After my mom died and our house burned down, things were pretty grim for me. Kevin and Rick took me in without so much as a "Mister, may I," and they and the other guys made me a part of their family. Kevin helped me with all of the legal stuff, and, as a result, I ended up with a nice little nest egg to get started on. The money in no way made up for what I had lost, of course, but, still, I had it. Kevin hooked me up with a really good financial planner, and I felt as though my financial affairs were in good order. I was still working and going to school, of course, and that actually helped me keep my mind focused on something other than what had happened. Besides, it wasn't enough money for me to just quit and live on forever. One of the things they all insisted on doing was going with me to our old house and searching through the rubble for things that might have escaped the fire. We did it five or six times, and we turned up some things I was glad to have. The fire marshal had determined that the cause of the fire was electrical. Evidently, there had been a faulty circuit breaker that had caused it. My lawyer said the insurance company would probably sue the manufacturer over that. We found stuff, like my mother and dad's wedding silverware. It was sterling silver, and they had gotten almost a full set as gifts. The wood box it was in was burned a little bit, but the silver was fine. That was a nice thing to have. We found some jewelry, too. My mom had a set of diamond earrings that weren't messed up and a string of pearls, too. The thread that held the pearls together in a necklace had melted or something, but the pearls themselves were fine. The more we dug around, the more stuff we found that was still useable. We found a man's wedding ring that I was sure was my dad's, and I put it on right there. More than getting that stuff back, sifting through that rubble made me realize that the objects we have aren't nearly as important as the people in our lives. Time and again I'd pick up a piece of something that my mom had treasured, and I would cry. Then one of the guys would put his arm around me to comfort me, and I would feel overwhelming emotion at that gesture of concern. There was no way I could ever express how much their love and support meant to me, and I thanked God every day, almost every hour, in fact, for them. "We've got somebody we want you to meet," Jeff said one Saturday afternoon a few weeks later. He and Tyler were at the house, and the three of us were shooting pool. "Oh, yeah? Who's that?" I asked. "A friend of mine, actually," Ty said. "A guy in my unit, in fact." "So what's up with him?" I asked. "He's twenty-three, blond hair, blue eyes. He's about six feet, I guess, probably 170, maybe a little more. Very cute. He's from Arizona. He's gay. He's dated some, but he's never been in a serious relationship. He loves sports, both playing and watching. And he's one of the nicest guys I've ever known," Tyler said. "He sounds pretty good," I said. "Would you like to meet him?" Jeff asked. "Sure, I'd like to meet him. Guys, I've got to tell you, though. I don't have much experience," I said. "That's not a problem, Chuck. He's never been into the 'gay scene' of clubs and that kind of thing. I think you guys can be good friends, if nothing more," Ty said. "You're going to meet a real boy-next-door type, just like you are." We went to church that night, and then out to eat, like we always did on Saturday night. The rest of them went home or out to do whatever it was they did, and Jeff, Ty, and I met up with Tony. It was "like" at first sight, for me. Spring Break was in full swing, so all the attractions and places were open and active. Tony was really, really nice, and the four of us had a great time that night riding go-carts, bungee jumping, riding this contraption that was sort of the reverse of bungee jumping, talking, playing miniature golf, laughing, and just having a good time. We drank a few beers along the way, and we looked for all the world like four college students having a good time on the beach. Which was pretty much what we were. "I'd like to see you again," Tony said, when it was time for us to split up and go home. "I'd like to see you again, too," I said. We exchanged numbers, and then we shook hands. "You liked him, didn't you?" Tyler asked on the way home. "Yeah, I did," I said. "He liked you, too," Ty said. "He told me he did." This whole dating thing was brand new to me. I knew to be careful and not to fall for the first guy who was nice to me and who liked me. But damn! He was unbelievable. Tony and I went out with Jeff and Ty a few more times, and we started calling each other. Kevin and Rick seemed to have an endless supply of cell phone accounts, and I took full advantage of that with Tony. We talked about absolutely everything. Nothing was off limits, and nothing in our lives was too trivial to share. I thought I was falling in love. I thought about him the first thing in the morning and the last thing at night. And all the time between then, I kept making mental notes of what I wanted to tell him when we talked that night. He started meeting me after work. We'd have coffee, and maybe a sandwich or something, and we'd linger over that for hours. I had saved my easiest electives for that last semester, and I was glad I had. I didn't have very much time for school work. He was in school, too, on a part-time basis, and a few times I went to his apartment, which was very small and very crowded, to study. We'd study for an hour or two, and then we'd talk until midnight or later. Just being together was arousing for both of us, but we dated for weeks before we even kissed. When we finally kissed, it was magic. "Chuck, I want you so bad," he said. "I've never said that before because I've never felt this way before." "Me, too," I said. By the standards of many gay guys our age, what we did that night wasn't just vanilla ice cream sex, it was skim milk sex. But for us it was a total sharing, a total giving of ourselves to the other. After that, there was no turning back. "I love you," I said. "I love you, too," he replied.
If there was anything at all I didn't like about living with Kevin and Rick, it was the amount of change that went on there constantly. I'm a person who doesn't like change. I want things to be the same. I want to know who I'm going to face across the breakfast table every morning. I want to know that Brian is always going to be the same unbelievable sweetheart he was. I want to know that Kyle is always going to be Kyle, and that he and Tim are always going to be together. There was a good bit of that, but changes were taking place all the time, too. Don't get me wrong. A lot of them were good changes. Most, in fact. I just didn't like having to change. The first big one that spring was with my buddy Chuck. I felt like he and I were special friends. Then Jeff and Tyler introduced him to this guy named Tony. Don't get me wrong. I liked Tony a whole lot, but him entering the scene changed the equation. One part of me was happy that Chuck had met somebody he liked so much. The other part of me was sort of unsettled by that. I wasn't jealous or anything like that. I wasn't interested in Chuck as a boyfriend. We were just good friends. But, all of a sudden, I wasn't his only friend anymore. He had Tony, too, and I had to adjust. Then it came up that Ron was going back home. I didn't feel all that close to Ron, but I liked him a lot, and he was going to be leaving. And Kyle was fixing to graduate. What the hell was that supposed to mean? I had only ever known Kyle as a high school kid. Pretty soon he wasn't going to be one anymore. "What's the matter, Bubba? You look sad," Rick said one day. He caught me in the den, and I was thinking about all of that. "I don't get it, Rick. Why do things have to change so much?" I asked. "What are you talking about, Jus?" he said. "Well, you know. All the change that's going on around here," I said. "Like what?" "Well, like Chuck getting a boyfriend. And Ron moving back home. And Kyle graduating," I said. "Justin, that's just life, man," Rick said. "We're all going to miss Ron, but he's going to be happier with his mom than he is here. We'll see him again, though." "I know. I want him to be happy. And Chuck, too. That's why it's so confusing to me," I said. "You want stability, don't you?" Rick asked. "Absolutely," I said. "I've got to have it." "Jus, you went through a lot in your life before you got here, man. I'm not surprised that change would bother you," Rick said. "I know. Brian said the same thing," I said. "I don't want to be weird about this, man." "Well, you don't act weird one bit. Do you think you'd like to see a counselor and talk to somebody about this?" Rick asked. "See a counselor? When I've got the two best counselors in the whole fucking world right here? You and Kevin? You're kidding, right? Naw. I'm not crazy, Rick. I have a few problems I need to work through, but it's not that big a deal," I said. And it really wasn't. I was happy Ron was going to go home to his mom and brothers, and I was very happy that Chuck had found Tony. It was just hard for me to deal with. "Are you happy about graduating," I asked Kyle one day. He and I were alone. "Yeah, I guess," he said. "What do you mean, you guess? I thought that was supposed to be a happy time," I said. "Some of my friends are so happy to graduate they can't wait. But in a week, I'm going to leave behind all that I've ever known. I've always been a boy, Jus. A school boy. In a week, that's all over. It's not like I'm going to get a lot of freedom and stuff. I've already got that. I've only ever known myself as a kid in school. That's who I've always been. I don't know what to expect, and it's scaring the shit out of me," he said. I put my arm around his shoulders, and, for once, he let me do it without making some wiseass comment or shaking me off him. "Change hurts, doesn't it?" I said. "Oh, man, it's hurting so much more than I thought it would. The other day Philip and I were talking about this. He's feeling the same way I am. I know I'm ready for anything that's going to come my way, especially with Tim and you and Brian at my side, but it's scary, man," he said. "I talked to Rick about change the other day, and about how much I don't like it," I said. "What'd he say?" "He asked me if I wanted to see a counselor. That was about the tenth time he or Kevin asked me that. I don't need a counselor. I just need my boys around me. I'm glad to hear change bothers you, too. Maybe I ain't that abnormal," I said. "It bothers the hell out of me, man. Ron's going. I mean, I ain't that close to Ron, but I care about him, you know? You and me first met him in the hospital. Remember that?" "Of course I remember," I said. "He's going to leave a hole in this family. And Chuck? He's going to marry that Tony boy one day. They don't even know how much in love they are with each other, but I do. The signs are so big, they're scary. Chuck will be gone by the end of the summer, I guarantee it," Kyle said. "That's exactly what I'm thinking, too," I said. "I'm happy for them. Don't get me wrong. It's just that we clean house two or three times a year around here. You get to like a guy. You get to love him, even, and then he's gone. The main one for me was Chris Uhle. I love that boy so much. He's doing so good now, too. Did you know he's driving now?" "No, I didn't know that. You're not shitting me, are you?" I asked. "I will shit you about a lot of things, but I'll never shit you about Chris. Yeah, man. He's driving now. Walking on crutches. He's got him a girlfriend, and everything. Justin, they went to a damn dance at school, and the two of them danced. I think it must have been a Sadie Hawkins dance, or something like that. He sent me their picture from the dance, and she is fine. And they're doing it, too, Bubba," he said. He punched his hand back and forth a few times when he said "they're doing it," just in case I had been born two minutes before that moment and didn't know what "doing it" meant. Thank you, Kyle, for the visual, but I didn't really need it, I thought. "Are we going to see Chris this summer?" I asked. "Yeah, I think he and David are coming down for a couple of weeks. Chris needs to go down south to see his grandparents, but we're thinking right now he's going to be here for the Fourth of July," Kyle said. "That's the day our baby's going to be born," I said. "God, I hope and pray that is the day, Bubba," he said. "That would be so good, if it was." "That's the day it's going to be," I said. "I feel it deep inside me." "If that's the day, or whenever it is, I'm hauling ass to New Orleans as soon as we hear." "Yeah, and the rest of us will be right there with you. But you know what, Kyle? That's change, and that's good," I said. He was quiet for a second. He wedged that thumbnail in between those front bottom teeth like he did when he was thinking. "I guess change isn't always bad, is it?" he said. "I guess not."
I took three AP exams in the last month of school. I was taking the courses in AP Biology and AP European History, so naturally I took those two exams, but I also took the AP English Language and Composition exam. That was the AP English test the juniors took, and the seniors took the one in literature. All three exams were hard, and I left the testing room not really sure of how well I had done. I didn't always have perfect papers on tests and exams, but I always felt good about how well I had done. Not on those three, though. I had decided to take American History during the first half of summer school and trig the second half. Those were both junior courses, and it would leave me room in my schedule to take economics and some electives that I needed to graduate. I was planning to do what Kyle had done and finish off senior English by dual enrolling in the two freshman courses at the college. I wasn't afraid of hard work, and I knew I was smart enough to do all of that and still get good grades in everything. I was making some sacrifices to do it, though. For one thing, I wouldn't get to take AP American History. The teacher of that course was one of the best in the whole school, and I had been looking forward to having him. I also wouldn't get to take AP Physics. They wouldn't let you take more than one AP science course at a time, and I was taking AP Chemistry as a junior. I was going to take honors physics, too, but that wasn't as demanding as AP Physics was. "I wish there was a way I could take AP French," I said to Tim. He and I schemed endlessly about what I should take and when I should take it to get the most out of school in the least amount of time. "I know, but you need at least French III before you can take that, and your schedule is too full to try to fit that in," he said. "I know," I said. I didn't know if one day I would regret rushing through high school the way I was doing it, but I felt that it was something I had to do. Tim was all set to graduate the next year, and I knew he wasn't interested in postponing going to the university for a whole year while I finished my senior year of high school. There was no way in hell I could ever allow myself to be responsible for breaking up the four of us, even for a year, especially when it was doable. "Does Justin know the kinds of sacrifices you're making so the four of us can go to New Orleans together?" Tim asked. "No, I don't think he does. He and Kyle both talk about school in terms of getting courses out of the way. I don't think they see education the same way you and I do, Bubba," I said. He grinned. "You don't? For real?" We both laughed hysterically. "That was a pretty dumb observation, wasn't it?" I said. "I've been pretty impressed at Justin's grades in college," Tim said. "Me, too. In fact, I think it's a borderline miracle," I said. "He does really study hard, though. I've helped him a few times, and I know that Kevin and Rick have both helped him a bunch of times. But, as Kevin says, this family has more resources than most, and we use them." "Changing the subject, do you want to work at a gift shop again this summer?" Tim asked. "I've been thinking about that. We can make a lot more money as bellhops," I said. "I know. That's what I've been thinking, too. You know, other guys our age worry about money for college and all of that, but I don't ever think about it," Tim said. "There's so much money everywhere we turn. I don't really ever think about it, either," I said. "You and I are going to get Foley Scholarships to Tulane. You know that, don't you?" Tim said. "I'm going to go for a Presidential Scholarship," I said. "We both should." "Oh, I will. They only give out twenty of those a year, though. What are the odds of both of us getting them?" Tim said. "Probably not too good, but we both absolutely fit the profile," I said. "That would be so good if we both got one," Tim said. * * * There were three big parts of my life. Justin and the family was the biggest and most important part to me. School was probably next, but the dogs were a very close third. Trixie was unbelievable, and she behaved way better than most eight-year-old kids. She was like a person to me and to the rest of the family, and I was so glad I had worked with her to make her that loveable and that easy to have around. Krewe was more of a challenge than Trix had been. Of course, Krewe was much younger when we got her than Trixie had been, and somebody had started the basics with Trixie before we ever found her. But Krewe was coming along very nicely. It was so incredible to me how much Trixie helped me train Krewe. It was going to be very, very hard on us boys to drive away from North Lagoon Drive in a little over a year, but it was going to be hard on the dogs to be separated, too. I worked at Mr. Mack's place most afternoons after school. Some days I stayed at school for meetings or what not, but most days, and some Saturdays, I worked the dogs. Justin usually went with me on Saturday when I had to work, and he was learning how to train them, too. Mr. Mack charged $3,000 to train a dog to hunt, and he charged $1,000 to train a dog to basic obedience and a few minor tricks. I could do both, but he was much more experienced as a hunter than I was, having only gone bird hunting with him a dozen times or so, so he usually trained the hunters. I trained the obedience dogs. "Brian, I've got a business proposition for you, son. Sit down. Let's talk," he said. We were on his back porch, and we each had a glass of lemonade his wife had made from scratch. Mine needed a little more sugar, but it was okay. "What are you doing this summer?" "I'm going to summer school in the morning, and then I'll be working in the afternoon," I said. "Doing what?" "Probably a bellhop at the Laguna Hotel," I said. "Here's what I was thinking. I've got way more dogs for basic obedience than I can handle. Than the two of us can handle, I mean. I've got a bunch of people wanting me to train their hunting dogs, too. There's a lot of money to be made with all of that. How would you feel about training dogs every afternoon, and on the weekends, too, maybe?" It had never crossed my mind that I would work anywhere but at a Goodson Enterprises place, but that sounded really good. "I would be willing to give you a 70-30 split," he said. I must have had a real puzzled look on my face, because he said, "That's 70% for you, 30% for me, for every dog you train." Wow! I thought. If I trained ten dogs, I'd make $7,000. I didn't think there was any way I could make that much at the hotel in three months, especially working half time. "How many do you think I could train over the summer?" I asked. "I'd say you could knock out thirty, easy," he said. I quickly did the mental math. My God! I thought. That would be over $20,000 for a summer job. "You're figuring the numbers, ain't you," he said, grinning at me. "Yes, sir," I said. "Don't blush, son. That's the first thing anybody would do," he said. Then he laughed. "Yeah, I'll do it," I said. "I'd like to see this continue after school starts back up, too," he said. "You can probably train you four or five a month during school." "Mr. Mack . . . " "You think it's too much money, don't you?" "Yeah. I'm just a kid," I said. "I knew you would think that, Brian. But you're a kid with a very rare gift from God. A natural ability to communicate with dogs, and that don't come cheap, son. The God I believe in says don't bury your talents in a field. Don't hide your light under a bushel basket. Take advantage of what the Good Lord gave you, son. It would be wrong to do otherwise," he said. That night I told everybody what Mr. Mack had said. "He's right, Brian. About your talent, I mean. If people are willing to pay that kind of money for what you can do, then take it, son," Kevin said. "He said I'd probably have to go to the dog owners' homes to help with housebreaking," I said. "You be mighty careful, you hear me," Justin demanded. "I'll be careful," I said. "You need to go with him the first time he goes to a house," Rick said. "Don't you think, Babe?" "You took the words right out of my mouth," Kevin said. "Brian, don't go to anybody's house the first time without Justin, you hear? We mean that, Bubba. That's a strict rule. Even that might not be 100% safe, but you'll probably be able to judge." "Okay," I said. I thought they were being overly cautious. I thought I could take care of myself, but they were my parents. Besides, having Jus along would be fun. "While we have everybody here talking about summer jobs, who's going to do what?" Kyle asked. "Chuck's going to join the sales team," Kevin said. "Why him?" Kyle asked. Chuck threw a pillow at Kyle and hit him in the head. We all laughed. "Because he's a college graduate, that's why," Kevin said. "This is the start of his career." "I didn't go to any graduation for him," Kyle said. "Yeah, maybe not, but he graduated, Kyle. He got a degree. A college degree," Kevin said. "Did your college have a graduation?" Kyle asked Chuck. "Yes, but I didn't participate," Chuck said. "I had never wanted to do it. I was going to because my mother wanted me to, but . . . " We were all real quiet. That was heavy. "I don't blame you," Kyle said. "I would get out of my high school graduation, if my parents would let me. Those things are a crock of shit." "So, what kind of job is Kyle going to have this summer? Yard man?" Justin asked. I knew he was changing the subject, and I was glad he did. "Yard man, my ass. I want to be in sales," Kyle said. "I think I'd like doing that." "Kyle, you ain't never going to be anything but a bellhop," Justin said. "Oh, and maybe owner, one of these days. The owner-bellhop." "Shut up, asshole," Kyle said. "Don't talk about that." "I think Kyle can work up to desk clerk, eventually. In about a dozen years or so," Rick said. "I ain't studying you guys. Y'all are all fools. I'm going into the restaurant business. I put in my application at Red Lobster, Triple J Steakhouse, and Sonny's Bar-B-Que just this week," Kyle said. "You're kidding, right?" Kevin said. "Applebee's, Ruby Tuesday's, and Outback next week," he said. "I can do whatever the hell I want. I don't need Goodson Enterprises and all that shit they got." Kyle was building up to the biggest "got you last" in history. Kevin and Rick were noticeably disturbed over the fact that he was asserting himself over them, over his family, and, ultimately, over himself. I looked at Tim and Justin, and I knew they knew what was going on. "Kyle, you don't want to go into the restaurant business, son," Rick said. "Take it from one who's been there. Sure, it's fun, but the hours are killer to family life. Tim's not going to have anything remotely like your hours, man. You'll never see each other." "Tim who?" That was it. The joke was up, and everybody knew it. "I think you just got yourself last, Kyle," Kevin said. "Shit!" Kyle said. "This was going to be the best 'got you last' ever, and I fucked it up. Damn!" "So where do you want to work?" Kevin asked. "The Laguna again," Kyle said. He was annoyed with himself, and it was funny as hell. "Tyler's going to need a job," Tim said. "His last day in the Coast Guard is May 31st, remember?" "I've already talked to Tyler. He's all set," Kevin said. "What's he going to be? Director of Sales or something?" Kyle asked. "No. He's going to be a bellhop, just like you," Kevin said. "He'll eventually move to desk clerk, and then probably into sales, after he gets his degree." "I think they all need a little time in housekeeping," Justin said. "That's where you really get to know the guests. Dirty underwear and all." "You're probably right," Rick said. "You don't get tips in housekeeping," Kyle said. "Ty needs to be able to make as much money as possible. He doesn't need to change sheets and clean toilets. He knows how to do that shit." "I was thinking you, not him," Justin said. "I'll do it. I don't care. Me and Tim can make a team," Kyle said. "No. You all are not doing that," Kevin said. "We need good looking people out front, where all the guests can see them. Tim, Kyle, and Tyler are going to be bellhops. Denny's going to be a pool boy at the Laguna. Everybody works together at the same place." "Where are Trixie and Krewe going to work?" Kyle asked. The dogs perked up a little when they heard their names, but they stayed lying down. They looked at me for my reaction, and I just looked back at them. "They can guard all the money we'll be making," Tim said. "Changing the subject, Kyle, what are you doing after graduation?" Rick asked. "I'm coming home. Some of my friends are renting condos for the week, but the most fun is going to be here, I think. What do you think about driving over to Pensacola on the morning of Memorial Day?" Kyle asked. "The New Orleans people will be heading in that direction. We can just follow them, can't we?" "Why do you want to go to Pensacola?" Rick asked. "There's the big gay thing over there that weekend. They're expecting a hundred thousand gay people that weekend, and I'd like to see that," Kyle said. "How do you know about that?" Kevin asked. "Philip found out about it. I checked their Web site, and it's going to be a very big deal," Kyle said. "I guess we could do that," Rick said. "I mean, you all can do it, even if Kevin and I don't go." "Philip's parents will only let him go if you or Kevin or both of you go, too," Kyle said. "We'll go, then," Rick said. "We might all come home with new honeys." We all laughed.
The night before graduation, we all went to the Senior Recognition Assembly at school. Kyle was in charge of it, or, at least, he was the Master of Ceremonies. I was so proud of Kyle, seeing him up on that stage. He had done a fantastic job as SGA president that year, and that assembly was one of his major "public appearances" of the year. I was plenty smart, but Kyle had talents I didn't have. I could no more have gotten up there and done what he did than fly. When I compared Kyle with his friends his age, he seemed older and more mature. He claimed that he was just pushy and bossy by nature, but that was just his way of putting himself down. He was really more the take-charge type, and he got people working together without resenting him. That was a real art, I thought, and it wasn't a talent that I shared with him. People pretty much liked me okay, but people loved Kyle. He had to give a short speech at the graduation ceremony, and he had worked hard on it. When that speech was over, his official duties as SGA president would be complete. "Will you be glad not to be president anymore," I asked him. "Sort of. I've enjoyed it, though," he said. "I know you have. You've worked hard, too," I said. "That's just the way I do things, Tim, in case you haven't figured that out by now," he said. "What's been the one thing this year you're proudest of?" I asked. "That's hard to say. I guess the sense of openness and tolerance that I feel at school is the thing I'm proudest of, but I only contributed to that. I didn't cause it," he said. "Don't you think that being as out as you were helped make that happen?" I asked. "Well, that was my goal, anyhow," he said. "Are you surprised at how many people have come out this year?" "I'm surprised at both the number and at who the people are. I heard one kid say they ought to change the school colors to pink and lavender," I said. "Was he putting us down?" "No. In fact, he's gay," I said. "I don't think those two colors go good together. I think you want two colors that stand out more from each other," he said. "Are you serious?" He broke out laughing. "No. That's just more of my bullshit," he said. "Come here. Have I told you lately I love you?" |