"Son, how many more do you have room for," my dad asked me during Justin's party. "Physically or emotionally," I asked. "Both," he said. "Well, we're just about maxed out on rooms. We have two more empty rooms on the third floor, but that little guy, Chip, has been sleeping there some. His dad is the General Manager of the Laguna, where a bunch of the kids work, and that little dude has latched onto us," I said. "I don't know how he's going to fit in with us in the long term. He needs us now, though." "How old is he," Dad asked. "He's fourteen, almost fifteen," I said. "Really?! Late developer," he said. "Is he gay?" "I don't know. Nobody does. Dad, he's just so needy. He worships our guys, and, God bless 'em, they've been so good to him. Physically, he's still a little boy, Dad, but he doesn't appear the least bit inhibited by that around our guys. His dad told me he said Kyle saved his life the other night because Kyle told him how to play the school scheduling game so he won't have to take a shower with the other guys at school," I said. "Isn't that what Kyle does? Save lives," Dad asked. I laughed, and Dad did, too, but we both knew that was true, at least figuratively. "Well, he has his hands full this summer, although Seth seems to be fine and on his own now. I guess Seth is another case closed," I said. "Who's this Alex boy? Where'd he come from?" "Rockville Centre on Long Island in New York, but Kyle and Tim found him in the parking lot of a grocery store here. He's an abuse victim of his step-father, and he ran away. We had him in to the hospital for emergency surgery the first night he was here," I said. "Your mother told me about that," he said. "He says he's bisexual, but I'm not really sure what that means," I said. "Aren't you bisexual, son? You told us you thought you were. You've been with girls, haven't you?" "Yeah, I have, Dad, but that was a sham. That wasn't me. I'm fully gay, and I always have been. My understanding of bisexuality is that the attraction to men and women is pretty much equal. Alex says he's bi but that he's in a male phase right now. This sexuality stuff . . ." "It's very complicated, isn't it?" "Yeah, it is, especially for these young guys. I know who I am, Dad, and Rick knows who he is." "And you know who the two of your are, too, don't you?" "Yes, sir, I think we do," I said. He grabbed me into a big hug. "I'm so proud of you, Kevin, of you and Rick, I could burst," he said. "You and Mom, and Craig and Cherie, have been wonderful in the way you've supported us," I said. "And we always will support you, son. We always will. Did Craig tell you about the problem they have in conceiving?" "Yes, Dad. They both told me," I said. "It's terrible, isn't it?" "Well, yes and no. They'll adopt. They've already put in applications all over the place in New Orleans. It's terrible that they can't have their own like you mother and I did, but it's wonderful that they'll give a good home to children who are otherwise unwanted," he said. "Kind of like us," I said. "Exactly like you and Rick," he said. "Those boys are going to be your sons for the rest of your lives, Kev. And probably a lot more of them will be, too. Am I right?" "Yes, sir. Probably a lot more." Beth's Perspective The boys were even more magnificent at Justin's birthday party than they had been at Tim's. We hadn't seen them in a couple of months, and I think every one of them had grown. So many people dwelled on the difficulties of raising adolescents, but adolescence is a glorious time. I can remember the nun I had for homeroom and English when I was a senior in high school saying, "You want to be adults when it suits your purposes, and you want to be children when it suits your purposes. Unfortunately for you, nobody else can see it that way." Kevin and Rick had decided they were raising young adults, not children, and everything they did pointed in that direction. One example was, they let the boys smoke openly, if they wanted to. They couldn't have stopped those boys from smoking if the boys had wanted to, any more than Ed and I could have stopped Craig and Kevin. A lot of people would have criticized them for that, and, as much as Ed and I abhorred smoking, we knew that a lot of people smoked. Kevin and Rick were right not to make an issue of that. The result was that the boys smoked very little. The issue of drinking was the same. Those boys were going to drink, just as my boys had drunk when they were teenagers. By not making it an issue, they defused it as a point of rebellion. Seth was a case, though. I had first met him at Mardi Gras, so I got a glimpse of the "before" and "after," as it were. I hadn't seen him since February, but his plastic surgeon had worked a miracle on that boy. That was only the physical side, though. Kyle and the other boys, but mostly Kyle, had somehow worked a miracle on the rest of him. I had known that boy was gay when I had first set eyes on him--I raised one, after all--and his acknowledgement of that about himself had allowed him to turn an important corner. There he was in Emerald Beach, boyfriend and all, proud and happy. I said a little prayer of thanks to Our Lady of Lourdes that he had come that far. Alex concerned me. Of course, Kevin had filled me in on him when he first got there. I had started to go to Emerald Beach when I found out about his surgery, but I didn't know him. I was afraid that importing a doctor from another state might have scared him and unnerved him, and his procedure, while serious, was relatively simple. The incision was only about an inch long, and, as it turned out, he was at work within a week. He had endured abuse for years, though, and I knew that would have long-term psychological consequences. It probably would with Justin and Brian, too, but they were both coping exceptionally well. And Chip. Precious little Chip. I'm sure his parents called him that because they thought he would be a "chip off the old block" that was his dad. In his case, though, he was more like a splinter. I probably had twenty boys and girls in my active pediatrics practice who had delayed puberty, and every one of them suffered emotional consequences from it. The girls were relatively easy to handle. I would write a prescription for prosthetic breasts, falsies, in other words, and most of them were then able to cope. The boys were a very different story. Many schools insisted that boys shower with other boys in those horrible gang showers, and that was an open invitation for ridicule for a boy like Chip. There was no hiding the truth under those circumstances. I had written innumerable letters to schools on those boys' behalf, and I was only certain a few had hit the mark. They were precious kids, just as Chip was, and I had many of the children of some of the first I had treated on my current patient roster. Like they had, Chip would eventually mature, but the hell he would have to go through in the meantime was awful. "Hi, Grandma," Kyle said, disrupting my reverie. "Hey. We haven't had a chance to talk yet, have we?" "No, ma'am. You were looking at Chip. Were you thinking about him," he asked. "Yes, I was, Kyle. Are you taking care of him?" "Yes, ma'am, I'm trying to." "You're going to be BMOC next year, aren't you?" "What does that mean," he asked. "Big Man on Campus," I said. "I don't know about that," he said, and he blushed just a tiny bit. "Aren't you student body president next year? If that's not a Big Man on Campus, I don't know what is," I said. He blushed a little bit more. "Is Chip going to your high school next year," I asked. "Yes, ma'am," he said. "Are you going to take care of him? Because he needs you, Kyle." "Grandma, what do you think? Of course I'm going to take care of him. I take care of all my boys," he said, smiling broadly. "I know you will, son. Nobody messes with your boys, right?" "Right," he said. "You are so cool, Grandma." We sat in companionable silence for a few moments, and I could tell Kyle was thinking. "Is there anything you can do to make Chip have puberty? I don't think he's had it yet," he said. What an incredibly innocent and quaint way of saying that, I thought. "That's just what I was thinking about when you came over," I said. "You knew about him?" "Yes, I could tell. Delayed puberty is pretty common. He'll reach it eventually," I said. "It's important for you boys to remember that he's almost fifteen and for you to treat him like a fifteen-year-old and not like a little kid." "I think we pretty much do that. I mean, we talk about the same kind of stuff with him that we do with each other, and we play around physically with him the same way we play around with each other. I don't think he has any friends but us, though, and he's a real nice guy," he said. "I'm sure he feels pretty self-conscious, and that keeps him distant from most people. Do you know if he's seen a doctor about it," I asked. "Well, we haven't talked that much, but he said his dad told him he was like that, too, when he was a kid. The doctor he went to x-rayed his hand and wrist. Now I could see how the size of your hand and wrist would tell you something about puberty in a guy like me, but . . ." I howled. "You are terrible," I said, barely able to talk from laughing so hard. Kyle was grinning his head off. He knew he was cute. "The doctor did a bone age study with that x-ray. Even though Chip might be fourteen or fifteen chronologically, it doesn't mean his bones have developed at the same rate as his age. That's especially true if his dad had the same condition when he was a boy," I said. "Bone age is a good indicator of when somebody will start puberty. It sounds like the medical part of the problem is well under control. It's the psychological and social parts that need work, and you and the other boys can do more to help there than a roomful of doctors." "We'll do what we can. This morning at breakfast he said he doesn't know much about sex," he said. "I'm sure he knows the basics, but nobody ever feels that they know all they want to know about sex, Kyle," I said. He grinned shyly. "Am I right?" "Yes, ma'am, you're right," he said. "But I thought I was the only one like that, though. Me and the other guys." "That's pretty much universal, son," I said. Justin's Perspective The day of my birthday was unbelievable. When Kyle gives a party, he really gives a good one. He was in charge of the food and drink, and there was enough to feed a small army. That was a good thing, though, because that day everybody turned out. It started around nine in the morning with skiing, and there were a good forty people here by noon. More came as the day moved on, and I Kyle told me we ended up feeding sixty people dinner. Everybody had to keep their clothes on at Kevin and Rick's house because there were ladies around all day. That was okay, though. Anybody who wanted to swim naked could go down to Kyle's house, but mostly we just swam in suits. Around three o'clock, I got pretty tired, so I went into the house to catch me a little nap. Kyle was in the den by himself, and he had a really long face on. "What's the matter, Bubba," I asked. "Nothing," he said. I sat next to him on the sofa. I wanted to put my arms around him to cheer him up and to show him I cared, but I knew he wouldn't like that. I knew Kyle pretty damn good, and I knew he was thinking about missing Tim. "Are you thinking about him," I asked. He just nodded. "It's only for a week. Then you'll be going up there to see him," I said. "I know. I'll make it," he said. "I'll be here with you, Bubba. None of this, though," I said, grabbing his crotch. I did that as a joke, but I'll tell you what. He was in a little red Speedo and nothing else, and that boy looked good. Usually when I did that, he pushed my hand away or hit me or something, and I did the same to him, when he did it to me. He didn't do anything, though, that time. I felt him start to get hard right away. I knew that wasn't a good idea for either of us, so I took my hand away without him saying anything. "I knew you wouldn't do it," he said, laughing. "I'll be good," I said. He grinned at me. "It's hard sometimes, isn't it? To not just go for each other, I mean," he said. "I knew what you meant, and, yeah, it is. But it's best the way it is between us, don't you think?" "Oh, yeah. It's the way it's got to be," he said. "Are you having fun?" "I'm having a great time," I said. "I still can't believe everybody's turning out for me like they are. And they all brought presents, too." "I'd have busted 'em, if they hadn't," he said. "It's your eighteenth birthday, man. Everybody's got to celebrate that." "I'm not Kevin and Rick's kid anymore," I said. "I know. In a few months they won't be able to be my guardians, either, if something were to happen to my mom and dad," he said. "I'm not so sure I like this getting older shit." "Kyle, you and Tim and the rest are going to have to help me when I start college, okay?" "We'll help you," he said. "You know, I never went to a day of high school. I don't even remember much about going to middle school," I said. "Just do what everybody else does," he said. "You're cool. You just better watch out for them girls." "See, my contact with people has been a lot more limited than yours or the others'," I said. "Kyle, I'll lay it on the line to you. You're my best friend in the world, and I really do love you. Man, I'm scared to fucking death about going to college." "Have you been out there yet," he asked. "I'm supposed to go take some tests next week, and register, too, I guess. Tuesday, in fact. I wish you could go with me." "If you want me there, I'll be there," I said. "Oh, thank you, man," I said. "I've been worried to death about that." "Why didn't you say something sooner?" "Kyle, there's a limit to how much I can ask out of you, you know?" "No, there isn't." "You've been busy getting the parties ready for me, and all," I said. "Justin, there's not a person in this house who wouldn't do anything at all for you. Especially me. I wonder if Cody and Alex are going to do the same as you," he said. "What do you mean?" "Well, I know Cody's starting college the same time you are, and I know Alex wants to," he said. "They have to take tests and register, too, you know. You ain't the only one, and you ain't the only one who's scared, I bet," he said. "I didn't think of them," I said. "All three of you guys need to stick together, take the same classes and all. That way, at least you'll know somebody in each class, and y'all can study together, too. I know Seth will be leaving at the end of the summer, so Cody won't have a boyfriend here anymore. But I also know he loves hanging around over here, and I hope that won't stop. Alex doesn't have any place to go, so you know he's going to be here," Kyle said. "Listening to you, I'm feeling a hell of a lot better," I said. "I wish you could go, too." "Well, that's out of the question, except for night classes," he said. "Gimme a smoke." I handed him my pack and lit up, too. "Kyle, about you and smoking," I said. "I don't want to discuss it. My job is to get you a carton every couple of weeks. Your job is to give me one every now and then, when I want one." We both laughed. "You said something about night classes. What's that all about," I asked. "They have this thing called dual enrollment. I can take some classes and get both high school and college credit for them. I've already taken some of those, and I have college credit for them. Right there from Emerald Coast Community College." "I didn't know that," I said. "Why the hell did you think I took all that hard math last year? I took College Algebra and Trigonometry dual enrolled. I'm signed up for dual enrolled English, but I bet that's one I could get at night. That would give me a period during the day when I could take Leadership," he said. "Leadership?" "Yeah, it's a bullshit course that I can take because I'm a senior and a major officer. The SGA sponsor wanted me to take it anyway, but I said no because I wanted to take dual enrolled English. If I went at night with you, I could take Leadership both semesters. I could work on SGA stuff during that time. That's basically why they have it, anyway," he said. "I'm already signed up for it second semester, anyway. I'll have two periods of it second semester." "What else are you taking," I asked. "Oh, Jus. It's a schedule made in heaven, man. First semester I have weight training, archery, Leadership, and economics, if I take English at night. Second semester I have weight training, cooking, Leadership, and Leadership," he said. "I'll take English at night then, too." "Not too much homework, it sounds like," I said. "Probably some in econ, which I can do during Leadership. Of course, I will have English. They'll be homework in that, I guarantee you," he said. "Like what?" "Writing papers. Essays. Probably reading some books, too, if it's like high school English," he said. "What do you mean by 'essay'? Like a story?" "No. It's like a thing where you get a thesis and write about it," he said. "See. I'm already lost," I said. "Maybe we ought to set you up with just a couple of courses. How does that sound? One during the day, and one at night," he said. "Get your feet wet." Cody and Seth came in just then. "Hey," Kyle and I said. They said hey back. "We've been talking about college," Kyle said. "Shit, I almost forgot about that. I have to go over there Tuesday for testing and other stuff," Cody said. "Registration, maybe." "Are you scared about it," Kyle asked. "I'm terrified," Cody said. Kyle looked at me and grinned, as if to say, See, you're not the only one. "I probably need to go, too. I'll call on Monday and find out what I have to do to take night classes. Jus and I are taking English at night," he said. "Well, count me in, boys," Cody said. "That is a real weakness for me. I'm only taking nine hours first semester so I can get my feet wet. Plus, I want to keep working. I'll guess they'll keep me after the summer." "They'll keep you," Kyle said. "What else are you taking, do you know?" "I guess I need to get my math out of the way. I'll probably take a history course, too. I think they call it Western Civ, or something like that," he said. "I forgot about that," Kyle said. "That's another one I took last year. Dual enrolled." "I wish I had taken some dual enrolled courses," Cody said. "History's going to be hard for me," I said. "I don't know anything about history. Like, I know the Fourth of July has something to do with history and some war or something, but that's all I know about it." "You don't know what the Fourth of July is all about," Seth asked, like he didn't believe anybody didn't know about that. He didn't say it mean or anything, but I could tell he was shocked. Kyle looked at Seth as serious as he ever looked at anything, and Seth noticed. "Step back on that one, Bubba," Kyle said. Kyle grinned at Seth, but it wasn't a happy, fun grin. It was forced, and Seth got the point. He grinned back at Kyle, but he shut up. "That might be a good one to take, Jus, especially if you and Cody can get in the same class," Kyle said. "Justin, you've got to do it with me, man," Cody said. "That would make such a big difference to me." "Let's go for it," I said. "Do you think I should take math, too?" "Yeah," Cody said. "Let's see how you do on the test," Kyle said. He was more realistic than Cody was, maybe. I had just finished my GED prep courses in December, and math hadn't been all that hard for me. Maybe I could take three courses, but I'd listen to Kyle's advice about that. I knew I could trust him. I could trust Cody, too, to be there for me, but he hadn't already had college math. Kyle had. We spent a full hour in there talking about that stuff. At four o'clock the people from the hotel came to get started on the dinner, so Kyle had to go see about it. "He's something, isn't he," Cody said, after Kyle had gone out with the hotel people. "He's the best," Seth said. Yeah, he is, I thought. And I'm his best friend. Not you. * * * We started off with drinks at 5:30. I had been drinking all day, off and on, but I wasn't drunk or buzzed or anything. It was just two or three beers. I took a shower with Brian after the hotel people got there, and we had put on shorts and nice shirts. I noticed most of the other ones had done the same thing. We ate at seven o'clock sharp, and everybody expected Jerry to say the blessing before we ate. "I think Kyle would do a better job tonight," Jerry said. "Will you lead us, Kyle?" "Yes, sir," he said. This is what he said: "Father in heaven, you say in the Bible that you will lead your chosen people to freedom, and you did. Tonight your family is gathered here to celebrate the freedom you have led us to. We celebrate the freedom our country declared on this day many years ago, and we also celebrate Justin's freedom from the awful tyranny of the yoke of childhood as he becomes a free adult today." Many people, including most of the grown ups, laughed. Kyle winked at me. "Justin's job in life is to give us fun and happiness, and he does that job extremely well. We thank you for our freedom as Americans, for our brother Justin and the freedom of joy he gives us, and for the gifts which we are about to receive from your bounty. Through Christ our Lord." "Amen!" everybody shouted out. And then they clapped. "Eat up," Kyle shouted. I couldn't help myself. I had tears in my eyes. Kyle gave me a big hug, and then Brian did, and Tim, Kevin, Rick, Jeff, and then all the rest of them filed by to hug me. By then, the tears in my eyes were running down my face, dripping off my chin. I don't have the words to say how happy I was. Trixie was right there, wanting a hug, too. I got down and hugged her, and she licked the tears off my face. Kyle was taking pictures. I knew he didn't want her doing that, but he didn't say anything. That was a time for love to replace the rules, and it did. The dinner was excellent. There were six tables set up in the clubhouse, and I knew we only owned five tables and fifty chairs. Kyle must have called the hotel at the last minute to tell them to send a table and ten more chairs over. My table had all of us but Jeff, Tyler, Alex, Seth, and Cody. When Kyle saw that Chip wasn't at our table, he made him come over and sit with us, too. That made Chip very happy. Between courses, Kyle made me get up with him to go from table to table to talk to the people. Brian and Tim came, too. It was our families and friends. There were a lot of damn people there, including a girl we had met at the hospital when Alex was sick. She was at the table with Doc and Sonya, Grandma and Grandpa Foley, Craig and Cherie, Beth and Arnie, and Jerry. "This must be the straight table," Kyle said, after they had all told him what a great job he had done on the blessing and after they had wished me happy birthday. "Almost," Jerry said, and they all laughed. "It's like a seminar, Kyle," Cherie said. "Medicine, law, education, and religion. Four of your more powerful forces in society." "Don't forget bullshit," Kyle said. "Oh, no. No bullshit. We're ignoring Craig tonight," Cherie said. Kyle and I both knew she had gotten him last. Everybody laughed. "Shall I say it for the group," Ed asked. "Son, your wife just got you last." "I know, but thanks anyway, Dad. Not the first time, either," Craig said, after everybody had laughed. "I hate that 'got you last' game." "Then you should never have invented it, son," Beth said. "Your mother just got you last," Ed said. "Thanks, again, Dad. I know." That boy was so dry, it was funny as hell, even if you didn't know them like we did. I was sure that Dianna girl didn't know what the hell was going on, but I knew they would tell her. "I just want to say thank you for coming for my birthday. You can't ever know how much this means to me," I said. I was tearing up a little bit, and I had promised myself I wasn't going to do that. Grandma Beth pulled me down and kissed my cheek. She knew. Tears were coming down on her face and mine. We did that same thing a couple more times between courses, but I didn't cry for the other ones. I teared up with Mr. Gene and Miss Rita, though. And Jeff. He was sitting with the Goodsons. "Justin, we are so proud of you," Rita said. "I need a hug from you on your birthday." I hugged her and Gene and Jeff and Tyler and Chad and Gage. And there came the tears. What a damn emotional day! After dinner, we had presents. I got a whole bunch of really nice stuff. I got checks from Beth and Ed, Cherie and Craig, Sonya and George, and Rita and Gene. Altogether it was ten thousand dollars. I was weak. My brothers gave me a laptop computer and some other stuff, too. The rest of them gave me shirts, shorts, books, CD's, several gift certificates, and a couple of magazine subscriptions. The last gift was from my parents, Kevin and Rick. It was a small box that you might put handkerchiefs in. I didn't ever use those. Why were they giving that to me, I wondered. When I opened it, though, I saw it wasn't handkerchiefs at all. It was tickets and money for Boston. "Whoa! We're going, Little Buddy," I said. "We're going to Boston!" Brian and I latched on to one another, and we danced around. Kyle and Tim got up and hugged with us, too. Then Kevin and Rick did it, too. "Another trip," I shouted. "Oh, my God!" Everybody in the room was just clapping and laughing and carrying on with us. "This is the best, guys," I said to Kevin and Rick. They hugged me up big. And you know what? I cried. Surprised? Tim's Perspective It was late when we finally got to bed that night. After midnight. I wanted Kyle desperately, and I knew he wanted me the same way. We made love slowly and deliberately, taking our time, making it the best for one another. "Today was a good day, wasn't it?" "Oh, Babe. It was the best," I said. "The dinner was wonderful, and I know Jus really liked it. The fireworks were great, too. Did you watch Trixie? She didn't know what to do." He chuckled. "I know. I think we got us a very good dog, Babe," he said. "I think so, too," I said. "I want to hunt her this fall. Would you do that with me?" "I'll go with you, if you want me to, but I'm not going to hunt," I said. "I didn't think you'd want to. Jus wants to, though," he said. "That's something you guys can do together," I said. "Brian and I will stay home and read and play with his airplanes." "Can you believe how close Brian and Arnie have gotten this weekend? All because of Trixie, too," he said. "I know. They've taught her lots of tricks," I said. "I know," he said. Kyle and I sort of settled into sleep. I had never known anybody who could go to sleep as fast as he could. All it took was a moment's silence, and he was out like a light. * * * The next morning was a blur of activity. Kyle and I woke up around seven. Actually, Kyle woke up, and he dragged me out of bed. Our plane didn't leave till ten, but there was a lot to do before then. The New Orleans people got off around 7:30, and we had a tearful goodbye with them, as usual. The Sarasota people weren't leaving until that afternoon, so we didn't have to worry about them that morning. Kyle and I went to my house around eight after I told Kevin and Rick goodbye. We went to the airport. Sonya drove my dad in his car, and Kyle drove me in mine. We took Trixie with us, and she was quiet, like she knew I was leaving. "Don't worry. He's coming back, girl," Kyle said to Trix. That made her wag her tail, but we knew she was responding to the loving tone of his voice and not to what he actually said. Kyle gave me a goodbye kiss in the car at the airport. We couldn't do that in there, we knew, but it was loving and warm. It made both of us a little stiff. I didn't really want to leave there without him, but I didn't have a choice. "I'll see you a week from today," he said. "Yeah." "God, I love you," he said. "I love you, too," I said. I went through security, and I saw him just as I was leaving. He wiped tears from his eyes. I had some of my own to deal with. |