The house seemed pretty empty when Kyle, Tim, Justin, and Brian went on their trip to Washington for Spring Break. There are a lot of people in this house, but it's Kyle and Justin who really keep everything bouncing. They are constantly making wisecracks and put-downs and jokes. I really envy their relationship with each other and with their boyfriends, Tim and Brian. They are the way guys are supposed to be, gay or straight. "I feel like we have a new family," Rick said. It was the Saturday night that the rest of them left on their trip, and it was Rick, Kevin, Ron, Chuck, Brady, and me. Brady was spending the night, as he often did on weekends. Chip would have been here, too, but his mom had made him go with her to see his grandparents for Spring Break. We had gone to church, like we always did on Saturday night, and then out to eat. We were in the den, just hanging out. "It feels kind of hollow without them," I said. "Hollow? Hell, it feels restful and quiet to me without Mister Bigstuff," Rick said. "Do you mean Kyle?" Chuck asked. "What other Mister Bigstuff is there?" Rick asked. Rick had been incredibly good to me, taking me places, working with me on my debate research, helping to edit my writing. I really loved him, and I thought he loved me, too. But there was some kind of secret and special link between Rick and Kyle, and I knew it. It was almost like ESP or something between the two of them, and there was a huge amount of love. They never gave each other a minute's peace for teasing and cutting up, but they loved each other very much, and it was obvious. "Well, I'm going to miss those guys," Chuck said. "Justin and I have gotten to be good friends." "We're all going to miss them, Chuck, but they'll be home in a week," Kevin said. "How did you and Rick get involved with taking care of kids," Brady asked. "We used to live in a different house, about two blocks down the street," Kevin said. "Tim and his dad were our next door neighbors. George asked us if we would be Tim's guardians while he was on a Navy hospital ship in the Indian Ocean to support the troops in Afghanistan. We said 'yes,' and that's how it all started." "Were Tim and Kyle boyfriends already?" Ron asked. "No. But they became boyfriends the first night Tim stayed with us. That was two years ago in January. They knew each other before, of course. Rick and I didn't know Kyle, and we called him The Smoker, because he smoked. We were really skeptical of him, but you see how it worked out," Kevin said. "Does Kyle smoke?" Chuck asked. "Not often," Rick said. "I think he has a cigarette now and then, but he's not a regular smoker anymore. He's like me." "You smoke, Rick?" Brady asked. "I haven't in months, but I do from time to time," Rick said. "I used to smoke every day, but that was a long time ago." We watched a movie that night, and Rick made a treat with popcorn and cut-up Snickers. Kyle made that sometimes, and it was really good. Your hand got all sticky and messy from eating it, but the taste was worth the mess. The two dogs were in there with us, of course. Krewe was playing with some kind of leather bone thing, and she was pretty active. Trixie was very quiet, though. She was lying down, and she looked kind of sad. "Trixie misses Brian," Kevin said. She perked up when she heard that. I didn't know if it was because he said her name or because he said Brian's name, but she had her head up, and she was wagging her tail. "You want Brian, don't you?" Rick said. She barked and wagged her tail really hard. Just then the phone rang. Rick answered it. "Let me put you on speaker so she can hear you," Rick said. "Hi, everybody," Brian said. Trixie was on her feet in a second. She barked when she heard who it was. "Hi, Trix," Brian said. He was laughing with delight. She barked back to him. "I love you, too, Trixie," Brian said. "Be a good girl while I'm gone. Take care of Krewe." She barked again and whined a little bit. It was like she was talking to him, and you could tell that just hearing his voice made her happy. She sat down in front of the phone and listened to everything. All the guys got on to tell us they were safe. They were back at their hotel after going on a bus tour of the city, and they were getting ready to go out on the town in the gay neighborhood they were staying in. They thought the tour of the city at night was the best thing like that they had ever done, and it really sounded like they were having fun. They didn't stay on the phone more than ten minutes, but the effect on Trixie was incredible. After their call, she was up playing with Krewe. She would take her leather bone away from her and toss it with her mouth. Krewe would go after it and bring it back to Trixie. It was amazing. It was like that dog understood those boys were safe, or something. "Have any of you ever been out in a gay neighborhood?" Chuck asked. "Sure," Rick said. "Kevin and I have been in several gay neighborhoods, and the boys have, too." "You mean the Big Four?" Ron asked. "I'm sorry, Ron. I need to be careful about that. You guys are our boys just as much as they are. They've just been around here so damn much longer," Rick said. "We know that, Rick," Chuck said. "I ought to be out tonight hunting up a score." "What does that mean?" Brady asked. "He means finding some guy to spend the night with," Ron said. "Would you do that?" Brady asked. "Well, obviously not tonight," Chuck said. "Hell, I'm not very experienced at all, guys. I may be 22 years old, but you could describe my experience in detail on a postcard, and still have plenty of room for the address." That made us laugh, and it made me feel good that an older guy like him didn't have a lot of sex experience. I didn't have any, but I was beginning to think about it more and more. "The only thing I've ever done is kiss a boy and jerk him off," Ron said. "And he jerked me off, too, a few times. That's it." "Guys, having sex with another guy isn't what makes us gay," Kevin said. "If you're in a relationship like Rick and I are, or the Big Four, or Jeff and Tyler, then sex is going to be part of it. But it's the love, the concern for one another, that creates the relationship. It's not the sex. Sex is just one way among a million ways of expressing that love and concern and unity." "Father Jerry told me I can have a boyfriend without having sex with him," Brady said. "I thought that's what having a boyfriend meant," I said. "A boyfriend is somebody you're dating," Rick said. "Do you think every guy in your school who has a girlfriend is getting laid? A lot are, sure, but people date for a long time, sometimes, before they start having sex. The older they are, probably the less time it takes for them to get sexual, but most of the guys your ages who have girlfriends aren't getting laid." "I read on the Internet the other day that the latest survey showed that 46% of high school students are having sex. That's down from a few years ago," Kevin said. "You guys are in the majority, not the minority, when it comes to having sex." "They're getting something, though," Ron said. "Well, sure. You know, they make out, and both of them get aroused. That's natural. And that's a form of sex, in a sense. But they're not really having out and out sex," Rick said. "Ron said he kissed a boy and they jerked each other off. Was that having sex?" Brady asked. "Absolutely," Kevin said. "That's all some gay couples ever do. Please don't think that having sex requires penetration in some way. Because it doesn't." "How free are we to ask questions here?" Chuck asked. "Totally free, Bubba," Rick said. "Okay, then I want to know this. What's the point of anal sex? Doesn't it hurt?" Chuck asked. "Before we answer that, I want you guys to know that you have a right to this kind of information. Talking about it is probably going to give you a hard-on, and it might us, too. But just know that what we're talking about is totally natural and normal, okay?" Kevin said. "And so is the reaction, if there is one." "Okay," we all more or less said. "Chuck, men have a gland, the prostate gland, that manufactures most of what you see as cum when you ejaculate. It's very sensitive to the touch, and it feels incredibly good to have the prostate massaged and rubbed. The only way to get to the prostate is through the butt. That's what the physical side of anal sex is all about," Kevin said. "But the real point of it for two people who are in love is the surrender to the other one, the trust, the giving of yourselves to each other. At least, that's what it is for us." "Doesn't it hurt, though?" Chuck asked. "Yeah, it can hurt at first. I'm going to say some stuff that sounds pretty gross, but it's related, okay? Have you ever taken a really, really big dump? I mean with really king-size turds?" Kevin asked. "Well, yeah. I guess I have," Chuck said. "Did it hurt?" "Maybe for a few seconds, I guess," Chuck said. "Well, those really big ones like I'm talking about are about the size of a penis. If the partner prepares his lover well, it only hurts about as much as those do," Kevin said. "And with practice, it doesn't hurt at all." "Prepares him how?" Brady asked. "Well, lube is extremely important," Kevin said. "And lots of it. The top, the guy who is going to put his dick inside, needs to work the bottom's ass really well. A lot of lube, a lot of fingers, a lot of loving care and concern for his partner. He needs to work it into the bottom boy's butt really well. It takes time to do it, too. There are no quickies at first. The bottom boy needs to consciously relax his muscles down there as much as he can, and it helps if he bears down like he's going to the bathroom when the guy enters him, too. That's a lot to remember, but that's the best way to do it." "And take it very slow, guys," Rick said. "No ramming into a guy. Ever. That's what rapists do, not lovers." "For Rick and me, having sex that way is a very wonderful and special experience, but a whole lot of guys, maybe even as many as half, don't really like even the idea of anal sex. If your partner doesn't want it 100%, don't do it. Do what both of you feel comfortable doing," Kevin said. "That's why it's called 'making love,' not 'ramming ass.'" We all laughed when he said that. "What he just said should be the guiding principle for your whole sex lives, guys. If both people don't want it equally, don't do it. If you ask your partner if you can fuck him, and he says, 'well, I guess so,' he ain't ready for it, and don't you dare do it. I mean that, little brothers. Sex is supposed to be fun. Equally. For both guys. Don't you ever do anything that your partner isn't 100% eager to do," Rick said. We were all very quiet, and I was pretty sure we were all processing what they had just told us. I didn't know about the rest of them, but my penis had been hard as a rock for a while, and my underwear was starting to get damp from the stuff leaking out. "I have a question," I said. "Shoot," Rick said. "Well, maybe not here." It took us a second, but when we figured out what he had just said, we screamed with laughter. When I finished laughing, I asked, "Does everybody get stuff coming out of their penis when they get hard? It's clear; not like what you shoot." "Sometimes I do, and sometimes I don't," Rick said. "Kevin gets it pretty much every time, though. I've read that some guys never get it. By the way, the term we use for it is 'precum,' but that's a slang term, not a polite term or a scientific term. The 'correct' term would be something like pre-seminal fluid.'" "I get it every time I get an erection," Chuck said. "I must be one that doesn't get it because I don't even know what you're talking about," Ron said. "Same here," Brady said. "So it's normal, Rick?" I asked. "Yeah. For some guys, and not having any is normal for other guys," Rick said. "It's kind of a mess, and a bit uncomfortable, in places like school, isn't it?" "I needed to have this talk about ten years ago," Chuck said. "I used to think there was something wrong with me and that my dick was broken because it leaked like that. I'd be sitting in class, as hard as it ever got, and the front of my pants would get wet. Now that's embarrassing. It was bad enough that people might see you hard, but then to have a wet spot, like you had peed on yourself or something. Sheesh!" "I am so glad to hear you say that," I said. "I thought my penis was broken, too. As recently as today, in fact. Right now, even." They laughed. "Guys, one of the things Rick and I want to do is to be positive role models for gay boys. We've had these kinds of talks with the others who have lived here, including the Big Four. We want you to feel totally at ease about asking any question you might have, okay? A big part of what's scary about being a gay teen is not knowing what it means. Not knowing what to expect from your own body and from your own emotions. Rick and I won't bring it up, but any time you want to, when it's just the family here, feel free," Kevin said. "And the family includes Chip." Again, everybody was quiet. I was thinking about how incredibly lucky I was to be there, and I was sure the rest of them were, too. Three of us were basically homeless, except for the home that Rick and Kevin gave us. Brady wasn't technically homeless, but I knew he didn't feel as "at home" with his parents as he did with us. And then to have so much help with being gay! It was unbelievable. "Who wants ice cream?" Rick asked. We all said we did, and he and Kevin got up to make it for us. "This was some pretty good shit tonight, wasn't it?" Chuck said. "It answered questions I've had for years," Ron said. "Me, too," Brady said. "I was scared of having a boyfriend, but talking to Father Jerry a few weeks ago and to them tonight made it okay." "I know. For me, too," I said. "Brady, I wanted to be Josh's boyfriend in the worst way, but I couldn't do it because I thought having a boyfriend meant screwing. I'm not ready for that." "Are you telling me you loved my brother?" Brady asked me. "Well, yeah, I loved your brother. We came out to each other in bed on our first debate trip last fall, and just being around him kept me hard. If he noticed, he never said anything. But that's how I felt about him, Brady. That's why I felt so guilty. Maybe if I had told him how I felt, he wouldn't have done it," I said. Brady started to cry, and I did, too. Kevin and Rick brought out our bowls of ice cream. "What's going on?" Kevin asked. "These aren't happy tears I'm seeing." "They've been talking about Josh," Chuck said. "Oh," Kevin said. Kevin put his arm around me, and Rick took Brady. They petted us and calmed us down. It only took us a few minutes to get under control, and then we ate our ice cream. They had made spectacular bowls of the stuff for us, and the six of us sat there eating it in silence. It was close to eleven, and we were tired. "Guys, I think we need to get to bed. Brady, where are you sleeping?" Kevin asked. "He's sleeping with me," I said. "Okay. Good night, guys," Kevin and Rick said, more or less in unison. We took our bowls into the kitchen, rinsed them out, put them in the dishwasher, and went to bed. * * * We went to bed, but we didn't go to sleep. Brady and I got into bed in our underwear. He had his shirtless back to me, and I put my hand on it. My penis had never fully gone down from the time in the den when we were talking, and it only took a few seconds for it to get really hard again. I started softly rubbing his back. "That feels good," he whispered. I didn't say anything, but I kept doing it. "Hug me," he said. That was really what I wanted to do, so I didn't waste any time. I got up as close to him as I could. "I feel your penis," he said. I pulled back quick. I was embarrassed that he had felt it, and I was even more embarrassed that he had said anything. "It feels good, Denny. Don't move back," he said. "Are you sure?" "I've very sure. I want you to hold me. I want to feel all of you," he said. He bent his legs at the knees, and I bent mine the same way. I nestled my chest against his back, the front of my knees against the back of his knees, the front of my thighs against the back of his thighs. My groin was against his butt. We lay there like that for a little while. Both of us were breathing really hard. I took a big chance and licked at his right ear. All of a sudden, his body became stiff, and he started bouncing back against me. I was so close to shooting that I couldn't control it. When he did that, I stiffened, too, and I shot. At first the pleasure was too much. I wasn't sure I knew what was happening. Then I felt the wetness in my briefs. It was warm and thick and rich. He turned from his left side to his right side, and he was facing me. He leaned in and gently kissed my lips. "Thank you," he said. We held each other like that for another few moments, and then I slipped into sleep. * * * When we woke up the next morning, we were in the same position we had been in when we went to sleep. Our briefs were glued together from the stuff we had made. We were both hard, but I knew that was just from having to pee. "You kissed me last night," I said. "I know, and I want to kiss you again right now. Can I?" he said. He was smiling so sweetly. "Yeah," I said. We kissed, and we let our tongues play together. I had read about doing that, but I had never done it before. Wow! We kissed some more. I felt my erection change from just a hard-on because I had to pee to a real erection because I wanted sex. We started rocking into one another, our penises touching through our underwear. In a minute or so, we both came again. "I think we're turning into two horn dogs," Brady said. "I know, and I'm loving it," I said. He kissed me again. "You know we had sex, don't you?" I asked. "Yeah, I know. Are you sorry?" he asked. "No, I'm not sorry at all. Are you?" "No, I'm not sorry. I'm happy," he said. "Would you like to do it again?" "Right now?" "No, not right now, but some time. You know?" he said. "Yeah, I would. Would you?" "Yes," he said. We kissed again. "Did you think this is what having sex would be like?" I asked. "Not until last night," he said. "Until last night, I was kind of afraid of sex." "I know. Me, too. When Ron said he and his friend had kissed and jerked each other off, and Rick and Kevin said that was having sex, I knew I could do it," I said. "Yeah, me, too. I smell breakfast. Do you think we should get up?" he asked. "Yeah, let's get up." I started to get out of the bed, but Brady stopped me. "Denny? Before we get up? Can I see it?" At first I wasn't sure what he was talking about. Then it dawned on me. "Do you want to see my penis?" I asked. "Yes," he whispered, blushing. "I want to see yours, too," I said. "Okay," he whispered. We pulled our wet briefs down, and we looked at each other. I had seen lots of penises before, and I was sure he had, too, but that was a magic moment for both of us.
A lot happened at Foley-Mashburn Manor during that week of Spring Break. Chuck's whole life had been turned upside down only a few weeks before, and he was still going through the stages of grief. He was doing pretty well, and Justin and Kyle, but especially Justin, had been really helping him cope with his loss. Justin had a soft, tender side that we only saw in brief glimpses. Brian, who had slowly been emerging as the soul of the Big Four, and maybe the brain, as well, had told me more than once that Jus doesn't let us see the "real" him very often. What I saw of Justin with Chuck made me know that Brian was entirely right. During that week, we got to know Chuck much better than we had ever known him before. "If you guys don't mind, I'm going to go out tonight," Chuck said Wednesday morning at the breakfast table. It was just he, Rick, and I. The other boys didn't have school, so they were sleeping in. Chuck, though, had to work. "Chuck, you don't have to clear going out with us. You can go out anytime you want to, buddy," Rick said. "Have you got a date?" "Yeah," he said. He blushed a little. "I know I can go out anytime I want to, Rick, but I felt like I needed to tell you that out of respect." "We appreciate your telling us," I said. I was dying to know about this date. Who was he? How'd Chuck meet him? How old was he? What did he do for a living? I was only five years older than Chuck, and he was already twenty-two, but I felt like he was my kid. I wanted details, goddamn it! I kept my mouth shut, though. "Thank God he's finally stepping out," Rick said, after Chuck had left for work. "I know, but aren't you full of questions?" I asked. "Babe, calm down. He's the same age we were when we met, remember? He's a grown man, just like we were." "I know, but don't you feel protective of him?" I asked. "Of course, I do. He's a very special guy, and, yes, I do feel protective of him. But he's not a kid, Kevin. He's not fifteen. Hell, Tim was fourteen when he and Kyle started dating." "I know, but they didn't go out on real dates. I mean, they did, but they didn't go out drinking and shit," I said. "We know they did at least once. Don't you remember lying in bed and hearing them puke their guts out? You wanted to get up to see about them, and I told you no. Don't you remember that?" "Yes, I remember it. I thought you were heartless, especially the next day when you made them drink that seltzer, and they puked again," I said. "They haven't done it since then, have they?" I laughed. I had always heard the expression "green around the gills," but when I saw those two boys the next morning, I knew what it meant. "Those were easy times, weren't they?" I asked. "Not really, Kev. I mean, George was on a ship in the middle of the Indian Ocean, and we didn't know what was going to happen. Remember? We only had the two of them, and they spent as much time at Kyle's house and they did at ours. That was also when they still spent some nights alone, remember?" Rick said. I laughed. "That seems like a long time ago, doesn't it?" "Yeah, it does," I said. Denny and Brady came stumbling into the kitchen just then. They were both just in briefs, and I could see their half-hard erections tenting out their underwear a little. "Hi, guys," Rick and I said in unison. "Hey," they both mumbled. Denny went straight for the refrigerator to get himself a glass of juice, and Brady poured himself a cup of coffee. He didn't put cream or sugar in the coffee, which I thought was pretty ballsy for a fourteen-year-old kid, and they sat at the table. "Good night's sleep, guys?" I asked. They both nodded and grumbled. They were incredibly cute. The temperature would get into the high 70's later in the day, but that early in the day it was probably in the low 60's outside. We didn't have any heat on in the house, and both boys' nipples were drawn up hard and tight against the cold. Brady already had some hair around his nipples, and that hair was standing up. I glanced down at his legs, and they were already showing signs of being hairy. I scanned his chest, and it was covered with thin blond hair, as well. He already had a moustache that he shaved, but it had been several days and it, along with hair on his cheeks and chin, was showing. "What are you guys going to do today?" Rick asked. "Do you think it would be okay for us to take Kyle's boat to the island?" Denny asked. "Do y'all know how to drive a boat?" Rick asked. "I do. I've driven that one," Brady said. "We have a boat, and my dad lets me drive it." "What do you think?" Rick asked me. "I don't see why not. Take the dogs, though, okay? They love it out there," I said. "Yes, sir. We were going to," Brady said. "What about Ron?" I asked. "What about me?" Ron asked, as he came into the kitchen. He was in his underwear, too. He got a cup of coffee, too, but he put lots of cream and sugar in his. He was a New Orleans boy after my own heart, and he knew how to drink coffee. "They're going out to the island," I said. "I'm going to meet a friend from school, if that's okay," he said. "We're going to play putt-putt and ride go-carts and shit. Stuff! I meant." Rick and I both laughed. "Ron, saying 'shit' in this house ain't shit, and you know it," Rick said. "Don't you ever do that again. If you mean to say 'shit,' say 'shit.'" We all laughed. "I'm still not used to that," Ron said. "Well, you talk the way you want to, man," Rick said. "That's my point. I can count on one hand the number of times I've heard Brian use that kind of language, and everybody is fine with him. The rest of us tend to use it a good bit. This is a totally stress-free environment, and nobody cares what you say." "I know. Shit! Fuck! Piss! Crap! Bastard! Bitch!" Ron rattled off. We all laughed. "It feels good to get that out, doesn't it?" Rick said. We all laughed again. "When you guys go out in the boat, remember to take something to eat and some water to drink. There's no fresh water on that island, and those dogs are going to need it. Make sure you take some of their food, too. Don't be giving them sandwiches and shit. Or chips. And absolutely no chocolate, you hear?" Rick said. "Yes, sir," they said in unison. "Oh, and sunscreen. All three of you need to use that. In two months, y'all will be brown as berries, but right now you need it," Rick said. Again, "yes, sir." Rick looked at his watch. "Babe, I need to get out of here," he said. "I know. Me, too," I said. We kissed the boys goodbye and went off to work.
"Rick, can I talk to you?" Denny asked toward the end of Spring Break week. "Of course, you can. You know that. Come and sit with me," I said. I was in the big leather chair that I had given Kevin for Christmas two years before. That thing was huge, and Kevin and I had made love in it more than once before Tim came to live with us. We still did, occasionally, when we were home alone. "What's on your mind, buddy?" I asked. "Brady and I are boyfriends," he said. "That's great, Denny," I said. I kissed him on his forehead. I knew he was nervous, and he was trembling. "Are you cold? Let me warm you up," I said. It wasn't cold in the house at all, but he needed a lot of love and support right then. I wasn't sure why he needed it, but he was going to get it from me. "I'm a little cold. Mostly I'm scared, though," he said. "Why are you scared, buddy?" "I've never felt like this before, Rick. The only person I've ever really loved is you. And Josh. Now there's Brady," he said. "You loved your mom, didn't you?" I asked. "No. I didn't love her, and I don't love her now," he said. He was pretty adamant. "It makes me happy that you love me. I love you, too," I said. He started crying. I had a couple of years' experience dealing with kids, but this was a new thing for me. I didn't know what the hell was going on. "I don't know what to say, Denny," I said. "You don't need to say anything. Just hold me, please," he said. He had only loved two people in his life, me and Josh. And Josh was dead. I thought the kids were supposed to gravitate toward Kevin, not toward me. I was there to bolster Kevin up. I knew Kyle and the others probably loved me; I certainly loved them. But they loved Kevin, too. Suddenly it occurred to me. They saw us as individuals, not just as a partnership. I mean, they loved us as a partnership, but they loved us in different ways as individuals, too. We sat there for a long time, not talking. Finally, I said, "Do you love Brady?" "Yes, I do, Rick," he said. "And I'm ashamed that I do." "Why are you ashamed? Brady's a wonderful boy, Denny. He's smart, he's cute, he's good looking, he's extremely nice. Don't be ashamed to love him," I said. "But I love Josh, too," he said. "I know you do. Josh was all of those things, too, baby. It's okay to love Brady, even though you love Josh. Don't you think Josh loved you, too? Don't you think Josh would want you to love his brother?" I asked. "But I never told Josh that," he said. "Were you afraid to tell Josh that?" "Yes. I was afraid he would want to be my boyfriend, and I thought we would have to have sex up the butt if we were boyfriends," he said. "Now I know better." "Denny, you feel a lot of guilt about Josh, don't you?" I asked. "Yes," he said, and he started crying again. I knew better than to try to stop that. Crying was a good emotional release, and he needed to get all that shit about Josh out of himself. I just continued to hold him and let him cry. "Denny, I think I know how you're feeling, Bubba. Brady's a good boy, just like you. You boys can have fun together, be happy together. Josh is up in heaven right now smiling because his brother and his best friend are in love. That's a good thing, Denny. One day the three of you will be reunited, and Josh is going to be so happy that you made his brother happy. You have to believe that, man," I said. "I feel Josh here with us, Rick. With Brady and me," he said. "He is here. Does Brady talk about him?" "Yeah. He said last night that Josh told him he was glad he loves me. How could he talk to Josh?" "My grandpa died last summer before you came to live with us. He was like my dad, Den. I talk to him all the time, and he talks to me, too. I mean, I don't hear him except in my mind, but he talks to me. And he's watching over me, too," I said. "Does your grandpa like Kevin?" he asked. "He loves Kevin. He always did. He told me one time before he died to make sure I never lost him because I'd never find a replacement as good as he is," I said. "Did he know you were gay?" he asked. "Yeah. He knew since I was about fourteen. I never had a boyfriend until I met Kevin, but my grandpa and I talked about me being gay starting when I was in the seventh grade," I said. "How old were you when you met Kevin?" "I met him in college, but we started dating when we were both twenty-two. I'm the only boyfriend Kevin's ever had, too," I said. "Why didn't you ever have a boyfriend until you met Kevin?" he asked. "That's a good question. I had a major crush on my best friend, a guy named Sean. I pretty much knew Sean was straight, but all through high school I kept holding out hope that he was really secretly gay," I said. "But he wasn't?" "No, he wasn't. Sean is hopelessly straight," I said. "Are you guys still friends?" he asked. "Oh, yeah. We'll be friends the rest of our lives, even though we haven't seen each other in a few years. We sort of keep in touch through our parents. Sean hates to talk on the phone, and I'm not real crazy about it, either. Although I do talk to Kevin's brother quite a bit," I said. "When I grow up, I want to be just like you and Kevin," he said. "Thanks, Bubba. That means a lot to me that you would say that. Kevin and I are going to be there, you know? When you grow up, I mean. This isn't just for now. It's for always," I said. He got very quiet, both verbally and in the amount of moving around he did. I wondered if he had fallen asleep. That chair was big, but it wasn't a sofa, and I was getting awfully hot sitting that close to him. I could feel rivulets of sweat drip down my sides from my underarms. "Denny?" I asked quietly. "What?" "Are you asleep?" I asked. "No. I've been talking to Josh in my mind. You were right, Rick. He does want Brady and me to be boyfriends. He said he understands why I never told him I love him. He loves me, too, but he never told me," Denny said. "Let's get up, Bubba," I said. "I'm sweating." "I know, and you're starting to smell bad, too," he said. "Really?" I didn't want to have to take a shower. "Got you last," he said. He and I both laughed. "You little stinker," I said, and I tickled him. He jumped out of the chair when I did that, which was fine with me. "You're the stinker, not me," he said. "Yeah, I know. I want one more hug, though," I said. He approached me with trepidation, for fear I would tickle him. I grabbed him in a hug, instead. "I love you, Rick. Thank you for talking to me," he said. "I love you, too, Denny. Bubbas for life?" "Bubbas for life," he said. |