I had just about decided that Brady and I couldn't be boyfriends anymore. I mean, I like him, but he's just way too immature for me. Take debate. He wanted to be my partner, even though I was a sophomore and he was only a freshman, and I thought that might be fun. It would give us a natural reason to sleep together on debate trips. At first the coach didn't want that. Eventually, though, I talked her into it. He hadn't gone to any debate camps during the summer, but I had. I thought I would have enough information and insight into the topic for both of us. He was pretty good at delivery, but that was a relatively minor part of debate, really. It was research and knowing the information that mattered, and being able to think clearly and logically on your feet. "I'll get as much information as I can on North Korea. Can you get it on Iraq?" I asked. Our debate topic was on whether the United States should have a policy on limiting our own weapons of mass destruction. That included chemical and biological weapons, as well as nuclear weapons. It was a huge topic, and there were a million aspects to it that we had to cover to be even minimally prepared. "I can cover Iraq," he said. "Now, don't let me down on this, Brady. If you can't do it, say so," I said. "I can do it. You don't have confidence in me," he said. "I do have confidence in you. It's just that it's so huge, and you don't have all that much background on it. Did you read that Web site from the University of Michigan?" I asked. "I checked it out," he said. "But did you read it?" I asked. I would have bet money he hadn't. "Not all of it. Don't be mad at me," he said in his most pitiful voice. "I'm going to be mad at you if you don't do your part. It's late, and I know Tim wants to go home. Let's go," I said. We were still at school in the debate room. We walked out to the parking lot where Tim and Murray were already waiting for us. Tim had already taken Sean home, and he had come back for us. We all got into Tim's car and took off. We dropped Brady off first. We kissed each other goodbye before he got out. "Call me tonight, okay?" he said. "Okay. I'll call," I said. I went upstairs after I had a snack and got busy on my regular homework. I got that knocked out in about an hour, and then I went downstairs to see what was going on. I changed into workout clothes first, though, just in case they were working out. I told Kevin and Rick hello as I passed through the den, but I didn't stop to talk. Kyle, Justin, Tim, Brian, Murray, Sean, Wade, and Reid were in the weight room working out. They had the music on so loud you could feel the bass. They all told me hello, and I went about doing my workout. I didn't like using free weights, so I just did my routines on the machines. "When are you going to get into the weights?" Justin shouted to me to be heard over the music. "I'd rather use the machines," I shouted back. "You would put on more muscle faster if you used the free weights," Jus said. He was extremely good natured, and I loved him to death, but he got on my nerves about the damn free weights. I didn't like them, and I wasn't going to use them. He said the same thing to me about them every single day. After a while, I worked up a pretty good sweat, and, frankly, I wasn't in the mood for the loud music and macho camaraderie of that group that day. I finally had all I wanted of it and went upstairs to take a shower. After I dressed, I logged onto the computer in my room and went to the University of Kansas Web site that had all the good stuff for debate. I got busy, reading and taking notes. I would cut quotes and statistics from the on-line material, paste it into the word processor, and print it on index cards. I found the topic fascinating, and it was easy for me to lose myself in what I was doing. Around 8:30 there was a knock on my door. It was Murray. "Kyle and Justin are going to take me to Pensacola on Saturday to see my grandmother," he said. "I'm so excited I can hardly stand it. Are you excited?" I wasn't one bit excited, but I couldn't very well say that. "Yeah. That's really cool. She's in a nursing home, right?" I said. "Yeah. Would you like to go, too? I've told her all about you, and she would like to meet you," he said. Murray and I were close, and I really cared about him a lot. I guess because of our closeness in age and everything, he and I were sort of paired up within the family. Chip Rooney was my best friend outside the family, Brady Stanton was my boyfriend and debate partner, and Murray was sort of my "best brother." I know he loved me, and I guess I loved him, too, platonically. I just couldn't spare the time to take a whole day to go to Pensacola. "I'd love to, Bubba, but I'm swamped right now. We've got our first tournament in three weeks, and Brady and I aren't even close to being ready. Are you and your partner close to being ready for it?" I asked. He had just started debate, and he and his partner, a freshman, were supposed to be in the novice division at the same tournament. I was on the JV team, and the competition would be a lot harder than it had been the year before as a novice. He had no way to know that, though. "We're getting there," he said. "Maybe you can go the next time." He sounded really disappointed that I couldn't go. I just hoped his feelings weren't hurt. "Did I hurt your feelings?" I asked. "No, that's okay," he said. "I understand." "Thanks, Bubba. Maybe next time," I said. He left, and I decided to call Brady. I dialed his cell number, and it was busy. He didn't have voice mail, so I couldn't leave a message. I went back to work. I tried four more times to call Brady that night, but every time the line was busy. That basically meant two things. Number one, he didn't want to talk to me enough to either call or at least keep his line open for me to call him, as I had said I would. Number two, he couldn't be working on debate while he was on the phone. Fine, I thought. I worked some more. At 10:30 I went downstairs to see what was going on. Kevin and Rick had already gone to bed. Justin and Kyle were playing a video game with the sound turned very low, and Brian was reading. "Where are Tim, Murray, and Sean?" I asked. "I don't know," Brian said. "Tim's reading upstairs," Kyle said. "He has to have Withering Heights finished by Friday." "Wuthering," Brian said. "What did I say?" Kyle asked. "You said 'withering,' and it's 'wuthering,'" Brian said. "What's the difference?" Kyle asked. "I don't know," Brian said, "but the name of the book is Wuthering Heights, not Withering Heights." "I think it's the past tense. Something could be withering right now, but something else could have been wuthering yesterday," Justin said. "That makes sense," Kyle said. "Like come and came." "Exactly," Justin said. Brian and I laughed softly, but those two were dead serious. They were so funny. I went into the kitchen and got a bowl of cereal and milk. I told them goodnight, and I took my snack up to my room. I tried Brady's number one more time, and it was still busy. Then it occurred to me that there might be something wrong with his phone. It was too late by then to try his parents' line, though. Oh, well, I thought, and I went to bed. * * * Brady wasn't in debate class the next day. "Where's your partner?" the coach asked me. "I don't know. I hope he's not sick," I said. And I hope he's not skipping school today so I don't have to kill him, I thought. "Where's Brady?" Brian asked me when it was time to go to lunch. "I don't know," I said, and we went to lunch. "Tim, would you mind swinging by Brady's house on the way home. I want to see if he's sick," I said after school. "Sure," Tim said. Brady answered the door when I rang the bell. He looked perfectly healthy. "Hi," he said. "Hi. Why didn't you go to school today?" I asked. "I didn't feel like it," he said. "Oh? Do you have the stuff about Iraq?" I asked. "No," he said. "Brady, I . . . " "You're mad, aren't you?" he said. "You're damn right I'm mad. Are you ever going to do it?" I asked. "Don't yell at me," he said. I had purposely not raised my voice one bit. "Well? Are you?" "I don't like debate, Denny. It's too hard," he said. "I'm going to quit." Just like that! He's going to quit! I had worked my ass off for two months on the topic. Kevin and Rick had spent a lot of money sending me to debate camp last summer so I could have a fighting chance of competing. They had bought me a new suit because I had outgrown my old one. They were fully prepared to send me off on debate trips for whole weekends at a time. And he wanted to quit. I was pissed. "Call me tonight," I said, and I turned around and walked back to Tim's car. Tim and Murray knew I was furious, and we rode home in dead silence. I went up to my room, threw myself onto my bed, and started bawling. I wasn't sad, and I damn sure wasn't happy. I was angry. I cried out my anger and frustration in a few minutes. I washed my face and went downstairs. They were still in the den eating a snack. Brian was there because he had a college class that night. He didn't work with the dogs on days when he had night class so he'd have time to do homework from day school. "What's the matter?" Sean asked. "I'm breaking up with Brady," I said. I said it coldly, without any emotion in my voice. "Do you want to tell us about it?" Tim asked kindly. "Not really. He's just too immature and irresponsible and manipulating for me," I said. "He's too young to have a boyfriend, or at least to have me for a boyfriend." "Is that what happened at his house today?" Tim asked. "No. I haven't told him yet. I will tonight on the phone. That is, I will if I can get a call through to him," I said. Brian had to leave for his class. Tim, Murray, and Sean went to their rooms, or somewhere, and I was in the den by myself. I decided to call Brady. He answered on the first ring. He might not have known it was me since I called from the house phone and not my cell. "Brady," I said. "I'm afraid it's over between us. I'm going to ask for a new debate partner tomorrow." "Just like that?" he asked. "It's been brewing since the summer, and you know it. We're not cut out for each other," I said. He started crying, but I could tell it wasn't a deep, emotional cry. It was more like he was acting than really crying. "Well, I still love you," he said. "I hope we can stay friends." "We can. I've got to go now. Bye." And I hung up. My first impulse after I hung up was to call him again and take back everything I had said. He was my first boyfriend, after all, and my first sex partner, too. I still had some feelings for him, but I knew I had done the right thing. I resisted the impulse to call him back. Just then, Kyle and Justin came home from college. Kevin and Rick came home shortly after they got there, and I went and changed for my workout. I let Justin show me how to use some of the smaller free weights that day, and I felt good. I got a new debate partner the next day. It was a kid who had just transferred to Beachside that week, and he was in his second year of debate, too. He had his case much further along than mine was, and I was happy. Brady got a schedule change for a new course a few days later at the end of the nine weeks, and my new partner and I got along great.
After Dan and I started dating, I had a whole new outlook on life. I was still living at the Foley-Mashburn house, but I was spending less and less time there. After we had been going out for a little more than three months, the physical passion between Dan and me led to sex. It was inevitable, and that added a dimension to our relationship that I had never known with Carolyn, my wife. Sex with Carolyn always seemed grudging on her part, and she probably thought the same of me. We didn't have sex two or three times a day the way many newlyweds did. It was more like once a week, if that. I'm convinced she never had an orgasm, and there were a few times when I didn't have one, either. Sometimes sex with Dan was hot and frantic and fast paced, each of us insatiable for the other. Other times, it was slow, unhurried, and gentle. We seemed to know intuitively what the other needed and wanted, and there was a true sense of sharing, of bonding, with him. Of course, we started small and took it slow. I wanted to one day feel him penetrate me anally, but there was certainly no rush for that. We talked about it, and we agreed that we'd both know when we were ready for it. I had read that oral love was the preferred form for most gay men, and that was entirely true for us. Neither of us was terribly experienced, but it was sure fun learning and experimenting together. Privacy wasn't much of an issue. His roommate belonged to several bowling leagues, and he was often gone until eleven or later on weeknights for that. He also worked late fairly often, sometimes even pulling all-nighters. It sounded to me like we needed more programmers, but that wasn't any of my business. The bottom line, though, was that he was just as gay as we were, and he understood our need to be alone together. We tried to hold the noise down when he was there, and it was never a problem. I started spending more and more nights at Dan's house, and he spent a few at our house, too. While everybody on North Lagoon Drive was happy for me and Dan, and while they certainly didn't have a problem with us making love there, it was a little inconvenient because of the bathroom on the third floor. There was only one up there, and a couple of times Sean walked in on us in compromising positions. He never complained or said anything (he was way too cool for that), and it was our own fault for not locking the door. But all of our sexual encounters in the bathroom were spontaneous and unplanned. Not only that, if Sean had had to use the bathroom, he couldn't have gotten in with the door locked. After that happened twice in the same weekend, we made it a point of confining our lovemaking to the bedroom or to Dan's apartment. With the tourists all but a memory by the end of October, it was time for me to get a place of my own. I wanted something on the beach, of course, and Dan and I spent one whole Saturday looking for apartments. The ones we found were either run down or too grand for me to afford comfortably. "We've been house hunting all day," I said when we got home. Most of them were in the den, waiting for it to be time to go to Mass. "Any luck?" Kevin asked. "Not really. We saw some beautiful places, if you have $1,200 or more a month to pay in rent," I said. "How much were y'all thinking?" Rick asked. "Not 'y'all,' Rick," I said. "Just me for now. I'd like to get something around seven hundred." "One bedroom or two?" Kevin asked. "I'd like two bedrooms and two baths, but that might be impossible to find in my price range," I said. "What about a townhouse, or even a free-standing house?" Kyle asked. "I'm not really interested in a house because I don't want to have yard maintenance," I said. "You have that with most townhouses, too, don't you?" I asked. "Yeah, pretty much," Kevin said. "You want a standard apartment. Right?" "Right," I said. "Well, the Sunday paper always has the most ads. Maybe something will be listed tomorrow," Rick said. That happened to be one of the nights that Dan stayed at our house, and the next morning he and I went to a convenience store to buy papers. On the way home, we stopped at a Spudnut Doughnut Shop and bought six dozen doughnuts. Dan and I pored through the apartment listings. There were about twenty listings that we hadn't seen the day before. We were able to eliminate most of those because they listed the rent and it was too much. We ended up with a list of six that looked like possibilities. After hanging out for a while with the family, and eating our share of the doughnuts, Dan and I took off. By then it was eleven o'clock, and even if we couldn't get anybody to answer the phone numbers they gave in the ads, at least we could eyeball the places from outside. The first place we went to looked like a fairly new development. There were probably twenty two-story buildings with what looked like eight apartments in each building. The entry had imposing brick gates on either side of the drive, and there was a building that appeared to be a recreation complex, with a nice pool behind it. The whole thing was landscaped very well, but there weren't too many cars around. We found the manager's apartment and rang the doorbell. A young guy came to the door. We told him we were looking for an apartment for me, and he called another young guy named Jim out to talk to us. Jim was actually the manager. He said that they had several vacant apartments but that they had only run one ad to economize. The place had opened in the spring, and they were only about half full. "That's why we're renting these for so little," he said. "Once this place fills up, these apartments will go for a good bit more than this, we hope." "How much is it?" I asked. "The first floor units are $785 a month, and the second floor units are $700," he said. The place was nice, and the one he showed us had never been lived in. It still had a strong odor of new carpet and new wood. There were indeed two decent-sized bedrooms, each with its own bath. The "master bedroom" had the bath leading off the room. The other bedroom had a door leading into the second bathroom, which was also accessible from the hall. The kitchen wasn't spectacular, or large, but there was a separate eating area and a very nice living room. There was a sliding glass door in the living room that opened onto a small balcony, which overlooked the pool. I thought the floor plan was nice. There was even a hookup for a washer and dryer off the kitchen. Because it was on the second floor, the living and dining areas had a cathedral ceiling. "Will you both be living here?" he asked. "No," I said. "Just me." "Do you have any pets? They're not prohibited, but there is a pet deposit that you have to put down if you have a pet," he said. "No. No pets," I said. "The place is wired for digital cable TV and Internet. Each unit has two designated parking places, but there is ample general parking for any guests you might have," he said. "Residents can use the Community Center for parties and whatnot when it's available, but you have to pay a cleaning fee each time you use it. We have a small gym in that building, too." "This is a nice place, don't you think?" I asked Dan. "I think it's very nice," he said. "How much furniture do you have?" "Not much. Since I don't have to pay alimony or child support, though, I can probably afford to buy a few pieces. Like a bed, for instance. And a sofa for the living room," I said. "Do your parents have any furniture in storage or anything?" Dan asked. "They might. I don't want to gut my room at their house, though. I know they'll let me take the entertainment center in my room, and, of course, the TV and DVD player and the stereo belong to me. They gave me the computer, and I know they'll expect me to take that. Carolyn and I bought a computer, but she kept it," I said. "Newly divorced?" the manager asked. "Yeah," I said. "There are a lot of single people living here. You'll fit right in," he said. "We've got a couple of more places on our list, but this one is looking good to me," I said. "Will you be here all day?" "If I'm not, my partner can help you out. He's the one who answered the door," he said. The word "partner" made me turn on my gaydar, but I wasn't getting any vibes out of him. Dan and I checked out a couple of more places we had circled in the paper, but none of them was as new or as nice as the first place was. By three o'clock I was tired of looking at apartments, and we went back to the first place and sealed the deal. I gave him all the checks he needed, and he gave me the keys. I could start moving in as soon as the utilities were turned on the next day. "I feel like such a grown-up," I said. "I know what you mean," Dan said. "I wish the electricity was turned on. We could have a campout there tonight." "I know. Me, too," I said. We were back at Kevin and Rick's place by four, and most of the guys were naked in the pool. I told Rick that I had rented an apartment, and he announced it to the crowd. I expect them to cheer at my good fortune. Instead, they booed. "Why are they booing?" I asked, very surprised and a little hurt by their reaction to what I considered good news. "They're booing because they don't want you to leave here," Rick said. "Like it or not, you're part of this family, Ken, and we don't like family members to leave." That put their reaction into a whole new light, and I actually choked up a little. I knew Dan did, too. "But we'll be back," I said. "Oh, I know that, and they do, too. But you won't be living here. The Townhouse Boys are here a lot, but they're not here all the time to play, like these guys would like them to be," Rick said. "Face it, Ken. You, and now Dan, too, are two of us, and that's the way it will always be." I was genuinely touched. I was very fond of everybody in the house. I knew some of them better than I did others, but they all had a place in my heart. "When will you be moving?" Rick asked. "They're supposed to turn on the electricity and telephone tomorrow. I could start moving tomorrow after work," I said. "How much do you have to move?" he asked. "My clothes and personal effects, of course. A few pieces of furniture from my folks' house. That's about all," I said. "Don't forget, I can get you a hell of a discount through the business on a lot of stuff, including furniture and kitchen equipment. Sheets, towels, pillows, pillow slips, curtains, blinds, too. Whatever you find in a hotel," he said. "Wow! You'd do that for me?" I asked. "Do you think we'd give you a place to live for months and not do that for you?" he asked. "Good point," I said, chuckling. "You need to make a list of what you want. Tomorrow, come up to see me, and I'll give you some catalogues to look through so you can pick out what you like," he said. "It usually takes about two days for the stuff we order to get here. In the meantime, you can stay here, hang out at Dan's place, or rough it in your new apartment." "I'm going to stay at Dan's place tonight. We need to work on a list," I said. "Is this an apartment for both of you?" Rick asked. "Not yet," Dan said. "It probably will be eventually, but we're taking everything slowly." "That's the best idea," Rick said. It would still be daylight for several hours, and Dan and I decided to go back to my new apartment and see what kind of dent we could make on the list. We worked on that for about an hour and got the list pretty complete. Then, as young lovers will, we fooled around and made love on the floor of my living room. I thought of it as a kind of christening of my new home.
One night we were hanging around the den. Actually, it was Kevin, Rick, Justin, Kyle, Tim, Brian, and me. Justin and Kyle didn't seem to ever have much homework. Of course, they didn't have class every day, so they had more time to do it than the rest of us. I knew Tim, Brian, and I had finished our homework. Sean must have been in his room, probably talking to his new friend, Scott. I knew Denny was in his room working. The phone rang, and Kyle answered it. "Murray, it's for you," he said. I had no idea who might be calling me on the house number. I had given my cell phone number to everybody at school who might want to call me, and that's how I got most of my calls. I took the cordless from Kyle and went into the study to take the call. It was my Nana. "Hello, my baby," she said, after I had said hello. "Nana! Hi! How are you?" I asked. "I'm doing okay, for an old lady," she said. "You're not old," I said. This was a favorite joke of ours. "Seventy-eight isn't young," she said. "I've been thinking about you a lot," I said. "I miss you so bad." "Oh, and I miss you, too, my Murray. Are the boys there being nice to you?" "Nana, this is the nicest group of boys I've ever known. I love these guys here," I said. "Do you still have a crush on the mensch?" "Nana!" I said. "You do, don't you. I'd like to meet this mensch. What's his name?" she asked. "Kyle," I said. "Kyle Goodson." "Is this Kyle a good boy? Does he behave himself? Is he kind?" she asked. "Of course, Nana. He's a mensch," I said. We talked for a long time. I called her at least once every week, sometimes more often, but I hadn't called her in eight or nine days. I knew she was lonely, and a lot of times it really made me sad to talk to her because she was all alone. I mean, there were a lot of people around, but I was her only family. "I wish I could see you," she said. "I'll bet you've grown. Those cigarettes haven't stunted your growth, have they?" I didn't know she knew I smoked. I mean, I only had three or four a day, but still. "No, Nana," I said. "Murray, don't be embarrassed. Boys smoke. As sure as there is night and day, boys smoke. Your father did when he was your age," she said. "So when are you coming to see me? I'd go see you, if I could." "I know you would, Nana, but I don't know when I'll be able to come see you," I said. "Well, I miss you, and I know you miss me. I love you, my Murray, with all my heart. Goodbye, my son," she said. "Goodbye, Nana. I love you with all my heart, too," I said. Tears were streaming down my face, as they always did when I talked to her on the phone. I didn't want to go back into the den until I had calmed down. All of a sudden, the phone I was holding rang. I answered it, and it was for Brian. I panicked for a second or two, but I knew I had to go back out there so Brian could take his call. I went into the den and told Brian it was for him. He took the phone from my hand, and he looked at my face. "Are you okay?" Brian asked before taking his call. "Yeah. I'm fine," I said. I wiped the tears away as best I could with my hands. Kyle saw what I was doing. "What's the matter, Bubba? Bad news?" Kyle asked. Of all the people in the house, Kyle was the one I liked the best. Denny was probably my best friend, but there was something about Kyle that was irresistible to me. But Kyle and Justin were both pretty gruff and very macho. Not put-on macho, just very masculine. That night, though, he was very sweet and nice to me. "I was just talking to my grandmother, and I always cry when I talk to her," I said. Kyle got up, came over to me, and put his arm around my shoulder. He led me to the sofa he had been sitting on, and he continued to hold me. "Justin and I are going to Pensacola this coming Saturday, aren't we, Justin?" Kyle said. "What the fuck are you talking about? I ain't going to Pensacola this Saturday, or any other Saturday that I know of," Justin said. "What the fuck I'm talking about is going to Pensacola to look at some boots. Don't you remember? I thought maybe Murray could go with us, and we could drop him off at the nursing home so he could see his grandma. Don't you remember, bonehead? It was your fucking idea to start with," Kyle said. Justin smiled. "Boots? I thought it was a camera for me," Justin said. "That, too," Kyle said. "Do you want to go with us, Murray?" I knew they didn't have plans to go to Pensacola and that they would be doing that just for me. All of a sudden, I started crying again. "Yes," I mumbled through my tears. "I thought you were diving on Saturday," Tim said. "Change of plans," Kyle said. "Justin and I are going to Pensacola, and Murray's coming with us. Who else wants to go?" They all said they already had plans. "We'll leave early and probably come home late. We might catch Mass at the Cathedral. I have a few things I need to say to that bishop, anyway," Kyle said. "Like what?" Kevin asked. "Like using ice water to baptize babies. If they're doing it in New Orleans, like they did to Rob, they're doing it here, too. I can guarantee you that," Kyle said. "Kyle, you're so full of shit," Rick said. "I'm serious as a heart attack, Rick. You heard him. The only time that baby even whimpered was when that priest poured that cold water on his head. And then he joked about it. They could have warmed that water up a little," Kyle said. "Don't be a crusader, son. It's not that big a deal," Rick said. Kyle laughed. He was only teasing, and even I knew that. "Can your grandma leave the nursing home, say to go out to lunch or something?" Kyle asked. "I don't know. Probably, if she takes her wheelchair," I said. Kyle pulled his cell phone out of the pocket of his shorts and tossed it to me. I, of course, missed the catch and let it fall to the floor. I was such a klutz. "Here, call your grandma back. Tell her you'll be there Saturday, and ask her if she can go out to lunch. If she can, tell her the four of us are going," Kyle said. I was so happy, I started crying again. I dialed the number, and it took a few minutes for them to get her to the phone. I told her I was coming Saturday. She said she could go out to lunch, too. "It's the mensch, isn't it?" she said. "Yes, Nana. It's the mensch," I said. "Kyle, thank you so much," I said, once I had hung up. "Don't thank me. You're just bumming a ride, Bubba," he said. I could tell that everybody in the room was so happy for me. I was so happy I could hardly stand it. I wanted Denny to go with us, and I went upstairs and asked him if he would. He said he couldn't, and I understood why. I was disappointed, but that didn't change how happy I felt. When I came downstairs, somebody had made big bowls of ice cream for everybody, including me. Kyle's had a banana standing straight up between two huge globs of ice cream that were covered with coconut. It sort of reminded me of an erection, but I got that thought out of my mind before I got one myself. "That's sugar-free and fat-free, Murray. You can eat that," Justin said. "By the way, how many pounds now?" "Twenty," I said. "I'm half-way there." * * * I went to the football game Friday night with the rest of them, but I couldn't have been less interested in it. I had no idea of the rules of football, or even the point of the game, for that matter, but I cheered whenever the rest of them did. My mind was totally on the next day. We went out to eat after the game, but all I ordered was a Diet Coke. Once I had started to really lose weight, I had gotten into it. After the first ten pounds, I noticed a big difference in my clothes, especially my pants. I had what they called "baggy butt" jeans, which meant my jeans were really too big for me. And the more I lost, the more I wanted to lose. I was working out every day with them, too, and I knew I was getting stronger and more muscular. I knew I would never look like Justin or Rick or Kyle, but I hoped that I might one day look like Tim or Brian or Kevin. The difference was, those guys ate everything in sight without gaining a pound. I was learning that I couldn't do that. The Friday afternoon before we went to Pensacola, Kyle took me to the mall and bought me a new pair of jeans. They were Levi 501's, and they fit me well. They really felt good on me, and the waist size was thirty-four inches. I wore those to the football game Friday night, and I would wear them to see Nana on Saturday. I had a hard time getting to sleep the night before our trip because I was so excited. While we were at the mall, Kyle had made me buy Nana a really nice robe, a big box of chocolates, and a copy of his book. Actually, he paid for all of it, including my new jeans. He woke me up around seven o'clock, and we were out of there by eight. We stopped at a shopping center near our house. He went through the drive-thru at a Burger King and got four sausage biscuits each for him and Jus and a large coke apiece, too. He got me orange juice. He asked the girl at the drive-thru for a spoon. While we were doing that, Jus ran into the Winn-Dixie that was there and came out with two cartons of low-fat, sugar-free blueberry yogurt and a container of cut-up mixed melon for me. The hot food they were eating smelled delicious, but I really didn't like sausage very much, anyway. They were taking care of me, though, and that made me feel really special. When we got to the nursing home, Nana was all dressed up. She and I hugged long and hard, and I cried. She loved the presents I had brought her, and she made a big deal of showing them to her roommate. She introduced us to the other lady in her room. Her name was Rose. She seemed really nice, and she also seemed happy for my Nana. "Miss Rose, what are your plans for today?" Kyle asked her. She was a little hard of hearing, so Kyle had to say it again, louder. "I don't have any plans," she said. "You do now. Get dressed. You're going out with us. You've got a date with two handsome studs. Him and me," Kyle said, pointing to Justin and then to himself. Miss Rose got sort of giddy. "I mean it. Get dressed. Do you need some help?" Kyle asked. "Yes," she said. "Press that button there to call an assistant," Nana said, and Kyle did it. "This lady's got a date with us today," Kyle said, when the assistant came in. "She needs to get dressed to go out on the town." The assistant was a young black woman who seemed totally charmed by Kyle and Justin. You could tell she really cared about those ladies, too. That made me feel good. "She'll be looking fine for you boys," she said. "Give us about fifteen minutes, guys. Go out and have some coffee or a smoke or something." We went out to the lobby to wait. "The idea of having a smoke sounded pretty good to me," Justin said. "Let's do it," Kyle said. We went outside to a patio, and all three of us had a smoke. Justin corrected me for the hundredth time about how I held my cigarette, but I knew he was only doing that because he cared about me. "I can tell those are some very nice ladies," Kyle said. "Me, too," Justin said. "Murray, I think you favor your Nana a little bit." "I know. I favor my dad, and he favored her," I said. "I think they're both just as cute as they can be," Kyle said. When they were ready, two assistants wheeled them out. Kyle picked up Nana, and Jus picked up Miss Rose to put them in Kyle's car. Both ladies giggled. There was plenty of room for their wheel chairs in the back. "Where to, girls?" Kyle said, once we were in the car and on the road. "Wherever you want to take us. The man decides what the date is going to be," Miss Rose said. "Yeah, but we don't know Pensacola. We don't know where to go," Kyle said. "How about Seville Square?" Nana said. "I don't know where that is," Kyle said. "Pull over and get directions," Justin said. Kyle pulled into a convenience store and went in to ask for directions. He came out with a piece of paper that must have had directions written on it. "Read this to me and tell me where to go," he said to Justin. I was in the middle seat between Nana and Miss Rose, and Justin was in the shotgun seat. We got to Seville Square, and Kyle parked the car. We got the two old ladies into their wheelchairs, again by picking them up, and off we went. We went into shop after shop after shop, and gallery after gallery after gallery. The ladies were having a blast, and I was, too. But I think the ones who were having the most fun were Kyle and Justin. They flirted with Nana and Miss Rose constantly. I never would have expected that. We had lunch at a very nice restaurant, and Kyle picked up the ticket. I ate a diet lunch. "Murray, are they feeding you in Emerald Beach?" Nana asked at lunch. "Yes, ma'am," I said. "But you're losing weight," she said. "I'm losing weight because I'm dieting, Nana. I've lost twenty pounds already, and I've got twenty to go," I said. "I've never told you this, but you've needed to lose a few, my Murray," she said. "I know, and my brothers are helping me do it, Nana," I said. "Brothers indeed, Murray. Don't ever lose them. They love you, son," she said. We hit some more shops in that area after lunch, and then we went to a movie. It was definitely a chick flick, and I knew Kyle and Justin weren't interested in it. They were just going to it for Nana and Miss Rose. Miss Rose nodded out a few times during the movie, but Nana didn't. "Boys, I didn't think they made movies like that anymore. Did you cry? I did," Nana said. "No, ma'am. I didn't cry, but it was a good one," Kyle said. "Murray, I know this is the one you think is a mensch, and he is. But this other one is a mensch, too. This Justin," she said. "I know, Nana," I said. "I'm a lucky boy." "You don't even know how lucky you are," she said. Saying goodbye was hard, but we had had an unbelievably wonderful day. "Ladies, today was about the best time I've ever had with my clothes on," Kyle said, as we were saying goodbye. They giggled like middle school girls. "Shame on you, Kyle," Nana said, grinning and laughing. "No, ma'am, shame on you. I'm forever spoiled," Kyle said. "It's time for you to go home, Kyle," Nana said. "Thank you so much, boys. It's been a wonderful day for Rose and me. Take care of my baby, Kyle." "Don't you worry, Nana," Kyle said. "We will. And this ain't the last time you'll be seeing us. You and Miss Rose might just become our steady girlfriends." She beamed. Driving home Kyle said, "Goddamn it, Murray. We forgot to look at the boots and the cameras. You asshole. You suckered us into this. Now we’ll have to come back." "Shut up, Kyle, and thank you. I've never had a better day in my life," I said. He and Justin didn't say anything. "Say something," I said. "Thank you, Murray. That's what today was all about, and I'm glad it turned out like we wanted it to. Go to sleep or something," Kyle said. I could tell Kyle and Justin were both very emotional at that point. We drove along Highway 98 home to Emerald Beach. We passed a Baskin-Robbins in Ft. Walton Beach, and Kyle whipped back around as soon as he could. We stopped at that ice cream store and each of them got a huge treat. I got a regular one, too, and neither of them said a word about it.
"I'm so tired," I said. "Me, too, but didn't you have fun today?" "Rose, I had a fabulous time," I said. "Did you?" "Do you have to ask?" Rose said. "I didn't think so," I said. "Those boys were cute, weren't they?" "They were very cute," she said, and she laughed. "Did you know all three of those boys are homosexuals?" I asked. "No, but I wish you had told me before we went out with them. I would have felt safer," she said. I laughed, and she did, too. "I have a grandson who is a homosexual," Rose said. "So do I," I said. "Yes, but the difference is, yours comes to see you and takes us out. Mine doesn't come to see me," she said. "He lives in Texas." "Is he ashamed of being a homosexual? I think my Murray was for a time, but it doesn't seem that he is anymore," I said. "I don’t know if my Todd is. I wish he could meet Murray and his friends. He and his father fight about it all the time. You and I have known about homosexuals all our lives, haven't we?" "Yes, but I think the new generation is a lot more accepting of that than our generation was when we were younger. Did you know any homosexuals as a girl?" I asked. "No." Rose said. "I didn't either. I know you didn't know these boys today were homosexuals. Did you have any sense that they were? Or did it matter to you?" I asked. "I did wonder about your grandson," Rose said. "Yes, he's pretty sissified, isn't he? But you know what? I don't care, and his two manly friends didn't either," I said. "I know," Rose said. "This was the best day I've had in a very long time, and I don't care if the whole world is homosexual." "Me, either," I said. "What difference does it make?" |