My marriage to Sonya was the best thing I ever did in my life, next to raising my son. I loved her completely, and we fit together perfectly. Tim and Kyle were mature enough to understand that we wanted and needed privacy, so they made themselves scarce for a few weeks after we returned from our honeymoon. I loved my son, and Kyle, my second son, and I wanted to see them. They came over occasionally, especially for dinner, but they gave us space, and I appreciated that. I thought of them as adults, and they acted the part. Sonya and I had an unbelievably good time on our honeymoon. I thought of Tim often, but I was glad he wasn't there. That made me feel a bit guilty, sometimes, especially when Sonya would say things like, "Oh, I wish the boys could see this," or "Tim and Kyle would love this." Both of them had been all over Europe, though, so it wasn't like they had been deprived. I knew they'd see it again together some day. If you ever want to take a cheap vacation, make friends with a man who owns hotels. My buddy Gene had fixed us up with some unbelievably low rates at hotels. Paying twenty dollars a night for nice rooms in big-name hotels was unheard of, but that's what we paid. I would have cheerfully paid the $200-plus the rooms usually went for, but we only paid a fraction of that much. It was Lent when we returned to the country from Europe, and that meant Kyle's instruction in becoming a Catholic went into high gear, both for him and for me. The weekly Thursday night sessions were supplemented by Sunday-afternoon activities, and he seemed to get more and more reflective because of his impending commitment. "Doc, do you think that boy we knew who committed suicide went to hell?" he asked when we were driving home one Sunday afternoon from one of those activities. "Of course not," I said. "Why would you ask that question, son?" "His preacher said he did. Suicide is against the Ten Commandments, isn't it?" "That's the traditional teaching, yes. It's essentially self-murder according to that line of thinking, but I think now a-days people think of suicide as more of a mental health issue than a moral one for the person who commits suicide," I said. "Do you think he might have been real depressed?" "I have no doubt that he was, Kyle. He certainly felt worthless and unwanted. I'm sure he felt as though he had let down everybody who had faith in him," I said. "His friends didn't think he was worthless and unwanted," Kyle said. "I know, and that's the terrible tragedy. He wasn't able to see things as they really were. He thought things were far worse. If his parents had done what to me is the unthinkable and really put him out, couldn't he have found a place to live with Kevin and Rick?" "Yeah, that's just it. He knew Denny, and he'd been to our house, even. He knew what was going on there. He should have known he would have been welcome," Kyle said. "Kyle, I want to return to the moral aspects of suicide. I said it isn't thought of as a moral issue anymore, but I want to clarify that. I think it is a very serious moral issue that we allow situations to occur like the one Josh was in. Society caused his death by making him think he was of no value because he was gay. That's where the moral evil lies, in my opinion. Nobody noticed how badly he was hurting, or, if they noticed, nobody cared. In a sense, it was a kind of group murder, not self-murder," I said. "I see what you mean. Have you ever been disappointed that Tim is gay?" he asked. He could have gone a very long time without asking that question. Was I disappointed that Tim was gay? Yes. Was I disappointed in Tim because he was gay? No. Definitely not. "Why did you ask that question?" I asked. "Well, if I was a parent, I think I would be disappointed that my only son was gay. I wouldn't be disappointed in my son because he was gay, though. Do you see the difference?" he asked. "Kyle, you're incredible. That's exactly what I was thinking, but I was afraid you wouldn't see the distinction if I said that. I think every parent has the expectation that his son will one day meet a girl, fall in love, get married, and produce grandchildren. I was disappointed at first that the scenario I had outlined for my son wouldn't happen exactly the way I had imagined it. I knew Tim couldn't help being gay, any more than I could help being straight, so being disappointed in him for something he couldn't control would have been irrational," I said. "I wish more people thought like that," he said. "Your parents aren't disappointed in you for being gay," I said. "Oh, I know. They got the double whammy with two of us being gay, though, didn't they?" I laughed. "Do you know who Prince William and Prince Harry are?" I asked. "No, sir," he said. "They're the two sons of Prince Charles, who is going to be the next king of England," I said. "Oh, yeah. I know who they are. Are they both gay?" I chuckled because he seemed so eager for them to be. "No. At least, I don't know. The point I was going to make, though, is that Charles was expected to produce an heir and a spare. What you said about you and your brother reminded me of that," I said. "Huh?" "Never mind, Kyle. It was a misguided attempt at humor," I said. "That makes me the spare," he said. He had shifted from the serious matters we had been discussing, and now he wanted fun. "It turns out the spare is flat, too. Just like it always is in real life when you need a spare tire." I laughed. "I wouldn't exactly compare you to a tire," I said. "I know. I think of myself more as a piston," he said. He was being naughty, but he knew he was also being cute. I laughed when he said that. "Maybe we ought to change the subject," he said. "That might be a good idea," I said around my laughter. What a kid, I thought, and how lucky Tim is to have him! We were pulling into Kevin and Rick's driveway then, anyway. "Doc, thanks for taking me and thanks for talking to me. I love you," he said. That touched my heart. "I love you, too, Kyle," I said.
When Doc dropped me off, I went into the den and nobody was around. It was about four o'clock in the afternoon. They must all be taking naps, I thought. I went up to our room and quietly opened the door. Sure enough, Tim was in bed asleep on his side. I wasn't really sleepy, but I got undressed and got in with him. Feeling his warm body against mine was so good, and I got a hard-on in about ten seconds. We had made love just that morning so I shouldn't have been horny, but I was. That was the effect he had on me and I had on him, too. "That better be who I want it to be," he said. I must have woke him up. "Oh, yeah? Who do you want it to be?" "Oh, it's just you," he said. "You little shitass," I said, laughing. "Do you feel that? That's what you did to me." I was poking him with my dick. He turned on his back, and we kissed. It started off soft and gentle, like we were just saying hello or something, but it got more intense pretty quick. Before I knew it, I was on his neck. Then I was on his chest, sucking those little nipples of his, nipping at 'em gently with my teeth. He was moaning. I followed the familiar trail down his body. Then I got on top of him with my head at his crotch. He took my dick into his mouth and started playing with it with his tongue. He went after my balls, too, and my ass. I was doing the same thing to him. I got more and more eager, and he did, too. Pretty soon, I couldn't help it. I came, and he caught every bit of it in his mouth. Then I felt him get a little bigger and a little harder in my mouth, and he came, too. I sucked up every drop he gave me. "I love it when it's spontaneous like that," Tim said. "I know. Me, too." "Was your activity good?" he asked. "Yeah, but it was a little bit grim," I said. "What did you do?" "We visited a nursing home and talked to the old people there," I said. "Some of them didn't have any teeth, and some of them looked like they were asleep in their wheelchairs. This one old guy thought I was his grandson. He kept calling me Junnie." "I guess that must be short for Junior," Tim said. "I guess. I didn't ask him. He wanted me to kiss him," I said. "Did you?" "Yeah, but not on the lips. Just on his forehead," I said. "Did he have teeth?" "Yeah, but they were false, and they were loose, too," I said. "I had a good talk with your dad on the way home." "Oh, yeah? What did you guys talk about? Those old people?" "A lot of things, but mostly about Josh and suicide." "That really hit you hard, didn't it, Babe?" "Yeah. I can't stop thinking about it. I mean, I don't think about it all the time, but it keeps coming back to mind," I said. "I still can't figure out why he chose me to get his letter." "We've been through that several times, Babe," Tim said. "Are you getting impatient with me?" "No. Shut up. Kyle, he chose you because you're gay and you're the leader of the school. He wanted somebody that other people would take seriously, gay and straight, adults and kids. That's why he chose you, Babe," Tim said. "Well, he didn't do me a favor, that's for sure. His parents asked me to talk to his brother. Evidently, the brother is having a real hard time with it," I said. "Kind of like some other younger brother, when his big brother died?" "I'm still not over that either, Tim. I think about Clay every day," I said. "I know you do, Babe. But they're good thoughts, aren't they? About when you guys were kids?" "Yeah. At least he didn't kill himself," I said. * * * The next day I got called to the Guidance Office during second period. That was my individual sports class. I asked the girl if I should put on clothes, meaning my school clothes and not my P.E. uniform, and she laughed. I was on the phone in the coaches' office. "Are you naked?" she asked. I knew her. She had been in Clay's class, and he and she had been friends. She loved to tease me. "No, I'm not naked, but I'm in gym shorts and a tee shirt," I said, laughing. "Oh. I never have any luck. No, go ahead and shower and put on your school clothes. This might take a while," she said. "Can I have a hint what this is about?" "Do you know Brady Stanton?" she asked. "Josh's little brother?" "Yeah. His dad is bringing him here from middle school to talk to you. Were you expecting this?" she asked. "Yeah, but I didn't know when. I'll be there in twenty minutes, okay?" "Take your time, Kyle," she said, real seductive. I laughed, and she laughed, too. It was people like her that made school bearable. I told the teacher what was up. "I know," he said. "How did you know that?" I asked. He was from an old-line Emerald Beach family, and I had known him my whole damn life. He was in his first year of teaching, which meant he was about twenty-two or twenty-three, and he was totally cool. His name was Lavelle Hardwick. Half the time I forgot and called him Lavelle, and the other half I called him Mr. Hardwick, emphasizing the "hard" part of his name. That wasn't lost on him, either. Just about every class he and I ended up laughing our asses off together. "Because I know everything about you, Kyle. Everything," he said. He was half-laughing, and so was I. "You don't know everything about me," I said. We were two Beach Rats talking to each other, so we knew the language to use. "I know what's under your bed," he said. "You do not, asshole," I said. "Asshole? That's rank insubordination, Kyle. I hate to do it, but I reckon I'll have to get you expelled from school," he said, laughing. "What do you think is under my bed?" I asked, ignoring his threat, which was a joke, anyway. "The floor, jerk-off. What the hell do you think is under your bed?" "Lavelle, that was pretty sad, son," I said. We were both laughing, though. "I know. Get your ass in that shower and hurry up. No jerking off, you hear me?" "Yes, sir," I said. "But you know, Lavelle, being this close to you has got me pretty hot." He laughed hard. "Get your ass in that shower before I have to whip it. Mr. Gene signed all the paperwork I need to wear your damn ass out, anytime I need to," he said. "But Mr. Hardwick, sir, I have a boyfriend," I said. "Goddamn it, Kyle. I knew I couldn't get the best of you. I don't even know why I try," he said, and we both laughed hard. I did hurry up in the shower, though. I said a few prayers in there, too, that I would know what to say to Brady. I had learned about the Holy Spirit in RCIA, and I needed Him bad then. I figured it was okay to pray when you were naked, but we hadn't really covered that. Brady was a really nice-looking little kid. He must have been about thirteen, maybe fourteen. I had seen him at the funeral, but I hadn't been paying much attention to him. "Hey, Brady. What's up, dude?" I asked when we went into the little room they had for us to use in the Guidance Office. "I don't know, Kyle. I don't know anything anymore since Josh is gone," he said. "He was more than my brother, Kyle. He was my best friend." Oh, man, I thought. He and I talked for a long, long time. He talked about when they were little and Josh used to show him how to do things, like ride a bike and tie knots and fish and crab and ski and shit. It was absolutely all big brother-little brother stuff, and Clay and I had done every damn bit of it. I told him about my brother and how much I loved him. There was a computer in the room, and we even went on line so he could see some pictures of Clay and me together. We hugged each other and cried and laughed some, too, about stuff we had done with our brothers. "Brady, my brother was gay, and so am I," I said, "just like Josh was." "I know, Kyle. Josh talked about you a lot. About you and Denny and all the other boys. I knew Josh was gay, and he knew I am, too," he said. Whoa! You could have pushed me over with a feather. It was too damn eerie for words. Clay and Josh. Gay. Dead. Kyle and Brady. Gay. Alive. I liked the kid from the first minute we sat down to talk, but there we were. The spares, and both flat. I didn't say anything for a few minutes. "Did I just shock you, Kyle?" "No, you didn't shock me. I think the coincidence of it all did, though. I mean how many sets of gay brothers can there be in Emerald Beach?" I asked. "Probably not too many," he said. "And us both with a dead one," I said. "Brady, you need to join our family, dude. How old are you?" "I'm thirteen, but I'll be fourteen in two weeks," he said. "I want you to come to lunch with me today, and I want you to meet everybody. When is your dad picking you up?" I asked. "When I call him," he said. "Cool. You're fixing to meet a pack of boys, and almost every one of them is gay. There are three or four straight boys who eat lunch with us, but you're not going to be able to tell the straight from the gay in most cases. We've got a couple of friends who are kind of 'gay,' but we're all just ordinary guys. We eat in the restaurant of the Starfish Motel, and the food is wonderful. Do you have any money?" "Maybe a couple of dollars," he said. I reached in my wallet and gave him a ten spot. "Here. You're going to need this." "Thanks." "Brady, I'm taking you under my wing, dude, whether you need it or not. But I suspect you need it right about now. My partner is Tim Murphy, and we're in it for life. Do you have a boyfriend?" I asked. He blushed. "No," he said. "That's cool, dude. You know Denny, don't you? He was Josh's debate partner and best friend," I said. "Of course I know Denny. I think Josh was in love with Denny," he said. "Well, please don't say that to Denny or the others, okay? Denny knew Josh wanted to be his boyfriend, but Denny was only interested in being Josh's friend. Denny thought he was responsible for what Josh did, and he was very upset about that. He's still upset about it," I said. "My parents are responsible, Kyle, not Denny. And that's why I hate them," he said. "Let's talk about that another time, okay? The bell just rang for lunch, and we need to haul ass, Bubba," I said. "Okay," he said, and we got out of there. * * * God Almighty! What the hell was I doing? What the hell were they making me do? I wasn't a fucking guidance counselor. I was just a kid. There I was, trying to work that poor kid through so much shit. I was probably doing more harm than good. All in the world I knew how to do was to be his friend. We had a hell of a lot in common, that's for sure, but that didn't make me a counselor. Everybody was at the Starfish that day. We needed the two big tables, and Mom and Pop Sullivan knew to save them for us. Our bunch was there every day. We had started out there with one table, but gradually it had increased to the point that we couldn't all get at one table anymore. So now we had two. That was a motley crew, if ever there was one. Me, Tim, Brian, Denny, Philip, Ryan, Chad, Gage, Chip, Morgan, Blake, Riley, Ron, and now Brady. Of course my boys acted like they had all known Brady all his life. That was what was so cool about them. They never met a stranger. I could tell Brady was really liking having lunch with the big boys, too. And that little sucker could eat! I was sure he didn't get enough food if all he ate was the school cafeteria lunch. "We come here for lunch every day," I said. "Next year, when you're a freshman, you can come, too. Josh came with us a time or two." "I know he did. I already know who all of y'all are from what he said about you," Brady said. "There's another person I want you to meet, too. Three more, really. Justin Davis is my best friend, him and Philip, and he's Brian's boyfriend. You'll love Justin. He's the funniest guy I've ever known. The other two are Jeff Martin and Tyler Jones. They're boyfriends, too. Those three guys aren't in high school," I said. "What do they do?" "Justin goes to ECCC and Jeff goes to FSU-Emerald Beach. They also both work at a hotel. Tyler is in the Coast Guard," I said. "Cool," he said. "Jeff was my brother's old partner before Clay died, and Jeff and I are as close as brothers. He and I are the ones who keep up that Web page I showed you," I said. "I'd like to do a memory page for Josh like the one y'all have for Clay," he said. "Let's talk to Jeff about it. He knows all about setting one of those things up," I said. "It would be a great idea to have one." During the rest of lunch we talked about regular things, like what was going on at school, different NBA teams we liked, whether Emerald Beach might get a minor league baseball team. Just ordinary stuff. When we got in the car to go back to school, I handed Brady my cell phone for him to call his dad. "Look in the glove compartment. There's a little pad and a pencil in there. Write down your name and phone number on a slip of paper," I said. He did and gave the paper to me. I put it in my pocket. "Now, let me give you some numbers." I gave him the house number for Kevin and Rick, my cell number, and Tim's cell number. "Now you call us whenever you need to or when you just want to talk, you hear?" "Yes, sir," he said. I always got a kick out of it when little kids said "sir" to me, and a good many of the freshmen did that. "Do you want to hang out with us Friday night? Maybe sleep over?" "Oh, that would be great," he said. "I'm pretty sure my parents will let me. They're sort of worried about me being depressed a lot." "If you don't stop being depressed pretty soon, we'll look into that, too," I said. First I become a guidance counselor, and then I become a doctor. Next thing you know, I'll be fixing people's teeth. * * * Brady's dad dropped him off at Kevin and Rick's house around five o'clock Friday night. Mr. Stanton came inside to talk for a few minutes. It was just Kevin, Rick, him, and me in the living room. Brian and Tim were showing Brady the puppy in the den. Justin wasn't home yet, and I didn't know where Denny and Ron were. "I really appreciate you all letting Brady come over here tonight. He and Josh were so close that his world has more or less shut down," Mr. Stanton said. "We're glad to have him," Kevin said. "It won't be anything fancy, though. We'll probably order pizza." "I rented a couple of DVD's," I said. "Both PG-13. Is that all right?" "Oh, yeah, that's fine. Kyle, I want to thank you for talking to Brady at school Wednesday. He told me you had a brother who died," he said. "Yes, sir. About a year and a half ago. He had a reaction to some medicine they gave him at the campus health center for a headache," I said. "It was kind of a freak medical accident." "I'm sorry. Were you and your brother close?" "Yes, sir. We were best friends, I guess you'd say. Kind of like Josh and Brady," I said. "They're only a year apart," he said, "and they do everything together." "Yes, sir," I said. "Well, I need to get going. Brady knows to call me when y'all have had enough of him," he said. "Or one of us can drop him off at home," Rick said. "We'll work something out." "We usually go to church on Saturday night and then out to eat with some friends. Would it be all right if Brady goes with us?" Kevin asked. "Sure. What church?" "Catholic. St. Joseph's," I said. "I'm studying to be a Catholic right now, and I'll become one at Easter in a few weeks." "My wife and I are looking for a new church. We hadn't considered that one, though. Maybe we should look into it," he said. "You'd be more than welcome," Kevin said. He shook hands with everybody and left. "I'm afraid it's going to take me a while to feel good about that man," Kevin said. "He seems like a nice guy, though." "Brady hates his parents," I said. "Because of Josh?" Rick asked. "Yeah." "Did he tell you that when you guys were talking?" Kevin asked. "Yeah." "Kyle, son, sit down. Rick and I want to talk to you," Kevin said. Rick had a look on his face like he didn't know what the hell Kevin was talking about. "A lot has been dumped on you because of Josh. It's probably not fair, but that's just the way it is. And that's going to keep on happening to you, probably for the rest of your life. That's just the kind of personality you have. Rick and I won't say anything about Brady hating his parents, so don't worry about that. But I'm sure he told you other very personal things when you two were talking, and you can't tell anybody that, okay?" "You mean kind of like confidentiality?" I asked. "Exactly. If he says it in a group, that's one thing, but if he says it to you in private, it should stay confidential. Now if he ever talks about hurting himself or that he's thinking about suicide, you get on the phone to one of us right away. Or your parents or George Murphy or Sally Ortega or somebody like that. Jerry Taylor. You know what I mean. And don't leave him by himself until one of us gets there, okay?" Kevin said. "Yes, sir," I said. I thought about what Brady had said about being depressed. "What about depression?" I asked. "He's bound to be depressed about his brother, but if that keeps up for more than a couple of weeks, you tell us about that, too. We saw what Jeff went through, and we don't want to let that go too long with Brady," Kevin said. "I don't want that to happen, either," I said. "Well, let's go see what the others are doing," Kevin said. We were in the living room, and the rest of them were in the den. We had a good ole time Friday night. We got pizzas and watched the two movies I had rented. One was an action-adventure and the other one was a comedy. They were both pretty good. As usual with us, there were a lot of jokes and wisecracks and the average amount of cussing, like always. Brady was quiet at first. He loosened up, though, when Brian jumped on Justin and started wrestling him because Justin threatened to take Krewe out and feed her to the crabs if she didn't leave him alone. "I'll feed you to the crabs," Brian said. "Yeah? Who? You and Krewe?" Justin asked. "Me, Krewe, and Trixie," Brian said. Justin started tickling Brian, and the two dogs were all over them. The difference was, Trixie was trying to tickle Justin with her nose. I stopped the movie while that was going on. Everybody was for Brian, of course, and we were all shouting out encouragement to him. "I guess I know where I stand with this crowd," Jus said. "That's right, Bubba," I said. "You mess with his dogs, and that boy will rip you a new asshole," I said. Brady thought that was the funniest damn thing he had ever heard, apparently. He laughed his nuts off. That was the kind of thing we did that night. Nothing special. After that little tussle, Brady was throwing out wisecracks and jokes just like the rest of us. I had seen Jeff in similar situations when he was really depressed, and Jeff never acted like that boy did that night. I figured the depression was only temporary. * * * We had tons of places for Brady to sleep, but he really wanted to sleep with me and Tim. I had my doubts about that. I mean, we had slept with other boys before, that was for sure, but they were usually people we knew better than we knew Brady. "Let him sleep with us if he wants to, Kyle," Tim said. "He's not very big." "I guess that'll be all right," I said. There wasn't any good reason he shouldn't, but there also wasn't any good reason he should. I just didn't feel good about it. Tim and I always sleep naked, but we both kept our briefs on that night. He got in bed next to me on my side. "I had a great time tonight," he started off. "Good. We all did, too," I said. "Thanks for having me," he said. "No problem, buddy," I said. Go to sleep, I thought. "Kyle, how did you know you were gay?" he asked. "I don't know, exactly. I just wasn't interested in girls, but I was interested in boys," I said. "I did some reading about it, and I took one of those on-line tests. Everything pointed to me being gay." "Did it make you sad?" "It scared me more than it made me sad. I wanted to talk about it, but I didn't have anybody to talk to. I tried talking to my brother, who later turned out to be gay, too, but he said he thought I'd get over it," I said. "He didn't tell you he was gay when you said that to him?" he asked. "No, not a word," I said. "Do you need somebody to talk to about being gay, Brady?" Tim asked. "Yes," Brady said, kind of sad like. "I don't want to say anything to my parents just yet." All of a sudden it dawned on me what was going on. I felt like a total jerk and asshole. He had wanted to sleep with us so we could talk, and all I wanted was for him to shut up and go to sleep. A fine friend I was being. "How did you know you were gay?" I asked him. "I was using Josh's computer one time, and I opened his browser to do some research. I checked out his 'Favorites,' and he had bookmarked a bunch of gay sites. I started looking at them, and the pictures got to me," he said. "Did you get hard?" I asked. "Yes," he said, in that pitiful little voice. "Did you jerk off?" I asked. "No. I didn't have a chance to," he said. "I just shot without doing anything." "That's happened to both of us before," Tim said. "It's nothing to be ashamed of." "I know, but it was embarrassing. After that happened, I started thinking about all the times I got aroused, and it was always when I was looking at or thinking about a cute boy. Never any girls," he said. "Then I decided to do an experiment. I got up from the computer for about a half hour to calm down. I took a shower, in fact, and I even jerked off in the shower thinking about those pictures. After a while, I went back on line and found some porno of girls. I figured they would turn me on, but they didn't. I did that two or three times, and nothing ever happened to me with the girls." "Did you talk to Josh about it?" I asked. "Not right away. I did a lot of reading about homosexuality. About a week later he was in his room just reading, and I went in there. I told him I had found some gay Web sites and that I was scared I was gay," he said. "He asked me if I could keep a secret, and I said I could. Then he told me he was scared that he was gay, too. "We both cried a lot that night. I think it was a mixture of being scared that we were gay and being happy that each of us wasn't the only one. He said he wanted to talk to our dad about it. Our dad was somebody we thought was perfect, and we both thought we could talk to him about anything. Well, you know what happened when Josh told him." "That's pretty freaky," I said. "Was Josh real depressed about being gay?" "I guess he was, and I didn't know it. Josh wanted more than anything in the world to please my parents, and when Dad was so ugly about it, I know Josh thought he had displeased him more than anything ever could. He waited a few days, and during that time my dad treated him like scum. He had never been mean to us before, but he sure was mean and ugly to Josh." "What about your mom?" Tim asked. "She wasn't as mean as my dad, but she didn't take up for Josh or try to get Dad to stop treating him that way. She thought being gay was the worst sin there was, worse than probably murder, even. They have a friend who is a minister in Tallahassee, and he came to see Josh. He told Josh he had sinned and that he was going to hell. How can it be a sin just to be who you are?" "It's not a sin to be gay," I said. "I've been studying to become a Catholic, and I've read some religious stuff about that. Homosexuality is just a fact. You didn't chose to be gay, any more than I did. We just are. If anybody's to blame for it, it's God. He's the one who made us gay. At least that's what I believe. God is all good; He can't do bad things or commit sins. If it's a sin to be gay, then it would have to be a sin to make somebody gay. God can't commit sin, so it can't be a sin to be gay." "I never thought about it like that before," Brady said. "You need to talk to our priest about it, buddy," I said. "I'd like to," he said. "Let's all think about it right now and talk about it some more tomorrow, okay?" I said. I yawned big, and I was just about asleep. "Okay. Good night, Kyle. Good night, Tim," Brady said. We told him good night, too, and I went to sleep. * * * The next morning we hung around in our underwear like we did every weekend morning, talking, reading the paper, playing with the dogs, and everything. Ron and Denny had started paling around a good bit, and they asked Rick if he would take them to the big bookstore at the outlet center. After we ate breakfast, the three of them got dressed and went shopping. "What do you want to do today?" Justin asked the rest of us. Kevin said he had to go in to the office for a few hours that morning. "Let's take the dogs to the island," Brian suggested. "That sounds good to me," I said. "I need to get some gas for the boat. Take a ride with me, Brady." Brady and I went to a convenience store to buy the gas. While we were gone, we talked about what we had talked about the night before. "Do you really want to talk to our priest?" I asked. "Yes, I would like to. Do you think he'll be willing to talk to me?" "Oh, yeah. He's a friend of ours, as well as being our priest," I said. "Is he gay-friendly?" he asked. "Very," I said. "As a matter of fact, he's gay. He came out to all of us at a party one time. His brother is gay, too, and he's another friend of ours." "He's a preacher and he's gay?" Brady asked, all surprised. "Yeah. He doesn't have sex, though, or a boyfriend or anything. He made a vow when he became a priest not to do that," I said. "I had heard priests couldn't get married," he said. "That's right, and no sex of any kind," I said. "You really got to want to be a priest bad to agree to that." "What about masturbation?" he asked. "Now, I don't know about that. I mean, I don't think that's really sex, like what you do with another guy, so he probably does that," I said. "You and Tim didn't have sex last night, did you?" he said. "No. You were right there. This morning, either," I said. "Did you want to?" "Let's put it this way, if you hadn't been sleeping with us, I feel sure we would have done something, either last night or this morning or both," I said. "I'm sorry you couldn't do it because of me," he said. "I feel kind of bad." "No way, dude. You can't feel bad about that. That's not the first time another guy has slept with us and we've held off. We love each other, and we love sex, but we don't have to do it all the time, you know?" "Sex is still pretty much a mystery to me," he said. "I mean, I want to do it, but I'm sort of scared of it, too." "That's the most natural feeling in the world, Brady. But let me tell you something. When you get you a boyfriend, and that stud is holding you and kissing you, you'll want to do it. Don't worry," I said. "Kyle, I wish you didn't already have a boyfriend," he said. I chuckled. Another one with a crush, I thought. "Well, I do, and we're in love. And one of these days, if you're lucky, you'll find somebody to love, too." "I hope so," he said. |