Putting Tim on that plane was hard. He and I both cried a little, and I felt like a total dumbass for doing it right there in public. I kept telling myself it was only for a week and then I'd see him again. I think I might have been acting that way as much out of fear of what it would be like if something happened and he never made it back, as I was over missing him. I kept thinking about Jeff and what he must have gone through when Clay died. I mean, I knew Jeff had a rough time of it, but I didn't realize how rough until I started thinking about Tim being gone from my life. We hadn't gone to church Saturday night, like we usually did, because of the party. We went on Sunday night, instead. I had talked to Jerry a little bit at the party about wanting to talk to him about becoming a Catholic, and we made an appointment for after Mass that night. We always went out to the Pelican's Post to eat after Mass, and a lot of the time he came with us. That night, though, it would only be him and me, so we could talk. We shook hands when he came to the table. I got there about five minutes before he did, and I had already ordered a glass of iced tea. I didn't know what he wanted, otherwise I would have ordered for him. "That was a great party yesterday and last night," he said when he sat down. "Justin is a fine young man, just like all the rest of you guys." "Thanks, Jerry. He's my best friend, you know. I love that boy almost as much as I love Tim," I said. "It shows, Kyle." I chuckled. The waiter brought us menus, but Jerry and I had eaten there so often we already knew what we wanted. We didn't bother to read the menu. We just ordered. "How long have you been thinking about becoming a Catholic," he asked. "About a year, I guess, give or take a month or two. Tim's Catholic, and so are Kevin, Rick, Brian, and Jeff. It just seems right to do it," I said. "Don't do it for them, though. Do it for yourself. Do it for Kyle," he said. "Oh, I know. If I didn't know all of them, and you and Pat and Doc and Sonya and all the New Orleans people, I probably never would have thought about wanting to do it. But I do know all of y'all, and that makes it easier for me," I said. "Do you know what you'd have to do," he asked. "Not really." "You'll have to go through a program called the RCIA. That stands for the Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults. It takes about eight months. There will be a class starting right after Labor Day, and it will end when you're accepted into the Church at the Easter Vigil on Holy Saturday. That's the day before Easter. There are classes or some other kind of activity once a week, more or less. You'll have to have a sponsor, someone in the parish who is a practicing Catholic and who is willing to help you grow in faith and love during the RCIA process," he said. "Could Tim do that?" "Has Tim been confirmed," he asked. "I think so," I said. "Then legally Tim could do it, Kyle, but I'm going to recommend somebody else. Not because I don't love Tim to death and think he's a great young man, but I'd like to see you work with somebody older and wiser," he said. "Who were you thinking about?" "George Murphy. Tim's dad," he said. "Oh, wow, Jerry. He'd cream his jeans, if I asked him to do that," I said. Jerry laughed so loud when I said that that people at a couple of tables near us stared our way. "Kyle, you do have a way with words," Jerry said, still laughing. I hadn't meant for it to really be funny, but I guess there was a little irony in what I had said, under the circumstances. "And I think you're right. George would cream his jeans, at least figuratively," he said. "So, should I ask him, or will you do that," I asked. "You need to do it. I brought some pamphlets with me that explain the whole thing. They're out in my car, and we can get them before we leave. How do your parents feel about this?" "They love Doc," I said. "He's my dad's best friend." "I know." He was laughing a little bit. "I didn't mean how they feel about George. I meant, how do they feel about you becoming a Catholic." "Oh. I see what you mean. Oh, they're totally supportive. Jerry, I know I joke and laugh a lot to have fun, but there's a serious side of me, too. They know I've thought it through and that it's a serious decision on my part. They're cool with it," I said. They brought our food just then, and we started eating. "Kyle, I want to talk to you about the Catholic Church's position on homosexuality. I think it's important that you understand that as fully as you can up front, okay? Do you know anything about it?" "Not really," I said. "I know a little bit about the sex scandal with the priests. A lot of that is gay-related, isn't it?" "Yeah, some of it is," he said, "and the media have tended to focus on that a lot more than is warranted, I think. That's not really what I had in mind, though, although it's related. "There are some passages in the Bible that some people say condemn homosexuality. Now days, scripture scholars--people who study the Bible for a living--believe that those passages have been misinterpreted. Some say the people of Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed because they committed the serious sin of refusing hospitality to strangers, which was a very big no-no in the Bible. Others say homosexual sex was forbidden because it was part of a cult of the worship of idols. Anyway, I can give you some good references to read on that subject, if you're interested. "Jesus didn't say anything about homosexuality, and, in the Old Testament, it's only male homosexuality, not female, that is condemned. The point is, it's not nearly as clear cut as some people would have you believe. What is clear cut, though, is Jesus' command to love, to forgive, and to not judge. Straight men and women express their love for one another through sex with one another. For us, you and me and other gay men, it's through sex with another man. "Anyway, the Church has held on to that teaching. For a long time they said just being homosexual was evil. Now they say that you can't help being homosexual, but you just can't engage in homosexual acts of love. Their reasoning is that all sex outside of marriage is wrong. Because homosexuals can't marry one another, they can't ever have sex." "Kevin and Rick are married," I said. "Yeah, but not officially in the eyes of the Church, even though a priest performed the ceremony," he said. "That's a little confusing," I said. "It's a lot confusing," he said. "Anyway, I wanted to make the point that a great many Catholics, and not just gay and lesbian Catholics, either, don't buy the Church's teaching on the subject. They feel the way I do. Namely, that God created us gay, and we have the right, the fundamental human right, to love another person of the same sex and to express that love physically." "I'm on your side on that one," I said. "I figured you were," he said, chuckling. "There are about 45,000 Catholic priests in the United States, and the most commonly quoted estimate is that about 25% of them are gay. That's over 11,000 gay priests. But the priesthood and religious life have always attracted large numbers of homosexuals of both genders. In the olden days, you had two choices: marriage or the Church. A lot of people who were appalled by the idea of being forced to get married entered the priesthood or religious life. Even today, say a guy knows he's gay. He hears what the Church says about no sex unless you're married, and he buys into that. Priesthood might look pretty good. You can't get married, so you have a socially acceptable reason for not dating. It's a pretty comfortable life, and, until recently, you had a lot of status. You also help people." "Did that influence you," I asked. "Quite frankly, it did. It wouldn't today because of what I've learned in the meantime, but yeah, it did. That wasn't the only reason, but it was definitely a factor," he said. "Would you become a priest now, knowing what you know now?" "Fair question, and the answer is a definite 'yes.' When I see guys like Kevin and Rick, it's harder to say that, but I definitely would," he said. "Cool," I said. We had long since been finished with dinner, and he and I were having coffee. "One more point I want to make, and then I'm going to have to be going," he said. "I think most Catholics are pretty tolerant people. Many aren't, but the majority are, in my experience. Even the hierarchy, the bishops and such. What pisses me off is the way they fight homosexuality-related issues, like same-sex marriage. That's why Kevin and Rick can't adopt kids in this state. It's not because they're gay, per se; it's because they aren't a legally-married couple. And the Church vigorously opposes same-sex marriage. They proved that in Canada, recently. Now that hurts." Jerry was so busy talking, he didn't see me slip the waiter the money for both of us. I was hoping he wouldn't notice because I didn't want to argue with him about it. "We need to get our checks," he said. "Nope. All taken care of," I said. "Kyle! You weren't supposed to do that," he said. "You've never bought a good friend a meal," I asked. He grinned. "Well, thanks, Kyle. You guys don't really have to feed me every day, though, you know?" "Why not, if we want to?" * * * I had decided I was going to spend the week at Kevin and Rick's house. I loved my parents to death, but I thought I would stand a much better chance of not getting too lonesome for Tim at their house instead of my parents' house. I stopped at the grocery store on my way home and got peanuts, M & M's, and raisins to make us a treat. I had made that once before, and they seemed to really like it. I bought microwave popcorn, although I thought we might have some of that already, and an eight-pack of Snickers to cut up into little pieces in the popcorn. I also bought some candy corn, those little triangle-shaped candies that are white on the tip and orange at the bottom. I wanted to try mixing those with salty peanuts to see how they'd be. I had heard of that but had never tried it. It was still pretty early when I got home, and they were all in the den watching a movie on TV. I went in the back door and straight into the kitchen. Trixie wasn't in her bed, of course. She was good about sleeping in there but not until all her people were in bed. I mixed up two bowls of the peanut-M & M-raisin treat and one of the candy corn and peanuts. I popped two bags of popcorn and chopped up four Snickers to put in it. I put all four bowls on a tray and took it all out to the den. They all told me hi. It was Kevin and Rick, of course, and Justin and Brian, Seth and Cody, Alex, and Chip. Jeff and Tyler must have been on a date or at his house. I set the tray on the coffee table, and Trixie was the first one up to investigate. She knew damn good and well not to mess with that stuff. I had had to scold her a few times about that. "Oh, Jesus! What have you done," Rick said. "I made some treats," I said. "I knew there was some reason we kept you around here, Bubba," Jus said. "Damn. Look at this stuff." They didn't waste any time digging in. "Kyle, this is good stuff," Chip said. "Man, this is really good stuff. What's it called?" "I don't know what the names are for it," I said. "Let's give 'em names," Bri said. "I think the stuff with the raisins should be called Tick Supreme." Everybody laughed. "That's what raisins remind me of," I said. "They remind me of ticks. I love that name, Bri." "How about Popcorn Candy for the popcorn one," Chip said. "Yeah, I like that," I said. "What are we going to call the candy corn and peanuts?" "We always called that candy Chicken Corn when I was a kid," Kevin said. "I think we should call it Chicken Nuts," Justin said. Everybody laughed. "Oh, I love that, Bubba," I said. "Kind of reminds me of you, Jus." "That was in the old days, Kyle," Justin said, grinning. "I know," I said. "But I still love the name." The movie was over by the time everybody had dug into the treats. I felt kind of bad about disrupting their watching of it, but they sure didn't seem to mind. We were all kind of quiet as we munched on the stuff. Then Rick said, "Jus, Kevin and I forgot to give you one of your gifts last night." "Damn! More presents?" "Yeah. We had this ready, too, but we forgot to give it to you," Kevin said. Rick got up and went into the study. He came back with an envelope and handed it to Justin. Jus looked back and forth between them. Then he looked at me like I knew something about it, but I just shrugged. He opened the envelope and pulled out a check. "What's this for," he asked. "Read the amount, dumbass. That's what it's for," Rick said. He and Kevin were grinning their faces off. "It says $6,600.00. I don't get it," Jus said. "That's the money the state gave us for being your foster parents," Kevin said. "That's your money, Kev. You and Rick earned it," Jus said. "Jus, when you first came here, we were both making decent salaries, but that money from the state really helped out. But then we got our current jobs, and we make way more money than we need. In the meantime, we sort of fell in love with you, dude. We wanted to support you because we loved you, not because the state paid us to. You really are our son, Justin. People don't get paid to raise their son," Kevin said. What he said really got to ole Jus. There were huge tears of happiness in his eyes, and, truth be known, in mine, too. Kevin and Rick were both on the verge as well. Jus couldn't keep it together, and he let 'em loose. When he did, we all did, at least those of us who knew everything. The new boys--Seth, Cody, Alex, and Chip--didn't have a clue about what was going on. Kevin, Rick, Brian, and I knew, though, and we all bawled. If Jeff had been there, he would have done the same thing. Brian and I scooted over to Jus to hug him. Where the hell is Tim, I thought. Then I remembered. He was missing this, and that tugged at my heart. "You're missing your boy, aren't you," Jus said, after we had calmed down and he and I had gone to take Trixie outside. "Oh, yeah. And he's missing this, man. This was important for you, wasn't it?" "Kyle, when he said, 'People don't get paid to raise their son,' that was the happiest moment of my life," Justin said. "I knew that was the way they felt for a long time, but Kevin said it, man. He fucking said it." "I know," I said. "And he meant it." "I know. That's why it was so good." * * * That was a rough day for me, emotionally. I mean, seeing everybody off took its toll on me. First it was Grandma and Grandpa Foley, and Craig and Cherie. Then Tim and Doc. Then Grandma and Grandpa Jacobs. Wow! That was a lot of crying. Then, that night, that whole business with Justin. That Justin boy was so happy. But you still need support from your brothers and friends when you're happy, you know? When Kevin told him they took care of him all that time because they loved him and not because they were getting paid to, I knew full well what that family was all about. And Justin knew where he fit in to that. He had heard that before in one form or other, and I knew it. But you need to hear more than once that people love you for it to really sink in. Anyway, I figured I'd be out like a light when I went to bed. No way! That was the first night I had slept by myself in over a year, and I needed my boy. I was so pitiful. Why would I feel that way? What was wrong with me? I flailed around in that bed looking for him. There was a scent on his pillow that reminded me of him, and I sniffed that scent for all I was worth. I wasn't craving sex, although that would have been nice. I was craving my boy, my Tim. I couldn't sleep, so finally I got up and went downstairs. I poked around in the kitchen for something to eat. I had bought double of everything I served that night, so I could have made me some more of that. Instead, I got me a banana out of the fruit bowl, and I ate that. In a little while, I heard somebody coming down the back stairs. I was butt naked, and I hoped he wouldn't mind. I mean, I couldn't imagine who would mind that, but you never knew. It was Justin, naked as the day he was born. "Hey," he said. "You couldn't sleep, either, I guess." "No. I thought I was pretty tired, too, but I guess I wasn't," I said. "You're not used to sleeping by yourself, are you?" "No, I'm not," I said. "It just feels good having him next to me in bed, you know?" "Of course I know," he said. "Did you get into any of this?" He moved his hand like he was jerking off. "Naw. I almost never do that anymore. At least not by myself," I said. "I don't, either. That's kind of ironic, isn't it? You and me both gay, and neither one of us jerks off." "Not really. I'm well taken care of." "I know," he said, grinning. I didn't know what he wanted, if anything, but it felt really good to be there with him. I knew that Justin and I were as close as any two friends could be, and we trusted each other completely. "Let's walk out to the dock," he said. "Okay." We went outside, and the night air was warm and damp. That's pretty much the way it always was in Emerald Beach in the summer time, and it felt good to be outside naked like we were. We walked down to the dock and stood there looking at the water. There was a tiny light that we kept on all night on the dock. I wasn't exactly sure why, but I was glad it was there that night. Jus and I sat down next to one another and let our legs hang down over the water. Neither one of us said anything for a long time. Eventually, though, he started talking. "What's going to happen, Kyle?" "What do you mean?" "I've been thinking a lot about the future these last couple of days. College and all. I'm really scared about that," he said. "Do you not want to go," I asked. "No, I do want to go. I think I need to, don't you?" "If you're talking about for a job, the answer is no. You'll always have a job, as long as you want one. And you'll get promoted, too." "I know that. I really wasn't thinking about for a job. I was thinking about so I can be like everybody else." "Not everybody goes to college, Bubba," I said. "I know that, too, but all of y'all will, or already have. I'm talking about the family. I don't want to be the only one who didn't go to college." I started feeling kind of bad just then. "Jus, I tease a lot about you and me being the dumb ones, but we aren't, you know," I said. He chuckled a little. "I know that, Kyle. I know you and I aren't dumb. I don't have much education, though. I know I can learn, and I can even be refined when I want to be. And so can you. I'm also not a lazy person." "I won't tease anymore about us being dumb," I said. "Have I ever hurt your feelings by teasing?" He put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me to him a little bit. "Kyle, the only thing, and I mean the only thing, you have ever done to me is to help me. To make me feel good about myself. I love you, and I know you love me. If you ever said anything to hurt my feelings, I know it wouldn't be on purpose, Bubba. You're not that kind of person. I'm not very religious, you know? But I do believe in God, and I believe God sent me here to save me. And a big part of that has been you, Kyle." I didn't say anything because I didn't know what to say. "I don't know what to say, Jus. I think God sent me here, too. I get scared sometimes that the happiness in my life isn't going to last. I don't know if I could stand that, you know?" "Same here," he said. "Let's go back to bed, okay? Thank you for coming downstairs. I needed you right at that moment. I think I can get to sleep now. I guess we're all in this adventure together." "Adventure," Jus asked. "Yeah. Life."
The trip to Boston wasn't too bad. There weren't too many people traveling, I thought, until we got off the plane in Atlanta. The fact was, there just weren't too many people on our flight. The Atlanta airport was busy, though, just like always. "We probably ought to get something to eat," Dad said. "They won't feed us on the plane." We went to one of the little restaurants that are all over the place and got some lunch. "Are you excited," Dad asked. I sort of shrugged. "You're sad about leaving Kyle behind, aren't you?" I nodded. "Well, he'll be in Boston next Saturday. That's not so long, is it?" "Oh, no. I wish he were here, but I can handle that. I'm just a little nervous about meeting all those people in Maine," I said. "They're all your relatives, Tim. They'll love you," he said. "Do they know I'm gay, Dad," I asked. That had been in the back of my mind since I had found out about the trip. "I don't see how they would. I doubt seriously that your grandparents have told any of them. Are you scared about that? About them finding out?" "I don't care if they know. I'm not ashamed of that, at least not anymore. I just don't know how they'll take it, you know?" "I do know, son." "Tell me again who's going to be there." "My two first cousins, Charlotte and Virginia, their husbands, and their kids. It was just the three of us growing up, and Charlotte and Virginia and I were very close. Our mothers were sisters. They're sisters, and Charlotte is a year older than I, and Ginger is a year younger. They each have four children, and I'm sure all of them will be there." "How old are the kids?" "I've sort of lost track of exactly how old they are, but three or four of them are teenagers. One graduated from high school this year, so he must be seventeen or eighteen. Each of my cousins has two boys and two girls. The older ones are boys, if I'm not mistaken," Dad said. "I hope they like me," I said. "They all know one another, and I'm the new kid." "They'll like you, son. Trust me, okay?" "Okay, Dad," I said. Sure, I thought. Everybody loves the queer cousin they've never met. * * * We landed at Logan Airport in Boston and rented a car to go to Cape Porpoise, Maine. It was pretty cool driving through the Massachusetts and Maine countrysides, and some of the scenery was beautiful. I thought about the fun Kyle would have had with his cameras, taking pictures of the covered bridges and the views of the ocean. It took a while to get where we were going, and I did some of the driving. Cape Porpoise was where Kennebunkport was, and there were some really neat little towns around there. Some of the houses were very large, too. You could tell there were a lot of people who had money, and I saw some nice cars on the streets. The place where we would be staying was a sort of compound. There were two big houses and one smaller house, all sort of grouped around a central garden sort of thing. A front yard, really. We were pretty close to the ocean, and the air smelled a lot like it does in Emerald Beach. Dad and I would have the smaller house to ourselves except for two cousins, who were already set up in the second bedroom. Dad and I were going to share a bedroom, too. Ours had a double bed and a twin bed, and the other room just had a double bed. They all came outside to meet us when we got there. Dad introduced me to the adults, and then the adults introduced me to their kids. There were a lot of people and a lot of names to keep straight. Charlotte's husband was Mike Ryan, and their kids were Patrick, who they called Paddy, and he was 18. Next was Tony, 16, and the girls, Anne, 14, and Margaret, 12. The other family were the Cooks, and Ginger and Charlie were the parents. Their kids were Steve, 16, Billy, 15, Laurie, 13, and Madison, 11. Paddy and Tony were sharing the small house with me and Dad. None of the kids were real talkative, and I could tell they were all busy checking me out. Kyle's always telling me how cute and beautiful I am, but I think a lot of that is just Kyle's bullshit. I know I'm not bad looking, though. Neither were those other kids. I was actually physically the largest one of the bunch. I had pretty much finished growing, and I was right at five ten. Paddy, the eighteen-year-old, was the biggest one of them, and I had a good two inches on him. They were all built pretty lean, skinny even, and I was glad at that moment for all the iron Kyle had made me pump since Christmas. It was getting close to meal time. They told us to put our stuff away and to come over to the Ryans' house for drinks and dinner. It didn't take Dad and me long to do that. "Nice looking kids, don't you think," Dad asked as we were unpacking. "I guess," I said, non-commitally. I changed out of my travel clothes and put on shorts, a tank top, my deck shoes, and a baseball cap. The cap I had was actually one of Kyle's. He had wanted me to take it and wear it. "Come here," Dad said. He grabbed me up in a big hug. "They might be nice looking kids, but none of them is as good looking as you are, just remember that. And none of them has a fine man like Kyle coming up to see them next week. I'm so proud of you, son." That made me relax. I knew my dad loved me, no matter what, and I knew he loved Kyle, his other son, just as much. "Are you okay," he asked. "Yes, sir," I said. "I'll be fine. I'll just be myself." "If you do that, Tim, you'll steal the show, that's for sure," he said. "You're not just a little prejudiced, are you?" "Not a little prejudiced. A lot prejudiced," he said. We both laughed, and I felt good. I was so glad I wore that tank top. Those other boys looked at me with respect on their faces. "You must work out, huh," Tony said. "A little," I said, understating my ass off. "What about you?" "Naw, not really," he said. "And it shows," Paddy said to his brother. "Like you do," Tony answered with a sneer. "You guys cut it out, huh," Steve said. "None of us is worth a shit at sports, and we all know it. Do you play sports, Tim?" "I used to play baseball in middle school, but nothing anymore. Just work out, water ski, backyard basketball . . . stuff like that," I said. "Oh, and I swim a good bit." "Are you dating anybody," Tony asked. "I've been dating somebody for about a year and a half," I said. And you'd love him! I thought. "Why is that always your first question," Paddy asked. "You've never had a date in your life." "Just checking out if he's a homo like you, that's why," Tony said. I could tell those two brothers weren't best friends, that's for sure. "Do you ever shoot pool? We were talking about walking into town and shooting some pool tonight, if you want to," Billy, the youngest of the boys, said. "What kind of pool can you play with five people," Tony asked defiantly. "Continuous pool," I said. "Sometimes it's called fourteen-one pool. Me and my friends play it all the time when there's an odd number." "So what are you, some kind of pool shark," Tony said. I wondered if that guy knew how to smile. "Not really, although we won a bunch of money off some hustlers in New York last March. We were there for Spring Break," I said. Tony, I thought, if I was a shark in a pool, the first thing I'd do is bite your nuts off. "Who were you with, Tim," Paddy asked. "Three of my friends. The same three guys who are coming up to Boston next week. Y'all will have to meet 'em," I said. "Y'all? How Southern," Tony said. That boy had a major attitude problem, and I couldn't wait for my big brother Justin to meet his ass. He and Kyle will verbally rip that boy a new asshole, and Tony won't even know it happened. "Come and eat, guys," Charlotte said. It was a buffet, although it didn't hold a candle to the spreads Kyle put out for us. It was grilled hamburgers and hotdogs, some baked beans (they were Bostonians, after all), and some coleslaw. Mike Ryan, Charlotte's husband and the father of Paddy and Tony, began the usual Catholic blessing before we started in the line, and everybody recited the blessing together. I knew that was the way most Catholics did it, but not at our house. Our blessings meant something. The adults sat at the only picnic table that was available, and the kids all sat on the ground. It was like three clumps of people: adults at the table, boys in one spot on the lawn, and girls in another spot on the lawn. "Have you got a summer job," Paddy asked. "Yeah, I do," I said. "I work in a gift shop on the beach where I live." "Cool," Paddy said. "Shit. Another fag," Tony said, and he got up to go sit by himself. "Tim, I'm sorry, man," Paddy said, obviously embarrassed by the way his brother was acting. "Is he always like that," I asked. "Yeah, pretty much," Steve said. "He's a real pain in the ass. Nobody likes him. He thinks everybody he meets is gay, and he hates gays." Phew! My stomach was in a huge knot, and I didn't want it to stay that way all week. I decided the three of them who were still there were decent guys, and they were, after all, the only cousins I had. Them and their sisters. I decided to go for it. Hell, I thought, if they don't want me hanging around them, I'll find ways to entertain myself during the week I was going to be there. Fuck the closet. "In my case, he's right," I said. Nobody moved when I said that. Billy had a hotdog halfway to his mouth, and I noticed he put it back on his plate. In my mind's ear I heard Jus saying, "Scratch Billy off our team's roster," and I almost laughed out loud. "That's not a problem with us," Steve said. "I'm gay, too," Paddy said, barely above a whisper. At that moment I wished gay people had some kind of secret handshake or something so Paddy and I could have used it. "Does he know about you," I asked. "Oh, yes. He knows. And he gives me no peace about it. My parents have restricted him, talked to him, prayed for him, grounded him, sent him to counseling for it, and done just about everything in the world to make him leave me alone, but he won't. I hate my brother, and he hates me," Paddy said. "And you guys are okay with us being gay," I asked Steve and Billy. "Tim, everybody in this family is okay with Paddy being gay, and they'll be okay with you being gay, too. Everybody but Tony," Steve said. I thought for a few moments before I responded. "Do you think Tony might be . . ." "That has crossed my mind many, many times, Tim," Paddy said. "He says he's straight. Actually, he says he's 'normal.'" "Oh, one of those," I said. They all laughed. "So, how do we handle him to keep him from not letting us have a good time," I asked. "Just ignore him, Tim. That's what we do most of the time," Billy said. "He won't stay away from us, though, as much as we'd like him to. He'll want to go with us to shoot pool later, if that's what we do." "God, I wish Kyle was here," I said. "Who's Kyle," Paddy asked. "He's my boyfriend. My partner. It's beyond boyfriend with us, guys. He'd love you guys, and y'all would love him," I said. I decided I was going to say "y'all" as often as I remembered to say it. "He's unbelievable." "He's coming next week, right? Do you think we could all hang out or something," Paddy asked. "Yeah, he's coming to Boston. He and another couple, actually. Justin and Brian. It was the four of us in New York over Spring Break. And we sorta kinda live together, too. You'll all love these guys. Justin and Kyle are best friends, and Brian and I are best friends. And, of course, there are the two relationships. The four of us are a pretty awesome group," I said. We had all finished eating a while before. It was close to 7:30, but the daylight didn't look like it was going to end for a long time. "I really wouldn't mind shooting some pool," I said, "if y'all are up for it." "Let's go," Paddy said. We took our trash up to a garbage can they had set out on the lawn. We told the parents where we were going, and they told us to have a good time. "Everything's cool, Dad," I said, "except with Tony." "I figured it would be, Tim. If you guys have a drink, be careful," Dad said. "Hell, George, they're walking," Mike said. "Still, I want them to be careful," Dad said. "Yes, sir, we will be," I said. "Tony, do you want to come with us? We're going to shoot pool." "Yeah, I guess," he said. Don't be so enthusiastic, man, I thought. "Well, come on," I said. "Thanks, Tim," Mike, Tony's dad, said. Mike winked at me, and I grinned back at him. The five of us took off walking to town. We had a perfectly good mini-van I could have taken, but I guessed the tradition was we walked into town. We weren't around a curve in the road more than ten seconds when Paddy and Steve pulled out packs of cigarettes. Paddy offered one to me, but I said no thanks. Steve gave one to his brother, and they all lit up. "I want one," Tony said. I figured they'd tell him to fuck off, but Steve gave him one of his. "The fag doesn't want a fag," Tony said to me. "Hold up," I said. I put my hands up in the air to signal for us to stop. "Tony, man, I am gay. You were right. I'm queer. I'm a cocksucker. I'm a fudge packer. I'm queer as a three-dollar bill. But you know what? I'm proud of being gay." "I knew I was right. I have excellent gaydar," Tony said. "Yeah, most gay guys do," I said. "Back in Florida, we have a Labrador Retriever puppy by the name of Trixie. We've been training her, me and my gay brothers, not to be obnoxious. Do you know how we train Trixie?" "No, how?" "Every time she does something obnoxious, like lick us on the face or something, we give her a little reminder. Like this." I punched him right in his gut, and he doubled over. He puked right there in the road. When he was back up, he looked like he was about to rear back to get my ass. What I had already done to him was so unlike me that I knew the guys back in Emerald Beach wouldn't have believe it. But goddamn it, Kyle was right. I wasn't going to take that shit and have a great week with those other three boys ruined by that prick. I was ready for him. "You want some of me, buddy? Well, come on. This fag is ready for you," I said. "Fuck you, cocksucker," he screamed. I popped him another one. "What did you say?" "Faggot! Motherfucking faggot," he screamed. I popped him again. "I can keep this up all night, Bubba," I said. "Please don't make me do it, Tony." "Fuck you," he said, with more venom than I had ever heard from another human being. "Get your ass back to the house, man. You're my cousin, Tony. I came here with absolutely nothing against you, man. I wanted to be your friend, but I won't take your bullshit. And I mean it. Go on home. You're not welcome with us right now. Think about it, man. Your brother and I are gay. So fucking what? He's always going to be your brother, and I'm always going to be your cousin, no matter what. You can't change that, and your mean talk won't change us. Go home." "You're going to be sorry, Murphy," he said. "Maybe. Maybe not. Tony, if you ever want to talk, I'm here for you, Bubba. And I mean that." "Fuck you," he said. He turned to go back home. "I think he'd like to do just that," Steve said. "Ewwww," Billy said. We all laughed. We shot pool that night and had a great time. Paddy bought beers for all four of us, and I drank mine right down with them. He asked who was ready for another round, but one was enough for me. I knew Kyle and Jus would have had three or four, just like those guys did, but drinking and smoking were just not big on my list of things to do. I didn't care if they did that, any more than I cared if Kevin, Kyle, and Jus did. I just wasn't interested. We didn't put any money on the pool games we played, and I was glad we didn't. We played queer-straight teams, and Paddy and I would have raked in the money from those two. All three of them were really nice guys, and I liked them a lot. I was glad they were my cousins. |