones and muscles melted and flowed like water. I gained six inches in height; my hair shortened, chest flattened. The lush curves and valleys of Eve's body were replaced by the unwelcome, but not unfamiliar broad shoulders and narrow hips of Evan's.

In less than a minute, the transformation was complete.

Disgusted and embarrassed at finding myself naked, I pushed the torn remnants of my sundress away with a foot and mentally reached far back in my closet for an old T-shirt and jeans that would fit, applying them to my body with a thought.

"All right," my voice held anger as I brought my eyes up from my bare feet. "I don't know what you're trying to prove, but you don't have to hold me anymore. We both know you're stronger." Who was this man? I'd never known Star to be cruel. I tried to pull away, but the restraining hands never loosened.

Wait a minute. Was it possible that he wanted me like this… male? God knew he'd had plenty of opportunity to accept my offers before, and there had to be better ways than this to go about seducing me, but maybe, somehow, his feelings for me had changed.

Before my thoughts could stop their chaotic swirling, I realized that Star's body was beginning to change too.

Of course, I knew the person in front of me was still Star, even though wavy platinum hair now flowed down to touch a narrow waist, and the full hips and breasts were lovely, but nothing I wanted to see in a sex partner. He had even replaced his suit with a soft little knit dress that I could have worn only a few minutes before.

This was how Star would have looked had he been born female, but, though the planes of his/her face were softer now, the eyes and mind that looked out at me were the same… Star.

Of course, I was also essentially unchanged. Great. Only the bodies were different, not my inclinations… and therein lay the problem.

But why had he done this! That was the question that screamed through my brain. It made no sense for him to come here just to torment me.

I should have known he had a reason.

Then my thoughts stopped altogether, locked in ice, because the feminine hands pulled me closer, and the full lips touched mine.

I thought I had struggled before. Now panic sent adrenaline crashing through my nerves and muscles.

It didn't matter. She/he held me, and I couldn't move. Desperately, I ordered my body to change itself back or to become something… anything else. The commands did nothing. I was trapped.

I found I felt most like crying. Instead I shouted.

"Let me go… sadist!"

A feather-touch of thought tickled the outer edge of my awareness. Angrily, I rejected it. Let him talk to me if he wanted to communicate.

The black eyes bored into mine. I wanted to look away but couldn't… was it pity I saw?

S/he knew I had never been with a woman, nor had I wanted to be. Not since that first time with Rahlee, so long ago, had I been this intimately close to a girl…. No… no… that terrifying first time… I didn't want to remember that. Bile rose chokingly in the back of my throat.

I couldn't stand this; couldn't Star see that? Darkness opened like a pit at my feet. I would have fallen into it gladly, if only I could move.

The energy of our bodies, even without voluntary mental contact, brought me her emotions: caring, concern… arousal. Sensations sparked between us like static electricity. I could feel her nipples pressing against my chest… hard, like little stones. Her arms were around me now, hands clinging to the muscles of my back with a power I didn't understand.

I felt dizzy.

She closed her eyes, and our lips met once more. Terror flushed through me, followed by confusion. No, I had never wanted a woman… but this wasn't just any woman. This woman was Star.

Star, who I had dreamed of even before we met.

Star… whom I loved.

Her mind disposed of the fragile barriers of our clothes.

I shivered, first with cold, then unbearable heat. My perceptions narrowed until I knew nothing but her. I found my hands touching her, one buried in her long soft hair, the other on her firm buttocks, pressing her more tightly against the unexpected but undeniable hardness of my erection.

The room spun crazily, and we were on the floor. The old Oriental rug was soft under my knees and elbows, her amazing body writhed like a flame, caressing me.

Her midnight eyes were smiling now.

My throat felt tight. I couldn't have spoken if I wanted to. Feelings I couldn't comprehend rushed through and past me.

Obeying some impulse I hadn't known I possessed, I kissed her, unconsciously closing my eyes. The delicate touch of tongue on tongue sent shivers through us both.

Everything was happening too fast. Our minds linked, and feelings reflected and multiplied between us until they became too intense for mere flesh to bear. I could feel what she felt, and that added stimulus left me gasping. Everything that was me felt ready to disintegrate completely.

With a small shift that seemed impossibly easy, she opened herself to me, and, in less than a heartbeat, we were one creature, moving together, arms holding so tightly they would have broken any bodies but our own.

Someone cried hoarsely, "Star! Oh, God… Star…."

I can't breathe. I don't want to. Just let it come soon, please, please….

My prayer was granted when wave after wave of joyous sensation broke over us both - feelings so strong and sweet that my world rocked from within with every convulsion of our bodies.

Star… there are no words.

* * *

Time went on without me for a while. Inside my head I could feel incomplete connections fusing solid. All my doubts, all my self-hatred was exposed to the brilliant, burning white light of acceptance. The past no longer mattered. I was free - free to be whoever I wanted to be, to change or not, to choose my own path in this world or any other, to decide who to love and how to grow.

And at last there was peace - the eye of the hurricane.

* * *

I woke up to find my head on Star's shoulder, her warm skin and the rug beneath still damp with tears I couldn't remember shedding. My fingertips rested lightly on her back, on the side with the birthmark that suggested her name.

The apartment was a mess. Pictures hung askew or lay on the floor, broken dishes littered the kitchen alcove, and all three windows were shattered.

Later, when darkness arrived, I found out from the manager that all the fuses in the building seemed to have blown at once.

I also learned, from the next day's newspaper, that a small earthquake, (3.5 on the Richter scale), had been reported - its epicenter somewhere near downtown Los Angeles. Thankfully, no major damage was reported.

I sat up carefully and reluctantly, feeling as fragile as must anything newborn. Everything seemed a little strange - as though the fabric of universe itself had been stretched into a new shape.

But everything was beautiful: the scarlet poppies on the floor in a puddle of water and broken glass; the late afternoon sunlight stretching across the room to warm a faded armchair… Star.

Her eyes were open. This time, when I felt the whisper-touch of thought, I welcomed it. Star's golden mind flowed in, filling and surrounding me; I felt bathed in sunshine. After a few century-long seconds of that wordless communion I sensed a message.

"You'll be all right now."

Then my thoughts were again only my own.

As I watched, bemused, unable and not wanting to move, she sat up, then stood gracefully. Before the movement was complete, she was he again, fully dressed in the same suit and pale blue shirt in which he had arrived, a few hours and another lifetime ago.

He smiled down at me so lovingly that my eyes again felt the sting of tears. He bent to briefly stroke my cheek with his palm, and then, without even a magician's flourish, he was gone.

I had received my heart's wish of being with Star, even though not in quite the way I had always imagined. Now he was gone, and the pain of separation was immense - but not fatal.

I still had hope.

Alone now, I looked back over my long life. I had experienced so many things: tilling the soil, barking in a carnival, riding the rails, building houses, cooking… the list seemed endless. And singing, always singing.

I'd been rich and I'd been poor, settled and on the move, and often I'd been blessed with more love than I deserved.

Now, thanks to Star, a new phase of my life was beginning, and that was exciting, but frightening too. The path was not completely clear, but I could see the first steps.

I would leave this place. Perhaps I would even return to New York City for a while. I had left a great many loose ends behind at my abrupt departure.

I would keep the name "Evan," though I was no longer really alone. It was as good a name as any and would help me remember where I wanted to go and what I was leaving behind. I had been Evan for more than sixty years, and Eve for much less than one, but she would always be a part of me now… I guess she always had been.

Outside, the sunset was spectacular. I stood up slowly, rather surprised that everything still worked the same as always, and crossed the littered room to that same, thankfully unbroken mirror. Thoughtfully, I regarded my reflection. This time the sight was not distressing. This was the shape I had been born to be. We'd learn to get along, this body and I.

Star had given me another gift; I had made love to a woman for the first time. A chill of excitement and premonition shivered up my spine - it was the first time, but maybe not the last.

I knew I would come back to LA though, or wherever he was. Somehow, our destinies intertwined.

Nothing was over; it was only beginning.