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"Star Eyes" - Kitty Kallen Three days and two nights after leaving New York, I stepped off the train in LA. The California air seemed dirtier than I was used to, but I ignored it. At least the cabs were easier to find. The driver said he knew where San Gabriel was and even the address I had given him. He just laughed when I asked him how much it would cost for him to drive me all the way there. I didn't really care. I was close now. I clutched my suitcase on the well-worn seat of the cab. Part of me wanted to turn tail and go back to my familiar life with Dan, but inside, my brain and body thrummed with his nearness. To meet someone who was like me… the idea was intoxicating. Didn't he "feel" me, too? I had to see him. It was a nice building - stucco, like a lot of southern Cal's architecture. Pseudo Spanish style, I guess you'd say, with arched doorways and a roof of terra-cotta half-round tiles. The cabby pulled away and left me goggling on the wrong side of a four-lane street. He was behind those pink-tinted walls… I could feel it. I looked both ways only after the first blast of a car horn. There was a discreet metal plaque on the heavy wooden entrance door. "Tarvonne Biological Research," it said… whatever that might mean. I really didn't give a damn. My palm tingling, I reached out for the handle… and it opened before I could touch it! It was like staring at the world's brightest light bulb. I saw him, and then everything whited out. I felt an incredibly strong hand grasp mine, exert a gentle pull, and I was inside with the door shutting behind me. The foyer was dim, but he shone so bright it could have been midnight and I would have seen him. He let go my hand, and I wanted to cry. I needed to touch him, needed him to touch me. He spoke then, his voice a baritone chiming of bells in my ears. "I'm so glad you're here." The excitement in his voice was controlled, but real. "Please, come inside and sit down." He gestured toward a doorway. With a feeling of total unreality, I crossed the threshold, thumped down in a nice leather chair and slid my poor luggage under it. I realized that I must look terrible. I hadn't bothered to shave or change clothes since last night on the train, and I felt generally rumpled and disoriented from the long ride. I almost wished I had taken a plane, but ever since I'd gone up with a barnstormer back in 1925, I hadn't trusted airplanes, and it still surprised me how well they'd caught on. To my delight, he didn't sit behind the room's large desk, but next to me on a chair not two feet away. "Can I get you something?" He leaned forward slightly. "We have coffee and iced tea… or perhaps just water?" I know I looked as stupid as I felt. I was wearing my usual off-work outfit of jeans and a black tee. I'd barely run fingers through my hair, and it needed cutting. My expression probably closely resembled that of a fish out of water. He was… perfect. His short, styled hair was platinum blonde, almost white, his eyes true black… so dark the pupils were invisible. Considering his Caucasian features, his dark brown skin color could pass for tan, but I knew that it would be the same all over his body, and that it had nothing to do with rays from a sun. His choice of off-white dress shirt… silk, I was willing to bet… and natural linen slacks made his skin glow. To say I was stunned wouldn't cover it. And I was becoming uncomfortably conscious of another development… not only was he the most perfect specimen of humanoid male I'd ever seen, he was also the sexiest… and my body was reacting to that fact. I closed my eyes in hopes of finding a little self-control somewhere. It only made me more conscious of how he smelled… wonderful… like ripe apricots, maybe. It had to be his personal scent, because they didn't make aftershave that smelled like that. What must he be thinking of me? If he was my "replacement," the real perfect one, designed like me only better, then we should probably look alike. But that was another thing that had always been wrong with me. He had the "ideal" coloring, the one most prized on our home planet, while mine was mirror reversed. My skin was pale, eyes grey, and my hair was so coal black there was almost a hint of blue in it. I remembered that the people who made me hadn't approved of my looks, but had generously put up with them… until the truth about my sexual nature came out. They must have been absolutely thrilled with him. The touch of irrational anger I felt kept me from throwing myself at him, which was probably a good thing. I pressed my lips together and tried opening my eyes. He was regarding me with concern. "Are you all right?" His voice was still like music. It wasn't his fault that I hadn't met our world's expectations. Looking at him made anger impossible. "Um, yeah… I'm fine. I guess I could use some water, though… and maybe a restroom?" I didn't have to piss, I just wanted to look in a mirror and assess the damage. Smiling as if he was glad to serve me in some way, he indicated another door. I felt a little better after brushing my hair and teeth. I returned to my chair just as the outer door opened, revealing an incredibly tall man with a glass of water in one huge paw. His expression was one of pleasant disinterest. I took the glass with thanks, then did a double take. This… person wasn't a man. Somehow I knew that the perfectly normal looking, except for his size, being was a machine. Oh, not the metal kind like the tin man in the Wizard of Oz, but an android… created, not born. The man in white caught me staring after the giant as the door closed. He had to duck to get through it… eight feet tall? "That's Kareinon[1], my…" He hesitated. "…servant." No shit. Bodyguard as well, I imagined. I hadn't had one like him. What would they think of next? My coping skills were badly taxed. I remembered the water in my hand and drained the glass in two gulps, glad for its ice-cold distraction. He watched me with those amazing eyes and took the glass when I was finished. His fingers brushed mine and I got goose bumps, all over. If he noticed my reaction he gave no sign, just looked at me with undisguised but innocent delight. "I should introduce myself. They call me Paul here, Paul White." He smiled again and held out that perfect brown hand. I made myself meet his eyes. "I'm Evan Black." He looked at me quizzically as I shook with him, savoring the energy that made him what he was. I didn't think his puzzlement was because of the almost laughable oppositeness of our "colorful" last names. "Evan? Did someone here give you that name?" He was intent now. I sat a little straighter in my chair, feeling defensive but not wanting him to know it. "I chose the name myself, after I was driven from the royal palace. It suits me, don't you think?" The word "evan" meant "alone" in my first language. Though we were both speaking English now, he had to know it as well as I did. I looked at him defiantly, daring him to ridicule me. When I left my old life on my "home" planet, I left the name I had been given behind too. I was no longer their "Univa"… and now that name must belong to him. He leaned closer and closer, finally putting both hands on my shoulders. His knees touched mine, and I felt the sweet wind of his breath on my face. His eyes were bottomless. "I am so sorry. I never knew that you existed until a few days ago. If I had, I would have looked for you. I would have gone to meet you even then, but I knew you were coming to me." His voice was so sincere that it melted any resentment I might have been feeling; you couldn't not believe that voice. And then… something singular. I felt another mind touch mine. It wasn't an intrusion at all, just a warm presence, radiant with caring. I felt the intended communication as words. ["Forgive me, cousin, for not finding you. I hate it that you felt alone."] My heart began to melt. We were alike inside. From his mental touch, I knew it. This being was my family, my only real family. The concept I translated as "cousin" was almost literally true, we shared so much genetic material. I wanted to cry, to shout. But most of all I wanted this magical being in my arms. I wanted to feel him touch me, kiss me, fuck me… and he saw all that in my unguarded thoughts, just as I saw what he felt. He pulled gently back physically, and our mental rapport was severed. He didn't push me away, but we were somehow no longer touching. I couldn't believe the pain I felt. Of course… he didn't want me any more than our creators had. Something was wrong with me… broken… imperfect. He was the perfect one they'd had in mind from the beginning. It was time to go. I had been so stupid to come here. I realized that I was standing only when he pushed me gently back into the chair. His energy field played with mine, and I knew he felt it too, but it didn't mean anything to him. I couldn't meet his eyes. How could I stand this humiliation? "Evan, look at me, please. I am not rejecting you. I understand your feelings, but… I cannot share them. Can we please be friends? I want that so much." It sounded like a typical line from a straight guy, or something I might have said to a girl. Whatever it was, it didn't matter. Logically, I knew I still needed to know this person in some way. He could shed light on a past I had all but forgotten, a heritage I had thrown away. Maybe the time had come to stop denying who I was… or at least who I had been. The door opened again before I could make an answer. This time it wasn't the giant android, but a tall attractive young woman in a flowered sundress, whose dark blonde hair flowed almost to her waist. Something indefinable about her told me that she was also not from Earth, but she wasn't from "our" planet, either. She smiled sweetly at "Paul" and then noticed me. Her pale green eyes narrowed, and my hackles went up… it was hate at first sight. With a radiant smile, Paul stood. Taking both her hands in his, he lightly kissed her mouth, then turned her to face me, one arm possessively round her waist. "Evan, I want you to meet Vaira[2], my wife." If I could have fainted, I would have. Too many larger-than-life-size emotions in too short a time. One minute I was ecstatic, the next devastated. I badly needed a time-out, but that wasn't going to happen. Yet another figure appeared in the doorway: a smaller woman with a narrow foxy face and straight, chin length brunette hair. She wore a starched white lab coat over a white blouse, gray skirt, nylons, and low-heeled pumps. Her brown eyes briefly regarded the woman Paul called Vaira with no more pleasure than I felt, then the expression of distaste was gone, replaced by a smile that could only be called professional. "Paul… and Vaira… what a pleasure to see you, dear. And who's this?" She turned toward Paul enquiringly, casting an interested look at me over her shoulder. I suddenly felt a little like a bug on a pin. Like Vaira, I somehow knew that she was not from Earth any more than I was, but her planet of origin was again different from Paul's and my own. Wow, it was an alien convention. I had sometimes sensed differences in people I met before this, but the knowledge was never quite so clear as now. In Paul's presence, more of my extra senses were waking up. Paul seemed pleased to see the newcomer. "Suria, I'm so glad you came in." He looked at me and, for a moment, I felt as cherished as Vaira must. "I want you to meet someone very special. His name is Evan Black." I suppose I blushed a little. Special… me? Suria's eyes lit up with a curiosity that made me more than a little uncomfortable. That look, combined with the lab coat, made me think that she'd like to see me on the wrong end of a scalpel. But she held out a tiny hand politely as Paul went on. "Evan, this is my advisor, Aula Suria Tarvonne[3]. Suria is from Thaenus [4]." Tarvonne. The name that was on the sign outside. So she did "biological research," huh? Whatever that was. And, Thaenus… I remembered that name from a long time ago; it was another planet in the Federation. The people there were known for their civilized ways… born politicians. I took the offered hand. She seemed unaware that she was looking up at me and that her small hand was lost inside mine. Her attitude was one of clear dominance. She knew she was in charge and was confident that everyone else would figure that out sooner rather than later. His advisor? I wondered just what that meant to her or to him. I let go her hand and said "pleased to meet you" or some such inanity. I hadn't forgotten that the introductions had included Vaira, though I was sure that gave no pleasure to either of us. Like a good boy, I waited for the "lady" to acknowledge me, but she smiled pleasantly at Suria, first. "Paul, I won't interrupt your business day further." She tossed her head theatrically until her hair fell over one shoulder. "Good to see you, Suria." She was at the door when she finally caught my eye, looking me up and down as though I was on sale and she thought the price was too high. "Please, Paul, don't forget our dinner date tonight." She didn't look at him, but he nodded, smiling. "And you can bring your friend… Evan? along if you want." She aimed a dazzlingly sweet and totally insincere smile in my direction and glided out the office door on three-inch heels. If possible, I felt even more off balance now than before. Suria looked from Paul to me with a speculative expression, then shook herself. "Well, Paul, I did want to do some more of our tests today, but I can see that you two are… involved. Can I be of assistance in any way?" Her eyes on me were sharp, then she turned to Paul, and I was surprised to see him demure to her. "I'm sorry, Suria. You'll be interested in hearing Evan's story, I know, but…" He looked apologetic, and she looked as though she thought he should. "I was going to show Evan around a bit since he's only just arrived in Los Angeles." I hadn't told him that. Not aloud, anyway. Even being shown around by Paul sounded good. I wanted to be with him, even if there could never be anything more between us than friendship. "Of course you were," she granted generously, "but do take Kareinon with you." She regarded Paul as though he were a forgetful five-year-old. He nodded sincerely. "Certainly Suria, I'm sure he'd be glad to drive us." Paul looked at me, and I shrugged and smiled, deciding to let the whirlwind take me where it would. Did I have anything better to do? Who was this Suria? His "advisor"? She thought she was his boss; that much was clear. As the potential ruler of the Federation, his submissiveness to a mere advisor seemed out of place. Maybe he was just graciously indulging her? And what business of mine was it, anyway? And why did I care? I shook myself internally, deciding that part of the showing-around process should include a visit to a clothing store. Paul was dressed like a model, and even the stone-faced Kareinon was stylishly clad. If I was going to move in their social circles I'd have to get into the California chic. Besides, there might be a man or two in Los Angeles who would find me attractive. I had a sudden thought of Dan, waking up without me. I knew he'd be okay, and we'd never had an exclusive relationship anyway, but…. Maybe I'd try calling him later. What I could say to him that might make any sense was another story. Dan was a good guy, but he didn't believe in aliens.
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