The girls were all in bed or in their rooms when we got home that first night. The adults were all in the living room of Charlotte and Mike Ryan's house. They had been visiting and sipping wine and just having a reunion, I guess. "Hi. Did you guys have a good time? Where's Tony," Mike Ryan asked. "Tony left with us, but he didn't stay with us, Dad," Paddy said. "Where'd he go," Mike asked. "Tim sent him home." "I'm sorry, Mike, but I'm not putting up with his crap," I said. I looked at my dad for his reaction to that, and he didn't react at all. "Look, everybody. You're my family, and I know that. These guys know it already. I'm gay, and I'm not putting up with Tony's harassment. That's the way I feel, and that's the way I live my life," I said. None of the adults said anything, so I decided not to say any more, either. "Tim, we don't blame you," Mike said, "but you have to know that Tony is very troubled right now. He won't tell us anything, but Charlotte and I believe he might have been molested at some point." Oh, shit! I thought. Jesus Christ! "Tim, Charlotte and I don't really know what else to do. Paddy is gay, and we're fine with that, but it seems to rub Tony wrong in the worst possible way. We've tried everything we know to do for Tony. We love him, Tim. I know he was probably obnoxious as hell to you tonight, but we love our son. We just don't know what to do next." I felt like a total shit at that moment because I had hit him so many times, and so hard. "I didn't know about that, Mike. I hit him two or three times when he called me names," I said. "Dad, Tim did it, though. He made him shut up with the name-calling, at least until he left us. Tim said that was the way they trained their puppy, and that might be how we have to train Tony. I've wanted to clean his clock so many times, but I haven't done it because I was afraid of him. Tim is bigger and stronger than all of us. He can do it, Dad," Paddy said. Paddy was nervous, and I knew he didn't like saying that about his brother. "I think the boys need to work out a separate peace among themselves, Mike," my dad said. "You didn't like doing that, did you, son?" "I didn't like doing it, but I did like it, at the same time. I mean, he deserved it. He was so offensive, Dad. Kyle and Jus would have hurt him bad," I said. "Kyle and Justin taught you to be that aggressive," Dad asked. "Yes, sir, but only when it's right," I said. "We still don't know where Tony is, do we," Dad said. "Let's check his bed before we call 9-1-1," I said. We checked it, and he was sound asleep. I knew he was going to be hurting tomorrow where I had hit him. Part of me cared about that, and part of me didn't. We stayed up about another hour, talking, laughing, and having fun. When it was time for bed, my dad said, "Paddy, you and Tim take the double bed in our room. I'll take the twin." Paddy was delighted he didn't have to sleep with his asshole brother, and I didn't mind him sleeping with me. "Tim," Paddy whispered after we were in bed a few minutes. "What," I whispered back. "Thanks for tonight," he said. "He's deserved that for a long time." "He's getting it tomorrow, too. Any time he calls you or me or anybody a fag or any of that shit. I mean it, Paddy. This is completely unlike me, man, usually, but I'm not putting up with it. I like the rest of you guys too good for him to spoil it," I said. "Thanks, man," he said. "Good night," I said. And he said the same. * * * When Paddy and I woke up Monday morning, my dad was already gone from our room. It was about eight o'clock, and I was pretty sure most of the rest of them were already up for the day. Paddy and I had snuggled together against the chill of the morning air, and both of us had typical morning erections. "Good morning," I said to him. "Morning," he replied. It was then that he realized the position he was in, spooned up against my back. I could feel his dick, but I didn't give it a second thought. "Sorry," he said. "You don't have to move," I said, "and there's nothing to be sorry about." "I was having impure thoughts about you. I need to get up." He started to get up, but I grabbed his arm and kept him in bed with me. "What do you mean, 'impure thoughts,'" I asked. "Tim, don't do this, please," he said. "Were you thinking about having sex with me? Is that what you mean by 'impure thoughts'?" He was silent for a few seconds, and then he said, "Yes." "There's nothing bad about that, man," I said. "It's totally normal." "How can it be normal, Tim?" I turned over to face him. "How can it not be normal? You're gay, right? I'm gay. I'm not going to do anything with you, but thinking about it and wanting to do it is the most natural and normal thing in the world, man." He blushed deeply. "Do you have a boyfriend," I asked. "No." "Have you ever had one?" "No," he said again. "Some day you will, man. If you're as lucky as I am, he'll love you, and you'll love him. The sex part will be perfectly natural and normal for you guys. I can't wait for you to meet Kyle. You'll see what I mean." "That seems so difficult," he said. "It's not. Believe me. When you care for somebody, all the little details about how to express your love work themselves out. At least they did for us," I said. "I hope so," he said. We lay in bed a few more minutes, each of us caught up in our own thoughts, and then we got up. "I want to take a shower," I said. "Okay," he said. "I'll be right behind you." I showered, but I didn't shave that morning. I could get by for a couple of days without shaving, and I really didn't like doing it, anyway. If Kyle didn't shave every day, you could really see it on his face. My beard was light brown, not black like his, and my stubble wasn't nearly as obvious right away, like his was. I waited for Paddy to get finished in the bathroom, and then he and I went over to the house his parents were in. I had on shorts, tee shirt, deck shoes, and Kyle's cap, and Paddy was dressed the same way, minus the cap. Steve and Billy were already there, as were the girls. Laurie flirted with me a little bit, and she was cute. Anne laughed at her, but I could tell they were good friends. Tony wasn't around. Paddy kissed his mom good morning. "Where's Tony," he asked. "He and Dad went into town," Charlotte said. "Oh," Paddy said. "Tim, please don't hate Tony for what he did last night. He can be a very sweet boy, when he wants to. He's just not himself these days." "Yes, ma'am," I said. I didn't know what else to say, and she didn't know what to say, either. I was determined that I was going to have fun with Paddy, Steve, and Billy, and Tony could drop dead, as far as I was concerned. "Was he being a butthole again last night," Margaret asked. "Yeah," Paddy said, "only not just to me. To Tim, too." "I don't want him to be our brother anymore," Anne said. "Well, that's not going to change, sweetie," Charlotte said. "Are you praying for Tony, like I asked you to?" They all said they were. I wasn't, and I didn't intend to. After we finished breakfast, Paddy suggested we take the boat out. It was too chilly to go swimming, but he said it was pretty cool to sail around in the harbor. I didn't know anything about sailing, but they did, apparently. Just as we were leaving the house, Mike and Tony drove up. Tony jumped out of the car and slammed the door. He looked like he was crying, and he flew past us without saying a word. He ran to the small house and went inside, slamming that door, too. Paddy, Steve, and Billy looked pretty sad when they saw that, but I didn't know what to think. "Let's go," Steve said, and we did. Nobody said anything for a while, but pretty soon they all perked up. Paddy was the master sailor of the crew, and he showed me how to do it. It was pretty simple, once you figured it out. The one thing that seemed strange to me was the lack of noise. On our boat, you didn't move without the motor going, and that made noise. Sailing was quiet, though, and that was a real difference. Tony showed up at the table for lunch. Everybody was there, and we told them all about our sailing adventures. Tony didn't say anything, and he seemed to be concentrating totally on his food. After lunch, my dad, Mike, Charlie, and Ginger went off to play golf. The house the Cooks were staying in had a large front porch with lots of comfortable chairs and a huge hammock. Madison and I got in the hammock, and all of the kids read the books we had been assigned to read over the summer by our respective schools. After about ten pages, I went to sleep. Everybody was gone when I woke up around three, everybody, that is, except Tony. "Hi, Tim," he said. I had a hard-on, like I always get when I sleep, and I knew he saw it. I didn't do anything to try to hide it, though, because I didn't know what I could have done. "Hi, Tony," I said. I suddenly remembered what he had said the night before about me being sorry, and I realized I was in a very vulnerable position on that hammock. I sat up, and then I got off of it. He was already standing up, and he backed up a little bit when he saw me walking toward him. "Are we going to be friends," I asked. "I don't see how we can be," he said. "I'm willing to forgive and forget, if you are," I said. "You said last night you'd talk to me. Did you really mean that," he asked. "Yes, I meant it, but no name-calling, okay?" "Okay. I'm sorry I did that," he said. He bent his head down, and I could see he was getting pretty emotional. I knew he was ashamed of himself, and even though I didn't trust him one bit, I also felt bad for him. "Let's sit down," I said. "Okay. Are you really gay," he asked. "Yes, I really am, Tony. It's not something I chose to be, but that's the way I am. I can't do anything about that," I said. "I have a good friend who is gay," he said. Hell, you have a brother who's gay, I thought. "You mean Paddy," I asked. "Not him. He doesn't like me. None of them do," he said. "Tell me about your friend," I said. "He's a man. He's in jail right now," he said. "Or at least he was. I think he might be out by now." "For what?" "For some stuff he did with some kids," he said. "He's a priest." "Are you worried about him," I asked. "Yeah. I know the two guys who are accusing him, and they wanted him to do whatever he did, I'm pretty sure," he said. "What are they saying he did," I asked. "They said he gave them blowjobs," Tony said. Huge tears came into his eyes when he said that, and he started shaking a little. I wanted to put my arm around his shoulders, but I was afraid he might think I was coming on to him or something. I didn't know what to do. He settled down in a minute, though. "But you think they wanted him to do that," I asked. "Yes." "What makes you think that," I asked. "They were always talking about wanting blowjobs, that's why," he said. "I think they like them." I could understand how that could be true. "Are they gay," I asked. "I don't know. They have girlfriends, but they said their girlfriends wouldn't do that to them," he said. They'll wise up, I thought. "Do you think Father did it to them," I asked. "I'm afraid he might have," he said. "What makes you think that," I asked. "Because he did it to me, too," he said. "And now I'm queer, too." That's when the tears really started. He was crying so hard he was gasping for breath. The hell with it, I thought, and I put my arm around him. Instead of bolting away, like I thought he might, he leaned into me. I desperately wanted to do or say something to make it better for him, but I didn't know what. I let him cry for what seemed like a long time. Finally, though, he was all cried out. "Getting a blowjob from another guy doesn't make you queer, Tony," I said as gently as I knew how to say it. "And giving one doesn't make you queer. Only God can make you queer, man, and He did that the minute you were born. Or He didn't." "But I liked it, Tim. I liked getting a blowjob. I let him do it more than once because I liked it so much," he said. "Tony, a couple of things," I said. "First, if you really are gay, it's not the worst thing in the world, man. I'm gay and I'm happy. If I had had a choice, I wouldn't have chosen to be gay. But now I wouldn't change the way I am, even if I could. When you meet Kyle you'll know why. Second, blowjobs feel good. Everybody likes them, gay, straight, bi, everybody. Have you ever talked to your dad about that?" He got a horrified look on his face, like I had asked him if his dad gave him blowjobs. I guess every dad wasn't like mine when he comes to talking to their kids about sex. "My dad's not queer," he said. "I know he's not queer, Tony. Married couples have oral sex sometimes, man," I said. "It's not just a gay thing, you know." It looked like that came as a big surprise to him. "When those two guys were talking about their girlfriends not giving them blowjobs, did you think no girl would ever do that," I asked. "I guess," he said. "Well, they do, Tony. I guess some like doing it more than others, but they do it, man. It's a way of expressing love for someone. It makes the guy getting it feel good. That was the point I was trying to make before. Just because you liked it doesn't mean you're gay, man." "So, how do you know if you really are gay," he asked. "For me, it's a matter of attraction. The idea of having sex with a girl doesn't appeal to me at all, but having sex with a guy does," I said. It was incredibly more complicated than that, but I figured he could understand that much, at least. "Do you want to have sex with every guy you see," he asked. "Hell, no. I don't want to have sex with you, for example," I said. He laughed a little for the first time since I had met him. "How about with Paddy," he asked. "He's gay." "I know he's gay, but I don't want to have sex with him, either. The only person I want to have sex with is my boyfriend," I said. "I'm in love with him, and I want to have sex with him." "Not with any other guy," he asked. "Nope. Nobody but Kyle," I said. That was probably a little bit of an exaggeration, but it was true in theory, at least. "That makes me feel better. Is that true of every gay guy?" "I doubt it," I said. "Just like some guys screw every girl they can get in bed, some guys screw every guy. But for me, it's just Kyle." "I've never done anything with a girl, but I like the idea of it," he said. "Then you're probably straight," I said. "What do you think about when you masturbate?" "I pretend I'm screwing a girl," he said. "I don't rub up and down. I keep my hand still and shove my dick in and out, like I was fucking. I like to get a lot of lotion or soap or something on my hand, and then . . . " "Whoa! Too much information, okay?" He laughed for real on that one. I was starting to like my cousin. "I had you going, didn't I," he said. "If you mean you were making me get hard, then, yeah, you were," I said. I decided to try something that was really close to being out of bounds. "Does the idea of me being aroused make you aroused?" "No. I saw you had a hard-on when you woke up. It didn't bother me, though," he said. "Tony, man, I'm not an expert, but I'd say there isn't much chance that you're gay, even if you do like blowjobs," I said. "Which you ain't gettin' from me." That delighted him and really made him laugh. "Tim, hearing you say that makes me feel better," he said. "I've been wanting to talk to somebody who is gay for a long time about this, and you're the first person I've had a chance to talk to." "You can't talk to Paddy about it," I asked. "I'm afraid Paddy doesn't know shit about being gay. He says he is, but he's never even touched a boy, that I know of. Or a girl, either," he said. "Why did it have to be a gay person? Why couldn't you have talked to your dad or somebody else about it?" "First of all, there's no way in hell I could ever talk to my dad about something like that. No way. Second, how would he know how you know if you're gay? No. It had to be you." "Did you do what you did last night because you hate gay people, or . . . " "No, I did it to find out if you were. I really didn't think you were, by the way. You don't act gay in any way. It came as a pretty big surprise, actually," he said. "I don't get you, man. You said that stuff to hurt my feelings just to see if it really would?" "That sounds pretty stupid when you say it that way, doesn't it?" "Yeah. It does sound stupid. Please don't do that any more, man. And lay off your brother. You guys could be best friends. You're just turning him into an enemy for life, the way you're going. If he says he's gay, then he is. People don't say that about themselves if it isn't true," I said. "I know." "And so what if he is? He's a hell of a nice guy. Steve and Billy like him. They're not gay, are they? You don't have to be gay to like a gay person, you know." "I know. I like you, even though I'm probably not gay," he said. "Don't say 'probably.' You're definitely not gay. We wouldn't have you on our team," I said. He laughed. Charlotte came up just then. "Wow. I haven't heard that sound in a long time," she said, referring to his laughter, I guess. "I think you're going to be hearing it all the time now, Charlotte," I said. "Isn't that right, buddy?" "Yep," he said. * * * Tony must have apologized to Paddy because the two of them got along great the rest of the week. I talked to Kyle for about an hour Monday night, and I told him everything that had happened. I didn't give any details about the conversation I had had with Tony earlier that day. I figured he'd want that kept confidential, and, besides, I knew Kyle didn't care about it. I told him about hitting Tony Sunday night, though, and I said we had had a long talk to clear up some misunderstandings he had had. "All right, Bubba! You whipped some Yankee ass! Way to go!" I was laughing hard when he said that. "You would have done it, too," I said. "No doubt. Did he get any puke on you?" "Kyle! I knew you would ask me that," I said. I was on the phone in the kitchen, and I knew they could probably hear me laughing outside where they were all sitting. I didn't care, though. I was on the phone with my boy, and I was happy. We did some neat stuff that week, mostly involving the sailboat. We did a little touring around, too, though. They have a really cool lighthouse on Cape Porpoise. There were a bunch of shops and art galleries and such. We went to some of those, too. Kyle had gotten me interested in photography, and some of the photos I saw were spectacular. The prices were pretty spectacular, too. Dad bought a photograph to take back to Sonya, but I couldn't afford one for Kyle. I bought everybody replicas of the lighthouse, and I bought Kyle a baseball cap that said Kennebunkport, Maine, too. One night we went to a movie in town, but most nights we shot pool. The dads went with us a few times, and my dad seemed rather amazed at how good I was. It's pretty difficult to play as much pool as we did in Emerald Beach and not get pretty good at it, especially when you're trying desperately to hold on to your underwear in a game of strip pool. By the end of the week, I knew my cousins very well, and I knew we'd all be friends for life. Once Tony overcame his problem, he turned out to be my favorite. He was very smart, and he had a great sense of humor. Paddy didn't trust his brother, even after they reconciled their differences, so he ended up sleeping in the twin bed in the room with my dad. I slept with Tony in the double bed in the other room. We usually talked after we went to bed. "Did you ever think you'd be okay with sleeping in the same bed as a queer," I teased him. "I don't believe you really are queer," he said. "Believe it," I said. "You haven't said anything to anybody about our talk, have you?" "No, and I'm not going to." "Even to Kyle?" "Even to him. I told him you had some misunderstandings, and you were fine after we cleared those up. That's basically what it was, wasn't it? He was mostly disappointed that you didn't puke on me when I hit you in the gut Sunday night." He laughed a little, but he got serious again right away. "True. Some very basic misunderstandings. Do you think I should rat out Father John?" "What he did is a crime, you know? Of course, you gave your consent, but it was still a crime," I said. "I know. There's been so much about that stuff in the newspapers and on TV, I'd have to be deaf and blind not to know that. I don't know how the other guys involved with him could tell that about themselves, though. I mean, I took a huge risk telling you, but I was desperate. And I also knew you wouldn't be grossed out or think what I did was so terrible. You didn't, did you?" "We've been through this, Tony. I don't judge you, man. Like I said the other day, everybody likes a blowjob. The thing is, what are the chances of Father John getting off? I mean, I would hate to think your not coming forward let him go right back to the parish and do it to some other kids." "That used to be a problem, evidently, but they don't do that any more," he said. "I actually thought of that. If I honestly thought he'd get off, I would come forward with my story. He's not getting off, though," Tony said. "Your secret's safe with me," I said. We were both quiet after that, and I was getting very close to sleep. "Tim?" "Yeah?" "Can I ask you a question?" "Sure," I said. "Do you and Kyle have sex?" "Yeah, we do. I thought you knew that." "I figured you did, but you never said. Do you guys, like, er, do you, um, . . . " "Do we have anal sex?" "Yeah," he said. "Yes, we do," I said. "And I'll bet you want to know what it's like, don't you?" "How'd you guess?" "Just a hunch. I've never fucked a girl, but I've heard that it's a lot like that for the top. The guy putting his dick into the other guy. It's a little different because a vagina expands when she's aroused and an ass doesn't. Also, a vagina has secretions and an ass doesn't, other than the obvious one," I said. He laughed. "What about for the other guy?" "The other guy is called the bottom. First off, it doesn't hurt. At least, it doesn't hurt when Kyle makes love to me that way. It can and does hurt for some guys, but he always gets me real relaxed and ready for him first." "I figured it didn't hurt, or at least not too bad, otherwise people wouldn't do it," he said. "Good point. Do you know about the prostate gland?" "Just what I learned about it in school in biology," he said. "Well, it feels really good when you rub it. The top pokes and nudges and rubs the bottom's prostate, and it feels great," I said. "Have you ever stuck your finger or anything into your ass while you jerked off?" "Yeah," he said. Then there was a pause. "I'm so embarrassed." "Why? Straight couples do that, too, Tony. Kevin's brother told us that his wife does that to him when they make love. There really isn't that much difference between gay sex and straight sex, you know? If it feels good to a gay guy, it'll feel good to a straight guy, too. Straight people usually use toys, since the girl doesn't have a dick, but it's basically the same thing," I said. "I wonder if my parents do that kind of thing," he said. "I wouldn't be asking them, if I were you." He laughed louder than he usually did, and I heard my dad move around in bed. Shit, I thought. He's going to be pissed if we woke him up. He didn't say anything, though. "Not so loud, man," I said. "Tim, do you have an erection right now," he asked, after he had gotten serious again. "Yes," I said. "I do, too. What would you do if I put my hand on your dick?" "I'd ask you to move your hand," I said. "Would you get pissed off at me?" "No, because I know you'd be doing it to make me feel good. But that belongs to Kyle. It doesn't belong to me anymore," I said. "I can't wait to meet him," he said. "You'll love all three of them, man," I said. That was Thursday night, and they were getting there Saturday afternoon around five. We were leaving the next morning so I could spend some time with my grandparents, but we'd have six full days to see Boston. My dad was going to let me keep the mini-van, and he'd drive my grandparents' car. I was so excited I shivered. "What just happened? Did you come?" Then it was my turn to laugh. "No, I didn't come," I said. "I just had a little nervous shiver because I was thinking about how much fun we're going to have this coming week. I'll let you know if I come, though." "Thanks," he said sarcastically. "Have you ever done that without making it happen? Like in school or something?" "I've done it at Mass," I said. "Gross," he said, but he was laughing. "Where have you done it," I asked. "School a couple of times. Also, just in my room at home. At home wasn't so bad, but in school it was a total mess," he said. "Try church, if you want a mess," I said. "Don't take what I'm going to say the wrong way, okay?" "Okay," I said, hoping I wouldn't. "I love you, Tim. I haven't gone gay on you, man, so don't worry about that. You're just so incredibly nice," he said. "You know what? I love you, too, and I won't even let you touch my dick," I said. "And I'm gay!" He thought that was pretty funny, and we both laughed. "I was hoping you would say that," he said. "I want to be your friend for life, okay? You and Kyle?" "No question about it in my mind, dude," I said. "I wish we lived closer together." "I know, but you'll be coming to Boston, won't you," he asked. "To see your grandparents and all?" "I think after my great-grandmother dies they're going to move to Florida where we live," I said. "But there's no reason we can't come see you guys, is there? Or you come see us? The planes fly both ways, you know?" He laughed. "Can I ask you a question," he said. "Don't say that, man. Just ask it." "Can I hug you right now?" "Absolutely, dude," I said. We hugged, and I felt really close to him. We were both careful to avoid a sword fight with our dicks, but we hugged each other hard. He sniffled a little, like maybe he was crying, and tears came to my eyes, too. We must have broken the hug at some point, but I think we both went to sleep in each other's arms.
Do you ever wake up all rested and relaxed, ready for a great day, and then you remember you have to do something that day that scares you to death? It's like the bottom falls out, and you don't have the strength it takes to haul your ass out of bed. One minute you're laying there with your boyfriend's hard dick in the crack of your ass, wondering if you'll have time to do something with it, thinking about your own hard-on and how you need to piss so you can take maximum advantage of the situation. Then you remember, and all of a sudden your dick goes as limp as cooked spaghetti. That's what happened to me the Tuesday morning after my birthday. "Brian, wake up, Little Buddy," I said. "Nooooo," he said, cute as all. "Yeah. We have to get up so you can go to work. I'm taking you, remember? Come on." He was so much like a real cute little boy when he was sleepy. That dark hair of his was in his face, and he rubbed his eyes with the back of his fists so cute. I wanted to eat him up. How could anybody not be in love with something like that? "Come on, Buddy. Let's go." I started running the tips of my fingers up and down his chest, circling his little nipples. He got a big smile on his face. I took my hand away. "Don't stop," he said. "I've got to today. Today's the day I go to the college, remember? Come on and take a shower with me," I said. He sat up in bed. He looked over at my crotch, and I could tell he was surprised I wasn't hard like I always am. "Robbed by fear," I said. He started laughing. "You big goof," he said. "Gimme a kiss." I kissed him good morning. "I'm serious now. We gotta hustle. I've got to be there at 8:30, and the traffic on the bridge is going to be a bitch this morning," I said. "Okay," he said. We took a shower together, but we didn't fool around, for lack of time. I shaved in the shower, and it reminded me of those Braille signs we have all around the hotel. Brian shaved, too, and it was kind of fun watching how slow and careful he did it. Of course, he got all of his. I had to feel my face and go back to spots I had missed. Kevin, Rick, Kyle, Jeff, Seth, Alex, Brian, and I all got around the breakfast table. It felt weird as hell having Kyle there without Tim. "What did Tim say last night," Rick asked Kyle. "He got into a fight, and he made the guy puke," Kyle said. "He didn't get any on him, though." "Well, that's a relief, at the breakfast table," Kevin said. We all laughed. "At least we're not eating oatmeal, with raisins in it," Kyle said. "Change the subject, please," Rick said. "How did sweet little Tim get into a fight," Kevin asked. "That's not like him at all." "He ain't that little, you know," I said. "He's as big as me and Kyle." "I know, but he's gentle. He's not a ruffian like you two," Kevin said. "That's all an act. He's mean as a damn snake," I said. I expected Kyle to say something to defend him, but he just grinned at me. "His cousin was dissing him. Calling him fag and homo and that shit. And the cousin didn't even know Tim really is," Kyle said. "Tim said he told him we're training a puppy and have to remind her sometimes not to do stuff. He reminded the cousin not to say that by punching him in the gut. That's when he puked. Then Tim hit him a couple more times as a reminder. Apparently the boy wouldn't shut up. And the guy's own brother is gay." "That doesn't sound like our Tim," Rick said. "You'd be surprised if you knew the terror that boy puts in us," I said. They all laughed. I put my knife and fork on my plate to show that I was finished eating, like they taught me to do. "You didn't eat very much," Rick said. "I ate enough, though, and every bit of it is right here." I put my hand just below my Adam's apple. "It could come up at any second, and Tim wouldn't even have to punch me in the belly." "Are you sick, Bubba," Rick asked. "No, I'm not sick, but I'm scared shitless, Rick," I said. "I have to go to the college today. Kyle and Cody, too." I got big tears in my eyes, and I quick rubbed 'em out. My baby put his hand on my shoulder to let me know he was there for me, but there wasn't anything he could do about it. I took a deep breath and let it out slow. "I'm scared shitless, too, Bubba," Kyle said. I smiled at him. "No, you're not, but thanks for saying that," I said. "I was wondering why you guys weren't in your uniforms," Jeff said. "Trust me, guys, it's not going to hurt. You'll do fine on the placement tests, too. There aren't many people smarter than you two." "I'll drink orange juice to that," Kev said. Rick raised his glass, too, and the rest of them did, also. They wanted to support us--me, really--every way they could, and I knew it and appreciated it. That didn't make me less nervous, though. "Brian, are you about ready," I asked. He was finished eating. "Let me go get something. I'll be right back," Brian said. "Okay, but hurry," I said. He came back with a paper in his hand, and he gave it to me. It was a report card he had made on the computer, and it had my name on it. In the column marked "subjects" it had stuff like "Sweet," "Cute," "Funny," "Handsome," and stuff like that. Next to each subject there was an A+. That's when I lost it. All the fear and terror in me at that moment came out of my eyes in the form of tears. They burned like hell, too. I grabbed that boy up in a big hug, and I laid a kiss on him that was definitely not for public consumption. "Make sure you get your dads to sign it," he said. "You wait and see what I'm going to sign on you tonight," I said. Kevin started to say something, and I knew he was going to tell me to cool it. Rick shushed him, though, and I kissed Brian again. "Let's go before I get carried away," I said. They all laughed, and Brian and I left hearing them say "Good luck" and stuff like that. (Rick's Perspective) "Did you see his face when he read that report card," I asked Kevin. The guys were all gone off to work, and Kev and I were getting dressed for the day. "Yeah. Of all the kids, Brian continues to surprise me the most. That was really a clever idea, wasn't it? And the presentation was so good," Kevin said. "I used to have my doubts about those two, Babe, but I don't think I do anymore," I said. "I know what you mean. How did that ever happen? Justin and Brian?" "Well, when you think about it, they sort of come from the same kinds of backgrounds. Brian's situation probably wasn't as bad as Justin's, but they both come from nothing. Nothing but poverty and abuse. I mean, Kyle and Tim have had lives of privilege, you know?" "Sort of like me," Kevin said. "Yeah, and me, too, to a lesser extent. You've always been very much like Kyle and Tim. You told me about your trust fund, and all, and I know you have money, but you never mention that. You work, just like I do, and you work hard. That's the way Kyle and Tim are, too," I said. "The money I inherited is ours, not mine," Kev said. "Oh, I know that. Anyway, though, Justin and Brian are two of the best, don't you think?" "No question about that," he said. |