I finally got around to checking out St. Augustine for what there is to do there. That was all I wanted to do, but would they let me? No! I had all these appointments and crap. Lawyers, real estate brokers, bankers. Shit. Fortunately they were people I knew and cared about, for the most part. My lawyer? Cherie? All I wanted to talk about with her was our baby. Mr. Cliff? The real estate guy? All I really wanted to talk to him about was his son Philip. Mr. Emery? The banker? I didn't know him all that good, so I didn't have anything I wanted to talk to him about. He had a couple of daughters that I knew, but they were a few years younger than me, and I wasn't interested in them, anyway. "I've got the goods on St. Augustine, finally," I said to my family a few days later. "It's about fucking time," Justin said. "Justin, I'm tired. Don't make me have to get up and beat your face in, Bubba. Okay?" I said. "Like you could," he said. He cackled like a banshee. "I guess there will be eight of us on this trip, since we're leaving Justin home. Here are the goods," I said. I gave everybody except Justin a packet of stuff I had printed off the Internet. "Where's mine?" he asked. "You ain't going, so you ain't getting one," I said. "Kyle, give me the fucking papers," he said. I handed him a packet, grinning. "I hate you, you prick," Justin said, and he and I laughed. "Wow! There's a lot of good stuff here," Brian said. "Kyle, I'll bet you want to go to that Top Gun place." "Without a doubt, Bubba," I said. "I have always thought of myself as Tom Cruise." "You're more masculine than he is," Brian said. "What the hell you talking about, Little Buddy?" "Look on page sixteen. There's a place where you can go and fly World War II airplanes. Fighter planes," Brian said. "Fly airplanes? Are you shitting me, Kyle?" Justin asked. "No, he's not, Buddy. Read it. You go up with a pilot, and you take over the controls for a little while. You fly the plane," Brian said. "It's a flying lesson." "I definitely want to do that. For sure," Justin said. "I figured you would. I want to do it, too. It's a half hour. They got another ride called aerobatics, and the plane does stunts, like turning over, and shit like that. Read the paper," I said. "Oh, man, I want to do that, too," Justin said. "You see that in movies. You can really do that?" "That's what the man says on the Web site," I said. "Shit, I can't wait," Justin said. "I know. Me, either. When I read about that, I got so excited I got a hard-on," I said. "Yeah, you would," Justin said, mocking me. "Like you ain't got one right now, over the same damn thing," I said. "I can see it, Justin. Small as it is, it ain't invisible, you know?" "Kevin, make him shut up," Justin said. "Y'all both shut up," Rick said. "This is so typical of you two. All you can think about is sex. For those of you who don't have hard-ons over flying some damn old planes, Kyle has done a very good job of putting this packet together for us. There is more history of our state in St. Augustine than just about anywhere, except maybe in Pensacola. I think maybe that ought to be our next trip, after St. Augustine." "I can go to Pcola," Murray said. "You're going back there soon," Justin said. "And I'm taking you, if this asshole won't. So we can take the grandmas out. I'm stealing Kyle's car to do it, too." "What do you mean, if I ain't taking him? You're talking like it was your idea to go in the first place. It was mine. You didn't even want to go at first," I said. "Kyle, shut the fuck up, okay? I'll tell you when it's safe for you to talk again," Justin said. "Murray, taking you to Pensacola was my idea, but I wouldn't have done it if Justin hadn't been willing to go with us. Tell you the truth, I think he's hot for Nana. You best tell her to watch him close, you hear." I said. Ole Murray was getting a kick and a half out of being the center of so much attention. That was all it took to make that boy feel special, and that didn't cost me and Justin nothing to do that. "Nana's my girlfriend. I ain't ashamed of it," Justin said. "Miss Rose is your girlfriend. She's half deaf, and she needs your big mouth to even hear the conversation. I can't talk as loud as you." "Justin. Listen to yourself. You're just about shouting right now," I said. "I have to talk loud to get through your thick skull," he said. "Go make us something to eat." "What do you want?" I asked. "I don't know. Be creative, but nothing you personally caught or nothing that's still alive," Justin said. I was hungry, too, but I didn't know what I wanted, either. We still had candy in the freezer that Kevin and Rick had gotten from vendors for Easter. I dug around until I found a couple of boxes of that stuff. I knew it was frozen, but they could suck on it until it melted in their mouths. It would be good practice for the younger ones. That seemed to be just what everybody wanted. Justin popped one into his mouth. "Damn, this thing's hard as a rock," he said. "It's frozen, Bubba. Let it melt in your mouth," I said. "That's going to take forever," he said. "You want me to pop 'em in the microwave?" I asked. "No. That'll make a mess out of 'em. They'll thaw pretty quick," Rick said. "Just look at 'em longingly and pick out the ones you want." "I've never seen people have as much fun over nothing as you guys do," Sean said. "I can't believe you guys." "Let's get back to the trip," Brian said. "I didn't realize they had this much in St. Augustine. This is amazing." "I know," Tim said. "Brian, I'm sorry I never studied Florida history, like you did. There's a lot more here than there was in Houston." "Is anyone surprised?" Kevin asked. "You are mighty down on Houston, ain't you?" Justin said. "If the shoe fits, . . . " Kevin said. "Have you guys ever been to Virginia? There are a whole lot of things to see there," Sean said. "We went to Washington last year for Spring Break, and we took a bus trip to Mt. Vernon. That's about all, though," Brian said. "Oh, there's so much more than that, Bri. That's a neat place, but it doesn't hold a candle to Monticello or Williamsburg or Jamestown or Richmond," Sean said. "I'd love for us to go on a trip to Virginia. I could guide that tour." "Christmas or Spring Break? What do you think, guys?" Rick asked. "Christmas!? Are you out of your mind? We've got a double fucking wedding the day after Christmas!" I said. I swear, I didn't know what was wrong with Rick. "That's right, Kyle. December 26th. Do you go back to school on the 27th?" Rick asked. "No, of course not, but . . . " "I don't plan to do any cleaning up on the twenty-seventh. Do you?" Rick said. Hmmm. I hadn't thought of that. My parents always went to New York the day after Christmas. This year it would have to be two days after Christmas. There wasn't any reason we couldn't go on a trip, too. "Now that you put it that way, no, I ain't cleaning up," I said. "We could go to Virginia then. Plus, that would give Sean a chance to see his parents during the holidays. That's a damn good idea." "They won't be there then," Sean said. "Do you talk to your parents regularly, Sean?" Kevin asked. "No, I've called a couple of times and left messages to say I'm doing okay, but I haven't talked to them. I've gotten a couple of emails from my mom, but they weren't really personal. They were sent to her mailing list to give people her schedule. I'm not really part of their lives anymore," Sean said. Good God almighty! I thought. He didn't have anybody but us. I had heard from Skeeter and some other guys that he was a total slut. At first I didn't want to believe it, but gradually there were too many guys with too many stories for me not to know it was true. He had no idea how many people I knew and how willing they were to tell me what he had done with them. I hadn't yet heard any stories about ass fucking, but I figured it was just a matter of time before those stories started rolling in. You can't be as out and as well known as I am in Emerald Beach and not hear stuff about one of my brothers. I prayed to God he would be careful when he started ass fucking. That boy was looking for love, or something, all over the place, and there were a hell of a lot of boys in Emerald Beach, gay and straight, who would take advantage of him. I was lucky, I guess. I fell totally and completely in love with Tim at an early age, but that was exactly what I wanted. I know my brother fooled around with a few guys before he found Jeff, but Jeff was really what Clay wanted. He wanted a life mate, and he found him. I had me my life mate, and that's all I ever wanted. Me and Clay had parents that loved us, no matter what. And they loved our guys, too. Hell, my parents wanted to pay for the whole damn thing for Jeff and them to get married. I know everybody's parents can't pay for big weddings and such, but they ought to want to, even if they can't afford to. Shit. I hated that for Sean. "Are you okay, Kyle?" Kevin asked. "I just need to get a little air right now," I said. "Justin, would you give me a cigarette, please?" He whipped his pack out of his shirt pocket. "Take two," he said. "You probably need a lighter, too. Take this one." I tucked one cigarette behind my ear, and I went outside with the other one still in my hand. I really didn't feel like smoking all that much, but I needed to be out of that room right then. I lit up on the patio, and I coughed like a twelve-year-old smoking his first one. It had been awhile. I walked down to the dock. I was just standing there thinking, and I heard somebody come up behind me. I could tell he was smoking, and I knew it had to be either Kevin or Justin. "You're upset about Sean, aren't you?" It was Kevin. "Yes. I'm very upset about Sean," I said. "He doesn't have anybody." "He has us," Kevin said. "But I don't think we're enough, Kevin. He desperately needs more," I said. "Most boys here don't have any more than that, though," he said. "Yes, they do," I said. "Who does Brian have?" Kevin asked. "Brian!? Brian!? Brian has Justin. He has me and Tim. He has you and Rick. He has your parents, who absolutely love his ass. Your mom and your dad both do. He has Cherie and Craig. He has my parents. He has Mr. Mack, and Trixie and Krewe," I said. "Okay, he's not a good example. Who does Murray have? His Nana?" "Yes! And me and Justin. And Miss Rose. And you and Rick. He's got people," I said. "Denny? He doesn't have anybody," Kevin said. "Well, he's got us, of course, but he's got his books. His debate. I don't think Denny needs people the way Sean does or the rest of us do. He broke up with Brady because he thought Brady was immature. Denny's going to be okay. That's my gut feeling. Denny has a ton of friends at school, probably more than the rest of us put together. Did you even know that? Plus, he and Murray are very good friends. And Chip Rooney. They're best friends," I said. "Sean has Scott," Kevin said. "They're boyfriends, aren't they?" "Kevin, I . . . " Then I stopped. "You know stuff you can't tell me, right?" Kevin said. "Right," I said. "I want to, but I can't. I can tell you this, though. Sean is the neediest one of all of us right now. Just know that. And he's acting it out in ways that could get him hurt." "How could it get him hurt? You have to tell me that, Kyle. You can't keep it confidential if somebody might get hurt. That's wrong, man," Kevin said. I thought for a few minutes. I trusted Kevin more than just about anybody in the world, and I knew that all he wanted to do was help Sean. That's what I wanted to do, too. "I won't tell you details, but he's having a lot of sex, and not just with Scott. Sooner or later, he's going to get hurt. I don't know if it will be physical, but it might be," I said. "That's all I feel like I can say, Kevin." He heaved a deep sigh. He took the cigarette from behind my ear and lit it up. I didn't want it, anyway. "What can Rick and I do, Kyle? What can we all do?" he asked. "I've thought about that a lot, but I really don't know. Scott stays behind him like a dog behind a bitch in heat, but I doubt that Scott knows what Sean's doing. I know Scottie, and I know he's a very good boy. I know Sean's a good boy, too, at heart, but Sean's hurting so deep he can't even feel it," I said. "Well, if you figure anything out, you let me or Rick know immediately, you hear?" "I will. I've already told you more of Sean's business than I probably should have," I said. "What you told me tonight was in Sean's best interest, Kyle. You didn't break any confidences, and I don't ever want you to do that. But what you said about him hurting so deep he can't even feel it is probably true, Bubba." We were both quiet for a long time, thinking about Sean. "They're probably wondering what we're talking about out here," Kevin said. "I know. Rick and Justin are probably about out of their skins with curiosity. Tim and Brian, too," I said. "I guess we better get back in." "Yeah," he said. As it turned out, nobody but Rick was even in the den when we went back inside. "Kyle, I've been reading this handout you gave us, and this is going to be an awesome trip," Rick said. "I know. It is, isn't it? I can't wait to get up in those planes," I said. "How exactly does that work? Don't you need a license to fly a plane?" he asked. "Yeah, you do, but you just go up for a lesson. The pilot is licensed, maybe even as an instructor. He takes off, you fly it for a little while with him telling you what to do, and then he lands it. They're old planes, which is probably all the company could afford. They do this all around the country at different times of the year. I didn't print that part. But they're in St. Augustine year round. It's unbelievable, and I can't wait," I said. "I'm doing it," Rick said. "Are you doing it?" "I'll see," Kevin said. "You're not going to do it, and you know it. You pussy," Rick said, laughing at Kevin. "I said I'll see," Kevin said emphatically. "Yeah, we'll see you on the ground," Rick said. "Babe, Kyle and I were talking about Sean outside," Kevin said. "Do you want me to leave?" I asked. "No, I want you to stay," Kevin said. "Tell Rick what you told me." "About what?" I asked. "About Sean and sex," Kevin said. "Rick, I can't tell you the number of people who have talked to me about Sean and about the fact that he's having sex with anybody and everybody who's willing, gay and straight. I'm worried he's going to get hurt. In fact, I think he's hurting real bad inside right now," I said. "Yeah, you really get a sense of that, don't you?" Rick said. "What can we do about it? Have you talked to him about it?" "Not yet," I said. "See, I feel like I'm over a barrel here. A lot of what I know, I know in confidence, but I'll talk to him as soon as it seems right. Doesn't he have a birthday this month?" "I can't remember," Kevin said. "Let me check his birth certificate." Kevin went into the study, which is where they keep their files. He came back in a few minutes with this real dark look on his face. "We missed it. It was last week. October 7th," Kevin said. "He turned sixteen." "Oh, fuck!" Rick said. "Why didn't he say something? And why didn't his fucking parents call or send a card or something? This is making me depressed." We just all kind of sat there, wanting to do something but not knowing what to do. Finally, I told them good night and went to bed.
I was really looking forward to the trip to St. Augustine. We had studied about it in Florida history in the seventh grade, and I had read all the Internet material that Kyle had given us. Ordinarily, I would have resented losing four and a half days that I could have spent working on debate, but my new partner was really sharp, and we had our act together. We had done well at the first tournament earlier in the month, and he encouraged me to go. I came out to him right away because I didn't want him hearing rumors about me and not knowing for sure. Like everybody else at Beachside who knew about me, he was fine with it. He told me he thought he was basically straight but he wasn't totally positive yet. We really didn't talk about it all that much, and we certainly didn't do anything with each other. We had a half day on the Wednesday of that week, and we left right at noon. Kyle fixed sandwiches for us to eat in the car. It was crowded, but it was fun laughing and joking with the other guys. I read for a little while, but it wasn't long before I joined in the fun, too. We made much better time than we thought we would, mainly because Kyle and Justin did all the driving. Those two boys had lead in their feet, I think. We got to our hotel around six o'clock Central Time, but, of course, St. Augustine is in Eastern. We ate at the hotel and then went to walk around a little bit in the old downtown part of the city. There wasn't much to do, except window shopping and such. When we got back to the hotel, Kevin and Rick told us to meet the next morning at eight o'clock in the restaurant. They said goodnight and went to their room. The seven boys all ended up in Kyle's room. There were two beds in each room, so we all sat on the beds. "Did you bring us a bottle of cheer?" Justin asked. "That's my job, ain't it?" Kyle said. He pulled a new bottle of whiskey out of his bag. Tim and Brian went to get ice and cokes for us, and I bought some snacks from the vending machine that was on our floor, with money Kyle gave me. We put all that stuff next to the whiskey on a table. Kyle made whiskey drinks for Justin and himself, and Tim handed out cokes to the rest of us. Sean got up and poured himself a drink of whiskey. Everybody was sort of surprised that he did that, and Justin started to say something to him about it. Kyle shushed him, though. We turned on the TV set and found MTV, and for once they were playing music videos. That was pretty bad, but at least it was better than a wretched baseball game or football game. "I'm going to get comfortable," Kyle said. He was wearing his cowboy boots that he seemed to love so much, and his feet really smelled bad when he took them off. "Go wash your feet," Tim said. "I thought you liked the way I smell," Kyle said, teasing him. "I do, but I don't like nasty, stinky feet," Tim replied. Kyle did as Tim asked, and he came back into the bedroom in just his underwear. That got the others started, and they all stripped down to their briefs. I stayed dressed, since I would have to go to my room later, and Murray did, too. Sean didn't, though. "Anybody up for getting high?" Sean asked. Kyle had the remote in his hand, and he hit the mute button. "What did you say?" Kyle asked. "I asked if anybody wanted to get high," Sean said. "I know you smoke with your buddies, Sean, and I can't do anything about that. But don't tell me you brought shit on this trip," Kyle said. I had never seen him that serious. Nobody moved. "I was just teasing, Kyle, for Christ sake. Lighten up, man. I'm not holding," he said. "You better not be, and if you are, it better be gone before you go to bed tonight, you hear?" "Jesus! Who made you the fucking boss?" Sean said low, sort of under his breath. Kyle ignored what he said, and he turned the sound back on. I thought Tim was the luckiest guy in the world to have him, and I got an erection just thinking about what sex with Kyle must be like. "Are we going to go on the Sheriff's Ghost Tour tomorrow night?" Brian asked. "We ought to wait until Friday night. They do one at midnight on Fridays and Saturdays," Tim said. "It's going to be so scary," Kyle said in what I guess you would call a fake "ghost voice." "All the ghosts are gonna be laying in wait for you, Timmy-Too-Too." Tim laughed. "Timmy-Too-Too? Is that what you call him?" Justin asked. "I ain't never heard you say that before." "No, I don't call him that. I just made it up," Kyle said. "He's your little sex monkey, ain't he?" Justin asked. He started rubbing the monkey tattoo on Kyle's stomach. "Davis, you've got exactly thirty minutes to stop what you're doing," Kyle said. We all laughed, but Justin didn't stop. "Cut it out," Kyle said. "Why? Am I making Little Kyle come to life? Huh, Bubba?" "Yeah, you are. Cut it out. Brian, make him stop it," Kyle said. Justin stopped what he was doing. "Damn. I thought maybe we were getting ready to have a sex show," Sean said. "Never happen, Bubba," Justin said. "You guys want each other, though. I know you must," Sean said. "Whether we do or whether we don't doesn't matter, Sean. Brian is his partner, and Tim is mine," Kyle said. Kyle was already pissed off at Sean from earlier, and Sean was just making it worse. "Don't you guys ever get tired of sex with the same guy, over and over again?" Sean asked. "No, as a matter of fact, we don't," Justin said. "Kyle and I are both in love with our guys. Sean, I hope and pray to God that one day you fall in love, Bubba. If and when you do, you'll find out that sex is totally different with him than it is with some guy whose name you don't even know. Take it from one who knows." "How would you know? How many guys have you had sex with? One, right?" Sean said. "I don't even know how many," Justin said. "A lot, though." "Yeah, right. It doesn't count on the Internet," Sean said. "I've never had sex on the Internet. I don't even know how to do it," Jus said. "I find that hard to believe," Sean said. "Listen, if he says he hasn't had sex on the fucking Internet, believe him, man. What is it to you?" Kyle said. "It's nothing to me, Kyle. Why are you getting on my case all the time, man?" Sean asked. "Sean, you get to me sometimes, man. You don't know a thing in the world about Justin and what he's been through. It took guts to do what you did to get here, and I admire you for that. But you ain't the only one here with guts, Bubba," Kyle said. "Just don't mess with my boys." "Who are your boys? Huh?" "Everybody in this fucking room, that's who. Including you," Kyle said. They were sort of shouting at each other. "Sometimes I wish I hadn't come here," Sean said. "I feel like I don't belong." "How can that be, Sean? You're included in everything," Kyle said. "Okay. Here's an example. A little while ago you made drinks for you and Justin, but Tim just handed me a coke. I wanted a real drink," he said. "And you got one, didn't you?" Justin said. "Tim gave you a coke because you're fifteen years old. We don't care if you have a drink." "That was my fault," Tim said. "Usually, just Kyle, Justin, and Kevin, if he's here, have whiskey drinks. I just assumed you'd have a coke like the rest of us. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, and I'm sorry if I did." "Give us some more examples," Kyle said. "Naw, forget it," Sean said. "Besides, I'm sixteen now, not fifteen. My birthday was October 7th." Kyle got up from the bed he was sitting on and walked over to Sean. Sean flinched, as if he expected Kyle to hit him or something. Kyle sat down next to him and put his arm around Sean. "Bubba, if I have done anything to make you unhappy or to feel unwelcome, I want to apologize right now in front of everybody for doing that. We all stay real busy all the time at home. That's why we go on trips like this one. To have more family time together. I think this might even be the first time just the seven of us have been in a room together like this. We need to have more bull sessions like this," Kyle said. "It's not you, Kyle. It's me," Sean said. "I'm so damn screwed up. I hate my fucking parents, and I know they don't love me. I see Scott and his mom, and she loves him so much. She takes care of him, too, in so many ways. I don't know." "I think most of us would like to have a mom who loves us and takes care of us," I said. "Really, the only one of us who has a real mom is Kyle. Justin doesn't have a mom, and Brian's mom put him out and signed him over to the state. Tim has a step-mom, but he doesn't even live with her. My mom's in prison, and she wasn't much of a mom before she went in. Murray has his grandmother, but she's not able to take care of him anymore." "Yeah, but at least she did when she could, didn't she, Murray?" Sean said. "Yeah, she did, and that's why I miss her so bad. She loves me, and I love her," Murray said. "I can't be your mom, Sean, but I can be a much better big brother than I have been," Kyle said. "I'm sorry I'm such a jerk, guys," Sean said. "I don't want to be. I want people to like me." "Why didn't you tell us about your birthday?" Kyle asked. "Would it have mattered?" Sean asked. "Hell, yes, it would have mattered, and there would have been a party for you, too. Turning sixteen's a big deal, Bubba. Man, that tears me up that nobody even told you Happy Birthday," Kyle said. "And you didn't even hear from your parents." "Well, they've been late with it before. I was supposed to get a car for my sixteenth birthday, so maybe they'll get around to doing something when their schedules aren't quite so horrendous," Sean said.
St. Augustine turned out to be a wonderland. The first day we did quite a few testosterone-heavy activities, like visiting two forts. The first one was the Castillo de San Marcos National Monument, which was a gigantic fort that had been built between 1672 and 1695. It was the oldest European fort in North America, and it was enormous and, apparently, very well preserved. The National Park Service staffed it, so there was a great tour by a very knowledgeable ranger. I love our National Parks. I think they are on the top ten list of the best things about America. The other fort we went to was much smaller. Much smaller. It was called Fort Matanzas National Monument, built in the 1740's. The word Matanzas is Spanish for "massacre," and it's called that for Matanzas Bay, which was the site of the massacre of 250 French Huguenots, or Protestants, in 1565, by the Catholic Spanish. I was thoroughly Catholic and loved my religion, but some of the shit Catholics did in the name of the Catholic Church over the centuries was just horrible. "How could the Catholics kill those people for not wanting to be Catholic?" Justin asked. "To me, that's a serious crime and a deadly sin." "It is to all of us, Bubba. There's no excusing that," I said. "I'm taking lessons right now to become a Catholic, but I don't know about this," Justin said. "If you don't join, you're next," Kyle said. "Kyle, don't joke about this, man. Do you think what they did was okay?" Jus asked. "Hell, no, I don't think it was okay. I think they must have thought it was okay at the time, though," Kyle said. "It was much more political than it was religious," Brian said. "The Spanish claimed Florida for their king, and those French people, who just happened to be Protestants, wanted Florida, too. The religious stuff was just an excuse. It wasn't the real reason." "See, political doesn't make it right for me, either, Little Buddy," Justin said. "If I don't agree with you, can I kill you? What is that about?" "That doesn't make it right, either. But it was political more than it was religious. Don't be down on the Catholic Church for that," Brian said. "If you want reasons to be down on the Catholic Church, I can give you a bunch." "But you still believe in it, don't you?" Justin said. "Yes, I do, Buddy. Just like Kevin, Rick, Tim, Jeff, Tyler, the New Orleans relatives. I don't know what Kyle believes, if anything, but we've all dug beneath the surface and found something in the Catholic Church that we value," Brian said. "Brian, you've just listed off the best people I've ever known. If they can tolerate it, I reckon I can, too," Justin said. I thought about what I believed. I believed almost nothing that the Catholic Church said about sex and human sexual relationships. I believed most of what they said about social justice, poverty, the death penalty, economic reform, prejudice, war, and the sanctity of the individual conscience. I was a "cafeteria Catholic," but that was the way I had been raised and educated in Catholic schools. If they didn't want me to think, they should never have taught me how. After the forts, we went on the Scenic Cruise of St. Augustine. It only lasted about an hour and fifteen minutes, but we saw St. Augustine from the water. The cruise was very well narrated by somebody who really seemed to know the area and its history, and I had never been on anything like that before. That was really cool. After lunch, we went on the Old Jail Tour, which was interesting. It was a nineteenth-century jail, and they took imprisonment and punishment seriously back then. Our final sight of the day was the St. Augustine Lighthouse and Museum. It was a real working lighthouse that had been built in the 1870's. The Coast Guard owned it, maybe, but it seemed like a private foundation, or something, ran it. That part wasn't clear to me. The first lighthouse on that site, or near it, had actually toppled into the ocean. One of the things they had in the museum was a video of the shifting sandbars over the decades. It was amazing to me how much a coast changes over time. The current lighthouse had been much closer to the water when it was built than it was today because of that. In a lot of places, the shoreline is receding, but there it seemed to be increasing. Go figure. "I'm so tired I'm about to faint," Justin said. "You ain't been very spunky today. What the hell's the matter with you? Are you not feeling good?" "I'm feeling fine, thanks," Kyle said. "Whoa! I never got that out of you before. What's going on with you today?" "I've been doing a little thinking, okay? Will you cut me some slack?" Kyle said. "You're thinking about last night and what you said to Sean, ain't you? That boy needs a big brother bad right now, man, and you're the one to do it," Justin said. "Yeah, and I might need some protection tonight. I'm going to put it all on the table. The drugs and the sex," Kyle said. "What about the rock 'n' roll?" Justin asked. Kyle laughed. "You dumb fuck. I love you, Justin," Kyle said. "I think it's high time, Bubba. He's wilder than any of us ever dreamed of being. He's been sneaking out some at night, too, you know? Brian has caught him a few times. Those dogs don't take a breath that Brian don't know about it, and he's gotten up several times to see about them in the night. Every time it was Sean sneaking out, and some guy was waiting for him in a car," Justin said. "I didn't know about that," Kyle said. "I'll bet that was all about sex." "Yeah, me, too. I think he just smokes marijuana. He ain't doing heroin or crack or crank or any of those hard ones," Justin said. "He's fucked up bad, though, Bubba. I hope I can talk some sense into him. I'm going to give him some time to straighten up his act. If he doesn't, I'm going to Kevin and Rick about it," Kyle said. "I hear you. We'll both go. I know stuff about him, too, you know?" "Yeah, I reckon you do," Kyle said. I wasn't trying to eavesdrop, but when I heard that conversation my blood ran cold. I was totally caught off guard. Rick and I had the philosophy that we gave the kids as much freedom as they wanted, and we hadn't yet had any reason to haul any of them in. If anything, I thought the Big Four were very conservative in their lifestyles, and Denny and Murray were still basically little boys. It sounded like Sean was a different story. "Kyle and Jus, come over here. I want to talk to you guys," I said. "What's up?" Justin asked. "I don't exactly know how to say this, but I overheard you guys talking about Sean. I wasn't trying to eavesdrop, but it happened," I said. "We're worried about him, Kev," Kyle said. "I'm in a real bad place right now about this. I'm going to talk to him tonight. Let's give it a month, and if things aren't better, I'll tell you and Rick everything I know. I'm worried that if we get on him too hard without giving him a chance to clean up his act, he'll run. He's a runner. He proved that when he ran here." "That's a point I hadn't thought of, and it's a good one. Thank you, guys, for being so wonderful," I said. "Well, we'll see just how wonderful this turns out to be," Kyle said. "I'm doing this blind, Kevin. On pure instinct, but I think I know how he thinks, especially after last night. Let's all say a prayer it's going to work." |