Denny and I had our sixteenth birthday in the first week of April. Nana called me that day to wish me a happy birthday. She said she wished she could be with me that day. "But you know what, Murray? You're where you need to be, my son. Those are real men taking care of you, Murray. And they love you. And I'm not just talking about Rick and Kevin. I'm talking about your brothers," she said. "I know. And I love them, too. I miss you every day, but I'm very happy here," I said. "I know you are. God bless you, my birthday boy," she said. My birthday was on Monday, and Denny's birthday was on Wednesday of the same week. On Thursday, Kevin and Rick took the two of us, and Pete, who was already sixteen, to the driver's license place to get our licenses. Kevin drove us in his car, and Rick followed us in Sean's car. One of us was going to get to drive Sean's car home, but we didn't know which one. We all passed our test without any problem, and then we had to decide who was going to drive home. "How are we going to decide this?" Rick asked. "Flip a coin?" Denny said. "That only works when there are two people," Rick said. "The same thing with 'rock, paper, scissors.' We have to draw straws." He got three little twigs off the ground outside the license place, and he made two of them the same size and one shorter. He showed them to us so we'd know. We picked twigs, and Denny got the short one. That meant he was the winner and got to drive home. "Y'all can ride around a little while, if you want to, but we want you home by six o'clock. Does somebody have a phone?" Kevin said. We all had our phones. The three of us got in the Celica, with Denny behind the wheel and Pete riding shotgun. Kevin made us put on our seatbelts, which I would have done anyway. "Where to?" Denny asked. "Let's just ride," Pete said. And that's what we did. We didn't go anywhere in particular, but we were all over town. "I can't believe we have a car," Denny said. "I know, and this is a honey, too," Pete said. "I actually had a car before, but it was a piece of shit. It even smelled like shit." We took turns driving. "Murray. You're only going twenty-five. It's a forty-five-mile-an-hour zone," Denny said. "Oh, sorry," I said, and I speeded up. I was thinking about how lucky I am to be here. Just then this guy passed us and shot us a bird. "Go after that motherfucker," Pete said. "Ram his ass." I speeded up. "Murray, are you out of your mind? Don't listen to him," Denny said. "Denny, do you honestly think I'm that stupid?" I asked. "No, I don't," Denny said. "Or that I am?" Pete asked. Pete lit up a cigarette, and we cruised along. "Do you know what I was just thinking?" Denny asked. "No. What were you just thinking?" I said. I hate it when people say stuff like that. How was anybody supposed to know what he was just thinking? "If Todd were here, we'd have the same line-up as the four older guys," Denny said. "Even down to a smoker." "Are those guys for real?" Pete asked. "I mean, I've never met people like that before. Kyle and Tim have been so nice to me. I can't believe it." "Yeah, they really are for real," I said. "Kyle and Justin have been so good to me, you would think I was special. They've taken me to Pensacola to see my grandmother like eight times. And they're like, 'You're just bumming a ride, Bubba. We ain't taking you nowhere.'" "Damn. You sounded just like 'em," Denny said. "You're picking it up, Mur. That's the Emerald Beach Grumble, for sure." "I know," I said, in the Grumble. "God! That's perfect, Mur. I love it when they say that. Or when they say, 'I don't know,' and it comes out something like, 'Iono.' Can you say that?" Denny asked. "Iono," I said. "That's perfect! It's almost like they have gravel in their throats, especially on the second syllable. Damn, Murray," Denny said. "Do you think those guys are hot?" Pete asked. "Do I have a serious crush on them? Yes, I do," I said. "I think we all do, Pete," Denny said. "At least I know I do." "At least you have a boyfriend," Pete said to Denny. "I know. Would you like to have a boyfriend?" Denny asked. "God almighty! Yes! You see this?" Pete said, pointing to his crotch. I didn't really take my eyes off the road, but I saw out of the corner of my eye that he had an erection. That started giving me one, too. Denny leaned forward from the back seat to see, so I knew that meant he didn't have his seatbelt on. "Do you think you won't get erections when you have a boyfriend?" Denny asked. "No, I'm sure I still will. I hope so, anyway," Pete said. "Do you know about masturbation?" Denny asked. Pete was speechless, and it was funny. Then we all laughed. "Is it the same with a boyfriend as it is with yourself?" Pete asked Denny. "No, it's much better with a boyfriend," Denny said. "At least, I think it is." "John's a really nice guy," I said. "Is he horny for you?" "He's hornier than I thought he would be," Denny said. "Much hornier. I thought he was this big intellectual who never, or seldom, thought about sex. He is an intellectual, but he thinks about sex, too. A lot. Have either of you guys ever had sex?" "Denny, you know I haven't. Don't rub it in, man," I said. Shit! he knows I'm a virgin, I thought. He knows I would have told him if I had done anything. "Don't get mad, Mur. I wasn't trying to rub anything in," Denny said. "But, you know, it is possible that something might have happened that you haven't told me about." "Well, it hasn't happened," I said. "For me, either," Pete said. "I can't really speak for Todd, but probably not for him, either." "You know what the guys say about that. It's okay to be a virgin," Denny said. "It's okay unless your are one," Pete said. "I'm about fed up with it." Pete has turned out to be cuter than I originally thought he was. "Just don't do what Sean did," I said. "What did he do?" Pete asked. "He had a boyfriend, but he also fucked everybody who was willing," I said. "That's how he got killed, and that's what made Justin hate him." "Justin hated him?" Pete asked. "Well, Justin never was mean to him or anything, but you could just tell that Justin didn't like him," I said. "To tell you the truth, I thought Sean was sneaky. I liked him fine because he was fun and nice to me, but I didn't trust him." "I think that sums up how all of us felt about him," Denny said. "Maybe not Rick and Kevin. I really don't know how they felt, but I think all of the boys were a little suspicious of Sean. But, now we've got his car, so we shouldn't badmouth him." We drove along in silence for a while, and then Pete wanted a turn at driving. I pulled into a parking lot to change places with him. "Would you guys make fun of me if I started dating?" I asked, once we were back on the street. "Of course not," Pete said. "Why would we? Do you have somebody in mind?" "Yeah. He's a freshman," I said. "What's his name?" Denny asked. "Aaron Maas," I said. "You know him." "Yeah, I do. He's on the novice debate team," Denny said. "Oh, he is so cute, Mur. And I'm pretty sure he's gay." "Yeah, I think he's pretty cute, too. And, yeah, he's gay," I said. "How do you guys know that stuff?" Pete asked. "About who's gay, I mean?" "All of Aaron's friends are girls, he's real gentle and soft spoken, and he checks out guys," I said. "Is he like you?" Pete asked. "What do you mean?" I asked. I knew what he meant, but I wanted to see how he would put it. "Murray, I like you very much, so don't get mad, okay?" "Okay," I said. "You have some girlish ways about you, man," Pete said. "It's just a little bit, but it's there." "Huh?!" I said, in an exaggerated way, and Denny laughed. "Why are you laughing, Den? I didn't say that to be funny," Pete said. "I know I'm effeminate, Pete," I said. "Yeah, but what you don't know, Pete, is he's not even a third as effeminate as he was when he first got here. Murray, I don't even notice it anymore, and I think you and Aaron would make a precious couple. Really, I do," Denny said. "Yeah, Aaron's a little bit like me, Pete. Do you think Kyle and them will like him, Denny?" I asked. "No. I don't think they'll like him," Denny said. "I think they'll love him." "You got me last, didn't you? You little fairy? You little fruit?" Pete said. "That's right," I grumbled, and the three of us screamed with laughter. What a great family! I thought.
I love playing baseball, but it was about to kill me because of the time involved. I play for Beachside High School, and I was doing well. Then the coaches started putting pressure on me to sign up for American Legion summer ball. Each high school sponsors a team, and it's basically the team from the regular school year. That's to keep the team together and to build skills for the next season. The only trouble was, I didn't know where I stood. "Kevin and Rick, can I talk to you guys?" I finally asked. "Well, of course you can, stud," Rick said. "Listen, Todd, there's never a time you can't talk to us, or a subject you can't talk to us about. You understand?" "Yes, sir," I said. They are so nice. "What's on your mind, Son?" Rick asked. "A lot," I said. "You know, being here with all of you guys has made me so calm about being gay, and it has made me feel so good about being me. It's been wonderful." "We pretty much knew that, I think," Rick said, grinning and laughing. They're just so happy all the time. "Have either of you spoken to my mother?" I asked. "Not lately. I hope you have, though," Kevin said. "Is she okay?" "Yes, sir, I talk to her. She's fine, but she told me last night that she and my dad are separated and that they're probably going to get a divorce," I said. Neither one of them said anything for a long time, it seemed. "Are you upset about that?" Kevin asked. "I know you want the truth, so I'm going to tell it. No, I'm not upset about that," I said. "In fact, I'm happy. I know I'm supposed to love my father. Like I do you guys, even, but he made my life miserable for a long time. I don't really think I love him. I never saw all that much of him, and, when I did, he was constantly on me. He wanted me to be a little . . . it's okay to say 'fuck,' right?" "You still have to ask that?" Rick said. "No. He wanted me to be a little fucking surgeon. Top of my class. Responsible. Always studying. Never hanging out with friends. Straight. God, that was the biggest thing. He wanted me to be straight. A heterosexual. A baby maker," I said. "We know," Kevin said. "Okay. Here's the problem. Now he's gone. Out of the picture. Or soon will be. Actually, he's already moved out of the house. And now my mom wants me to come home when school is over," I said. I don't know what I was expecting them to say, but they really didn't say anything. "But I don't want to go home," I said. "This is my home. This is where my friends are. This is where I'm doing well in baseball. This is where I can be myself in the company of the greatest guys in the world." I choked up bad when I said that, but it's true. I love my brothers, and I love Kevin and Rick. I mean, I love my mom, too, but she's a doctor, for God's sake. She works all the time. In Emerald Beach there are people around all the time. Interesting people. Fun people. People like me. Kevin put his arm around me, and that felt so good. "Todd, you have done really well here. Everybody in the house loves you. Baseball's almost over, and you have done extremely well. All of us are proud of you. For lots of reasons, including baseball," Kevin said. "Kevin, they're on me to sign up for Legion ball this summer. What am I supposed to do? They want me. They need me. Am I going to even be here?" I asked. "Todd, your parents are the ones who decide. Not us," Rick said. "You want me here, don't you?" I asked. "Todd. Son. We want you here for the rest of your life. But that's not something we have any control over. That's something your parents have to act on," Kevin said. "My mom's going to get custody of us," I said, "and she wants me home." "Son, you're leaving here with a whole lot," Kevin said. "Yes, sir, I know that," I said. "If you can, get your mom to send you to the local public school and not that fancy private school you went to. The private school is expensive, and the public school will offer you more socially, I think. Was there a GSA chapter at your private school?" Rick asked. "No, sir," I said. "If there isn't one at the public school, do you know what you have to do?" Rick asked. "Start one? Did Kyle start the one at Beachside?" I asked. "No, he didn't. In fact, he never even belonged to it. He didn't have to. To my knowledge, none of our boys have ever belonged to it. Which is kind of ironic, I think," Rick said. "So, are you telling me I'm going to have to leave here?" I asked. "You're telling us your mother says you have to leave here. And that's all we can say, Todd," Kevin said. "We don't have any legal standing, and we wouldn't oppose your mother, even if we did." "That's what I was afraid of," I said. "I didn't think you guys really loved me." I started to get up to leave, and Rick shoved me down again. "Wait a fucking minute here, mister. You don't say shit like that and walk off. Todd, Kevin and I have loved you as much as we've loved every other boy who has walked through the door of this house. You're being very immature right now, Son. How dare you think . . . " Rick was in tears. "Todd, how can you think we don't love you? We do love you. You're one of our sons, man," Kevin said, and then he started crying, too. It was more than I could take, and I cried, too. "Todd, we don't have a choice in this. It's your mother's decision for you to leave here, not ours. Don't you see that?" Kevin asked. "Yeah," I said, between my tears. "But why does it have to be this way?" "Because you mother loves you, Todd. And she's your mother. Rick and I are your foster fathers, but that's all we are. Foster fathers. For a limited time. I think you'll take with you the spirit of this house, and I hope it stays with you forever. We'll never forget you, Todd. Nobody in this house ever will. But you'll be going to a good place, and you'll be taking a good place with you. And you'll know you'll always have a place here. Always," Kevin said. "I don't want to leave," I said, amid many tears. "But you have to, Todd," Kevin said.
In one of my English classes, we had to read something they said was a poem. To me, a poem rhymes and is like a song, but this one didn't. It was called "The Waste Land," by the same guy who wrote the words to Cats, T. S. Eliot. The first line was, "April is the cruelest month." My teacher said that was supposed to make us think of the opening line of the "Canterbury Tales." Well, guess what? I never even heard of the "Canterbury Tales," much less read 'em. I thought Canterbury was candy, but then Kyle told me I was thinking of Cadbury. I didn't know. But you know what? This year April really hasn't been the cruelest month. It's been pretty damn good, in fact. Kyle and I are fixing to graduate from college. I mean, it's only a junior college, but I never even went to high school. And here I am, soon to be a junior-college graduate. "You're going through the ceremony, right?" Kyle asked me. "I just been through the ceremony," I said. "The night before Easter." "You dumb fuck. Not the ceremony to become a Catholic. The ceremony to graduate from this college," Kyle said. "You absolutely have to do it. I insist." "Oh. I don't know about that. I'm afraid I'm flunking," I said. "Oh, yeah? What's the lowest grade you got so far?" Kyle demanded. "Well, the lowest is a B, but it could sink any day now, you know?" I said. "Davis, you define the word 'dumbness.' Truly. You are an honor student. You don't have a thing in the world to worry about academically, and you are going to graduate. So shut the fuck up about that," Kyle said. "How do you know I won't choke at the last minute?" I asked. "You know, I really don't know that, Justin. You might take out your wee-wee, piss on the exam paper, and then swing from the light fixtures through the room. And who knows? I might do the same thing. Or, you might sit down calmly, take the test like you have a million other ones, and make an A. And I might do the same thing. Given your history, Justin--what with the summa cum laude grade point average and all--my money's on the second option, not the first. So. What do you think?" Kyle said. I laughed. "I think if you ever leave my side, I'm finished," I said. "I know. That's the minute the wee-wee comes out," Kyle said. "You dumb fuck," I said, laughing. "Oh! All of a sudden I'm the dumb fuck? I don't think so, Justin. I don't ever feel the need to piss on a test. I know how to keep my wee-wee under control," Kyle said. I was laughing at him too hard even to talk. "Are you feeling better about it now?" Kyle asked me. I stopped laughing and calmed down. "Kyle, I can't graduate from junior college. I didn't even go to high school. I'm just a queer dirt-road sport. I'm not like you, Kyle. I don't deserve a college degree," I said. He was quiet for a few seconds, but I could tell he was thinking. "Justin, have I ever hit you?" Kyle asked. "Well, sort of. When you body slammed me that time," I said. "Apart from that, I mean. Have I ever just laid hands on you in anger?" Kyle asked. "No," I said. "Well, Bubba, I'm fixing to slap the fucking shit out of you for that bullshit you just said. Where do you want to get hit?" Kyle asked. I just started laughing, and he did, too. "Nowhere," I finally said. "Oh. Point that one out to me," Kyle said. And we laughed some more. "It's just so incredible to me. I can't believe I'm graduating from anything, much less a college," I said. "Well, you are, and guess who's giving the main speech?" Kyle asked. "How would I know?" I said. "Well, maybe if you read the campus newspaper you'd know. But it's the President of the College Foundation," Kyle said. "Oh. Cool," I said. "You don't even know who that is, do you?" Kyle said. "No, and evidently you think I should. But I'm sorry. I don't," I said. "It's my daddy," Kyle said. "For real?" I asked. "Yeah, for real. Let me read it to you," Kyle said. He pulled a campus newspaper out of his back pack and read. "The Goodson family has been associated with this college for many years, but this year I have the distinct pleasure of watching my son, Kyle Goodson, and my honorary son, Justin Davis, graduate from Emerald Coast. It's a family first. Serving as the commencement speaker is an honor I do not deserve, but it is one I heartily welcome." "You're fucking making that up, Kyle. He didn't say that," I said. "Oh, yeah? Well, read it yourself, asshole. There it is in fucking black and white," Kyle said, shoving the paper in my face. And there is was. In fucking black and white. ". . . and my honorary son, Justin Davis." "Kyle, I'm weak as a kitten right now," I said. "I can see that. Let's go get some lunch, so we can build your strength back up," Kyle said. "You turd," I said, and he and I both laughed. I was so incredibly happy. Mr. Gene had referred to me as his honorary son! Me! Justin Fucking Davis! I'm the honorary son of one of the most important men in the whole fucking town. Maybe the whole fucking state. And if Senator Bob Graham is elected president, maybe in the whole fucking country. And Mr. Gene considers me his honorary son. Goddamn!
"Hi," I said to Aaron after third period. "Hey," he said. "Do you eat lunch here at school?" I asked. "Yeah. I've been sitting with the debaters," he said. "What about you? Do you want to sit with us? They let the novices sit with them." "No. I always go off campus. Do you want to go?" I asked. "Where do you go?" he asked. "The Starfish Motel. It's only a dollar more than school, but it's a lot better," I said. "And a lot more, too. It's all you can eat." "Sure," he said. "Well, come on. I just got my license, and I have a car to drive. Well, me and my two brothers," I said. "Cool," he said. "Denny, you already know Aaron. Aaron, this is Pete," I said, when we got out to the car. Aaron and Pete shook hands, but they didn't say anything. "Can I drive?" I asked, and they let me. Aaron sat shotgun, and Denny and Pete sat in the back. "I'm going to be fifteen in May," Aaron said, "so I'll be able to get my permit." "Cool," Denny said. "You usually hang out with the debaters during lunch, don't you?" "Yeah, pretty much," Aaron said. "I learn a lot from the upper classmen." "Yeah," Denny said. Pete always smokes a cigarette on the way to lunch and on the way back, too. I think Aaron was kind of surprised at that. "You're not in debate, are you?" Aaron asked Pete. "Naw," Pete said. "I'm new here." I introduced Aaron to all the guys at the restaurant, and he and I sat at the end of the table near Brian and Tim. They were so incredibly nice to him. I mean, Brian and Tim are just nice to everybody, but they were especially nice to Aaron. Everybody was nice. Wade and Reid, who are both seniors, treated him like he was an equal, even though he's only a freshman. I thought he was having a good time. I hoped so, anyway. We did that for several days in a row, and I think Aaron really enjoyed it. "Murray, you're gay, aren't you?" Aaron said after school on Friday. "What makes you ask that?" I said. "I don't know. Please don't be mad at me," he said. "Yes, I am gay," I said. "I live in a foster home with nine other gay guys." "Really?" he asked. "Yes," I said. "Are you gay?" "Yes. I think so, anyway," he said. He bowed his head way down. "It's okay to be gay. That's what I've learned from the guys in my house. You know that Denny and Pete, and Tim and Brian live in my house, don't you?" I asked. "Does that mean they're gay, too?" he asked. "Yes. We're all gay," I said. "It's okay to be gay. Do your parents know about you?" "No, and please don't tell," he said. "I won't tell. Do you think they'll be pissed off that you're gay?" I asked. "I don't think so, but how can I tell them that? They would think I want to have sex or something. I can't tell them that about me," he said. "Would you like to have sex? I mean, some day?" I asked. "Yeah. I think about it all the time," he said. "So do I. Some of my brothers have sex. A lot of sex, I think," I said, "but we don't really talk about it. About what they do, I mean." "You like me, don't you?" he asked. "Yeah. I do. A lot," I said. "I like you, too," he said. "Do you want to hang out some this weekend?" I asked. "Sure," he said. "Would you like to have a sleepover tonight?" I asked. "Sure," he said. "I have to call first, though. And I know they're going to want to talk to your parents." "My parents are two guys. Two gay guys," I said. I was sort of losing hope that Aaron would get to spend the night. "Can my mom talk to them?" he asked. "Sure. She'll probably want to talk to Kevin," I said. "Let me call Kevin to make sure it's okay. But I know it is." I called Kevin on his cell phone. "Hello. Who is this?" Kevin asked. "It's me. Murray," I said. "Oh, hey, Bubba. What's up, man? I didn't recognize your number because you never call me," he said. "I know," I said. "Most of the calls I get on my cell are from Kyle or Justin or Rick. I'm sorry I didn't recognize your number," he said. "That's okay. Uh, Kevin, would it be okay if I had a sleepover guest tonight?" I asked. "Who is it, and how old is he?" Kevin asked. "It's my friend Aaron, and he's a freshman. I think he's fifteen. Maybe fourteen," I said. "Tim, Brian, Denny and Pete know him." "Of course it's okay. His parents are going to want to talk to me, aren't they?" Kevin asked. "Yes, sir," I said. "That speaks well of him, then," Kevin said. "Give them the office number. Not the cell number. I want my secretary to answer it." "Why?" I asked. "Just do it, okay?" he said. "Okay," I said, and then we hung up. I gave Aaron my phone to call his mom. I told him Kevin's office number so she could call. She said she would and get back to us. In a few minutes the phone rang, and it was Aaron's mom. I gave it to him to talk to her. "Yes, ma'am, I think he might be a big shot," Aaron said. Pause. "Okay. We'll be right there," he said. "What did she say?" I asked. "She said 'sure.' She asked me if Kevin is a big shot. Is he?" he asked. "I think so, but I'm not really sure. I think they both might be big shots. Kevin and Rick. We never talk much about what they do," I said. "She wants to meet you, and I need to get some clothes, anyway," he said. "Okay," I said. Denny went home with John after school. John lives close, so they walked to his house. One of us would have to pick him up later, but that was cool. I dropped Pete off at home, and then Aaron and I went to his house. His mom was really nice, and his house was nice, too. It wasn't as nice as our house, but it was nice. Aaron's mom made a snack for us, and I wondered if she does that for Aaron every day. When I asked him about it later, he said she just did it because I was there. "Hey, Mom. Hey, Squirt," the guy said. It turned out to be Aaron's older brother, Mike. He was very good looking, and it seemed that he was older than us. He looked vaguely familiar, but it might just have been the resemblance to Aaron. "Who's this?" he asked, meaning me. "This is my friend. Murray Schultz," Aaron said. "Your friend? What kind of friend?" Mike asked, sort of suggestively. Aaron blushed a little. "Michael, stop teasing him, please," Mrs. Maas said. "He doesn't mind. Do you, Squirt?" Mike asked. Aaron got an exasperated look on his face, but Mike grinned at him in a way that let me know he loves his brother. "Mike, you had a phone call. Somebody named Kyle Goodson, I think he said. He wants you to call him," Mrs. Maas said. "Okay. I know what that's about," Mike said. "You know Kyle Goodson?" I asked. "Yeah. I think everybody knows him. We're fraternity brothers," Mike said. "Do you know him?" "I know him well. I live with him," I said. "Really? In that house with all those guys? I've been to parties there a couple of times. Cool," Mike said. "So you know these people?" Mrs. Maas asked Mike. "Sure. Absolutely. Kevin, Rick. All the guys. Well, maybe not all the guys because I never met you before, Murray. But, yeah. I know 'em," Mike said. "Mom, you know who Mr. Gene Goodson is, don't you?" "Yes," she said. "Is Kyle his son?" "Yes, ma'am. Kyle's the Service Chairman for Beta Rho, and I know he wants me to help with Kids' Day at the college. We did it last year, too. Kyle's dad is going to be the speaker at graduation," Mike said. "Now it's coming together," she said. "When I called, the woman who answered the phone said it was Goodson Enterprises. I guess Kevin Foley, the man I talked to, works there? Is that right, Murray?" "Yes, ma'am. He's my foster father. He's in charge of the hotels and motels. I'm going to work for them this summer," I said. "I'm going to see if I can get me a job with them. Flipping burgers is shit work," Mike said. "Son . . . " "I know. I'm sorry. That was just a slip, Mom," Mike said. "Yeah, but it slips out way too often. If expressions like that are slipping out here, how many times do they slip out elsewhere?" "Mom. Please. Not now, okay?" Mike said. "Yes, but Son, if you're associating with people like Kyle Goodson, you'll want to make a good impression, and . . . " Mrs. Maas began. "Kyle would never use that word, would he, Murray?" Mike said. He and I looked at each other and burst out laughing. "Well, I don't understand boys, I guess," she said. "Let's go get my stuff," Aaron said, and he and I got up and went to his room. Mike was there in a second. "So, what are you up to?" Mike asked. "I'm going to spend the weekend at Murray's house," Aaron said. "Is that okay with you?" "Don't cop an attitude with me, you little Squirt. I'll pop your ass good, if you do," he said. "Are you ready to come out to Mom and Dad?" All of a sudden, the atmosphere got really tense. Aaron's facial expression and body language told me he was terrified. "What do you mean?" Aaron asked cautiously. "Look, Squirt. I know you're gay, and it's okay. Mom and Dad probably know, too, and it's going to be okay with them, too. I mean, it is okay with them," Mike said. "Have they said anything to you about me?" Aaron asked. "Yeah, a couple of times Dad has hinted that he thinks you're gay. He told me it was my job to protect you, if you need protecting. And, Aaron, he's fine with it. We don't care. We love you, little brother. We don't care if you're gay," Mike said. "Do y'all have a pool?" Aaron asked me, no doubt to change the subject. "Yeah," I said. "Okay. I'll bring my suit," Aaron said. "Aaron, did I hurt your feelings, man? 'Cause that's the last thing in the world I wanted to do," Mike said. Aaron faced his brother, with a very serious look on his face. "Yes, you did hurt my feelings. I can't help the way I am, you know?" Aaron said. "Why is this so fucking complicated? I know you can't help the way you are. I just said as much. Jesus Christ, Aaron! For somebody who otherwise is pretty smart, you . . . Forget it. You're gay. I accept that fact and love you every bit as much as I ever did. Just do whatever the fuck you want to do. Nice to meet you, Murray. Y'all have a good weekend," Mike said, and he left. "God, I hate him," Aaron said. "Why? He just said he loves you," I said. "Yeah, but he also said he thinks I'm gay," he said. "But you are gay," I said. I was confused. "I know, but he didn't have to say it. Especially in front of you," he said. "Let's go," I said, and we went home. * * * We had a great weekend, even though Aaron was just a little bit clueless about some things. Like his own brother, for instance. When Kyle met Aaron, Kyle immediately went into a long spiel about what a great guy Mike Maas is and how much everybody likes Mike. Aaron really liked Kyle, of course. In fact, Aaron really liked everybody in the house, but he never said a word to Kyle about his brother. "That's a cute kid," Kyle said to me at one point. "Are you guys dating?" "Well, sort of, I guess," I said. "I mean, I hope we will." I found out why Mike calls him Squirt. It's because he does. We were getting ready to go swimming, and I explained to him about suits being optional. He was cool with no suits, and I was, too, of course. "If you get an erection, just ignore it. Nobody will say anything about it," I said. "Okay," he said. Then he took off his underwear, and we were sort of checking each other out. He was circumcised, and his penis was about an inch or so long in its soft state. Then, with lightning speed, he got an erection. I was impressed by its size. He was definitely what they called a grower. Before I knew it, he was squirting out semen onto the patio. He blushed a little, but not too bad. I know he didn't touch himself, too. "That's why Mike calls me Squirt," he said, with the cutest smile I had ever seen. I thought that was hilarious, for some reason, and I couldn't stop laughing. He was laughing, too. "Let's clean it up," I said. "Before somebody notices." "Don't tell, okay?" he said, again with that cute smile. "Okay, but did I make that happen?" I asked. "Well, yeah. I guess," he said. I felt like a million bucks, and I didn't know why. |