welcome to crvboy - Failure of the Heart by Black Heart

"Well it sure looks broken," The young med student said, giving Jacob's swollen, red hand a quick glance before taking a seat in front of him. Jacob remained still, except for an annoyed look, as he watched the wholesome looking intern pull on a pair of exam gloves.

"Let's see," She said, grabbing Jacob's hand off the small rolling table.

Jacob fought the urge to rip his injured hand from her grasp and the haphazard way she was treating it. Instead, it seemed as if every muscle in his upper body tensed, becoming rigid. She may have been new to practice, but she knew the signs of pain and discomfort.

"You're a student, right?" He asked through gritted teeth.

"Yes," she answered easily as she examined his hand gingerly.

"You need to work on your bedside manor."

"Sorry, the dummies don't usually complain."

"Well this one does."

"Do you mind telling me how you injured your hand," she inquired, unsure how to continue speaking to him after his last comment.

"I didn't like the way a locker looked at me," he answered dryly, sore that the subject had been brought to attention.

"Ohh, those lockers, they are horrible creatures aren't they." She gave Jacob a sly smile as she gently laid his hand back on the table.

Jacob smiled back. As much as he wanted to remain glum and generally pissed at the world, he simply couldn't.

"So, did you come alone?" She spoke, emboldened by his smile.

"No, my mom went for coffee." Jacob's smile faded.

"In this place? That woman has some guts!"

"No guts. She's just worried about me. It's always the same whenever she's worried: black three sugars. Other than that, she doesn't drink the stuff."

"Should she be worried about you?" The intern sat back, folding her arms.

Jacob shrugged at the question, not wanting to give voice to the truth, as he knew it. His eyes searched the bland, sterile surroundings, he found suddenly interesting.

"I guess." He paused, fiddling with a spec on his jeans. "We just moved here, and I've already been suspended for fighting. Now she comes home tonight to find me with a broken hand. I've hardly told her anything about anything to let her know, ok?"

"Why did you get into the fight," the student doctor asked, her concern becoming evident.

"I thought I was protecting someone. Someone I cared about. I thought they felt the same way."

"They didn't, hmm?" She accentuated the first word, already noticing something.

Jacob shook his head to confirm her statement. The fact that she had emphasized the first word didn't dawn on him, though.

"Can I ask if they are male or female?"

"Id rather not answer that one, Doc." His gaze dropped to the ground.

"Ahh," she said easily. "Don't you worry about your mom; She's only doing what most moms do best." Her hand lightly grasped his shoulder in a reassuring manner. "So it's fighting this week. Next, she'll be worried about who's breaking your heart or vice versa."

Jacob chuckled at the ground.

"And God have mercy when you start driving."

"He already has," his mom mentioned as she wandered back to the exam room. "I think he inherited my lead foot." They all shared a relieving chuckle.

Jacob eyed his mother, curious as to what she was thinking at that moment. Curious as to the origins of her puffy swollen eyes. He knew she had been crying over him, and he felt like a complete shit for it. She caught his appraising look and gave him a weak smile as she cupped her hand around his right cheek.

"Ma, this is Doc," He nodded to the intern. "Doc, this is Ma."

Joanne chuckled lightly and extended her hand to the intern.

"Joanne Keats. You'll have to excuse Sherlock here; he can be quite the smart alack when he chooses."

"Schellene" the med student said, taking Joanne's hand and shaking it lightly. "He's been delightful. Sides' if he gets out of hand, I can deal with him. I need suturing practice, and the kits are just across the hall."

"Hey," Jacob intoned.

"So what are we looking at?" Joanne Gave Jacobs hand an inquisitive look.

"It's fractured, that's for sure. We just need to get some X-rays to find out exactly where and to what extent. After that, we are probably looking at a soft cast. I don't think a fiberglass one will be of much help."

Joanne nodded her head with understanding.

"Let me go get some forms filled out so you guys can head up to radiology."

The incessant electronic ring of the telephone was pulling Matt out of the sleep he so desperately wanted. He had tired to ignore it and the rest of the world and just sleep until this nightmare of a day was long gone. However, the garish pleas for an answer would not cease.

Ruefully, he grabbed the headset, wanting nothing more than to hurl it across the room to the opposite wall. Instead, he grudgingly pressed the talk button and brought the receiver to his ear.

"What," he mumbled harshly

"Well that's a fine hello, Matty," Valerie sounded sternly as she dropped the pencil that was scribbling across a steno book.

Matt made a sound half way between a huff and a growl into the receiver as he put his hand on his head. He was not in the mood to face or talk to anyone now, from Valerie to his parents. He only wanted to hide from the world, even if for only one fleeting night.

"What the hell was that," Val questioned accusingly.

"I'm really not in the mood for this right now. I've had a shit day, and you're not helping any."

"Excuse me?" Valerie's voice picked up a harsh edge.

Matt let out another audible huff. "I said- -"

"I heard just fine what you said." She cut him off. "I'm sorry if you had a 'shit' day, honestly I am, but you don't have to treat me like the gum on your shoe because of it."

"It's not that. It's- -"

"It's exactly that, Matty. Do you expect me to be overly sympathetic to you? Should I find out what's bothering you and shoo it away?"

"Is all I am good for is to fix your problems and make you happy and whole?"

Valerie paused shortly giving a Matt a chance to respond. A chance wasted. For everything wanted to say, every curse he wanted to spit into the phone, every misplaced emotion and, unused apology-- he could not, not when faced with Valerie's disappointment.

"Don't tell me I have that power over you, Matty." Her voice lowered to an emotional whisper, as if she were baring a dark secret. "I don't want that power, Matty. I don't want anyone to have that power over you. You're too good for that."

Matt held the receiver close in a stunned silence.

"I wouldn't want that power over anyone, well--maybe Jay. Yeah, Jay would be very good. Get him all riled up."

"Build him up endlessly for petty achievement's."

"Val." He spoke louder, trying to break into her thoughts.

"You know, like tying his shoes by himself, or something stupid like that. Trivial crap."

"While waiting for him to fail miserably at something that really mattered. So I could rub his crooked nose in it mercilessly."

"VAL," Matt screamed.

"Matty , you're interrupting my fantasy," Valerie stated matter-of-factly as the sight of Jay bawling his eyes out and begging eroded from her mind.

"Sorry," he mumbled into the handset.

"You should be, it was a perfec--"

"Not about that," he cut her off bluntly. "About expecting you to fix everything."

"Matthew, stop being stupid. I do fix everything. I just don't like being brushed off when I ask you things."

"So, tell me about your shit day." Valerie leaned back, resting her head on a pile of pillows as she spoke.

"Oh, really," Valerie retorted with mock indignation.

Matt knew he could not easily dance around the subject, especially with Valerie.

"People are starting to say some mean things."

"About you and, Jacob?"

Matt wouldn't-- couldn't-- answer her quickly. The rumors seemed so much better when he didn't give them any credence. So, there he lay in his bed, fingers absently playing with a loose thread on his pillow.

"Matty?" Val's voice brought him back.

"Yeah," he answered, seemingly distant.

"Are they saying things about you and Jacob?"

He swallowed hard trying to fight back the tears that were welling in the corners of his eyes. His best effort on this front could never be enough. A lonesome tear rolled down his check, breeching his defense, paving the way for more.

"Yeah," he croaked sorely.

There were few things in this world, which made Valerie's blood boil. High on that list was the sound of Matt in pain. The faint sound of his sobs sent her bolt upright, her comfort long forgotten.

"I'm coming over," she stated in a way that sounded as if no army in the world could keep her away.

"No," he stated half heartedly as he wiped his nose with the back of his hand.

Matt squeezed his eyes hard, trying to relieve the tears that were streaming down his face now.

"You said yourself, Val, you can't fix everything." He rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling, trying in any way he could to make the horrid lump in his chest go away.

"Yes, Matty, Yes I can," she said sternly.

"Not this," he shouted in pain.

Matt's tone sent Valerie reeling. She could not understand what had him so upset. She wanted to know, to make it go away, but he wouldn't tell her what it was.

"What, Matty," she questioned again as her own eyes began to water. "I can't help if I don't know how."

"Him," he whispered in a sob.

"What!" Valerie's eyes dried instantly

"Him; Jacob. You can't make what I feel for him go away. Part of me wants it like nothing I've ever wanted before. The other half would rather run from this feeling inside." He wept into the receiver.

Matt waited for an answer from Valerie, but nothing came.

"Val?" he whimpered.

His call was answered by nothing but the sound of dead air.

"Val?" he repeated in a high-pitched croak.

Matt threw the receiver across the room where it smashed against the wall. His arms wrapped around his head to shield himself from the anger and frustration he felt with himself, with Jacob and most of all, with Valerie.